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1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of all the time  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Ello maribel johnson *Bigsmile* and welcome to WDC!

Overview: There is a lot of hurt and sorrow emenating from this poem. It speaks of longing and lfe unfulfilled. It has a very somber tone and a beautiful, but meloncholic voice. The theme is one may can relate to, as life often brings disappointments.

You did pretty well matching rhyme and metre. I only noticed a few spots that could use a small tweak to even them out.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
this heat of mine
Did you mean heart? I'm not sure how pain could linger in someones heat.

As a reader, I found myself wanting to know why? why the reasons for the pain and disappointment? Did the mother pass? Was she not there for the daughter? I think outlining the reasons why the emotions are there would really help define this poem and give the reader something to connect to.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* "the world is not so kind" ---such a powerful and true statement. It is a lesson we all eventually learn and often the hard way.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: This was a good poem and I really enjoyed reading it. It had a vast amount of emotion poured into a short piece of work. Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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127
127
Review of Young Lovers  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Ello NickC *Bigsmile* and welcome to WDC!

Overview: Young love is usch a powerful and intense thing. I think you embodied those feelings, that all emcompassing obsession very well here. Reading this, one gets the impression of two young lovers throwing caution to the wind and pitting themselves against the world, with each other.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Where you talk about knowing it cannot last so they proclaim forever in a moment. This was a very poignant section and I loved the wording.

In Closing: This was a very good poem and I enjoyed reading it. It took me back to my first love and the burning feeling in my soul that I remember so well! Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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128
128
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Ello Kung-Fu Kayla *Bigsmile* and welcome to WDC!

Overview: Very interesting poem. It's actually quite thought provoking. Sometimes life does hold a very surreal quality and it is easy to see how these questions could form, especially in the mind of a teen where everything they think or feel comes into question.

There is good flow and rhyme throughout this poem and it is a fun read. I like that despite the father's warning, the doubt still remains.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
While it poses a good question and gets one thinking, I didn't feel much emotion. I think maybe including a few words that highlight the uncertainty or complacance would up the ante here.

clock tick's
{/c:rose}Since you aren't showing any possession here I think maybe it should be ticks.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The father's words of wisdom. They rang true and sound very much like something my own parents would have said.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Great poem and very interesting to read and ponder! I love reading things that have depth and meaning ebyond the mere words penned and you definitely offered that in spades! Thank you so much for sharing your work!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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129
129
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Ello Robin:TheRhymeMaven *Bigsmile*

Overview: Sweet beezus! This was intense and utterly flawless! I know whenever I stop by your port, I will find some of the best poetry around, but wow, wow, wow! This has to be one of my favorites that I've read from you so far.

The imagery was intense, the flow and rhyme spot on, and the content gripping. It was also very cool how you spelled out a phrase with the first letter of each line. I know there is a technical term for that, but not being a poet, it eludes me. *Blush*

This was a great poem about love and the madness it can drive us to. This man (or woman...I guess it is possible) is driven to the brink of madness by their unfaithful spouse. What ensues is a vivid and violent killing spree.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
Not a thing! A deserving first-place winner. Please don't change a word.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I can't choose. I just can't. Everything worked so well together.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Incredible, awesome work. I know you are probably tired of me raving, but honestly, you deserve it. You are a tremendously gifted poet and it is always a treat to read your work. Thank you so much for sharing!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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130
130
Review of The Toad  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Ello FaithMcCord *Bigsmile*

Overview: Very interesting title and description. The short synopsis you provided is what drew my interest, but your writing pulled me in and held it til the end!

I really connected with your descriptions of this small town and the man struggling after losing his job there. I live in a very similar town and was able to connect to it on a personal level. you set up the scenery very well in this tale!

I felt sorry for this man. He came across as very lonely, very uncertain, and I think that is something that in this economy, people are able to relate to. The toad was a fascinating element to this story. Both soothing and chilling, you lead the reader along, making us wonder what role and impact this tiny creature will have on the story. I loved your descriptions of it and the parts about the bog gave me chills and made me want to wrinkle my nose!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
He worked the night, slept the day, sometimes he saw his brother; when Carl was at home.
Since semi colons are used to join complete sentenses, I think this one needs moved a bit.
slept the day; sometimes he saw his brother, when Carl was at home.

blinking it's gold eyes,
It's is the contraction for it is.
its

i think he looks hungry
I --Also, this sudden point of view shift was jarring. Since the story is told from "his" POV, you might want to stick with that tense. He thinks it looks hungry.

