Well gosh I must say what a intriging title and deeply thought out prose. A dark love, gothic prose, one of favorite types.
You really captured a very sad feeling in this, and I enjoyed this alot, and wow! well bloods of ice, indeed would make one cold hearted, Nice!
I so have some suggestions, That I hope will be helpful.
I call this prose, as I have stated before, not free form poetry. Poetry is always stanzas of some demention, or form, and this is more paragraph and told in letter like imagery.
If you were to edit this into stanzas, as you deem appropiate, and omit alot of the "...." it would make it more expression and a poem, if you intent as by your description was to write a poem.
I would like to show what I mean.
Your wrote:
Rage is a dark taint that comes from the very essence that makes my soul, it spreads taking away the sweet naive girl that used to hang on your every word. . .
The sweet innocent girl thought no one would hurt her. . . that the world is pure But. . . . Now . . .
She's growing colder each passing day every hour every minute. The rage keeps her safe. .
Numbs the pain that breaks her heart into shards of blood red Ice. . . . unshed tears and dreams that are now used to be's. . .
OH!! Very interesting.
As poetry I would have it like this.
Rage is a dark taint,
that comes from the very essence
that makes my soul,
It spreads taking away,
The sweet naive girl
that used to hang on your every word.
The sweet innocent girl thought
no one would hurt her~
that the world is pure.
But. . . . Now . . .
She's growing colder
each passing day
every hour every minute.
The rage keeps her safe. .
Numbs the pain that
breaks her heart
into shards of blood red...
Ice. . . . unshed tears and dreams that are now used to be. . .
Basically all I did was chop your great expression of a child abused by love, tainted by the coldness of a broken heart into smaller lines, not sentences, making your static a free form poem.
Stanzas usually have four lines.
Couplets two lines.
I am in no means know all there is to poetry, and really enjoyed this static you shared with me and all other members here. I hope you enjoy all WDC has, and if you ever have any questions, never fear my stains.
We are so happy to have you amist us Tex Creative love! dark, morid and almost nuturing. Bravo! In all the affection loving the dark gives.
The title made me think of some old couple driving a u-haul across country, Strange I know.
This is great. The opening is fast paced and truely draws the reader in, in a drama filled dialogue, of a apparent car crash. Suspenseful and wonderfully edited.
Only dear for me Shannon, I found the italics, made it harder to read.
I honestly thought this would have a happy ending. WOW! Relatable and honestly told. I could really see this happening, and feel the loss.
Congratulations dear on being "Simply Postive top reviewer! and Woot! Going Moderator yesterday too! I must say! You look fab!
This is delightful! and I could really could relate to this, living way up here in Canada, and knwoing snow all to weel, and being trapped in our breathtaking acts of nature.
You use some great imagery.
The hayfield was frosted with jellyrolls of wind-blown snow.
Jellyrolls of snow?! What a neat description Jaye.
Ten days house bound! I would have more than cabin fever if it was me. Oh my!! Thanks! for sharing some very well told stories with me.
Again dear! Congratulations on being a Simply Postive Reviewer! *bigmsile*
Neat yet simple title dear, you don't leave anything to the imagination yet it is kinda quirky, almost childlike in its clear impressions.
I well told small story from the eyes of turtle. I enjoyed it, and was really involved in the tutle's struggle to cross the road for whatever he smelled so luring on the other side.
Those evil word counts can really hinder depth in stories and only I would loved to see his of gotten his prize. Thanks for sharing, and wonderfully told!
Love is so very blind. I totally agree! It is held by no walls, no hate, no distruct, for that said, you poem, in its quite unique imagery in relatable. We all whould reach into the flame, the fires of a intense realtionship, blind to the pain, the buring of ourselves, innocence lost in the huge bowl of love.
This has a very sad feel to it Kim, I could imagine one loving, despite all the hard times onlt to lose that one to death. The lines are quite straightforward and simply expressed, yet deep and powerful in the story told! Powerful poem Kim.
Keep the poems coming! This one is "Simply Positive"
The way you presented this poem Joy it just something in itself, it looks like noise. How creative and unique dear, and what a powerful ending! That leaves one alot to ponder. all good pondering too.
I think line one you mean to say "stop" not "stoop".
Great poem! I liked this alot. Thanks for sharing with me.
Wow! This is just wonderful! I even read it to my sister who is here darkskye and we are both smiling!
