This is a very interesting story about an unlikely friendship. See "Invalid Item"  for more information on my reviewing techniques.
Basic Structure – 4.5 of 5 stars
 Correct Item. – This is correctly labeled as a short story
Spacing. – Double-spaced between paragraphs for easier on-screen reading
Dialogue. – No dialogue tag errors that I saw
Punctuation. – As I grew older I found myself thinking of dear old Mabel. comma after ‘older’
a recipe for her apple pie, some apple seeds and a letter comma after ‘seeds’
Yours Lovingly comma after ‘Lovingly’
Spelling. – once glorious hyphenate
Grammar. – No grammatical errors that I saw
Intermediate Structure – 3 of 5 stars
Sentence construction. – You have a couple of sentences that are awkward and unweildy. Your two most common mistakes are to repeat yourselves and to use run-on sentences. I have tried to point these errors out to you.
She was a nice old lady with a lot of spunk, for her age. The last part is a little awkward; I would consider removing the comma and possibly even with a lot of spunk for someone her age
I cried for days but left it at that. This is awkward and abrupt. Her close friend of many years died, and so she cried, but the “left it at that” is just sort of an brusque conclusion to the crying.
Like mine was because of you. This is a fragment, consider merging with the sentence before it
You occasionally repeat yourself.
She was also unable to cook the apple pie so, I took on the task of cooking the pie
She would sit at the table watching and helping me. After a few tries and always under her watchful gaze, my pies were almost as good as Mabel’s famous apple pie.
You have a couple of run-on sentences.
Mabel's face would light up as I walked through the creaky old gate, the twinkle in her eyes would almost come back. perhaps join with an and
One day, a few months before my eleventh birthday, I came home from school, my mother sat me down and told me I couldn’t go around to Mabel's house anymore.
She told me Mabel had rheumatoid arthritis and was in a lot of pain, her condition worsened as she grew weaker and then her heart gave out.
I have enclosed my recipe for apple pie, which we used quite often, some apple seeds for you to plant if you wish I would insert ‘and’ before ‘some’
Paragraph construction. – For the most part, your paragraphs are well put-together and concise. However, there are a couple of paragraphs that could use some improvement.
My next-door neighbour, Mabel, started getting sick when I was quite young. This is your introductory sentence, and it does a good job of encouraging me to read the piece. However, the rest of the paragraph doesn’t fit with it; you go on to describe Mabel, rather than her sickness, something that might be suited for the second paragraph. Or, you might consider adding a sentence to the effect of Things changed a lot when she was sick (not standalone, too awkward), or merging that with the first; My next door neighbor, Mable, changed a great deal when she got sick. Then when you begin describing her, add a Before her illness, she… clause.
You contradict yourself. I would still go over to Mabel’s house to pick the apples as I grew older, but after a while Mabel was no longer able to take the long walk down to the trees. She was also unable to cook the apple pie so, I took on the task of cooking the pie and picking the apples. It is unclear whether you frist started picking and then LATER started baking, or if you did it all at once.
When I turned eighteen my mother handed me an envelope. She told me Mabel asked her to give it to me on my eighteenth birthday. You repeat yourself here. I would possibly try merging the two of these
Progressiveness of Story. – The story progresses logically through Mabel’s incapacitation and death. I have to wonder how old Rose was when Mabel got sick (ie how long did she know her before her sickness). You base a great deal around birthdays: We even made a special one for my tenth birthday, a few months before my eleventh birthday, on my eighteenth birthday You do manage one imprecise “when I was fourteen”. The occurance of significant events around her birthday is unlikely and sort of odd. It’s also not really necessary; if you point out how old she was when Mabel got sick and then when Mabel died, we get a generalized idea of the progression of the illness.
