Thank you for this lovely poem about and describing and giving examples of hyperbole.
This evening on CNN, as Aaron Brown was discussing coverage of "Katrina," he noted that it is company policy not to use hyperbole. His words took me aback, being somewhat out of context. But your poem, and great examples made it all perfectly clear to me. Write on. Great job!
What drew me in to read this was the title. Being an "old fogey never forgets the rules" English teacher, may I kindly, and humbly quote you some grammar rule.
In a statement contrary to fact, use the word "were," and not the words "was."'s a rule that stuck with me and Paul Simon, so I try to pass it on for convention's sake.
I think the flow and easy passion of intimacy in this piece is very touching and speaks very true, when parted from the love of one's life.
Third line of third stanza
needs comma, for clarity.
The end of the 4th stanza seems to be missing a period, or maybe it's the old eyeballs.
In the ending stanzas, I find it interesting that home is where he is, even though you would seem to be occupying what the two of you formerly knew as home together here. Perhaps you might want to add on to this, though I acknowledge and appreciate the three line stanza routine with this one. It works!
I very much like the sentiments expressed in the poem, and hope you are open to a re-write using the word "were", and changing a few minor grammars that got past you in the first draft. Will be happy to re-rate if you chose to wrk on this. This would be great, printed in any material sent overseas for our soldiers. Your message is clear and pleasing. Write on.
peace, sunflower ** Image ID #989548 Unavailable **
Thanks for this article about what you respect from a review. You've stated your purpose, and filled it well.
For a writer to become better at their craft, they need constructive feedback on their craft as well as to have a positive feeling of their work after reading a review. This must be the most important thing we do for each other in reviewing. Thanks for a good article. Write on.
I greatly enjoyed this piece abount an unnamed Gentleman here at Writing.com who seems to be an angel of a dude. I'd almost bet I know who you're talking about--it has to be one of the twelve or twenty-four ladies and gentleman that I'm so fond of too. The encouragement we give each other is a blessing, like an adjunct muse.
Writing.com is such a great place to meet the right, -er write, kind of people. We all seem to learn different things from each other, and the growth is always phenomenal.
I realise we haven't had the exact same experience, but I know what you're talking about. A fine write up about a finegentleman, Miss Scarlett!
This is a great little number to slip into for a moment. How soon we forget when it all becomes routine.
Reviewing is a skill, but only if we make it one. Perhaps the children on the site can get away with "good story-I liked it," but the others of us on the site really want feedback. This says how to do a review to benefit all.
This is a great read-over as a reminder--and a prompt for the Ultimate Writer's Workshop too.
Thanks for your blog comment. I'm taking all comments to and I still don't know how to divide my time. I really appreciate what you said. I guess one never know.
I like the way you have your portfolio organized. It's easy to see what all you have, and get around. I see you also entered Beirdd'd contest. We ought to find another to enter. What 'cha say?
This comes across to me as very avant-guard. You certainly have smelled out the demon in this one.
In the 10th line, you need an extra space after your comma.
There is no question about the author's point of view in this one. Hard core. Write on.
I'll get back to you on Carlin. Somehow the two poems kind of go together. Good luck with the book. What comapny did you self-publish with? How are sales?
"While a star hangs out,
the fields wave back," is my favorite line. I can see the fields of grass waving in the breeze.
This is what I consider a five work of literary art!
Your only mention of the effect of tornadoes (or the destruction that happened in Oklahoma City with the bombings, by my imagination?} is only slight, but gentle enough not to overwhelm. The phrasing in great, the punctuation perfect, and the imagery direct. I really like this one.
This is a very eloquent poem dealing with the concept of sleep, and the other things we gain besides rest. Excellent job! I like the way you deal with what others might consider ansilary aspects, but you are so right.
I especially liked the phrase, "sleep, is a sacrament.
Shedding quotidian garments,
Slipping into midnight vestments. . . "
You have used repetition to good effect in this poem.
The only thing you might want to edit is your reference to God. I believe the use you mean is "God's," as in referring to that which belongs to THE God.
I'm interested to see that you have a folder alloted for essays. Those of us who write essays certainly attack a genre that many would not. I'm impressed at the start you have here.
Looking forward to reading the article(s) enclosed in the folder.
"If you spend more than 10% of your working day trying to determine what you need to do on any specific day, you’re not making any money and not really working."
