This is a very cute poem. The only thing I'm taking off for is no title. 1. I see no spelling or grammar errors. 2. I like the play on the word "learning." 3. The rhymes are smooth and unforced. 4. The rythem flows very smoothly. 5. The poem is clear and concise.
The whole thing is well done. Hard to pick a favorite part.
Good Job.
Rob
ada,
This is a cute story, but it seems to take after several other stories I have heard or read.
There are a few areas that I have suggestions for you. 1. The Title is OK, it could probably be made to relate a little more closely to the story. 2. In the first paragraph, the line:
A. "All the bickering and the arguing of within our own race"...you don't need (of) after arguing.
The line:
B. " Few listened, as I was only just boy."...take out (only) or (just) as both make the same reference, and add (a) after the one you decide to use to make it (only a boy, just a boy)
{c;green}3. In paragraph 2, the line: "It was very sad day when"... add (a) after was. 4. In paragraph 3, the first line:
A. "10 young people, boys"... Should be (Ten) as the number is at the start of a sentence, otherwise you could use the number itself.
The same line:
B. " village with the determination to defeat the Great Evil Army." could be changed to (village determined to defeat...) which may sound a little less wordy. 5. In paragraph 4, the line:
A. "12 that had just plumaged through"... plumaged should be (rummaged.
The last 2 lines:
B: " wooden crate that. It hurt me to"...It should be (crate. It hurt...) 6. In paragraph 10, the line:
"but by my curiosity kept me going."...remove (by) 7. In paragraph 12, The line:
"“along many other innocent people."...add (with) after along.
this is a cute story though, and it could be made into a very good one at that. Remember, these are only what I observed, and my suggestions. Use them or lose them as you see fit.
Rob
Woooo Hooo Layla!
I sang this song as I was reading it. I didn't need to be told who you meant for it to take after, it goes with so many different melodies and tempos.
1. The title fits the poem.
2. I found no spelling or grammar errors.
3. The poem is clear and concise, and delivers a message to the reader.
4. The poem flows smoothly, and the punctuation aids in it's flow.
5. My favorite part is:
"You made the best of my situation
Your blood for me has kept me safe
Grace through faith, I know that I am saved
My love for You is when I sing"...This verse just reminds me of me. I love it, and I love to sing to Jesus, and to sing His praises.
Woooo Hooo Layla!
I sang this song as I was reading it. I didn't need to be told who you meant for it to take after, it goes with so many different melodies and tempos.
1. The title fits the poem.
2. I found no spelling or grammar errors.
3. The poem is clear and concise, and delivers a message to the reader.
4. The poem flows smoothly, and the punctuation aids in it's flow.
5. My favorite part is:
"You made the best of my situation
Your blood for me has kept me safe
Grace through faith, I know that I am saved
My love for You is when I sing"...This verse just reminds me of me. I love it, and I love to sing to Jesus, and to sing His praises.
3. The poem flows smoothly for the most part. there was a couple of lines that seemed forced. My suggestion...read it aloud and see if you hear a line with too many syllables in it and go from there.
4. The imagery you use is very good., you paint a picture with words.
5. The poem would be much better, both in rythem, and in appearance with proper punctuation.
6. My favorite part is:
"Beneath the boughs of winter's trees
we all remember simpler things
like rides and games and halloween
and happily ever after"...This makes the poem read like a children's fairy tale.
3. The poem flows smoothly for the most part. there was a couple of lines that seemed forced. My suggestion...read it aloud and see if you hear a line with too many syllables in it and go from there.
4. The imagery you use is very good., you paint a picture with words.
5. The poem would be much better, both in rythem, and in appearance with proper punctuation.
6. My favorite part is:
"Beneath the boughs of winter's trees
we all remember simpler things
like rides and games and halloween
and happily ever after"...This makes the poem read like a children's fairy tale.
~BCD REVIEW RAID~
Hi girl,
Nice to be back in your port for a minute.
Good Poem. 1. The title fits the poem.
