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1,287 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
IMPORTANT: I am no longer taking review requests for gift points, as I have no need for gift points. If you want a review from me, you must either agree to swap reviews, or review something of mine first. I prefer swapping entire novels to chapter-by-chapter or short stories. Please note that I also take Saturdays off, and I'm often busy on Friday. If I don't get back to you it's likely because of that.
I'm good at...
Being me, first and foremost. So I'm probably going to be friendly and open, at least. I like to spot little typos and sentences that sound odd. I love removing extra words to keep the story tight, but please be aware that I'm extremely difficult to please and know good and inexperienced writing at a glance.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy (both high and dark) is my most favourite followed by Action/adventure, and lastly Young Adult. I don't really like Sci-fi but I'll read it if asked or if I'm just plain bored.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, severe violence, horror, and I'm not big on vampires, but I might read it. That about sums it up.
Favorite Item Types
Novels! I like a good, long read to keep me busy for several days if possible. I also enjoy a good short story now and then.
Least Favorite Item Types
Not a real fan of poetry. I can't tell the difference between one type of poetry and another. If you're doing basic rhyme and rhythm I can find both of those, but... just no...
I will not review...
Biography, blogs... horror... zombies... LGBT... erotica... romance in general but if your book has a romantic SUB plot I can deal with it. I'm also not too keen on anything apocalyptic so please... don't ask. I will not read out-of-sequence chapters. Otherwise I would have to dislike your writing style, which isn't likely.
Public Reviews
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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Realm of Fantasy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

Hi there, I'm Tam and I saw your item (well, the one following this one) on the Review Please page, so I thought I'd stop by to give you some feedback. Please remember that these are MY personal views. Take some and leave some. Also, *Confettiv*Welcome to Writing.com!*Confettib*

*Star* First Impressions: Luka, a guard, is waiting for the enemy(?) king of another kingdom to arrive, and with some impatience. His companion seems to think his anxiety is amusing and jabs at him good naturedly about it. Luka is embarrassed, and hungry. With all the attention drawn to it, I think he tends to be hungry very often.

All this opens up into a rather confusing state of events, of which I (confess) skimmed slightly over for want of a way to get through the huge paragraphs. Luka goes to deliver a message to the king for another guard(?) only to find him dead. Murdered.

Luka, terrified, hurries off to see if he can save the queen and prince from the murderer, but when he arrives he is greeted by a cold blade. This turns out to be the queen.

After she is convinced she can trust Luka, she makes an ultimate sacrifice by giving her son to him to take away from that place so the child can someday reclaim the throne. Luka has no idea what to do with children, but somehow he still agrees to perform the task.

He makes the little prince look dirty and more vagabond-ish so that - should they be caught - no one will suspect where he is from. This accomplished, he comes up with a cute little excuse to go and visit the girl he has a crush on. Aziza.

Together they make plans to escape, and give the servants a tip to follow them out five minutes later. Just to ensure they can get away first and save the prince. With this, they both hurry out to leave their besieged (mind if I use this term?) home.

Sadly on their escape, they are discoverd and attacked by one of the enemy men and Aziza loses her life to save Luka and Marco's (the prince) lives. Luka is crushed and stays by her for quite some time, then remembers his duty and carries the prince off to safety. There is no real explanation as to how he escapes, but this does leave an intriguing cliffhanger for the reader.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: Okay, so I liked the concept. It's a bit abrupt, but the characters do seem to have their own voices. The scene featuring the queen giving up her baby is the best in my opinion because everything seems to slow down to take in every moment. Everything else goes by in a bit of a blur by comparison. Not that this is such a bad thing, I guess if you were experiencing this kind of thing it would seem to rush by too fast as well.


*Moon* Suggestions: Since you said you would rather this story stay on the 'telling' side I will not point out the fact that it is indeed, telling.

