DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
Your poem is personal, but rises above the individual, and becomes more widely relevant. The title seems appropriate for the poem. Keeping the title in the present tense also adds to the poem.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I really like this form, and wonder why I haven't used it more. I found no areas weak in visual images. I found no problem with scansion of rhythm and flow. The form worked well for you. I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right. See suggestions.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The strong finish is what set's your poem apart. It's written in a way that keeps it on your mind.
SUGGESTIONS:
I saved this for suggestions because that is what it is. Withoit the colon, "That" (last line) is not needed. My suggestion is to use a dash after "for" and eliminating "That" completely.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work. I'm looking for a good year here in 2016.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
Disclaimer:
Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.These are my thoughts on senryu, sometimes compared with haiku.
A Title:
Most haiku are untitled; a successful haiku usually speaks for itself. Senryu is titled.
Too Much Punctuation:
Avoid periods. Both haiku and senryu are one moment in a continuum; a period often destroys that illusion (so may beginning with a capital letter). Other punctuation: the average haiku and senryu has one break in thought or continuity, usually at the end of line 1 or 2 (sometimes, the middle of line 2). If punctuated at all, it is usually with a colon, dash or ellipsis. An occasional dash or ellipsis may provide emphasis either before of after the final word (or phrase). In general, shy away from punctuation unless you are sure of its benefit.
The Telegram Effect:
Compress, but be sure the omission of words (especially the articles a, an & the) doesn't chop it into ungainly pieces.
Lifeless Verbs:
The is & have families result in pictureless & actionless verses. Use action verbs instead.
Past or Future Tense:
Haiku and senryu usually happen now. Past & future tenses remove us from the action & often use more words ' weak ones like has, have, will.
Adjectives and Adverbs:
Use sparingly. Look for ones made from noun or verb roots. Avoid very, much, any, many, few, & all-inclusive words like every, all, always, never, everyone.
'I':
Overuse of 1st person pronouns ' It's more risky in haiku than in senryu because senryu deals with humans. Put emphasis on the person with senryu, and on the image with haiku.
Padding:
Don't throw in words just to conform to a 5-7-5 or other imagined pattern. Either revise to find 17 strong, useful syllables or go for a shorter verse.
Redundancy:
One season word is enough: 'Spring blossoms' is redundant: both identify season. Let strong words do their job: 'pavement wet with rain' is redundant.
Abstractions:
Not Supported by Concrete Imagery? Let imagery suggest the point; don't state it baldly.
Overall Impression:
Senryu is capturing one moment in continuum. End stops change it. I suggest using a dash and no punctuation. There can be only one break - usually after the first or second line, sometimes in the middle of the second line.
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate, but repeated in the opening line omits taking advantage of adding something to your poem. The opening line establishes a good tone that is kept throughout.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I found no problem with the scansion of rhythm or flow. I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right. The second enjambment in the 5th stanza needs a comma or dash, for consistency.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing takes the poem full circle. It seems right for ending the poem. It's not overwritten or artificial. I liked repeating the last stanza with this poem. I suggest you omit "Just." It is not needed, and would be consistent with the opening stanza.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I love the perspective. It could be Peter or any one of us. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. If it were not for the repetition, it would steal the thunder, but works well with it.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The strong language and imagery paints a good word picture. The rhyme scheme and repetition gives it a good flow and rhythm.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I find no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate. I find no errors that hurt your poem.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines seem like a good way to end the poem. It's not overwritten or artificial. It also leaves you something to think about. This poem is very well written.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. I think your previous ratings are low.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I liked the perspective of putting the emphasis on all of those in the boat, and not only Peter. The title is appropriate and adds to the poem. The opening line draws the reader in.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. The simile worked well. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The rhyme scheme worked well.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
Last line "He" to His. No punctuation worked well with this poem. The line breaks seem right. The diction is consistent. The syntax appropriate.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. I had a couple thoughts as I was reading your poem. Your poem is well written, so it's only food for thought - in suggestions.
