|Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.
This review is a part of the activity of
and also presented as a member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
Overall impression: I like this a lot. I enjoy poetry that tells a story. I also like the many plays on words. It is playful and fun, but there are some serious parts as well. From the start, Mary and merry man, brought to my mind Marion and Robin Hood.
Structure: the poem is presented as couplets, but not following any particular form.
Rhyme: some lines rhyme and there is also some internal rhymes.
Rhythm: there is good rhythm to the poem; this is one of its strengths.
Imagery: chasing some tail; toss in the hay; voice had such weight; duel dually disastrous – these are few of the uses of imagery I found quite effective.
Word choice: I think overall this is very well done. There are a few forced rhymes. And we shared green teas to rhyme with tease. Sharing teas sounds unnatural.
kneels at the altar,
keeps his family from alter. - I think this could be stronger. It doesn't convey the meaning well.
Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes ▼
Image #1791777 over display limit. -?-