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2,806 Public Reviews Given
3,474 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
I'm good at...
Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, epiphany, emotional, drama, human interest, science, conspiracy, dystopian, fatalistic, speculative. Not cookie cutter fantasy realms or choose your adventure. Action/adventure. Unique, surprise.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, fan fiction, some fantasy and sci-fi, or anything Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones-ish.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
I will not review...
I’m happy receive an email to discuss first. I set this to receive 9k. WDC gets the rest. No page here I know of to collectively or categorically see, compare reviewers for hire. That might be a worthy tool.
Public Reviews
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626
626
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very interesting vignette that I believe drew from a very personal and affecting experience. I can imagine being in that scene with the man drawing his last breaths as if he wanted to finish this race called life.

This piece could be fleshed out more, hint at more than a few lines of perspective. Perhaps, a sense of foreboding with that weather? Not sure if you want to embellish or create fiction, but this is relatable and worthy work.

Good luck,

B


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627
627
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Enlightening piece about those people who know the right person to answer their door on those solicitous house calls. All-in-all, a non-sensical rambling that reads more like stream of consciousness rather than structured story. It could use focus. Description of setting, character more?

Maybe, the main character, who can talk to his dog, is an easy mark for Girl Scout cookies because he's a known pot head. Either way, you collect a few chuckles, scratched my head mostly. Sounds like this person lives with guilt and shame, making very marketable. Psychological revelations lie beneath.

B


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628
628
Review of The Perfect Poem  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (4.0)
An ode to a perfect poem is an intriguing start, with a title that made me wonder if the poet has some insights to share.
What I noted was a three stanza toenail-lined structure full of ponderance. Through your process of searching for discovery, it's learned there are no perfect answers. Maybe imperfect is the better way to go.
Good effort,

B


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629
629
Review of You  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Dear Kay ,

I'm a reviewing you as a member of "The Rockin' Reviewers" .

"You"  gave me much to ponder about a short, simple declaration of truth. I can sense the energy and excitement revealed in this poem you've encouraged comment for. After giving consideration to the message, I'm inspired to wonder -- does more need to be said to relate this to a reader?

Your brief poem is a glimpse into a moment when a writer is grasping at faith like serendipity. You've got something by the tail, but I say: don't let it go.

So many times something poignant like this is revealed to the author, causing one to run for the nearest transcription service. We might not have time to flesh out this thing gnawing at us -- certain we'll finish later. But, when the writer does return...hmm, what's missing? That moment when that portal opened...is now closed.

💎

I'm reminded of this conundrum when I see your short 'truest' revelation. We didn't harness all the energy in those special moments to keep pursuing, hang on to the tail of that thing grasped to see where it might lead. Sometimes, nowhere.

Now, the author might know how truly poignant this write is...but the task is to convey those feelings to an audience to get the same, similar, moving revelation. Perhaps, it needs more exploration.

What I find is some sudden realization how one has so deeply identified with another that it's soul defining. But, why does the author diminish the realization that this other is on their mind, joined at the hip, saying 'like it means anything, anymore'? Was it too late? I assume the realization of this connection isn't after a breakup.

💎

So, I ponder what is true....why the long pause between first two lines and last word 'anymore'? I hear echoes between space and of time. And when you say 'own it' you don't mean the other -- but your feelings for that other...this is the truth: Love?

I just hope the two crazy kids work it out. *Bigsmile* The author is certainly in charge, happy, free having learned this true fate. It was a pleasure to read and comment,

I Don’t Like My Name
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630
630
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello Old Man Time ,

The review of your poem comes on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"  of which I am a new member. I'm a little excited for more than one reason. A haiku about a camping trip in Northern Wisconsin?! That's my heck of the woods. *Bigsmile*

I very much enjoyed the expressions used in "Hiking at Midnight"  and wondered with a little editing if this could be made stronger. You have your syllable counts correct, use nature, but maybe your summation will get stronger reversing lines one and two...adding more setting, description.

*Star*          *Star*          *Star*

Line two employed a weak adjective in 'little'...you want to make every word count. What I question is why you start looking up to leaves in line one, then down to the grass in line two, but up again to the stars in line three. This could be more effective if you pan upward from grass to leaves to stars...see what I mean?