My first problem with your prologue is just that. This is a prologue. Prologues are not supposed to be roughly eight thousand words in length as if they were a miniature novel. They are supposed to be short, to the point, and unable to be anything else. As a result, this is difficult to view as just a prologue.

You use huge blocks of description. Whether or not you want this story to be 'telling' rather than the desired 'showing' you should not need to infodump this much information on everyone at once. This prompted skimming over your prologue to get to the important parts which were signified by dialogue. I needed to force myself to slow down and take it all in. Cutting back on things that you deem less important should be sufficient to eliminate this problem.

In the king's chamber you showed the king's dead body and his dog's, but where were the guards? Were they killed too? Were they dragged away?

I felt as if the scene change occurred too fast from after Aziza's death, also. I thought they were still in the courtyard, only to find they were actually out in a side street. This was confusing, so maybe some explanation somewhere in between could help with that.

She reached behind her and picked up her shawl, and then she stood up.

Stood should be sufficient. When one stands, they generally stand up. Not down.

Aziza's face flashed before his mind's eye, but he tamped his feelings down.

I think you meant 'tramped'.

The man must have weighed three times as much as small, slender Aziza,

I can't help but feel that saying 'small' and 'slender' is a bit repetetive.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I think you have a fascinating idea here, it just needs some cutting back on descriptions. Hard to find the story in there sometimes (and anyway, when you see a prologue you generally think short and sweet). I was surprised about the length when I saw it and needed to convince myself to read through it. Although I found your story to be decent once I got into it.

I don't mean this as a 'bash you over the head' kind of review. I really think you have great potential as a writer and your plot was interesting enough to keep me reading. I look forward to reading more.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of Out Of Style Geek  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Realm of Fantasy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

Hi there, I'm Tam (and I know I've been reviewed by you before, but this is my habit so... shh...) and I saw your item on the Review Please page. Thought I'd give you a review.

*Star* First Impressions: Definitely not an anime fan or anything like that, but I have an older brother who is so I am aware what all that stuff is. I also happen to be trying to learn how to read Japanese (more for fun than anything else).

So my first thoughts were definitely: that must have been really awkward. I can imagine what that kind of thing must be like. I've heard of these anime expos and met people online who have gone (and cosplayed) and I never had much in common with them. It really sounded like you had an interesting time, and as a result I had fun reading your story. Could also be a warning to those who think they're 'otaku' (and abuse that word profusely) and really aren't as much as they thought they were.

Also, I read some of Fullmetal Alchemist. My brother has some books of it kept upstairs in easy reach. Too easy, if I got my hands on them *Laugh*


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: I would say the hugging samurai was the best part, though at every turn I couldn't help but smile a bit at your (unfortunate? fortunate?) experience. The lady that let you in was pretty amusing, too... but after what she's seen I guess that kind of reaction is expected. It's weird to look normal when no one else does.


*Moon* Suggestions: For criticism I found this mildly hard to read because the paragraphs were not double spaced. Even if you don't want it this way on your blog, you might want to check the little box on Writing.com so people can screen it for errors easier. You won't even have to change anything but that.

Little nitpickings I have...

I thought the characters would get on stage and show off their costume. This was actually cosplay combat.

I think it should be 'costumes', since you're referring to more than one person. Not entirely sure.

I learned that most of my Geek knowledge was dated and my Geek tastes in style were very out of date.

Feels repetetive because you used that word twice.

There might be a few too many 'wases' for easy reading, but on the whole it doesn't seem too bad.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I enjoyed it. Since I don't intend to ever go to one of these, I find your experience fascinating. I have heard of them and looked at pictures of those few cosplayers dressed up as characters I know, but otherwise... I'd be even more hopeless than you were. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, though. A quick polish would make this a really worthwhile read.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of Dragon Tamer  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Realm of Fantasy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

Hi there! I'm Tam, and I randomly noticed your item on this site. I'm going to give you some feedback.

