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1
1
Review of The move in  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
You got your couple to the relationship milestone *ThumbsUpL*

Character Development~
Good insights into both characters with this assignment.

Issues~
My body was sweating at the thought of what was going to come tonight. I could feel my heart racing at the thoughts of what we could be doing tonight, and she was in no way making it easy for me. She was trying to get me wanting her more than I ever have, and to be honest, it was working. <--this was good. I knew exactly what Steve was feeling and what he wanted.

I brought her face to mine and let out a kiss that was like no other. We parted lips and our tongues danced the tango between us. When I finished kissing her she pulled away from me just a bit, though I still held onto her neck sensuously.<<----this could use some work. What is a kiss like no other?

Example: Leaning closer to her, mere inches kept my mouth from hers. Closing the distance, my lips brushed against hers. Val's mouth parted, and I slid my tongue against hers, slow, deliberately. When she moaned, excitment slid down by spine. The kiss deepened, our tongues swirling, dancing a sultry tango of desire. My fingers glided up and down her neck, holding her close, the sound of our heavy breathing filling the small space of the car.

There is nothing wrong with slowing these intimate moments down. This pulls the reader into the action, while painting a clear picture in their mind. Use all of the senses to convey the scene you write. It's not just enough to add taste or what your character sees. What sounds are present? If they are touching, what does the skin feel like? Is their heartbeat racing and drumming in their ears? Just these little things will enrich the scene.

Grammar/Spelling~
Don't forget to use commas before names and terms of endearment such as 'hun'.

Thank you for taking HSP's "Building Emotion Sensuality"   by PurplePrincess class.
I hope that my review was helpful.


2
2
Review of Hungry  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
I see where you were trying to go with this. Building sexual tension can be a bit tough.

Character Development~
There is a natural playfulness between your couple that works well. Both are growing in the relationship, and that shows.

Flow of Scene~
The scene moved along well. See below.

Issues~
Val and Steve are at their usual hangout, a bar beneath their apartment. A game of pool turns into a public dare and things begin to heat up.

This is a semi-crowded place, but the other patrons don't come into play until the end of the scene where Steve has already lost most of his clothes. You have a good gasp of your characters. When they are in this setting, what does it look like? Are the lights dim? Is it smokey? Hot? Is music playing? Adding these little tidbits of information paints a clearer picture of the scene. As this is told from Steve's viewpoint, we identify with him. His thoughts focused mostly on Val. We see here, know what she's doing, but his reactions are missing. She's teasing him, taunting him and yet I want to picture him reacting to all of it.

Get into the descriptions, take them further. When she kisses him, even breifly, what does Steve feel? Excited, disappointed that it wasn't longer?

---She had never been this aggressive before. This excited me even more. <----how does this excite him more? What changes happen in his body? Are his thoughts racing as he thinks about what will happen later that night?

Example: Suddenly, I retract my cue stick grab her with my free arm and kiss her hard. She kisses back but then stops the kiss and pulls away.
Suddenly, I retract my cue stick and grab her with my free arm. I press my lips to hers needing just a little taste. Her lips were soft as I coaxed them apart by nibbling her bottom lip, granting my tongue access. where does it go from here? You could describe what she tastes like. The taste of beer, whiskey,etc. If she's going to pull out of the kiss, how long does it last? A few seconds? Is he disappointed, or ready to get out of there and get her upstairs? These are big moments that showcase how your characters feel, show us what they want and need. Take advantage of it by slowing the scene down and putting the reader into the characters head. It's great that we know how into Val Steve is, but we also need to identify with him as well, go on this journey with him.

Grammar/Spelling~
two glasses balances delicately in my hands

Since you're strips,--stripes

Thank you for taking HSP's "Building Emotion Sensuality"   by PurplePrincess class.
I hope that my review was helpful.


3
3
Review of The time has come  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
I had a feeling you were going there with Val. That fear was natural, and it did explain her level of discomfort.

Character Development~
Steve seems like a very patient and understanding man, even when Val storms out of the room at his suggestion, he quietly waits. There must be something in his past experiences to make him so patient. Touch on that in future assignments. I get Val's emotional state. It's not easy admitting horrors of the past, but at some point, you have to take charge and get off the emotional rollercoaster. I think that is where Val is headed, even though she insists things need to be on her terms. Move this forward for your character.