Now, the other thing I dealt with consuming this scene is lack of light. Those stars need a good amount of darkness to be visualized. How are we seeing grass and trees without mention of campfire or silhouettes? It could be assumed/imagined, but maybe, more effective to hint at it. Makes a haiku more difficult, getting all that crammed in there. You want that challenge...want words that could doubly, triply describe or imply images, mood, etc.
*Star*          *Star*          *Star*

You've got the fabric in place. 'Grasp' was a key active word in your haiku that could use a little touch up to express even more. So, I consider how you could swap lines/words to make better?

Original:
Silent, gentle leaves
Little rivulets of grass
Grasp the starlit night

Suggested:
Rivulets of grass
Soft leaves silhouettes grasping
A starlit canvass

I look at the suggested revision and wonder how important the grass is visually. Maybe, if it were felt instead. Want to employ senses, especially in connection with how we sense our surroundings...even with narrative mood.
*Star*          *Star*          *Star*

When I consider what this haiku could do without, I realize I wasn't fond of 'rivulets' -- difficult description in this short form...maybe not accurate? Is grass dewy, warm from fire, are blade tops illumed, deeply shadowed where unseen? You see?

Just maybe...you could try this:

Wet blades of warm grass
Soft leaves silhouettes grasping
A starlit canvass

Sorry I hijaked your haiku...but it has potential as I discovered what you are working worth. There are a million combinations there...possibly literally. Anyone could play with this haiku and make plenty of great images, expressions come to life from this. Your offering here makes that very possible.

Inspired writing thanks to our great outdoors! It was a pleasure to read and respond to your haiku,

I Don’t Like My Name
PDG Rockin' Reviewin' Newbie

*Star*          *Star*          *Star*

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631
631
Review of Hearts  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (3.0)

In regards to "Hearts"  -- This is good beginner poetry. This is like the 'roses are red' variety of poetry. But it begs why hearts be purple? Of valor, yes? And why of blue, sad? But lines three and four break from color scheme and I wondered about a fix for consistency and lend to some impending, unforeseen expressions that could add depth to theme.

What if the poet has a heart of valor, sometimes blue, but that it always beats for you? Then, a reader can infer purple and it doesn't confuse if you are directly describing a soldier wounded in combat. Hmm...wounded on love's battlefield. Could really have something of an expression to work with there.

It's lyrics really. Take it further and see,

Brian


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632
632
Review of Unity  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (4.5)

I discovered this senryu described like a haiku that did a great job of conveying in this short form a message with imagery and showing without telling.

We might have a problem with the first line, though. Sun sparkling is just not how I envision it. Obstacles like the sand it meets with might catch that glimmer. Maybe, the first line could be reordered to: 'sun-kissed, sparkling sand' -- that's an image I can appreciate.

'Golden circle on my hand' teased...just a little. With location...I'm getting a wedding on a beach vibe. Maybe, not author's intent, but what vision I got...especially when the third line reads 'Sworn on hallowed land'. Now, if I knew my geography or a bit of history, might that Beach be discernible?

Nicely done to give setting, description, mood, with a bit of a puzzle to imagine this scene. Pretty good job.

Brian


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633
633
Review of How Like Kites  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'm affiliating this review as a member of the WDC Angel Army.

Dear peach ,

"How Like Kites"  is a nice title for a poem that could explore a very worthwhile metaphoric or personified image of kites as people.

Your poem breaks out of the gate with:

"how like kites
we are..."

Okay, you got me. But, that was it? When you are in the moment and find this expression, something was revealed to you. What was the occasion, mood, moment that inspired this thought? There must have been something tangible that could have been described that would have allowed this poem lift off.

Did the poet, like the kite, run across the mind with a thought only to stop before getting the machination aloft? You can appreciate how much there really is to say about a poem that stopped short of what it could say.

What we have here now is a beautiful prompt, a bit of inspiration for other poets, writers, reviewers to imagine lending to this scene...thanks for the inspiration.

How like kites we are
Flight of fancy
Always chasing the pale blue
With our tail out
Carefree, prone to shift our position
When the invisible forces
Shove, heave life
In every new direction
And how by savage means
We clear these obstacles
Seek greater heights,
Glory, until too battered
By a life of navigating
Float back down
To magnetic ground --
Maybe, to never
Set a course again,
Safe in the boy's closet.
How like kites...

Yeah...Just typed without edit. It's easy enough. Take a run at it.

B

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634
634
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (4.0)

I don't know if this draft/story introduction is based on actual folklore (having no knowledge of this type of literature), or if originally authored, or adapted from similar legend. It does intrigue and inform well.

