PLOT -
Samantha was starting high school and was quickly singled out by the Rosedale Roses, a group of nasty girls working hard to be the in crowd. Unfortunately for Samantha, a girl named Jill, who Samantha believes will be her friend, turns out to be a wanna-be to get into the clique if she lures Samantha to the spooking house on the island.
SETTING -
I liked the backstory of the Clayton House on the island. The descriptions were good here and with the cafeteria setting where the Roses question Samantha. That felt natural as the leader, Karen, reminded Samantha that she'd learned about her fears and tried to use them against her.
CHARACTERS -
Samantha's past fears of swimming turn out to be a blessing as she falls into the lake and finds strength to overcome that fear. Karen was just as annoying as I thought when she approached Samantha in the cafeteria. I had a feeling that Jill would also turn out to be an enemy.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
joining other clubs at this school.
That IO would
There are a few instances of Karen said, said Karen that I think you could punch up with other dialog tags that would make the story have better flow.
THOUGHTS -
When Samantha is pushed into the water, you may be able to add to that scene to show her fear before she goes in and her struggle once she's in the water. I wondered how murky the water was, if it was warm or cold, and whether her limbs felt heavy from her clothing or her shoes. These are just little things to heighten the intensity of the incident.
PLOT -
Kelly is out on her boat recording sounds when she hears of a missing child in the area and she debates whether or not she should help. I have a million questions about Kelly, and I keep trying to read the blog entry to this tale, but get interrupted, so that is something I will have to delve into.
SETTING -
You always do such a fantastic job setting the scene. Every sense is captured as you describe the wildlife and what they are doing, and bringing Kelly's surroundings to life as if I were right there with her, taking it all in from her perch on the boat.
CHARACTERS -
This is the interesting part. When the searchers showed up and asked questions about how she could possibly know about the cabin and the well, she dodged all of these questions. Even after they discovered the child in the exact location she predicted, she sidestepped their questions. That leaves the reader with a lot of questions, and the story hangs on intrigue as we want these questions answered.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
The dialogue was good and felt real. I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors.
THOUGHTS -
I love a good plot that leaves me with questions, and knowing there is more to this story I'll be sure to check that out. With all of your descriptive skills this was a quick read because each sentence pulled me right to the next one and I couldn't stop reading. Great job.
PLOT -
Catalina has the twins at the family cabin, and at night, the true adventure begins.
SETTING -
I could picture all of this easily as the tale unfolded, from the children bringing their new treasures to the arrival of the pixie. I could imagine the disaster in the kitchen of the ketchup, and mayo smeared all around the floor. You did well with the descriptions of Mateo and Maya, from their excitement and fear to the evident twin connection.
CHARACTERS -
Catalina seems like a wonderful grandmother, loving the time spent with the grandkids.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
The dialogue added to the adventure and mystery of the story. It felt very natural throughout.
THOUGHTS -
This is a very cute story filled with family history. The reader sees the cabin as a familiar place for Catalina. When the Pixie enters the story, the backstory and Pixie's playfulness add a new layer. You integrated the prompt words well into your story. I was pulled in from the beginning, wondering what the children would do while Calatina busied herself cleaning the cabin. I expected trouble to follow, but you chose not to go that route and gave me an interesting alternative with the excitement of the Northern Lights, the children, and knowing that Catalina had a history at the cabin with the Pixie.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Hi Carly. Your poem flowed well from beginning to end as if it were an unfolding story about Leonard Cohen's life.
Emotions/Imagery:
You excel with imagery. This poem showcased his life and how the written word defined him. Thinking about the notebooks from freezer to pocket to drawer says a lot and hits you right from the top, as the images of his life were like continuing on.
Impressions:
I enjoyed the contrasts of frozen and fire, creation and destruction you used to bring home these highs and lows from his life, and yet the music and words thrived. Very informative and nicely written.
Emotions/Imagery:
You showed your strong connection to this band with the poem about Dan Reynolds from Imagine Dragons. You gave good insight into his upbringing and life and the outlet of music he used to convey his struggles.
Impressions:
I find nothing better than connecting to lyrics that speak to you, and you did here. Dan is truly a gem in a world gone crazy. This piece taught me a lot about the band and its lead singer. Nicely done!
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Your Eulogy for John Lennon moved well and had good flow except for when you used bull-headed. I would've gone for the foul language.
Emotions/Imagery:
I liked that you brought up the speculation involving him walking away from The Beetles. You covered a good span from his beginning to untimely end. I remember when the new broke, and the world was indeed bereft.
Impressions:
I liked your eulogy. It is a nice tribute to one who was taken too soon.
Summary: A contest entry where you had to create a poem using the four chosen words. You even managed to use them in the order they were presented in the prompt. The first two lines come from a well-known proverb: just tweaking bird for chicken, which totally worked.