Flow of Scene~
Val's emotional state made the scene feel scattered, which totally worked. Nice range of emotions as she finally confessed her secret. She keeps trying to run away from it, but the past has caught up to her, and the fact that Steve is waiting for her to realize he's not going anywhere was a nice touch.

Issues~
When you're writing heavy scenes like this, remember to pause some of the inner dialog. Take a breath, add a period to really drive specific points home to your reader. Make that impact of a certain thought, good or bad stand alone.

Grammar/Spelling~
Remember to use commas before terms of endearment, and proper names.

Thank you for taking HSP's "Building Emotion Sensuality"   by PurplePrincess class.
I hope that my review was helpful.


4
4
Review of Tonight?  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
You got your couple to the couch. Steve was definitely eager to take this relationship to the next level. She was more reserved. I'm not sure if I missed her name, or if it hadn't been introduced yet.

Character Development~
Your female lead is holding back and it is still unclear as to why. Make sure this is addressed in future assignments to drive the point home and make the connection with your reader. There was a lot of internal dialog in this scene, which sometimes pulled me out of what was happening between the characters. Steve comes across as ready to do whatever she wants. There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to please his woman. In fact, it can endear the main character in the hearts of the reader. Just make sure that he doesn't lose himself bending over backwards for her. How much can he take if his own wants and needs aren't being met?

Flow of Scene~
I love internal dialog. It gives me a deeper sense of characters as we see their thought processes, what makes them tick, etc. With this particular scene, the frequency took away from the intimacy. When you are in these big moments as your characters are connecting, try making that same connection with your audience. Lengthen the moment as they are kissing. What does it feel like when their lips meet? Are there sensations in their bodies - heart beating faster, drumming in the ears, warm fluttery sensations, flushed cheeks, etc?

You mention the caress of his face several times. Take that a step further. Does he lean into her hand because he likes the feel of that contact? Is it comforting or sensual?

Just adding more detail as the scene unfolds will draw the reader into the action.

Issues~
Several times your characters addressed one another as 'hun'. When Steve was speaking, you remembered the comma before it, but left it out when she used it in reference to Steve. Remember to be consistent with the comma before names and terms of endearment in their place.


Thank you for taking HSP's "Building Emotion Sensuality"   by PurplePrincess class.
I hope that my review was helpful.


5
5
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (3.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
You did work on what they were feeling toward one another, but it was difficult to connect with the characters. When you are focused on one character point of view, don't forget to tell us what they observe. Sounds, smells, surroundings and the reactions they notice with the people they are with.

Character Development~
Did I miss your character's names? It would really help if you named them, especially since we will be using this couple throughout the session. I was curious as to their ages as well. The dialogue, both inner and spoken felt like teens having a conversation.

Flow of Scene~
The scene moved along at a steady pace. In the second half, it did feel a bit jumpy because of the inner dialog.

Issues~
I think you need to develop your characters a little bit more for the reader to really get a grasp of who they are. What is it they are looking for? How do they see themselves and their significant other? What do they look like? When she's thinking about the way he's touching her tenderly, what did that make her feel? Did she have any reaction to being told he didn't want her playing around on him? Remember that if you are going to bringing things into the story, you'll need to explain them.


Thank you for taking HSP's "Building Emotion Sensuality"   by PurplePrincess class.
I hope that my review was helpful.


6
6
Review of Our Magic Night  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This review comes to your from HSP's "The Basics of Erotic Writing"   by PurplePrincess

Setting:
Jimmie and Kimmie continue their night up in the bedroom. I liked the descriptions of the flowers, wine and candles. You did a good job describing how Jimmie traced words on her body with wine. I did wonder if it were a red wine that stood out against her white skin. You may want to incorporate that contrast to drive the point home.

Sensual Elements:
I liked where this was going. There are a few ways you can up the heat factor, which I know is difficult with the restraint of the word count. When he's tracing letters on her, what is her reaction? Is the wine chilled? Does it make her shiver? What if he blows on the liquid to garner that kind of reaction from her. Adding just a little more detail would up the steaminess of this piece.