I'm reminded of Native American stories about Raven that stole the sun and gave it back to the people. It also draws a little from Prometheus, the story of Jesus and the immaculate conception...and Star Wars. And all these stories may have been influenced by other stories...so a confluence of fictional construction, which can make for a solid story.

I like that this ends with someone knowing this child threatens the current order, Dawn is in trouble and we have the old man who is wise and will help here.

There's a lot of structural errors, but I'd move forward with this as a bit of story open. I liked the detached style of narrating. Loaded with facts, harkens ye old language just enough. Good luck,

Brian


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635
635
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Dear GK ,

Your poem "No One Told Me it was a Formal Occasion"  sparks with some unique expressions in a delightful tribute to a colorful feline friend.

Something as personal as this might be difficult to edit to suit a reader. I do relate to what I see as back story and words of tribute akin to a pastoral poem.

Referencing butt and poop wasn't a stellar way to start out. In fact, I would have preferred focus on the two descriptions that revolve around your pet's unique markings.

The title doesn't say enough to describe to a reader, though it is the description line. I would prefer tuxedo cat...or a clever nickname like 10-pin. And, in a way, it's two separate poems with occasion to describe the animal's unique traits and settings...how he plays, looks at you while you dress, prepare to go out, how he looks in his tuxedo eating food.

It's inspired expressions that beg a framework to tease readers with all the fun this special cat can have in it's fur-like costumewear. Just some things to think about. Definitely, bypass or just don't begin with that opening stanza. Describe your kitty right away and play with it in text.

Brian


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636
636
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Dear lenny666 ,

I'm reviewing your item "The Dreaded Eye-O-You" , which is listed as poetry.

This was a tight read and full of emotion for a friend who failed you. Not a former friend? Usually, a person moves on from relationships described like this...which amounts more to a writer's word play. But, too cliche and lacks description. To me, it reads less like poetry and more like a cleverly worded rant. It's a start.

Suggestions: describe an event or events in a few words that got this person to upset the poet. Unique perspective is what you should go for. Stick with a metaphor within this theme. You have a house metaphor created from an overused expression. Perhaps, get rid of expression 'my hide you irritate' which detracts from your message when we consider why you express this. Flesh, if affected, can be described in many ways: crawling, burning, chilled, etc.

I think it's back to the drawing board for this, or just move on to the next. Again, it's more of an expulsion of words describing frustration. And maybe, take some time to consider the value of good friendship rather than dwell with one who has let you down

BK


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637
637
Review of Masterpiece  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

This is a poem about putting someone on a pedestal, but it was making me wonder how it must feel to be there...as the object of desire.

The poem speaks directly and indirectly about this 'masterpiece' of a goddess. Would keep the voice consistent. Described as the type that doesn't think she's pretty, so maybe an esteem issue and then there's this poet around writing odes that maybe do more harm than good to her psyche. It appears she doesn't know what she wants, but he's willing to wait around after she's had a go with other men, in case she might promise her love to him?

The expressions were cliche. But, there was an attempt to personify time as having legs and how even this universal element cannot appreciate her? It didn't quite work, though it gave me an odd visual of Buddha. Why, I do not know?

I think this is inspired and is important to the people the poem is about. Would try comparing her to something more, or something more specific. 'Eyes shot through the soul' was uninspired if not harsh commentary of one he spends an entire poem uplifting.

B


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638
638
Review of Hidden Inside  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (3.0)

This harkens a song like 'Tears of a Clown' for me -- where Smokey Robinson sings about having to put a smile on his face after seeing his ex with another.

What you have here is more prose-like. Poetry describes rather than tells of these feelings. Would not see as song lyrics, either. It makes a great point about how one is unable to get past something without others expectations of us that detract.

'An overcome of pain' was an awkward phrase that could use better word choice than 'overcome'. Now, 'since the tragedy' being generic/too vague, why not explore more direct an event, actual feelings, grief, ignorance of others to conclusion. While i can relate to these sentiments, this does not set itself apart...not too unique.

Just some things to consider,

BK


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639
639
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello {super:firedude},

I've been looking at your poetry. Came across this: Shape poem that caught my attention with its word choice, pattern, sensory choices to put a reader in the moment.

I liked the feel of that driving line 'patters on the brim' and how one senses, like we are imagining the rain without seeing. We are disconnected but know it will drip down to muddy dirt/dust...for example.

