Hi Brian K Compton RIP Beans ,
I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is your second Chocolate Emporium review.
Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.
First Impressions: I had to review this poem as part of your chocolate package. I couldn't leave your port without reviewing it. I absolutely love it! I think you entered it into "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" , right? One of my contests, anyway. It feels so nostalgic, so wistful, so filled with love. It is just beautiful to read. Words like "gentle" and "atop" and "darling" work together to create warmth and a feeling of terrific love. It brings a lump to my throat each time I read it. One thing I can't quite figure out is whether this is written about your own children, or yourself and a sister or brother (who perhaps isn't here anymore?). Either way, the emotions blow me away.
Voice/Tone: As mentioned above, there is a definite tone of nostalgia. In reading this, I could see the doorpost with the height markings on it, and I could see a little person standing on tiptoes, trying to make themselves taller, desperate to be older and more grown up. I adore your little touches like adding this line, "your backpack idle by the door." It seems so simple, but it adds that little authenticity to the memory. These incidentals tend to stick in our minds, too, as we grow older.
Mechanics: Free verse. What else? I love the lack of punctuation and lack of ca[pitalisation. This makes the poem look fantastic on the page, and it really adds to the impact of your words. I love to play with presentation, and punctuation is a great way to make the poem look appealing. Another thing I love about your poetry is the easy, natural rhythm you always achieve. There are no flaws or "bumpy bits" which, as a reader, can make a huge difference to the overall impact of a poem. You have it exactly right, though.
My Favourite Part: I want to say all of it. But these are the parts that really reached inside and twisted my heart: Where you describe the "gentle notations" as "darling with age" made me smile so big. "Darling" is the perfect word. Perfect. The last verse left me pondering on its meaning. "the potential of you / was in memory / not in the future / anymore." This is why I wonder if the person you are writing about is not here anymore. Or, maybe, you simply mean they have grown up and are no longer the innocent child of the poem. Or, maybe, they have lost their way, and that is why their potential has decreased over time. I'm not sure. But I do know it's a wonderful observation. It's probably true for a lot of us if we're honest.
This poem is so well-written, Brian. I love every single part of it, and I am in awe of your poetic artistry. You pack so much emotion into each of your poems, and this one, well, it just does it for me. Does that make sense? Great work!
Keep writing!
Choconut
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