He shifted in his wooden chair, the seat was
Comma splice. You may want to consider ending the sentence there or join it with a semi-colon instead of a comma

air to thick to breath...
too thick---breathe

Plot: I became lost toward the end of the story. The passage of time is not clear. You mention in the beginning how he visits Carl when Carl is home. Things are worded so that it feels as if only a few days or even weeks pass, yet we find out that Carl has been dead for ten years. Did this happen when they were children or after he was fired? Also, we are given no idea how much time passes with him visiting with the toad to the scene in the librabry. The transition was very abrupt and a little jarring.

I think this is one area that needs clarified a little so that the reader understands and is able to feel the full impact of the story. How much time passes...and when Carl's death was in relation to the timeline we are given.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The descriptions of the toad and its presence. It is almost as if Carl himself came back to visit with his brother. Though benign, it drives the protagonist into a state of discontent and near madness. This was a unique element and well executed.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: I think you have a great start and a solid foundation here. this was a very interesting read and well written. I think once you clarify the plot a little more, this will be an outstanding horror story! Thank you so much for sharing and for the chills!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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131
131
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ello Redtowrite *Bigsmile* After reading "Peace Pipes and Pink Ribbons" , I wanted to share my thoughts with you.

Overview: This is a very sweet and uplifting story that touches the heart on many levels. Angela's love for her child and her determination to survive make this a poignant journey that I think many reader will be able to relate to.

Your scenery is excellent in this story. One of my favorite elements was how well you described the house and the ocean. the sights, the smells, I felt as if I were standing there with her. And despite the detail, the pace of the story was not bogged down.

Carl is a wonderful addition to the tale. He brought all of the things Angela had been missing. Warmth,love, understanding and a true partner,not a half-time participant. Through their loss and search for a new life, they found each other and theirs was a wonderful connection to watch develop.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
~How could do this to me
could you do

~meant "strength and beauty".
beauty."

~add to it's beauty".
its--it's is the contraction for it is. Also, the period should be inside the quotation marks here.

~married again within the year".
year."

~a tube feeding and then a bootle
bottle

~she could breast fed.
feed

~love this woman'.
woman.'

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The moment of compassion Angela showed when she sent a card to the mother of the teenage driver. Not many people can look beyond the actions of people like that to see and understand that their families hurt too. That was a touching scene.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: This was a great story and I really enjoyed reading it! It's a touching drama and you did a wonderful job showing the setting. The characters are heart warming and the plot realistic. Thanks so much for sharing your talents with us!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*

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132
132
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Judity,

I can't imagine a more horrifying ordeal. I've had a few episodes where I have been paralyized for a moment or two, but to lay there for days and not be able to move must have been a struggle. You show so much courage and strength in your actions and recant this tale with raw and candid honesty. I could imagine your cat going from the snippy creatures they are to one of concern. One thing that really struck me was your thoughts as you smelled the rose bush outside your window.

You are lucky to have such good friends. Their concern saved your life. However, no one should ever have to endure the comments your family made toward you, especially from their own flesh and blood. Way to go, Judity! I am so glad you survived, and happier still you found the courage and strength to walk away from their abuse and find the inner you!

Thanks for sharing this poignant tale of survival and independence! *Heart*

Best wishes always,
Adriana
133
133
Review of Him  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Ello Adam Merfeld *Bigsmile*

Overview: I love how you start things off here. I could feel Michael's excitement as he woke up, looking forward to his mom's waffles and a game of football with his friends. However, because his mom has to work, he finds himself forced to babysit his little brother. I really loved his reaction to this situation. I remember feeling the same way when I had to help keep an eye on younger cousins or play with them. It was very realistic and a good way to set up a foundation for your character. His reluctance to give up his free time also sets up a starting point for your plot.

Wanting to play, he leaves Matt on the sidelines with his friend Charlie. After the game, Matt is no where in sight. One has to wonder...did Charlie not notice Matt wandering off, or did he maybe have something to do with it? These are the questions that will keep readers turning the pages. *Smile*

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
~his mothers annoyed voice
mother's

~Can i play
I

~take him with you or stay at home"
home."

~laugh of the school"
school."

~but his team lacked at defense
I think this would flow smoother without 'at.'
his team lacked defense

~"What?" she ashed
asked

~Just as they were about to leave
You left off in mid-sentence here.