Critique: I wondered how you would get the word airport in there when I started reading, and you didn't disappoint. I laughed when I read the last line and it fit the piece. You definitely cannot compare a diamond's value to that of a chicken. You did a solid job on working the words in a clever way. It was an enjoyable read and totally unexpected.
PLOT -
When Lanie spots the Pooh sweater, she's drawn to it, despite her mother's reservations. Little did they know, this sweater would become a silent witness to their journey, from a first college date to the hospital and through chemo treatments, carrying the weight of their emotions.
CHARACTERS -
I loved the relationship between Lannie and her mother. Your characters were very authentic.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
I didn't notice any errors.
The fantastic dialog helped create good imagery in my mind as Lanie and her mother discussed the sweater.
THOUGHTS -
I had to see which DF story beat my 80s one
This was a great little flash story. It had good emotion, and highlighting the relationship of this mother-daughter pair worked really well. Congratulations on your well-deserved entry.
PLOT -
Jace, his girlfriend, and another couple decide to check out a mysterious house with a door hanging off its hinges. They are all surprised when they step inside to see the immaculate interior.
SETTING -
Great descriptions as Jace looks around the house and notices the newer curtains, a fireplace, and beautiful flooring. You made it easy to picture his surroundings. And then the scenery started fading away like sand slipping through an hourglass. I could see the mad dash to put things back the way they once were, in a fury of activity as one moment is disturbed by another and must be put back the way it originally was.
THOUGHTS -
This worked well. I liked the introduction of the little men working as quickly as they could to reproduce these moments in time. It brings to mind parallel realms and all the possibilities that go with them. You had a nice twist at the end as the reader goes through this journey with Jace, believing that his friends are frozen at that moment in time, yet he discovers that he is stuck and separated.
I wondered if you were hiking and stumbled upon an abandoned mansion, and the four of you decided to explore it. If so, great job turning this into an exciting tale. And if you did explore an abandoned mansion, I would like to know what secrets you did uncover there.
PLOT -
Marion's love of horses takes her past a pasture for years until one day, the horses disappear.
SETTING -
It's difficult to put a lot of description into a one-hundred-word story
CHARACTERS -
All I know of Marion is that she loves horses and considers the ones she sees daily during her walks her friends.
THOUGHTS -
The beginning was a bit confusing for me. It starts with Marion loving horses, moving to a rural area, forgetting that she loves them, and then meeting them.
I know you don't get a lot of wiggle room in these micro stories, but maybe rearranging the first few sentences would give it more clarity and have it read smoother.
The only other thing that seemed out of place to me was the mention of no blood being around where the horses used to be. Were you thinking about the damage to the fence being so severe that something destructive had happened that had Marion worrying that the horses were hurt? Including something to that effect would drive that point home if this is what you were going for.
I honestly felt bad for Marion, having to move, and then losing the horses that had become part of her daily routine.
Summary: You have a lot packed into the month of June, with clear goals established to take you all the way into September. With all of the classes you are taking and plans to visit your aunt, your outlook is positive, as you are happy with your progress thus far. This feels like you are in the home stretch of things, as you plan to take on five of the ten subjects. You are also getting ready for Camp Nano. A fifty thousand-word novel is no small task, but can be done.
Critique: Wow, Angelica, I had no idea you had taken so much on. You seem to tackle a wide range of subjects with medical billing and coding, though I do not know the other subjects that you are studying. That shows how much drive you have and your capacity to gain as much knowledge as you can. I wish you lots of luck in your endeavors for the rest of this year and into the next. Stay focused. Your drive alone is something I admire and will be the strength that helps you progress on the journey.
Nice job getting the required words in this free verse poem. June is indeed a busy month for you!
PLOT -
A child builds a fairy garden and is told by a fairy that it's missing something. The grumpy fairy is after the child's cupcake and convinces him to set it on the table, where the fairy devours it in seconds.
SETTING -
I could picture the house, river, and garden as the child pointed out how they followed the directions to the letter. I thought it funny that the fairy referred to the child as a grumpy human, only to be a totally grumpy fairy.
CHARACTERS -
The trusting child believed in what the fairy had to say as they took jabs at one another. The grumpy fairy couldn't wait to turn the tables on the young one.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No issues. Good job with the dialogue, as it was easy to tell which character was speaking without dialog tags. Clear the voices of your two characters, and tweak some words that were more difficult for the child to pronounce.
THOUGHTS -
I enjoyed your story. Writing dialog only is never easy, but you seemed to have pulled that off easily. I liked the emphasis on key words that showed their importance to the story and how they related to the characters. Nice little twist there at the end, letting the kid know that their reward will cost them the next one hundred years.
