Hello again Dr Gupta, I passed your port once before and left a smile
Slow down? Does the world understand what that means and the consequences of not slowing down, always striving, for the next building block, of fix for there life, the next pay cheque.
I have reviewed the following item
SLOW DOWN (E) Slow down. Give yourself respite from purposeless rat race.
#1747860 by Dr M C Gupta
towards the entry fee
I once had a vision of many people who were blind and walking towards an abyss. This was a mountain and the people were on the mountain top and the drop was deep and painful. I was there trying to hold some back and talk sense to them, many fell like rags, a few listened and I took them away from the abyss and dressed there wounds with words. (salve and wisdom)
Your poem is wisdom and I felt your arms stretched out to people saying Shhh! Listen quiet your life and think before you step, pray, eat, do then sleep as a watchman sleeps. Before you walk, then take the day as directed.
Follow the Lord's feet. a day is like a thousand years. Only the wise learn this.
I enjoyed the words and depth of the poem. An injection of wisdom.
Ecclesiastical is the world it goes round and comes round
Alexi Mason
I like this
What I see in my psycho is a person who is falling against his will, either illness or age or depression. Could be that the effect of morphine injected into the person to dull his senses, trapping the physical ability to control his will.
The shell is the body and the soul won't give up.
I am probably wrong.
I see it as a person who wants to live and others have given up and the only way is their will to live.
Anyway I found it very deep and quite intelligent. Not all will understand. I hope I did.
Intellect trying.
Please let me know.
Curious
Alexi Mason
I kind of like this. You could go further with it and it could have an exhausting and perhaps a meaningful conclusion.
Maybe a lesson in life or an escape too?
Well done and keep writing.
Do you think that the soul has corridors that have not been explored yet?
Is there something hidden that the soul is trying to surface?
Okay. Keep writing
Alexi Mason
Jimminy
First congrats to your star roll, Author of the month I have been out of action as a newbie for a few weeks due to overwork and exhaustion, also not being able to cope with all the work on the newbie agenda and having trouble with my spellings, punctuations and the English/American differences with spellings. I will make a come back
I have read with delight your story (Truth of God) I had a laugh and memories came swimming back. I remember my sister and her fears of monsters under the bed and by the window. I of course was... THE BRAVE ONE OF THE TWO. Was I heck! I had to put the light out and walk to the bed showing no fear and telling my sister not to be so silly. "THERE ARE NO MONSTERS." I would declare as I tried to walked the few steps to the bed without showing my heart pumping a stampede melody.
Hope your having a good month. Your story was inspirational.
Star dust and glitter from
Alexi Mason
I am reviewing your"ENWIN" as a student ofThe Rockin'Reviewer's Academy. I enjoyed reading your story and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression:
I found it quite imaginative as a Short Story and the beginning of the creative writer in you. Well done for imagination.
Plot:
With regard to your plot. Seems like the Squirrels had rehearsed their plot to perfection and conclusion, whilst Enwin, your character, had intuitive fears as to what the squirrels might be conspiring to enact. I found this a funny and imaginative story.
Style and Voice:
Your story may be a whim, or it could be the start of your voice on future
compositions. Bring it on to the writing stage Eric!
Scene and Setting:
The park, a quiet place to relax and unwind, to read a book. May I suggest a little more graphic imagination and color ie., the Squirrels individuality and character; also paint a better picture of the surroundings.
This is only my view and not to be taken literally.
Characters:
The Squirrels characters could be brought out either comically or otherwise; also more about who Enwin is as a person, give the reader more insight into his character and personality, perhaps.
Again, this is my thoughts.
Dialog:
Most of this story is in Enwin's thoughts and little dialog. I believe this is ok.
Grammar and Mechanics:
I may not be the best to correct your grammar as I am learning the vastness of perfect grammar myself.
One thing that might be for consideration. Quotation marks when Enwin is thinking and quotations when the park attendant is speaking. The latter I believe is correct and Enwin's thoughts, May need looking at.
Suggestions:
It is not for me to suggest anything as it is a fun story. I find if I read my stories out loud a few times then I get a better picture of what my writing needs.
Thank you for sharing:"ENWIN" it was fun to read Eric
I hope that some of this has been helpful and I do hope that you go on to fulfill your ambitions as a good writer.
Your story made me smile and raise a brow, oh, what a mysteriously sad end to Enwin.
Well done Eric.
Reviewed by Alexi Mason
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Member of The PDG Rockin'Reviewers Academy ** Image ID #1744867 Unavailable **
Love has many emotions your character has been through some and it does hurt. There is nothing magical in a relationship if one of the two dosn.t want to be there.
If you love someone let it go if it loves you it will come back to you.
This is a beautifully written poem and emotional
I like the prayer an plea of God please
Good morning Eli I am writing from England UK and have just read through your incredible short story and can,t believe that you have just started on this web. Your writing is that of someone who has been at it for a long time and your knowledge of the piano in remarkable.
You certainly know how to put words together and this one story I enjoyed.
It is so true that many people go through life in a mundane I have to do this or I will fail in life, and fail other peoples expectations of me.
To thine own self be true has never been more clear to me. I am one who has put my needs and dreams on the back burner for years and realised it the other day when a relative that I have been helping for six years was so rude to me and disrespective for the umpteenth time that I gave up. let that person see how he can manage on his own as no one else cares for him the way I did as they have all given up on his predudiced ways and his lack of respect for others and me.
