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1,955 Public Reviews Given
1,974 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.
Favorite Genres
Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.
Least Favorite Genres
Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.
Favorite Item Types
Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.
Least Favorite Item Types
Chapters from the middle of books.
Public Reviews
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201
201
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dave ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is the first of an (old) Coconut Snowball package from my Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. This poem is so sad. A sense of despair and abandonment runs through every line. I remember reading this poem before, and it had a photo attached to it. I can't remember exactly what the photo was, though. I think it was a ghost town, maybe? I remember that you were the only person to take the prompt in this direction, and I really liked that.

Voice/Tone: You write with such eloquence about a scene which, I think, you have witnessed first hand. The demise of small towns is something you sound angry about. The corruption by the people in charge is what you blame for this mess. I love how you describe the "The bustling crowds and neon lights" which once inhabited the streets and brought the town to life. Now, silence is the only sound. It's a sad scene, and it could easily be written about a warzone rather than a ghost town in America.

Mechanics: I have to admit I'm not sure whether this poem is a specific form, but there are four quatrains followed by a rhyming couplet at the end. All of the lines have eight syllables and the verses have an ABAB rhyme scheme. The rhythm is wonderful, partly because of the rhyme, and partly because you have all the stresses spot on. It reads so fluidly. When I read it out loud, there was one place where it didn't flow quite as well, for me, and that was: "Dire sights, despair, and putrid smells". However, this is purely a pronunciation difference. I was reading dire with two syllables as that is how I naturally say the word. But, my hubby who is American said it should be one syllable.

My Favourite Part: I love the picture that this poem creates. This description, in particular, is powerful: "as broken promise bids adieu / amid the rubble lying there." This rubble is both metaphorical and literal, I think. It makes me think of the rubble of the dreams that came crashing down. Again, both metaphorical and literal. That's clever. I also really like this line: "Oh! Where did all the people go?" The punctuation in this line is brilliant. It's a great expression of despair.

This is a wonderful poem. I wish I could remember which contest it was entered into and what the prompt was. That's not really important, though. What matters is the scene you paint with your words, and that is fabulous. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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202
Review of Frosty's Revenge?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Angus

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is part of our Winter Fun Raid *Snow4*

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Brilliant! This is darkly funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Poor Frosty. Scary Frosty. And, oh my gosh, that evil bunny. What revenge did he have in mind?

Plot: Frosty the Snowman is murdered by the evil magician Professor Hinkle. He is melted in a greenhouse. Which, honestly, Frosty should have known better than to enter. I love how Frosty returns the following year in ghost form and enacts his revenge on the professor. As for Hocus Pocus, the hyperactive rabbit friend of Professor Hinkle, he saw the whole murder going down, and he is thirsty for revenge. That's so funny.

Characters: I'm not sure what Hocus Pocus had to do with Professor Hinkle if I'm honest. It seems like an odd friendship. I like it, though. Maybe he's like a witch's cat: the magician's assistant. I also wondered who Karen is. She is mentioned at the beginning as being Frosty's friend but then isn't mentioned again. Is she in the Frosty song? Is that why you used that name? I'm just curious because it seems a little random.

What I liked: The dark humour. It's right up my street. I love the crazed version of the once-happy Frosty who comes to kill the man who killed him. I love this line, spoken when Professor Hinkle says to Frosty that he thought he killed him: "'Yes you did, Professor,' said Frosty. 'But you did not kill the spirit of Christmas!'” That made me chuckle.

I really enjoyed reading this story, Angus. You never disappoint, and your humour always makes me laugh. I love how you take a mild character like Frosty the Snowman and turn him into an evil fiend intent on revenge. Only you, Angus. Only you *Laugh*


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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203
203
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Detective ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I'm not sure what the prompt was for this poem, but I assume was to write about what scares you about the dark? I have to admit, I can relate to this poem. I have never liked the dark, and the thought of ghosts and ghouls scares me a lot.

Voice/Tone: The tone is dark and slightly sinister. I note your line (the prompt line?) which repeats is, "If I was afraid of the dark." After reading this poem, it makes me think you are a little afraid of the dark, and by saying, "If I was ..." you can pretend you aren't. Again, very relatable.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, with the refrain that I mention above. Free verse works well. I like the three-line verses. I think they make the message come across as powerful. They are punchy, and I like that. The rhythm is good. There is a nice pace.

