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3,802 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I balance my reviews by commenting both on what worked and suggestions for improvement. I evaluate material as honestly and objectively as possible, while still being positive and supportive. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., tough love, encouragement, alternative suggestions, etc.).
I'm good at...
Structure, pacing, characterization, plotting, dialogue, and considerations for the professional marketplace. I'm okay at technical editing but much better with broader creative considerations.
Favorite Genres
Action/Adventure, Mystery/Crime/Thriller, Science Fiction/Fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Nonsense/Experimental Prose
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novels, essays and other nonfiction writing on a variety of topics.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry. (I'm not as familiar with poetic forms as I am with prose.)
I will not review...
Insincere writing. I typically put a lot of thought and effort into my reviews, so I try to focus my efforts on authors who are serious about improving their work. Beyond that, no genre is too weird, no content rating is too high, no form or length is too daunting. I'm open to anything.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Elle - on hiatus -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

WHAT I LIKED

I love the simplicity of this how-to article, and the emphasis on the fact that the content is what matters, not the presentation. Even though some of us {e:averts_eyes} may obsess over the choice of pen, paper, neatness of our handwriting, etc., ultimately none of that stuff matters a tenth as much as the words committed to paper. (I reserved a tenth for the material items because the letter, of course, has to be readable by the recipient. So doctor's scrawl on a napkin with a sharpie that bleeds through maybe isn't the best idea if it's illegible *Laugh*.)


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

The only small suggestion I have is to maybe clarify "answer any questions" with "answer any specific (or personal or conversational) questions" ... something along those lines to avoid giving letter-writers the impression that they need to respond to each and every question asked in a letter, even the ones that are irrelevant. This may be just my personal experience, but my family is exceptionally good at asking rhetorical or banal questions as a way to kickstart their correspondence... it would take me five pages to get to the good stuff if I actually did answer every question they had about the weather, if my old car has needed any repairs lately, how my cat is doing, if I'm still working long hours at work, etc.!


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this article. It was brief, to the point, and is a great motivator for people who are considering drafting handwritten letters. At the end of the day, it's about what you say in your own words, and handwritten letters can be so much more personal in these days of email, text messages, and Instagram. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
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Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
152
152
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Writing.Com Support -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

WHAT I LIKED

The sections of this how-to guide are easily organized into what to do, what to avoid, and shows illustrative examples of each, in addition to sample letters (both good and bad) at the bottom. This is a very concise, helpful guide for writers looking to put together query letters. Even without any prior experience, writers can use this guide to avoid many of the common pitfalls that get a query letter rejected. Nice job! *Thumbsup*


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

The only two small suggestions for improvement are to double-check the formatting on the first three "don'ts" (the text of the entire paragraph is red instead of just the header, which I'm assuming was not a stylistic choice), and to consider adding under the "Never use family or friends as proof of your abilities" section that it's generally not a good idea to include proof of your abilities from any one individual or organization unless you know that entity is particularly well-respected or personally known to the recipient of the letter... the reason being that most editors (at least the ones I know) don't really care what someone else thinks and prefer to make up their own mind... unless it's like Stephen King or the president of their publishing house or an nationally-recognized award committee.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was an excellent guide to help writers craft professional, well-presented cover letters. This is a great resource for anyone looking to submit their work for consideration. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society
153
153
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Incurable Romantic -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

WHAT I LIKED

You included a lot of really great advice and suggestions for making love letters more personal and more meaningful to the recipient. I particularly liked the fact that you encourage the reader to not be embarrassed about using nicknames or sharing personal experiences. I think a lot of people (myself included) tend to forget that the whole point of a love letter is to be intimate and personal rather than just reciting some stock phrases. Thanks for the reminder and the helpful suggestions! *Thumbsup*


SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT

In the first suggestion (under the heading that starts "the obvious one" it felt a little awkward to have the analysis presented before the example. You write, "And, notice too that this example illustrates..." and, "You will see not only how much we shared with each other..." before we're even provided the example that we're supposed to be drawing these observations from. I would suggest providing the example first, so that the reader is familiar with the example and can follow along with what you want them to notice, rather than telling them what they're going to need to notice, then expecting them to keep those points of reference in their head while also processing the information in the example. I think revising the structure would help keep the reader focused and engaged in what you're saying if they had the example to refer to before being asked to note particular things about it.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an excellent item with a lot of great suggestions. I do think tweaking the organization a little (as outlined above) would help the readability and structure of the item, but that takes nothing away from the excellent suggestions and compelling subject matter that you've written. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
154
154
Review of Bathtub Santa  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi TJ Marie -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I thought this was a fun, entertaining story about what Santa and Mrs. Claus might possibly do during their vacation. I can definitely see them wanting to go somewhere warm after so many months spent at the North Pole! *Bigsmile* There were just a couple of details that I thought could use a little improvement:

First, I think the bathtub needs a little foreshadowing. It felt a little strange to have Santa on a beach, then suddenly run off into the trees and return with a bathtub-motorboat. Where did that come from? Did he have it hidden there for later? If not, how did he know the things he would need to create the contraption would be there? Without a little setup explaining how he managed to find the parts necessary to create his latest invention, it's a little confusing how he managed to get it to the beach.

Additionally, the dialogue needs a little work. If Mrs. Claus is really concerned enough about her husband's well-being, why does she take the time to ask Jingles how things are going in the North Pole before calling in a rescue. That undercuts the immediacy of the request... there needs to be a little bit of tension and sense of urgency in order for the audience to feel like there's a need to call in a rescue.

Other than those two issues, I thought this was an entertaining read. You're off to a good start! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
155
155
Review of Persona  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
A review signature for Talent Pond members.


*Waterdrop* Official Judges' Review *Waterdrop*


Hi Geneva Fox -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Paradise Cove Writing Challenge-On Hold, and have enclosed the following review on behalf of "The Talent Pond for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.



CONCEPT/PREMISE

I really loved the premise of this story. I thought you did an excellent job with the setting, utilizing the prompt, and coming up with a compelling situation in which to ensnare your characters. Well done!


STORYLINE

The only slight issue I had with the story was the contrivance of being delivered divorce papers at the very end of the story. It seemed a little convenient, like it let Sidney off the hook without him having to really earn it. I think the moment would have been a little more believable if there had been some lead-in or explanation for why the divorce papers all of a sudden showed up. Maybe even something as simple as a note with the papers from Colleen that said something like the fact that spending time away from him while he's been on this tour has made her realize that space is what they need, or that their relationship isn't working out, etc. The foundation is there; I think you just need that little extra explanation so that Colleen's divorce papers aren't arriving out of thin air the moment Sidney really wants them.

Other than that, the story was excellent.


CHARACTERIZATION

All of the characters were engaging and interesting. Hannah and Sidney made a great couple and I like the fact that Sidney's marriage with Colleen wasn't the results of anything other than two people growing apart. I think it was refreshing to see a failing relationship where it isn't one person being a horrible person where the audience is wondering why they're even together in the first place. The characters and their relationships were easily my favorite part of this story. Well done! *Thumbsup*


DIALOGUE

The dialogue was great and moved the story along well. No issues here. *Smile*


STRUCTURE

I thought the story was structured and paced very well. It led effortlessly from one scene to another, and there was never a point where I felt like the narrative was dragging or moving too quickly. Very well organized story!


TECHNICAL

There were only a couple minor typos here and there. For example, toward the end of the story: "Sidney stared at the youth in shock. He was not quite sure how to react to this turn of events. He reached out and took the envelope proffered by the Currier [courier]; it was real." Other than needing a quick once-over to catch those couple of minor typos, there were no technical problems that I could find with the story.


OVERALL

Overall, I thought you did an excellent job with this story. The characters were compelling, the narrative was engaging, and it was a pleasure to read from beginning to end. Bravo! *Bigsmile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
156
156
Review of The Wardrobe  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
A new banner for The Dark Society.


*Skull* Official Judges' Review *Skull*


Hi Rusty -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Sinister Stories Contest, and have enclosed the following review on behalf of "The Dark Society for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.



