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975 Public Reviews Given
995 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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201
201
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


What a sad and bittersweet story this is. You have poured your emotion and awareness into this and it is well-done. I am sure it will evolve, but it is good for now. Keep writing!

Ideas from me and those darned typos!
*Smile*I know, something for everyone!*Smile*

and leant her small pudgy hand against the unyielding marble colum to steady her descent to
column
little figure in hre grasp. her

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
202
202
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


A wondrous tribute. A statement of sadness and of release and freedom. Thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. It flows haltingly with all the punctuation, different than many of your other poems, but our acceptance of such tragedy flows haltingly as well. What can we say about the life of another when they are gone? Only that we saw something, a glimpse of the moon perhaps, in the surprisingly short flash that life is.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
203
203
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


I have spent many hours putting my presence behind the eyes of animals and other beings. *Exclaim*Becoming a rock or tree or badger, becoming a mouse or an owl teaches us a lot about who we are and who we may free ourselves to become.

Thanks for sharing this bit of transference. The mouse symbolizes attention to detail and scrutiny in many Native American lore and in other cultures as well. You have done well in conveying the limited scope of the mouse's focus. *Star**Star**Halfstar**Star**Star*

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
204
204
Review of Yes, redbuds sing  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift3* Hi! *Gift4*


Beautiful poem. Great wisdom.

I love redbud trees. We notice them more when they are in their radiant splendor, but they are always with us. Kind of like angels... *Smile*

Your poetry is like the redbud as well. It sits here in its folder as we whiz by on our websurfboards, ignorant of the rest stops along the way. Thanks for creating a rest stop for me today.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
205
205
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


Thanks for this beautiful insight into the life of your sweet friend and the admiration and love you have for her. Many of us have lost our ruby slippers, but it's okay, because our *Heart* hearts *Heart* have never left home.

They do, you know. The cornfields hear our laughter and respond to them. I had a friend who was in a rock band that practiced in an old barn out between fields of corn and cattle. They would play in the afternoons and when they came out, all the cattle were by the fence, they be jamming.

The farmer came and got the musicians one day before he harvested the field to show them how all the stalks were leaned toward the barn! *Bigsmile* Our joy can affect the whole world, piece by piece!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
206
206
Review of At two  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


Just wandering around, thought I would stop by your port for a little while. I picked up this warm blanky left in the sun by a two year old and wrapped it around me. Thanks so much for displaying the best of the best. It is a refuge for one such as I who read and review for fun and games and am disconcerted at times!

Your poetry and living in the moment astonish and comfort me! Thanks for being and thanks for sharing.

BTW, this is an absolutely awesome poem. Just for a smile and a warm fuzzy? You accomplished that. Hidden between the lines is an amazing amount of life experience.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
207
207
Review of Crickets  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


This is a fun poem. I like it. My favorite is
The chorus keeps rhythm with fiddlers
To produce sharp whole notes that hang on grass tips

I just long for more punctuation to give it more form and rhythm! I also wish it was a little longer, but I know how it is to write something short and just let it be. Sometimes it seems there is nothing more to say!

Thanks for sharing!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
208
208
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon3* Hi! *Balloon6*


I like it! I like the visual stimulation encouraged by your choice of words. Thanks for sharing this poem with us!

Ideas and those darned typos
An incandesscent yellow streak across a
newborn sky with promises incandescent
I think this phrase would flow more elegantly without the word "with". It leaves a suspense which is contained in the following lines. (Just an idea.)

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*


209
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Review of Cloud Watching  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloon3* Hi! *Balloon1*

My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I like the subject matter and the emotions expressed in this story. To add a better flow to the piece, the incomplete sentences could be punctuated differently or made into phrases of complete sentences. Reading this aloud would probably help get more of a feel for places in need of a little help.

Ideas and those nasty typos!

The coccoon was soft but firm. cocoon
How she longed to see those peaks; to fly among those clouds. Just a question from an inquiring mind*Wink*; how did she know she could fly?
So the little butterfly ate and fed and became strong. Ate and fed are the same -- perhaps ate and drank or ate and rested?
entertained the idea of settling down with many of the butterfly communities Maybe with 'one of the many' or 'with one of the butterfly communities'.
So enourmous it seemed to her miniscule body. enormous
Finally , When at last her wings gave out when
With a little determination, she eventually pulled herself through the layer of clouds, *Smile* At this point of the story, I believe 'a little determination' is an understatement.
Then slowly, almost deliberately, it descended into the clouds below. "almost deliberately' doesn't match the flow of words and I find I am unable to understand the meaning of this statement.
The adults, at first interpreting the children's gleeful yells as imaginary exaggeration, noticed it soon after. 'imaginary exaggeration' is awkward, maybe something which means the exuberance of youth.

