Rogue♥Sherri's (rogue_red) Reviews

Rogue♥Sherri

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968 Public Reviews Given

1,024 Total Reviews Given

151

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#3153062

Review of The Monster Sandwich

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi, welcome to WDC

1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there. Well what an interesting idea. I love the attention you have put into thinking about this idea. What this story needs though is a resolution. You never actually get to the point where you discover the truth about the sandwich. The problem is that without resolution this story feels incomplete.
2. The Chores - (5 /5)
The grammar and punctuation are well attended to. Thank you for that.

3. The Reception - ( 3/5)
This is an interesting start and with some work could be a great story. Keep writing!!

Final Rating - (3.6 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

I am a Paper Doll Graduate Reviewer

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#3153059

Review of Chickens

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi, welcome to WDC

1. The Creation - (3.5 /5)
Hi there, this is a great start to an interesting story. I think you have given your characters a great voice which gives them an interesting personality. Don't forget to give the reader a little bit of imagery in the form of descriptions and setting just to fill out the story more.

2. The Chores - (5 /5)
The editing has been done well. Thank you for taking the time to do so.

3. The Reception - ( 4/5)
You are off to a great start and I really enjoyed the fresh new approach. Keep writing!!

Final Rating - (4.1 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

I am a Paper Doll Graduate Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves her RS sponsor
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Proud to be a Rising Star

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus"

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153

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#3153051

Review of a slave of love

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

Rated: 18+

| (2.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi, welcome to WDC

1. The Creation - ( 2/5)
Hello there. Well this is an interesting piece about cruelty and slavery but from an unusual view point. Firstly you need to change the rating to 18+ due to the violence in the content. I think this story could have been very good if some time and attention had been spent on developing it properly.
-The characters are under developed. They don't have names or descriptions for the reader to identify with and there is little reasoning behind their actions.
The plot has huge holes in it. How did the man get the letter, how did the wife write and send the letter if she was left standing on the cliff? The cause of death for the wife is impossible. After three days she would have died from a combination of dehydration and exhaustion. It takes more than three days to become malnourished and muscles wasting also takes extended time. Also, why would the brother buy a slave for his brother if he want to change his brother's cruel nature?
I think that this piece also has sexual undertones, hence the slave wearing a mask.
2. The Chores - (2 /5)
There are quite a few errors in this piece. The title needs to be capitalized and a spell check done. There are also numerous areas where words are missing.

The man’s brother, wanting to bring (the) man out of his new personality,

It(should be She) wasn’t your average slave

“Till I return, I order you to stand in(should be 'still') and to not move from this spot!!”
There are many more but I'm sure you get the idea.

3. The Reception - ( 2/5)
I struggled with this piece as I felt it really needed more attention to detail. It is great that you are exploring writing and I encourage you to continue to express yourself this way.

Final Rating - ( 2/5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

I am a Paper Doll Graduate Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves her RS sponsor
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Proud to be a Rising Star

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus"

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#3151990

Review of Have You Ever?

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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reviewer

Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

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Review!

1. The Creation - ( 5/5)
I just love this poem. The message it conveys is so delicate and playful and yet there seems to be a depth to it, a hidden undertone. I get the feeling that in this piece you are saying so much more than the words allude to. The imagery I get from reading this piece is simply wonderful. As writers I think we strive to interpret the world in a truly unique way. We see things non writers miss. Your poem takes that one step further by showing us as writers that the depth of discovery is limited only by our imagination.

2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
This poem is well edited but there were a few places where the meter and pace were a little off.
Now I am only learning poetry myself so please understand that these are my suggestions only and that I do not suppose to know better than you what works and what doesn't.(my suggestions are in blue)The changes I have suggested a merely a possibility to smooth out the meter.

Have you, I wonder, ever given a try
to see with your ears and hear through your eyes?

Imagine the sound of a tear when you cry
or envision the tenderness of a soft lullaby.

Think of that which may be seen in a sigh
the same might be heard as you watch a kite fly.
Think of what may be seen in a sigh
the same may be heard as you watch a kite fly.

Do you ever listen as thin clouds whisk by,
or visualize the music from a parade nearby?
Do you ever listen as thin clouds breeze by,
or visualize music from parades going by?

You've probably never seen a battle war cry
nor ever heard a river run dry.
I doubt you have seen a battle war cry
nor ever heard a river run dry.

Ponder the sight of sounds way up high
then listen for lightning to flash in the sky.

Won't you, I ask, just give it a try
to see with your ears and hear through your eyes?

