Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title seems appropriate, but does not add to the poem because it is a direct quote of the opening line. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing line seems right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought lines three and four needed an end stop. "Here" in line nine is not needed. I thought your poem could be tightened a little, and more active verbs used. EX: line nine - "long" to longing, "lean" to leaning, and "draw" to drawing.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I loved the perspective. The title hints as to what the poem is about. It is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line creates curiosity and draws the reader into the poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. I thought indenting one character, instead of making the reader search, would have given it a better rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The strong closing lines seem right for ending the poem. It is not overwritten or artificial. The line breaks seem right. The color code worked well.
Suggestions and general observations:
Second line: "You're allowed to" is not needed and makes it sound redundant. I would also put the emphasis on "My gift to you" by replacing the period with a dash ie "Do as you wish - My gift to you." you to You two times.
Indent the response for reading it aloud the first time vs left/right margins.
General observation: One thing about being born from above is we have two natures. Jesus said we will be like Him when we see Him. When we leave this world we leave our old sinful nature behind and only have His. Your poem demonstrates them in action using a conversation with God - good job.
Your poem is too good not to make the little "tweeks" for perfection.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The first line drew me into the poem. The opening lines establish the tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last few lines seem right for ending the poem. The line breaks seem right. The last stanza should be broken up into two (I blamed it on cyberspace).
Suggestions and general observations:
Punctuation isn't consistent and I thought it hurt your poem. The rhyme scheme also changed from ABCB to AABB. A typo and mis-spelled word in the third stanza. I thought your poem could be tightened a little by removing some unneeded words.
I can relate to this poem very well.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
A question for the title always draws my curiosity. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The first line establishes the tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I did have a little problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. The rhymes and slant rhymes helped. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing seemed right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I find it helps to color code and/or indent one of the characters to help guide the reader. I thought your poem could be tightened to make it even stronger. Unneeded words and some punctuation could be removed. EX: Line one - "in" and " , that" are not needed. "its" to it's - this can be done throughout your poem.
In the fourth stanza only one set of quotations are needed from beginning to end. I would shy away from using And, so, that, but and because to begin a sentence.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work. Keep writing.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I like to read the poem first without being concerned about the review. I loved the perspective. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line says a lot, and establishes the tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The repetition of "Could" in the fifth stanza worked well for you. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. They are not overwritten or artificial. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could be tightened a little by omitting unneeded words. EX: Second stanza - "Now," and "And." And screams for punctuation in the previous line. In the third stanza add two dashes; one after "blessings" and one before "not strong." Last stanza - change "inside and the cross" to "inside with the cross" and it works well without punctuation.
I suggest one more change to make your poem even stronger. I would add question marks where needed (6). It works well in the fifth stanza and the only other one is in the fourth stanza.
You have a keeper, and I understand why it has such a high rating. Just a few tweeks and it's perfect.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Your poem is personal but rises above the individual to become more widely relevant. This is what I was looking for with the prompt.
The title is appropriate and adds to the poem. The colon gave your title an interesting beginning. The opening line goes good with the title and arouses curiosity.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I did have a few problems with the scansion of flow. The slant rhymes helped, but were not enough to keep a rhythm.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I thought the last lines were a good way to end the poem. It was not overwritten or artificial.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem either needed punctuation or different line breaks to help guide the reader. I would use punctuation and leave the line breaks as is.
Spelling: monstrocity to monstrosity
I thought your poem could be tightened by omitting unneeded words.
I wrote a dialog between a husband and wife, and ended up indenting the second and fourth stanzas. I also color code them when posted online. Just a thought.
I always like your content and look forward to reading your poems.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I use a template in contests to help me judge everyone is the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts on posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I always enjoy "just reading" the poem first without thinking about review. The unspoken part of the prompt requires it to be personal. Your poem is what I was looking for, both personal and rising above the individual, becoming more widely relevant. The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening established a tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last few lines seem right for closing the poem. The line breaks seem right. When read out loud, I tripped over one enjambment in the third stanza. I suggest an end stop after "reply."
Suggestions and general observations:
I found 15 pronouns referring to God that need capitalized.
I think your poem could be tightened by omitting some unneeded words. Example in the sixth stanza: "daughter and then," - 'and' may be omitted and replaced with a the comma following "then."
The reader needs something to discover for him/herself in poetry. Your poem is well written (and I loved it) but it is straight forward, leaving nothing to discover.
Losing a son or daughter is one of the hardest things to go through. It requires a comfort that only He can give. God Bless.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
First Impression: "Love It"
I thought this was a refreshing perspective on something written about many times. The Title and photo is appropriate and adds to your poem. The poem is personal but rises above the individual and becomes more widely relevant.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone with the thought process is very good.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I love the strong closing. It is not artificial or overwritten.
Suggestions and general observations:
I doubt your poem could be tightened in any way without hurting it. The punctuation and rhyme scheme worked well for you.
I have no suggestions for this fine poem (a rare statement from me).
