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2,586 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Sweater  
Review by Purple Princess
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
PLOT -
When Lanie spots the Pooh sweater, she's drawn to it, despite her mother's reservations. Little did they know, this sweater would become a silent witness to their journey, from a first college date to the hospital and through chemo treatments, carrying the weight of their emotions.



CHARACTERS -
I loved the relationship between Lannie and her mother. Your characters were very authentic.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
I didn't notice any errors.
The fantastic dialog helped create good imagery in my mind as Lanie and her mother discussed the sweater.

THOUGHTS -
I had to see which DF story beat my 80s one *Laugh*

This was a great little flash story. It had good emotion, and highlighting the relationship of this mother-daughter pair worked really well. Congratulations on your well-deserved entry.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

2
2
Review of Time Flows  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
PLOT -
Jace, his girlfriend, and another couple decide to check out a mysterious house with a door hanging off its hinges. They are all surprised when they step inside to see the immaculate interior.

SETTING -
Great descriptions as Jace looks around the house and notices the newer curtains, a fireplace, and beautiful flooring. You made it easy to picture his surroundings. And then the scenery started fading away like sand slipping through an hourglass. I could see the mad dash to put things back the way they once were, in a fury of activity as one moment is disturbed by another and must be put back the way it originally was.

THOUGHTS -
This worked well. I liked the introduction of the little men working as quickly as they could to reproduce these moments in time. It brings to mind parallel realms and all the possibilities that go with them. You had a nice twist at the end as the reader goes through this journey with Jace, believing that his friends are frozen at that moment in time, yet he discovers that he is stuck and separated.

I wondered if you were hiking and stumbled upon an abandoned mansion, and the four of you decided to explore it. If so, great job turning this into an exciting tale. And if you did explore an abandoned mansion, I would like to know what secrets you did uncover there.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

3
3
Review of Equine  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
PLOT -
Marion's love of horses takes her past a pasture for years until one day, the horses disappear.

SETTING -
It's difficult to put a lot of description into a one-hundred-word story

CHARACTERS -
All I know of Marion is that she loves horses and considers the ones she sees daily during her walks her friends.



THOUGHTS -
The beginning was a bit confusing for me. It starts with Marion loving horses, moving to a rural area, forgetting that she loves them, and then meeting them.

I know you don't get a lot of wiggle room in these micro stories, but maybe rearranging the first few sentences would give it more clarity and have it read smoother.

The only other thing that seemed out of place to me was the mention of no blood being around where the horses used to be. Were you thinking about the damage to the fence being so severe that something destructive had happened that had Marion worrying that the horses were hurt? Including something to that effect would drive that point home if this is what you were going for.

I honestly felt bad for Marion, having to move, and then losing the horses that had become part of her daily routine.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

4
4
Review of Contest Entries  
for entry "June Plans
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Summary:
You have a lot packed into the month of June, with clear goals established to take you all the way into September. With all of the classes you are taking and plans to visit your aunt, your outlook is positive, as you are happy with your progress thus far. This feels like you are in the home stretch of things, as you plan to take on five of the ten subjects. You are also getting ready for Camp Nano. A fifty thousand-word novel is no small task, but can be done.


Critique:
Wow, Angelica, I had no idea you had taken so much on. You seem to tackle a wide range of subjects with medical billing and coding, though I do not know the other subjects that you are studying. That shows how much drive you have and your capacity to gain as much knowledge as you can. I wish you lots of luck in your endeavors for the rest of this year and into the next. Stay focused. Your drive alone is something I admire and will be the strength that helps you progress on the journey.

Nice job getting the required words in this free verse poem. June is indeed a busy month for you!

This would be my name. }

5
5
Review of Tea Party  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
PLOT -
A child builds a fairy garden and is told by a fairy that it's missing something. The grumpy fairy is after the child's cupcake and convinces him to set it on the table, where the fairy devours it in seconds.

