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1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Initial impressions: This is a wonderful premise for a story. Something about forbidden or star-crossed love has always struck a favored chord in my heart. Adding the battle of light and dark forces behind it promises to up the ante and further the angsty suspense.

The characters: Just a hint is given as to their ultimate fate. The prologue makes the reader curious to find out how they ended up this way....locked in a deadly embrace on a park bench.

Setting/Plot: Eluded at with enough hints to draw a reader in. It seems this story will pack a powerful punch with both elements woven together! *Thumbsup*

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* Honestly, I was a little confused in the opening statements. How could people know the couple took their own lives if no cause of death could be determined? To me it sounds like they died of natural causes then, rather than suicide.

Technical/Grammatical Errors: The attendees of the funeral gave out that the two were in a forbidden love. Rather than "gave out," why not try stated or learned? Gave out reads a little awkward.

Most though, reside in New York City, where our story takes scene. the scene of our story or where our story takes place.


Note: *Note*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!*Note* *Smile*

*Star*Overall Opinion & Final Notes:*Star* It sounds like you have in interesting story in the making! I would definately be interested to see where this one goes. *Smile* Keep up the great work and keep penning!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very interesting poll! I too have noticed the differences in published literature and wondered what the rules are and if they were being followed. Too many times, I noticed places I thought commas should be used and wondered how the author got away with it! *laughs* I like how you forced our hand, making us pick one side or the other. Though a limited poll, it does have interesting results.

Dang those commas anyway!
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Review of The Rule of Three  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Initial impressions: I have to admit, you got me here. At first, I thought perhaps the protagonist suffered from the early onset of MS. The symptoms seemed to fit. I love to learn something new, and you had me googling meningioma in short order. It is amazing, despite the circumstances she is trapped in, how calm this woman remains throughout the course of the story. Perhaps I am a bit of a baby, but I would have been screaming and crying in hopes of being heard and helped!

The characters: One very brave woman and her cat, Jenna. I thought this feline companion added a lot to this short story. Cats are so finicky and her tempermental snit rang true and drew a knowing laugh from this reader! You captured the relationship between cat and owner perfectly!

Setting/Plot: Chilling. In some way, it reminded me of Gerald's Game, but with your own unique spin and twist. Unable to move, a poor woman remains prisoner on the floor in her bedroom for days. The trick is, her mind is what holds her captive. Well played, right down to the sights and smells....some of which are not so pleasant. *Thumbsup*

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* I'm not sure if it is part of her condition, but her resignation and calm acceptance to the situation baffled me. As I said though, I'm a bit of a baby. *Laugh*

Technical/Grammatical Errors: None noticed.

Note: *Note*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!*Note* *Smile*

*Star*Overall Opinion & Final Notes:*Star* As usual, you wove another enthralling tale. I know anytime I see your name attached to something, it will be a great read. Keep writing and best wishes!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Mara,

In this chapter, Erin makes leaps and bounds in the way of character development. The reader gets to see her ease into a more comfortable role with Ean, hints of her playful, sassy spirit showing through. Her phone conversation with Abby was priceless, showcasing a blunt humor and acceptance that only longtime friends with a deep understanding of each other can have.

I loved the scene outside, as night fell where she roasted marshmallows with her son. It was such a poignant moment in the story, telling much more about this mysterious hunk, Ean. Who has never at least SEEN one being roasted? His concern and hesitation drew a laugh of delight from this reader as you wove a magical feel into the end of this installment.

For all his bravado and gruff exterior, Ean is merely a man...a man with a vulerable heart who is very much afraid of falling in love. I cannot wait to see what the next chapter from this talented author brings!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
MatthewK,

This is quite an interesting story you have going here. It reminded me a lot of the beloved Wizard of Oz tale, but with its own unique insight and spin. Things begin with a bang, barely affording a breath between the time the hurricane strikes and when the house lands! The sequence is quick and action packed, a sure way to hold a reader's attention. You infuse the story with a great vocabulary, finding new ways to say old things. *Thumbsup* I really liked the twist about the hypnotic witch and the two fighting over the newly arrived "baby boy."

The characters: These come across well with a touch of realisim. Though little is given in the way of physical description (which makes it a little difficult to imagine the story through the character's eyes) their personalities shine through their actions. This proves to be a heart pounding tale as our protagonist is caught in the middle of an age old battle between good and evil. Not only that but the poor guy has to make an ardorous journey! All of these elements combine to make a delightful read.

Setting/Plot: The setting is described in much more depth than the characters. We get a great visual painting of the sprawling landscapes and the author offers a majestic, yet darkly mysterious world for our reading pleasure.

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* Just a tad more description of the witches. This would really help convery the feelings of good and evil and will build suspense. Also, you used "she said," "I said" after almost every piece of dialouge. It isn't necessary to always say who is speaking as it it clear the conversation is between the main character and Patricia. Also, said can often be replaced with a more colorful action like whispered, assured, warned, etc. Mixing things up will keep the action higher and prevent things from taking on a monotonous feel. *Wink*

Technical/Grammatical Errors:

Gusts of wind carrying waves of rain pushed through the seams between the windows and bowed inward the front door. The end of this sentence is a tad awkward. I think by striking "inward" you would get a much smoother feel.

The eye of the hurricane past overhead passed to pass denotes movement. Past is a reference to a previous point in time.

I stepped into a dream that was placed before me in stop time. I stumbled here as a reader. What does that mean, placed before me in stop time? Maybe simplifying the statement would help clarify what you intended to say here.

a woman with matching legs to those beneath the house. with legs matching those beneath the house This gives it a tighter smooth feel.

She hovered in the air a moment surveying the scene. moment, surveying comma

She descended slowly, her gaze focused on me unwaveringly. her unwavering gaze focused on me.