*Star* First Impressions: This starts out on a solemn note of the main character, who is unnamed, slays the dragon who killed his parents. The scene depicts the dragon crashed into a building and a lot of muttering people lingering about. They are frightened, but also curious enough to stick around. There is a lot of dust in the air as well.

So the story then drifts back in time to where the main character - Bracken - is younger and learning under his parents' hand. But they are travellers and they often left Bracken off with some dragons nearby who give him hands on experience with the creatures.

However disaster strikes when his parents go off to speak with a dragon, who is found dead. They are likewise found by this dragon's son, who believes they killed him, and he seeks revenge upon them.

Bracken is told to run away by both his father and his mother, who give him a dagger before his departure, and they are slain by the dragon known as Shadow. As a result Bracken becomes withdrawn and spends all his time in the dragons' cave with his fellows. They are worried and send for another dragon to come and have a look at him.

So he is given the mark of a tamer by this dragon Imarx, I believe his name was, and gets the idea for revenge of his own. He prepares himself for this day - the day he'll get his revenge - with a dragon as his mentor and, at the end of this piece, he is finally ready to depart.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: I like the dragons depicted here, and the vague descriptions tossed about of them. There were also some nice moments in between, such as the description of the mark given him by the dragon, and other miniscule but important things. Like his dagger. I could visualize this.


*Moon* Suggestions: I find there is a lot missing here, however nice the story may be, and I will give you my opinion on how to change it so it will be better.

For one thing I can't help but feel detached from a few of the scenes because I didn't get a really 'shown' feeling from them. This means YOU were telling the story, and not the character living it. I wanted to feel what it was like to be caught by the dragon when he swan-dived off the ledge. His pain, hurt, and anger were sidelined a bit as well. It could be 'deeper' shall I say.

Also the paragraphs were arranged in confusing manner because the dialogue of separate characters were not in different paragraphs. This confused me, and this confusion detracted from the story you were telling me. I could not really focus on the intensity of the moment because I was too busy trying to figure out who spoke. In some places I never did figure it out. Like here, for instance:

"They call me Chrome, sir." I cocked my head. His scales were bright and metallic looking. The marks flared up, and I yelped in pain. "What was that?" I asked, hands covering the marks. "I don't know...."

I'm guessing it should be somewhat like this:

"They call me Chrome, sir."

I cocked my head. His scales gleamed bright and metallic in the sunshine.

The marks flared up, and I yelped in pain. "What was that?" I asked, hands covering the marks.

"I don't know..."

It would be much easier to understand who is speaking when.

Maybe to make your last sentence more impactful you can write something else. Instead of:

I wore it all the time, having made a promise to sink it into Shadow's black heart.

You could write:

I wore it all the time as a symbol of my promise to sink it into Shadow's black heart.

I did not notice any typos and the grammar looks passable, but I'm not a grammar expert. There is quite a bit of telling you will want to adjust and more active voice would be helpful. On the whole it isn't so bad.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I personally think if you break up your paragraphs better and adjust it to show rather than tell, you could have a very good story. I liked the idea of dragon tamers and the fact that he can understand what they are saying. Though I wish I could have seen more of these dragons, like how they looked. I can tell that you have a decent mental image of them yourself, but remember that your reader can't see into your mind to draw out this image. We only have your words to help us.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Realm of Fantasy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

Hi there, I'm Tam and I saw your item on the 'Review Please' page. So I'm here to offer you some feedback.

*Star* First Impressions: So these two guys are about to star in a magic duel of some kind with their weapons as paintbrushes of sorts and magical circles below them. There is obviously some bad blood between these two, and Skarow wants to get even for it.

As the story progresses it becomes increasingly apparent that there is something very much wrong with Lord Renbarth I think his name was. This is not good, and it bodes badly for the main character. Through the battle - which is somewhat hazy at moments - I am hopeful that Skarow will win out, only to find that he loses and his body is taken over by this... evil man.

Skarow is imprisoned, and now he understands just what happened to his friends. So. I wonder what can be done about this?