I love a poem, that tells like a story, in its clarity, and simply imagery. this is so relatable. I really could see all this ahppening, the intense feelings that would be sparked by such a wrong against one person for standing tall.
I must thanks ~Vikki~ for selecting this unigue poem for this week's "Simply postive" This is great!
Not quite what I am used to I will be honest and in that I think I enjoyed this more. The ending is just delightful! It truely brings all the imagery together in a neat dark package. To be abused, kidnapped, murdered withing a church, Oh La La! Creative Aralls!
Thanks again for entering. I wish ya luck and Know that I will reread you entry after closing.
You describe fear in a very unique way, with a sneaky rhymne that lingers almost invisible at times, you are right though fear is taught.
I so have some suggestions that I hope will impriove on thsi well written poem, in its almost gothic imagery, only those evil typos we all hate here and are all stalked by.
Third line, "me" should be "my"
Seventh line, insert a comma after "know" it a pause in your sentence.
Eighth line,"are" is not needed.
Nice insight here. Thanks for sharing this neat poem with me and please do Write On!!
Delightfully silly poem Ben, I liked the quiet humor to it, and could really see the simply imagery of a not quite dark Vlad, the birthright of Dracula indeed, if one follows the myths of vampires.
I am not comfortable with forms, and see this as a hard form indeed. I hope to be helpful only.
This seems almost like lyrics, with the repeating within it, and I know how hard rhyming can be, keeping in context and flow, I enjoyed this alot, only found you seem to force to keep the form in spots.
You wrote:
The first time I met you, I knew that we two
Were entwined - by each other were fed.
I read this outloud for I for a wee tonguetied, and it seems to be worded off. Perhaps~ By each other "we" were fed."
I don't think you need a comma after "alone" third quintet, first line.
Enjoyable poem Ben. I always love to read other's muse of a darker nature, and very different form. You are very brave for attempting it, and succeeding with a great poem!
I hope my review was helpful, and Thank you very much Ben for sharing your darkside!
Enjoyable small simple poem Sophie. About a puppy. This actually reminds me of my cat, for he does all these things, and always seems deeply bothered when I am sad.
Sounds like a neat contest, and you wrote a delightful poem. Thanks for sharing.
Simply wonderful poem dear! I love the honesty of it, and the sweet ending that wraps it all in such a pretty bow.
Darkness in not for everyone, and you created a poem that expresses the feeling of a brighter poet, like yourself with the most understandle, melody like feelings I have come across in a very long time. I would be in this boat with you dear, only in the dark. I have tried many times to be lighter and well it is not meant to be.
My soul is filled with sunshine and warmth,
where dark beings could never survive;
sunshine that glows from within my heart
and makes me glad that I am alive, so...
So! You in words Nancy! Superb! This is why your Daizy.
Wonderful Kim! I fear stories and you present this so well. I am tempted to try, .
It is a delightful idea, truely. A whole 24 hours to write a story, to a prompt that comes totally secret. I am getting a chill just thinking of it, oh the horror!
This is your last review dear, from your "Welcome Package" gifted to you from simply_complex Welcome to "Circle of Sisters"
The Plam reader says ALOT! in this beauty! You decribe the teller wonderfully, I really could imagine her, her looks the sound of her voice, to the life of the experience, the feels of chnage as the crads are flipped and change happen, uncrontable and sudden.
I am in awe! with all the imagery your poems ooze Joy! and will return soon for more! Thanks for sharing!
Here is you fourth review from your "Welcome Package" gifted to you from simply_complex
Red, White and Blue! Known all the over world, the colors of the american country. You share you love for your country strongely in this poem Joy.
Wonderful about this small poem is we all can relate in out own thoughts to our own flags, and grow a wee bit bigger insight to you, for sharing what you see in yours. That I'm sure many see also.
Great poem! Thanks for sharing all your poetry with me JoY! You truely are very descriptive!
This is your third review from your "Welcome package" out of five. gifted to you from simply_complex\
Oh! My muse perked!
This is a wee itsy bitsy tiny gloomy! You touch the dark delighfully in this beauty Joy and OH! I adore it!
You describe the sky, as a insect on all fours, replusive.. the shimmering of light as eyeballs staring, bodyless from above... worms, rebirth! Oh! and all in just th earth, the sky the birth of spring!