The feeling began to become awkward, why not consider saying The feeling grew?

You see it was I who brought him here. You see, it

In one quick motion her walking staff flew to her, she mounted it and whirred off the ground. In one quick motion, her walking staff flew to her Also, here you join two complete sentences. The first ending between "her" and "she." Therefore, it should either be two separate sentences or join them with a semi colon. In one quick motion, her walking staff flew to her; she mounted it and whirred off the ground.

A caring hand touched my shoulder and to my surprise Patricia was standing next to me. and, to my surprise, Patricia



Note: *Note*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created!*Note* *Smile*

*Star*Overall Opinion & Final Notes:*Star* Overall, I think you have a great beginning here. It promises to be an enticing story for readers of all ages. I look forawrd to reading more and seeing how this journey plays out. *Bigsmile* Best wishes and write on!

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Review of Kerosene  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Ally-la,

The description is what drew me to your story. It held the promise of being a wild and explosive story. You delivered that promise well! *Thumbsup*

Reader's impressions: This is such a powerful story. It trasported me back to the wild, reckless days of youthful abandon. I feel as if I got to know your characters and feel this story is something most of us can relate to. Who hasn't fallen for a bad boy at least once in ther life or yearned to be one? You start thin off, hinting at the tragedy to come and take the reader by the hand to lead them through it. This was a great job of bringing a story full circle. All ends were tied together nicely and the ride was exhilerating! My favorite part was where his life was compared to his driving, fast, dangerous and reckless. *Thumbsup*

Characters: I really liked the rebellious boy the story was centered on. He was like a breath of fresh air and had a very unique manner to him. His causal manner and dangerous aura made him very appealing to me for some reason. He reminds me of some of the suave bad boy icons like James Dean or a young Marlon Brando. *Heart* Excellent job in this department.

Setting: Various places. There isn;t a vast amount of decrption but I did love the images you painted of his car. I could see, hear, and smell it. Great job there.

Plot: Ill-fated love...at least on the POV character's part. The pacing was fast and exhilerating. This story is like a rollercoaster ride with many rushes and turns that make it a fun ride.

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* It would make it easier on your reader's eyes if you put an extra line break in between paragraphs.

I can't help but wishing you had given your male character a name. He was so well developed it feels tragic that we only come to know of him by "him or he."

Try to avoid rehashing the same phrases over and over again. This slows the story down and gives it a repetitive feel. A good example is where you decribe the love/friendship between characters.

You start a lot of sentences with "and." This gives the story a stilted feel. Try reading a few without the "and" —see if you think it gives it a better sound.

*Snow2*Technical/Grammatical:*Snow2*

His eyes were so crazy insane wordy/awkward I think this would read better as His eyes were crazed

He depended on nothing but the flames. I could say he depended on me. I could make a convincing argument for his dependence on me. I could convince everyone. But I would know I was lying. He didn’t depend on anyone but the flames. This is a tad redundant. I'd suggest triming it down so you aren't saying the same things over again. I could lie and say he depended on me and even convince everyone but myself. I knew the truth. The flames were the only thing that mattered to him. I'm sure you can think of something better than my example. *Smile*

And he came up to me, hair brown, flopping this way and that, awkward wording To get a smoother feel, try He came up to me, brown hair flopping

I accused him of colored contacts so many more times than once. repetitive If you say times, or even many times, the reader assumes it is more than once. I accused him of wearing colored contacts many times.

And he rattled down my street; I could literally hear him coming. And he pulled into my I don't think And is needed to start either sentence. See what you think. *Smile*

I was appalled, the first time, asked him about the smell punctuation/grammar The first time, I was appalled and asked him about the smell.

Told him he was an idiot when he told me he had some in the back seat. Told him when he crashed, he’d explode. Fragments Both these sentences lack a subject. Who told him? I told him.

He was so excited by that thought, made use of his queer, strange choice of vocabulary, and never failed to add on an endearment. Here you can either start a new sentence or use a semi colon. Ex: He was so excited by that thought. He made use of his queer, strange choice of vocabulary, and never failed to add on an endearment. To take things on step further, you can simplify this and make it more active. He was excited by that thought. He spoke, always using his odd choice of vocabulary, and never failing to add an endearment.

dropping me back after an especially long day. dropping me off


Note: *Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes: I really enjoyed the time spent in your port. I think with a few minor edits, this will be an outstanding piece. Feel free to let me know if you decide to make any changes. I would love to come back and give it a higher rate. You show great potential as a writer and I look forward to seeing more of your work. Best wishes and write on! *Bigsmile*
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Review of To Forgive Divine  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Montie Michelle Barbour,

Hello and welcome to WDC! I hope that you are finding your way around and finding your experience here to be an enjoyable one. *Smile* I saw your item listed in the read a newbie column and found the title and description intruiging. I think revenge is something that has crossed all of our minds at least once in the course of our lives.

Reader's impressions: Wow! After reading the title, this was not what I expected. It was actually a pleasant surprise. *Thumbsup* You paint vivid images with your words. I could easily imagine this sad, withered man with gaunt features as he lay in bed. The emotional revelations that take place throughout the story will help readers empathize with your female protagonist on a deep level. You were even considerate enough to cue us in on a medical term some may not be familiar with. As the story wore on, my blood boiled. Monsters like him have no right to breathe.

Characters: Both are nameless but defined well in this short story. We have a man who abused and took advantage of a child and that child now, a grown woman. It makes for a suspenseful combination that makes me want to hold my breath as a reader. *Thumbsup*

Setting: A room with a bed. This is vauge but not a vital part of the story itself.

Plot: Revenge is a dish best served cold. *Smirk* There are many interpretations to that story, aren't there?

