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Public Reviews
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Review of Black Hole  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello mARi♥BusyWithWork ! I read "Black Hole on behalf of "Invalid Item, and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:This is truly a dark poem my dear. Would make anybody shiver on a dark, cold night and to be afraid to go out alone.


Effectiveness of Form:The images that are provided by your lines really add a dramatic flair to the whole piece. The reader can feel the emptiness that surrounds the main character, and the hopelessness they must be feeling. They can't see whats around them, they can only feel the dread that seems to be everywhere. My favorite part, and the part that I think gives this piece a sucker punch is the last stanza. It's truly startling to find out where the main character actually is.


Punctuation and Grammar:I would consider getting rid of some of the punctuation in this piece. Especially the exclamation marks. They don't really add much to the poem, and each time a read comes across one, they pause. I think the poem would flow much better with less punctuation, only in places where you want the reader to stop and think about what they read. This is only my suggestion of course!


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for writing such a great piece! Write on!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello ShiShad ! I read "Wish You Were here on behalf of Simply Positive and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:A sweet, touching tribute poem to a son who has been lost to you. The reader can feel the love, the heartache, and regret that lingers in every word, ini every line.


Effectiveness of Form:This had to be very hard to write, but probably therapeutic at the same time. Letting others know of your pain and loss, but remembering the good times too. All that has been accomplished and all the twill continue on. It was nice to hear that his memory lives on in his son, his appearance that helps ease the heartache. It was a sad moment when you thought your son would think you forgot about him, just because you can't visit as often as you would like. I'm sure he understand.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal piece with us.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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28
Review of Hotly Scored  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Leger~ ! I read "Hotly Scored on behalf of Simply Positive and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:A great poem that brings to my mind the suffering one does for lost love, or for a love that is not returned. The reader can feel the desperation and pain that each try brings.


Effectiveness of Form:The very short lines, and short paragraphs emphasis how desperate this person is to reach whomever they are trying to reach. The flame reminded me of the flame of love that is flicking as two lovers draw apart. Then I read on and it sounds like one person may have died and left the other alone to suffer. A very abstract piece.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for the great read and keep on Writing!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of My Ex-Dog Blue  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello huntersmoom! I read "My Ex-Dog Blue on behalf of "Invalid Item, and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:Ah, another fun piece from you. Your humor is quite infection my friend. I had a smile on my face as I read this piece. It also reminded me a little too much of my silly dog. He never has learned to bring me the dang ball, he'll go and fetch it, but I have to chase him to get it back.


Effectiveness of Form:What a great way to work in ducks. I never wold have thought of that, I probably would have written about rubber ducks or something. I had to laugh at the image of the dog and duck going south together, just because Blue can't give up the chase. Your rhyming was well done. It didn't seemed forced like a lot of poems that try to rhyme everything does. It added to the humor, if nothing else.


Punctuation and Grammar:None.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for the laugh my dear!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of A Man of Honor  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi huntersmoom! After reading your wonderful story "Invalid Item on behalf of "Invalid Item, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:A truly well told tale of the sea, a captain,, and the boy that learned who he was, and how to survive. A truly remarkable story just from a picture.


*Note2*What I Liked:I felt like I was reading one of those sea tales you find in old books, that how accurate all the details seemed to me. Of course, I'm no natucal lady either. *Smile* I felt for the characters, they weren't just characters, they were real people. They cried, laughed, suffered and grew. The reader, along with Billy, learned about life at sea, about a captain that seemed to be the epitome of honor, and a ship that is both mother and teacher to all. The ship was a character herself, which is often overlooked by those that have no understanding of what it is like for seamen. They often have no family, so the crew is their family, and the ship that keeps them save from all harm, their mother. I really liked the fact that you didn't go into a lot of detail about their adventures, but you gave us enough that we understood that Billy grew up learning the way of the sea. The ending was incredible, you had the reader at the edge of their seat, and watching it all go down. The best ending that you could ever want. Billy knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life, and the captain went the way he always wanted to, with is lady.


*Note3*Suggestions:None that I can think of.