'Beating beats' seems repetitive and for a purpose, the banality of continual rain is well described with that phrase. I enjoyed how the poem has a moment when the rain let up then started again. That connects me.

Word choices I wondered about, though, repeating 'sound' instead of something descriptive. 'Wilts away' also an odd choice, though I understand it. Wind interacting with rain to drive it away...one should really consider in that moment how rain is buffeted by wind. I think you can have a great sensory moment I'd described better.

Great opportunity to explore sound words. Great construct for poem that did help a reader appreciate how it affects perception of scene, developing cadence of rain.

B


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640
640
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hi, I am I Don’t Like My Name and I am reviewing your chapter "Charisma- The Devil's Gap- Chapter 1"  as a member of "The WDC Angel Army" .

The title and description of this introductory chapter offer a reader something to look forward to, looking forward to a challenge of what we know about the world. Unfortunately, it's short and leaves us hanging -- maybe, that's good -- so we must read on in Chapter 2 to see what happens next. I think this needed more, however, either with characters and setting, or detailing and foreboding the coming details from Uncle Peter to Liam.

*Star* First graph/open...some thoughts:
Good hook to intrigue a reader. Perhaps, remove ‘even’ )unless you were writing in first person) as this distracts for an omniscient narration...sounds less authoritative — less mature.

Like: “The soft leather chattered...” because it plays with senses, puts reader in scene — connecting early.

*Star**Star* Early character descriptions give us contrast and helps visualize them, plug their differences into a reader’s discerning analysis of interaction going forward. Would introduce that Uncle mention sooner. Helps with dynamic of their relationship. We struggle to reform our opinion of how these two operate socially here as they dialogue.

I did not see Peter’s eagerness early enough. He seems collected before Orgone is mentioned...for someone whose about to spin a very intriguing tale. Characters can tempt with their words, give impressions of having seen something like god, or act smug. Just noting that some kind of foreboding, even a few words, can help describe to a reader who will read more closely, scavenge the text for evidence of what’s about to come. When Liam gets distracted not only will his frustration seem apparent, but the reader will impose their own feelings about that...connect us to emotion in story.

I think Liam should have a skeptical reaction to Peter’s initial reveal of the Prism flash. A little hesitation to add with attribution his first comment. I would be wondering why it would be important.

Suggest ending sentence from Liam like this...

“I mean, kind of cool, sure, but what’s this got to do with...” Add periods to show he’s reaching for — “...Orgone?” Could even use hyphens. *Bigsmile*

I found awkward — “His smile emanated his enthusiasm.” Maybe, something simpler to describe. You don’t want a reader to get caught wondering what that means when it’s quick and simple attribution you go for to keep us in story.

For 53, Peter seems to be stuck in high school nerd-dom. Thiscquality -- a person who is stuck -- can make a reader want to see him overcome this hangup. The discovery of Orgone and how it functions could be the thing to reform him. Interacting with it might be in the offing...super powers? See, I don't know. If you tease enough, forebode, I might want to read on to find out what happens to him.

Where are the other scientists/researchers? Why is Liam the one Peter needs to hear this? Is it something he needs to keep secret until, they can do more with Orgone?

*Star**Star**Star* As to Motivation:
Why doesn't Peter tease Liam with more to get his pseudo-nephew's interest? Would make Liam's character more aggravating if he still doesn't listen while Peter is trying to emphatically speak with him. Their dynamic in open is important to setting tone. I'm getting that Peter is repressed, afraid to assert himself to the type of character Liam is.

*Star**Star**Star**Star* What future story could contain:

I wonder if Orgone is supernatural, volatile?
I wonder if Orgone will give Peter powers that could get him respect?
Will Peter find self-respect?
Will a villain enter the story who has figured out what Peter knows about Orgone?
Will other characters be introduced? Maybe, a teen sidekick? He could be a powerful example to another how to get over insecurities as a nerd.

*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* Just a few thoughts I had while reading your chapter. I am just interested enough, I may be back for more later. Definitely would consider edits to make this stronger/longer. Might want to consider you expected audience, as this is not advanced/mainstream literature...maybe teen/adolescent (they crave writers in this market)...in which case I would recast Peter younger...or not mention age but describe him for a younger audience. Definitely good stuff for sci-fi fans.

It was a pleasure to read and hope to see more,

Brian


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641
641
Review of Drowning  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

"Drowning"  is a poem about drowning and eventually dying, but not really, so maybe, metaphorically. Honestly, a pity party would be what this poem is. Written by a teen who no doubt feels left out, hated, misunderstood. We've been there...angst at least. But then, the drama can become severe.