SETTING -
I could picture the house, river, and garden as the child pointed out how they followed the directions to the letter. I thought it funny that the fairy referred to the child as a grumpy human, only to be a totally grumpy fairy.

CHARACTERS -
The trusting child believed in what the fairy had to say as they took jabs at one another. The grumpy fairy couldn't wait to turn the tables on the young one.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No issues. Good job with the dialogue, as it was easy to tell which character was speaking without dialog tags. Clear the voices of your two characters, and tweak some words that were more difficult for the child to pronounce.

THOUGHTS -
I enjoyed your story. Writing dialog only is never easy, but you seemed to have pulled that off easily. I liked the emphasis on key words that showed their importance to the story and how they related to the characters. Nice little twist there at the end, letting the kid know that their reward will cost them the next one hundred years.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

6
6
for entry "Mist
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Summary:
Your opening line pulled me right into this free-form poem about Mist. You have great imagery as you devise differing ways to describe the mist. I keep returning to that first line because I love the idea of mist being a tryst of water vapor. I find that very clever. Dancing over Daisies is another line that speaks volumes, and it really made me smile as I read your poem.


Critique:
You packed a lot into this twelve-line poem. I liked how the water settled onto the grass, sleeping as dew. It reminded me of being outside during the summer as the sun rises and the temperature gets ready to climb from a cool night. You do a really great job with your word choices.

This would be my name.

7
7
for entry "My emotional map
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Style
The author has a nice, easy-to-follow flow in their writing. The short piece also includes good descriptions, such as stormy weather relating to emotional turmoil, and they back up their subject with reasons why they think an emotional road map would be helpful.

Mechanics
You used the chosen words well and put them in bold so the reader could easily find them without thinking about it.

Personal Response
I liked this interesting take on your chosen map. It's honestly a great idea. I would love to know the emotional roadblocks that lie ahead of me. Carefully averting such disasters would be a phenomenal thing. I like the idea of parallel lines that would indicate a better choice in the road up ahead, and to avoid certain areas that look like they would be rather bumpy and take an emotional toll.


8
8
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)

SETTING -
I loved how you detailed what you hoped wouldn't be a rebound relationship. The nervousness, you being clumsy, wondering where it would all lead, and if there was even a chance at a second date. And the fact that you said this in a letter to Jeanette made it such a heartwarming read. I really like your equating apprehension and anxiety to twin emotions. That was very telling.

CHARACTERS -
Jace, you, being up before dawn, your mind consumed with thoughts of Jeanette. That was easy to envision as you carried on, going about your day and anticipating the impending date. I could picture you sitting in your car and watching her from the rearview mirror, taking in that moment as she arrived. Again, when you describe your mouth engaging before your brain, How many times have we all been there?


THOUGHTS -
Great job retelling this remarkable time of your life, starting over and being almost like a teenager filled with fear and anticipation of this first date. You covered a range of emotions throughout and made it a quick read as I rushed to see how it would all play out, even knowing that you two were together. This was a really enjoyable read that gave much insight into you, Jace. Great job and thanks for sharing this one.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

9
9
for entry "Missing 411
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Information:
When it comes to missing people, the strange occurrences that follow their discovery are truly intriguing. Take, for instance, the case of the boy in North Carolina. His story is a remarkable account of the unexpected. It's a reminder that in this world, stranger things can happen. Children, in their innocence and trust, often find themselves in the midst of these mysteries. One can't help but wonder, do animals sense this trust, mingled with fear, and react?

The other stories raise a lot of questions. Finding the shoe, feet below, not a mark or stain on it. I'd think that even if there were storms during that timeline, there would be something left behind.


Overall Impression:
I liked that you included a link to YouTube, where these stories are being told. If someone wants to dig deeper and become more invested, they know exactly where to go. You included a lot of information about the disappearances, the strange-shaped items belonging to them magically reappeared, and the actual searches that began after they were reported missing. It truly is a mystery. Your blog entry had an appropriate title as well, as the reader knew exaclty what your post was all about.