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:There were some instances that the phrasing just didn't seem quite right. For instance: "As years passed, his reputation always followed with a fair wind." Made me scratch my head a bit.

*Star*A wonderful story, that really reels the reader in *sorry couldn't resist *Smile*, and brings them to a different time and place.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Unwanted  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hello mARi♥BusyWithWork ! I read "Unwanted on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy and Packages Soaring Your Way,and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:A truly dark and depressing poem my dear. I got tears in my eyes and shivers down my spine.


Effectiveness of Form:The reader can feel the poor girls confusion, her desperation at being left behind, by the person that is supposed to love her no matter what. I really want to slap the man, just because his wife died giving birth to his child does not mean he should hate her. Unfortunately, this does happen, which makes this piece all the more true. I particularly enjoyed the part where she is praying with a smile on her face right before she died, it has a nice ironic twist to it.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:A truly sad and well heart breaking piece. Write on!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of A Love Triangle?  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi mARi♥BusyWithWork ! After reading your wonderful story "A Love Triangle? on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy and Packages Soaring Your Way!, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:Ahhh a girl after my own heart. *Smile* I started out just as you did, reading first, then the sired of writing caught my attention. Except, stories were the thing that caught my attention, not poetry. I blush now when I go back and reat those childish pieces of work, but it shows how much I have grown. Plus, you really don't want to see my bookcases, yes more then one, that are FILLED with books.


*Note2*What I Liked:You let the reader into your life, letting them see how you became th person you are. How reading and writing has shaped you. You did this in a very comprehensive manner, first starting out with how reading caught you, then explaining how writing called you too. I liked how you said that even though you enjoy writing, reading will always be your first love. I feel the same way. I do believe that you can't be a writer unless you read, and you showed how many writers first start out. By reading the works of others. Even though you did read your schoolbooks. *Smile*


*Note3*Suggestions:None.


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:None that I noticed.

*Star*Keep enjoying your two loves, reading and writing!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of April Summer  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hello Harry ! I read "April Summer on behalf of Simply Positive, and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:A very fun poem to read, and I had to sympathize, I hate those hot days. I don't know about Dallas, but in Minnesota it sure can get really, really hot. Combine that with humidity, and I hate summer.


Effectiveness of Form:A very free form piece that told a tale of the horrid summer heat. I love the metaphors, like the one about the down quilt coming over you and smotheirng you. That is exactly what a really warm day feels like. then I laughed at the bird and you thinking that it shoudln't wear black on such a day, like it had a choice! My favorite part had to be the end, where the guy made the stupidest comment. I'm surprised you didn't raise an eyebrow at him at least.


Punctuation and Grammar:All good to me.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for the fun piece.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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34
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi Just an Ordinary Boo! ! After reading your wonderful story "Invalid Item on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:What a fun tale of the love that happens between people and dogs.


*Note2*What I Liked:I had to laugh at how Tulip got her name, and all the stories that came with it. The reader really got a feel for the sweet pug, full of mischief and plenty of love for all. I really enjoyed how your grandfather, grandmother, and the rest of the family pretended that they didn't like her, when they were all attached to the little fuzzball of terror. I can relate too, because my dog is a major chewer too. It's rather embarrassing and annoying when you find something you really loved chewed up. I also had a tear in my eye when you were putting her to sleep. Although there was a small smile of my face when Tulip was chewing on Pup's ear.


*Note3*Suggestions:None that I can think of.


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:Nothing I noticed.

*Star*Thanks for a sweet story.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Kayla  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Sophy ! I read "Kayla on behalf of Simply Positive, and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:An interesting poem from a dogs point of view when they see their owners in pain.


Effectiveness of Form:The free verse form lent the poem the freedom to move with the emotions that you, the dog, are feeling. You painted the picture of a dog trying to cheer up the person they love perfectly. I especially liked the part where you said that they knocked things off the coffee table with their tail to cheer up their person. This poem is a tribute to our best friends, that are with us through everything.