Content - 5 of 10 stars
Plot Strength. – You have a nice, sentimental plot – a girl helping her neighbor through the last days of her life and being a true friend – but it needs more to draw us in. Your telling, while logical and linear, is sort of like following a time-line. We see little feeling in the narrator’s heart, something different from the outward emotions she displays. For instance, in addition to crying, I’d like to see if she carried sorrow with her, though of Mabel often, etc. Did she sniff a little whenever she saw an apple blossom or a piece of pie? How did she feel? Make us feel the same way.
Your conclusion also leaves us a little wanting. Mabel’s letter, while very kind, was nothing she couldn’t have said while she was alive. Nor do I understand why she wanted to wait until Rose was 18. Such a request builds tension, but the actual letter – a very nice “thank you” note – leaves us a little flat. Even if you end with the character’s realization that she … what? Has learned? Will plant the apple trees in her yard and share the recipe with neighborhood children? Would rather be hanging out with an old lady than her college-bound buddies? What was her reaction to the letter?
Character definition. – Your characters are a little stilted. The narrator specifically shows little actual emotion, particularly for someone telling the story. We see the results of the emotion – tears, etc – but we don’t get much of the feelings within her heart. How did her life change? Why did she decide to stick with Mabel? Surely it’s not what most ten and eleven year old girls would do (they’re just starting to notice boys, who are usually preferential to eighty-year-old ladies).
Mabel, also, doesn’t get much detail. Short of her hair and eyes, we don’t get to see her much. Why not describe the way her hands lay, crab-like, on the table, or how she winced whenever she tried to hand Rose a spoon or pick up an apple from the ground? Help us to visualize her. Show us her grief – how she was depressed when diagnosed, maybe gave up hope, then found it again through Rose’s visit. In short, show us the things the letter said, and help Rose to grow/change/realize something. Make the characters more alive.
Language. – You use clear, concise, crisp language to convey the scene, but you leave out much in the form of imagery. You have a great number of possibilities – the apple trees, for one, which are quite beautiful in the spring. The making of the pies, either before or after – scents, conversation, feelings. What did Mabel’s kitchen look like? How long of a walk was it to the trees? Help us better visualize the scene and the story – and the characters – will come to life more.
Reaction. – This was a bittersweet tale. I like how you teach the “it’s good to stand by those in need” lesson, but I think you could better illustrate it with more details. Also, as I said, the conclusion leaves us in sort of a lurch, which doesn’t help us when we come away from the story; it could be strengthened somewhat.
Flow – 3.5 of 5 stars
Sentence flow. – There are a number of errors in your sentences which break up the flow and keep the reader form truly becoming part of the tale (see the ‘Intermediate Structure’ section for more details).
Paragraph flow. – For the most part, the sentences in your paragraphs work well together. You don’t jump from one subject to the next within a paragraph; you stay on-topic.
Progression. – Your progression through the story is a bit jerky. You jump from one era to the next, with little in the form of transition. Taking out the birthday references will help to make something of a difference in the leaping, and will actually smooth your story out somewhat.
3 suggestions for improvement:
Suggestion #3 - Watch out for awkward sentences, especially those with repetition and run-on sentences.
Suggestion #2 – Take out the sharply defined birthday notations, which break the story into fragments.
Suggestion #1 – Include more details. Help us to come to know the characters, so that we will relate to and empathize with them.
Overall: This is an interesting story with a great moral. I like the way Rose stuck by Mabel and helped her out in her time of need. You did a great job avoiding most spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors, which is terrific.
Star Total: 16.0/25
Averaged: 3.2/5
Rounded: 3.0
Write on!
SG
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The nature-good scent is further tightened by her mother’s incense. 
, I can easily see the point you are making. I like your notation to double check on avoiding state-of-being verbs. One thing I did not see - and that is probably because this is more to help those who "is" and "good" everything - is the notation that such words (particularly alternatives to "said") can be overused. I was taught - and have been told many times since - that to overuse those synonyms can be equally dangerous. Overall, you do a great job of providing alternatives to the writing reader, and giving a warning in regards to potential flat pieces they may be creating.