What functions in this poem is the driving one word open to each stanza. It's apt in its banal tone, indifferent, feeling life slip from one...emotionally. This person disconnects from realty because of its harshness.

There is supposed to be a moment when this character has drowned but keeps going on about how they are certain no one misses them. This is the epitome of someone actually trying to express themself in a way that begs for pity...or empathy...supposing others do or have felt this way.

The poem does not describe a predicament for these feelings. It's just about being alone and misunderstood. You know, if we all form a club, each club would have one member. It's about being misunderstood...so how would that work?

I would not describe this as good poetry, but it does well to utilize elements that are undeniably poetic.

B

100810

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642
642
Review of Whine Cellar  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I was impressed with the symbolic metaphor used in "Invalid Item" , though not sure why the title...seems too cheesy. I was intrigued by the dusty shards of broken bottles metaphor cleared by bleeding hands. The notion is that spilled vessels once held dreams. The metaphor seemed a bit uneven and was trying to imagine why dreams still lingered among the bottles remains. I imagined they would be lighter than air and escape,...as it usually is described.

It's a good metaphor and it solidly services the poem, undisturned by anything that could complicate imagery that plies a reader's mind. I think I'm looking for something more than just bloody hands, but a moment that caused it and pain associated. Or, is the poet numb to it? Are the bottles neglected? How did they break? Seems we cannot find enough to infer to satisfy thoughts about what happened. But, this is good, even though unanswered. It means we are intrigued and want more.

Using the broken bottles as metaphoric words, we try to imagine who spoke that broke dreams. And who is 'you' and why is the narrator blindly cleaning up? Or, realize late that help isn't necessary? I tried to piece this one together but could not connect your truth with my reality.

Good work,

Brian

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643
Review of The Hunt  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

A poem about an erotic female vampire who kills her male prey? The mood seems correct in a poem full of suspense until that final stanza. Truthfully, I didn't see the ending coming, though I got an inkling this was something different than the traditional vampire poem in the second to last verse.

Breaking away from the traditional vampire blood lust is good for twist. I think you could do even more, be even more specific in description. It's too generic in encounter. You could name and describe victim and blood luster, name her intention, describe setting. The poem is chock full of mood which without more succinct description leaves me disconnected...the reader needs to be in the moment, needs a bette pr feel of impending suspense. Active verbs are helpful.

If some foreboding were used with imagery in that open, you might be able to keep us in suspense until the reveal. Just some things to consider,

Brian

30514


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644
644
Review of Nightmares  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (3.5)

A quick read of your poem "Nightmares"  impressed me with tone and mood, while wondering about what type of poetry the writer aims for. I was impressed with the forthrightness of this offering and how the message is relatable to human doubt, insecurity.

Psychologically, one can view this poem as a glimpse inside the mind that goes beyond dream analogy. We are looking into the human condition about unanswered feelings about self, where we stand in our world. It speaks to me as someone young and prone to doubt, lacking life experience to combat these nocturnal questions.

The poem was structured without rhyme. I would consider traditional rhyming or using non-traditional stanzas like free verse. Expression is good. I think it could be developed more. It really spoke to me, despite the flaws.

Brian

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645
645
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I just read your poem, "Another Butterfly Effect" . Not what I was expecting. A poem with a revelation, but I cannot feel empathy for the spider. I understand the insect is misunderstood. Spiders get rid of unwanted pests. I don't agree with people for stepping on them unnecessarily.

We certainly do not step on butterflies -- they're pretty. Spiders are ugly. And the spider can eat some pesky flies or other spiders. I might not shed a tear for a moth, if it was on the arachnid's meni.. So, I could not feel moved by the hungered spider. We are the superior species...and we have heels.

Great poem!

Brian


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646
646
Review of Kite day  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Maria,

I wanted to share this poem/lyrics with the WDC Angel Army, where I sometimes review. "Mystical Lullaby"  is delightful for parents nostalgic about raising our little ones. What I realized: Sometimes, poets write about an actual thing without realizing an indirect relation to something more poignant, most often - as in this case - about struggling with life. I found the poems lyrics keenly attuned to a beloved characterization of parent and child experience - a happy one at that.