SUGGESTIONS:
I thought using more active verbs would make it sound less passive. Filling, tossing, moaning, etc. Also, the reader needs something to discover for him/herself.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
When writing about subjects that have been written about over and over, the author needs to use a new perspective. This was my first thought, because your poem shows a different perspective. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
Couplets worked well with this poem. The specific image details put you at the scene. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The rhyme scheme worked well.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent. The line breaks seem right. I'm not one for partial punctuation, but it hasn't hurt your poem - for this contest.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. It's not artificial or over written. I like the strong finish. Observations: The metaphor, and leaving something for the reader to discover for him/herself, is very well done.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I loved the perspective from a train ride. The title is appropriate. "ON" in the title, and "IN" in the first line allows the title to add to the poem. It helps keep the opening line from sounding redundant.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The rhyme scheme worked well. The totality of tone is consistent.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate. I found no odd word choices. The line breaks seem right. It's refreshing to see punctuation, and not all enjambments. [I will only consider this taste, but I only center free verse now. My suggestion for the placement on the page is to indent the second lines (2,4,6,8,10,12,14) and drop the caps].
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. It is not overwritten or artificial. I thought your poem could be tightened a little. One Example: Third line - "She clasps her cross on a gold chain." She is not needed. I suggest an action verb instead:
"clasping her cross on a gold chain."
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no more suggestions, except to keep writing.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
Disclaimer:
Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.These are my thoughts on senryu, sometimes compared with haiku. I will hold "most" of my impressions and suggestions with your senryu until "Overall Impression" at the end.
A Title:
Most haiku are untitled; a successful haiku usually speaks for itself. Senryu is titled.
Too Much Punctuation:
Avoid periods. Both haiku and senryu are one moment in a continuum; a period often destroys that illusion (so may beginning with a capital letter). Other punctuation: the average haiku and senryu has one break in thought or continuity, usually at the end of line 1 or 2 (sometimes, the middle of line 2). If punctuated at all, it is usually with a colon, dash or ellipsis. An occasional dash or ellipsis may provide emphasis either before of after the final word (or phrase). In general, shy away from punctuation unless you are sure of its benefit.
The Telegram Effect:
Compress, but be sure the omission of words (especially the articles a, an & the) doesn’t chop it into ungainly pieces.
Lifeless Verbs:
The is & have families result in pictureless & actionless verses. Use action verbs instead.
Past or Future Tense:
Haiku and senryu usually happen now. Past & future tenses remove us from the action & often use more words — weak ones like has, have, will.
Adjectives and Adverbs:
Use sparingly. Look for ones made from noun or verb roots. Avoid very, much, any, many, few, & all-inclusive words like every, all, always, never, everyone.
“I”:
Overuse of 1st person pronouns — It’s more risky in haiku than in senryu because senryu deals with humans. Put emphasis on the person with senryu, and on the image with haiku.
Padding:
Don’t throw in words just to conform to a 5-7-5 or other imagined pattern. Either revise to find 17 strong, useful syllables or go for a shorter verse.
Redundancy:
One season word is enough: “Spring blossoms” is redundant: both identify season. Let strong words do their job: “pavement wet with rain” is redundant.
Abstractions:
Not Supported by Concrete Imagery? Let imagery suggest the point; don’t state it baldly.
Overall Impression:
The Farmer
The syllable count is 5-3-8, and less than 17.
Dinnertime
Eliminate the caps that do not refer to God. I suggest an ellipsis following the second line, and a dash before "it's burning."
Disclaimer:
Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.These are some of my thoughts on senryu, sometimes compared with haiku. I will hold "most" of my impressions and suggestions with your senryu until "Overall Impression" at the end.
A Title:
Most haiku are untitled; a successful haiku usually speaks for itself. Senryu are titled.
Too Much Punctuation:
Avoid periods. Both haiku and senryu are one moment in a continuum; a period often destroys that illusion (so may beginning with a capital letter). Other punctuation: the average haiku and senryu has one break in thought or continuity, usually at the end of line 1 or 2 (sometimes, the middle of line 2). If punctuated at all, it is usually with a colon, dash or ellipsis. An occasional dash or ellipsis may provide emphasis either before of after the final word (or phrase). In general, shy away from punctuation unless you are sure of its benefit.
The Telegram Effect:
Compress, but be sure the omission of words (especially the articles a, an & the) doesn’t chop it into ungainly pieces.
Lifeless Verbs:
The is & have families result in pictureless & actionless verses. Use action verbs instead.
Past or Future Tense:
Haiku and senryu usually happen now. Past & future tenses remove us from the action & often use more words — weak ones like has, have, will.
Adjectives and Adverbs:
Use sparingly. Look for ones made from noun or verb roots. Avoid very, much, any, many, few, & all-inclusive words like every, all, always, never, everyone.
“I”:
Overuse of 1st person pronouns — It’s more risky in haiku than in senryu because senryu deals with humans. Put emphasis on the person with senryu, and on the image with haiku.