CONCEPT/PREMISE

I'm not really sure how one or more of the three contest prompts fit into this story; there's really no connection to cursed buried treasure, taking revenge for a past wrong, or a death row inmate. For that reason, it's not really a fit for the contest, but as a standalone story, I think you did a good job creating a "creepy new home" story where it seems that the haunting or supernatural events are tied to one specific piece of furniture in the house.


STORYLINE

I thought you did a good job with the story, and managed to create a compelling narrative for both your protagonist who moves into the house, as well as the family from the photograph. You clearly established both storylines in an effective and concise way. Nice job! *Thumbsup*


CHARACTERIZATION

I was particularly impressed with your ability to tie things together and make them pay off, like the iPod. It was such a small detail to have your character listen to an iPod while cleaning, but it was a character detail that also played into the story when he wondered if listening to his music was why he hadn't heard someone taking his clothes out of the wardrobe. Details like that are an excellent way to develop character and further the plot, and you did an excellent job with them.


DIALOGUE

There wasn't a lot of dialogue in this story, but I think you did well with the few lines the story had.


STRUCTURE

You did a good job with the structure of this story. It was paced well and built to a satisfying conclusion, all within a few hundred short words. Nice! *Thumbsup*


TECHNICAL

There were a few odd typos here and there (e.g. "I take a few deep [breaths]"), and the story needs to be proofread for grammatical errors (commas after clauses in a sentence, things like that), but as a whole I found it a very compelling and well-written story. On a note specifically for the contest, please make sure you observe all contest rules when submitting your entry... including addressing the prompt and including a word count with your story. *Wink*


OVERALL

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story. You mentioned in the item description that this is your first horror story; I think it shows a lot of promise, and I'd definitely encourage you to keep writing in this genre and seeing how your talents develop. You're off to a solid start. *Bigsmile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
157
157
Review of Death  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
A new banner for The Dark Society.


*Skull* Official Judges' Review *Skull*


Hi Goldammer -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Sinister Stories Contest, and have enclosed the following review on behalf of "The Dark Society for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.



CONCEPT/PREMISE

I thought you did a good job with the premise of this story. It follows the prompt well and was an interesting way to go with your entry.


STORYLINE

I was hoping for a little more story. While there's no minimum story length requirements, the contest had a maximum length of 5,000 words and I would have loved to have seen some more of those remaining 4,756 words used to develop the characters and expand the story a bit.


CHARACTERIZATION

As a flash fiction piece, I think you did a good job developing and presenting the story, but the one area that really has the potential to suffer in flash fiction is character, since you don't have a lot of words or space to develop a character and present a complex personality to the reader. This is the area of the story where I would have loved to have seen a little more work done, so we can better understand your protagonist's brother and, more importantly, why the protagonist is also on death row for murder when his brother was the one that pulled the trigger.


DIALOGUE

There was only one line of dialogue in the piece, which was effective.


STRUCTURE

The pacing and structure of the story was good; I liked the fact that you started with the present day and then flashed back to what happened to get them there. It was an effective way to tell a story in such a short span of time. *Thumbsup*


TECHNICAL

I didn't find any specific technical errors in the piece. I know you mentioned in the intro description that you're not a native English speaker, but I thought you did a good job with the technical aspects of this piece. Well done! *Smile*


OVERALL

Overall, I think this was a good story and it has a lot of potential. It would be at home in any drama or horror flash fiction contest and I would be very interested to read it if you considered expanding it into a longer piece.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
158
158
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi My Mothers Angel in my Ear -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I can definitely see why this poem won first place in Muse Masters and was published in Shadow Express; it's excellent! I thought you did a really great job with the imagery and the detail in the poem, and your word choice and the structure of the piece is very good.

The only tiny issues I noticed were in the fourth line of the first stanza, where I think "compliment" (a flattering remark) should be "complement" (something that goes well with something else), and "palette" (a thin slab or board on which an artist mixes his colors, or the range of colors, instruments, etc. an artist uses) should be "palate" (a person's appreciation of taste and flavor). I actually debated the "palate vs. palette" issue for a while, but I think since your earlier lines reference tongue, flavor, etc., that the palate relating to flavor is perhaps more appropriate than the palette related to an artist's repertoire of color and tone.

