Hi LdyPhoenix! After reading your wonderful story "A Tale of Pennies" on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy, I offer these comments:
First Impressions:A truly heartrending piece. A tale of an older man who seems to have Alzheimers, and thinking that his nurse is his lost wife. She sings the one song that will relax him, and he drifts off to sleep, more peaceful and comforted in a long time.
What I Liked:The raw emotion of this story was felt with every paragraph written. The reader feels a connection immediately and is sucked in from the first word. The characters are believable, in fact it reminded me of seeing my grandma who had this disease. You kept him in character without making it unbelievable. I really enjoyed the nurse though, she was prefect. This is who we want to care for our relatives, someone who will go above and beyond the call of duty to help their patients. IT also seems like he helped her. There is a slight mention of some sort of trauma that happened to her voice. And singing that one song that helped the older gentlemen made her realize that it was back.
Suggestions:I can't really think of anything, except I wanted more, since it was such a sweet story. The reader wants to see this woman go through out her day, does she treat all her patients like this? I know this is a flash fiction, and it's incredibly well done for such a short piece!
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:None that I noticed.
Thanks for tugging on our heartstrings, this was a wonderful piece. Write On!
First Impressions:This is an essy about whey the writers enjoy's Martial Arts. It gives specific reasons on how it can improve your life.
What I Liked:This was written in a fairly cohesive order, running from one point to the next. The reasons why you enjoy Martial Arts are clearly stated, and backed by your feelings. The topic is clearly marked and it doesn't stray from that topic. The paragraphs flow somewhat smoothly from one to another, although they could use some work.
Suggestions:I would think about not using the word "Martial Arts" so much, It gets repitative and starts to annoy the reader.
There are several tims in this piece where you used the same word twice back to back. An example of this is in the first sentence in the second paragraph. "In class a student learns discipline through listening and focus. One way to learn discipline is through listening." I would consider rewriting to to something like: "In class, a student learns dicipline through listening." Then you can talk about how being able to listen helps you improve.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:In the third paragraph you mention he all the time. I do believe woman can also do martial arts, so consider changing it to they or them.
Like I mentioned above, try thinging of different words and way to write the sentence so Martial Arts.
Hello Miss Natalie! I read "LIGHT" on behalf of the Frontliners and I offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:This reminds me of how beautiful friendship can be. How one person can mean so much to someone else even though they don't think they are special. I also had to smile at this piece sine my normal handle name is Jewel of Arabia. I'm supporting different authors right now for the Angel Army.
Effectiveness of Form:A very descriptive piece, with the light shining down on us all, making those jewels sparkle. It reminds us that we all of our own special traits, and that it just takes that certain someone to bring them out. We may have to dig a bit, but they will eventually be found.
Punctuation and Grammar:I would think about adding some punctuation to this piece. One good place where the reader naturally takes a break is after "under a stone", maybe add a comma there?
I would consider adding a period after "The light getting brighter"
Maybe a comma or period after "something to someone" just to make the reader pause for a moment?
Closing Comments:A wonderful piece, shining light upon everyone. Keep on Writing!
First Impressions:A sweet story of a frustrated young man searching for that perfect picture that will jump start his career as a photographist.
What I Liked:I loved how you made Max so frustrated and stressed at the beginning. The reader can feel the frustration just pouring of of him in waves. The beginning catches our interest, we want to know what the big dilemma is and how it is going to be resolved. The story flowed well from one paragraph to the next with no break in characterization. I had to go awwww when you were describing the baby and his mom, having fun. I agree with Max, that is the description of joy.
Suggestions:I would think about using he instead of Max all the time in the beginning. It started to get a little redundant. I was like, okay I know his name. But otherwise a well done piece, especially since you only had a few words to work with.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:Nothing that jumped out at me.
This is truly a sweet poem. I could just see a young child running through some flowers, laughing as they came to you with sparkling eyes. The love that is infused in every word is sure to warm even the coldest heart. This is a piece that shows you love and devotion to being a mother, how it fills your life. I enjoyed the fact that you used the phrase Happiness floods by hear, whenever you call my name. Although I do think you could separate the poem to different stanzas whenever you start a line with that. Just an idea! Write on.
Hi Oldwarrior! After reading your wonderful story "HEROES" , I offer these comments:
First Impressions:This is a truly deep and personal piece, telling the community as a whole the horrors that goes on during a war. You remind us that it is NOT a glamourous occupation. It is, in fact, a terrifying and downright horrible experience.
What I Liked:This was very well put together. It flowed from one point to the next without any visible stops or straying from the topic at hand. You put your own opinions there, but they were well backed up with the facts. You didn't skimp on any of the details, telling it the way it is. There is nothing that the average person can imagine that compared to war. That being a hero is not glamorous and often quite deadly. You reminded the reader of the trauma the soldier goes through, how much they have to battle after the war is over. Some never truly conquer their demons, and even if you do, you are changed.