I like this bit of prose! Let me know when you have worked on it a while and I'll reread it!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
210
210
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon5* Hi! *Balloon5*

My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


This poem is so romantic and so special! I would advise changing the rating to 18+, although it is entirely your call, there are strong innuendos, but no blatant graphic language or content.

I found no spelling errors and felt it has an excellent flow and rhythm. Very nice!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
211
211
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* Hi! *Heart*


This is like a beautiful song from your heart. You have included so many of the things that make your relationship with your Lord special that it just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. It is such a special time of the year, with Easter just passed, to think about Jesus and our relationships with Him.

Thanks for sharing!
*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
212
212
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*

Wow! I haven't seen snow in a long time, but you took me back to snowball fights and right into this interesting story. I really enjoyed this and will be moving on to read the rest of the segments!

Those nasty typos!
Robyn's phone call from the car as they raced the many snowy miles towards the sanctuary of the mansion convince him to make an exception in this case. convinced

the pungent aroma of cinnamon made mouths water in anyone walking by the guest kitchen that day. this is a bit awkward

Thanks for the sweet read. You are so good at making a spot of peace inside me when I *Reading* read what you write!

Write on!
213
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Review of Wolfbond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Balloon3* Hi! *Balloon4*

It would be a good thing to change the subtitle -- under 7k is not long at all -- a lot of people have items running over 3 times as long. Put something to get people hooked to come and look at it! Lots of us will stay to read!

Grunts and irregularly timed snores could distinctly be heard between, a wolf's painful gasps and moans. don't need the comma

Propping the stick in his wolf’s mouth, Grimwülf picked at something inside until a huge chunk of meat came flying out of the dog-smelling mouth. perhaps foul-smelling mouth. (and what was going on with the wolf anyway?)

A small cadaverous looking man came out from behind a tree and sniggered, followed by an old, definitely out of shape, brown wolf, with gray strands of fur, sometimes patched could be seen on his body that have no fur at all. perhaps 'followed by an old decrepit brown wolf with grey patches of fur on his mangy coat.'

It's a good idea to run a spell check for most of the typos, but altar is the correct word for where ceremonies take place.

Is this the first chapter to a longer work? There are some definite indications of a deeper storyline! Readers want to be entertained and informed. You might want to read back through it aloud or just slowly and see where others could use some help understanding the plot.*Smile* You'll get there, you have a good imagination.

Also, you might want to consider separating paragraphs with blank lines, to make it easier to read.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
214
214
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloon4* Hi! *Balloon5*

Thanks for this article. I am new and at first what I found was *Reading* if I didn't like an item, I just didn't rate or review it. I am *Reading* finding going back and *Reading* delving into what I didn't like has actually helped me with my *Reading* reviews!

The other thing that has happened to me is in the beginning I was giving fours and four and a halfs ONLY. This article has helped me to look at it differently. I haven't given anything below a three yet and I won't give below a four without a good review to go with it. If I can't tell them what didn't seem to work, how will they be able to develop into a writer I like to read?

So, I am reading these pointers about reviewing over and over. I've done 300 reviews since the end of March, so with that many (I must tell you, I had the flu and propped myself up and reviewed the heck out of the site!) with that many, I say, I am beginning to get a handle on how to talk about what worked and what didn't work. I consider this a direct result of the great reviews I have gotten, with pointers and info galore!

Thanks for this site and the fun it is to find other writers!
*Reading* Read and Write On!
215
215
Review of An Aside  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Gift3* Hi! *Gift3*

What fun!
Are you new? I am a reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon
You might want to join in the Newbie Challenge!

I think it is fun to bring in the quotes from The Bard.

The last line here is a little ragged,
And would you know what I'm talking about
If I were to say
"That nature pranks her, in attracts my soul" (12th night)
Even if you didn't I'd make sure that you know.

All in all, a good poem.
Write on!
216
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Review of A Heartbeat Away.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* hi! *Heart*

What a bittersweet and beautiful poem! You have captured that feeling that we have of division and sadness and loneliness and a desire just to hear the voice of the beloved one more time.

Idea: perhaps remove the word both
Remember the jokes that we laughed at,
Remember both the good and the bad,
Please think of me often and fondly,
And try not to feel too sad.

Idea: The last two lines are a little ragged...
Remember the things I believed in,
God is caring for me and for you,
Count your blessings, is no idle phrase,
They plant love's precious seeds anew.