Other than those two homonyms, I thought this was an excellent poem that was evocative, detailed, and very well-written. Nice work! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
159
159
Review of Lest We Judge!  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Fran šŸ…šŸ‡¬šŸ‡§šŸ‡¬šŸ‡§šŸ… -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I thought you did a good job with this poem. The rhyme scheme is good and your imagery and word choices are great. More importantly, I think it's a great piece for its intended audience. I like the fact that you include why and for whom you were writing this piece, as it helps create context for the reader. *Thumbsup*

I did have one issue, which is really more of a question since I'm new to writing and critiquing poetry. I noticed at the bottom that it's cited as "freestyle poetry" but that each quatrain follows an "AABB" rhyme scheme. I think it should be "aabb" because capital letters ("AABB") - I think - refer to lines which don't just have rhyming words, but have identical rhyming words, e.g., "difference/difference" rather than "difference/significance." Also, if it has a rhyme scheme, doesn't that make it automatically not freestyle, which is a lack of any formal structure or meter? Again, I'm new to the poetry game, so I could be wrong, but I think it might more clearly be cited as "Each stanza is a quatrain and I follow an aabb rhyme scheme."

Other than that issue of format and classification, though, I think you did a wonderful job with this poem. I'm particularly impressed with the words you chose to rhyme... many of which are complex and not the easy go-to rhymes that I see in so many poems. Well done! *Thumbsup*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
160
160
Review of To Be or Not  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
shared anniversary image


Hi Max Griffin šŸ³ļøā€šŸŒˆ -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I enjoyed this essay about breaking the writing "rules" and where published authors stand compared to aspiring authors. I know it's a bit of a double-standard, but it's totally true; what an aspiring author may get dinged for in terms of personal voice, stylistic choices, etc., a published author can get away with simply for the fact that they are already established and have a fan base. I thought you did a great job with this article in terms of presenting your argument, providing supporting examples, and arranging it into a cohesive, compelling piece. I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I think you did a great job with it, as is. *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
161
161
Review of My Need to Know  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
shared anniversary image


Hi Sweethonesty -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I've always found curiosity to be a tricky quality... not enough and people label you ignorant, stuck in your ways, or oblivious... too much and you're nosy, annoying, or pesky. It's true what you said, though, that without intense curiosity, we wouldn't have had many of the amazing advancements we've seen by innovators who indulged in their curiosity. Overall, I thought this was a well-written and well-presented essay that was short, to the point, and effective. Nice work! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
162
162
Review of Hidden Qualities  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
shared anniversary image


Hi Troy Jarmes -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

What really struck me about this piece was the well-developed characters you depicted. Both the narrator and Irishka are interesting and engaging, and their relationship is fascinating to watch. The item was a little rough and could use a proofread for technical errors (it's "Champs Elysees" and "Eiffel Tower" is capitalized), but other than that, you're off to a great start and I think you've done a good job of hooking your reader so that he or she wants to follow along with the continuation of the story. *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
163
163
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
shared anniversary image


Hi Noctis -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

Even though this was a very short essay, I think it brings up a lot of really interesting points that challenge the reader to consider. In particular, the fact that the pursuit of intelligence and the desire for our children to be exceptional has become an obsession for many people, as well as the fact that intelligence can be used to both good and bad effect depending on the other circumstances of a person's upbringing and education. Hopefully people will stop mindlessly pursuing exceptional intelligence as a goal in and of itself, start looking at the bigger picture, and start considering that we also need to be teaching our exceptional children what to do with their gifts rather than just chasing the gift itself.

Thanks for the thought-provoking essay! *Bigsmile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
164
164
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
shared anniversary image


Hi Unapologetic Poetess -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I enjoyed reading this essay about the realities of farm life. I didn't grow up on a farm myself, but I do have several people in my extended family who have owned or worked on farms and I remember visiting them as a kid and being shocked at how different their lives were from what I imagined farm life to be. Farm life is definitely tougher than most people imagine, and days can be filled with difficult situations that are completely foreign to outsiders who have never set foot on a farm or handled interactions with animals that closely. Overall, I think this was an engaging, interesting essay. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
165
165
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
shared anniversary image