Suggestions:None that I can really think of. It was very well constructed.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:Nothing really jumped out at me. This was well constructed.
Thank you Oldwarrior, for letting us, once again, get to know a small piece of who you are.
Emotional Impact:This was, indeed, a dark and grisly tale. It reminded me that the Old West wasn't as romantic as everyone would let you believe. Horrible things happened during that time. The reader feels sorry for "The Rose" and how tragiclly her life was cut short.
Effectiveness of Form:This poem had an almost sing-song quality to it. A nice rhyme and rhythem. I enjoyed the AA BB scheme that you had going on. The images were fairly clear, of an old town and a ghost story that goes with it. I could picture a young woman roaming the streets with vengeance on her mind. I had to laugh at the part where some men were missing 'parts'. She got her revenge alright.
Punctuation and Grammar:There was one area that I thought could be changed a bit. The first line, I would change street to streets. It just sounds better. Otherwise, the punctuation is great!
Closing Comments:What a great piece to read, and it is totally different from you comedy!
Wow, this was indeed a very deep piece. It tells a story of a young man being approached and told that if he goes to war, good things will happen. He feels like he is worhtless, that this gun will give him the purpose he needs in his life. Yet, while he lays there dying, no one comes to comfort him. He is left to die in loneliness and pain.
I enjoyed the conversational style of this piece. The way you used the italics was a great idea to let the reader know who was speaking. It had a very nice rhythm to it, I can never really say what exaclty the rhythm is, I always did suck at band.
Thanks for sharing such a thought provoking piece.
I love autoum also! It's the best time of the year, for all the reasons you listed above! The cool air, a huge break the humidity and heat of summer time. It's a time to get outdoors more often without having to worry about sunstroke. The colors of the leaves and the fun I have playing in them, just hearing them crunch as I walk. The utter silence that you hear when you walk through the woods, it's just so magical. The eager faces that you see on Halloween when you open the door. Although now that almost everyone is older in my neighborhood, we don't get that as often. The sweetness of the air is so different from before. I loved the images, the plain emotion that you put in this piece. The reader get to know you just a little better. Great write!
This is a wonderful poem. It's incredibly dark, the reader can feel the hoplessness and anger that the author is trying to isntill in this piece. It tells of how a young person has fallen in love with someone who was using them. They had all their heart and soul into the relationship, yet the person they loved did not. They are trying to remain strong, but it is not working so well. The tears want to come, yet they are being held back by sure determination. Well done!
Hi aralls! After reading your wonderful story "Mitten Mayhem" , I offer these comments:
First Impressions:A fun story highlighting how teens thing image is everything. It tells of a young teen who thinks the kitten mittens her mother gives her are ridiculous and so 'accidentally' loses them. Her worse enemy/bully finds them and puts them on. Resulting in the mittens being the coolest thing ever.
What I Liked:The characterization was spot on. Teen girls think image is everything and that their mothers are out to embarrass them in front of everyone. I had a good laugh at the fact the mitttens became so popular. I bet if Natalie did end up wearing them, she would have been teased.
Suggestions:I would go into more depth in why Natalie and Lauryn were enemies. Maybe also think about describing the mittens a little better. Since they are such a huge part of the story.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:Nothing that really caught my attention.
Emotional Impact:This captures the hard time I had during High School. Where I was the outcast, pushed aside and ignored. Yet, I wasn't going to let them push me down for the life of me. It brought the reader to think deeply about what an outcast goes through each day at school. Many don't realize how had it can be.
Effectiveness of Form:I liked how you made her school and home like a prison, her jail where she is constantly looked down upon. but she'll show them one day. I just enjoyed how everything was connected the emotion that was present in this piece. It's almost hard to describe how well everythign flows together. I think you captured the frustration that someone who is different feels while going through school.
Punctuation and Grammar:Nothing really stood out to me. I'm glad you put some punctuation in, it really mkaes the reader stop and think about what is being said.
Closing Comments:You have a great talent in this area my dear. I can't wait to read more!
Hello {suser:princess.lexi! I read "Caged Inside" and I offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:A very emotional poem that details the horror and helplessness that Anne Frank must have felt watching the world fall apart around her. You captured the emotional depths of a very hard subject. The reader can feel their heart pounding along with Anne's, feel the tears falling down theri cheeks as they watch their friends and neighbors march to their death.