Padding:
Don’t throw in words just to conform to a 5-7-5 or other imagined pattern. Either revise to find 17 strong, useful syllables or go for a shorter verse.
Redundancy:
One season word is enough: “Spring blossoms” is redundant: both identify season. Let strong words do their job: “pavement wet with rain” is redundant.
Abstractions:
Not Supported by Concrete Imagery? Let imagery suggest the point; don’t state it baldly.
Overall Impression:
Like haiku, senryu captures a moment in time. There is only one break in thought. My suggestion is to capture a specific image in time and let the reader discover the message without stating it. Eliminate punctuation and caps that are not referring to God.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I like both the subject and perspective you chose. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. I thought the sub-titles worked well.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had little problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
Typo: Colon on last sub-title. Line three: "plead" to pleaded or pled.
Articles: Line six - "an" audacious sign. Line thirteen - "a" heavenly hand.
Missing caps: Savior - One - Lamb
The line breaks seem right.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem.
SUGGESTIONS:
I suggest you use some dashes: Line Ten before "my burden bears" and replace the commas in line fourteen with dashes. A dash before "amazing grace" in the closing will put an emphasis on it.
I really like the content and layout in this poem - keep writing.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests, and it is not meant to be a critique. Please use only what is helpful.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and goes well with the graphic. However, I thought it stole the thunder from the opening line.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I liked the specific image details, especially lines 3 through 8. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The repetition of "In the" worked well for you. The diction (choice of words) is good, and I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
It is refreshing to see proper punctuation and grammar. The line breaks seem right. I doubt your poem could be tightened without hurting it.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
There is a lot in this poem. It's written like one of my sermons. Tell them what you are going to say, then tell them, and finally tell them what you told them.
SUGGESTIONS:
Its one of those things debated, but I would add a title that adds something to your poem not mentioned. It makes the opening line sound redundant.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line hints as to what the poem is about. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I love the opening stanza, and the picture it puts into the reader's mind. It's show and not tell, allowing the person reading it to discover things for him/herself. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I like the positive closure. It seems right for ending the poem. The line breaks and placements seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
Typos in line 8 and 9 (to to - and and). I suggest quotation marks in line eleven to guide the reader. Change "grace". to "grace." There are punctuation errors, but it doesn't seem to hurt your poem when read out loud. In line 6 I suggest a dash instead of a comma for emphasis on what follows.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line hints as to what the poem is about. The graphic and title go good together. I love the opening line and tone. It draws the reader in.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I needed to read your poem a few times to get the flow. Your voice comes through very well.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I thought the closing was excellent. It seems right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I always like your content. One thing I look for is consistency. My flow problem comes when reading out loud the first read. If the punctuation (or no punctuation) is not consistent, it takes a few reads before I catch on to the flow. If you choose not to use punctuation, semi-colon, dashes and ellipsis' would work here.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted of my thoughts on judging for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I feel renewed after a long winter, which brings me to your title. It's both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening lines make the reader curious and draws him/her into the poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The similes worked well for you. There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow, one exception. "Lean" sounds forced to rhyme with "green." You may need to re-structure your sentence something like "toward the sun flowers grow and lean." I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I love the strong finish. It's not overwritten or artificial, and seems right for ending your poem. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I found four words referring to the Lord that need to be capitalized. When not using punctuation, I suggest a dash, or elipsis, where it's needed to guide the reader. Ex: My creator - my savior whispers.
You have a keeper - keep writing.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FORM:
The form is done correctly. "I AM" poems are personal, but you have accomplished what I was looking for. It rises above the individual and becomes more widely relevant.
POETRY DEVICES:
The specific images are excellent, and give the poem a good texture. I found no weak areas. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The allegory and metaphor worked well. I found no odd word choices.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
The punctuation worked well, but the final four lines broke the consistency.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
It's rare, especially in an "I AM " poem, that the reader is left something to discover for him/herself. You can say things in poetry that you cannot say in any other way. You have done that.
SUGGESTIONS:
Although it doesn't hurt your poem when read out loud, I suggest you complete the punctuation in the final stanza.
I still need to give you a 5.0 for the contest.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FORM:
The form is done correctly. Your poem rises above the individual, and becomes more widely relevant.