My Favourite Part: The verse which begins, "My imagination would run wild" is my favourite. The "creeps and spooks everywhere" is a freaky thought, but it is exactly how it works when you are in the dark and you have a fear of it.

Suggestions: I'm not sure about the second verse. "Nothing would look like what it is / It would all look like what it isn’t." This isn't very descriptive. It doesn't show the reader anything in particular. Also, the first line is quite awkward in its wording. I would work on this verse if you ever want to revise this poem.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is one I can relate to a lot, and I think you have captured the fears associated with the dark brilliantly.


Keep writing!

Choconut

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204
204
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a beautiful tribute to a faith which appears to bring you a lot of joy and comfort. It sounds joyful, and the feeling with which I come away from this poem is one of bringing people together and sharing and helping one another. It is a very warm feeling.

Voice/Tone: Your voice is light and bright, like a beacon shining for your faith. It's a delight to read. It is also really interesting. This faith is one my husband is also interested in. He has bought some prayer books, and he was just speaking about it at the weekend. So, this poem is of extra interest to me because of that.

Mechanics: You have written three quatrains, all with an abab rhyme scheme. I really like this rhyme because it gives the poem a wonderful rhythm. It reads smoothly and has a great pace. I particularly love your rhyme of "humanity" with "unity." That works really well.

My Favourite Part: I love the overall positivity and joy this poem contains. Also, the education. I had no idea this faith has a fasting period. That is interesting. I like the way you celebrate "the love of Baha'u'allah" before the fast when you are asked to contemplate what you have and the sacrifices that have been made.

Suggestions: This is just a tiny point, and it doesn't affect the poem at all. It would be nice to know the correct pronunciation of some of the terms. For example, "Ayyam-i-Ha." Also, does the meaning of this word translate into English, or is it not translatable?

I really like this poem. It is light and joyous. A real pleasure to read.


Keep writing!

Choconut

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205
205
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I want to sit around your table at Thanksgiving! The scene you create makes my mouth water. The delicious goodies are bountiful and well-described. This is absolutely brilliant!

Voice/Tone: The tone is reflective and warm. I think you are looking back on Thanksgivings in the past and remembering the happy times you shared with family. You end by thanking God for his bounties, and this is a fantastic way to end a poem about Thanksgiving.

Mechanics: This is an acrostic, and I admire you so much for this. I find acrostics so hard to write. They are like my nemesis when it comes to writing poems. But, this poem of yours is a perfect example. You spell out your message with the letters as required, and you share your memories via the many foods you describe.

My Favourite Part: This line makes my mouth water that little bit more than all the others: "Potatoes peeled, halved, boiled, mashed, and buttered." I also really like your ending, where you share the truly important part of Thanksgiving: the message of thankfulness. This line is wonderful: "Individual blessings were retold and rephrased--" This is a great way of showing the coming together of family and traditions. It feels so warm and blessed.

Suggestions: Just one tiny point. "Yams , turkey" - You need to move the comma back a space.

This poem is so enjoyable to read. I love everything about it, from the delicious food you describe to the feelings of belonging and family. I also really like the way you have written an acrostic and used it to highlight your message. It all comes together perfectly. It is a really great poem!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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206
206
Review of River and Swamp  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story is really interesting. I note in your brief description you say this is how it is. As I read through, I found myself thinking, "Eww, I could never eat that." Alligator and frogs, crawfish and liver. It's so different from the fried chicken and chips I intend to eat for dinner today! But, honestly, I found this totally fascinating.

Plot: This is the story of a Thanksgiving that is a little different from most. I haven't looked at the brief, but I would guess that is the requirement for this contest. I love your descriptions of the swamp water and all the various foods and tastes. I could picture this scene from Louisiana, which is so different from any I've personally experienced. It's really well described.

Grammar: I have a few grammatical points which I will put in a dropnote.
Grammar/Punctuation/Readability ▼

What I liked: I love the variety of foods and tastes to which you introduce me. As mentioned above, the experience is totally different from anything I've ever known, so it is fab to read about this alternative Thanksgiving. I love your descriptions. I love the overall feeling you create. I feel the togetherness of this family/community. That shines through. Specifically, I love this sentence: "There was no way we could spend thirty bucks for one and still keep the lights on." What a great way of saying how little money you had.

Suggestions: The first sentence took me a few reads to understand. I'm guessing it is a southern saying, but it just sounds a little awkward, to me.

I really enjoyed reading this. You have done a great job of introducing me to a different way of life. I'm not entirely sold on eating alligator and frogs, but, hey, you never know!