3. The Reception - ( 5/5)
Beautiful work and wonderfully creative. I really like your style.

Final Rating - (4.6 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

I am a Paper Doll Graduate Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves her RS sponsor
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Proud to be a Rising Star

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#3151967

Review of Friendship

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

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Review!

1. The Creation - ( 5/5)
Hi there. Wow. See, here is the true beating heart of Kristi. This piece, borne of gratitude for friendships, speaks purely of the value you have in those very special people who have made their way into your heart. You write so beautifully in this piece. It reads effortlessly and with true authenticity.
Aside from the emotional aspect of this piece it stands well on a technical level. You present your topic with a well-worded introduction and then move into explaining why you present it. Your reasoning is sound and not built around emotion but rather you have put the effort into thinking about why some friendships work and what it means to experience them.

2. The Chores - ( 5/5)
Thank you for taking the time to edit this piece well.

3. The Reception - ( 5/5)
I have reviewed other pieces of yours and told you how I sensed some hesitation. I explained that I felt you did not trust yourself to write fiction and this piece proves my point. You write exquisitely Kristi! Every sentence, every word exudes genuine heart and the reader feels the emotion and tenderness with which you wrote this. You are a blessing to your friends, that much I am sure of. Thank you so much for sharing this piece.

Final Rating - (5 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

I am a Paper Doll Graduate Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves her RS sponsor
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#3151939

Review of The Yellow Chevelle

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

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Review!

1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there. Well what a twisted tale!! You have such a vivid imagination and you write action scenes very well. This piece is very well paced with a constant flow of action. The problem for me is that this is one of those "it was all a dream" themes. Basically, if you are going to write an dream as a short story it need a separate plot to house it. Having a dream pose as a story simply doesn't work because, as you know, dreams can be about anything. When a reader goes through the story and bizarre things start to happen the reader either assumes it's a dream and then loses that "Oh, my what is going to happen next" or the get confused as to what is happening. If we take your dream story and crafted a plot to carry it it might go like this.
The female character works at a graveyard as often gets a bit spooked. Her supervisor delights in making things worse by telling scary stories about ghosts and ghouls that he has apparently encountered while working. One day the female character has to work a double shift to cover for the supervisor. (here is where your dream story comes in) Now the reader has no idea whether the female character is being hunted by ghosts and ghouls or whether she is dreaming so they are glued to the story. You have provided a premise where the events in the dream could actually be a real demonic attack. Without the supporting plot there is no reason for the events to possibly be real. The other weakness that comes from not having a supportive plot is that there is very little room for character development within the dream sequence. The reader needs to identify with the protagonist in order to garner that "You go girl" attitude from the reader. We want to root for the good guy but we need to know more about her to empathize with her.

2. The Chores - (5 /5)
This is well edited and I didn't notice any errors, well done

3. The Reception - (3 /5)
Here's the thing. I can feel your hesitation when I read your short stories. The is a real sense that you are not secure in your ability to pull off the story. This gives the piece a stuttering feel. I believe that if you let go and relaxed you would see much more fluidity in your style. You try to follow all the rules of short story writing by describing this and that but it feels forced. I have read some of your non-fiction work at I can see you speaking freely and so eloquently but here there is tension and I believe it is due to you being unsure of your abilities. I really want to encourage you to continue to write short fiction because you are a great story teller you just need to trust in yourself a little more.

Final Rating - (3.6 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

I am a Paper Doll Graduate Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves her RS sponsor
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Proud to be a Rising Star

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus"

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#3146876

Review of True Tones, True Colors

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Really nice work. You need to change the rating though.
" E: Everyone
All Ages
This rating signifies that the content of this item is intended for everyone of all ages. There are absolutely no references to sex (other than gender), drugs, alcohol, violence, cursing (of any kind), derogatory names or any combinations thereof. "

I suggest changing it to 13+

" 13+: Recommended for Readers 13 Years and Older Only
13 and Older
This rating signifies that the content of this item is intended for readers 13 years of age and older and may be inappropriate for any minor under the age of 13. We recommend that supervising adults not allow such minors to read 13+ content. Horror and violence may exist at a moderate level, but do not exceed extreme levels. There may be mild references to sex, drugs or alcohol, but do not exceed extreme levels. Mild swearing may be used, but but no use of the harsher sexually derived words may be found. "

Great work

Maggie

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#3141052

Review of The Sound of Consequences

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi there, I am bringing you this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

1. The Creation - (5 /5)
Hi there. This is another immaculate piece of writing from you Nicki. This story tells of a deaf man who harbors feelings of inadequacy over his missing hearing. Given the opportunity to be rid of his 'weakness' he takes it and with it, the consequences. What I found really interesting was actually a small psychological twist in that I didn't perceive his deafness to be his greatest weakness. In fact, this characters greatest weakness is his damaged self image. He believes himself to be a lesser person because he cannot hear. The bitterness of this infuses his personality and colors his view of the world.
I think you have created a really interesting plot and have borne it full and whole. Great work.