As one who is not currently working outside the home, I found this article very interesting. I do the same sort of thing--keeping a list--but this is another perspective of one who uses many of the ideas I already use, plus expanding on them.
Although this article is more oriented to a work production "to do list," rather than a household list, thinking long range on projects applies to writing as well. How many deadlines have I missed from not planning enough time ahead? This article contains the answer to the problem.
Anyone who is familiar with the Eagles version of "Hotel California" ought to check out "Hotel Cowlifornia." It's a great parody, from the point of view of a bull and a milkman. Funny stuff!!!
I see you have some other parodies I'll have to check out. This stuff is sooo good--have you sent any to your local radio station? They'd get a hoot, or moo, out of it. Great job.
When I clicked on this poem of .29 Kb, I thought it might be short. Yes, very short.
If you included more punctaution in this poem, I think it would be easier to understand. I like that you have repetition. It gives a strength to your thoughts.
Perhaps I was expecting something longer, of more substance. This feels like a breeze of a poem, just barely there. If you edit this, please let me know so I can re-rate. This was a bold move, it just didn't work that well, in my humble opinion. Keep writing.
This article, you may not know, was written by request. I've a new interest in this guy, and found your information enlightening. In the article, you might want to re3fer to him as "Warhol," instead of the first name basis. It seems like you're too close to him --for fist names.
As a reader, I would request more frequent paragraph breaks in the text. Other questions:
Was that graduation from high school, or a note worthy college?
Also, he was born in the US?
I like your explanation of the Pop Art Movement. Your information is well stated and well presented. But I would encourage you to go back and look at your paragraphing. I left my desk a few times while reading, and had to keep starting at the last paragraph beginning, which was a lot of re-reading.
Excellent content. Also, congratulations, you made me learn a new word. Now I can call my little painting corner an "atelier," yes? Write on.
On your next editing session, I suggest you consider putting in your commas and periods, and what ever other punctuation you want to use. I only noticed aq couple in the whole thing.
This is a great tribute to your brother.
peace, sunflower
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This is an interesting first chapter. You have good content leading the reader to be interested and keep reading. I like the size of this chapter.
A couple of suggestions:
* Start a new paragraph every time a new speaker speaks. As well as following the rule, this will break you chapter up so there are more blank lines.
* The first trauma that Maddie goes through is a bit unclear. Is she dreaming about what happened, and then wakes up to find it's really happening? You didn't tell the thing thzat sent her running upstairs.
I read this section first, as instructed, and found a great introduction to a writer's world.
I especially like that you included information about writing.com to new people who visit your port. This is a great idea I might borrow, if you don't mind.
Write on.
peace, sunflower
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I realize this is a one-big-breath kind of poem, but I suggest you rethink your punctuation.
I'd also like to tell you that editors, who pay money for writing, won't even look at your material if you don't stick to standard capitalization and usage, such as capitalizing the word "I."
I'd like to re-rate this after you worked some more on the punctuation. I feel that this piece would have more appeal with more conventional and standard grammar.
This poem (paragraph) is full of outstanding content, but the usage and grammar shows as a feeble aspect of the poem. To spell words corrctly is expected. Even if you're just writing for yourself, you owe it to your reader to adhere to stasndard spelling and grammar usage.
If this is an early draft, please fix the things you know to fix:
"You're old before your time--" neeed to use the ' form
"You are hostile to the earth--" need the contration for you're
I see you also didn't put the contraction in can't
Please strive to put forth your best effort, and don't slack off on rules because you are doing casual writing. I'd like to re-rate after you've made corrections, because as I said, CONTENT SHINES!
Wow! This is gripping. To know that your mothewr's bipolar disoarder was the root of the problems proabably gives little solace. But this is a great representation of your ability as an author. Write on.
You have an interesting dicotomy going on here in this one. One would expect the river to be flowing with cool, clean, clear water, and giving a healing fresh kind of feeling, but this stream in most unkind.
The end follows the same line of thought: that if one is seeking what the river gives, then the ocean must be the answer.
Unusual. I like this one, so full of symbolism. One suggestion would be to capitalize ALL of the first letters of your lines--you almost do--my only suggestion. It's good. Very good!!!
Your rhyme and meter are perfect. I never would have thought to rhyme proud with out, but it works! It's the "ou" sound. You taught me a lesson in rhym9ing.
The narrative is user friendly. Congrats on as great job.
peace, sunflower
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and I still don't know how to divide my time. I really appreciate what you said. I guess one never know.