2. I found no spelling or grammar errors.
3. The punctuation is well done and aids in smooth flow of the poem.
4. The words were well thought out and carefully chosen to make the poem more meaningful than it would be otherwise.
5. My favorite part of the poem is:
"I dream
Of honest people,
Of inner strength,
Of hopes renewed;
And prayers answered in length."...don't we all dream of these things that can only be through the grace Of the Almighty.
3. The punctuation is perfectly done and allows the poem to flow smoothly.
4. The imagery paints a picture for the reader. This is so descriptive you can see it in front of you instead of seeing the words.
5. My favorite part is:
"Backward winging, quick,
Talons extended,
Reaching, grasping,
Squeak."...You can literally see the eagle grabbing his prey with his wings stretched backward to halt his descent.
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This is a very well written piece. I would like to make two suggestions though.
1. The line: "The warrior draws his axe made of ebony and bone its blade" could use a comma after bone.
2. The line: " Flames spew across the ground, flowing towards the warrior cindering and bubbling the very earth beneath." could use a comma after warrior.
Remember, this is just my opinion.
Good writing.
Rob
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Very good.
I only found one problem with the whole piece. It's in tha last paragraph. The sentence:
"I want my kiss to reach deep into you soul."...Should be (your) soul.
Good Job.
Rob
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Absolutely no problems in this article whatsoever. You've done a bang up job as we say a few miles from the college you speak of. We remember it like it was yesterday.
Good Job.
Rob
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is good Bud.
After I got over the tears I made sure I was right. 1. I found a typo in the paragraph beginning..."Well, He too had a lot of hats, didn't He? The typo is in the line:
"Jesus had so many hats, he got a different one in very single"... should be (every) 2. Everything else is beautiful. 3. This is a very powerful devotion.
Good job, keep them coming.
Rob
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Mandy,
This is a good free verse poem. I did see a couple of errors. 1.Line one:
"You’re a aristocratic ladybug"...should be (an aristocratic ladybug.) 2. Line two:
"among common beeltes."...Should be (beetles)
{c:green3. I'm not quite sure how the title ties in to the poem as there is nothing about spotlights in the poem. 4. Punctuation is good throughout the poem, and allows the poem to flow smoothly.
Good Job.
Rob
Nicely done. 1. The title fits the poem very well. 2. The poem is clear, and concise. 3. The only fault I see is in the flow of the poem, a few lines seemed a little forced.
{c:red.4. The rhyme scheme is great. 5. My favorite part is:
"My heart began to melt
With the love that I felt."...Doesn't love do that to us all?
Good job.
Rob
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This is a very beautiful essay. It is well thought out, and written with beautiful imagery. you can see everything as it is happening. I saw absolutely no mistakes, so there is no need to break it down.
My favorite part is:
"I feel silly now, looking back at my childhood anger toward my mom and her butterfly."...I have felt that way also, I can imagine most of us have at one time or another when it comes to our relationship with our parents.
Good job.
Rob
This is absolutely beautiful. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors. 2. The title fits the poem perfectly. 3. The punctuation is well done, and allows for smooth flow of this piece." 4. The poem is clear and concise, and well thought out. 5. My favorite part is:
"Maybe I still have a few lines to find before I can discover
My Shape.
I need to keep creating,
And rearranging
Until I can change
What am I?
To
What I am."
Sounds like we all need to do a little figuring things out.
Good job.
Rob
This is very beautiful, and it's hard to do in depths on these for me. I get wrapped up in spiritual pieces. 1. The title fits the poem very well, and is what drew me to this piece. 2. I found no spelling or grammar errors, and the punctuation allows for smooth flow of this terrific song poem.
{c;green}3. The rhyme scheme is absolutely perfect. 4. My favorite part is:
"Do you cry when you remember,
T'was for you His blood was shed"...Everyone should be affected so deeply.
Good Job.
Rob
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Good monologue. 1. I found no spelling or grammar errors 2. The monologue was clear and easy to understand flowing in one direction. 3. I did find one problem:
"and the loss you is too unbearable."...should be (the loss of you,) better yet, (losing you.)