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
I apologize for the unavoidable delay judging the August contest. Keep writing.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I liked your perspective of giving reasons to please God. We love Him because He first loves us. The title is appropriate. The opening establishes the tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. When read out loud I had a few problems with the flow. Not having a consistent rhyme scheme or meter hurt the rhythm.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing takes the poem full circle. I thought "delicious" was an odd word choice. It reminded me of the "Little Scroll" sweet to taste but turning bitter afterwards. Sweet because of where it came from and bitter because of the message.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could be tightened. Also, more line breaks and/or punctuation is needed to guide the reader. Similes make comparisons by using the words "as" or "like." I loved your using Hagar, David and Mary and kept thinking a simile would link each to pleasing God. Just a suggestion.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
I apologize for being so late with August judging, but it was unavoidable.
God Bless and keep writing.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title seems appropriate and adds to the poem. The opening line sheds doubt on many ways to please Him. The tone changes as the poem continues.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had little problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The line breaks seem right. The last line gives your poem a strong finish.
Suggestions and general observations:
I find personal pronouns referring to the Lord need caps, including "Jesus."
Typo: Oly to only. Quotations on "What must we do to be saved?"
I find your poem could be tightened leaving out unneeded words and punctuation. Also, using poetry devices in a way that the reader discovers instead of stating something will bring in his/her emotions.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
I apologize for being late this month with the reviews/judging. Keep writing and I'll look for your next entry.
God Bless
Quihadi
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. This is not meant to be a critique, only a review to help me judge the contest. There is a link posted on my thoughts in posting for The Poetry Lighthouse Contests.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I liked the perspective, big subjects written about over and over need new perspectives. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening establishes a tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I liked the specific image details. You can say things in a poem that you couldn't say in any other genre. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The point of view is driven home very well. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I kept waiting for a punch line and I wasn't disappointed. It was a strong closure and not artificial or overwritten. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could be tightened a little to make even stronger. EX: omit But, So and And when beginning a sentence. That is not needed in the seventh stanza. I also suggest using active verbs like giving, listing, inviting, getting, bearing and hoping. It also gives you some internal rhymes.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Also, thank you for your patience with the late judging.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title seems appropriate and adds to your poem. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I found no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
I liked the strong finish using action verbs. It seems right for the closure of the poem, not overwritten or artificial. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
Although I prefer to see punctuation in un-metered poetry, it did not hurt the first two stanzas. Third stanza suggestion: ellipsis after the third line and a dash after "clarion call." Changing "freed to free" (with me) doesn't lose any meaning and adds the rhyme. In the next to last line I suggest a dash after "walking" and another after "talking." Your poem will flow well when read out loud w/out punctuation. To stay consistent your final two lines need end rhymes.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title and picture say it all. The title is appropriate because of the repetition in the poem. The first line establishes the tone kept throughout.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines seemed right for ending the poem. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I found some unneeded words and thought it could be tightened a little.
You have a keeper - I loved it.
I may have mentioned this before, but I think you have a knack for prose poetry. Give it a try.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I think the title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line hints as to what the poem is about and establishes the tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm with one exception. I thought the second stanza could have been crafted with end rhymes. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seem right for the poem. It was not overwritten or artificial. The line breaks seem right. I also think punctuation would work well in this poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I suggest using more active verbs. EX: Setting, giving, recording, rewarding, pleading, crying, spending, gaining, knowing, and hearkening. To me it not only makes it come alive, but creates internal rhymes. It's just a thought. I don't think your poem can be tightened, but I do think parts could be developed more.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.
Where poem was read:
I read your poem on the Request Reviews page.
Subject:
Your poem is personal, but rises above the individual and becomes more widely relevant.
Opening:
The title seems appropriate, however, it does not add anything different and steals the thunder from the closing.
Sight Devices:
I thought a simile would work well in the opening line - "like the setting sun..." There are enough specific image details.
Sound Devices:
The rhyme scheme allowed the poem to work well without punctuation. I had no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm.
Sense Devices:
The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure:
The last lines seem right for closing the poem. They weren't artificial or overwritten. Also, it was a strong finish.
Placement On Page:
The line breaks seem right. The line placements are fine. Couplets require metered lines, so the use of two line stanzas may confuse things.