2. The Chores - ( 5/5)

This piece appears to be well edited. Thank you for taking the time to do so.

3. The Reception - ( 5/5)

I was completely riveted by this story. I think the storyline is so very clever and well presented. You have this wonderful ability to create perfect balance within your work to the point where the elements merge seamlessly creating an entirely fluid read.

Final Rating - ( 5/5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

I am a Paper Doll Newbie Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

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#3141034

Review of Mariposa

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

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reviewer

Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi there, I am bringing you this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

1. The Creation - (5 /5)
What a beautiful piece of writing. This story of a woman caught in her depression who is given a sign is fresh and filled with well placed emotion. The plot is perfectly paced to deliver the reader with an absolute gem of a short story. The characters are well fleshed out and detailed and you have infused all the necessary details without leaving the reader feeling intruded upon. I love the touch of setting and how you use it to show more of your main character. This was a really nice touch. This story is tight, no wasted words, just pure story telling at its finest. Awesome work Nicki.

2. The Chores - (5 /5)
This piece appears to be well edited. Thank you for taking the time to do so.

3. The Reception - (5 /5)
I loved it. You pack a real punch with your first line and not once is the reader allowed to recover. You have woven together a wonderfully real and warm story that leaves the reader feeling refreshed and uplifted. I can see why this piece won you such accolades. I can only hope to write so well. Thank you for sharing.

Final Rating - ( 5/5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

I am a Paper Doll Newbie Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves her RS sponsor
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Proud to be a Rising Star

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus"

And the "Queen of Diamonds"-The leader of the Diamonds Group for

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#3141017

Review of Stopgap

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

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reviewer

Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi there, I am bringing you this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

1. The Creation - ( 4/5)
Hi there. This is a very well written story about a young couple on the run after a heist. I really liked the character development in this story. You have created well defined and unique characters that have their own nuances, like Liza and her habit of playing with her hair when she lied. One cannot help but feel drawn to Van as we see this 'bad-boy' with a soft heart. Very well played. The plot is well constructed and cohesive lending itself to a fluid read. This story is quite action-packed and because of this you may need to keep an eye on the use of passive voice narration. It has a tendency to slow down and weaken the action somewhat.

2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
This piece is fairly well edited but there were some missing commas and other edit points which I have offered remedies for.

From now on(,) he’d make better choices.

It got the tension out; made life easier to deal with. (change the semi-colon to a comma as the second half of the sentence is a fragment.)

A minute later(,) she exited without glancing his way.

At the man’s side(,) a small boy Van guessed was about four years old shuffled his feet.

Without warning(,) he spun on the child, wrapping his hand around the boy’s upper arm, and shook him violently.

Liza had pulled the car up to the store front(storefront).

For a suspended moment(,) Van stared at the boy whose

He ran around the top-side(topside)

“Alright, we made it, babe!(Capitalize 'Babe' because it is used as a name.)

Its headlights washed over him as he wrenched free from her grasp, and he watched(,) stone-faced(,) as a cop drove the Studebaker away. (This last sentence is a little awkward because the first part of the sentence two subjects, one of which breaks the other. Also, the cops wouldn't have driven the car away. They would have had it towed for evidential purposes. Try re-writing the sentence like this. "Headlights washed over him as he wrenched free from her grasp, and he watched, stone-faced, as the Studebaker was towed away.")

3. The Reception - (4 /5)
This is a really nice story. It is well thought out and as always, extremely well written. Lovely work and thank you for sharing.

Final Rating - (4 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

I am a Paper Doll Newbie Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves her RS sponsor
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Proud to be a Rising Star

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus"

And the "Queen of Diamonds"-The leader of the Diamonds Group for

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#3140845

Review of The Under-Protective Mother

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

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reviewer

Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi there, I am bringing you this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

1. The Creation - (4/5)
Hi there. This is a very well written piece for the Quotation inspired contest. You have written about a true event regarding a less than ideal parenting situation and your response to it. You have recounted this event very well providing a great backdrop from which to tell this story. This is a great way to place the story and add depth to the overall meaning. My only problem is concerning how well this event actually fits the prompt. In this story you don't actually confront or stand up to the woman concerned but rather a friend of yours does. I know that you were aware of the situation and supported the actions of your friend but in this piece you play a passive role. Secondly I felt the story finished too soon. There is no resolution provided, no outcome. You end the story at the climax without showing the reader what the fallout was from this situation. This is a problem because the prompt for the contest is supposed to inspire a true story of how standing up for something can result in enemies.