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* While I feel I have a pretty good idea what happened at the end, it still feels a little uncertain. I think clarifying this a little more would only serve to help the story and deepen the impact. Did she drain the bottle or didn't she?

*Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes: Excellent story. It made me wonder what I would do if given the chance to seek revenge. I would like to think I would be able to turn the other cheek and walk away, but we never know until faced with that temptation. Some wounds never heal. Thank you for sharing your talents and granting my a few moments of sheer entertainment. Best wishes and write on!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Reader's impressions: What a heavy downpour you have endured. Yet, you endured it with strength and grace and an amazing attitude. What strikes me the most reading this is your genuine care and concern for those around you. So many if faced with a similar crisis would withdrawl from the stress and relish being able to take time for themselves under a doctor's orders. They say that we are given trials to test our faith and character, but never more than we can endure. Sometimes, when in the midst of things, we begin to wonder if that is true. One thing after another begins to go wrong until it feels like a constant downward spiral.

You have shared what has to be one of the most difficult times in your life, and through it given the reader inspiration. You remind us that though it may feel the rain only comes harder and never ends, if we keep our faith, that rainbow will come. Our lives are only as dark and miserable as we allow them to be!

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* None, that is, unless you can think of a way to share some of that abundance of patience you seem to have. ;) Though a personal piece, this was very well written.

*Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your work and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes: I am so glad that your daughter and her family were okay and that you pulled through. From what I know about blood pressure, it is an ongoing effort. Do try to take care of yourself too, hun. You have many people who love and need you. *Heart*
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
THOUGHTS/IMPRESSIONS: Wow! Ok, I have to admit now I am a little confused. At first, I thought all this was fiction, but after reading this introduction it seems to be based on truth. Is that the case? If not you are extremely talented at pulling the reader in and making them believe. Either way, your idea and the way this is delivered is clever. The picture at the end was a nice touch. The impact it has is even more haunting. What a charming couple they would have been with her beauty and his rugged good looks.

CHARACTERS: Lisa and Jack Goldman...both still missing. This is another installment that draws the reader deeper into their tragic story and mysterious disappearments.


SETTING: In the intro, it is Lisa's old neighborhood. This tied in well with the entry she wrote about the trees. That clue makes more sense now. *Smile* In this entry, there doesn't seem to be a particular setting.


PLOT: The disappearance of Lisa Lansing and later, the detective that investigated her case. Enshrouded in mystery, this is one read that will stimulate a reader's mind and keep them guessing.


*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* the entries baffle me and I never now what to make of them. That said, I'm not sure what I would change, since these are written in Lisa's voice.


*Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes: Another mind bending installment. You continue to hold me enthralled. I wish I could peg this and figure it all out, but I can't. Perhaps that is the allure. I look forward to reading more about this woman! Best wishes. *Bigsmile*
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Review of ~Evil Fairies  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ohh what a fantastic poem! This certainly conjures uneasy images and elicits a violent chill. It makes me want to make sure my children are tucked in soundly tonight and leave the hall light on.

That said, this was a wonderfully dark and delicious poem. *Smirk* Funny how different cultures can be. Here in America, people tend to think of fairies as beautiful and delicate winged creatures filled with giggles and delight. Yet in my ancestoral country, Ireland, they are what we think of as maleveloent spirits or demonic entities here. They are something to be feared and treated with caution.

Your poem reminded me of that very thing. You have a wonderful talent Stained and it is always a treat to read your work. *Thumbsup*
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Review of Joanna's Story  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
D.C.Jollimore,

After reading a review of this story, my curiosity was piqued and I had to see what the fuss was about. I am so glad that I stopped by and settled down to read this, as it left a deep emotional impact.

THOUGHTS/IMPRESSIONS: The title itself doesn't come across as anything special until the reader finishes the story. Not only is this very well written, but it reaches out, rattles a reader to the core, and then applies a soothing balm. *Heart* It is emotional, spiritual, and thought provoking. The part that had the most profound effect on me was when Joanna's mother heard her daughter was in the accident. As a mother of a raspberry kiss blower myself, her reaction hit hard. The message you deliver at the end, after her struggles is poignant and one we can all learn from.

CHARACTERS: These were all well developed and well rounded. They come across as any normal family would and we watch as they become ensnared in the throe of their most difficult trials. Very realistic and believeable.

SETTING: At a house and in the hospital. This part is not overly developed with description, but gives the reader just enough to know what is going on. In turn, it keeps the focus where it belongs for this poignant short story.

PLOT: Every parent's worst nightmare. We all face things that test or challenge our personal beliefs or faith. This is the greatest challenge to our souls. While one woman's pain and discomfort causes her to stray from her previous path, she learns that her daughter's death was not, as she believed, in vain. Through Joanna's death and her family's strength and public show of faith, a man Joanna never met was touched and turned to a path where he would reach millions. This ending was both touching and thereputic.

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* *Worry* It's not often I'm at a loss for suggestions. Honestly, I can't think of anything I could suggest that would improve this piece. However, putting a line break between the paragraphs would make it a little easier to read on the computer screen.

Technical/Grammitical errors: None noticed.

*Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes: Overall, this story packed a powerful punch. It reminded me that things are not always confined to our limited scope of sight or knowledge. Thank you for the tears and inspiration. I hope you look into getting this published. Best wishes and write on!

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Review of The Black Rose  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Fittizo,

I saw your story on the request a review page, looking for a way to improve it for a contest. *Smile* I hope you bear with me while I share my impressions and that you find this review to be helpful.

THOUGHTS/IMPRESSIONS: I loved the exotic title. *Thumbsup* It's enticing and draws a reader in. You build a slow air of danger and suspense that will keep people reading. The descriptions at the beginning of the story were wonderful!