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: So the brush idea is interesting. I liked the sabrecat thing, and the descriptions you tossed out there for the various magical happenings in your world. The backstory is decent as well, and there is obviously - right from the get go - that there is something very wrong with his opponent. I also like the obvious differences between the two characters - like an almost inverted appearance of good and evil.


*Moon* Suggestions: Right away I can tell you that you should put some more thought into separating this into paragraphs. I had to force myself to read through it because of the lacking spacing. You can see examples of this in my review. A hint when making paragraphs is that whenever the subject deviates a bit another one can begin. This will make it lots easier to read for your audience.

A cut back on 'was', 'had', '-ly' endings, and stuff like that would be useful to bring the story more into focus. These things can often be replaced by a more showing word that will bring your imagery into better focus.

For example:

The crowd in the arena was buzzing with excitement and anticipation. The great stone amphitheater was completely full, the excited masses waiting for the battle to begin. You could hear their cries of anticipation and excitement for miles around.

I don't know where that 'you' came from. This isn't in second person (rare perspective that it is) and I don't think it's necessary. You COULD write it like this:

The crowd in the arena buzzed with excited anticipation in their cramped seats as they waited for the battle to begin. Their cries bounced off the stone walls and echoed for miles around.

Less redundancy, and more action - always a good combination. Of course you can make it any way you want (this is only an example).

But the crown knew who had won. They cheered their new emperor and he smiled at them warmly.

I think you meant 'crowd'.

I also got a touch confused as to which wizard was which right in the beginning, so there might need to be some clarification there. Just in case the readers - other than me - get befuddled.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Once the paragraphs are separated more and some polishing done, I think you have a really fantastic idea going on here. It's different, and I was interested once I could get past that gigantic block of text. Your characters are quite different from one another, so when Skarow was sucked out of himself it was obvious and infuriating. All good points mind you.

It was a pleasure reading you, and I hope to see you again soon.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of The Wilted Mask  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: I am really, really not the right person to ask for a poetry review. As I have said, if the poem is not the simple rhyme type I cannot figure it out. Nevertheless, since you have requested this review I will do what I can.

My impressions were muddled. Kind of like I could not see the picture for the fog. Makes me think of a dark scape with lots of weird stuff around. Like a giant witch cauldron or something. Green? I do not get most of your imagery (I have been known to be both cruelly perceptive and lamentably slow witted in turns).

Seems to me that someone has passed on. Or is going to. Or is in a bad way. Something to this effect. I could be reading this totally wrong, though.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: Oh dear. This is a hard one. Since I do not know quite what you mean by this poem I have no clue. The crows mentioned are nice, I actually sort of understood it.


*Moon* Suggestions: I would say clarity, but I'm not sure if you meant it to be sort of unclear or if all this imagery makes the stuff clear to someone. Unlike it is doing for me.

I do not know who Thomas is, though I have my suspicions, and this is kind of awkward. Since it's poetry I have no idea how you can clear that up. Or if you even need to.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Slightly confusing to be honest. My reception of this is vague at best. I feel like there is emotion in here, but that it is sort of outletted incorrectly. I'm not even quite sure though.

Always remember that I am no poet - this is just how I felt while I read it. No more. This is the best I can do so I hope it helps.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

This is Tam, in answer to your review request. I'll do my best to provide a thorough review for you.

*Star* First Impressions: Torin is really queer in his own way. This chapter is fairly focused on what he does with his days and what his job really is. I'm not sure exactly what to make of it to be honest.

I'm not sure what Torin is planning. He almost feels like a sinister person now that I'm here. Kenton is somewhat curious as well, but I don't get that negative vibe from him. I'm not sure if you intended this or not.

Torin is also a dreadful flirt. As a girl I find this somewhat irksome. I would, personally, loathe a person of that type. Though I have been told I can be somewhat difficult. I will let this slide for the time being, since I don't really know him yet.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: You don't shirk your descriptions. That is a good start, but some of them are serious telling. Torin's behaviour is both interesting and disturbing. Not sure which I would rather lean towards in this case.