Then the gardener, steeping into all this poignant imagery, only to be chased out by the rain. This is my fav! so far! and Gosh! i am delighted to be in your port!
Well! I was lost in this, not lost in confusion but for teh powerful so complex imagery in this. You describe a stone on the baech, will personality and feelings, express some complicated imagery~
to rise afterwards in
water, knee-deep,
to lean against
an anchored boat,
to catch your breath,
and to pick underwater
stones
Hmm..*wonder* well I saw a conflict of things, and to me that is wonderful! I love poetry that challenges simple imagery and your muse SO! oozed in this poem Joy!
I hope I got this as ya intended Joy., but I do give this a five for my conflict. Why? Well I see no errors, no spelling, garmmar, mechanical, and while I am no poetry expect, I see poetry as an expression on one's own muse, and no two people see the same thing, and if one does no see that same does it make the other wrong? Nope!
Thanks for sharing Joy! Welcome to Circle of Sisters! from simply_complex!
Well this is wonderfully written, and almost epic like poem. You tell of "She", someone to me, seems to be looking but also hiding at the same time. Someone who has is getting overrun with life, and in running the racing river of everyday life, only to in the end, trip and drown in it.
I will admit I am not sure what "Dali's clocks" is, and I'm sure if is a huge part of the imagery in this neat poem. I adore how in every stanza you end the final though as almost a contradition to all the stanza described.
You describe her a flame. Very neat. Indecisions flickering, amlost snuffed byt the weight of not knowing what road to take, in the maze of road that lie at our feet.
"Still a door".. well this simply made me curious.*wonder* I have been reading alot of poems about a door in some way or other, and each always is so different from the one before.
This is so, symbolic! Wonderful! I saw so much in this I am not really suer where to start! You used the door to symbolize, a broken soul, someone so abused, so depression, that they have unwillingly closed the door to their inner most feelings in an attempt to protect what liitle reamins of their heart, but only to realize after that door is closed that they are suffering cut off from those who who would help them heal.
Whether it be physical, emotional or even just well... well this iswhat my morbid muse sees I'm sure Leggy, someone possessed, touched the fires of hell, trapped in the warmth that slowly cooks their soul, torn, from the battle of crontol, still aware enough to see the light, their quardian angel to pick them up from the cold floor, someone to come beat down that broken door.
This is so much! You really must write more poetry Leggy! No often do I get so much from small poems, and this is just sweet! as in wonderful written Leggy.
I do though have a suggestion, that I offer in the most humble way.
Second line, first stanza. When I read it, it seems choppy like you forgot a word.
"Can't begin tell you how or even give a clue"
Perhaps if you insert "to" after begin.
Great poetry, one for those who look to chew on a intensely decripitive imagery, rated E for everyone.
Thanks for sharing Leggy! and like I said since I see it has been a while since you graced Wdc with a poem, you are great and should write some more! ooze your muse a little....
Helllo, Wyn - missing III This is you last review from me, but I am sure you will see me around, for I love reading great poetry like yours.
This is sad yet somewhat happy, in the message told and all too true, When I puppy or dog gets lost. One can really realte to the puppy's feelings in this poem and that is a nice touch to show his side of the event. I liek how you brode it into two couplets, it made it clearer and more bolder in the imagery given.
This has a fantastic ending and to me has such a classic old fashioned poetry feel to it. Like sitting a grampie's lap and hearing a wonderful grand fairytale. This makes perfect sense and you leave nothing to one's imagation.
Rhymnes great! and very well written!
I am enjoying your poetry greatly Wyn! Thanks for sharing your muse with Me, and "Simply Postive".
Oh! Such a opposite outlook on my own poem! Very touching, and true in it feelings of sadness, feeling lost, but hope. There is always hope. For Jesus gave his life, so they we may free from sin, and have hope that believing in his life, we will see heaven.
God's message is strong. Live in my image, and you shall find peace, and so painful was the cross Jesus had to bear, that we all still bear today.
Very spiritual poem Countrymom. I like the message told, and the delightful fast paced rhymned you gave this poem. I see no errors, and Wish ya all the luck! in Sher's contest!
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I found a so funny!! 
Relatable and honestly told. I could really see this happening, and feel the loss. 
someone possessed, touched the fires of hell, trapped in the warmth that slowly cooks their soul, torn, from the battle of crontol, still aware enough to see the light, their quardian angel to pick them up from the cold floor, someone to come beat down that broken door.