CHARACTERS: Khwaja — we don't know much about him except that he appears to be a bit of a loner equipped with a dark secret. He demonstrates a brave, protective air when his female companion suddenly becomes endangered. He's the kind of man every woman hopes she will find.

Irene—a fair maiden who serves the damsel in distress role. Not much history or depth is given to her, but she is depicted to be a beautiful maiden wrought with distress and tears. She pulls the reader's sympathy.

SETTING: Dark and dangerous streets filled with demonic night creatures. Not the kind of place people want to be, especially after nightfall! We also get to venture into a bar.

PLOT: Good twist at the end! It is always nice to get an unexpected treat and you deliver that full force. It was exhilerating watching these two virtual strangers run for their lives, only to be cornered! *Shock* The end also carries a beautiful and bittersweet note that hints to love lost. *Thumbsup* The note and the way it was worded was my favorite part and it tied in perfectly with your excellent title.

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* It would make it a little easier on your reader's eyes if you put an extra line break between paragraphs. *Wink*

I also think it would be less confusing to the reader if you revealed Khwaja's name earlier in the story. It grows confusing and repetitive to hear him refered to as the stranger until 3/4 of the way through the story.

Also, rather than saying someone said something, why not use actual dialogue? You do this often and some readers may find it both confusing and a bit of a put off.

Technical/Grammitical Suggestions:

*Check3* And the wolves fowl, searching for their meals *Right*I think you meant howl.

The full moon stands on top, the cursed hill near the cemetery. —When not used for separation, commas indicate a pause. I think this would read better if you moved the comma. The full moon stands on top the cursed hill, near

The night brings the sprits of the unrest into our realms. Taking out the extra “the” gives this sentences a more active impact.

In the old bar, where no one comes now, there was seated guy. Awkward wording. Why not consider— A man sat in the old bar where no one dares.

*Check3* He belonged to nation which *Right* a nation

*Check3* Asking for more wine, which he now couldn’t effort. *Right* couldn’t afford.

There was a smile on his face, on seeing the full moon. Passive/wordy Seeing the full moon, he smiled.

*Check3* Looking at the dark ally, in front of the bar. Fragment This is missing a subject. Who looked?

He had looked like a good man but fear was filled in his eyes,

*Check3* there could have not been a more beautiful sight then the face of this fair maiden. *Right* than than is used in comparisons, then is used to refer to time sequence

*Check3* He in a frightened voice said that the demons are coming. *Right* He, in a frightened voice, said the demons were coming.

They play him them, before killing them. I think you meant play with them

*Check3* Irene told about the demons which where one’s the son of the great scholar of their town. *Right* Irene told him about the demons which were the sons of the great town scholar.

*Check3* Hour had passed now with no signs of the vampires. *Right* Hours had passed now, with

*Check3* Then with a swift wind, the other vampire show up. *Right* showed—shows? It is hard to tell at this point what tense you are using for your story because you shift back and forth between present and past tense. It would make it easier to follow if you picked one tense and stuck with it. Also…what did these vampires look like? Filling in some gory details would help heighten the reader’s suspense and fear.

His eyes were now blood red, his physiques became more muscular, his hairs were as dark His eyes were now blood red; his physique became more muscular, and his hair was as dark

*Question* He pulled out a weapon of strange form*Question* The reader cannot see what you do. What did this weapon resemble? What did it look like?

*Check3* He stood their in a grand posture *Right* there

*Check3* Their remains fell on the ground like the bread crums, *Right* crumbs

*Question*And I can’t see you again in tears by race.*Question* This part doesn’t make sense to me. You may want to clarify what you mean here.

*Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes:
I hope that you do not find the suggestions offensive, but rather, take them in the spirit they are given. This was an enjoyable read and with a few minor editing points, I think you will have an excellent story that really shines. *Bigsmile* Best of luck to you in the contest and write on!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
M. S. Carnes,

Your title carried such a bittersweet note, I had to take a peek. I quickly found myself settling in to read your story and found it an enjoyable read.

THOUGHTS/IMPRESSIONS: This is a very personal and poignant look at Melissa's struggle to find love and acceptance in high school. Those years are filled with uncertainty and doubt and a time when our emotions run wild and unchecked. My heart ached watching her strive forward with determination and a stubborn grace that is admirable. The fact that this is based on personal experience lets it strum a heavy emotional chord. *Heart*

CHARACTERS: Melissa, Michael, and their cast of high school friends. She is one year ahead of him but feels an immediate attraction that lasts for three years despite his rejection. Even though they have the best of intentions, her friends only seem to throw fuel onto the fire by encouraging her to persue him. *Worry* To me, she comes across as determined and undying in her loyalty. This makes her an extremely likable character with real emotion. She yearns for the love and attention that seems to be missing from her broken nome and turbulent home life.

SETTING: High school and the usual places people would expect to encounter with this age group. Brief glimpses of her home life are given and later, hints of her adult years in New York city! *Bigsmile*

PLOT: Unrequited love and the difficult process of self discovery. It is about the painful journey we all make to realize our self worth as a person. While we all want the love of a man or woman, we do not need it to be worth something as a person. In order to make someone else happy, we first have to be happy with ourselves. *Smile* In the end, it sounds like Melissa is on that path.

*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* While I was curious as a reader about what Michael looked like and what it was that attracted her to him in the first place it isn't a vital part. Still, a little more details about the people and settings would help paint a picture for the reader and give it less of a "narritive" feel.

Technical: There are also several places where the sentences are long and run on. Taking a second look at this, you should see that there are several places where a sentence can be broken down into two or more.

