DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I like both the subject and perspective you chose. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. I thought the sub-titles worked well.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had little problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
Typo: Colon on last sub-title. Line three: "plead" to pleaded or pled.
Articles: Line six - "an" audacious sign. Line thirteen - "a" heavenly hand.
Missing caps: Savior - One - Lamb
The line breaks seem right.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem.
SUGGESTIONS:
I suggest you use some dashes: Line Ten before "my burden bears" and replace the commas in line fourteen with dashes. A dash before "amazing grace" in the closing will put an emphasis on it.
I really like the content and layout in this poem - keep writing.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests, and it is not meant to be a critique. Please use only what is helpful.
SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and goes well with the graphic. However, I thought it stole the thunder from the opening line.
POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I liked the specific image details, especially lines 3 through 8. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The repetition of "In the" worked well for you. The diction (choice of words) is good, and I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
It is refreshing to see proper punctuation and grammar. The line breaks seem right. I doubt your poem could be tightened without hurting it.
CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
There is a lot in this poem. It's written like one of my sermons. Tell them what you are going to say, then tell them, and finally tell them what you told them.
SUGGESTIONS:
Its one of those things debated, but I would add a title that adds something to your poem not mentioned. It makes the opening line sound redundant.
Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line hints as to what the poem is about. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I love the opening stanza, and the picture it puts into the reader's mind. It's show and not tell, allowing the person reading it to discover things for him/herself. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I like the positive closure. It seems right for ending the poem. The line breaks and placements seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
Typos in line 8 and 9 (to to - and and). I suggest quotation marks in line eleven to guide the reader. Change "grace". to "grace." There are punctuation errors, but it doesn't seem to hurt your poem when read out loud. In line 6 I suggest a dash instead of a comma for emphasis on what follows.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line hints as to what the poem is about. The graphic and title go good together. I love the opening line and tone. It draws the reader in.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I needed to read your poem a few times to get the flow. Your voice comes through very well.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I thought the closing was excellent. It seems right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I always like your content. One thing I look for is consistency. My flow problem comes when reading out loud the first read. If the punctuation (or no punctuation) is not consistent, it takes a few reads before I catch on to the flow. If you choose not to use punctuation, semi-colon, dashes and ellipsis' would work here.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted of my thoughts on judging for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I feel renewed after a long winter, which brings me to your title. It's both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening lines make the reader curious and draws him/her into the poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The similes worked well for you. There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow, one exception. "Lean" sounds forced to rhyme with "green." You may need to re-structure your sentence something like "toward the sun flowers grow and lean." I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I love the strong finish. It's not overwritten or artificial, and seems right for ending your poem. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I found four words referring to the Lord that need to be capitalized. When not using punctuation, I suggest a dash, or elipsis, where it's needed to guide the reader. Ex: My creator - my savior whispers.
You have a keeper - keep writing.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FORM:
The form is done correctly. "I AM" poems are personal, but you have accomplished what I was looking for. It rises above the individual and becomes more widely relevant.
POETRY DEVICES:
The specific images are excellent, and give the poem a good texture. I found no weak areas. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The allegory and metaphor worked well. I found no odd word choices.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
The punctuation worked well, but the final four lines broke the consistency.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
It's rare, especially in an "I AM " poem, that the reader is left something to discover for him/herself. You can say things in poetry that you cannot say in any other way. You have done that.
SUGGESTIONS:
Although it doesn't hurt your poem when read out loud, I suggest you complete the punctuation in the final stanza.
I still need to give you a 5.0 for the contest.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FORM:
The form is done correctly. Your poem rises above the individual, and becomes more widely relevant.
POETRY DEVICES:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. I found no odd word choices.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
I found no errors.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I liked lines three and four, using nature kept the opening stanza from sounding redundant. An "I AM" poem takes away a lot of flexibility, but you seemed to keep it natural.
SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. Keep writing.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I liked the perspective of using personification, for something that has been written about so often. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem, as does the graphic.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The specific image details are appropriate. I had little problem with the flow. I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The line breaks seem right. I thought not using punctuation with this poem hurt it. Also, partial punctuation made it inconsistent. The closing lines seem like a good way to end the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
Typo: "The" to They in the last line.
I thought using a quatrain with abab rhyme was a perfect choice for this poem. However, I also thought using so many slant rhymes with the lack of punctuation and/or dashes hurt the rhythm.
I love the content, and you have another keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
God Bless
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
The first thing I noticed was no punctuation. After reading your poem, I thought it worked well for you.
FORM:
The form is done correctly, I found no forced lines to comply with the form.
POETRY DEVICES:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. With me, it read almost like a list poem with longer lines. I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
I found nothing that hurt your poem.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I liked the strong finish with a challenge to the reader.