Punctuation and Grammar:None.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for such a sweet piece.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of WHY AM I A NURSE?  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello Carlotta/Takg Leave of Absense ! I read "WHY AM I A NURSE? on behalf of Just Because I Want To, and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:I can tell how much you enjoy your profession, although, like you said, it can be a chore at times. It has to be frustrating to be doing all you can and still get yelled at by patients that are cranky and an administration that is overwhelmed. I sort of wanted to be a nurse, but alas, my eye condition has prevented that one. Nobody want's a blind nurse. *Smile*


Effectiveness of Form:The rhyming gave this a rhythm and made the whole piece more lighthearted. I liked how you gave your reasons for being a nurse, and then you also gave some of the downsides too. But the greatest reward you could ever receive is a smile on a patients face after you help them feel better. OH and the hugs from the little kids, that always has to be nice. It takes a special kind of person to do that profession, and I take my hat off to you.


Punctuation and Grammar:The capitalization for every word started to detract me from the poem. I was starting to just look at the caps and not pay attention to the actual words. I would suggest getting rid of the caps on all the words and may just either start each line with a caps or maybe the first line of every stanza. Otherwise, well done!


*Star*Closing Comments:Thank you for sharing your love of your profession with us.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of AMONG FRIENDS  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello SHERRI GIBSON ! I read "AMONG FRIENDS and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:Another heartwarming piece from you. Full of love for your freinds, who are more like family to you. I could tell how much you care for each one, even though none are named.


Effectiveness of Form:I really enjoyed how you started each stanza the same: "Among Friends" It really ties the piece together and adds a special something to it. You expanded upon what friendship means to you and how it affects you. It reaches out to enfold everyone in a nice, warm, embrace.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for sharing such a sweet poem with us!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of DEEPLY LOVED  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello SHERRI GIBSON ! I read "DEEPLY LOVED and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:A sweet peom about how love can affect you. A subject that everyone can relate too.


Effectiveness of Form:The reader can feel how much you treasure Love and how it has impacted your life. There isn't much imagery present, just plain emotion. I really enjoyed how you gave examples of what love cna do, it added substance to the poem.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thank you for sharing such a sweet poem with us.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Protect and Serve  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi usmc329 ! After reading your wonderful story "Protect and Serve on behalf of Simply Positive, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:A wonderful piece that tells the reader all about what it must be like to have to serve as a public servant. How the stress of their professions can influence thier lives, and yet they wouldn't change it for the world


*Note2*What I Liked:I enjoyed how you got into the public servants heads, imaginging what they must feel when they go out every day to do their job. You gave several examples of what is expected of them, and how often they are called into duty. You tell it like it is, how these people must drop what they are doing when an emergency happens. This doesn't leave them much time to spend with family and friends. The worst thing about it is they know this may be the last day of their life.


*Note3*Suggestions:I would consider getting rid of some of your commas you have. It gets a little distracting seeing so many commas in such a small piece.

I would also think about telling the reader that this is their honor to do this, because they chose this position. Nobody forced them to do this, they felt like it was their duty to help this great country. It's hinted at here, just not in depth.

In this piece you use the world they a lot. I would consider mixing it up, you could say These public servants, or even an example like a police officer or a firefighter.

"Once the devil's children become accountable for their devilish deeds," The use of the same sort of words in tow sentences tends to demean the meaning of them. You could say something like "Once the devil's children becom accountable for their sins" or something like that.


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:I already mentioned the use of the commas already. Other then that, not much else.

*Star*Thank you for expressing your gratitude for a profession that many forget about. Write on!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Be Like Nature  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello jaya ! I read "Be Like Nature on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy, and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:What a terrific poem! It reminds the reader to just sit back and realx for a while, that the world is a wonderful place to be in. We need this reminder, since the world seems to be such an unfriendly place nowadays. This poem made my day a little happier, a little lighter, and best of all, brought a smile to my face.


Effectiveness of Form:I liked the metaphor of you comparing nature to humans. Letting us know that we should be more like nature, more fluid and understanding. The world would be a much better place if we did, if we let go of hatred and had more love and understanding for our fellow man. I enjoyed the free flowing, almost bouncy feel to this piece.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:What a great poem to read on a sunny day! Keep on Writing.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Grace  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello SonofDrogo ! I read "Grace and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:A strong, powerful message about how nature is an extention of the Lord and how much he loves us. The reader coudln't help but feel serene while reading this piece, and walk away with a smile.


