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1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
~laughs~ Oh! This was priceless! I loved the wit you incorporated in this poem. And to think you managed this while thumbing your nose at the world's sad state of affairs! *Laugh*

Sadly, peace and goodwill have taken leave. The salesman should have gifts a plenty this year.



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Review of Last ride  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
He waited at the bus stop, just as he would have on any other morning. The bus pulled up late, as it would any other morning. He got on the bus, just as he would on any other morning. This was however no ordinary morning; this was the last morning of his life, the last day of his life.
I'm just not sure about this part. I know what you are trying to convey, but it is too redundant. Especially for being an opening hook.

His name is John Roberts, it is no longer important, it is an unexceptional name, and he is an unexceptional man. Run on sentence. Break this into seperate sentences.

His hair was brown, what was left of it anyway. His eyes, which shone a dark brown, were his most attractive feature. You used brown twice in a row. Why not try dull chestnut for the hair or sepia for the eyes?

John smiled at the bus driver and wondered if it would be the drivers last morning as well. driver's

He never usually sat at the back of the bus. Today, however, he wanted to be able to see all those who gotevery one get on.

The example above is a way to tighten your writing and add further impact. It is just a suggestion.*Smile*

When spelling our numbers like twenty four, they are joined with a hypen. Ex: twenty-four.


He met her at his aunts wedding aunt's Words showing possession need an appostrophe.


She was an infallible optimist and soon he left the depression of his youth and matched her high spirits, for the first time in his life he liked who he was. Run on sentence. It can be broken after spirits. Ie: For the first time in his life, he liked who he was.

Wow. My heart breaks for John—and the innocent passengers on that bus! This needs tightened for deeper impact. You have a great premise here and I loved the cliffhanger ending. The plot was both morbid and original. This is a story definately worth working on.

Best wishes,
Adriana.
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403
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is an amazing story! Every line, lives and breathes that classic Hollywood film-noir air! I could hear the gravely, near monotone voice of Lou.

The plot moved quickly, packed with action and clever thoughts. It draws a reader in deep, placing them in the story itself as a silent observer. This was nothing short of incredible!

She was shaking like one of those yappy little lap dogs that dames like so much. *Laugh* This is a shining example at how rich your character's voice is. He is flavorful, witty, and vibrant!

I only noticed one thing, and it is obvious you strive for perfection as this story was nothing but!
In the 15th paragraph, where Lou spies the goons near the lamp post: Vinny.s guys would always Vinny's

AMAZING read! *Heart*
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Review of Fictuals  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an intricate strand of thoughts. The message deep, complex, and intangible. Something powerful lurks beneath these lines, yet dances...too elusive to be captured. I love pieces that make you sit and think.

Putting a line break between thoughts would help them to stand out and make this easier to read.

I hope the sense of wonder and joy return to you again. A world without song or the sweet whispers of muses is a hollow one indeed.

Best Wishes!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Impressions as I read:

It was in the dead of the night, or morning I guess is what it really was. This can be a bit confusing. If it is morning, describe the stillness of the morning.

As I read on, I am again confused. The story started out in a first-person narrative. Then it shifts to third.

A lot of this story repeats itself. If it were another spiece I would think it redundant...but honestly, I think it lends an air of desperation and panic. That fits in well with your character's state of mind.

You did a lot of telling here, not showing. That could be mainly because of the passive voice.

Overall, you did catch the air of desperation in those final dying moments of a relationship. I think with some polishing, this could be an outstanding emotional piece.

Best Wishes!
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406
Review of Gangster Room  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Oh! What a tragic twist at the end! It left me stunned, and wondering who fired the gun!

I liked the plot and the atmopshere seeping through the story. It helps get the reader in a state of unease.

I did notice a little room for improvement, but nothing major. Ex: We opened it with care, and were surprised at the delicate writing and floral fringe that surroundedsurrounding the peach paper.

Overall, it was a fast but enjoyable read.

Best Wishes,
Adriana
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407
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
~shudders~ I don't think I've ever seen Santa portrayed in this light before. He certainly does come across as evil in your story. You somehow managed to take a beloved character, notorious for being fat and jolly...and turn him into a believeably dark monster.

Those hunters. First Bambi's mom, now Rudolph. Have they no shame?