There are actually quite a few places where you are missing end punctuation within the quotation marks. A quick read through and edit should fix this.

It's just a thought here, but all of the descriptions of the football game play by play might bog down the story a bit and make readers want to skim. My advice would be to trim them down or cut them out of the story to keep the action flowing and the suspense tight. One way to do this would be to have Mike glance up after the game ends and the celebration to find Matthew missing and play on the fear and panic he must be feeling. I only suggest this since each play is not vital to the story and it doesn't move things forward, but drags them out. Just a thought. *Wink*

Alos...I can't help but wonder...ther was no mention of him looking for or talking to Charlie. since he was the last one to see Matt, why wouldn't Mike at least ask him where his brother was? Was Charlie missing as well? If so, you may want to mention this to the readers.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I liked the description of Mike after the game. Here he is, a strapping guy and a football hero, but he becomes shy and awkward around girls. It's an endrearing trait and helps humanize him, giving the reader something to relate to.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: I think you have a good start here. It's definitely an interesting premise and you have several strong directions you could take this story in! Thanks for sharing!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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134
134
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Kiya,

This is a beautiful and moving tribute to a man...a legend...and an icon. Despite whatever he may or may not have done, he was a human being, and one who gave many positive contributions to the world. Anyone in Generation X would be hard ressed to say they did not hear or listen to his music growing up, they we were not awed by this larger than life persona and the creative genius he showed. Yes, the world lost a tremendous artist, his family lost a loved one, and his children, their father.

You point out his childhood, and I am glad. Growing up under those conditions, with that amount of pressure, had to take its toll. It does on everyone. I'm hard pressed to think of any child stars that grew up "normal" and free of problems or issues. Heck, I grew up under ideal circumstances and still have to wonder really, which one of us can even claim such perfection?

Despite the surgeries, I will never think of Michael as "white." He was an incredibly talented African American performer and I think given a lot of circumstances opened many, many doors where some prejudices may still have lingered. I'm not sure what prompted those decisions, but find it so sad. He went from beging handsome and healthy to having to wear things on his face to hide disfigurements....That is a mystery I will never understand.

Anyway, you wrote a beautiful, deep, and proud tribute to a man we all felt we "knew." When talking with my mother about his passing this morning, there was a long pause of reflection, and she said something that made me smile. As a huge fan of his, I am sure you will know and understand the setiment here. "It is sad. But at least now he may find some peace, and he is with Bubbles again."

R.I.P Michael, and thank you, Kiya, for sharing what he meant to you, and reminding us to remember the person, not just the performer.
135
135
Review of Third Date  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Ello nick7913 *Bigsmile*

Overview: Wow! All is not what it seems in this story! I like that you start things off at dinner. Casual conversation between two people over food, as they rue today's dating scene was a very clever introduction for this tale.

You inch things along slowly, building both suspense and erotic tension as they prepare to leave and Wendy leads Greg, not home, but an unknown destination. This is where a true sense of unease begins to settle over the reader and the horror element begins. I have to say, I was relieved that you did not take this in the predictable direction of her being a vampire, but ended with a refreshing twist. *Thumbsup*

The dialogue is sparse, but what you have helps move the story along and give the reader a better feel about who these characters are and what is making them tick. Setting is well defined, giving the reader a decent picture of the surroundings at all times.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
I can't help but feel as if something is missing from the plot here. Greg and Wendy are only on their third date and there is no mention of how they discovered they had a "shared interest" and their attack on the man in the park was too orchestrated to be coincidence. For example, he pulls out a knife and she, her scalpel...but how did they know that the other was a killer as well? This is not the sort of thing one just does on impulse in front of someone, hoping they accept it.

I think including some small clue as to how they discovered this would help close the hole in your plot and give the reader a point of focus to connect to.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The fact that there is a shy awkwardness between this couple. It's not a common bonding activity, but their thoughts, fears, and hopes are very much the norm. It lent them a certain charm and appeal, despite their actions.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: I think you have a really good story here. It's unique and takes a different twist than one would expect. The writing itself is great. With just a little more detail in filling in the holes, I think you would have an outstanding piece of work here. Thanks for sharing!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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136
136
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Ello Lauren Nichole Jordan and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

Overview: I loved the imagery in this poem. From the spikes to the sharp talons, to the taut chains, I could picture it all. the emotions expressed are very candid. Not many people admit to their flaws with such honesty, and it was a refreshing twist! This poem also had a great pace and flow, and the rhyme scheme worked well.