I liked the earlier part of the chapter better personally because it showed a better side to the characters.


*Moon* Suggestions: Much telling to trim down, and I would like to have a better idea of what is going on. I found the dialogue could use some work because, though formal is not bad, it feels a bit too stiff and formal. As if they are reading some of it off a script.

There is no real indication as to what might happen next. I'm not sure, at this point, if I should or should not keep reading it because there has been no definite... movement plot wise. This might sound harsh, and I am sorry if it comes off that way, but your plot needs movement. If you aren't sure where this is going, now is definitely the time to thik about it. If you do, try to add subtle - or not so subtle - hints for the reader to pick up.

The girl stopped running when she saw what happened, she looked around until she spotted Torin. A look of comprehension stole across her face and she laughed herself off her feet.

This seems like telling to me. I'm not perfect, but it just doesn't feel like action even if it is supposed to be.

The little girl just stood there with the biggest grin on her face, but would not corroborate his story.

This one is the same way.

Torin turned around and saw Kenton Gladstone running after him, this was the first time he really got to get a good look at the man; the lighting in the council chamber was not the best.

I waited three paragraphs for a description that never came. The way the sentence led up to it made me think you were going to describe him, just for the benefit of memory, or even just the slightest bit like his hair is paler than it appeared to be in the council chamber. Anything. It felt like you forgot to add it somehow.

"Find any cracks yet"

Might want to add a question mark at the end of that. It is a question, after all.

"You have not said anything I don't already know and accept for you see, my father was a world class diplomat as well as a powerful Physicamancer and he trained his children to not only have skill in magic but in diplomacy and debate as well.

This is one of those stiffer lines. I only showed some of it, of course.

it gets hard when people get used to the games you play so the reason I wanted to eat here is because many of the waiters are new and I get to have my fun"

Missing period.

After a quick look over again I think the main problem with your dialogue is missing punctuation. No, people do not speak perfectly punctuated, but you should still try to add pauses in their dialogue. We don't use correct grammar, but we do tend to pause now and then to breathe.


*Butterflyb* Overall: All right, so I read the whole thing and I think, though it has a good deal of nice in it, there are also many things that could use improvement.

The Improvements:

You need to show more, and tell less. Telling has its place, but it should be used as little as possible.

Dialogue needs more punctuation and less tension!

The plot should be made a touch clearer. It feels really faint, like it is struggling to come up for air. I'm not sure why.

The ending is almost sharp enough to draw me further in. Almost. I think it could use a bit more impact.

I have little to no idea what this town is like. Big? Small? Lots of room between buildings? I see people, but no... town.

You were good at:

So there were some bold descriptions, but they were doing their job for the most part. Just be sure to remember that not everyone has a dictionary sitting on their desk that they are willing to pause and flip through.

Your characters have some obvious characteristics that mark them as unique. Different.

You seem to have a strong grasp on your world.

Great variation on wizardry and how it is accomplished.

Interesting sayings.

A - maybe - language developement thing going on?

---

So in total I think you could work this out to be pretty good. It just needs some attention in a few - okay maybe quite a few - places. Strengthening your active voice will help, as well as tightening that dialogue. Give me some idea as to what is going on in this academy! Is this really important, or is it just off the top of Torin's rather unusual head?


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of Jayded: Chapter1  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

Hi! I'm Tam and I saw your folder on the Shameless Plug Page. I thought to stop by and give you some feedback on your first chapter as my four hundredth review!

*Star* First Impressions: To start with the story is following some girl who is fleeing her pursuers across rooftops. There is no explanation why she is being chased, though it is revealed that she is some sort of thief and vagabond. She doesn't even give out her real name if she can avoid it.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: She is saved by a mysterious stranger. This is kind of curious. He flung her pursuit off the roof (without deeply checking her story) and is now bringing her inside. But sort of giving her a choice about whether or not she follows him.

