See "Invalid Item"  for more details on my reviewing form.
Basic Structure - 4 of 5 stars
I chose structure as the first part because I feel that it is the foundation of your piece. Good structure keeps the piece clean and easy to read. I have found that few reviewers bother with pieces filled with bad spelling and poor punctation because it is just too hard to wade through.
 Correct Item. – I would almost label this an essay, but it works fine as a short story.
Spacing. – Double spaced between every paragraph for easy reading. Thanks!
Dialogue. – Watch your dialogue punctuation. ”Ok Mom, I'll be ready soon." I said. should have a comma after soon, not a period. The same with " Make him a new belt, or a belt buckle." She whispered back (you also repeat ‘whispered back’ in the next line)
Punctuation. – Just one punctuation error that I noticed.
Double ending. came to visit us, ever!.
Spelling. – Many of your spelling mistakes are not ones that the spellcheck would catch; they are mainly in pluralization. It will take a careful read to catch them.
five minute's{/s} minutes
from the Teacher lowercase because it is an occupation here, not a name (from Teacher).
family's families; here you are possessive; our family’s car; vs. we love our families
snow covered snow-covered
always's always
Christmas eve, tonight Caps on Eve (no comma)
Grammar. – No grammar errors noticed.
Intermediate Structure – 3 of 5 stars
Sentence construction. – You have a lot of structural errors in your sentences. You also have some beautiful imagery.
Be careful for awkward phrases. for Dad to get home, and my brothers would work just as well as for Dad and my brothers to get home
Today is our last day of school and everyone is going home for Christmas vacation. Two things. First, you start with the present tense (is), then later switch back to the past tense. I would choose a tense – preferably past – and stay with it. Second, this is the first sentence of your story, the one you want to hook interest in, so you may want to look at some ways to make it a bit stronger.
Avoid repetition. Kristy had one pair of mittens and we shared one when she let me put my hand inside of one of her mittens. Also, the wild choke cherries that grew wild during the summer. These are just two examples, there are a few more.
A tough one here for the repetion: My Ina (mother) glanced around the table with the same look she gave us all every year and paused before asking what we would like for Christmas this year. I looked around the table Double repeat.
I flashed my brand new pair of white socks out for all to see contradicts then I hid my new socks
Watch out for verb agreement. mom would dry and grind down into flour, mix with her other flour she got once a month and made fry bread with it. This should be ‘make’; watch the tense.
Try to avoid using ‘to be’ (is, was, are) when possible. Don’t stretch it to sound awkward, but for example Dad was soon to follow, about five minute's later. sounds better when its Dad followed about five minutes later (note the deletion of the comma & apostrophe)
Try to avoid run-on sentences like Our family was huge, not only would all of our names be in the hat but also all of our Auntie's, Uncle's and cousin's would be added too.
Our family had done the gift picking the same way for as long as I could remember Then why ask?
This sentence doesn’t make any sense: he got back the leather shop behind the school he went to.
This is great imagery! felt so happy that my feet danced beneath me in fast, light steps and I held my shawl out letting the fringe fly through the air. I really loved it.
Paragraph construction. – Some of your paragraphs contain a great deal of info squashed into one small space. For instance, here is how I recommend breaking this one up:
It took over an hour and a half to get home and all dring the drive back, Kristy and I whispered, giggled and made faces at each other as we tried to imitate Sister Grace on one of her bad day's. Sister Grace had a bad day everyday, and this was more fun because she couldn't catch us making faces now. I got dropped off first and my mother was waiting for me at the front door of the house smiling. I waved to my mom, then to Kristy, Auntie Annie and Uncle Wally. Uncle Wally could never be missed no matter where he went, and was the only one who had a pair of purple pants on the whole reservation. Anytime we would refer to Uncle Wally about anything, he was always known as the 'guy with the purple pants.' I’m not sure about the ‘Uncle Wally’ comment, perhaps you should consider putting it when they are picked up?
Oops! {indent{I think Auntie Need to fix your WTML. Also, I would consider keeping part of this paragraph with the previous one. Finally, only about half your paragraphs are indented, so you should correct that so they are consistant.
Progressiveness of Story. – The story progresses slowly towards Christmas Day. This is more of an expository piece, describing a different way of celebrating the holidays, and I enjoyed reading it and learning about it. However, the pace is somewhat plodding – not necessarily a bad thing, and I think it works for this piece.
Content – 3.5 of 5 stars
Plot Strength. Because this was mostly expository, there wasn’t really a plot; you were showing. It carried well but I think that it was a bit long because of all the details.
Character definition. – The characters are fairly flat, but you manage to convey the excitement and anticipation they feel towards the Christmas holiday.
Our teacher stapled some paper together with red and green covers made out of construction paper. Sister Grace At first I thought these were two different people. Perhaps Sister Grace, our teacher for the first one, then ‘she’ for the second?
Language. – You have good language and, as I said, some very great images. we would sit on the floor and make presents, the old ladies would sit at the table and cut squares and diamonds out of fabric to sew into their quilts, and the boys would be outside playing. a lovely description. (though this is a run-on; I would actually cut it in two, breaking at ‘presents’.
Reaction. – I was interested in the piece and felt I learned a lot from it. I didn’t particularly empathize with the girls, but I realized how much I take for granted – like Santa Claus and the Christmas tree.
Flow – 4 of 5 stars
Sentence flow. – Your sentences flow well; once the errors are removed they will be supurb.
Paragraph flow. – For the most part, your transistions are logical and smooth, though, as mentioned earlier, I would recommend reviewing your paragraphs to make sure your breaks are correct.
Progression. – The piece progresses logically and smoothly through the holiday and on toward Christmas.
Overall: You have beautiful images and great detail. There is no doubting the realism apparent here. This would be a great piece to insert parts of into a full-fledged story.
3 suggestions for improvement: I always suggest three points for improvement. These are the biggest things that need addressing in ascending order.
Suggestion #3 - Keep your tenses in the past, don’t switch them.
Suggestion #2 – Be careful of run-ons and fragments.
Suggestion #1 – Watch out for repetition.
Star Total: 14.5
Averaged: 3.625
Rounded: 3.5
{item: 789183}
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Seriously, well done. Your characters were well-developed, your dialogue smooth, and the action clean and shap.