*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/socalscribe/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: OFF
3,802 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I balance my reviews by commenting both on what worked and suggestions for improvement. I evaluate material as honestly and objectively as possible, while still being positive and supportive. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., tough love, encouragement, alternative suggestions, etc.).
I'm good at...
Structure, pacing, characterization, plotting, dialogue, and considerations for the professional marketplace. I'm okay at technical editing but much better with broader creative considerations.
Favorite Genres
Action/Adventure, Mystery/Crime/Thriller, Science Fiction/Fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Nonsense/Experimental Prose
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novels, essays and other nonfiction writing on a variety of topics.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry. (I'm not as familiar with poetic forms as I am with prose.)
I will not review...
Insincere writing. I typically put a lot of thought and effort into my reviews, so I try to focus my efforts on authors who are serious about improving their work. Beyond that, no genre is too weird, no content rating is too high, no form or length is too daunting. I'm open to anything.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 6 7 8 9 -10- 11 12 13 14 15 ... Next
226
226
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Anistasya -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I thought you did a really great job establishing the events that have led you to this point in your life, but I didn't see much in there about goals for 2014. I love the enthusiasm for this being the year that everything changes, but in what way are you hoping it will change? Do you want to write more, and if so, what kinds of writing? Do you want to write more frequently? If so, how often? I think this is the start of a great piece, but at the moment, unfortunately, it's missing the defined goals for this year.


BELIEVABILITY

There were no specific goals to comment upon.


FEASIBILITY

There were no specific goals to comment upon.


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
227
227
Review of Dear Me...  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Charlotte Grimm -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I like the fact that you've essentially created two goals for yourself this year: a macro-goal (finish the book) and a micro-goal (write or read something every day). I think the best way to prepare for success is to do exactly what you've done in this letter; give yourself a larger goal that you want to accomplish and then small, measurable goals that you can accomplish every day. *Thumbsup*


BELIEVABILITY

I think you did a great job keeping the letter interesting and compelling; in fact, I wish you had gone into more detail about your family's curse! I thought that was a really interesting detail that I would have loved to seen expanded a little.


FEASIBILITY

Overall, I think your goals are entirely reachable and feasible this year. Good luck to you!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
228
228
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi dog pack:saving4 premium renew -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really enjoyed reading about what an important part of your life (and the upcoming year) God will be playing. It was an enjoyable read. *Smile*


BELIEVABILITY

I think you did a great job creating a context for your goals and explaining your interests, your beliefs, and the background information needed for the reader to understand why these goals are important to you.


FEASIBILITY

Overall, everything you wrote seemed feasible and possible this year with enough hard work and effort. Good luck with everything!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

There were a few minor typos that I caught as I was reading:

"Share [God's] word with people whenever the opportunity presents [itself] or look for the door which God has opened for you."

"... and remind you of the love of God [whose] plan of redemption saved you by and through the gift of Jesus Christ your savior."



I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
229
229
Review of Dear Me 2014  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Fran 🏅🇬🇧🇬🇧🏅 -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I think you've set some great goals for yourself over the coming year, and I'm thrilled that things seem to be going so well for you! There were quite a few accomplishment to be proud of in 2013, but I don't think anything quite compares to starting a life with someone and even buying a home to live in with him! 2014 is sure to be an exciting year for you, and I think you captured that excitement in this letter.


BELIEVABILITY

I like the fact that this letter was short and to the point. Each goal was clearly laid out with specifics for what you want to accomplish. Now all you have to do is stick to it all year. *Wink* *Bigsmile*


FEASIBILITY

Overall, every goal you wrote down seems feasible with hard work and dedication. You can do it!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammar errors that I could find.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
230
230
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Brian K Compton -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

This is probably one of the most compelling entries I've read for the "Dear Me" contest this month. Your writing was eloquent and engaging; your goals were clearly laid out and interspersing the quotes and personal information with your goals made them really easy to follow along with and support.


BELIEVABILITY

Overall, you did a great job creating larger overall goals that you were able to break down into smaller components. I think that's an essential element of success and you did a great job with that aspect of it.


FEASIBILITY

Everything seemed attainable and realistic. You write with such authority and confidence, I'm pretty sure I'd find it realistic if you said you were going to travel to the moon or win the lottery! *Laugh*


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No technical errors that I could find.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
231
231
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Breaker~A Vigilante Ranger~ -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really enjoyed the fact that you tied your goals into a lot of the WdC-related initiatives like the Weekly Goals, and rewarding reviewers. Linking your goals to a site like WdC is a great way to ensure you stay motivated because what you're doing then has an impact on a community rather than just leaving you to work in a vacuum. *Thumbsup*


BELIEVABILITY

I was hoping for a little more explanation of each of your goals. The actual goals themselves are great, but it would be nice to know a little more about why you chose them. Why, for example, rewarding two reviewers (rather than one or twenty) per day is important, or how you intend to select the pieces you want to review. Adding some additional context to the goals would really make them stand out, I think.