SUGGESTIONS:
I'm a believer that poetry needs to be crafted in a way that the reader "discovers" something for him/herself. Also, I think more action verbs would give you a stringer poem. EX: "will be taught" to being taught, "utter" to uttering, etc.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Have a blessed Christmas. Quihadi
Please only use what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace. Also, remember it is only one person's observation and comments. There is a link on the contest page for my thoughts on judging the poetry contests.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
I liked the perspectives you used.
FORM:
A double acrostic is not always easy (for me) to do. The form is done correctly.
POETRY DEVICES:
There are enough specific image details. I did have a little problem with the flow. The totality of tone and point of view are consistent.I found one "odd" word choice, "I" in line ten. The comma may be in the wrong place, after behind?
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/TYPOS:
Words needed for grammatical and/or logical completeness are omitted. Readers need to see at a glance how the parts of a sentence are connected.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
If words omitted (even in fragmented sentences) were added to help the flow, you have a keeper.
SUGGESTIONS:
I suggest you use a dash in a few places. EX: "Inspiring invitation - coming am I."
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The similes worked well for you. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I found two problems when reading your poem out loud, partial punctuation and a few unneeded words. Replace the semi-colon with a question mark after "beat" - line six. The final six lines need to be consistent (punctuation) with the first eight lines. The only problem I have is with the mechanics and unneeded words for achieving the meter.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Yes, I can This is a great poem for today's church. The title is appropriate. It also adds to your poem because of the alliteration.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The alliteration of "Can you" and making each line a question worked well for you. If they were simply statements you would lose the reader's emotions and thoughts. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing line jumps out at you. A strong finish that seems right for ending the poem. The three line stanzas worked well.
Suggestions and general observations:
See, hear, feel, pray, speak - the final stanza is not consistent. Without losing the meaning I thought you could use "Can you live" in each line.
EX: Can you live spreading
Can you live bringing
Can you live understanding
The other thing is not having a rhyme scheme, but it's better not to lose the meanings. It's a keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I use the Roman Road most often in my prison ministry. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line draws the reader into the poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The metaphors worked well, and there were enough specific image details. Although not punctuated, I had no problem with the scansion of flow. I did think a rhyme scheme would have given it a better rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem. It was a strong ending and not overwritten. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
It's my opinion that the lack of a rhyme scheme hurt your poem. An ABAB rhyme (like the third stanza) would make this poem much stronger. The only punctuation is in the last stanza, I suggest you use an ellipsis or a dash and omit the period.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line hints as to what your poem is about and draws the reader in.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I think your images, and the picture it paints, are very good. I had no problem with the flow or rhythm. I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
With partial punctuation, I would rather see ellipses, dashes and/or a semi-colon. I did have a hard time relating the poem to the prompt.
Having said that, I love the poem - it's a keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Interesting title, it creates curiosity and made me read Psalm 37 before I started. It is both appropriate and adds to your poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. I was glad to see you used only one stanza, because of departing from the rhyme scheme in the last ten lines. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The final lines seem right to end the poem. It's not overwritten or artificial.
Suggestions and general observations:
I doubt your poem could be tightened without hurting it. I do think there is an overuse of commas.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title seems appropriate, but does not add to the poem because it is a direct quote of the opening line. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing line seems right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought lines three and four needed an end stop. "Here" in line nine is not needed. I thought your poem could be tightened a little, and more active verbs used. EX: line nine - "long" to longing, "lean" to leaning, and "draw" to drawing.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The first line drew me into the poem. The opening lines establish the tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last few lines seem right for ending the poem. The line breaks seem right. The last stanza should be broken up into two (I blamed it on cyberspace).
Suggestions and general observations:
Punctuation isn't consistent and I thought it hurt your poem. The rhyme scheme also changed from ABCB to AABB. A typo and mis-spelled word in the third stanza. I thought your poem could be tightened a little by removing some unneeded words.
I can relate to this poem very well.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
A question for the title always draws my curiosity. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The first line establishes the tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I did have a little problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. The rhymes and slant rhymes helped. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing seemed right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I find it helps to color code and/or indent one of the characters to help guide the reader. I thought your poem could be tightened to make it even stronger. Unneeded words and some punctuation could be removed. EX: Line one - "in" and " , that" are not needed. "its" to it's - this can be done throughout your poem.
In the fourth stanza only one set of quotations are needed from beginning to end. I would shy away from using And, so, that, but and because to begin a sentence.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work. Keep writing.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I like to read the poem first without being concerned about the review. I loved the perspective. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line says a lot, and establishes the tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The repetition of "Could" in the fifth stanza worked well for you. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. They are not overwritten or artificial. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could be tightened a little by omitting unneeded words. EX: Second stanza - "Now," and "And." And screams for punctuation in the previous line. In the third stanza add two dashes; one after "blessings" and one before "not strong." Last stanza - change "inside and the cross" to "inside with the cross" and it works well without punctuation.