Oops! Sorry I did go on there but your story made me feel that way and I have handed my voleneering notice in to that relative and do I feel good, now I can get on with my writing career and live my dreams.
Hi Meenie
I have read your plans for 2012 plus hope the new house is good:)
how did you fair in 2012? did you fulfil expectations.
I have just found the time to start my writing career and I am at the toddler stages at the moment. I have reared a family of three boys and four grand children, nursed my parents for eight years and they are with Father in heaven, and now I hope it is my time. I have always loved writing and want to learn to illustrate my stories. I am a young sixty four.
It would be nice to get some feed back from you if you are not too busy.
respect
Alexi Mason
Hi Christina
I found this quite beautiful in explanation...yet very sad. That for some reason or another a life must end. I lost two babies through miscarraige. My two girls are in heaven and one day I will see them and my little grandson who was one of a twin.
It is said that we are thought of before we are knit in our mothers womb.
Your story touched my heart and made me feel the pain of the unborn children.
We don't understand it all but, one day we will.
Annimarrit
I don't know if you have been writing a long time or if this is your first go. In my opinion, this is a lovely short story and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
The setting in a high up apartment looking through the dusty window into her world was intreguing.
The memories from inside the older ladies mind of her past and the sadness of losing her husband.
I could relate to a lot of this story as my mum used to sit at the window of her flat and see the world from her angle and I think we all do at times.
Well written (The second paragraph I noticed... burdain... burden and... seeleed doors...sealed doors) :)
I am still correcting my grammer and on that we can help each other, don't you think.
Well done
respect
Alexi
Hi muzzy
It is simple mathematics.
If a person has 100 dollars then his cloth should be cut to fit that 100 dollars IE: 80 to pay his way and 20 for a rainy day.
If a treasurer has 50 billion he reserves 40 to pay the countries way and 20 for a rainy day.
Seems like people need to go back to money management...
We all need to look at what we are doing to our planet and our lives. Is it pride before a fall? Or do we come to our senses before it's too late.
I have a store of soap; cans, dried foods, surgical masks, ect,. Am I a pessimist or opptimist:)
Hi Snow...
My heart smiled as I read your rules for 2013. sounds like they are set in stone and not to be broken. BUT! How many of us keep those resolutions? We are only human and life changes daily. give yourself some slack and love yourself for who you are probably a wonderfull person who has so much to give.
What happens if you don't reach your target of 2,000 on a teusday night...(Betty Whites off their rockers) Yelp! Oh what punishment you bring on yourself I wish I was a fly on the wall at your house it could be quite interesting, ha!
I wonder what other writers do to keep up with there daily word count? Now that could be very interesting :)
Hi Spidey
I enjoyed your ghost story. It was lovely but sad and a different way to present a story... from the ghost of the girl...
It dosn't say how she died and why...
Her family moved away and she had been there a long time yet still a child at heart...
Hi Turtle
You are so right I had a business for ten years and never had to advertise, the work just kept coming in. I would work in mansions and humble homes even a caravan.
Every job I finished and was greeted with; so pleased, I have more work for you, could I recommend my neighbour, here I want to pay you more your worth it... and yet I always thought I could improve on my work.
I have just finished? A Pleiades (Spring) It took me several drafts and now I have to say I am happy with it...that is untill I look at it a few years from now and see if it could be rewritten. (peek if you like)
You seem like a deep and happy person with a good attitude to learning. I love the excitement of learning no matter how much older I get :)
I had a revelation on The Bible one day
BIBLE
Prosperous Snow
September rain
Well ... ping ping ping ping ...
I think this is a part of your subconsious called girly releif...
I think it is excellent and quite musically wonderfully enchantingly fabulous...
Well done and you deserve a prize.It could actually be a classic...
With great respect and applause
Sending a syphony of musical raindrops and rainbows :)
Hey Pat ...
This is brilliant! ... I have just read a well thought out Entheree...
you must tell me the rules as I have just finished a Pleiades on my port and it took some time to get it right...
You present a true picture of friendship in a gifted and well earned prize poem...
Hi Desiri
It's a very sad but true story. Your not the first and won't be the last. I felt for you reading this as I had problems with my mum from childhood. She always said that I was different, not like the others and I thought I was deformed.
As the years went by when SHE approved of what I was doing I was top girl,but when I did other things that SHE didn't like or approve I was ignored.
I learned as I got older TO MYSELF BE TRUE. I learned to be me and I found myself and realised hey I'm ok.
I now write more than I ever did and read about other peoples experiences in life. I am my own person and I also found that God can guide me to where I can be happy when I pray and look into his word.
Mums knife cutting words have left scars in my heart but they are faded now and I just wish she had experienced the things I have.
Your dad is hurting about something and shouting is his way of expressing his frustrations.
Perhaps you should try to see inside him and write something nice about him it will help you vent your feelings.
You have the makings of a good writer.
Keep writing
Respect
Alexi
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I have been out of action as a newbie for a few weeks due to overwork and exhaustion, also not being able to cope with all the work on the newbie agenda and having trouble with my spellings, punctuations and the English/American differences with spellings
My review has been submitted for consideration in "