FEASIBILITY

Overall, the goals you've listed in this letter all seem achievable. Good luck with them!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
232
232
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Agape Novels -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

Overall, I thought you did a great job outlining your goals for the new year, while continuing to point to the fact that your primary goal - above all others - is to have a better relationship with God. I think that's an admirable goal to set for yourself and one that - unlike finishing a book or reviewing a specific number of items a year - will be an ongoing and lifelong objective rather than something you can check off a list on December 31st. Nice job! *Smile*


BELIEVABILITY

The fact that you continually point your letter back toward God makes it clear that He's where you find your inspiration and your passion. Keep that in mind this year and look back on this letter whenever you start to feel frustrated or stuck!


FEASIBILITY

I think all of the material, defined goals you've set for yourself in this letter are feasible. Best of luck with them this year!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
233
233
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Jace -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really liked the fact that your letter was more of a conversation than a formal letter. I think choosing to write your "Dear Me" entry in this fashion made it stand out from all the other entries that were more traditionally-written correspondence. Nice job! *Smile*


BELIEVABILITY

I think the way you've presented this letter is realistic and encouraging. I can definitely see you looking back on it throughout the year when you need some additional motivation or even just to check in and see how your progress is going.


FEASIBILITY

Knowing how busy you are with everything else in your life, I think you've set some pretty high goals for yourself this year. But I also happen to know that you're dedicated, hard working, and honor your commitments, so I don't think you're going to have any problem putting a check mark next to each of these goals in December 2014. *Smile*


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

None that I could find. *Check2*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
234
234
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi drifter -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I think you did a great job of balancing your goals for 2014 with your various needs (spiritual, physical, mental, etc.). You provided a lot of great background so the reader gets some insight as to why these particular goals are important for you at this point in your life. *Thumbsup*


BELIEVABILITY

Your writing has an honesty and an openness to it that I think is refreshing and will, hopefully, be a source of inspiration and motivation to you should you re-read this letter during the more trying times in the year ahead. *Smile*


FEASIBILITY

Overall, I think all of your goals are entirely feasible and realistic. Good luck with them!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

Just a couple minor technical errors:

"Buddy was out in the cold looking for a savior when my wife picked [him?] out of the middle of a busy intersection."

"As temperature[s] spiral down into negative digits..."



I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
235
235
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Prosperous Snowwoman -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I liked the list of goals you created for yourself, particularly the fact that they're varied and tackle different aspects of your life and experiences here on Writing.com. I was, however, hoping for a little more detail about your goals, especially the United in Our Grief group you want to create. Some extra detail about the group (e.g. what it's being created for, what you hope to accomplish with it, etc.) would balance out with the specific logistical goals and give the reader a clearer idea about why it's important that you accomplish that particular task this year.


BELIEVABILITY

I thought you did a good job creating sincere goals for yourself, and organizing them into an easy-to-follow arrangement that allowed you to give an overview of all of them, then talk a little more specifically about each of them. Nice work! *Thumbsup*


FEASIBILITY

No problems here; the goals you created were easy to understand and certainly capable of being accomplished, although I think 2,000 words per day without fail is one heck of an undertaking! *Bigsmile*


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

Only one typo that I noticed: "In January, I will study how to sit [set] up the group and write the Mission Statement by January 31, 2014."


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
236
236
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hi Medz -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


This was a fun, humorous article. I love the idea of a relationship warranty and think it's a very insightful observation to compare the "honeymoon period" of a relationship with the warranty of a product. Sometimes they last far past the warranty expiration date and, well, sometimes you're stuck with something that's run down or broken just after the point at which you can't really do anything about it. *Wink*

I do have a couple of suggestions. I think the iPad comment was a bit random because it didn't come back or pay off later in the article. It seemed like you were trying to also add a commentary about how we're easily attracted by the newest, latest, and greatest even though what we have is perfectly fine... but that thought didn't really find its way into the rest of the piece and as a result left that single paragraph feeling a little out of place. Also, I think you lost a bit of the narrative thread where relationships are like warranties when the article got to the part about no one liking a happy couple and that you can spend your time wandering from one night stand to one night stand because there isn't really a warranty-related analogue to compare it to.

Other than that, though, I thought this was a fun and entertaining article and it would be my pleasure to feature it in the next (January 8, 2014) issue of the official Comedy Newsletter! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
237
237
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)

Hi Rare222 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


This was an amusing list of insights and questions about the nature of Santa Claus. Overall, I thought it was entertaining, but was a little thrown by some of the assumptions made in a few of the items, such as that the elves are made to work 364 days a year, or that Santa wears the same wardrobe year-round. For me, those kind of assumptions undercut the humor in the piece because they immediately make a reader think, "That might not be true at all!" I think you've got a lot of great points on your list and think that taking out the more presumptive ones would make it an even stronger (and funnier) piece of writing.