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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10
10
Review by Purple Princess
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Thank you for entering "Write from the Heart Poetry Contest"   by Purple Princess

Following the Prompt: *Checkg*
Line Count: *Checkv*

Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Good job with the rhyme scheme. The sonnet flowed well too.

Emotions/Imagery:
This is where you really shine in your writing. From the very first line, I was hooked.
But my favorite line:
No better words will capture what I feel.--this spoke to me in so many ways.

From beauty's hollow, running amok in fields and falling through pockets free, everything worked in tandem and painted a picture in the mind's eye.

Impressions:

You really captured the subject of love well and how words sometimes cannot measure up to the depth of what one truly feels--try as we might.

This would be my name.

11
11
Review of Remembering You  
Review by Purple Princess
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for entering "Write from the Heart Poetry Contest"   by Purple Princess

Following the Prompt: *Checkg*
Line Count: *Checkv*

Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Your sonnet had a good flow throughout.

Emotions/Imagery:
This poem was packed with emotions following the death of a loved one. It was easy to feel the love you have for your grandson, as well as the profound loss. My favorite line would have to be the last one, as there is such warmth in sensing someone in an ordinary occurrence, such as the moonlight. You spoke of his laughter and smile, which have lived on in your heart and memory.

Impressions:

I'm truly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece. I hope you find comfort in writing for him.

This would be my name.

12
12
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Rhythm/Rhyme:
This is more of a free-form poem. I detected a certain rhythm in the sentences or created one. It moved well.

Summary:
I liked your take on life itself. Understanding that life gets messy is probably smart, in my opinion. So many things can and do wrong throughout one's life. Knowing that and being able to go with the flow or figure a way out of those chaotic moments is the key.


Critique:
Good imagery. I especially liked the idea of finding that single thread to pull on. It's like a puzzle. Once you start and put the missing piece in place, you will find what you're looking for, and things will get straightened out. You had really good word choices in this eight-line poem. Messy and jumbled were great descriptors of life. You also end the poem with some hope, as there is a clearing in the haze of distress. Nicely done!

This would be my name. }

13
13
Review of Trap  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
PLOT -
Jane and Buntie have an argument that causes Jane to run away. She winds up in the Netherworld talking to an Imp.

CHARACTERS -
Jane doesn't realize what she's done that made her girlfriend so angry with her. And the Imp, who is bored, doesn't really care about her but is interested enough to find out what the fight is about.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
What was the argument was about?" I would remove the second 'was'

THOUGHTS -
I believe the words in bold are part of the prompt. With this being micro flash fiction, there is much to get in here to tell a quick story. The last paragraph was a bit confusing as I was trying to make the connection between it and Jane. I am assuming that this pertains to the fight she had with Buntie, but I'm not one-hundred percent sure of that.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

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14
Review of Future Looks Good  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
PLOT -
Ryan does his best to stay strong while his wife battles Alzheimer's. He is now a single father to a teenage son, as his wife lives in a care facility.

SETTING -
I appreciated the fact that you jumped around a little bit. We get to see Ryan now, reminding his son that they are visiting his mom and that he has to stay strong for the rare moments when memory aligns, and those suffering know what is going on and who they are. The pictures on the wall were a great addition to showcasing who Genevieve used to be, including her love of pictures.