Here we have a poem with an enthusiastic narration, coaxing a little one to try. The kite is a great symbol for our soul that flies or dreams that soar. The narrator implores they will be disappointed if the little one gives up, but is understanding that they must give up. It causes me reflect as a parent how much we want our little ones to experience and enjoy life. It reminds that we live vicariously through them. For instance, rewatching a movie with someone and enjoying their first reactions to the parts we want them to love.

The language is simple and perfect for the tone of these...lyrics. Perhaps, speaking is song. The poet does not try to be preachy. Understands the little one can't fully appreciate yet what they are experiencing, gets drowsy, must sleep. But, it reminds, memories are being made. That kite could still become a nostalgic memory for the child when they are old enough to properly reflect.

As parents, we often seek perfect moments, preserve moments. We want our children to know what we know about how special life can be. We are only able to expose them too these cherished events, hope it will enrich a life we wish blessed with perpetual happiness. We need that happy balance for them, know they will grow up with this perspective we instill to help navigate their life. The kite, a perfect metaphor.

Parent On!

Brian


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Review of No Takers  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I think this is a curious piece that left me wondering about the psychology of the main character and how she was so particular about routine, why she avoided Trish and then changed her mind to impulsively go to that party.

The writing is clean and too the point. More description would help put us in those scenes. The ending needed more development. It's unclear what caused the crash, what Madonna's status was ... I assume bad but not dead since a coroner would not be at the scene yet.

There's not enough to help us feel who to blame for this scenario. I definitely wanted to know more about motivation. It was a really good launching point with a chance to get into Madonna's head and unlock that mystery.

*Sad* brian


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648
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I was intrigued by this essay on energy cost saving measures in "My tiny victory over the power company" . But, now I'm not sure that saving 300 dollars on a $350 monthly is possible. I googled...

Based on the changes you made, it seems your essay reads more like fiction. The average home has 40 devices that can burn through about a dollar's worth of electricity a month in standby. If you unplug them all, you'd save 40 dollars. That would be an extreme measure. You didn't turn off the heat just set at a reasonable temperature.

Interesting item. It had a bit of suspense with each energy bill opening. You misapplied 'transcribed' in first paragraph. I liked the ideas to conserving energy. You should add up all the energy saving measures to weigh against the overall savings. Insulation wasn't mentioned. Energy credits on taxes, which I took advantage of about eight years ago.

Good piece that would be valuable to first time renters. But, they should know these sacrifices won't be more than 50 dollars a month unless severe sacrifices.


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello, Tim. I'm reviewing your poetry on behalf of the WDC Angel Army. I've read and reviewed you on several occasions. Your poetry like "Finishing Tasks" is easily consumed and understood by this reader. Your writing style is direct and to the point. But, I'm wondering, should it be?

Poets are painters. We like to tease a bit with our words, the subject matter to provoke a reader. As an artist, if you describe indirectly without telling, we can get a better appreciation of story, theme, setting, characters, etc. Poets avoid the ordinary, tired language in this way. I see you as a storyteller. You have unique points of view. To draw your audience, you rely on insight from wisdom. This subject, while biographical, does not befit the charm you could supply.

The form is fine and it rhymes; the meter is clunky, needs a smoother flow. What I liked is that you do intone traditional poetry with the old flair like....

"The time-off’s great, no problem there,
No daily grind, or Monday’s care. "

Here, it tries repeat, but the ending 'it' throws off this reader, maybe because you linked the two comments with a comma. The two statements are separate...

"Just going for the wisest fit, <<--(suggest a period)
Avoiding long commutes, so ‘it’. " <<--- ah, I see 'that's' was added before 'it' since I started my review a few days ago. That changes it.

And 'it' is the end? Seems like just the beginning. We could chuckle but I don't think that is the intent. It looks like a poet stuck. I surmise there is more to this subject before it is done.

A very personal poem that relates well biographically about a job change and it's affect on the narrator. Do you think the traditional format restricts the process of indirectly describing? Maybe, try some other poetic forms, stretch your writer's wings a bit. Find a fresher voice? Might be fun.

Write On,

Brian

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Review of One man  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Intriguing story of how a physician must hide out as a fisherman, so he won't be killed.

Create a story of such normalcy when it is obviously chaotic with war.

How does he get into his house and why his door is being rammed weren't obvious to me.

Without quotes, this seemed like the setup for another, longer story...that these are not the man characters.

It was straight forward, clean writing with some good depictions. It's like a detailed report by someone who is watching the pair.


Write On,

Brian


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