*Note1*Words like didn’t, haven’t, wouldn’t etc should all have the apostrophe because they are contractions. There are several places in the story where they are missing.*Note1*

intrigueing *Right* intriguing

Yeah, Thanks, *Right* Yeah, thanks Since it is not a new sentence, thanks does not need to be capitalized. Same thing here Michael: So You're a Sophomore, right? and here Melissa: Yeah, It's not easy, but it's only what

Megan: So everyone, lets gather for a picture, then we'll hang out in the trailor *Right* trailer There are several places after this where this word is misspelled.

Melissa walks into the house sits on the couch, Michael is talking with a friend in the kitchen *Bullet* (New sentence) Megan has called everyone

Melissa lye under the covers on the floor. *Right* lay or lied Lye is a strong chemical/cleaner

Melissa glances at him with shear sadness, *Right* sheer shear means to trim down

He didn't know until the pastors son had told him. *Right* pastor’s son

one time Mike had put a bag of Kettle Corn in Melissas locker ofr her birthday, *Right* Melissa’s locker —for her If I had a quarter for every time my fingers switched the letters around on me—I’d be rich! *Laugh*

*Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes: Overall, I thought this was a very inspiring story and I enjoyed reading it. Personal experices always carry a heavier impact and allow a reader to draw connections from their own experiences. It takes guts to give people such a raw, intimate glimpse into our private lives! *Thumbsup* It sounds as if things are going well now. I wish you the best of luck and hope to read more from you in the future.

Write on! *Bigsmile*
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Review of Insanity Laughs.  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
THOUGHTS/IMPRESSIONS: The title and description drew me right into this piece! Both fit the story well and were an excellent choice. *Thumbsup* The vivid description and action sequence are what grips the reader and elicits a violent chill. It is scary to think people reach that brink of madness in such a horrific way, but all too true. This haunting story is sure to stick in a reader's mind, long after they finish reading.

CHARACTERS: A young woman, so disgusted with herself and what she has become that she cannot face herself in the mirror. She's immersed in madness and eminates a powerful wave of despair. The physical description of her alone elicits a shudder and paints a vivid image.


SETTING: The most significant part of the setting is a mirror, which triggers her downward spiral and contributes to the gory ending. The reader is also given brief glimpses of what appears to be a small room or cell and the sink it contains.


PLOT: Thought provoking from a psychological standpoint. Many of us have reached a point where it is hard to face our true selves or things we have done. In this instance, that feeling is so extreme, the character feels she can no longer cope. It is also a chilling look into one person's madness and despair.


*Idea*Suggestions for improvement:*Idea* While you did a great job showing the story and I noted no spelling or grammatical errors, I still felt something was missing. I think a little more character development is needed. We know little about this woman besides what she sees or does. How did she come to be here? She's reached the point of no return, but no emotions were given to help the reader make an emotional connection with the character. I think conveying her sorrow, despair, fear or disgust through emotion as well as her actions would add a stronger intensity and allow your readers to enjoy the full scope of the story.


*Star* Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Star* *Smile*

Final notes: This was a well written story that will reach out and hold a reader in its thrall until the very end. *Thumbsup* You excell at painting vivid pictures for your audience, ones that they are not to soon forget! I really enjoyed reading your offerings and hope to see more of your work soon. Best wishes and write on! *Smile*
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
SwordPen,

This was quite a riveting tale of a man's final march! The twist at the end was quite a shock, one that I am sure many readers will enjoy.

Here are my thoughts on the story and any suggestions I had. Please bear in mind, these are just my opinions and feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and story! *Smile*

CHARACTERS: We do not know the protagonist's name or much about him, other than he is a prisoner on death row.

SETTING: It starts out in a prison cell and moves into town square. Because of this and the unusual means of execution, the reader gets the impression the story takes place at an earlier time.

PLOT: A prisoner's final moments along with the anxious crowd's reaction to his execution. Her the writer delivers a stunning twist.

SUGGESTIONS: I think a little more information is needed about this character. We don't know why they are in prison. What crime did they commit? Also, adding some emotion such as remorse or building on their fear as they approach the platform would really help add some intensity and depth. Fleshing out the chracter and their emotions, helps the readers to form a strong connection with a story. I didn't really feel I shared the protagonist's experience...but you showed it rather well.

Technical

It would be the first time in 30 years outside of this horrible prison, and the last. I stumbled over this sentence twice. I think it would flow better and be less confusing as *Right* It would be my first time

Ignoring the searing pain of it all I embraced it. *Right*comma after the word "all"

Men tensed up ready to defend their families should this poor desperate criminal try to escape. *Right* I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after "up" and possibly one after "families"

As I passed by he lifted his head and looked at me with stern eyes. *Right* by, he

Before I could say anything he was out of earshot and it was too late.*Right* anything, he

Everyone backed away shunning my glorious procession down the road.*Right* away, shunning

*Note1* As we arrived in front of the steps to the gallows the townspeople started to gather around the stage. As I was led up the stairs *Right* You start both sentences the same way and the second comes off a bit passive as a result. Why not condiser describing who leads him up the stairs? This could be an excellent place to heighten the reader's suspense.

They all had something to live for and even though they came to watch my life end I wished them luck *Right* live for, and even though they came to watch mine end, I

As soon as I died a rush of feeling shot into me. *Right* died, a

There are a few more places you might want to take a look at your comma's, but hopefully this helps as a foundation.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story and the strange twist at the end! It certainly was not something I expected. *Bigsmile* Best wishes!
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Review of Memories Unmade  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Another riveting segment to Lisa's ungoing saga. As uusal, there is an ominious and bittersweet undercurrant to her words. The heightened mystery makes for a compelling read and I found myself searching between the lines to see if I could decipher the clue you eluded to.