Good job.
Rob
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Normally I give indepth reviews, however, this is a thank you poem written for a very good reason. You've said thank you very beautifully. I hope the person who upgraded you saw this.
Good job.
Rob
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I would have to say this is a very good free verse poem. The reason I say free verse is because it does not adhere to a rhyming pattern from start to finish, but this is still beautiful.
(c:red)1. I saw no spelling or grammar errors throughout the poem.
2. Punctuation throughout the poem is very well done as it allows it to flow smoothly for the most part.
3. The one problem I saw was with the following line:
"Is what the circle's all about."...This line seems a little forced, and doesn't flow smoothly, no suggestions.
4. The imagery you use is beautiful. You make it easy to see the dance played out in front of us.
Good job.
Rob
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1. In line one:
"In the emptiness tween dusk and dawn,"...should be 'tween, and you could probably do without the comma.
2. In line three you may consider a change of adjective as vacant and emptiness give the same feeling, maybe wee hours?...and you could do without the comma after torn.
3. In line six, prescence should be presence.
4. The last two lines of stanza 1 are confusing, you may consider rewording them a bit to make them clear.
5. "Knowing to-morrow"...should be (tomorrow).
6. Line five and six of stanza two can do without the commas as they are coupled with line seven to form one thought.
7. Stanza three: A little rewording to turn the first two lines into a sentence would make a big difference as lines three and four form a sentence.
8. The last section of stanza three needs some punctuation.
"thinking of you makes me bold...is a sentence
thank you for being there...needs a comma
for breaking fears freezing hold...needs a comma
giving me the reason to care"...and giving...
This is a beautifully thought out poem, that, with a little work could be dynamic. The imagery you use throughout the poem is stunning. You paint a picture with your words, it just seems you get caught up in creating the imagery to a fault sometimes. It's easy to do. Theses are all suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit.
Rob
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Normally I give indepth reviews, however, this is a thank you poem written for a very good reason. You've said thank you very beautifully. I hope the person who upgraded you saw this.
Good job.
Rob
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I would have to say this is a very good free verse poem. The reason I say free verse is because it does not adhere to a rhyming pattern from start to finish, but this is still beautiful.
(c:red)1. I saw no spelling or grammar errors throughout the poem. 2. Punctuation throughout the poem is very well done as it allows it to flow smoothly for the most part. 3. The one problem I saw was with the following line:
"Is what the circle's all about."...This line seems a little forced, and doesn't flow smoothly, no suggestions. 4. The imagery you use is beautiful. You make it easy to see the dance played out in front of us.
Good job.
Rob
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 1. In line one:
"In the emptiness tween dusk and dawn,"...should be 'tween, and you could probably do without the comma. 2. In line three you may consider a change of adjective as vacant and emptiness give the same feeling, maybe wee hours?...and you could do without the comma after torn. 3. In line six, prescence should be presence. 4. The last two lines of stanza 1 are confusing, you may consider rewording them a bit to make them clear. 5. "Knowing to-morrow"...should be (tomorrow). 6. Line five and six of stanza two can do without the commas as they are coupled with line seven to form one thought. 7. Stanza three: A little rewording to turn the first two lines into a sentence would make a big difference as lines three and four form a sentence. 8. The last section of stanza three needs some punctuation.
"thinking of you makes me bold...is a sentence
thank you for being there...needs a comma
for breaking fears freezing hold...needs a comma
giving me the reason to care"...and giving...
This is a beautifully thought out poem, that, with a little work could be dynamic. The imagery you use throughout the poem is stunning. You paint a picture with your words, it just seems you get caught up in creating the imagery to a fault sometimes. It's easy to do. Theses are all suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit.
Rob
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Nice poem. 1. I saw no spelling or grammar errors. 2. Punctuation allows for smooth flow and transition.
Not sure what part would be my favorite since it is a short poem.
Good job!
Rob
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