The title definitely caught my interest. I think when we hunger for something bad enough, all of us have the capability to morph into something we usually aren't. It complimented this piece and accented your theme.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
~weap and pout
weep

In Closing: Everything came together very nicely in this poem. You painted strong pictures with your words, sent out lively bolts of emotion, and it kept my interest throughout. Great work!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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137
137
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Ello Aleister Loft and welcome to WDC! I hope that you are finding your experience here to be both enjoyable and rewarding! *Bigsmile*

Overview: Wow. This is one intense story. I love how you laid this one out, setting up the very real threat of the escaped mental patient hiding in the woods, this man's terror as he raced through them, and the chilling effect of the shadow men who raced on his heels in hot persuit!

My heart pounded as he tried to make his way through the woods. Ensconced in the vivid nightmare of his tangled thoughts, I read with baited breath waiting to see what would happen next and if he would find his way out. You paced this story very well, and included a strong vibe of mystery and intruige that complimented the horror aspect of this story to a tee!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
There were quite a few comma splices here. That is, complete sentences capable of standing on their own. Instead of joining them with a comma, they should be broken into two sepereate sentences or joined with a semicolon. An example of this from your story is here: This is all too much for me, I commence to sprinting away from these men in black.
See how they could stand alone? A careful read through should catch these for you. *Smile*

~previous to waking ha been
have been

I think it would help intensify the fear in the reaer if you played a little more on his. for exaplme, describe maybe the shortness of breath, the twisting in his gut, or the frantic hammer of his heart in his chest as he is running and being caught. Just a thought here.

In the third to last paragraph, you end two sentences in a row with the phrase "the room." Being such a short story, you may want to avoid close repettion of phrases and words.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* The wicked twist at the end. Not only was it a fabulous way to end things, but I thought it was perfectly worded!

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Overall, i thought this was an outstanding tale. You executed plot and pacing very well and you had a flawless combination of all the elements used. I enjoyed this immensely and look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing this story and your talents here!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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138
138
Review of Trouble Brewing  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Ello Nikola~Loving Her Gracie Girl! *Bigsmile*

This was adorable! You had me laughing out loud here as I read about this witch's bumbling antics. As much as I hate to admit it, this would be me if I ever tried to follow a recipie or potion to a tee! *Laugh*

Everything was spot on here from the rhythm and flow to the vivid imagery you used. It told a cute story infused with humor, while painting a clear picture for the reader. It was jaunty and fun, and very well written! We've all had days like this to be sure. I'd have given you 5 *Star*s!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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139
139
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Ello Redtowrite *Bigsmile*

Overview: I couldn't get through this emotional story without a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Your characters are compelling. I felt drawn to this compassionate nurse, and admired the strength and courage Pam showed as she battled her cancer. Having lost many loved ones to this devestating disease, your story of life, hope, and endurance truly touched my heart.

You show how easy it is to become attached to patients, to offer a hand, and see them as more than a case. I know this makes it harder sometimes for medical professionals to accept the inevitable, but surely it made Pam's last days a little easier. I felt so deeply for her, as she worried about her husband and children, and ached as the holiday neared and death stepped in. *Sad*

You handled this story well, letting the characters show the depth of the tale and not overshadowing it. I connected with them, with their struggles and emotions, and felt the impact at the end.

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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140
140
Review of FEMA Blues  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Ello ♥Hooves♥ *Bigsmile*

I had the feeling I was in for a treat reading this, and I was right! I had quite a few friends who lost their homes or much of what they had to Katrina, and their setiments were not far off from yours here.

This is a very well written poem. It has a quick, smooth pace and rhyme scheme that flows well. What I enjoyed most was the tongue-in-cheek style and the dry, cutting sense of humor you used here. *Thumbsup*

It frustrates me that 20-30 percent of our pay goes into the federal government but when you look at what they give back through the programs we supposedly help fund....it is pitiful. Truly. So much more should have been done, including early preventive measures to help get people out of LA that had no means to leave. Great poem!
Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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141
141
Review of Love / War poem  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Ello Odd_One_Out *Bigsmile*

Overview: I was very impressed with the fluid ease of this poem. It read with a very crisp and concise flow. Flawless rhyme and pattern, and considering how few words you used, I had a very clear image of these women sitting around as they chattered.