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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Review of My Pacific  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mastiff

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I really enjoy writing haikus. I find them challenging, but when done well, they are a delight to read. And, I have to say. This haiku is very well done. It has everything needed to make it first class.

Mechanics: You have the 5-7-5 syllabic count spot on. Also, your theme is nature, which is common among the more traditional haikus. You also have the "aha moment' with the last line by showing us how the anger and ragings of the sea are actually rather beautiful. The only thing I might add is a semicolon at the end of the second line. This is often done with traditional haikus, and it does fit with your haiku. It links the last line to the first two a little better.

My Favourite Part: I love the image this conjures up in my mind. I can see and hear the roar of the ocean as it crashes against the rocks. I agree; it is beautiful. I love the ocean. In so much force, I always find peace.

This is a great haiku. I really like the image it creates. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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208
208
Review of Honing the Craft  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tinker ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is fabulous! That's the word that comes to mind when I read it. As I first read through, I laughed a lot. I can relate to it big time. Oh, it's so relatable. Funny and a keen observation of many people's lives (not always women, but I think too much of the time, it is).

Voice/Tone:This is funny, the tone is humorous. At the same time, it sounds as though it's written by someone who has just about had enough of always being the one clean up the dishes. I did lose a tiny bit of sympathy when I read you have a dishwasher. In our house, I am the dishwasher! But, there's only two of us now, so it's really not so bad.

Mechanics: You have adhered to the Aquarian form perfectly. You make it look so simple, but that's because you're really clever and write so beautifully. I wrote my Aquarian this morning, and I only managed one verse that doesn't flow nearly as well as yours.

My Favourite Part: "Again." This refrain is perfect. I can feel your frustration. This verse is my favourite: "boring / mundane duty / abhorrent assignment / again." I love the alliteration here. It adds to the feeling of abhorrence.

This is a great poem. I honestly laughed a lot when I read it. You do a great job of describing one of those mundane household chores that make you want to run a mile. Excellent work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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209
209
Review of Drifting Echoes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love the direction you took this prompt. It's clever and moving and a little different. My first impression is: I really like it.

Voice/Tone: The tone is thoughtful and reflective. Everyone will know what you're describing. We have all experienced this, either on TV or in similar situations from our own lives.

Rhythm: There is a great rhythm and pace in this poem. It feels as though it lingers over the important phrases you want us to remember. I love how the word "drifting" is set on its own line. It's poignant.

My Favourite Part: These lines are so emotive: "The sound of taps echo / the tears." I love the repetition of the phrase "the sound of taps."

Suggestions: Just one typo. It comes directly after the lines I mentioned above: "if those who survived." I think it should be, "of those who survived."

This is a fantastic poem. It creates a sad picture in your reader's mind, a relatable picture. It's incredibly moving. I really like it.


Keep writing!

Choconut

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210
210
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Okay, first up my disclaimer: I've never seen "Trailer Park Shark". It does, however, sound ... dreadful *Laugh*. This poem made me laugh. I have all kinds of images in my mind of what could have happened in that film. Maybe I'll look it up after I write this.

Voice/Tone: I like the fun and happy tone of this poem. The sarcasm and humour are fab.

Mechanics: This is an Octet. I don't about you, but I really enjoyed writing this form. As I read through yours and counted the syllables on each line, I kept getting eight syllables in the second line when it should be seven. It could be how we are pronouncing "genius"? I count it as three, but maybe you count it as two? I'm not sure.

My Favourite Part: It has to be the sarcasm in the line, "the cinematic genius." I laughed at that part. I can also relate to having a husband who has terrible taste in films. So I found that funny.

I really enjoyed this little poem. It brought a smile to my face. I think that was your intention when writing this, so great job with that. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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211
211
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "October 29. 2019" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ridinghood,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is an interesting direction to go with the word "gossamer" as your prompt. I would never have thought of this. I'm so glad you didn't go the obvious spiderwebs route.

Mechanics: Great job of sticking to 24 syllables! It's hard to write something so minute, but you have painted a wonderful picture in just a few words. This is free verse, which works really nicely.

My Favourite Part: I love your first line: "Phosphorescent plankton." That creates a striking image. It's fresh and different and it really got my imagination working. It took me a while to understand how the gossamer threads could lap at your feet. I was seeing threads of material, but I realise these threads are part of the plankton floating on the water. I really like that.