Summary: Your opening line pulled me right into this free-form poem about Mist. You have great imagery as you devise differing ways to describe the mist. I keep returning to that first line because I love the idea of mist being a tryst of water vapor. I find that very clever. Dancing over Daisies is another line that speaks volumes, and it really made me smile as I read your poem.
Critique: You packed a lot into this twelve-line poem. I liked how the water settled onto the grass, sleeping as dew. It reminded me of being outside during the summer as the sun rises and the temperature gets ready to climb from a cool night. You do a really great job with your word choices.
Style The author has a nice, easy-to-follow flow in their writing. The short piece also includes good descriptions, such as stormy weather relating to emotional turmoil, and they back up their subject with reasons why they think an emotional road map would be helpful.
Mechanics You used the chosen words well and put them in bold so the reader could easily find them without thinking about it.
Personal Response I liked this interesting take on your chosen map. It's honestly a great idea. I would love to know the emotional roadblocks that lie ahead of me. Carefully averting such disasters would be a phenomenal thing. I like the idea of parallel lines that would indicate a better choice in the road up ahead, and to avoid certain areas that look like they would be rather bumpy and take an emotional toll.
SETTING -
I loved how you detailed what you hoped wouldn't be a rebound relationship. The nervousness, you being clumsy, wondering where it would all lead, and if there was even a chance at a second date. And the fact that you said this in a letter to Jeanette made it such a heartwarming read. I really like your equating apprehension and anxiety to twin emotions. That was very telling.
CHARACTERS -
Jace, you, being up before dawn, your mind consumed with thoughts of Jeanette. That was easy to envision as you carried on, going about your day and anticipating the impending date. I could picture you sitting in your car and watching her from the rearview mirror, taking in that moment as she arrived. Again, when you describe your mouth engaging before your brain, How many times have we all been there?
THOUGHTS -
Great job retelling this remarkable time of your life, starting over and being almost like a teenager filled with fear and anticipation of this first date. You covered a range of emotions throughout and made it a quick read as I rushed to see how it would all play out, even knowing that you two were together. This was a really enjoyable read that gave much insight into you, Jace. Great job and thanks for sharing this one.
Information:
When it comes to missing people, the strange occurrences that follow their discovery are truly intriguing. Take, for instance, the case of the boy in North Carolina. His story is a remarkable account of the unexpected. It's a reminder that in this world, stranger things can happen. Children, in their innocence and trust, often find themselves in the midst of these mysteries. One can't help but wonder, do animals sense this trust, mingled with fear, and react?
The other stories raise a lot of questions. Finding the shoe, feet below, not a mark or stain on it. I'd think that even if there were storms during that timeline, there would be something left behind.
Overall Impression:
I liked that you included a link to YouTube, where these stories are being told. If someone wants to dig deeper and become more invested, they know exactly where to go. You included a lot of information about the disappearances, the strange-shaped items belonging to them magically reappeared, and the actual searches that began after they were reported missing. It truly is a mystery. Your blog entry had an appropriate title as well, as the reader knew exaclty what your post was all about.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Good job with the rhyme scheme. The sonnet flowed well too.
Emotions/Imagery:
This is where you really shine in your writing. From the very first line, I was hooked.
But my favorite line:
No better words will capture what I feel.--this spoke to me in so many ways.
From beauty's hollow, running amok in fields and falling through pockets free, everything worked in tandem and painted a picture in the mind's eye.
Impressions:
You really captured the subject of love well and how words sometimes cannot measure up to the depth of what one truly feels--try as we might.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Your sonnet had a good flow throughout.
Emotions/Imagery:
This poem was packed with emotions following the death of a loved one. It was easy to feel the love you have for your grandson, as well as the profound loss. My favorite line would have to be the last one, as there is such warmth in sensing someone in an ordinary occurrence, such as the moonlight. You spoke of his laughter and smile, which have lived on in your heart and memory.
Impressions:
I'm truly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece. I hope you find comfort in writing for him.
Rhythm/Rhyme: This is more of a free-form poem. I detected a certain rhythm in the sentences or created one. It moved well.
Summary: I liked your take on life itself. Understanding that life gets messy is probably smart, in my opinion. So many things can and do wrong throughout one's life. Knowing that and being able to go with the flow or figure a way out of those chaotic moments is the key.
Critique: Good imagery. I especially liked the idea of finding that single thread to pull on. It's like a puzzle. Once you start and put the missing piece in place, you will find what you're looking for, and things will get straightened out. You had really good word choices in this eight-line poem. Messy and jumbled were great descriptors of life. You also end the poem with some hope, as there is a clearing in the haze of distress. Nicely done!
PLOT -
Jane and Buntie have an argument that causes Jane to run away. She winds up in the Netherworld talking to an Imp.