The feel of this piece was very jaunty and upbeat, it almost flowed like a quick song or nursery ryhme, though the content itself delved much deeper.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* As flawless as the execution of your work was, I can't help but feel that something vital is missing here. I didn't feel the love aspect that your title eludes to. Because of this, I didn't really feel the pain at the end. I think if you include just a bit more emotion, the forced smiled or twisting hands beneath the table or absentminded words...something...the reader would feel the impact of this poem.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I'm deeply impressed by the flow and rhyme of this piece. It really was impeccable. I can't imagine the amount of work and effort that went into that. It's seldom that I run into poems with a set pattern that read without a hitch!

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Great work. I enjoyed my stay in your port and look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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142
142
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Ello Flora Sunshine Hope and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

Overview: Catchy title and I will admit, your description had me curious! This was a beautiful piece and by the end of this poem, my eyes stung with tears. What a lovely and moving tribute to your sister. It reminded me so much of the bond I share with mine, the one my mother shares with her, and even the bittersweet gambit of emotions a parent feels watching their child grow up.

I think this is a solid piece of writing that will touch your readers and give them emotions they can relate to and connect with. It had a nice style and a smooth flow. Your imagery speaks to the heart. Very well done!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
You have one place where you have an extra space before a comma, and another place where you have no space between the comma and the word after it. A quick read through and edit should clear this right up for you. *Smile*

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Gosh, it was hard to pick. The overall package here is just so wonderful. I would have to say the emotion you evoked. I love it when someone's writing moves me to laughter, fear, or tears and you managed to do just that!

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Very beautiful poem. Time moves so quickly. Gifts like this one are the most precious and I hope that you have had a chance to share this with your sister. Thank you so much for sharing this talented piece of work, and a bit of your heart with us.

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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143
143
Review of Until Then  
Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Ello Mccr8 and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

Overview: I really liked this poem. It seems a complex piece of work. You have great imagery and a very bold tone that paints a vivid picture for the reader.

It speaks of a longing to waken to better times, a place without pain or fear and with the talks of bombs, it really gave this item a nice patriotic feel. *Thumbsup*

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
I can't help but wonder if it would help gain more readers if you were to give a description of the poem itself. Just a little hint about what the content is to help lure them in. *Wink*

I'm not familiar with all the forms, but the ryhme scheme was a little confusing. In the first stanza you followed an A B a b pattern, in the second, all end words rhymed, then the end, there seemed to be no set pattern. It might help cement your style and the flow, if you chose a pattern and stuck with it for the duration of the poem. Just a thought.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I loved the "voice" of this piece. It had a very distinct voice and it conveys the message of wanting to awake and live in a world without pain or suffering.

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Nice work! I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing your poem and your talents.

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Ello biddle *Bigsmile* Thanks for stopping by my port! It was my pleasure to read your item, "Living to Be Worthy of the Cost" , and I wanted to share my thoughts with you!

Overview: What a profoundly moving poem. I read this and got chills, and by the end, tears stung my eyes. I'm touched by the words you have penned, the deep honor and respect you show to those brave men and women that give so much to our country.

This poem had a smooth flow and the rhyme worked very well. It tells the tale of a brave man going off to the service, and then to war. It's a beautiful tribute to veterans and gives the reader something to consider.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
None! This was stellar!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star*
The last stanza. It really had an impact. One has to wonder, but I couldn't agree more. I do hope and pray our lives are worth the cost and the sacrifice. Not just be the ones who commit themselves to serving our country, but to their families as well. *Heart*

*Note*Please remember that all suggestions and thoughts are my sole opinion as a reader. Feel free to use or discard them as you feel best suits your style and the work of art you have created. *Smile*

In Closing: Beautiful! Very patriotic and blunt. I really enjoyed reading this and thank you for sharing your talent and work with the rest of us here on WDC!

Best wishes and happy writing! *Heart*
~Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Markus! *Smile* As a huge fan of Jason's I just had to stop by and see what you had to say about the remake. I've been impressed so far with the quality added to the renowned horror flicks of the 80s, and I know several people clammoring for Freddy to be added to this growing list.