This is a clever, little poem. I love your imagination. It creates images that are unique, and it really got me thinking. Excellent!


Keep writing!

Choconut

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212
212
for entry "Allergic" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tinker

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: The first thought that ran through my mind when I read this was, "Eewwww!" It made me smile, also. I wasn't expecting it from the prompt word "eschew." However, I absolutely love where you took it.

Voice/Tone: The tone is funny, but at the same time, it's very matter-of-fact. I love the way you set the tone by referring to the felines as, "Demon cats." We know the guy isn't going to be a fan of them, and we soon learn why!

Mechanics: For just twenty-four syllables, you say a lot. You set up the scene, give us a little information, and deliver the punchline. And it has a brilliant impact.

My Favourite Part: The whole of the last line is fantastic. It's disgusting but great. It makes me smile every time I re-read it. I also think the ending of, "Ah, Chew!" is really clever. I admire the way you set up this scene so completely in so few words.

I love this little poem. You have made me chuckle on a grey and miserable UK day, and I thank you for that. It's great writing, Tink.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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213
213
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Ahh, this is a lovely poem. The scene it creates is warm and filled with love. It feels like you are writing about you at your most relaxed. It's weird, but I chose to write about my dog for the form this week. Triolets must lend themselves well to fur baby love *Laugh*.

Voice/Tone: The tone of the poem is honeyed and rich. The sleepy way you describe yourself, with a ton of blankets, makes the poem so happy, and I could relate to the warmth and cuddles our pets give us without wanting anything in return.

Mechanics: You have followed the rules of a Triolet perfectly, using the traditional eight-syllable model. I don't know how you found this form? Personally, I really enjoyed it. It's possibly my favourite so far.

Rhythm: The rhythm is mostly spot-on. The only place I question is with the second refrain. The words, "warm in my lap" feel like the stresses are off. I know there is no set pattern for a Triolet, but for the rest of the poem, you have stress/unstress/stress/unstress repeat. I keep reading the line I question, and I can read it to make it have that pattern, but it's not natural.

My Favourite Part: I love the description of your happy place as your "la-la land". That's fab. I also really love the line: "My eyes blink slow, time for a nap." I think we can all relate to that feeling of having no control over your eyes closing. You're so cozy and sleepy, and it feels lovely.

I really like this poem. You've done a great job with the form, and it portrays a loving, happy scene in just a few words. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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214
214
Review of Trip to the Beach  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. This review is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Oh, wow. This brought tears to my eyes. It's so moving and so well-written. I could picture the whole scene, and my heart really went out to James. So sad.

Plot: This is a story of love. A love that has lasted over fifty years, and now James is unable to continue without his wife. I love the touching scene of him stroking her hair and holding her by the campfire at this place which is clearly really important to the couple. When I got to the end, I wasn't expecting it. It shocked me and made me so, so sad. You really have done an excellent job with writing this. Your unique take on the campfire prompt is fab, too.

Characters: You write these characters so sympathetically. As I first read it, I wondered whether James was going to murder Jane, or whether he already had. But, when I realised he had taken her to the beach to die in his arms, it brought a lump to my throat.

What I liked: I loved the whole story. But, I think, it's the tenderness with which you write this couple's last moments that really gets to me. It's so good!

I have no suggestions for you. This story is perfect as it is. Considering how few words you have used, you have done an amazing job of endearing your characters to us and conveying this sad story. I love it. Absolutely love it.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "September 23, 2019" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. I love this. For a short poem with so few words, you create fantastic imagery. It's really impressive. This is so intriguing. Firstly, I had to google the tarot card to which you refer. It's a really cool picture and, while I do not know the card's meaning, I imagine you have described it pretty well in this poem. I wondered what the contest prompt was. I assume it was the word dilatory, as this is bolded, but your description of the card at the end made me question this. It would be good to know which contest it was entered into.

Voice/Tone: The voice is wise and all-knowing. It sounds like the voice of reason. It gives the poem a soothing feeling.

Mechanics: This is free verse. I love how you have split the lines. Each one is a thought on its own, yet they all come together to make the overall poem. The way you carry the image of water flowing right through to the end is really nice. It feels like a poem that was well-thought-out.

My Favourite Part: The last line! "As always, your choice." This is so positive. It reminds the reader that everything in life comes down to choices. We can love, or we can isolate. It's our choice.

