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975 Public Reviews Given
995 Total Reviews Given
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201
201
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


I like the idea of taking one of our beautiful patriotic songs and adding comments to it, but I felt it still ended up being a little roughshod. (Well, that's American, huh? *Smile*). It is a great thing to remember the ingredients that have formed our great nation. Perhaps it would help to have the name of the song and its writer, if not the whole song.

*Idea* Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )*Idea*
and *Exclaim*typos*Exclaim*!
*Smile* I know, something for everyone! *Smile*


I found no typos! Yippee! You are pretty consistent about that, as far as I can tell. Setting a good example!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
202
202
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


What a wonderful name for this folder. I have a few things like this that may or may not be ready to come out of the incubator, but are fun to share (or would be, if only I was brave enough to do it)!

*Idea* Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )*Idea*
and *Exclaim*typos*Exclaim*!
*Smile* I know, something for everyone! *Smile*


Well, ummmmmmmmmm... I didn't find any typos!
I'd like to see a pic or something to go with your cuter words and the great idea of an nursery for newborn ideas. *Smile*

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
203
203
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


I saw you in the campfire and just had to come and check out what you have written so far! Very cool. It's fun to imagine new and different settings, scenes and characters for Hogwarts! Are you going to write more?

*Idea* Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )*Idea*
and *Exclaim*typos*Exclaim*!
*Smile* I know, something for everyone! *Smile*

the next time I could bring myself into my new office. this is a little rough -- maybe just the next time I 'entered' or 'was in' my new office.

I have no regret in their absence. this is a bit vague (about the Slytherins). I do not regret their absence would be more clearly sticking to the subject. I imagine Minerva does have regrets, just perhaps not about losing these students, *Wink* since she does not seem to be willing to tolerate as many hard-to-deal-with things as Albus was.

I made my way to the Staff Lounge, where I found almost every professor we possessed (except for Hagrid). again, a little ragged. I don't think 'possessed' is quite the right word.

Albus nodded. “Well, no, I don’t think so. They’ve just been through quite an ordeal, Albus, I hardly think they are concerned with that at the moment.”
This entire string of conversation made me stop reading to figure it out and left me a little confused. Perhaps a little more separation of phrases with at least who said, this paragraph was especially rough.
so as not to be caught ease dropping. eavesdropping is one word in my dictionary! *Shock* I didn't know that!

“Good night Professors,” "Good night, Professors,"
such a late time of night,” need question mark

“I caught Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger in a secret room near the library,” she told me. I raised my eyebrow in question. “They were snogging the heck out of each other,” she said, “I just offered him more private quarters to do so. Albus wouldn’t mind, I don’t think. Anyway, we had to talk about what I promised him. Why do you ask?” I was under the impression that the head boy and girl already have private quarters. I have no idea where I got that.

I also have to tell me that most of the Potter’s are still in hiding. me*Smile* most of the Potters (apostrophe only applies if this was possessive ex:most of Harry Potter's clothing.

Fun read!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*


204
204
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


This is going to be such fun! I am happy that we have a full slate of characters to go forward with. You did an excellent job of putting it together and explaining what is going on.

You might like to add a link to the http://www.hp-lexicon.org for those who need to jog their memory about any details.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*

205
205
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


I like this poem a lot. I can tell you live these things, they are so much a part of you, they seem to just flow onto the page.

*Idea* Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )*Idea*
and *Exclaim*typos*Exclaim*!
*Smile* I know, something for everyone! *Smile*


No typos ...
I like the way you separated the stanzas with a blank line. I find that I like periods at the end of thoughts in poetry, but I suppose it's a personal preference kind of thing. If you want to think about doing it sometime, I just write my poem as prose, insert the proper punctuation, then put it back in its form. Sometimes I revert to leaving it out, to give a different feel to a poem.
The different feel in this one is that there is no end to your relationship with God. I like that a lot!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
206
206
Review of My Poetry  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


Impressive contents! It would be fun to have a little more introduction to the types of subject matter or emotions or whatever here at the beginning. Thanks for sharing all these bits of your heart with us.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
207
207
Review of Observatory  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


Just stopping by the poetry corner! I love poetry. It is definitely a way to learn things about people. I am happy to be here. I like the little comment at the top, but I missed having a pic!

Take care! Again, great name!

Those darned typos!
*Smile*I know, something for everyone!*Smile*

Again, no typos!
*Reading* Write on! *Reading*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
208
208
Review of Sigh of Spring  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


This is a sweet poem of springtime refreshment to our spirits. I would like to see punctuation in the main body of the poem, to bring more rhythm to the structure. You have done a good job with the butterflies and the sounds and sights of spring burst from your words! Thanks for sharing this poem with us!

Ideas from me and those darned typos!
*Smile*I know, something for everyone!*Smile*

Inhaling her sweet pheromones
The soil becomes alive
As tender shoots and tiny buds
Within her hands revive
It is unclear what the word her refers to.