Reading it, I wondered if this was not an entry made to Goldman himself, since he too disappeared. The tree seems to have a significant part in this entry, yet it is not clear if it is a literal or metaphoric oak. If so, it would seem their encounter happened in a park-like setting. I'm puzzled about the reference to a flower...an iris or lotus perhaps? Again, maybe I am looking too hard. I wish that these things were not so hard to decipher!

Her longing makes my heart ache, the words of what could have been-should have been, but will never be delivered a haunting message. To me it felt, as if she talked about being saved from her fate, not just the effects of a neglected romance.

Complex, intruiging and brilliant. *Thumbsup*
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Review of Vampires feelings  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really enjoyed this poem and the tragic, bittersweet undercurrant you paint with your words. I could picture this lone soul, standing on the precipice, staring out and reflecting on time past.

There are a few places that the flow is a little choppy, like here But all I have is my despair,
And life of yours inside my cup. And your life inside my cup might flow better...but that aside, this was marvelous! Hope to see more of your work around!
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Review of Eternal Bliss  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
This is an emotional journey through a young woman's final moments after a battle with cancer. We watch as she reflects upon her short life and sends some touching moments with her faithful companion, Rose.

Setting: This is vague. One can only assume after reading the story that she is in a hospital room or perhaps a bedroom at home. No details are given that give the reader a clear feel of the setting.

Plot: Wonderful and inspiring to a reader of any age.*Thumbsup*

Characters: Alisha. We come to learn about her though her thoughts and actions. What stirkes me most about this story is the gentle loving heart of this woman and the brave optimistic attitude she possesses. She is a fighter with a tender heart. *Heart* Rose is an interesting addition, one sure to touch the readers as well.

Suggestions for improvement*Idea* Please remember that these are only my opinions and suggestions. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your style and story. After all, only you can judge waht works best for you. The important thing is to keep your passion and never stop writing! *Smile*

*Note1* Its getting dark, cold breeze brushed the jar opposite the window making the curtains to swing. Its getting dark. A cold breeze brushed the jar opposite the window, making the curtains swing. By forming two sentences and taking out the awkward phrase "to swing," you can see how that gives the opening a smoother feel.

*Note2* Today the sunset emerged to be exceptionally dazzling than ever before, The wording here is a little awkward as a reader. Maybe*Right*emerged more dazzling than ever before.

*Note3* Perhaps it’s because this is going to be the last sunset view Alisha would see in her life. *Right*this will be Alisha's last sunset.

*Note4* She heard a noise, when she turned around to see a white plump cat sitting beside her on the bed. It’s rubbing its face on her hands while she cuddles it. She felt her body Here you shift tense from past to present, back to past. To fix this, you could try, It rubbed its face on her hands when she cuddled it.

*Note1* and then she slightly tried to sit back. Instead of taking a descriptive shortcut by saying slightly, why not use something colorful? Describe her movements as you see them. Does she grimace in pain as she eases back into the chair?

*Check1* The first page consist of her baby pictures consists or consisted

*Note2*in which she looked very cute with sweet pink outfit which her mother has knitted. *Right* she looked cute in the pink outfit her mother knitted. Taking out some of the prepositional phrases helps give this a smoother flow

Then she slowly went through her childhood pictures where her brother, mom and dad were enjoying each other. how? As a reader, I want to know what these pictures show. Are they of vacations, hugs, smiles, laughter, birthdays? How do we know they are enjoying each other?

Then she saw her high school graduation picture in which she looked very beautiful, New sentence tears filling filled her eyes and tiny drops started to wet the album.

*Question*Everything was wonderful until she heard that one day, when she came home after classes. *Question* Heard what? The paragraph right after the recording should be moved here, so that your readers understand and don't feel so lost.

*Check2* As you know mom, Im 25 years and I have I'm years old— or I'm twenty-five and I have...

*Check3*I truly believe that whatever is out there beyond this life will be marvelous

*Check4* You won’t believe how rose helped to get the tape recorder and pampering Rose—and is pampering

*Check5* I m sorry for fighting with you all these time I'm — all the time

*Check1* I swear that Im very luck to have such a beautiful family. I'm — very lucky

*Check2* After listening to the conversation, she knew that she has cancer; had cancer

*Note* I'd suggest going back through and try to keep the story tense consistant. It makes it difficult to follow when it shifts constantly from present tense works like feels, cries to rubbed, felt etc. I pointed out a few examples of this above to try to show what I was talking about. Also there are a few places in the recording where Im should be I'm.*Note*

Overall, I thought it was a very touching story about a young woman's bravery and the peace she feels as her struggle comes to an end. With a little editing, I think this is something that will really shine!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Interesting story about a woman's struggle with alcohol. We watch as her mind engages her in a frantic tango, torn between the comforts of booze and the promise of something much more alluring. Addictions have a way of consuming people and you show that obsessive allure well with this story.

Below are a few thoughts/suggestions I had as I read. Please bear in mind that these are only my opinons and feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your style and story! *Smile*

*Check1* Her eye's twitched, eyes I think you want the plural sense of the owrd here, not the possessive.

*Check2* Much to her amusement I looked at the fork just to check. amusement, I comma

*Note1* A mirror looking down watching myself come undone, slow and seductive. I found this fragment to be a little confusing as a reader. I stumbled and reread this part twice. You might want to embelish a little more on this to make it clearer. Something like: My disconnected thoughts served as a mirror and I watched myself come undone, slow and seductive. I'm sure you can come up with something better, but that was just an example to show you what I meant by the suggestion.