Effectiveness of Form:A very descriptive poem indeed. I could see the pine trees and the mountain river running through them, almost taste the crisp, clean air. Then the reader can feel the profoundness of what has been given to us, with just a few words. It's hard to remember, someties, where all this lovely nature comes from.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:Keep on writing such lovely poems.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of My House  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Ida_Matilda_Wright Help ! I read "My House on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy, and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:This made me laugh and think at the same time, a rather nice paradox. I think we all have had this happen, let the house get a little too far gone, and then have company come over. We don't want to let them come in, to see how messy and how distressed we are, so we just makes excuses.


Effectiveness of Form:You captured the essence of how when a person gets depressed, they let everything slide. It reflects on everything around them, and they don't want anyone to know. It's also rather humourus with the last line: "Your visit doesn't have, to be standing on my lawn!" This made me laugh, a perfect ending. The short lines were perfect for this piece. Letting the reader feel the exasperation that the writer does.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for sharing this humorous piece with us. Write on!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Embrace  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hello LdyPhoenix ! I read "Embrace on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:This was a great piece that speaks of the tenderness of loves first time. The fear, the excitement, the lust, and all those other emotions too numerous to mention.


Effectiveness of Form:This sucks the readers in, making them feel like they are the characters. They are the ones feeling what the man and woman are. Because you do have both points of view. It's also a little on the cliche side, with the strong male taking the weak female. But it's done in such a way that you really don't mind.


Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.


*Star*Closing Comments:Thanks for this wonderful poem! Write one!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of A Tale of Pennies  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi LdyPhoenix ! After reading your wonderful story "A Tale of Pennies on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:A truly heartrending piece. A tale of an older man who seems to have Alzheimers, and thinking that his nurse is his lost wife. She sings the one song that will relax him, and he drifts off to sleep, more peaceful and comforted in a long time.


*Note2*What I Liked:The raw emotion of this story was felt with every paragraph written. The reader feels a connection immediately and is sucked in from the first word. The characters are believable, in fact it reminded me of seeing my grandma who had this disease. You kept him in character without making it unbelievable. I really enjoyed the nurse though, she was prefect. This is who we want to care for our relatives, someone who will go above and beyond the call of duty to help their patients. IT also seems like he helped her. There is a slight mention of some sort of trauma that happened to her voice. And singing that one song that helped the older gentlemen made her realize that it was back.


*Note3*Suggestions:I can't really think of anything, except I wanted more, since it was such a sweet story. The reader wants to see this woman go through out her day, does she treat all her patients like this? I know this is a flash fiction, and it's incredibly well done for such a short piece!


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:None that I noticed.

*Star*Thanks for tugging on our heartstrings, this was a wonderful piece. Write On!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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45
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Chained ! After reading your wonderful story "Why I like Martial Arts, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:This is an essy about whey the writers enjoy's Martial Arts. It gives specific reasons on how it can improve your life.


*Note2*What I Liked:This was written in a fairly cohesive order, running from one point to the next. The reasons why you enjoy Martial Arts are clearly stated, and backed by your feelings. The topic is clearly marked and it doesn't stray from that topic. The paragraphs flow somewhat smoothly from one to another, although they could use some work.


*Note3*Suggestions:I would think about not using the word "Martial Arts" so much, It gets repitative and starts to annoy the reader.

There are several tims in this piece where you used the same word twice back to back. An example of this is in the first sentence in the second paragraph. "In class a student learns discipline through listening and focus. One way to learn discipline is through listening." I would consider rewriting to to something like: "In class, a student learns dicipline through listening." Then you can talk about how being able to listen helps you improve.


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:In the third paragraph you mention he all the time. I do believe woman can also do martial arts, *Smile* so consider changing it to they or them.

Like I mentioned above, try thinging of different words and way to write the sentence so Martial Arts.