Kudos on originality! Best wishes.
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Though heartbreaking, there is an undeniable beauty painting this story. The way you weave words together makes them dance through the mind. they sing with life of their own.

These two lines were my favorites. there were times when even angels’ tears could not wash away the despair and the emptiness. and a Christmas tree doesn’t seem to emanate the same warm glow when it’s standing next to a coffin.

There is something brilliant about them. You have a great talent. It is easy to see why you are graced with a yellow brief case.

Best wishes!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful tribute to your family and a testament to your own character. It is inspiring and refreshing to see people still look to their loved ones for strength, hope, and faith. Anymore, it seems too many idolize and make heros out of the rich and famous...people who's life and actions will never even touch theirs.

Best wishes to you and yours. Thank you so much for sharing this.
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Review of The Asylum  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Laugh* Thank you for the laugh! though the subject is dark, you did paint it with a light comedic air!

Bweare of the quirks, indeed. The thought of punishment in a place like that is enough to make me shudder.

Best wishes!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Bittersweet from the very start, this poem is a vivid portrait of pain and suffering. I like the reference at the end to the fallen sparrows and He who sees all.

Society, in general, can be so cruel. Many times, I wonder what this world has come to.

Thank you for this poignant insight and the lovely ode to those locked away and forgotten.
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Review of Katya  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
She realized her hands were bound to a pole behind her as she sat kneeled on hard cement flooring in what could only be her prison. This reads awkwardly. Breaking it into two seperate sentences will help improve the flow.

Katya had always known she had been adopted Katya always knew she had been adopted. ~ Try to avoid writing in passive voice when possible. I noticed a lot of this as I read more. Eliminating a lot of those phrases will help tighten your writing, add impact, and cut down on the sentences that run on too long.

There are many run on sentences. Breaking them up will cut down on this and also improve flow.

Over all, I think you have a good start to a mystery/thriller. It keeps the reader guessing. With a little tightening, you could have an amazing piece. Let me know when the next chapter comes out!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
One major suggestion, plea even...When writing stories, especially this long, it is a good idea to put line breaks between paragraphs, dialogue, etc. It is too hard on the eyes to read through a piece this long on the computer screen when it is all smashed together.

As for the story, you write very good visuals and use great descriptive writing. I am not sure if it was meant to be humourous, but I came away amused. There were several places where quotation marks were missing or displaced and in the beginning, it is best to spell numbers out. It would be a lot easier to read with the line breaks.

Overall, I enjoyed this quirky, offbeat piece. Good work.
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Review of The Asylum  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is one of the best stories I have read in a while, horror or otherwise. It is intense, gripping, and very realistic. One of my favorite scenes was where Amaranth leapt on the desk and you described her. It was very vivid and painted a clear image of her, not only to the reader but through Emerson's eyes.

For some reason she was suspect from the beginning. This was nothing you did, but a vague feeling I got. I loved the fast pace, the description and how you tied all the ends together. Emerson got what he deserved and I could see Amaranth's manicial smile of glee in the end.

In the very last paragraph foetal position should be fetal

Excellent read and job well done. Your hard work shows.
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Review of Security  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It is wonderful when something we read catches us by surprise. You managed to do that with this story. It moves quickly and the dialogue was witty and clever.

In the last paragraph before the ending dialogue: Long, slow howles howls

However, the end did confuse me a bit. In the beginning, the girl's name was Teri and by the end, it was Tina. Was Tina her clan name or was this a slip up? If Teri, was not her actual name, a little explaination would clarify that.
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
There is something haunting and beautiful about this poem. Maybe it is the subject matter or the way you weave the words together. The rain seems symbolic for atonement, for cleansing, for the washing away of hurt and wrongs done.

The first segment read smoothly. However, after that, the flow feels off. Not right somehow. This is especially true in the last segment. The pace is broken, uneven and detracts from what could be a truly amazing piece.

I admire your bravery and the dedication it must take to write poetry. Good job.
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Review of My Useless Muse  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
~laughs~ As one who often feels the same, your title drew me right in! I like how you give a little background on yourself before giving us a peek at your muse.

Though this was a humorous piece, your frustration and moments of disgust shine through. I must admit, I am glad that my muse is at least hygenically inclined...though every bit as stubborn and unaccomodating.