I suggest one more change to make your poem even stronger. I would add question marks where needed (6). It works well in the fifth stanza and the only other one is in the fourth stanza.
You have a keeper, and I understand why it has such a high rating. Just a few tweeks and it's perfect.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Your poem is personal but rises above the individual to become more widely relevant. This is what I was looking for with the prompt.
The title is appropriate and adds to the poem. The colon gave your title an interesting beginning. The opening line goes good with the title and arouses curiosity.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I did have a few problems with the scansion of flow. The slant rhymes helped, but were not enough to keep a rhythm.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I thought the last lines were a good way to end the poem. It was not overwritten or artificial.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem either needed punctuation or different line breaks to help guide the reader. I would use punctuation and leave the line breaks as is.
Spelling: monstrocity to monstrosity
I thought your poem could be tightened by omitting unneeded words.
I wrote a dialog between a husband and wife, and ended up indenting the second and fourth stanzas. I also color code them when posted online. Just a thought.
I always like your content and look forward to reading your poems.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I use a template in contests to help me judge everyone is the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts on posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I always enjoy "just reading" the poem first without thinking about review. The unspoken part of the prompt requires it to be personal. Your poem is what I was looking for, both personal and rising above the individual, becoming more widely relevant. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening established a tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last few lines seem right for closing the poem. The line breaks seem right. When read out loud, I tripped over one enjambment in the third stanza. I suggest an end stop after "reply."
Suggestions and general observations:
I found 15 pronouns referring to God that need capitalized.
I think your poem could be tightened by omitting some unneeded words. Example in the sixth stanza: "daughter and then," - 'and' may be omitted and replaced with a the comma following "then."
The reader needs something to discover for him/herself in poetry. Your poem is well written (and I loved it) but it is straight forward, leaving nothing to discover.
Losing a son or daughter is one of the hardest things to go through. It requires a comfort that only He can give. God Bless.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I liked your perspective of giving reasons to please God. We love Him because He first loves us. The title is appropriate. The opening establishes the tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. When read out loud I had a few problems with the flow. Not having a consistent rhyme scheme or meter hurt the rhythm.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing takes the poem full circle. I thought "delicious" was an odd word choice. It reminded me of the "Little Scroll" sweet to taste but turning bitter afterwards. Sweet because of where it came from and bitter because of the message.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could be tightened. Also, more line breaks and/or punctuation is needed to guide the reader. Similes make comparisons by using the words "as" or "like." I loved your using Hagar, David and Mary and kept thinking a simile would link each to pleasing God. Just a suggestion.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
I apologize for being so late with August judging, but it was unavoidable.
God Bless and keep writing.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title seems appropriate and adds to the poem. The opening line sheds doubt on many ways to please Him. The tone changes as the poem continues.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had little problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The line breaks seem right. The last line gives your poem a strong finish.
Suggestions and general observations:
I find personal pronouns referring to the Lord need caps, including "Jesus."
Typo: Oly to only. Quotations on "What must we do to be saved?"
I find your poem could be tightened leaving out unneeded words and punctuation. Also, using poetry devices in a way that the reader discovers instead of stating something will bring in his/her emotions.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
I apologize for being late this month with the reviews/judging. Keep writing and I'll look for your next entry.
God Bless
Quihadi
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I liked the perspective, big subjects written about over and over need new perspectives. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening establishes a tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I liked the specific image details. You can say things in a poem that you couldn't say in any other genre. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The point of view is driven home very well. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I kept waiting for a punch line and I wasn't disappointed. It was a strong closure and not artificial or overwritten. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could be tightened a little to make even stronger. EX: omit But, So and And when beginning a sentence. That is not needed in the seventh stanza. I also suggest using active verbs like giving, listing, inviting, getting, bearing and hoping. It also gives you some internal rhymes.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Also, thank you for your patience with the late judging.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title seems appropriate and adds to your poem. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I found no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I liked the strong finish using action verbs. It seems right for the closure of the poem, not overwritten or artificial. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
Although I prefer to see punctuation in un-metered poetry, it did not hurt the first two stanzas. Third stanza suggestion: ellipsis after the third line and a dash after "clarion call." Changing "freed to free" (with me) doesn't lose any meaning and adds the rhyme. In the next to last line I suggest a dash after "walking" and another after "talking." Your poem will flow well when read out loud w/out punctuation. To stay consistent your final two lines need end rhymes.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
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