CHARACTERS -
Copeland, growing up fast from a teenager to graduate, honored his mother during his graduation speech. At fifteen, he is confused about why this is happening to his mom. Ryan, who is now in a routine, gets up, looks at the pictures on the wall surrounding him, gets Copeland moving, and starts another day.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No issues

THOUGHTS -
This was a tough one for me. My mother has Alzheimer's, and it's a daily struggle to watch her be so confused. I'm in my mid-fifties, and I cannot imagine what it would be like for a teenager to cope with this devastating disease. You captured all of that anguish well, bringing me to tears. I liked the song choice and how Copeland is the future. That was a good tie-in and brought about a little hope. Thank you for sharing this one.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

15
15
Review of Top of the Pile  
Review by Purple Princess
Rated: E | (4.5)
PLOT -
Ava created a vaccine that will help many people but finds it difficult to celebrate her big achievement. In her society, everyone's worth is ranked from the highest to the lowest, and she finds the practice wrong, though others in her inner circle do not necessarily agree with her.

SETTING -
You showed Ava's exhaustion as the vaccine came into existence, her long hours paying off. Her assistant cannot wait for the accolades, yet Ava shows no excitement. Liam, an artist, works hard but hardly makes money by sticking with his passion. The character of Zara felt almost desperate to see some form on


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
The dialog felt natural, especially between Zara and Liam, as they discussed his career and how they live when artists make next to nothing and are ranked very low on the totem pole. Good job showing Ava's disdain for the practice of ranking society by their accomplishments, and how she uses her accolade to shine a light on this harmful practice.

I did not find any issues with spelling or grammar. For consistency, the last paragraph needs a space from the previous one.

THOUGHTS -
I liked that you took this prompt and set it far enough in the future that it isn't a stretch of the imagination. With AI, and everything going hand-in-hand in a similar direction, it was easy to see that things could head there. Ava is a strong female character who is intelligent, driven, compassionate, and has a great sense of understanding and fairness. You drove that point home as the story wrapped up with Ava going to bat for people like Liam, who may not contribute like she does to society.

I really hope that this is not what the future will look like, where everyone is judged by what they contribute, and those contributions are put on a scale if you will.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

16
16
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: The story starts with Jay lost in thought, walking on campus, trying to figure things out when he bumps into another student. At first, Edward is pissed and yells some profanity, but once the two get a good look at one another, things change.

Spelling/Grammar Issues:
shoved y my way,

The only thing I'd point out is to watch the use of repetitive words. I am constantly using my Thesaurus to avoid this pitfall in my writing.

Description/emotion: You describe what Edward looks like physically, enough to get a picture of him in the reader's mind. You have room to add emotional aspects to this short story. For instance, when Jay knows he will be sitting next to the guy he'd just run into, how does he feel about that? Aside from avoiding eye contact, you could elaborate here. Is it because he's shy, or nervous? Is he playing hard to get? Your audience wants to know their main characters; these moments are an opportunity to do just that.

Overall Impression: You have a solid beginning here. Adding more description and the emotional connection between the characters and your audience will pull the reader into the story and have us rooting for Jay as the story evolves.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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17
17
Review of You and I  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review

Subject: This feels like a budding relationship as one stays guarded, and the other tries to convey how they feel, hoping their love interest will let their guard down and let him in.

Flow: The poem moved well from beginning to end as this tale of love unfolded.

Description: The first line pulls the reader in, thoughts of not being able to get lost in another, when they actually already are, to be so connected and giving themselves to the other as a gift, almost like an open book for discovery laid bare.

Overall Impression: There seems to be a struggle here as if the main person is experiencing some sort of restraint in letting their feelings out, almost as if their love interest is not accepting what they have to offer, yet they somehow manage to bring out the best of them. Bringing out the best in someone is never a bad thing in my opinion. When that kind of insight hits, it brings about profound understanding. When those feelings are reciprocated, it brings about experiences no one wants to let go of. The dream of being together forever, of sharing eternity with the one you love is something most of us hope to find. I am still rereading this one, hoping I truly did understand the message not miss the mark entirely.