Overall Impression:
It's a solid read. If you are going to enter the contest, I'd suggest embellishing the key moments of their interactions so the reader sees and feels what is happening to Kimmie. Drive the point home-warm bursts on the skin, shiver down the back, liquid rolling across her stomach, etc.

Technical:
“Kimmie, I think I’m madly in love with.--missing you.
Jimmie’s smile could lite up --light

7
7
Review of Gilmore Girls  
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: E | (4.5)
My Thoughts:

Great word search. I wasn't a Gilmore Girl's watcher when it was on television, I admit. I started binge-watching on Netflix and became a huge fan. You did a good job covering most of the characters in this show. Some of the names brought a smile as I thought back on this series. I had to laugh when I saw the word coffee, but it really was a staple of this show. Loralie pretty much walked around the entire series with a cup in her hand. Thanks for the word search, and reminding of a good show that had down to earth characters and great dialog.
8
8
Review of Watch This Space  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Rhythm/Rhyme:
Great rhythm, rhyme and this flowed so naturally as I read along with a smile.

Summary:
A rhyming poem about how Ad's invade every aspect of our lives.

Critique:
I totally agree with the way you depicted Ad's invading our daily lives, and how insane its all become. They are everywhere and it seems there is no escape from them, not even in death. The last stanza was quite the scary thought because it seems to be the direction we are headed. You hit the political ads, our biggest game, the Superbowl, and how ads infiltrate the beauty of the land with their enormous billboards. You had a really great take on the picture prompt. Good luck in the contest.

This would be my name. }

9
9
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for entering "Write from the Heart Poetry Contest"   by PurplePrincess

Following the Prompt: *Checkg*
Line Count: *Checkv*

Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Fantastic rhythm and rhyme and it flowed so well from one line to the next that I wish it had more than two stanza's!!

Emotions/Imagery:
Great job at showing the emotional aspects as loved ones travel for the holiday's and cannot always be home for them. It brings back at the memories of when the kids were little, but they grow up and get married, everything changes as they have a new family with obligations and traditions to add to the mix.

Impressions:

Loved this piece. I do apologize for being so late judging this round.

This would be my name.

10
10
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: E | (4.0)
THOUGHTS -
I had no idea there were one hundred different forms of arthritis. I think we have the tendency to lump these physical pains into one category and we don't bother to explore the explanation fully to get some kind of understanding until we are diagnosed with something specific. You did a good job breaking the information down, giving both facts and information when it comes to treating arthritis. This is one of those diseases that does not discriminate, though I was surprised that children can also suffer from arthritis. I learned things I didn't know from your article. Thank you for sharing it.

There were some instances of missing words in your work. For instance: We can choose to sit back and live with debilitating [missing word] or we can fight it.

I hope that your shoulder continues to improve while on your medication. Keep on writing!

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

11
11
Review of Room at the End  
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Rhythm/Rhyme:
Sestina Format

Summary:
A poem about dimentia and how it effects the mind.

Critique:
Wow, you put so much into this poem. Losing memories take such a huge toll on the person with this disease, but also on family members watching and helpless on the sidelines. You did a really good job showing how memories would be brought to the forefront and then disappear. Little things that could trigger a memory even for the briefest memory. You even showed the struggle to hang onto the memory. You had great word choices that invoked images in my mind - the snow, cold, ticking clock, blue eyes, and laughter, etc. All of these wonderful things that bring meaning to our lives. You even added the element of love, sweeping in at the darkest hour. Bravo! Thank you for sharing this piece about your mom.

This would be my name. }

12
12
Review of Insomnia  
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Rhythm/Rhyme:
Great flow, rhythm and the rhyme scheme felt natural.

Summary:
A poem about insomnia and how those long nights effect someone.


Critique:
You really drove home the sleepless nights of tossing and turning by comparing your pillowcase to razor blades. I've had bouts of insomnia, and know exactly what you mean by comparison. You had great word choices that showed the difficult task of fighting for sleep, and what lack of sleep does to a person's mental state. I liked that you compared it to a curse, for it definitely can feel that way when you are both mentally and physically exhausted and there is no end in sight for those rough nights. Fantastic job.