POETRY DEVICES:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. I found no odd word choices.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
I found no errors.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I liked lines three and four, using nature kept the opening stanza from sounding redundant. An "I AM" poem takes away a lot of flexibility, but you seemed to keep it natural.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. Keep writing.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I liked the perspective of using personification, for something that has been written about so often. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem, as does the graphic.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The specific image details are appropriate. I had little problem with the flow. I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The line breaks seem right. I thought not using punctuation with this poem hurt it. Also, partial punctuation made it inconsistent. The closing lines seem like a good way to end the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
Typo: "The" to They in the last line.
I thought using a quatrain with abab rhyme was a perfect choice for this poem. However, I also thought using so many slant rhymes with the lack of punctuation and/or dashes hurt the rhythm.
I love the content, and you have another keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
God Bless
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
The first thing I noticed was no punctuation. After reading your poem, I thought it worked well for you.
FORM:
The form is done correctly, I found no forced lines to comply with the form.
POETRY DEVICES:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. With me, it read almost like a list poem with longer lines. I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
I found nothing that hurt your poem.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I liked the strong finish with a challenge to the reader.
SUGGESTIONS:
I'm a believer that poetry needs to be crafted in a way that the reader "discovers" something for him/herself. Also, I think more action verbs would give you a stringer poem. EX: "will be taught" to being taught, "utter" to uttering, etc.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Have a blessed Christmas. Quihadi
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
The poem is personal, but rises above the individual to become more widely relevant. I liked the perspective.
FORM:
The form is correct. I didn't find anything "forced" to comply with the form.
POETRY DEVICES:
The specific image details sounded familiar. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
I found nothing that hurt your poem.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
Your poem reminded me of how I spent Thanksgiving Day.
SUGGESTIONS:
Although your poem is well written, it leaves nothing for the reader to discover for him/herself.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
I liked the perspectives you used.
FORM:
A double acrostic is not always easy (for me) to do. The form is done correctly.
POETRY DEVICES:
There are enough specific image details. I did have a little problem with the flow. The totality of tone and point of view are consistent.I found one "odd" word choice, "I" in line ten. The comma may be in the wrong place, after behind?
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
Words needed for grammatical and/or logical completeness are omitted. Readers need to see at a glance how the parts of a sentence are connected.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
If words omitted (even in fragmented sentences) were added to help the flow, you have a keeper.
SUGGESTIONS:
I suggest you use a dash in a few places. EX: "Inspiring invitation - coming am I."
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The similes worked well for you. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I found two problems when reading your poem out loud, partial punctuation and a few unneeded words. Replace the semi-colon with a question mark after "beat" - line six. The final six lines need to be consistent (punctuation) with the first eight lines. The only problem I have is with the mechanics and unneeded words for achieving the meter.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Yes, I can This is a great poem for today's church. The title is appropriate. It also adds to your poem because of the alliteration.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The alliteration of "Can you" and making each line a question worked well for you. If they were simply statements you would lose the reader's emotions and thoughts. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing line jumps out at you. A strong finish that seems right for ending the poem. The three line stanzas worked well.
Suggestions and general observations:
See, hear, feel, pray, speak - the final stanza is not consistent. Without losing the meaning I thought you could use "Can you live" in each line.
EX: Can you live spreading
Can you live bringing
Can you live understanding
The other thing is not having a rhyme scheme, but it's better not to lose the meanings. It's a keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I use the Roman Road most often in my prison ministry. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line draws the reader into the poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The metaphors worked well, and there were enough specific image details. Although not punctuated, I had no problem with the scansion of flow. I did think a rhyme scheme would have given it a better rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem. It was a strong ending and not overwritten. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
It's my opinion that the lack of a rhyme scheme hurt your poem. An ABAB rhyme (like the third stanza) would make this poem much stronger. The only punctuation is in the last stanza, I suggest you use an ellipsis or a dash and omit the period.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line hints as to what your poem is about and draws the reader in.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I think your images, and the picture it paints, are very good. I had no problem with the flow or rhythm. I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
With partial punctuation, I would rather see ellipses, dashes and/or a semi-colon. I did have a hard time relating the poem to the prompt.
Having said that, I love the poem - it's a keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Interesting title, it creates curiosity and made me read Psalm 37 before I started. It is both appropriate and adds to your poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. I was glad to see you used only one stanza, because of departing from the rhyme scheme in the last ten lines. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The final lines seem right to end the poem. It's not overwritten or artificial.
Suggestions and general observations:
I doubt your poem could be tightened without hurting it. I do think there is an overuse of commas.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
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