General Observations:
Suggestions: Try using more active verbs. Ex: walking, feeling (omitting "until i"), seeing, replace "see" with "do" so it doesn't sound redundant. This is only a suggestion, but I thought it worked well when I did it. Also it gives you some internal rhymes.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title s both appropriate and adds to the poem. The first lines establish the tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
I wanted to make comments and/or suggestions last instead of as I go this time. First, I think the content is great. I also think more poetic devices are needed. You can find some listed on the link "Judging The Lighthouse Poetry Contest" on the contest page. I also suggest you use prose poetry or iambic meter (five feet). In poetry the reader needs to discover things for him/herself. It's the poet's job to use imagery and other devices to convey it.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title both adds to your poem and is appropriate. The opening line establishes the tone kept throughout. The poem is personal, but rises above the individual and becomes more widely relevant.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
The imagery puts the reader on the scene. The scansion of flow and rhythm are very good. The rhyme scheme worked well for you. The diction is consistent. I find no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. They are not overwritten or artificial. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought there was an overuse of commas. I stopped considering anything that does not "hurt" the poem for the contest, but it's worth mentioning. The use of action verbs and the present tense makes this a much stronger poem.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title seems appropriate and hints to what the poem is about. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate. I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines were a good way to end the poem. It was not artificial or overwritten.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could have been expanded more. It doesn't leave much for the reader to discover for him/herself. EX: Instead if baldly stating "suffering teaches us," bring the readers emotions in with a real life example. Let them discover it for themselves. We do this with poetry devices. My favorite are listed on my link "Judging The Lighthouse Poetry Contests" on the contest page.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I like thin poems without the use of punctuation. I also enjoyed the perspective. The title is appropriate and hints to what the poem is about. The title should be capitalized unless using it in a book.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. The repetition worked well. I had no problem with the flow or rhythm. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. he syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seemed right for ending the poem. The line breaks seem right. he stanzas worked well.
Suggestions and general observations:
The title steals the thunder from the first line. I'm a believer the title should add something to the poem, and not be a direct quote. You have a keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Colorful. My personal opinion is color, and sometimes a picture, adds to the poem. The title s both appropriate and adds to the poem. The first lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm or flow. The point of view is good. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines are a good way to end the poem. Not artificial or overwritten. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I think your poem could be tightened a little. I've learned not to use the same word twice in the same sentence except by design. My suggestion is to use more action verbs. Thinking, facing, fighting, etc. I really love this poem, by the way. I'm always finding things to "tweek" when I revisit mine.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
The title is appropriate. The first line establishes the tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I thought the specific image details were good. When reading it aloud, I did have a problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. Without meter and rhyme, punctuation and line breaks become more important to guide the reader. I found no odd word choices.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing line was a good way to end the poem. I thought the lack of line breaks hurt your poem.
Suggestions and general observations:
This poem has the makings of a keeper. My suggestion is to use meter to make it flow better.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work. Hopefully, you will keep entering the contests. I apologize for taking so long judging this time.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I thought the picture added to the poem. The title is appropriate, but steals the thunder of the first line. I'm a believer the title should add to the poem.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I thought the specific image details were good. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm and flow. The rhyme scheme worked well. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is good - celebration.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last line was a great way to end your poem. We need reminded we have a place (our home) in Heaven. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
With the exception of a few unneeded words and a few end stops vs commas, I doubt your poem could be tightened in any way. The only other suggestion I have is to use a dash before the last line instead of a comma. This will put emphasis on what follows.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Welcome aboard Elise. The title seems appropriate. The opening lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
I thought the specific image details were good. I found no sections weak in visual images. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. A strong finish and not overwritten or artificial. I did have a little problem with the punctuation and a few unneeded words.
Suggestions and general observations:
I suggest you use a dash vs a comma in one line. "I chase it - losing grip." The dash puts an emphasis on what follows. I think if you tighten your poem a little, you have a keeper.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. You will find a link on the site that will tell you how I try to judge the poems, and my thoughts. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
Beginning, middle and end. I liked the perspective. The title is appropriate, but does not add to your poem. Also, it steals the thunder from the opening line. The opening line establishes the tone.
Poetry Divices - sight, sound, and sense:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The closing lines were a great way to end the poem. Not artificial or overwritten. The line breaks seem right.
Suggestions and general observations:
I thought your poem could be developed more using active verbs. The reader needs to "discover" things for him/herself. I've been learning to get away from generality, and not to say things directly. This is where poetry devices are needed. Painting a word picture that brings the reader to discover what would simply be said in prose.
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
Disclaimer:
I updated my template. I like using a template in contests so everyone is judged the same way. Remember, I'm only an author like you, so only use what is helpful.
First Impressions, subject, and opening of the poem:
I liked the perspective you used. The title is both appropriate and adds to the poem.The opening lines establish an appropriate tone.
Poetry Devices - sight, sound, and sense:
There were enough specific image details. I have no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. The diction is consistent. The I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.
Closure of the poem and placement on the page:
The last lines were a perfect way to end the poem. Not artificial or overwritten. The line breaks seem right. I was happy to see you didn't overuse commas. I see no punctuation that needs to be stripped away.
Suggestions and general observations:
I do have a few suggestions. First, I would replace "to" with a dash before "destroy" in the last line. It puts an emphases on what follows - "destroy." Second, There are a few unneeded words, such as "they" in the first line second stanza. Omit "they" and you can also omit the comma. Third, I would like to see more action verbs beginning with the second stanza. I think you would have an even stronger poem. It would also give you internal rhymes. Simply use present tense. EX: "Protecting this," He charged one special pair. Also, pronouns referring to God are capitalized (like he).
Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review your work.
I really like this poem. A few tweeks and you have a keeper. Keep writing - and I hope you come back for this month's contest. I apologize for taking so long reviewing.
Quihadi
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