Suggestions I guess the only thing I might change is the title. Personally, I would probably have called it "Choices" or, even, "Choice." But that's just my personal opinion.

I really like this poem. You have a skill for creating imagery that strikes a chord with your readers. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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216
216
Review of Hypertension  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Purple is House Florent ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is one of your Chocolate Emporium reviews.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. This is a wonderful description of what it's like to live with this horrible, serious illness. As I read through, it forced me to think about the constant threat of the illness; I thought about how you never know when it will act up. I imagine you have to avoid certain foods to help to control it. My Dad had high blood pressure, but only as he got older.

Voice/Tone: The tone is personal and informal. It reads as your testament to this illness and how it affects your life, so it is very personal. It really brought it home to me how much hypertension affects a person's life. The pill bottle, as you state, is your constant reminder. It sucks that it is hereditary. Your concern over whether or not you pass it on to your children is clear.

Mechanics: This is a poem of fourteen lines with an aabb rhyme scheme. I really like the rhyme. It gives the poem a great pace, and it reads smoothly. You haven't missed a single beat. I think it interesting how the poem is fourteen lines long because that's the length of a sonnet. This poem, although not in a sonnet's form, could be seen as one. Only, instead of love, you're professing hatred for your illness.

My Favourite Part: These lines have great end-of-line rhymes: "The body's daily struggle ~ / blood pressure's low bubble." I love your creative use of rhyme here. I could picture the low bubble of this chronic illness which never leaves. It's always there, and this is a great description of what it's like. I also love how you refer to it as a "silent killer". That's exactly what it is.

Suggestions: If I'm honest, I'm not sure about the last line. Firstly, I wonder who you are having the chat with? It reads as though you're speaking to your hypertension, but that doesn't really fit with the rest of the poem. The rest reads as though you're speaking to a friend. I'm just not sure. The last line kind of feels as though you were trying to find something that rhymed, and that fit the bill, so you used it. I apologise if I'm wrong about this. Feel free to ignore me.

This is a passionate, well-thought-out poem that is informative and interesting. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This review is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: As I first read this, I found myself nodding and thinking how much I can relate to it. I like the way you incorporated some humour into it, despite the fact that it's really not funny. I love how honest you are, saying you have taken part in social media and caffeine, so you know that's why you can't sleep. Again, I know how that feels! The end is brilliant! Just as you finally get to sleep, the alarm clock rings. That made me chuckle.

Voice/Tone: This poem sounds as though you may be speaking from personal experience. The tone is snarky and irritable, in the way that only the sleep-deprived can be. But, also, there is humour in it. The pace of the words is quite fast, building a great rhythm. I like that. The lines are even and read smoothly.

Mechanics: Now, I know you mentioned this the other day. The refrains of the Bop should come after the verses, not in the verses. Honestly, I read the instructions the same way you did, and I only realised this when I read someone else's Bop. But, yes. It should be a line on its own. That said, I love the refrain you have used, and if this weren't a Bop, I would have given it a 5 star because it's really good like this. Aside from the refrain, you have adhered really well to the form, and I love the fast pace it has.

My Favourite Part: "With plenty of lullabies and sheep to count. / I would give anything for snores--any amount." Spot on! This is a great description. I also love these lines: "When it finally happened, and the snoozes rolled in / the alarm clock sounded, it was time for the day to begin." Oh, my word. Such a fabulous observation. This ode to insomnia brings back so many memories. As I read it, I was transported back in time to tossing and turning and getting increasingly frustrated.

This is an entertaining poem. I enjoyed reading it. But, more than that, you have used some great descriptions and it's easy to get lost in your words. It's a really, really good poem. I've only deducted half a star for the refrain because I think it's an excellent poem, anyway. Nice work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of My Little Friend  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a cute little poem. I don't think I've ever read your poetry before, so I was interested to have a read. The thing that struck me most was your humour. I have to say, I love the picture you chose for this poem, too. It's perfect. As I first read through, I had a smile on my face the whole time. You really made me laugh. The little dragon is such a cute and likable character.

Voice/Tone: The voice is light and humorous. It's almost like you're doing a stint at stand up comedy. Part of me felt that the pet wasn't real (yes, I know, it's a dragon; it's not real). What I mean is, I wonder if the narrator is imagining the little dragon friend. Although, the singed beard probably means the dragon was real.