Standard ellipses are ... three dots with a space on each side. Two dots tends to look like an error. *Smile*

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
209
209
Review of Road of Darkness  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


You have a vivid imagination! Keep at it, you have the ability to tell a good story. The challenge will be getting it across to the reader.

Please read over it carefully to clarify what you want to say. I pulled out potential corrections for a while, then just read the rest of it.


Ideas from me and those darned typos!
*Smile*I know, something for everyone!*Smile*

Stopping beside the pond he had collected water from the last ten years of his life, he stared at his reflection in digust. This is a little ragged, I couldn't really pick up what you were trying to say.
The hulking torso, unlike any mans. man's
more powerful than any animals. animal's
"A freak. For that is you're question is it not?" "A freak. That is your question, is it not?"
A pale, darkly clad women stood spooked Kael and he jumped up to face her. You may have left out a word or two.
women woman is the singular form

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
210
210
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


What a sad and bittersweet story this is. You have poured your emotion and awareness into this and it is well-done. I am sure it will evolve, but it is good for now. Keep writing!

Ideas from me and those darned typos!
*Smile*I know, something for everyone!*Smile*

and leant her small pudgy hand against the unyielding marble colum to steady her descent to
column
little figure in hre grasp. her

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
211
211
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


A wondrous tribute. A statement of sadness and of release and freedom. Thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. It flows haltingly with all the punctuation, different than many of your other poems, but our acceptance of such tragedy flows haltingly as well. What can we say about the life of another when they are gone? Only that we saw something, a glimpse of the moon perhaps, in the surprisingly short flash that life is.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
212
212
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


I have spent many hours putting my presence behind the eyes of animals and other beings. *Exclaim*Becoming a rock or tree or badger, becoming a mouse or an owl teaches us a lot about who we are and who we may free ourselves to become.

Thanks for sharing this bit of transference. The mouse symbolizes attention to detail and scrutiny in many Native American lore and in other cultures as well. You have done well in conveying the limited scope of the mouse's focus. *Star**Star**Halfstar**Star**Star*

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
213
213
Review of Yes, redbuds sing  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift3* Hi! *Gift4*


Beautiful poem. Great wisdom.

I love redbud trees. We notice them more when they are in their radiant splendor, but they are always with us. Kind of like angels... *Smile*

Your poetry is like the redbud as well. It sits here in its folder as we whiz by on our websurfboards, ignorant of the rest stops along the way. Thanks for creating a rest stop for me today.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
214
214
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


Thanks for this beautiful insight into the life of your sweet friend and the admiration and love you have for her. Many of us have lost our ruby slippers, but it's okay, because our *Heart* hearts *Heart* have never left home.

They do, you know. The cornfields hear our laughter and respond to them. I had a friend who was in a rock band that practiced in an old barn out between fields of corn and cattle. They would play in the afternoons and when they came out, all the cattle were by the fence, they be jamming.

The farmer came and got the musicians one day before he harvested the field to show them how all the stalks were leaned toward the barn! *Bigsmile* Our joy can affect the whole world, piece by piece!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
215
215
Review of At two  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gift1* Hi! *Gift2*


Just wandering around, thought I would stop by your port for a little while. I picked up this warm blanky left in the sun by a two year old and wrapped it around me. Thanks so much for displaying the best of the best. It is a refuge for one such as I who read and review for fun and games and am disconcerted at times!

Your poetry and living in the moment astonish and comfort me! Thanks for being and thanks for sharing.

BTW, this is an absolutely awesome poem. Just for a smile and a warm fuzzy? You accomplished that. Hidden between the lines is an amazing amount of life experience.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
216
216
Review of Crickets  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*


My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


This is a fun poem. I like it. My favorite is
The chorus keeps rhythm with fiddlers
To produce sharp whole notes that hang on grass tips

I just long for more punctuation to give it more form and rhythm! I also wish it was a little longer, but I know how it is to write something short and just let it be. Sometimes it seems there is nothing more to say!

Thanks for sharing!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
217
217
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon3* Hi! *Balloon6*


I like it! I like the visual stimulation encouraged by your choice of words. Thanks for sharing this poem with us!

Ideas and those darned typos
An incandesscent yellow streak across a
newborn sky with promises incandescent
I think this phrase would flow more elegantly without the word "with". It leaves a suspense which is contained in the following lines. (Just an idea.)

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*


218
218
Review of Cloud Watching  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloon3* Hi! *Balloon1*

My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


I like the subject matter and the emotions expressed in this story. To add a better flow to the piece, the incomplete sentences could be punctuated differently or made into phrases of complete sentences. Reading this aloud would probably help get more of a feel for places in need of a little help.

Ideas and those nasty typos!