CHARACTERS -
Jane doesn't realize what she's done that made her girlfriend so angry with her. And the Imp, who is bored, doesn't really care about her but is interested enough to find out what the fight is about.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
What was the argument was about?" I would remove the second 'was'
THOUGHTS -
I believe the words in bold are part of the prompt. With this being micro flash fiction, there is much to get in here to tell a quick story. The last paragraph was a bit confusing as I was trying to make the connection between it and Jane. I am assuming that this pertains to the fight she had with Buntie, but I'm not one-hundred percent sure of that.
PLOT - Ryan does his best to stay strong while his wife battles Alzheimer's. He is now a single father to a teenage son, as his wife lives in a care facility.
SETTING -
I appreciated the fact that you jumped around a little bit. We get to see Ryan now, reminding his son that they are visiting his mom and that he has to stay strong for the rare moments when memory aligns, and those suffering know what is going on and who they are. The pictures on the wall were a great addition to showcasing who Genevieve used to be, including her love of pictures.
CHARACTERS -
Copeland, growing up fast from a teenager to graduate, honored his mother during his graduation speech. At fifteen, he is confused about why this is happening to his mom. Ryan, who is now in a routine, gets up, looks at the pictures on the wall surrounding him, gets Copeland moving, and starts another day.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No issues
THOUGHTS -
This was a tough one for me. My mother has Alzheimer's, and it's a daily struggle to watch her be so confused. I'm in my mid-fifties, and I cannot imagine what it would be like for a teenager to cope with this devastating disease. You captured all of that anguish well, bringing me to tears. I liked the song choice and how Copeland is the future. That was a good tie-in and brought about a little hope. Thank you for sharing this one.
PLOT -
Ava created a vaccine that will help many people but finds it difficult to celebrate her big achievement. In her society, everyone's worth is ranked from the highest to the lowest, and she finds the practice wrong, though others in her inner circle do not necessarily agree with her.
SETTING -
You showed Ava's exhaustion as the vaccine came into existence, her long hours paying off. Her assistant cannot wait for the accolades, yet Ava shows no excitement. Liam, an artist, works hard but hardly makes money by sticking with his passion. The character of Zara felt almost desperate to see some form on
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
The dialog felt natural, especially between Zara and Liam, as they discussed his career and how they live when artists make next to nothing and are ranked very low on the totem pole. Good job showing Ava's disdain for the practice of ranking society by their accomplishments, and how she uses her accolade to shine a light on this harmful practice.
I did not find any issues with spelling or grammar. For consistency, the last paragraph needs a space from the previous one.
THOUGHTS -
I liked that you took this prompt and set it far enough in the future that it isn't a stretch of the imagination. With AI, and everything going hand-in-hand in a similar direction, it was easy to see that things could head there. Ava is a strong female character who is intelligent, driven, compassionate, and has a great sense of understanding and fairness. You drove that point home as the story wrapped up with Ava going to bat for people like Liam, who may not contribute like she does to society.
I really hope that this is not what the future will look like, where everyone is judged by what they contribute, and those contributions are put on a scale if you will.
Subject: This feels like a budding relationship as one stays guarded, and the other tries to convey how they feel, hoping their love interest will let their guard down and let him in.
Flow: The poem moved well from beginning to end as this tale of love unfolded.
Description: The first line pulls the reader in, thoughts of not being able to get lost in another, when they actually already are, to be so connected and giving themselves to the other as a gift, almost like an open book for discovery laid bare.
Overall Impression: There seems to be a struggle here as if the main person is experiencing some sort of restraint in letting their feelings out, almost as if their love interest is not accepting what they have to offer, yet they somehow manage to bring out the best of them. Bringing out the best in someone is never a bad thing in my opinion. When that kind of insight hits, it brings about profound understanding. When those feelings are reciprocated, it brings about experiences no one wants to let go of. The dream of being together forever, of sharing eternity with the one you love is something most of us hope to find. I am still rereading this one, hoping I truly did understand the message not miss the mark entirely.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Hello fellow GoT-er! I meant to read and review some of these right out-of-the-gate Door One stories, but yours is the first! I like how you used the prompt at the very end of the story attached to the note at the bookstore cafe. I found it creative the way you tied up the story of Susie out to do something her mother disapproves of, but taking this opportunity to do something for herself.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None
Description/emotion: Susie is headstrong, a good character trait. She is nonplussed by the fact that her mother thinks the trip isn't a good idea, and she is used to being told that throughout her life. There was no fear in taking the less traveled route to her hotel. She seemed quite confident as she chose it, and then walked on, taking the turns from her map app. The impulse to go into the bookstore cafe turned out to be good.
Overall Impression: I love this idea of getting coffee, something to eat, a good book, and a note of inspiration. This should be a thing! Like a fortune cookie gives you some glimpse of a well-known saying, the bookstore cafe takes that to new lengths with solid advice everyone would love to have. I enjoyed your take on the song and the prompt.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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