Write on! I'll be *Reading*
217
217
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Gift3* Hello! *Gift4*

Thanks for the fun! Hee hee! I love this piece. It makes me want to go and get a peppermint filled candy right now!

I loved the way you used all the senses and the pleasure (and displeasrure) of the lady!

Write on!
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218
Review of Lake Wickaboag  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

This is another gentle piece. Memories are so incredible, for your memories take you back to places as if you have never left and they take me back to places in my life as well. Somehow, in some strange twist, your memories take me back to places you remember!

*Heart*I love it! This is my favorite line. *Heart*
Blue children running out onto the beach, though, were a common sight.
Write on!
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Review of The Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon3* Hi! *Balloon4*

This is a wonderful mini-vacation to all the pools and ponds we've discovered off the beaten path. This work would be very fitting in a larger story, for it is an essay on something living and vibrant that provides a respite for nature.
I found no errors in spelling or grammar.
I *Heart**Reading* such sweet and gentle writing.
Write on!
220
220
Review of Sojourner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon3* Hi!
My name is Denise and I am a reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


This is a wonderful heart-filled essay. I like the way the speaker states clearly what an active role in the sojourn would include.

Idea:
Consistency within the poem: Come life, the universe calls, perhaps proceeding on to Come, brothers and sisters instead of switching to you and them.

Also, there is a tug with the words like mitochondria and disequilibria to have a richer vocabulary throughout, for example substituting to rejuvenate or to be reborn in for to come back as a blade of grass.

Thanks for sharing this. Reworking it for consistency would be a good exercise and might change the work's ability to create additional interest.

Idea: perhaps a colon instead of an exclamation point (then again, maybe not *Smile*
I want to live fully alive! Walking the paths of earth as a sojourner with my fellow seekers.

Tense -- spirit of all -- longs
The spirit of all of us who journey here long for the fulfillment of our life.

Write on!
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Review of Smiles  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloon4* Hi! *Balloon3*
My name is Denise and I am a reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I like this poem. It is very sweet and flows very well. The lack of punctuation paired with the division between paragraphs gives a dreamy quality to the words. The rhythm you have set by the way you sectioned the words on lines and in stanzas preserves the dreamy floaty thing.

Thanks for sharing with us! *Heart*

I found no errors in spelling or grammar.
The last two lines had a little bit of raggedness in them, you might consider them and see if you can tell what it might be... but then again, perhaps it is something I would notice, but no one else would.

Write on!
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Review of Wee Davy  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!
What a great little story! You have a real grasp on what kind of details make a story fun and interesting. The place where the challenge is in this piece is attention to detail. The first two sentences of the second paragraph clash with the rest of the paragraph. There are a few grammar errors, but they seem to stem from the lack of a good thorough review of where the sentences end (add periods) and what they intend to say.

Why was he called Wee Davy? Well that’s any ones guess, his parents and six brothers and sisters all struggled to reach five-foot-six. Some say it started when his Auntie Mary first saw him in the family box cradle by the turf fire.

Example: Why was he called Wee Davy since his parents and sisters all struggled to reach five-foot-six. It's anyone's guess, but some say it started...

Also, there are dialect and non-English words which should be set off with italics. You have the makings of a fine story with this being only the first section!

Write on!
223
223
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!
This is really an awesome article. I am just getting into really participating in the r&r part of this site and find I'm pretty darned picky too. If you happen by my site, I'd like it if you'd review my mostly short and often sweet poetry or the Elven Stuff if you have the time, especially
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#1086939 by Not Available.
and "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Write on, Lady!
224
224
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!
Cute pic of you and your son and kudos to your husband and you for working on the LAPD! Thanks for what you do every day for all of the people around you. You will never know how much effect you have on the rest of the world.
This is very cool and reads like the blurbs about actors on some of the sites. I like it. I *Heart* Mel Gibson!

Thanks for introducing yourself! I like you!
Hee Hee!
Write on!
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Review of Masquerade  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
HI!
My name is Denise and I am a reviewer for

I like your poem. It has a lot of subtle emotion and a lot of good, rich words.

Delusions of passion
Illusions of love.
This is a really nice beginning, setting the mood and tone for the poem.

I felt drawn along to the end, but I only occasionally got a glimpse of the meaning of a line or phrase as relates to the beginning. Perhaps it is the punctuation, perhaps it is the uneven flow brought on by pieces of sentences linked only by proximity to the next line.

This poem is disjointed. You have the potential to make a really good presentation here!
Write On!
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