2. The Chores - ( 5/5)
This piece appears to be edited.

3. The Reception - (3.5/5)
Although this piece is extremely well written I really didn't have an emotional reaction to it. It seemed to feel a little dry. I think this is because you haven't given the reader any reason to empathize with you. Even though this is a true story the reader still needs to be able to relate to the protagonist (you) on an emotional level to garner that reader relationship. Over all this is a very well written piece though.

Final Rating - (4.1 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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#3139488

Review of Emotional Whispers

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (2.0)

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 2/5)

Hi there and welcome to WDC. I have read through a few pieces in your port and what you lack in skill you make up for in confidence. This piece of prose is a little ostentatious in that you jump through linguistic hoops without really saying much. I firmly believe that great writing is borne on simple wings. Throw away the gaudy baubles and costume jewelry and allow your true beauty to shine. Remember that arrogance is loud whilst TRUE confidence is quiet. Focus on discipline and honesty in your writing instead of showy verbosity.

2. The Chores - ( 2/5)
Avoid the ... that is splattered throughout your work in favour of real grammar and punctuation.
Watch your sentence structure. This line I have included is a great example of too many words saying too little thus lending itself to confusion.

Life is not as simple as that(Period)...(Capitalize)its shadows of grey deform colorful truth (switch "that denies" for 'thus denying')that denies us of happiness.

3. The Reception - ( 2/5)
I really want to see your honest writing. I believe that underneath the showy performance is the ability to write. I hope you decide to grace us with your 'real' work.

Final Rating - ( 2/5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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#3135805

Review of Braving the Rapids

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi there, this is a soaring package review from "Invalid Item"

1. The Creation - (4 /5)
Hi there. You have done an awesome job of presenting this short story with a wonderfully well developed setting. This really helps the reader experience the story in a vivid fashion. I felt that the plot was a little under developed. This may be due to a lack of dialog within the piece. When a short story is entirely written as 'He did this and She did that' the reader is robbed of the most powerful tool at the author's disposal; dialog.
Dialog gives the characters a voice. It allows the characters to become full and unique by giving voice to their personalities. Without this essential ingredient the characters are left in a two dimensional state and fail to support the plot. It is true that all great stories are told by great characters so by forbidding them their voice you in fact limit your story. How wonderful would it be to hear Max whisper encouraging words to Kendra as he leads her safely across the rapids. How much more would the reader appreciate the special quality of this budding romance if we had been privy to their conversations?
This is a beautiful story that is under utilized. With the addition of dialog this story would pack a real punch.

2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
For the most part this story is well edited. Thank you for that.
There is a tendency to over use words like 'and' and 'the'. This interrupts the flow of the read. Also watch for using too many adjectives in a single sentence.
Here is a powerful sentence that is overrun with adjectives. Consider creating two sentences or removing some unnecessary adverbs.
She loved the earthy aroma and the fresh scent of the fir trees that withstood the harsh winter months in this rugged terrain.
Try
She loved the earthy aroma and the fresh scent of fir trees that withstood the harsh winter months in this terrain.

She revered quiet and solitude and longed for a simple and peaceful life. Here, she could have that, if only for a few hours. She would pass an occasional hiker, smile and nod and then continue walking on in silence.
Too many 'and's. Also "an occasional hiker" means someone who hikes occasionally whereas "the occasional hiker" means 'one of some'.
I suggest
She revered quiet and solitude, longing for a simple, peaceful life. Here, she could have that, if only for a few hours. She would pass the occasional hiker, smile and nod, then continue walking on in silence.

Max stepped across confidently and seemingly effortlessly. Grammatically incorrect.

Max stepped across confidently and with seeming effortlessness.

3. The Reception - (3.5 /5)
In spite of being so beautifully written this piece failed to really engage me at an emotional level. I think this is due to that lack of personal investment that comes from dialog. I felt as though something were missing from this piece. I love the way you are able to describe the setting so vividly. That, for me, was a real treat.