Hi Archie -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I thought this was a good essay about Robin Williams and really appreciated the fact that it was about more than just Williams' life but also the importance of recognizing and helping people with depression. Depression is a scary affliction that can affect anyone regardless of how successful or outwardly happy they may seem, and if there's one silver lining that's come from losing a beloved icon of the screen it's that hopefully more light will be shed on the struggles he went through so that hopefully others can avoid a similar fate. Nice job on this short and poignant essay! *Thumbsup*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
166
166
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
shared anniversary image


Hi Musician Kristin -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

Overall, I think you did a good job with this essay and the thesis of emphasizing spiritual learning in a world where material things and book learning is so prioritized. I do think, however, that the essay generalized a bit too much and made assumptions that "book learning people" are one specific way and that "spiritual learning people" are another specific way, and I think the reality is that there are a lot of gray areas... book smart people can also be spiritually confident, and spiritually smart people can be ignorant and narrow-minded. You did a great job of making your overall point, but I think the essay would be even stronger if it contemplated the gray areas in between either the blindly book smart or the blindly spiritual. Other than that, I enjoyed this essay. Nice work! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
167
167
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
shared anniversary image


Hi BIG BAD WOLF is Merry -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

This was an interesting article on the topic of honest reviewing. While I certainly agree that honesty is important and that, as reviewers, we must evaluate a particular item on the merits rather than purely on our own personal opinions of whether it's our particular cup of tea, but I think the end of your essay was a bit of a missed opportunity to explain that it's okay to give a low star rating, too. You did a great job of explaining how a reviewer should examine the actual writing elements (technical, story, character, etc.) and weigh the story based on those in addition to merely whether they enjoyed it or not... but that's just one potential situation, i.e., one in which the bizarre and unlikable item is still well-written.

What about items that are not just something unlikable for the reviewer, but also severely lacking in one or more of those areas? You mentioned that someone's "reviewing reputation" could be damaged by sending a low rating. But I think that's only true if the low rating also comes with no explanation or merely a personal, visceral reaction to the piece. I think it's equally important to point out that a low star rating is okay, as long as you give honest feedback about why you chose the star rating you did. Evaluating writing based on the merits of individual elements rather than just gut reaction is important; but I think it's also important not to give people the impression that their reviewing reputation is in jeopardy if they don't rate an item highly. *Smile*

Other than that, I thought this was a compelling piece that brings up a very important aspect of reviewing; sometimes, we all come across items we don't particularly enjoy reading, and it's important to formulate a respectful, honest, helpful review for that author even when the item isn't our particular cup of tea. *Thumbsup*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
168
168
Review of The Mall  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
shared anniversary image


Hi River -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well written and interesting, although there were a few grammatical inconsistencies. For example, even though the majority of the story was told in present tense, there are a few spots where you slipped into past tense, like the following:

There are a few items I need to pick up here and there, but Iā€™m on a mission here[;] Iā€™m out of tea.

And also here:

I tried my best to eat the ice cream with the teensy, weensy spoon,

Other than those tense issues, the rest of the story was well told, I really enjoyed your characters, and you described the setting well. For a short piece, it was an entertaining read. Nice work!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
169
169
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I really enjoyed reading this story. I thought you did a great job telling an entertaining and engaging story. Right from the very beginning, I was interested in the relationship between Feston, Brendora, and Dafyd, and you did a wonderful job establishing each of their characteristics, making them unique and interesting.

I was hoping for a little more resolution to Feston's character... he's so consumed with his relationship with Brendora, I would have loved to see some closure to that storyline, where he doesn't just help her with the serving girl problem, but also acknowledges that she's better off with Dafyd. I think that would really show the change that his character has undergone, and would help the reader root for him even more at the end when he's back from his adventure.

I noticed one place where it seemed like there was a bit of a typo or a lingering part that was subsequently revised:

"Yes, like anywhere outside of this cave."

The queen laughed. "Why would I want that?"a beaut

"Well, maybe for fresh air." The queen looked unconvinced. "Well, then maybe so that other people could see how beautiful you look in all those clothes and jewels."