Effectiveness of Form:I really enjoyed the caged bird as a meataphor for this poem. Usually, it's a tad bit cliche, but it really works for this piece. Mostly because Anne really was a caged bird. She couldn't fly away or she would be killed. I'm glad you used several stanzas, it really breaks the piece up and lets the reader catch their breath.
Punctuation and Grammar:It's very well done.
Closing Comments:I'm glad I'm you Angel Buddy. You have an amazing talent for pulling on the heartstrings of the readers. Keep on writing my dear!
Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon! After reading your wonderful story "Trail Blazer" on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy, I offer these comments:
First Impressions:The title and summery were very deceptive, way to go! That's a great way to get a reader attention. I had a great laugh at this piece, and I just know that those 'friends' won't be friends much longer. A couple's first skiing trip, and the fun that ensues.
What I Liked:Although this was a short piece, the characters were giving a personality and the scenery was easily imaginable. Who hasn't seem pictures of a mountain, especially the Alps? I got a good picture of the woman falling down in a disgruntled pile of clothes and ski equipment, mad because this was NOT her idea of fun. They would both rather be curled up next to a warm fire. I also got the impression they were a slightly older couple, maybe in their later forties. The beginning set the pace and the time of the story and the ending was very nicely done. The impressions of her falling over as she made her way down. Priceless.
Suggestions:I would think about maybe giving the friends a name. It just made the reader wonder a bit. It also got a little annoying reading the word friend all the time. I was also wondering what the man and woman really looked like. We get a vague picture but nothing concrete. I know this was a short piece, so you could add that if you ever felt like going back to this.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:One little pet peeve of mine, and I know it's up to the author, is a lot of the ... in stories. Once in a while is fine, but too much and it just detracts from the story.
"...the welcome visage of the hotel in distance beckoning us to survive and enjoy the warmth of mulled wine and a roaring fire." I think you are missing a the in between in and distance.
All in all, a well done tale that will be sure to give anyone a laugh!
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon! I read "Revenge" on behalf of Showering Acts of Joy and I offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:A very funny piece to read. We all wish we could get back at our exes for whatever they did to us. I loved how you set us up from the beginning. I was just grinning from ear to ear at the start of it! A fun and lighthearted read.
Effectiveness of Form:The reader can imagine this taking place in any bar around. For some reason, I imagnined the sleaziest bar you could think of. The rhyming just seemed to make this even funnier, although I'm not quite sure why that was. The descriptions were great, the reader is left to imagine the ugliest woman you can think of. I also though the person speaking (you, even though I know you don't look like this) as some weak pencil pusher. Now he has a hot girlfriend that puts his old one to shame. If that is for real or not, it's up to the reader to decide.
Punctuation and Grammar:Not that I noticed.
Closing Comments:what a great read! Thanks for sharing you wonderful talent!
Emotional Impact:This starts out sad yet gets happy toward the end. I am reminded that I can't let the past come and haunt me. I need to let it go and move on with my life. This provides a comforting hand to those that have been or still are in a situation like this.
Effectiveness of Form:I love the part about the stars being your comfort and how they encouraged you to let go. You gave them a personality, a comforting one at that. Almost like a mother, letting her child know that everything will be okay. I like how you also personified the things you wish you could change in your past as ghosts, since that is what they seem like.
Punctuation and Grammar:I like how this was laid out, nothing I would change.
Closing Comments:Another great poem from you. Keep on Writing.
First Impressions:I laughed all the way through this piece because it describes what it's like first stumbling upon this tie and how it draws you in. You just can't get away from it!
What I Liked:I loved how you described everything like you were eating the site. That was a nice touch and very refreshing change. It's always nice to find a different style of writing. I'm sure you described what everyone goes through when this first find this site. You start out, usually, by either reading others works or posting your own. Then you move on to reviewing or posting your own works. Then things just spiral out of control from there. You are hooked and find yourself checking the site several times a day! Then we think we can quite whenever we want, before we find ourselves hooked, missing the site if we can't log on after a day. What a fun piece to read. I enjoyed the ending too, a nice warning for those that would sign up. Maybe we should post this on the front page?
Suggestions:I really can't think of anything you could really add to the piece. It deserves to be short and sweet. Which is the reason it's in your desert folder!
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:None that I noticed, it was very well written.
You truly have a talent for writing. Keep sharing your talent with this community! Write on!
Hello {suser:kattway92! I read "Song of the Day" and I offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:This was a sweet poem adn reminded me of what I'm missing not getting up early in the morning. it ALMOST makes me want to get up early to listen to the birds. Then i have to remember we don't have that many birds around us.
Effectiveness of Form:I could clearly picture someone sitting in their kitchen or on a porch, sipping a steaming cup of coffee with a small smile on their face and listening as a bird serenading them. It's a very tranquil scene. Too bad we can't all enjoy scenes like this, we are often too rushed in the mornings.
Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.
Closing Comments:Thanks for reminding me that morning's don't always have to be horrible.
Emotional Impact:A very well done piece. I can feel the sun coming down on me and warming me up. It brought to mind how a person lost within themselves is just crying out for someone to help them. Then a ray of hope appears, someone has understood them and brings with them, hope.
Effectiveness of Form:I great free verse poem. I thought you could have broken it up int a few stanzas instead of one long poem. That way we wouldn't have been bombarded with all the imagery at once. Speaking of imagery, wow! I loved all the description you added to this piece. There were colors everywhere. The reader was being highlighted by numerous warm colors. I loved the metaphor of the sun being hope for someone who seems like they are lost. Hope is often characterized as different things, but sun doesn't seem to be a popular one. Well don.
Punctuation and Grammar:I did notice one small spelling error:shinny. I think you men shiny.
I think you could add a bit more punctuation. But this is your poem, so its up to you!
Closing Comments:Thank you for such a nice piece. Keep on Writing.
Hi NickiD89! After reading your wonderful story "Broken Dreams" , I offer these comments:
First Impressions:A very emotional story about a young woman who thinks she found the perfect man for her. Yet that man comes with one horror, his mother. She steam rolls all over Brooke's dream wedding and Brooke just caves.
What I Liked:The characterization was spot on. I could almost hear the sneer in Julia's voice when she's talking to Brooke. Her fiancee is know better, he doesn't listen to her worries nor supports her over his mother. It's almost the classic tale of love between someone poor wedding someone rich. You developed the plot so well, I felt truly sorry for her. I wanted to reach over and give her a hug, to let her k now that she shouldn't give up, that she should stand up for herself. I enjoyed the part with the seagull, a great way to get a message across without having to state it. She should spread her wings and fly, not let herself be grounded by a bossy mother-in-law. But as the case is, she just lets go. I almost thought she was going to jump there for a moement, great suspense. I enjoyed the beginning, you really brought me into the story. I wanted to know more about her and why she was there. The ending was truly a masterpiece.
Suggestions:It would have bee nice to hear Greg's voice in this story. What is he like? Does he really love her or is he marrying her just to marry?
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:I didn't spot any.
A very well done piece. It reminded me of the world coming to an end or maybe someone dying of an illness. The reader gets the desperation, I can almost see two people hanging on for dear life, afraid to let each other go. They know that when they let go, it will be forever.
What a fun poem to read. I could imagine myself being the person walking outside taking a walk. I know how cold it cn be during the fall and winter times. It sounded so beautiful the way you described it. I would think about adding some puncuation to this piece, but it is your baby.
First Impressions:A great informative essay on why you love Halloween and what it means to you.
What I Liked:You brought me back to my childhood, running around in different costumes and having a great time getting candy and other surprises. Being careful around the decorations just in case something might pop out at you. You stayed on subject thought this essay, clearly outlying all your points and explaining why you felt the way you did. It was well rounded, there were no points were I was thrown out of the essay because a point did not seem like it belonged. Your beginning closed up the essay, letting the reader know that it was the end and not leaving them hanging there.
Suggestions:You could have gone into a little more detail, but I'm sure this was a contest piece and had a word limit.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:All fine there!
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece! Write on.
Hello Sherry G! I read "APRIL" and I offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:What a springy piece? (Is that even a word? OH well) It made me want Spring to come even faster. You captured the innosence, the youthfulness, and the hope that spring brings. You reminded me of how much I love spring and brought back fond memories of being younger.
Effectiveness of Form:Your images were beautifully done. I could see the kids running around and laughing as they enjoyed the warmer weather. I could see the green things growing and smell the flowers blooming. I'm glad it was a free verse poem, somehow I don't think I would have gotten the same effect if you rhymed it.
Punctuation and Grammar:None that I noticed.
Closing Comments:Thank you for reminding me Spring is around the corner! Write on.
Emotional Impact:What another fun little poem from you. I was laughing all the way tbrough it. I enjoyed the irony of making the birds parakeets and making it into a "Birds" look-a-like.
Effectiveness of Form:There was a definite rhythm within this piece. And I loved the rhyming you had going on. The paper cuts that you go from the birds was well done and added such a nice to touch to such a fun piece.
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First Impressions:
What I Liked:
Suggestions:
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:
so consider changing it to they or them. 
Great write!
The rhyming just seemed to make this even funnier, although I'm not quite sure why that was. The descriptions were great, the reader is left to imagine the ugliest woman you can think of. I also though the person speaking (you, even though I know you don't look like this) as some weak pencil pusher. Now he has a hot girlfriend that puts his old one to shame. If that is for real or not, it's up to the reader to decide.