*Check3* But this time when I woke she was still sleeping But this time, when I woke, she commas

The woman's choppy thoughts make it hard to follow at times, but it does add a certain "voice" to the character. Overall, I found it an enjoyable and thought provoking read!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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Review of The Crimson Rose  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Snow2*Review #4 of 5*Snow2*

Any fan of spine-tingling horror should grab a blanket and curl up with this story. From the start, it reaches out and seizes the reader by the throat—refusing to let go until the unnerving end! Whew, what a ride! *Thumbsup*

Ohh your description of Mallory when her husband bumped the cabinet was astounding! I could picture every detail and i absolutely adored the wording. Pinched features, flared nostrils, and blood dripping like silent rain. That gave me chills!
It is also an excellent turning point in the story, one certain to give the reader a shiver of unease as well. *Thumbsup*

The second segment is equally terrifying. Her "deal" with the old woman sets of loud warning bells, as does Brad's experience when he comes in from mowing the lawn. The suspense builds at a rapid pace, but you keep the mystery going. The reader is helpless in your clutches at this point. What choice do they have but to read on? As for me? I always found dolls of any kind to be creepy. Perhaps this is why!

"but instead of blood, crimson crystals dropped to the bed like hailstones." *Shock* If I have nightmares tonight, it will be all your fault! What a blood curtling line! Eee!

You end this on an amazing note. One that Masters of horror like King and Saul would envy. It also quietly warns of letting ourselves become too wrapped up in our obsession for material things. It is a shame Brad had to suffer too. I loved the line about his mind unraveling like a spool of thread. That is a comparison I had not heard before but seemed so perfect for this chilling tale!

Awesome job. I see no room for improvement, but I do feel an obscene urge to rid my house of figurines!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Snow2*Review #3 of 5*Snow2*

Oh what a powerful story! This one really strikes a poignant note and I found myself aching for a box of Kleenex too. It is tough being a parent. I think much of it is filled with regret. We make choices, thinking at the time that we are doing what is best for our family, for our children. The thing is, no matter how good we do, we will always look back and feel there is room for improvement. I see that in my own mother all the time. She is riddled with regrets and things she wishes she could change. The funny thing is, I swear I had the best parents in the whole world. I still feel that way.

Reading through this story though, I understand where your character was coming from. The one thing he did not give to his family is time. It is a fleeting, yet precious gift and something we can never get back. It's something we all wish we could give more of. His ambitions and priorities got shifted. He wanted to give his family the things he never had, yet robbed them of what they needed most. This caused a rift between him and his wife, and an emotional gap between himself and his oldest son.

They say it is never too late. I do so hope that is the case. It seemed he made a little progress durring the afternoon he spent with his son. What happens next will be entirely on his shoulders. A person can only handle so many disappointements and broken promises before they shut themselves off emotionally.

This was an excellent story, Kiya. One that makes us all want to take a moment to assess our own lives and the priorities we have. A powerful message woven into an emotional story! I don't see how you could possibly improve on that.*Thumbsup*
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Review of Having My Cake  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I, too, had to see what all the fuss was about on the public review page! *Laugh* That saying that curiosity kills the cat comes to mind now!

What a horrific image you've managed to paint and in so few words! I think it will be a while before I want to eat cake again. This was so vivid I could almost feel the march of little feet creeping across my skin. And the end *Shock*. On second thought, perhaps it is not wise to sit around with one;s mouth open!

Excellent job on both the writing and the creep factor! *Thumbsup*
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Review of Red and Gold  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a delightful, entertaining story about one woman and how she takes her passion as a fan to the extreme! It not only explores Jane’s obsession, but how it effects her relationship with the people around her. One does not have to be a fan of HP to enjoy this story.

You requested a harsh, in-depth review. I don’t know about harsh, but I will do my best to go in-depth and state my honest opinions. While I hope you find this review helpful, please bear in mind that these are just my opinions and feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your vision for the story! Here are my thoughts/suggestions as I read:

*Note1* Jane looked around herself in satisfaction. Herself is unnecessary. If she is looking around, the reader assumes she’s surveying her surroundings.

*Note2* On her chair was draped the traditional red and gold striped scarf. This reads a little awkward from a reader’s perspective. We have to rearrange the sentence. Suggestion: The traditional red and gold striped scarf was draped over her chair.

*Note3* Her roommate had not yet arrived, but was due any moment. If someone is due to arrive, it’s not necessary to say the hadn’t arrived yet.

*Check1* Jane imagined the happy times the two of them would have, discussing Harry Potter trivia, Oliver Wood their favorite couples Oliver Wood, their comma

*Note4* It was not her favorite of the seven books, but she couldn't seem to remember what color dress Hermione This just helps tighten the writing.

*Note5* Jane was so absorbed in the story that she didn't hear the cart coming down the hall. absorbed in the story, she

*Worry* Man, she does have it bad! Talk about obsession! I like how you have laid the framework so far by showing the extent of her HP inFANity. From posters, pillowcases, clothes, this girl has it all. The fact that she has to look up something because she can’t remember a certain dress color really drives that point home. *Thumbsup*

*Note1* “I love them.” She continued chattily. “If you Personally, I would take that part out and just let the conversation flow.

*Check2* What kind of person was she going to be living with?! What would they have in common!! What would they TALK about?!! Avoid using double punctuation marks. Editor’s frown on them. If you want to set something off, italics work nicely on the site. If you do not know how, on the top left side of the WDC screen is a site navigation bar. Click on Site Tools, WritingML Help, and Basic Tags. This will explain how. If you are writing this story as a manuscript and want something italicized, editors usually request you underline any text you want emphasized. It’s easier for their eyes to spot. *Wink*

*Note* She began to panic slightly, Try to avoid adverbs. Sometimes they are unavoidable, but they tend to clutter writing. Most times, the serve as a short cut for writers and can be replaced with a better description or stronger verb. For example: She moved slowly Gives a better sounding visual as She crept —don’t you think? Slight panic made her heart leap might be another way to descibe Jane’s feelings here. I’m sure you can come up with something better than my example. *Smile*

*Thumbsup* Nice visual description here! Her red and gold socks peeked out from under her jeans as she used her feet to push off her shoes. Even her socks are HP themed? *Laugh* What a funny character she is!