Final Rating - (3.8 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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#3135736

Review of The Old Iron Bunk Bed

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi there, this is a soaring package review from "Invalid Item"

1. The Creation - (5 /5)

Now this I really love. There is a beauty and simplicity in this piece that resounds with unfettered writing. In this piece I see the true spirit of warriormom at work. It is interesting when I review several pieces from the same author to see how that writer has developed little nuances particular to them. In this piece I see none of the nervous tension I picked up in your other short stories. In this piece I feel the ease with which you pour out your fondest memory without any concern for approval or making the grade. I don't know why you might feel a little anxious with your other pieces but there is an element of withholding in them that tells me you aren't writing as freely as you are here. I really loved the evocative nature of this piece.

2. The Chores - ( 4.5/5)
This piece appears to be well edited, thank you for that.
If I had to suggest anything it would be a slight rearrangement of the final paragraph.
You wrote:
When summer is over, and I have added a new layer to my own collage, I find my thoughts wandering back to that bunk. When life is hectic, and my mind is burdened with too many decisions, I lie on my favorite bunk near the screen door. I find the peace and serenity that I've come to associate with this camp. It's not just any camp. It's Backwoods Christian Camp--a place where children can play and enjoy good, clean fun. It's a place where children are loved, accepted, and treated with dignity and respect--a place where they can learn about their Creator and the love He has for them. Even the counselors are rejuvenated, and blessed during the week they attend. This very special place creates friendships that can last throughout eternity.

If I can suggest this minor rearrangement. Your final paragraph ought to tie up the information you have already presented. By rearranging the sentences you can achieve this and also improve the flow throughout the last paragraph.

This is not just any camp. It's Backwoods Christian Camp--a place where children can play and enjoy good, clean fun. It's a place where children are loved, accepted, and treated with dignity and respect--a place where they can learn about their Creator and the love He has for them. Even the counselors are rejuvenated, and blessed during the week they attend. This very special place creates friendships that can last throughout eternity. When summer is over, and I have added a new layer to my own collage, I find my thoughts wandering back to that bunk. When life is hectic, and my mind is burdened with too many decisions, I lie on my favorite bunk near the screen door. I find the peace and serenity that I've come to associate with this camp.

3. The Reception - ( 5/5)
A beautifully honest and warm retelling of a favorite place. This piece is warm and ripe with emotion. Here is where you shine my friend! When you write fiction try to use this same 'heart' in your fiction to create that tangible sense of emotion. Awesome work.

Final Rating - (4.8 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment **Thank you Acme for the diet tips *winks*

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#3134242

Review of The Accident

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

Hi, I am a judge for the "Invalid Item"

contest.

1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there and thank you for entering the dialog only contest.
This is piece is about an accident in which the mother is badly hurt. I like that you present a fresh idea and the dialog is fairly smooth but the piece, as a whole, feels a little lacking.

I think you could have addressed the plot a little better because it feels a little flimsy. Technically you have a plot but it lack that necessary component of conflict to really make this a full free standing story . When working with dialog only, the problem is in telling a complete story without the benefit of narration. To be successful the plot needs to be solid, which in this case, is not.
There is a lack of natural speech, colloquialisms and contractions, that are needed to express your characters. This gives the dialog a slightly forced or unrealistic feel. The purpose of creating a dialog only piece is to explore the many ways a writer can express setting, plot and characters without resorting to narration. The use of individual expression and the content of the dialog are a rich medium for achieving this. Many different aspects can be shown through dialog. By using geographical linguistics a writer can show where the speaker is from. By using colloquialisms we can show things like age, education and social standing. I encourage you to explore the boundless possibilities within dialog. Try to develop unique dialogs for each character according to their location, age, social standing and education to help develop fuller characters. Most importantly, maintain the language style particular to that character. You don't have the benefit of narration to indicate who is speaking so their individual styles must carry that burden.

2. The Chores - (4 /5)
There were a few issues with comma usage. In particular when using name titles such as 'Mom'. Also remember "my mother" doesn't need a capital but "Mom" does.

3. The Reception - ( 3/5)
For me this entry just didn't filled the requirement of drawing an emotional response. There seems to be a lack of emotional input giving this item a rather dry feel. The lack of depth in the characterization reduces this pieces to a dialog excerpt rather than a full story. Try exploring your characters and their motivations to effectively produce realistic and moving characters. I suggest that when approaching a dialog only situation that you look to develop a meaningful plot that can be effectively expressed through clear and realistic dialog. I understand that this isn't always easily achieved but with practice it can happen. Good luck with the contest.

Final Rating - ( 3.3/5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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#3114778

Review of The search is on.