All that said, it was a great read and it would be my pleasure to feature this item in the next issue (January 8, 2014) of the official Comedy Newsletter! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
238
238
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi Dean -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I thought this was a great short poem, and a very amusing take on the Lord's Prayer as it would surely apply to social media. *Wink* Overall, I don't really have any suggestions for improvement, but it would be my pleasure to feature this review in the next (January 8, 2014) issue of the official Comedy Newsletter!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
239
239
Review of First Fool  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hi Soldier_Mike 🎺 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


This was a fun story to read. I always love a good prank story, especially one where the alpha prankster gets upstaged. *Smirk* I was hoping that there would be a little more information about what made Stan such a dominant prankster in the first place (perhaps some references to his more memorable exploits) and I was a little confused at the end as to what the elaborate prank from Roger, Kevin, and Cal was supposed to accomplish (just to show him on a webcam being blasted with music and a strobe light). I think some rewriting with both of those aspects in mind would help round out the piece a little more, but as-is, I think it's a great start to an effective and entertaining prank story!

It would be my pleasure to feature this item in the next issue (January 8, 2014) of the official Comedy Newsletter! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
240
240
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi Emily -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


This looks like a really great activity, and I'm looking forward to participating for the first time in January! *Bigsmile* Overall, I think you did an excellent job with the forum; everything is clearly laid out and easy to follow along with, particularly the instructions for signing up, how the contest will be carried out, and how it will be judged. I think the prizes are impressive and - in looking through past rounds - the prompts seem entertaining and interesting.

I'm particularly impressed with the fact that you've come up with a way to generate prompts by asking each entrant to send three along with their signup. After having just had to come up with thirty-one prompts myself for "Blog Harbor from The Talent Pond's own January blogging activity, I'm exhausted! It's a fantastic idea to have the contestants themselves each provide a few ideas that you can draw from.

All in all, this is an excellent activity and I'm greatly looking forward to participating! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff
241
241
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hi cmmacneil -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I thought this was a very moving piece of writing with some great observations in it. The idea that the "home" you knew as a child will one day not feel like much of a home at all is a powerful and familiar one. While not everyone experiences the feeling in such an intense way, it's an important moment in many people's lives when they realize that the experience of being "home" is no longer where they used to live or where they grew up, but rather where they are now.

I was a little confused toward the end of the piece... you mention that you were with your older sister when she passed away and that she was the last of your ten brothers and sisters to pass on (in January 2008), but then you jump back in time and talk about how you ran into your father in the late 80s and only learned of his death almost two decades later from your sister. Because the chronology is out of order, it required re-reading to get the timing right. I would suggest moving the part about seeing your father into it's natural order in the chronology of the story so that readers don't trip over the timing of things. I also think the fact that you're the lone survivor among twelve family members needs some clarification as well... that's an extraordinary loss of family members and I think some additional detail (i.e. were they lost to illness, violence, accident, etc.) about at least some of them would help the reader put your experience in even greater context.

Finally, I just wanted to make a note that the "E" rating isn't quite appropriate for this work. Based on the references to drug/alcohol use, the sexual promiscuity of a minor, and homophobia, this item would be more appropriately rating for mature audiences. All that said, though, I thought this was a really powerful piece of writing and, as stated above, I think the concept of reaching that point where the home you knew is no longer the place you consider home is - under any circumstances - a pivotal moment in many people's lives.

Well done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


RAOK's logo image.  This is a shared image, so feel free to use its item number.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
242
242
Review of A New Tune  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: XGC | (3.0)

Hi Cynaemon -


It's that time of year again... "The Official Mod Review Blitz! is back and I've chosen you as the recipient of one of my reviews! I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following comments for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

Overall, while I liked the premise for this story, I thought it was a little lacking in the erotic content. There was a lot of content that discussed eroticism, but very little of the story actually focused on the interaction between the characters and other characters, or the characters and the invented sex toy. I did think the characterization was good and the concept works; the execution just needs to be improved a little in order to really take off.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


** Image ID #1959177 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
243
243
Review of Language Lesson  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (3.5)

*Shield6* "The Weekly Quickie Contest Official Judges' Review *Shield6*


Hi HuntersMoon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


Thanks for entering Round 83 of "The Weekly Quickie Contest!