I thought this review well-written and you make your point well, but I have to disagree on several key points here. In the remake, Jason is not yet the undead. He never died, as was explained in the beginning. He witnessed his mother's rampage and susequent murder, which is what sent him on his own vengeful quest. We also saw a different side here than was ever presented before, and perhaps one that made him less of a monster and the audience more sympathetic to his character. He had emotion. He kept Clay's sister alive and prisoner...why...because she reminded him of his mother. She had a calming effect on him, and ultimately it was this care and devotion that did him in. In essense, the remake added depth and a bit of phsycology to not just Jason, but the entire plot. I thought this the most drastic change, and perhaps the bigest improvement.

At any rate, nice review! Here's to a bigger, faster, and more cunning villain. I'm looking forward to the sequals and your reviews. *Bigsmile*
~Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ello WhoMe! *Bigsmile*

I fell in love with this poem. I just love the message it conveys and the gentle urgings you offer. It is so easy to become engrossed in one's own problems and hectic schedule, but easier still to spare that one second for a smile. It's the simple acts of kindness in life that are the greatest gifts.

I think my favorite line was to remember the effect. You show so easily that "Pay it forward" mentality and just how easily it spreads!

Great wording, style, and flow. This is a golden message! Keep you the great work and thanks for sharing! Best wishes! *Heart*
Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Dilly and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

Very catchy title and description! I saw this and had to race over to see if someone had figured the mystery out! *Laugh* Alas, I guess we may never know. However, this poem was brilliant! Cute and witty, it had a jaunty flow that is sure to grab the reader's atteention and put a huge smile on their face.

Very clever piece. I liked the mock lament and the style here. It moves quickly and paints an image and plight we can all relate to! I'm sad that someone beat me to giving this a ribbon.

My only teeny tiny suggestion is here:
In washer,dryer,
missing a space after the comma following washer

I loved this! Thank you for sharing and best wishes!
Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Shelly and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile*

I loved the imagery in this piece. The thoughtful reflections went hand-in-hand with the image of the pencil and the struggle to get focused is one I think many writers here will relate to. You describe the inconsistent battle so well in the first few lines! I also liked the sensory experience within this item. The smell of shavings and heat, the sounds of the school building, and the visual picture you painted of the teacher were all wonderful and leads the reader along on your journey into the past.

Your words also serve as a reminder to be a gentle source of guidance and encouragement in the life of a child. A little bit of interest goes a long way! And thinking about it, i think many will realize their closest friends are people who provide just that! A comforting and consistent presence. *Thumbsup*

My only suggestion would be to draw out the end a bit more. For instance, I felt myself wondering what four you narrowed yourself down to. Was writing or something in the creative field one of them? Showing how this teacher possibly helped lead you to where you are today would give this story a more complete feel. Just a thought. Feel free to use or ignore it as you wish!

Great writing here! Best wishes*Heart*
Adriana
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Review of No further  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello Toothpop!*Bigsmile*

I think you have a great start to a story. You certainly set the scene well, giving the reader a great mental image of the surroundings. With your words, you also manage to set a tone, a somber air as we envision the soldiers marching on in the sweltering heat. I would love to see you expand on this and let us know what happens after the ration wagons move on. Where are they headed? What is the mission and is it sucessful or not? Filling in these details would give the story a more complete arc.

I did notice a few things that you may or may not want to take a look at. Please bear in mind these are merely my suggestions and opinions as a reader and feel free to use or disregard them as only you know what works best for your story! *Smile*

~our cloths
Did you mean clothes?

~much needed releive
relief

~scouching sun
scorching

~yesterdays march
yesterday's An apostrophe is needed here to show the sun belonging to yesterday.

~the colum
column

As I said, I think you have a great start here. Great descrition and tone! I think by fleshing it out a little more and doing a tiny bit of quick editing, this piece would really shine. If you do make any revisions, please feel free to let me know and I would be happy to give this a higher rating!

Best wishes and happy writing!*Heart*
Adriana
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Review of The Ghosthunt  
Review by Adriana Noir
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello neerod!
It always amazes me when someone can tell a story in so few words and manage to have it make sense! Less than 100 words and you have managed to tell a "ghost" story that both chills and amuses. That is an incredible feat.

The only suggestion I have, is in pieces with such tight constrictions, it's vital to make the most of every word. Cuttin out phrases like "in the distance" would allow you to add more action or description to the rest of the story. Just a thought. *Smile*

I really enjoyed reading this. It was fun and delivered a good spectrum! Best wishes & happy writing! *Heart*
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