~ He's sulking now, but he’ll be back and I'll let him in.~ I loved this line. It is short, sweet and to the point. Just like this story.
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Review of Love In Mourning  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This story drips with beautiful angst. The young girl's emotion pours forth with every word she utters to the cold stone. I thought it was a wonderful premise and probably a difficult piece to write.

In the fifth paragraph __ Squeezing her eyes shuts, her knees hit the prickly grass. ~This should be eyes shut~

Also, I felt the story would have a lot more impact if you used less prepositions and passive voice. For exapmle:Whimsical musings are voiced by twittering birds who flitter from limb to limb of the large oak tree that shaded one corner of the Memorial Gardens.

This could be: Flittering birds sing whimsical musings in the large oak shading one corner of Memorial Gardens.

Polished black marble seemed to sparkle in the sunlight, his name seemingly lit in silver. ~You used a form of "seemed" twice in the same sentence. The first one is unnecessary. Either the polished marble sparkled in the sun or it didn't.

These are just opinions and suggestions. Your story was powerful and heartwrenching and an enjoyable read! Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work!
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Review of Writer's Block  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
~laughs~ That is all too true! Why is it that muses always seem to speak up as we are falling asleep, driving, or in the middle of something inescapeable like a family function? I think writers corner the market on being tortured artists!

Lovely little poem and though it was humorous, I share your pain.
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Review of Doppleganger  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Absolutely chilling! You worded this perfectly, I especially liked the line about being the distant, tainted twin. Perhaps that stems from being a twin myself. Doppelgangers are a scary subject and thanks to you, I feel this overwhelming need to cover all the mirrors in the house and peer over my shoulder!

Well done!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thankfully, I drink Coke products, not Pepsi! ~laughs~

This was very well written, fast paced, and held my attention throughout. Ancient Rome and its history have always fascinated me. I found no errors, but I was so engrossed, I may not have noticed!

The only thing I found confusing was the way Torrence treated her slaves. I am not familiar with them on the battlefield and maybe it was a personal preference of hers...but for the most part house slaves were treated very well, serving as advisors, friends, and confidants of their Masters and Mistresses. Their treatment was equivilent to that of a pampered pet. Like I siad could be her personal preference or maybe this was standard of battle.

I really enjoyed this story abd am hoping there is more of their saga in Rome. Keep up the great work.
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow. Your work has left me speechless and that is not an easy feat to accomplish! It was flawless. The vantage point was chilling, yet it possessed stark rationalization. Cause for pause, if you will. Honestly, I'm a little disturbed that some of this made as much sense as it did. Maybe my soul is a bit darker than what I originally feared, a bit too cynical.

Fantastic wording and an amazing story. Well Done!
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Ah! What a pleasant surprise to see you update your port!

You have a very unique style, robust with vibrant detail and deep emotion. It places a reader directly into the story, making it possible to see and feel everything the characters do.

One of my favorite images is where she is peeking out the kitchen window and finds him directly on the other side. It brings a smile to my lips every time.

~smiles at the use of "darling"~ Those debonaire men will get you every time.

You are a treasure trove of talent and have an admirable way of weaving fresh adjectives together. At times, your word choice leaves me green with envy and that isn't the Irish blood creeping through!

Best of luck to you!
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Review of A Vision Unclear  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful, haunting, and tradgic. Your emotions pour forth with each angst-ridden word. I love the discription and the way you weave your ajectives together. So sorrowful and bittersweet, an honest and raw look at love in its truest form...pain. Very well done.
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
As he crossed the street he noticed a little ice cream parlor. Kohr’s it said in bright colors. ~ This made me stumble. Just a suggestion but it would flow easier if it were something like —— As he crossed the street, he noticed a little ice cream parlor. The sign above the door spelled Kohr's in bright neon letters.

Maybe I can butts heads with some guys there and get to know them. ~ This should be butt heads.

Poor Joe, the guy is so morose and downtrodden! I can't help but crave a little more imagery and detail. It would go a long way to adding more depth to your characters and story while easing the choppiness. I think with just a little bit of tweaking and delving into Joe's issues . . . like his mother;s marriage and such, you could have a fantastic story.

Good work and keep up the writing!
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