The coccoon was soft but firm. cocoon
How she longed to see those peaks; to fly among those clouds. Just a question from an inquiring mind*Wink*; how did she know she could fly?
So the little butterfly ate and fed and became strong. Ate and fed are the same -- perhaps ate and drank or ate and rested?
entertained the idea of settling down with many of the butterfly communities Maybe with 'one of the many' or 'with one of the butterfly communities'.
So enourmous it seemed to her miniscule body. enormous
Finally , When at last her wings gave out when
With a little determination, she eventually pulled herself through the layer of clouds, *Smile* At this point of the story, I believe 'a little determination' is an understatement.
Then slowly, almost deliberately, it descended into the clouds below. "almost deliberately' doesn't match the flow of words and I find I am unable to understand the meaning of this statement.
The adults, at first interpreting the children's gleeful yells as imaginary exaggeration, noticed it soon after. 'imaginary exaggeration' is awkward, maybe something which means the exuberance of youth.

I like this bit of prose! Let me know when you have worked on it a while and I'll reread it!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
219
219
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon5* Hi! *Balloon5*

My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


This poem is so romantic and so special! I would advise changing the rating to 18+, although it is entirely your call, there are strong innuendos, but no blatant graphic language or content.

I found no spelling errors and felt it has an excellent flow and rhythm. Very nice!

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
220
220
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* Hi! *Heart*


This is like a beautiful song from your heart. You have included so many of the things that make your relationship with your Lord special that it just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. It is such a special time of the year, with Easter just passed, to think about Jesus and our relationships with Him.

Thanks for sharing!
*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
221
221
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon1* Hi! *Balloon6*

Wow! I haven't seen snow in a long time, but you took me back to snowball fights and right into this interesting story. I really enjoyed this and will be moving on to read the rest of the segments!

Those nasty typos!
Robyn's phone call from the car as they raced the many snowy miles towards the sanctuary of the mansion convince him to make an exception in this case. convinced

the pungent aroma of cinnamon made mouths water in anyone walking by the guest kitchen that day. this is a bit awkward

Thanks for the sweet read. You are so good at making a spot of peace inside me when I *Reading* read what you write!

Write on!
222
222
Review of Wolfbond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Balloon3* Hi! *Balloon4*

It would be a good thing to change the subtitle -- under 7k is not long at all -- a lot of people have items running over 3 times as long. Put something to get people hooked to come and look at it! Lots of us will stay to read!

Grunts and irregularly timed snores could distinctly be heard between, a wolf's painful gasps and moans. don't need the comma

Propping the stick in his wolf’s mouth, Grimwülf picked at something inside until a huge chunk of meat came flying out of the dog-smelling mouth. perhaps foul-smelling mouth. (and what was going on with the wolf anyway?)

A small cadaverous looking man came out from behind a tree and sniggered, followed by an old, definitely out of shape, brown wolf, with gray strands of fur, sometimes patched could be seen on his body that have no fur at all. perhaps 'followed by an old decrepit brown wolf with grey patches of fur on his mangy coat.'

It's a good idea to run a spell check for most of the typos, but altar is the correct word for where ceremonies take place.

Is this the first chapter to a longer work? There are some definite indications of a deeper storyline! Readers want to be entertained and informed. You might want to read back through it aloud or just slowly and see where others could use some help understanding the plot.*Smile* You'll get there, you have a good imagination.

Also, you might want to consider separating paragraphs with blank lines, to make it easier to read.

*Reading* Write on! *Reading*
223
223
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloon4* Hi! *Balloon5*

Thanks for this article. I am new and at first what I found was *Reading* if I didn't like an item, I just didn't rate or review it. I am *Reading* finding going back and *Reading* delving into what I didn't like has actually helped me with my *Reading* reviews!

The other thing that has happened to me is in the beginning I was giving fours and four and a halfs ONLY. This article has helped me to look at it differently. I haven't given anything below a three yet and I won't give below a four without a good review to go with it. If I can't tell them what didn't seem to work, how will they be able to develop into a writer I like to read?

So, I am reading these pointers about reviewing over and over. I've done 300 reviews since the end of March, so with that many (I must tell you, I had the flu and propped myself up and reviewed the heck out of the site!) with that many, I say, I am beginning to get a handle on how to talk about what worked and what didn't work. I consider this a direct result of the great reviews I have gotten, with pointers and info galore!

Thanks for this site and the fun it is to find other writers!
*Reading* Read and Write On!
224
224
Review of An Aside  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Gift3* Hi! *Gift3*

What fun!
Are you new? I am a reviewer for
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~
You might want to join in the Newbie Challenge!

I think it is fun to bring in the quotes from The Bard.

The last line here is a little ragged,
And would you know what I'm talking about
If I were to say
"That nature pranks her, in attracts my soul" (12th night)
Even if you didn't I'd make sure that you know.

All in all, a good poem.
Write on!
225
225
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Gift3* Hello! *Gift4*

Thanks for the fun! Hee hee! I love this piece. It makes me want to go and get a peppermint filled candy right now!

I loved the way you used all the senses and the pleasure (and displeasrure) of the lady!

Write on!
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