*Check3* They got along well enough when Jane deigned to talk on another topic, however, that hadn't happened enough for them to really strike up a friendship yet. topic. However, This can be divided into two sentences to avoid a run on.

*Check4* Who could think of homework at a time like this though." though?” This is a question.

*Question* "Bye Tammy! See you later!" Stacy waved down the hall as she opened the door to her room. It could just be me, but this came so abruptly, I had no idea who Tammy was or where she came from. I went back and reread twice looking for what I missed. It might help to clarify this a bit by saying Stacy waved at her friend down the hall or something to that effect

*Check5* What do you think?" she asked, twirling around in her full Hogwarts school robes. Hogwart’s

*Note1* "You're...wearing...that?" she asked incredulously as she cautiously made her way into the room. Just another example of using adverbs as shortcuts rather than showing the story.

*Check1* "It's so...itchy." she confided. itchy,” she confided.

*Note2* She finished scratching and looked around her once more, trying to see if she'd forgotten anything. Explained this in the beginning.*Wink*

*Question* "Oh, I'm sorry. You go ahead." A pleasant-looking boy said. Pleasant how? What did he look like? As a reader, I want to see, hear, feel, and taste the same things Jane does. These are the connections that draw a reader in and endear them to a story.

*Check2* "Ah." Comprehension filled Travis' face. Travis’s

Oh! *Confused* Ouch! I really felt for Jane when Travis grew cross and rushed away. Then again, I can’t blame him. Maybe this will help her realize her problem. Then again, maybe not! *Laugh*

He didn't even have a favorite Harry Potter book! EVERYONE had a favorite book! *Smirk* Not me. I’ve never read them, though I have watched two of the movies with my son.

*Note3* As the classical music assailed her sense, she slowly fell asleep. You might want to consider rewording this. As it reads it sounds like the classical music attacked her. Assail is a rough word. soothed her senses, maybe?

*Question* The next morning, Jane was slowly woken up by noises in the room. The next morning _____ noises woke Jane. what kind of noise? Rustling, banging, loud, soft?

*Note4* As they touched the floor she shivered a little from the sudden lack of warmth, then went to turn and turned the light on.

*Check1* Slipping it off it's hanger, its It’s is a contraction for it is.

As a reader, I would like some more details about what Jane sees, feels, etc. By fleshing out the character some more, I feel the reader will be able to make an even deeper connection.

Despite the sprawling notes above, (you asked for a harsh, in-depth review) I did enjoy the story! There were times I had to laugh about the extent of her obsession. It was interesting Jane go through her various stages of denial and form a tentative truce with her roommate. In analyzing Jane’s actions, the reader can even come away with a message. Sometimes we all have a habit of getting carried away when it comes to talking about our passions! I hope you continue this story. It will be interesting to see if Jane really is in recovery! *Laugh*

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Review of Ayden & Adonis  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This story spoke to my heart. I love the ill-fated lovers theme and the first couple lines were brilliant, drawing me right in. You have a way with description, painting an enchanting image of Adonis, the alluring nymph. we don't get to see much of Ayden appearance wise, but as the story unravels it becomes clear he is a man with a big heart. Hie beloved needs his help and he is willing to sacrifice everything on her behalf! *Thumbsup*

I did have a few thoughts/suggestions as I read. Please bear in mind these are just the opinions of one reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for your visions!

*Note1* Punctuation. "I mean you no harm. I am an outcast just like you.", he cries Because you attach a tag indicating who is speaking, it should look like this. "I mean you no harm. I am an outcast just like you," he cries See how the comma replaces the period inside the quotation marks?

*Note2* It makes it easier to read and follow if you start a new paragraph whenever the person speaking changes. It also helps prevent the author from having to attach a "he said/she said" tag to every line because it is clear who is speaking.

*Check1* "Wellthen, "Well then, two words

The end felt a little rushed to me as a reader. In that, I mean it would have been nice to have experienced some of Adonis's emotions. Her love just committed the ultimate sacrifice on her behalf. All we really know is that she cried and killed herself. Build the tension, explain what she feels. Guilt? Shame? Did her heart ache, did her throat hurt as the tears built? Adding small details like that help pull the reader in and make them connect with your character on a personal level. The more time you invest in your character's emotions, the more the reader will care.

Overall, It was a good story. As I said, you have the wording down. With a little fleshing out and character depth, it would be amazing. These are my favorite plots. *Smile* Write on!
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Review of Clucking Duck  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Me,

Welcome to WDC! (that may just be my first poem ever~ laughs)

Such a cute title! I love ducks and am so ready for spring! *Heart* You paint an adorable image with your words and I love how this teaches us to embrace each other's differences! It is a valuable lesson for children and adults. More so on those young, impressionable minds!

Below are some thoughts/suggestions as I read. Please bear in mind these are just my opinions and as I already warned, I'm no poet! Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You are the best judge of what works for your poem!

*Check1* They've been there since the month of may. May

*Check2* & and should be spelled out

*Note1* It clucks like a hen,
In front of all the men,
Although I am no poet, I think striking "the" gives it a better flow here. Just my opinion. *Wink*

Same here: It is unique,
But they all call him a freak,

Like noone I've even known. no one two words.

Overall, I thought this was a cute poem! I thought you would like to know my daughter enjoyed as well!
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