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: 13+

| (2.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
You write of a man who is haunted by a female face in his dreams. Then he sees a young girl with the same face and follows her. This story was a little disturbing to me because the main character is forty-five and the girl he follows is young and at school. What is more, the story suggests that because he is decent looking and rich that this behavior was acceptable. I am not sure where you were going with this story but it seems incomplete.

2. The Chores - (1.5 /5)
This story is full of spelling errors and poor punctuation. This website provides a spell checker and there are many websites that can help with grammar and punctuation. Many of the sentences are poorly constructed and do not make sense. There is a lot of work required to bring this story up to scratch.
Here are some examples.
You wrote:
Joe is 45 and single. Had girl friends but none worked for him. He is complex,confused and intelligent. He is talented and is well settled. Lives in a nice posh apartment in Mumbai.
Joe is forty-five years old, single and lives in an expensive apartment in Mumbai. He is intelligent, talented and well-settled. In spite of these facts, Joe is confused after having dated many women but not finding the right one.
This is your dialog.
Its 8 in the mornning and his phone is ringing. Its his mom calling.
"Hi dear how r u", Mom i'm good"
" Is the packing done", "Ya mom"
"Mom I will be talking to you later, bye"
"Joe wait, I just wanted to tell about this call , I got yesterday".
"It was from some Mr Mattew, he is looking for a Match for his daughter".
"She is 35, her husband died 3 years back in an accident"
"Mom, enough, please, don't ruin my day,I am keeping the phone, bye take care".
"Ok son, bye take care and do not forget to call sam, it his aninversary today".

This is how it ought to be written.
It is eight a.m. and his phone is ringing. It's his mom calling.

"Hi, dear, how are you?" Asked his mom.

"I'm good, Mom."

"Is the packing done?"

"Ya, Mom. Look, Mom, I'll call you later, okay?"

"Joe, wait. I just wanted to tell about this call I got yesterday. It was from someone called Mr Matthew, he is looking for a match for his daughter. She is thirty-five, her husband died three years back in an accident."

"Mom, enough, please, don't ruin my day. I am keeping the phone turned off, bye, take care,"

"Okay, Son, bye, take care and do not forget to call Sam; it's his anniversary today."

3. The Reception - ( 2/5)
Creating a short story is a difficult job, and one I can see you struggle with. Well done for a good effort but as it stands, this story is incomplete. When writing short stories, it is important that things move along at a consistent pace. Unlike novels, where you can dedicate a whole chapter to a few minor events, short stories require a lot more action in a smaller space and information regarding characters should be shown rather than told and spread throughout the story instead of crammed into the first few lines. I am happy to offer any assistance I can or link you to someone else if you want. Keeping working on your writing skills as ever bit you learn moves you further to successful writing.

I have included a few basic pointers that may help you construct short stories that are exciting and successful.
The basic elements of a short story are:
• plot: the events that happen and how they are arranged.
Chose events that are interesting, moving, dynamic or meaningful.
• setting: where things happen
Use imagery and descriptions to build a three dimensional world.
• characters: the people in the story
Create characters that will work well within your story. Think about what they look like, what their interests are, how they would react to situations.
• point of view and narrative voice: whose point of view the story is told from and the way the author chooses to tell it
Choose one point of view and stay with it.
• types of prose: exposition, dialogue and other kinds of writing and their uses
Always separate narration and dialog. Make sure your narration is clear.
• scenes and half-scenes: when and how to dramatize the story
Develop your scenes as though you were planning a day trip. Decide what will happen first and why
• form and structure: what shape the narrative has and how the pieces fit together
Be consistent with your structure
• types of story: stories can be about characters, ideas and other things
Decide what it is you want to show your reader.
• genre: categories for fiction, including things like mysteries or fantasy or realism
This is where you decide on the flavor of your story
• reading and revision: the importance of reading other people's work, and how to make yours better
The most effective way to learn how to write well is by reading. Read, read, read...

Final Rating - (2.1 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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#3114777

Review of Fireworks

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 4.5/5)
Okay. You got me. This was an entirely cute romantic little story. You have done a fabulous job of bringing Emily to life for the reader and revealing a new and fresh side to her personality. The entire story was well crafted and beautifully written. You have a strong plot that has all the elements necessary for this to be a great little story. Awesome work. The only suggestion I have is that you look at adding some descriptive prose to add that fuller dimension. It helps for the reader to know what people look like, what the fireworks look like and what the setting looks like. Once you include that within this piece you will have a winner.

2. The Chores - (5 /5)
Perfectly edited and flawless in every way. I am very impressed with your awesome presentation of this story.