Mechanics: I can see you have adhered to the form. The rhyme is aabb throughout, and each line of each quatrain has eight syllables. However, the rhythm in some of the lines isn't as smooth as it could be. The stresses of the syllables aren't even, and it makes the verse read a little bumpily. For example: "It is true you are very small, / Only standing two inches tall." In the second line here, you have three unstressed syllables next to one another —"standing two—" This throws off the balance, and it's a little hard to get into a reading rhythm. If you changed it to something like, "You only stand two inches tall" it would smooth it out.

My Favourite Part: My favourite part of the poem is the humour. I love these lines: "For if you sneeze by accident, /It starts a fire you never meant!" That's so funny, and I could picture it so well. I also love this line: "Touch the belly? I get your claws!" Again, this conjures up a wonderful picture n my mind. It's so, so funny.

Suggestions: In the last verse, you begin two of the four lines with the word but. It jumps out, and it would be good to try to find a different word for one of these lines. When there are so few lines and words, it's good to try to use more variety.

I really like this poem. It's well-thought-out and tells a story which is both funny and cute. What more could we possibly want!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Wow. I love this poem. We actually chose similar themes for our Bop Poems this week, except I wrote about the effect of BREXIT on the UK. But the sentiment was the same. Honestly, though, your poem is much better than mine. It's a great example of a Bop, and you speak a truth that I wish the whole world could understand.

Voice/Tone: The voice is commanding, and it is clear you have thought a lot about the issues discussed. You speak with authority, and you are very persuasive. You hooked me from the start, and I remained captivated throughout.

Mechanics: A Bop. I had never heard of this poetic form until this week. I don't know how you found it, but I really struggled. You have done a great job with this one. You introduce the topic in the first stanza, expand on it clearly in the second, and then give your solution in the final stanza. And, your refrain ... perfect. It relates well to each verse in turn.

My Favourite Part: The overall message is what really strikes me. There are certain lines that stand out, though. "xenophobia and unbridled nationalism / copulate in the cathedrals of power." That is such great imagery. I also have to mention your first line because it states the entire problem in just seven words: "We stand, one nation divided against itself." That "nation divided against itself" is exactly how the climate is today. And it is time to accept the "oneness of humanity". I wish we all could.

Suggestions: I just have one suggestion ... "indwelling evils that need exorcised." - I would say it should be either, "need to be exorcised" or "that need exorcising".

Fantastic poem! I really relate to this and understand your message. I just wish certain people in positions of power could try to understand, too. Great writing!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of From Beyond  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Purple is House Florent ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is a Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story is beautiful. As I first read stories to review, I usually make a lot of notes about suggestions for change. With this story, though, I got so caught up in it that I didn't make any notes. I was swept away with the romance and the grief, but mostly, the hope. It's a lovely read.

Plot: This is the story of a widow who comes to believe her dead husband is still with her. She visits a medium who tells her things she could never have known. Importantly, she tells Judy that when she feels her cheek tingling in the night, it is her husband kissing or stroking her cheek. This story is a wonderful depiction of what it's like to grieve for your soulmate and to hold onto the hope that he is still with you. I don't know whether I believe he was, I think we can create all kinds of beliefs when grieving. At the same time, who knows? It would be lovely if love can continue into the afterlife. The main thing is this story makes me believe a little more than I did before. I want it to be true.

Characters: Judy is a very likable character. We see her wrestling with seeing the psychic medium because she thinks the woman might be a fraud. But, the woman is so believable that Judy is sure her husband really is standing behind her. This belief, whether true or not, helps Judy to continue with life, and that is the most important thing. I could relate to her longing to still have a physical connection with someone who has passed away. I understand her struggle to get out of bed, and I relate to her willingness to believe anything that might give her a part of her husband to hold onto. It moved me a lot.

What I liked: I love the part where Judy says to ask her husband if he is okay, and his reply is, "I am if you are." This is their own private reply, so she knows the psychic is genuine. Judy's response is emotional, and this is the part where I first felt a lump in my throat. I also love the ending were Judy touches hands with her husband, and she knows for sure he is still with her. This is so moving. Who doesn't have at least one person they would like to have this experience with?

Suggestions: There are two places where I'm not sure about your word choice. Firstly, "The second I rang the bell my heart began incessantly thundering in my ears." - Actually, I would take this adverb out completely. Thundering works well on its own. Secondly, "Just saying it aloud enveloped my heart like a vice." Enveloped is quite a soft and warm word. I would use something like squeezed or crushed.

