Hello Timepilgrim
I'm offering this review because you're a new member. Please remember that everybody has different tastes. This critique is the opinion of only one person and offered in the spirit of constructive criticism with a hope that it will prove useful if you decide to further develop or edit your tale. Approaching your writing, I'm searching for specific elements that I shall address under separate headers.
Hook — does your story opening have something that grabs my attention and makes me want to read on?
Excellent opening hook. The shadow is introduced, and it's creepy as! Any avid reader of this genre would be hooked by that.
Characters — do they feel like real people?
Anna is a well sketched character because she has clear interests that make her feel like a real person, such as her interest in poetry and her sketching. Harold isn't so well presented, even though he's the main viewpoint character as we read, because he doesn't ever think of anything outside of school, like where he wants to go tonight or how he maybe wishes they were studying computer games rather than poetry or something. I didn't find the teacher very plausible. I mean, there are bad teachers in the world, but his attitude was a little unbelievable.
Plot — does your story contain a clear plot with a strong resolution?
The premise is good, about a shadow who appears and causes riots, but there are a few issues with execution. Take the line: She and Harold had forgot about the man who was in the back of the room. - this was a bit weird after both of them had been so freaked out at first. I mean, there's a 'shadow beast' and they're not screaming and running for the hills? Haven't they ever played Slenderman?!  The ending of the story is a little abrupt with no shown explanation of why the other kids (who up until then had appeared to think Anna and Harold were acting weird) suddenly appear to respect and follow them.
Pace — does your story feel like it's going somewhere?
A little slow and the start and a little abrupt at the end, but overall not too bad.
Language and voice — can a reader feel your story?
I can understand the story but you do appear to have wide ranging issues to deal with concerning grammar, punctuation and style. Your narrative would improve if it were more concrete and succinct. I've made a few notes for your consideration:
standing out from the fluorescent lights that hung from the ceiling , - beware stating the obvious in narrative as it adds to word count (thus slowing the pace) but adds nothing to the story. Here, where else would you expect fluorescent lights to be?
The shadow wasn't very tall, standing below 5'10, and it didn't have any eyes or mouth.- two issues. First, with small numbers it's considered better style simply to write them out rather than use numerals, eg. five feet ten. Second, here you say the same thing twice, ie. 'he's not tall' and 'he's five feet ten'. Of course, everybody has their own idea of what's tall and what's short, and to me this would simply be average height rather than 'not very tall', lol. But, once you've stated the exact height in feet and inches, telling us a subjective approximation of his relative height adds nothing to the story.
which for a moment blazed in the gentle rain, before being put out by it. - aim to be succinct and use stronger verbs where possible, eg. which blazed awhile before being extinguished by the gentle rain.
"Woah, that was pretty cool" Said Anna, who gawked with a childlike gaze at the now burnt and broken tree. - two issues here. First, the tag after dialogue is actually part of the same sentence as that dialogue, even if the speech ends with ! or ?. So, here for example, your punctuation should be 'Woah, that was pretty cool,' said Anna, who… You actually repeat the same issue with most of your dialogue, so you might like to take a look at a decent style guide and brush up on punctuation, eg. The Oxford Dictionary of Style. Second, think about viewpoint when making comparisons or creating similes. Here you describe Anna's gaze as childlike. However, they're in school so, in fact, they are children. To say that a child is childlike is a bit weird, lol.
Harold could see clearly that the monster had short hair, brown and a little unkempt. - this is a tad strange. If he's a shadow, how can Harold know what colour his hair is?
"Quiet! Whats with all the noise, - what's = a contraction of 'what is'
Quietly whispered Harold - whispers are usually quiet.
crafting something from nothing from the simple led tip of a pencil. - lead not led.
She had an angry gaze though, watching with jealousy, at least to Harolds knowledge. - Harold's requires a possessive apostrophe. At moments like this, a simile might work better than vague statements about jealousy and viewpoint, eg. She glared at the window like a crow examining a peacock. - terrible example, but do you get what I mean?
The young man looked around, his eyes piercing into the soul of anyone he stared at. - again, you've got to think about viewpoint. To you, the writer, the teacher may appear to be a young man, but to the protagonists' viewpoints he's not, ie. Anna and Harold will think he's a man, but not a young man.
The prison was being assaulted by cannon and shot, the stone being wiped away by the power of led. - lead, but I don't think artillery shells are made of lead anyway.
They couldn't stop thinking about what they had saw. - seen, not saw
"What in the blazing hell are you too doing?!" Shouted the teacher. "I am quite tired of you two! You may be good at the work and such, but you're awful people! I swear, if school doesn't model you into good citizens, then what will? Maybe you should just go home and stay with your stupid mothers and retarded fathers! Now shut up and listen to the story!" - beware over using exclamation marks. The more you use them, the less powerful they become in your narrative. The words you're using in speech make it obvious he's angry without the !!!
Im gonna f***** loose it. - I'm, a contraction of I am, needs an apostrophe.
Settings — have you grounded this reader in 'real' scenes?
I liked the storm and the sounds it made. The classroom setting was clear.
Conclusion — a summary of how this reader personally felt about your story.
If you can tighten up your prose then you'll have a good story. Your main problem, imho, is that Anna and Harold's reactions to the shadow at the moment are implausible. It's something very scary, but they somehow lose their fear as it gets closer and closer.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Since you're a new member of this community, please check out "Invalid Item"  We want to award the best new authors on this site, so please enter either a poem or a short story. Read the rules before posting an entry.
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Best wishes,
Bob 
 
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Basically, you use a hyphen to separate out the repeated initial phoneme of the word, like 'ch' or 'sh' or 'b'. If you're showing stuttering, it's pointless to tell it in the dialogue tag. You've already used 'managed' a few paragraphs up, and it's a stall word.