The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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18
18
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: Hello fellow GoT-er! I meant to read and review some of these right out-of-the-gate Door One stories, but yours is the first! I like how you used the prompt at the very end of the story attached to the note at the bookstore cafe. I found it creative the way you tied up the story of Susie out to do something her mother disapproves of, but taking this opportunity to do something for herself.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: None

Description/emotion: Susie is headstrong, a good character trait. She is nonplussed by the fact that her mother thinks the trip isn't a good idea, and she is used to being told that throughout her life. There was no fear in taking the less traveled route to her hotel. She seemed quite confident as she chose it, and then walked on, taking the turns from her map app. The impulse to go into the bookstore cafe turned out to be good.

Overall Impression: I love this idea of getting coffee, something to eat, a good book, and a note of inspiration. This should be a thing! Like a fortune cookie gives you some glimpse of a well-known saying, the bookstore cafe takes that to new lengths with solid advice everyone would love to have. I enjoyed your take on the song and the prompt.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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19
19
Review of The Portrait  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: A haunting tale about a close-knit father and son who share a love for art and paintings in particular. John is heartbroken to see his son go off to war, but Sam makes a promise to his father. He swears he will paint a self-portrait and bring it back as soon as possible for his father to hang up with the rest of their art collection. John holds onto a letter from Sam, staring at the art collection, hoping that his son will return soon.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: None

Description/emotion: John's heartache was spot-on. And although I knew this story would come to a tragic end, I was shocked by how it all came about. During the visit of Sam bringing the painting at Christmas, John is thrilled to see him and accepting of Sam's friend orphan friend, Ralph when the war is over. That grandfather clock that continually kept time, chiming little reminders that time moves forward.

Overall Impression: I was surprised to learn that Sam was a ghost once Ralph arrived to tell John of the fire. Even more shocked to learn that Sam saved Ralph's life and all of his artwork was destroyed. I enjoy these stories of mystery, and how the universe somehow manages to leave little gifts behind that seem almost impossible.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My signature for GOT 2024
20
20
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: Mary works for a newspaper and really wants to be a reporter, but her boss only puts her in the position of taking dictator for his less-than-exciting stories. She is bored with the mundane of this job. Mr. Livingston is sick on this particular day and cannot come into the office. When the phone rings, the caller mistakes her for her boss and gives her a tip. She runs outside to investigate and gets the story herself.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: None

Description/emotion: I identified with what Mary felt in her job and with a husband who thinks she should consider herself lucky that he allows her to work in this field. The timeline is 1968, but even still. I loved that she jumped right in and went after that story when it fell into her lap. Her surprise at seeing the enormity of the situation, with a dozen cows hanging out on the street was great.

Overall Impression: Great job with this short story. It was good that you showed how grateful Mary was submitting that story, and having her name in print. She realizes that it may be the only article she gets to write, but that is enough for her. The cows grazing down Main Street had a great comedy to it since that's not something that happens every day.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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21
21
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: Flash fiction about two people sitting beside one another at a work conference, listening to the motivational speaker. Sam and Carl strike up a conversation, and he gives her some advice about surviving her new environment.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: None.

Description/emotion: I enjoyed the interaction between Carl and Sam and the added elements of humor you managed to get into this piece. I like female characters who aren't afraid to speak up, and Sam asking for some advice about her new job showed strength. Carl's three pieces of advice were great, especially repeating the words from the opening of the story for added humor, giving Sam some insight into Carl's personality. Comparing inauthenticity to a stinking perfume I have to say had me turning my nose up as I continued reading.

Overall Impression: You got the prompt words into the story smoothly. That's not always an easy task. I liked that Carl mentioned that there were free drinks when it was over and then followed that up a minute later, offering to buy Sam a drink. He definitely showed off his marketing skills with that one. Their interaction was smooth and felt real. Great job with this three-hundred-word story!




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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22
22
Review of Date Night  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: The task for this assignment was to evoke emotions on a date night.There were moments when you excelled at that task, and other portions of the writing where the story was more told than shown, and it didn't hit the mark.

Spelling/Grammar Issues:
next to wall on the -- to the wall at the booth - think this will make it clearer

There were a few more issues, mostly typos with added letters, etc.