I enjoyed reading this story. Your detail and description, in particular, was excellent. The imagery was great and the line at the very end was a nice way to bring the piece together. My only issue with the story was that it felt like more of a vignette or standalone moment rather than part of a larger story; I didn't really get a sense of who these characters were in a larger narrative sense. With just under 300 words to spare, I would have loved to have seen this excellent depiction of a very sensual act included in a larger narrative framework that gives the reader a sense of who these people are and why they find themselves where they are.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


Review Signature for the Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
244
244
Review of Hearing Voices  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*



Hi Sara♥Jean -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I enjoyed this story. It was short and really did a great job of highlighting the battle we often fight over doing the right thing and doing the easy thing. If I had one suggestion, it would be to make the incident in question a little more challenging for your protagonist to tackle. Knocking over a trash can, in the grand scheme of things (and especially after you mention that she's helped drive people to doctor appointments and with their broken down cars), the idea of knocking over a trash can and not picking it up seems rather inconsequential. If the altruistic thing she were being asked to do were more time consuming or clearly inconvenient for her, I think it would give the story a little more weight.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


An image donated by  [Link To User legerdemain]  for use with Anniversary Reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
245
245
Review of Billy  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*



Hi billwilcox -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I thought this was a great story. It was well-written, exciting, and really captured the flair of a western story. I was a little confused in the end about whether Harley and his friends were just cheating card players or if they were specifically there to find Billy; at first it seemed like the former, but the end of the story made it seem like they were there to find him, in which case the ruse of the card game felt a little over-elaborate. Other than that, though, I thought this was a very fun and entertaining story. Well done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


An image donated by  [Link To User legerdemain]  for use with Anniversary Reviews


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
246
246
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*



Hi Prier -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I enjoyed this short item and thought it had a great lesson in it about putting our faith in other things, and spoiling our own blessings by over-thinking, over-analyzing, or over-anticipating what's just around the corner. I don't think I've ever had a fortune come true either, except in the most generic sense, and I think it was a great additional fact you added in about the history of fortune cookies. All in all, I think this was an interesting and thought-provoking item. Nice work!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


An image donated by  [Link To User legerdemain]  for use with Anniversary Reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
247
247
Review of Bus Stop  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*



Hi Roscoe -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I really liked the way you were able to infuse dialect and cadence of speech in your primary speaker's dialogue. It was nice to see a distinct pattern of speech being presented. I did think the conversation was a little one-sided with the other party merely there to propel the main speaker into another longer near-monologue... but the main speaker was very compelling with his words. All in all, I thought this was a solid Dialogue 500 entry. Nice job!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


An image donated by  [Link To User legerdemain]  for use with Anniversary Reviews


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
248
248
Review of Birthday Gift  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: XGC | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*



Hi Dobie Mom -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I enjoyed reading this story. I thought you did a good job with the detail and description, and Ari'c character was well-developed and interesting. I did think that, for a Weekly Quickie entry with a very restrictive word limit, it took a little while to get to the erotic parts; the story was more than half over before there was any hint of romance or eroticism. Based on the amount of time spent developing the relationship between Ari and Joe, I expected there to be a proposal or him coming back to sweep her off her feet. Since this story is more about a quickie with another person, I think it would have worked a little better to have the opening paragraph be the exposition about Ari's fight, Joe storming off, etc. so that the rest of the story could be about building up the connection (and the physicality) between Ari and the waitress.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this story, thought you did a good job overall, and particularly liked the clever line at the end. Well done!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


An image donated by  [Link To User legerdemain]  for use with Anniversary Reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
249
249
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*



Hi Donni De-Ville -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


This was an interesting item with a good moral at the end. I definitely think that you make great points in the latter part of the article about only using cosmetic surgery as a last resort and that the dangers can sometimes outweigh the benefits of having elective surgery.

I was a little confused, though, at how your personal story fit into this moral. Earlier in the article, you talk about your weight problems and multiple surgeries to keep your weight down and their mixed results. I was hoping for a little more to tie your experiences into the advice you ultimately give at the end. Do you regret your surgeries? Were they a last resort for you? If you could do it all over again, would you?

I think it's important to make that connection, since you clearly have direct experience with the topic you're giving advice about. I would suggest trying to connect the dots between the advice and your own experiences a little more, so that readers truly understand where you're coming from and how your experiences have informed your current opinions about cosmetic surgery.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


An image donated by  [Link To User legerdemain]  for use with Anniversary Reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
250
250
Review of Indestructible  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: GC | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Candlev*



Hi C. Carlos Camacho -

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I thought you did a great job with this story. The characterizations were excellent (both Coby and the psychiatrist evaluating him), and the narrative was compelling and well-written. I think the piece would have flowed a little better if the separate events were presented to the psychiatrist as a narrative from Coby rather than having different headers ("Present Day," "Six Years Ago," etc.), but that's my only small suggestion for an otherwise very compelling story. Nicely done!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
"The Book of Jeff


An image donated by  [Link To User legerdemain]  for use with Anniversary Reviews


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1,309 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 53 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/socalscribe/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10