This would be my name. }

13
13
Review of Missing  
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: E | (4.5)
PLOT -
Renee is living in a new place when her dog, Willy, goes missing. She heads out into the snow searching for him, as her mind wanders from one scary thought to the next.

SETTING -
You did a really great job showing the snow and the quiet after a snowstorm. It was easy to picture Renee walking in the cold and trying to stay on the path as she looked for her pet.

THOUGHTS -
Nice job with portraying Renee as her mind gave her a scare. I liked that the pov shifted to the Willy's at the end, knowing something that Renee doesn't and even looking forward to his new 'friend'. Thank you for putting the required words/phrases in bold so I could see how you wove the prompt into the story. Good luck with your contest entry.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

14
14
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
PLOT -
Tina and Nora are siblings who don't necessarily get along well. Nora, being older, loves to constantly remind Tina of that fact, and rub all things in, especially about her body.

SETTING -
Really good descriptions of the differences between the two girls. I had to laugh when Tina pointed out certain things to Nora that sent her to the bathroom to vomit. Payback can be rewarding sometimes.

CHARACTERS -
The two sisters. Chad/Diego. That was a nice little twist.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
getting dressed and going our-out for a bite and a movie.

THOUGHTS -
I get that Tina couldn't help rubbing in that Nora was in fact pregnant. I did feel bad for Nora when Diego turned out to be Chad and rubbed it in that he only used her to get to Tina. Thanks for sharing this sibling rivalry story.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

15
15
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~Thank you for entering "Write From the Heart Story Contest"   by PurplePrincess . This review is my opinion, take from it what you like, discard what you don't. Good Luck!~~

Plot:
Sam comes home and notices the odd behavior of his wife. It's the little things that she does, and does not do that really pique is curiosity. All he really needs is a kiss from her to make things right.

Characters:
Sam is a truck driver and has just returned. He needs his ritual of kissing his wife like he needs air to breathe. She claims the doctor told her she's contagious and cannot give him what he wants. As they sit down to watch television, he notices a strange creature in the corner of the room. The alien admits that the town Sam lives in is an experiment.

Use of Prompt: *Checkv*
Included Word Count: *Checkg*

Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
No issues.

Overall Impression:
The story was a little jumpy. In the beginning, Sam is in the truck, the road disappears, desert turns to grass and he's suddenly walking in the door. If you are going to include all of this information, you may want to work on showing how he moves from one place to the other so it's a smooth transition. You describe other moments throughout the story in detail, so your main characters movements should be easy for you. I wasn't expecting this to be a an alien story. Is the alien the reason for Mel's strange behavior? I wasn't quite sure about that. I really wanted to see how Mel's turning away from Sam's kiss made him feel. Was he disappointed? Upset? Angry? Some emotion that showed me exactly what he was thinking and feeling as he tried several times to get that kiss.



This would be my name.
16
16
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: E | (5.0)
Rhythm/Rhyme:
This had really solid rhythm, rhyme and flow throughout. Good word choices for your rhymes and the rhyme scheme worked well.

Summary:
This is a cute story about items that one misplaced, and then suddenly they would reappear in a different place. The little boy at first thought he put them somewhere and forgot, only to realize that that wasn't the case.

Critique:
I loved that he hid in the closet to see what was happening to his things. It was easy to picture the boy hiding and peeking out when the bat fell. Good descriptions of the hobgoblin. A really enjoyable read.
This would be my name. }

17
17
Review of When God Made You  
Review by PurplePrincess
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~Thank you for entering "Write From the Heart Story Contest"   by PurplePrincess . This review is my opinion, take from it what you like, discard what you don't. Good Luck!~~

Plot:
A story of a woman who thinks about the blessings in her life, and believes that God has made her significant other just for her. Everything that leans in that direction is explored.

Characters:
The woman thinking about her great love, how they finish each other's sentences, how well they fit together and complement one another.