3. The Reception - (4.5 /5)
I think you created a wonderful story. I enjoyed the sweet little twist at the end and I think you have great potential as a writer. The opening paragraph was so defiant that I wanted to read on because I couldn't imagine where you were going with it. Awesome job.

Final Rating - (4.6 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

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#3114774

Review of Just Like Grandpa

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - (4.5/5)
Welcome to WDC. I thoroughly enjoyed this story. You write of your visits with your grandfather and the memories you shared. You write very well and I was completely drawn in and touched by your words. The only part that I had a problem with was where you said that you were now in the same rest home as your grandfather. You described the rest home as having peeling paint back then, which I am guessing was seventy years ago. Given this it is hard to reconcile that the same building would still be in use. If you had said you were in a place the same as your grandfather I would have totally believed it. The grandfather's character was delightful and real so you did a great job of bringing that to life for us.

2. The Chores - (3.5 /5)

You need to watch your sentence structures which became a little confusing at times when you mixed dialog with narration. be sure that dialog is always started in its own paragraph. Also I noticed you tended to neglect capitalizing titles such as Mom and Dad. Remember if you say my mom, no capital. If you say Mom, then it has a capital.

3. The Reception - (5 /5)
I just loved this story and with a little bit of work this story will be a fantastic piece of writing. I really want to encourage you to continue to work on this and I look forward to reading more from you.

Final Rating - (4.3 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

I am a Paper Doll Newbie Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

loves the writing's of Stephanie Grace

I am a newbie mentor for the The Angel Army
Check out my new contest
you could win 155,000 GP's and more!

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#3114772

Review of Joseph's secret

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 5/5)
Hi there and welcome to WDC. This is a very clever and well written story you have created for us to enjoy. The plot is perfectly formed and the reader is lured along at a delightful pace only to be left smiling at the finish line. I am very impressed with the quality of your characters for this work. I found them to be believable and totally realistic. You have supported the characters supremely with amazing dialog and woven all of these elements together to create a really enjoyable short story. What a fantastic job you have done.

2. The Chores - ( 4.5/5)
Just a few minor bits and pieces for editing.

"Okay, whatever Joe, what the hell am I going to do now?", she asked again, impatient.<<No comma after speech marks.

With that(,) Tara heard the click of the phone signaling the end of their conversation.

Tara Stewart sighed, removing her glasses to rub her eyes and stood from her desk.<<Watch your tenses. Try to keep common tenses together. Try "Sighing, Tara Stewart removed her glasses, rubbed her eyes, and stood from her desk."

Besides(,) Kelly and Travis would surely be at each

I wanted it ti(to) be a surprise.

3. The Reception - ( 5/5)
I loved it. You have done an awesome job of securing the reader early on and have kept them hooked all the way through. I think you are someone to watch on WDC.

Final Rating - (4.8/5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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#3114771

Review of Remember

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 4/5)
Hi there and welcome to WDC. The idea behind your story is quite unique and creative which allows for a good premise for this story. The problem here is that already there are gaps that create confusion which is never a good thing so early into a novel. The pace is far too quick for a novel considering this is just the first chapter. I found the POV you use to write this adds to the confusion. The unlimited omniscience point of view allows the author to write from every characters point of view. For the reader it is hard to figure out who is thinking what. I found the characters to be a little anorexic at this point and was initially wary of Josie/Jodie. It didn't help that you kept confusing her name either. The dialog isn't very realistic and this detracts from the great story line.

2. The Chores - ( 3/5)
There are quite a few errors in this piece. With dialog you should use "these" speech marks and you need to check up on your grammar.
The sentence structure needs a lot of work as well. There are fragmented sentences and some sentences just don't make sense at all. Spend some time going through this chapter and getting familiar with the appropriate punctuation and grammar.

3. The Reception - (4 /5)
I think this story has a lot of potential and if your tighten it up could have a great novel. Keep plugging away and if you need any help please feel free to email me.

Final Rating - (3.6 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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#3114765

Review of Searching

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there and welcome to WDC. Writing about such a traumatic experience as finding a lost birth parent isn't easy and you have done well to capture the emotion of the moment. I think the story is far too short given the intensity of the situation. Try to look at this as a personal experience and extend it and the characters. In one line you said the the characters had spent 20 of their 25 years looking for their mother. I find it hard to believe that five year old children would be able to search for a birth mother.

2. The Chores - (4 /5)
You have done a great job at editing this piece and presenting such a tidy example. Thank you. There are a couple of small errors but nothing major.

The idea that my mown(own) mother would run from me killed me inside.