*Star*Keep on Writing and enjoy your martial arts!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of LIGHT  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Miss Natalie ! I read "LIGHT on behalf of the Frontliners and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:This reminds me of how beautiful friendship can be. How one person can mean so much to someone else even though they don't think they are special. I also had to smile at this piece sine my normal handle name is Jewel of Arabia. I'm supporting different authors right now for the Angel Army.


Effectiveness of Form:A very descriptive piece, with the light shining down on us all, making those jewels sparkle. It reminds us that we all of our own special traits, and that it just takes that certain someone to bring them out. We may have to dig a bit, but they will eventually be found.


Punctuation and Grammar:I would think about adding some punctuation to this piece. One good place where the reader naturally takes a break is after "under a stone", maybe add a comma there?

I would consider adding a period after "The light getting brighter"

Maybe a comma or period after "something to someone" just to make the reader pause for a moment?


*Star*Closing Comments:A wonderful piece, shining light upon everyone. Keep on Writing!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Quick As A Flash  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi LdyPhoenix ! After reading your wonderful story "Quick As A Flash, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:A sweet story of a frustrated young man searching for that perfect picture that will jump start his career as a photographist.


*Note2*What I Liked:I loved how you made Max so frustrated and stressed at the beginning. The reader can feel the frustration just pouring of of him in waves. The beginning catches our interest, we want to know what the big dilemma is and how it is going to be resolved. The story flowed well from one paragraph to the next with no break in characterization. I had to go awwww when you were describing the baby and his mom, having fun. I agree with Max, that is the description of joy.


*Note3*Suggestions:I would think about using he instead of Max all the time in the beginning. It started to get a little redundant. I was like, okay I know his name. But otherwise a well done piece, especially since you only had a few words to work with.


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:Nothing that jumped out at me.

*Star*I appreciate everything that you do!

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of HEROES  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Oldwarrior ! After reading your wonderful story "HEROES, I offer these comments:

*Note1*First Impressions:This is a truly deep and personal piece, telling the community as a whole the horrors that goes on during a war. You remind us that it is NOT a glamourous occupation. It is, in fact, a terrifying and downright horrible experience.


*Note2*What I Liked:This was very well put together. It flowed from one point to the next without any visible stops or straying from the topic at hand. You put your own opinions there, but they were well backed up with the facts. You didn't skimp on any of the details, telling it the way it is. There is nothing that the average person can imagine that compared to war. That being a hero is not glamorous and often quite deadly. You reminded the reader of the trauma the soldier goes through, how much they have to battle after the war is over. Some never truly conquer their demons, and even if you do, you are changed.


*Note3*Suggestions:None that I can really think of. It was very well constructed.


*Note4*Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:Nothing really jumped out at me. This was well constructed.

*Star*Thank you Oldwarrior, for letting us, once again, get to know a small piece of who you are.

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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Review of Whore  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Wow this may be a short poem, but it is packed with emotion. Telling a tale of a woman and a man, the man seems to be using the woman for his own needs, not caring what she thinks or needs herself. And yet there is something else hidden there, a small inkling of love or maybe understanding. They seem to fit together, filling something that each one lacks. Not exactly sure what since it's not touched on in this poem. Well done my dear!
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Review of The Rose  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hello 🌜 HuntersMoon ! I read "The Rose and I offer you this review:


Emotional Impact:This was, indeed, a dark and grisly tale. It reminded me that the Old West wasn't as romantic as everyone would let you believe. Horrible things happened during that time. The reader feels sorry for "The Rose" and how tragiclly her life was cut short.


Effectiveness of Form:This poem had an almost sing-song quality to it. A nice rhyme and rhythem. I enjoyed the AA BB scheme that you had going on. The images were fairly clear, of an old town and a ghost story that goes with it. I could picture a young woman roaming the streets with vengeance on her mind. I had to laugh at the part where some men were missing 'parts'. She got her revenge alright.


Punctuation and Grammar:There was one area that I thought could be changed a bit. The first line, I would change street to streets. It just sounds better. Otherwise, the punctuation is great!


*Star*Closing Comments:What a great piece to read, and it is totally different from you comedy! *Smile*

Jewel Busy Busy Busy!
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