Use of Prompt: *Checkv*
Included Word Count: *Checkg*

Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
Why should I be surprised that Our God who can do anything? Blessed us both with each other. --I think this would work better if you combined the sentences and moved the question mark to the last word 'other'

comes to understanding how

Overall Impression:
I believe in these twin soul unions, these soul connections that just appear and turn your world upside down and make you rethink your entire life as suddenly things begin to fall into place. There was a bit of an emotional disconnect for me in this story. I understand all that you were saying, but really wanted to feel that emotion, passion, that love that makes your head and heart spin.



This would be my name.
18
18
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for entering "Tales of Seduction"   by PurplePrincess

Plot:
A man searches for love, fears it, sees it as a ghost, taunting him. This was fantastic as you described all three of his relationships, what he found, what he liked most about them, how the loss affected him, and most importantly how much he'd grown in the process.

Sensuality:
Good moments of sensuality scattered throughout. This was mostly an emotional journey and it worked very well.

Impression:
I enjoyed your take on the love, using the song title as your prompt. Each relationship stood out, and by the time Lisa is introduced there is hope for your main character.

Grammar/Spelling/Other issues:
No issues.

Followed Prompt: Yes
Word Count Range: Yes





~~Please remember these are my opinions and are not meant to hurt, only help. Take what you can from my comments that work for you, and discard the rest!! Happy writing!!~~
Daughter of Desire
19
19
Review of Starting Over  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
This was really great. I appreciated your candor as you laid out what your journey has been like trying to get published. It is a tough gig to get, but what a great sense of accomplishment when we write something we are proud of.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
It's clear you followed your passion, and even though you didn't get the results you wanted, you didn't let it stop you from working hard.

PLOT~
The writing takes you from college, writing about your friend's escapades and through graduation as you make the big leap from writing your book to moving to New York. That's a pretty brave move to make. I couldn't imagine what it would be like sitting in that office and watching your writing being slashed from top to bottom.

DESCRIPTION~
You described everything you went through well and how this journey changed you, and your writing. Sometimes we forget that it is not always about having the technical side of writing down. Adding emotions and being descriptive is a huge part of the process. I'm glad that you managed to realize that and didn't give up. That meeting definitely gave you a lot to think about, and I'm sure you are better for the experience. As the saying goes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and you proved that point!


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

Image #1539895 over display limit. -?-
20
20
Review of Starting Over  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I liked the way that story started out and the dynamic between Kelli and her mother.

PLOT~
Kelli Walker is back home, out of a job and unmarried, which is an embarrassment for her mother. Everyone in her old neighborhood knows everything that's going on with eveybody else. On this day, there is a murder and since Kelli is a reporter, she rushes to get answers so she can blog about it.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Kelli is hot on the story even though she is not happy to be back home. She banters with her mother and then rushes to the crime scene before she starts interviewing the neighbors to get the scoop.

DIALOG~
I loved the interaction between mother and daughter. That really showed both characters well. When Kelli was in Max's apartment the dialog doesn't feel as real, and the story starts to fall apart.

TECHNICAL~
He loved - lived 3 blocks

One minute Kelli is standing there with a gun on her, trying to get the killer to talk. You never show her putting the gun away, or dropping it or something. Suddenly she's in handcuffs and as a reader, I didn't understand how you got from point A to point B so quickly.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

Image #1539895 over display limit. -?-
21
21
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby

Rhythm/Rhyme
This is more of a free verse poem about two boys who grew up together and used to be close but drifted a part in high school.

Imagery
Really great job showing how close these two boys were growing up. I loved that they were neighbors and best friends, walking into each other's houses unannounced. There once huge backyard changed as a fence went up. Knocking on doors became necessary. I could see this all play out so easily.

Impressions
I wasn't sure how this was going to end, and it is sad how it all played out, but that is the way life goes sometimes. Life happens, people change and that is showcased in this poem. I liked how you used repeated lines to really drive your point across. I had no doubt who you were referring to. It's sad to me how these once close friendships have a tendency to fall a part as we get older and struggle with the changes in our lives. Your poem reminded me of a few I've lost along the way as well. You really showed that closeness between these friends, and how circumstances drew them a part until it came to the point where they no longer spoke to one another. Great job.