3. The Reception - (3 /5)
Even though this was a touching story I felt like the plot was under developed. The story doesn't seem to go anywhere and I was left feeling confused about what had happened. Try thinking through the plot again and extending it. You may find you have a great story in the making.

Final Rating - (3.3 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

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Rogue♥Sherri

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#3114763

Review of Forbidden Lovers

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there and welcome to WDC. Here we have a classic Romeo and Juliet story complete with rival families. Unfortunately this story has nothing about it to create a fresh or unique perspective. You write quite well so now you need to find your own unique story to tell.

2. The Chores - ( 5/5)

This piece is perfectly edited, well done.

3. The Reception - ( 3/5)
This is a romantic tale but I found the characters and the plot unbelievable. Even though love at first sight is a romantic idea it doesn't make for great story lines. I believe you can create wonderfully unique stories of your own.

Final Rating - (3.6 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

I am a Paper Doll Newbie Reviewer

Rogue♥Sherri

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#3114761

Review of You Beat Him Up For Me?

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

"Simply Positive Review Forum " and "Invalid Item"

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reviewer

Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there and welcome to WDC. This is a quirky and cute story about teenage love and heartache. You have created a lovely story with quite a good plot line. The characters are believable and the story is well thought out. You have done well to include good descriptions.

2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
Keep an eye on how you structure your sentences. Some of them are fragments. They are easy to spot because, if you read them on their own they wont make sense. This story is well presented and you have done a great job of editing it.

3. The Reception - ( 3/5)
I enjoyed reading this fun little story and I think you will do well with your writing.

Final Rating - (3.3 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

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Rogue♥Sherri

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I am a newbie mentor for the The Angel Army
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#3114752

Review of Chapter 1 of Short Story not yet titled

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 4/5)
Hi there and welcome to WDC. You have chosen to write about your struggle with cancer and I applaud your efforts. It is not an easy topic to write about especially from someone as young as yourself. I understand that this piece is incomplete so I would like yo offer some suggestions for your continued work. Try to plan how you would like to approach your subject. Decide if you want to tell it from the illness point of view or from the teenager having her life stolen point of view. Either one will give you a great piece but be sure to have it planned out for a consistent read.

2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
When you write dialog the generally accepted rule is to start each person's dialog on a new paragraph. This makes for a much easier and clearer read.

3. The Reception - ( 4/5)
This piece is progressing okay. At the moment it is a little fragmented because you start in the middle of a medical scene and the reader has no idea why except for the sub-title. Your piece should speak for itself. Plan and write and you will be fine. Good luck and keep writing.

Final Rating - (4 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

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Rogue♥Sherri

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I am a newbie mentor for the The Angel Army
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#3114748

Review of The End

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Welcome to your Rogue review

I am a

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reviewer

Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.

1. The Creation - ( 4/5)

Hi there and welcome to WDC. You have a unique and highly creative writing style that is totally hypnotic. Given the appropriately structure piece, such a style will bode you well. The problem I have with this mini-fiction is this; although you have a plot (a simple one) you do not have a purpose. A good plot is more than just a series of events, conflict, and resolution. There must be a purpose, a reason why the plot is there in the first place. You have created exquisite images but they represent nothing more than a finely quaffed poodle. They are fancy for no reason. I adore your writing style but do not mistake eloquence for great writing. When you use words like 'languidly' and 'incongruity' you are doing yourself no favors. Learn to create beauty from dirt and stones and bracken, then you have learned what real beauty is.

2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
This piece is well edited. Thank you for that. This piece could use a little spreading out just to make it a bit easier on the reader. My other suggestion is to shorten your sentences. Several times I had to go back and re-read a sentence because I lost myself in its length. This sentence here is fifty words!

My interest grazes tapestried walls where one might expect to find a grandfather clock, dusts across carved mahogany side tables piled high with books and crystal ashtrays (of which I am not conscious), and finally climbs a great mantle, nearly two men high, above a fireplace giddy with dancing flames.

Try this instead.

My interest grazes tapestried walls where one might expect to find a grandfather clock and dusts across carved mahogany side tables piled high with books and crystal ashtrays (of which I am not conscious). My sight finishes its journey as it climbs a great mantle, nearly two men high, above a fireplace giddy with dancing flames.

3. The Reception - ( 3/5)
I absolutely love the fluidity and grace with which you write but such eloquence without substance is merely vain trimmings. You are capable of so much more. I look forward to seeing you grow as you continue to write.

Final Rating - (3.6 /5)
*Score is based on Average of the three categories

Comment

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I am a newbie mentor for the The Angel Army
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