This is an endearing story with a great character leading the way. It's a story, I think, to which most people will relate their own experiences. I really enjoyed.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi GeminiGem of House Lannister ,

I am reviewing you in affiliation with "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your third Chocolate Emporium review.

For this review, I wanted to read something a little different, so I had a poke around in your folder that is about you and your family. I'm really glad I decided to do that because this item is fascinating!

*Starv* I'm always intrigued by family histories, and I've done quite a lot of research into my own. Every family has at least one interesting character who stands out. Reading this, I can see two of your characters already. Did you always know your grandparents' history, or was it something you uncovered through your research?

*Starv* Else sounds like such a strong person. I can't even begin to imagine the fear she must have felt when she stepped aboard the Hanover. It must have been a long, difficult journey. I imagine she would have known what to expect, from what Alfred told her, so she must have been terrified. Then, there was the trauma of whether or not she would even get through immigration. Having an American hubby, I know a little about the trials of immigration in this century. It's a horrible experience. So I can only imagine how much harder it must have been in the 1930s. Especially, when you were going to a country that didn't speak your native language. The physical exam sounds horrific. The hook used on the eyelid! Just ... no! Interestingly, when I was thinking about moving to the U.S. with David, the process was a lot like the process you describe here; the same kinds of points were needed to gain entry. Obviously, the extent was slightly different. I'm not sure it's so different today, though!

*Starv* I love the photo of your grandmother aboard the Hanover. The mystery of the guitar is intriguing. I imagine you're a little sad that you can't ask her about it. Happy, though, to see this insight into her character. I note you say you got your dark hair from her. There's something kind of comforting about seeing, literally, where you came from. That link to our heritage is important, isn't it?

*StarV* I love the fact you included photos and the naturalisation cards for both your grandparents. It reminds your reader that this is a true story and these people are real. Plus, it's always nice to see photographs, isn't it? I love the photo of the two of them. Else looks like she has a sparkle in her eye. Did you meet them? If so, did they speak much about their coming into the country?

I apologise for all the questions, but this story has really fascinated me. Else, in particular, sounds like such a character. I'm so happy I came across this item. It's a fabulous read.

Choconut

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth ,

I am "~ A Few Birthday Parties ~"  in affiliation with "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these opinions are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

*Starv* This is a wonderful look at some cherished memories of birthday celebrations with your family. Your mother was very lucky to have two surprise parties, even though she was a reluctant recipient of the first one. I think it's brilliant that you were only twelve when you threw the first surprise party. You must have been a very thoughtful young girl.

*Starv* I'm so happy the second surprise party was better received. It sounds like a fabulous celebration, and I'm sure your Mum was over the moon to be able to celebrate with her family. The gifts bought from the dollar store and tied in colourful ribbons sound fantastic. What a great idea. I'm going to bear that in mind for Christmas stockings this year!

*Starv* The last celebration you mention sounds like a precious memory, too. Again, I'm touched by how much thought you put into this. It sounds like such a happy memory.

*Starv* I'm the worst secret keeper in the world! My aunt threw a big, family surprise party for my Mum's 65th birthday, and I let it slip within an hour or my aunt telling me. Useless! I did manage to throw a couple of parties for friends, but I had to confine my conversations with them in the preceding days to yes and no answers *Laugh*.

*Starv* The last thing I want to say is I think it's wonderful that you will throw yourself a party. I think you deserve that. The question is ...will you act surprised when you see it?

I thoroughly enjoyed this reading of your memories. I truly hope you arrange that party and that you have an absolute ball!

Choconut

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Review of My Wish  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Purple is House Florent ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This is your second Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I'm not sure I've read your poetry before. At least, not a lot of it. So I wanted to review this piece because it really spoke to me. Your title, firstly, is what drew me to this. I was intrigued to know what the wish would be. As I first read through, and I realised these are the words of someone who has passed away speaking to someone they left behind, it brought a lump to my throat.

Voice/Tone: It took me a few lines to realise the narrator was dead. There is so much love in this poem, and I think that's what moved me the most. I could imagine my Mum thinking these thoughts about me. It's very comforting. The thought of once more feeling her caress upon my cheek has made me quite emotional.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, although you have used some end of line rhymes and some internal rhymes to give a great pace and a smooth rhythm.

My Favourite Part: The ending is wonderful! "For every caress upon your cheek / is just a reminder from me." This is a beautiful thought to end on. Love it! I also love the description of the narrator as being, "nestled deep within your soul." That is the part where I first felt the tug on my heart.