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.
22
22
Review of Bah Humbug  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby

Rhythm/Rhyme
Wow, this was perfect! The great rhyme scheme and fantastic rhythm and flow throughout the entire poem.

Imagery
There is nothing worse than going to the mall as the Christmas decorations come out earlier and earlier. I could just feel that cringe in you as you stepped through the doors and saw the garland. Great job painting that picture.

Impressions
I am totally with you on this subject of Christmas' true meaning being lost and how the stores shove it down our throats way too early. I hate shopping for gifts so soon because I feel like it takes away from Thanksgiving and I love all of the holidays. You really showcased your feelings on the subject matter well. I cannot say enough good things about this piece you created. The last stanza really brought the point across and gave your reader a glimpse as to what you will be doing in the future. I cannot blame you for wanting to skip the mall for the entire holiday season. My favorite lines were about the supply and demand. I wish stores would get with that program, but I doubt that will ever happen.



House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.
23
23
Review of It Will Rain  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
What a great, but sad story. I wondered why he was sitting in his car, and you waited until the last minute to let me know. That worked really well in your Daily Flash.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Not being ready to face this difficult day as he remembers his mother and her teachings.

PLOT~
Billy ponders the lessons of his mother while sitting in his car. It's raining, adding to the dreariness of the day. Her words of preparedness float through his mind, and even though she was the family joke with her warnings, Billy has taken her words to heart and makes sure he's always prepared. He even bought the most dependable vehicle, pays his bills a month in advance. Everything is set up perfectly for him.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Billy sitting in his car remembering, watching the rain. The man who pulls up in a Cadillac, dressed to the nines and carries something with him toward the mausoleum. His mother even made sure that all Billy had to do was show up, for she had taken care of her own funeral arrangements. I could picture all of the items in the glove box in case of emergencies and felt the somberness of the piece as Billy sits, not ready to go inside and face the fact that his mother is now gone. Really great job with this story. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

Image #1539895 over display limit. -?-
24
24
Review of Destiny  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I loved this little lesson about destiny. I kept wondering where destiny would come into play and you did not disappoint.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
That fate collided with dreams and desires and brought her to the best option for her.

PLOT~
A girl has a love of music and dreams of becoming a musician, though that isn't in the cards, not for a lack of determination and trying. Suddenly one dance class changes her life and outlook. Not only does she love it, but she excels at it. Right out of high school she gets accepted into a prestigious dance school and then gets the lead role. What follows is sad, but uplifting as well.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Good descriptions of how her love of music sent her from one musical avenue to the next. It was easy to follow along and I enjoyed the passion of your main character. Even with the little digs at her mother, it wasn't enough to detour her from doing something she loved.

DIALOG~
There is only one line of dialog in this story, but what a powerful one it is. So many times we get wrapped up in our dreams trying to make them happen, but then fate steps in and shows us a new path and we are lucky enough to have the best of both worlds.

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

Image #1539895 over display limit. -?-
25
25
Review of Devoured  
Review by PurplePrincess
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
You do dark stories really well, Charlie. This is was a bit much for me I admit, but it was a quick read with lots of details that churns the stomach. Even though the title gave a hint as to what was coming, I still read on.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Descriptions of what Kate went through, being devoured that. Pretty nasty.

PLOT~
Alex is driving Kate and she freaks out, swearing that a man was hurt on the side of the road. She swears she's taking her medications, is not hallucinating and jumps out of the car. Alex follows and they argue. He cannot convince her to get back in the car and agrees to look around. When they find nothing, he is ready to leave. Kate instead takes off toward the guard rail and that's when she sees the distorted face of an armless man who begins to eat her.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Poor Kate. I honestly felt bad for her. To see the things she does, which no one believes. Alex has a lot of patience because he does care for his sister, though he seems annoyed by her illness.

When the man started eating Kate, I was grossed out, making faces, and my kid came in and asked me what was wrong, lol. How's that for having an effect on your readers?

DIALOG~
I could see the argument on the side of the road playing out. Kate was so sure, determined to get Alex to see what she did and even though he didn't believe her, he still tried to help. Only it was all in her mind. How very sad.


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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