Other than that, I thought this was a great fantasy story. Nice work! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
170
170
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi kbritton97 -

Thank you for sending me a review request! It's my pleasure to be able to enclose the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I liked the fact that this essay takes the idea of "pleasure" beyond just that of a sexual nature. I think it's important for readers to understand that a hedonistic approach to life can also come in the form of other pleasures besides just sexuality. I do think that the essay does presume that people's motivations for a life that lacks accountability for the pursuit of pleasure is a bit narrow in focus. True, there are people who feel like they are "laws unto themselves" and there are people who feel like "they don't need a conscience to guild themselves anymore," but I also think there are motives that go well beyond the egotistical and sociopathic that you've described. I think there are also people out there who truly believe that they're not hurting anyone with their behavior, and don't see the harm they're doing to themselves and even their loved ones.

Additionally, I think you need to more fully develop and elaborate upon your thesis that technology prevents family values from being instilled in children, as well as the assertion that recent economic and social changes are destroying traditional family values. In what way? How prevalent is this? Why do some families still seem to have strong family values while others don't? Is that purely based on whether the kids have smartphones? When you make large generalized assertions like these, there needs to be some argument or backup in favor of your position so that the reader can understand why you've made that assertion and what data or information your using as the basis of that belief.

I also think that the focus of this essay to be directed a little more. It seems like you're essentially making three different arguments: that we're currently a society that pursues pleasure without any regard for right or wrong (conscience), that we're selfish in our pursuit of pleasure to the point of not holding ourselves accountable for our actions, and that conscience and a sense of moral responsibility is an encumbrance because we must constantly ask ourselves whether our actions are worth the repercussions. While these are all fine topics to explore, I think they need to be more cohesively integrated into the essay. With so many different assertions and angles on this issue, you run the risk of the essay feeling disjointed or scattered unless you really make sure that each concept and assertion organically flows from one to another.

Overall, you're off to a good start. I think this is an important topic that definitely needs more essays and opinions written about it, and you're on the right track here. *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
171
171
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi kbritton97 -

Thank you for sending me a review request! It's my pleasure to be able to enclose the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

This essay was technically well written, and I think you presented your argument about the success of the United States well over the course of the piece. I did, however, think that structurally it could use some work.

At the very beginning, in what's typically a thesis statement or overview of what the essay will be about, you talk about The Civil War and the American Civil Rights Movement, then your second paragraph defines what a revolution is before going into your third paragraph about the Revolutionary War. All of this made the introduction of the essay (and it's whole focus) seem muddled and confusing. I wasn't sure if I was reading an essay about revolution, a specific war, all wars, etc. You ended your essay on a strong note, and I think you need the introduction to be equally strong to really hook your reader.

I also thought that there was a little too much repetition in your sentence structure. Especially toward the body of the essay, the paragraphs started with a general statement about how "[you] don't know much about..." followed with every other sentence starting with "But I do know..." I think that saying things like "I don't know much about the American Revolution" undercuts your authority later in the essay, and starting every sentence the same makes the sentences start to feel tedious toward the end, since there's no variation on how they're presented. Also, I'm not sure "I am not a mathematician" is the right way to start that paragraph about numbers, because the numbers you're listing aren't mathematical calculations; they're just fixed numerical data. It might be more effective to say something like "Numbers aren't my strong suit, but here are some I do know" (even though I still think that undercuts your authority in this piece).

Overall, your content was good and you presented interesting bits of information in an effective way. I think some significant work needs to be done to restructure this essay and make sure all the elements work together cohesively, but you're off to a good start with what you've got here. *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
172
172
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (2.5)
I wanted to send a review to clarify some of my answers to the survey. For answers to #6 and #7, I selected "More GPs" because it was the best of the two answers available, since my motivations to both read a work and provide a longer, more detailed review have nothing to do with the length of the piece. More GPs don't really incentivize me, either, at least not nearly as much as some other things. For example, I'm more inclined to review something if it's in a genre I enjoy reading, if it's from a writer whose work I enjoy, or if it's from someone who took the time to request the review because they know the stuff I read and write and specifically want my feedback. Similarly, I'm more likely to include more a detailed review if a writer is looking for a specific kind of feedback rather than general impressions, and if they give me some idea of where they are in their process with the work (i.e. if it's an early draft they want to make sure is on the right track, or if it's a polished piece they want a final set of eyes on before sending off for publication). GPs alone are a very minor motivating factor when it comes to review requests.