Suggestions: My main suggestion is to watch for repetition of words. There's nothing wrong with using the same word for effect or as part of a refrain, but there are places in this poem in which you've used the same, or similar, words rather than trying to find different ones. For example, lines two and four both end with the word you. Also, look at, "because I go wherever you go. / You may think I have gone" Could you say something like, "because I'll be there, wherever you go. / Though you cannot see my form ..." Something along those lines would give a little variety.

I'm really glad I came across this poem because it's absolutely beautiful. I love the comfort it offers to people who have lost loved ones. I think, with a few tweaks and uses of different words here and there, it could be awesome.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Review of Passing Trains  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Purple is House Florent ,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is the first of your Chocolate Emporium reviews.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I chose to review this piece of flash for your first review because the title jumped out at me. The brief description is also very enticing, and I was intrigued to read who your character would meet on the train. I didn't guess. As I first read through, I grew more and more intrigued. You build the suspense really well. I thought the boy would turn out to be the ghost of her father. But, you had something much more original in mind.

Plot: This story of a woman on a train who meets (I think) the young boy she had adopted twelve years ago is creative. I am assuming there was a 300 word limit here. With that in mind, it is really impressive how much you say in so few words. You include a lot of story (and backstory) for your main character: Elizabeth. I did find myself with some questions at the end. How did the mother know who Elizabeth was? Most adoptions are closed. Did she recognise her because Jason looks like her?

Characters: I love this opening description of Elizabeth: "She sat down wearily, her small bag heavier somehow than it was a week ago." This shows the reader right from the start the state of mind she is in. Because of her state of mind and tiredness, I wondered whether she was really seeing the young boy. I love the part where you write: "Hearing her son call another woman, ‘Mom’ took her breath away and gave her an ache deep in her chest." It shows us that Elizabeth did care for her son even though she gave him away. It's a nice insight into her character.

What I liked: I really enjoyed the details you put into this story to make it real and to draw us in. For example, the action of Elizabeth reaching into her bag for a magazine is such a tiny detail. But it makes all the difference and sets the scene. I also love the last line: "The woman looked over at her as she sat down, her face instantly paled. Recognition was there." It's a great way to end this. I'm sure everyone who reads it will be wondering what happened to make Elizabeth give up her child.

Suggestions: I did get a little confused when I read, "'Jason, are you hungry?'" I didn't get that Jason was real, and I thought Elizabeth was imagining it all. Because of that, I thought Elizabeth was the mom to whom he spoke. I had to re-read this part a few times to understand what was happening.

This is a great story. You build the intrigue and leave your readers feeling they want to know more about Elizabeth and her past. You have handled the word limit really nicely, and this really packs a punch. Great work!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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Review of Time To Celebrate  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi 💙 Carly ,

I've just finished reading your short story, "Time To Celebrate" , and I'd like to offer the following comments. This review is affiliated with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  and is also a part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: As I first read this, I found it to be a heartwarming, feel-good story. I smiled the whole way through. From your characters, to the sense of magic, to the fabulous ending, it's all very moving and incredibly enjoyable.

Plot: A girl who lives in a land where enjoyment and laughter are forbidden finds her way to a new, magical place where she can smile and relax. I have to say I love the name of the place she lives: Nofunlandia. It doesn't sound like a very welcoming place. When Bryanna hears the sound which sounds like laughter, she follows it until she reaches a magic mountain that gives way to a big party in honour of her nineteenth birthday.

What I really liked: Bryanna's realisation that her father tricked her into believing her mother was dead, when really she had been exiled because she was too exuberant for Nofunlandia. I could really feel Bryanna's emotions when she found her mother whom she believed she would never see again. That's a lovely touch. The thing I love most about this, though, is the sense of magic. You start with the sound that is like laughter that entrances Bryanna. It's kind of like a good siren calling her. Then, the mountain that gave way when she held her hand to it, revealing a cavern with lights everywhere. And, my favourite: the fairies. I love your descriptions of them. This one is fab: "All hovered and flitted on wings so delicate they seemed barely there." Similarly, I love your description of the balloons dancing on air.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I have a few suggestions which I will put in this dropnote ...

Grammar Suggestions ▼

Final thoughts: This is such an enjoyable, magical story. I'm sure it could be enjoyed by adults and children alike. I love the reunion with Bryanna and her mother. That part has really struck me. Thanks for sharing this wonderful story.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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