Description/emotion: Longing to wrap his arms around her showed what he wanted most on this night. Even this could be taken a bit further by describing how she felt in his arms, the warmth of her body, or that she was soft against, things of that nature. Even hitting in what she smells like. The food, her flowery perfume, or a vanilla soap. All these little details really help connect the reader to the characters.

Overall Impression: I know what your assignment was, and I believe you were trying to portray the newness of the relationship. I think the added information of what they do in school, what they agree upon and how aligned they are took away from the scene itself. When writing these kind of assignments, it's not necessary to give the background information on your characters. Stay in the scene itself. Where they are, the weather, what they're doing, secret smiles to each other, bumping of hands or feet if they are lying on a blanket at the park. Just some things to think about.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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23
23
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: Tom and Helen are heading to Las Vegas by car to elope. Both feel they are ready to take on this new journey and want to get out from under their parents so they can control their own destinies. They are excited as they talk on the drive, but sudden revelations of how they each see their future together start to conflict.

Spelling/Grammar Issues:
than an apartment for
They two

Think about using other dialog tags instead of relying on on said Tom, or Tom said. For instance, instead of I know,” said Tom. try something like. "I know," Tom said, his voice filled with excitement.

Adding more details with the dialog connects the reader to your characters and gives them a sense of who they are.

Description/emotion: I wondered what the weather was like and what kind of car they were driving in. Are the windows down and the wind whipping Helen's hair if it's hot?

Overall Impression: You have the basics down, try expanding upon it. Your characters clearly know what they want, and although Tom is rethinking things, you need to show your audience. Do either of them have inner thoughts? When Helen begins to realize that Tom's ideas and hers aren't the same, perhaps she wonders if she's making a mistake, or she's disappointed that he's decided they aren't buying a house right away. Just some things to consider.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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24
Review of Chasm  
Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: Alexis goes hiking alone in the mountains, and that's when she takes a tumble that sends her into a cavern. Her leg hurts, and she doesn't see a way out. No one knows exactly where she went, and she worries that she won't be found. Life hangs in the balance as she tries to decide what to do. Before long, she begins to hallucinate, seeing almost every person she's ever known making her feel worse.

Spelling/Grammar Issues:
have successful careers,
What's happening to

Description/emotion: My mother is battling Alzheimer's now, so this really hit home. All of the little things we miss when their mind starts go. I'm glad that the person that gave her the push to get out of that hole was her mother. That she got that conversation, even though it was more of a dream, but regardless, she got that. The visual of her mom, the way she used to be was great.

Overall Impression: Just a little motherly love and encouragement was enough to get Alexis to try again, to grit through the pain and make it up and out of that hole until she could be rescued. I liked that her mother used her saying that life is hard to get Alexis to get up and get moving. Overall, it's a solid story that takes you through Alexis' thought process and determination to keep going.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review by Purple Princess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Finding my way back Review


Storyline: After three long years, a man is released from the mental hospital. The year is 2408 and a lot has changed. The nurse is not bothered by the fact that this patient has no where to go, just that he's taking up a room that they will be using for someone else. I am assuming that after losing his wife and job, and his children going off to fight a war, that it was too much for him to take.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: Noen

Description/emotion: Great descriptions of Bobo the clown. His round red nose fell off, his streaked make-up, crooked wig, and the tears. Bobo tells the man how he is no longer needed, and he's devastated about that. The man cannot comprehend all that Bobo is telling him and walks away. Spending time reading books in the library, he becomes informed and looks for Bobo, believing that if people laughed again, they would be happy. Bobo, he feels, is the key to unlocking both of their happiness.

Overall Impression: I did wonder where this story would end. And even though I read the description, I did not see that coming. I love surprise endings. Good job with the unpredictability of the story. Too bad Bobo didn't make it. Though it does leave questions about how the man will be received with his bowling pins.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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