I also mentioned in the survey that for items #9-#12, I selected a GP amount based on the assumption that it were the only thing that piqued my interest about a particular item. Practically speaking, I generally review anything people request assuming I have the time and that it's not a piece of writing that I feel unqualified to review (or is clearly something I don't like to read).

This survey seems geared toward finding out what makes an appealing review request, but I think it makes the assumption that "GPs" is the motivating factor for people considering review requests, or that there's a certain GP number that can be offered to entice a reviewer to review an item no matter what. To be honest - and maybe this is just me - I'm far more motivated by the content, a sense of what the author is looking for, and my general availability than I am by the number of GPs a review will net me.

For the purposes of achieving the best possible feedback to this survey, I would suggest maybe broadening some of those categories, or offering a write-in for people to explain their reasoning. For example, under "What would motivate you more to read/review a work," you could put the two existing answers (More GPs, and Less Length), along with some non-financial motivations like An Explanation of What Kind of Feedback is Desired, or even a None of the Above option or something along those lines. When doing surveys, I think it's generally a good idea to be over-inclusive (having more response options than you think you'll need) rather than under-inclusive, lest you end up with responses like mine where I'm selecting something because the survey requires me to, even though I don't necessarily agree with it. Situations like that may end up giving you biased feedback because it's not necessarily what's true... just what was chosen based on the limited options given.

Good luck with your survey! I admire the fact that you're actively trying to figure out how to make your work more appealing to reviewers. *Smile*
173
173
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (2.5)
A new logo image for the UENG, created December 2013.


Hi BIG BAD WOLF is Merry -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I was a little disappointed that, for a GC erotic story, the one true moment of traditional eroticism was glossed over in the transition between the last installment of the story and this one. With erotica, I think it's important that the reader experience the excitement and allure that the characters feel, and I think it was a lost opportunity here to glance over the first truly pleasurable experience of Julia's time in Lucy's care. Especially since we're approaching a very bizarre fetish (vore) just a few paragraphs later, I think it's essential for Julia's character (and the reader, by extension) to experience some intense pleasure and arousal at the very beginning, so we can understand the appeal of delving a little deeper down the rabbit hole, so to speak.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
174
174
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
A new logo image for the UENG, created December 2013.


Hi BIG BAD WOLF is Merry -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

Since all three of these stories are connected, I'm going to connect the reviews as well, so reading all three will give you a larger picture of the story as a whole. Therefore, I won't go over any suggestions made in other reviews; these will just be additional comments for you to consider.

I feel like Julia is going along with things a little too easily in the story. After being drugged and handcuffed naked to a bed, she's remarkably calm and curious about everything, even still conversational with Lucy, where I think most people would probably be freaking out, trying to escape, breaking down, etc. It felt a little odd to have Julia continue her conversation with Lucy as calmly and casually as if they were still downstairs in the bar.

I think there definitely needs to be a bit of a suspension of disbelief and a healthy curiosity for a character in a story where he or she is venturing into the world of vore, but I think the story also needs to have a grounding in reality in order for it to work... and the interactions between Lucy and Julia should be the realistic element that grounds the more fantastical elements later on.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
175
175
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: GC | (2.5)
A new logo image for the UENG, created December 2013.


Hi BIG BAD WOLF is Merry -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I like the idea of an isolated location being the setting for this type of encounter, and I think you did a good job establishing just how remote and far from help Julia is for her encounter with Lucy. *Thumbsup*

Overall, this really didn't feel like much of an erotic story. I know that it's part of a larger three-part narrative, but I think the item would be better served by either including eroticism in all the installments of a story, or combining all the installments into one item. Otherwise, I think you're going to get a lot of readers who are disappointed by the lack of erotic content in an item labeled as being in the erotica genre.

I also thought that there was a little too much talking in this piece. Another big part of erotica is sensory description, and the reader didn't get much of a sense of the environment or the characters' thoughts beyond their surface-level conversation. I would definitely recommend adding a little more detail about what the characters are feeling, sensing, thinking, etc.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group
"The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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