She never had a choice.

I also like this: In the wet blackness it looked like he was drinking blood.

It's a good description in my opinion.


*Moon* Suggestions: I'm not sure why, but I am not a fan of that opening line. This:

As Jayde sprinted across the wet rooftops of Hayness, three men in black pursued her through the darkness. An arrow smashed the stony rooftop, causing sparks of light in the rainy night.

Not quite passive voice, but I feel like it could be improved a great deal by swapping a few word ordering and giving more impactful statements. It isn't a bad hook, but I'm just not loving the wording.

Some buildings had an escape ladder hanging on the back edge, but there were none on the buildings she had passed.

Redundant statement. You can remove the second one and replace it with something else: Some buildings had an escape ladder hanging on the back edge, but there were none on the ones she had passed.

Jayde felt a rush of wind pass right above her.

I'm pretty sure this is telling. You could write: A rush of wind gusted over Jayde's head. I still think that could be done better... I'm my own worst critic *Facepalm*

A horrible scream erupted, followed by fighting.

Fighting? Where? I think you could say: followed by the clash of weapons.

Remember: It's usually a good idea not to show the reader something the main character cannot see! Otherwise it starts feeling like we're getting an 'out of body' moment.


*Butterflyb* Overall: A decent read. Can do with some improvement, as can most anything, but it is worth the time to stop and read it. I'm not sure where Jayde is going to end up, but I do wish there were more of an explanation as to what is going on. I'm not even sure why those men were chasing her. And neither is she...


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of WolfBoy Todd  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: A wolfish kid gets picked on by a bully day in and day out because of his canine appearance. I'm not even sure what you mean exactly by 'canine appearance'.

The character is first terrified, then angry at the fact that the bully picks on him because of how he looks. Yes. I agree that it's a stupid reason. In fact, I'd say it isn't a reason at all.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: The new, weird door is so odd that I can't help but like it the most. The guy behind it was strange as well. Strange in a 'I'm not sure how I should feel about this' kind of way. It's almost funny.


*Moon* Suggestions: So I think this piece is okay, but there are a few things that could be toned down perhaps. For instance, there is no reason to mention someone's exact height in a novel. This is what bios are for later, if you really care that much about it. Saying 'he's taller and has ten pounds on me' is good enough for the reader.

Another thing I can't help but notice is there appears to be a slight tense change in there. I'm not familiar with this tense anyway, but you might want to read it over again just in case.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Looks like Todd found someone he can confide in at long last. He's just got to figure out where to start! The ray of hope in the end is a nice touch in my opinion. Things are getting better now.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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209
209
Review of The sorrow  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: I wasn't quite sure what the title had to do with anything right away, but as I read I understood this character grieved over something. Something I know nothing about, but is still possible to care for. She's upset. She stays out in the cold winds until she can't take it any more, then goes home. Quite pretty if you ask me.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: There's so little that I'd have to say the ending line was my favourite. It brought the most into the piece, mood, and what she was doing there for sure. I finally understood as I reached that last line.


*Moon* Suggestions: For the most part I'd say it's fine. You can't get much better than this with so few words to work with. I thought the font was a bit too tiny, but that's my opinion and it's your choice whether or not you change that.

Her spirit had been silent for several months.

I'm not entirely fond of this line for some reason.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Short, sweet, and a decent read. I can't argue with it and I don't want to. Good job. I think you've got a very good story, though short, on your hands here. This is just my opinion of course, but I think it's pretty much fine.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: Honestly when I clicked random review and got your item I was bored away by the block of text and almost clicked to move on. However...

As I read I really got interested in it and was curious to find out what exactly it would end like. A beautiful ending despite my trepidation at first.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: I like the way you described this little trinket as if it meant the world to you. I could picture it all stained and ruined by smoke. The reminiscing along with the cleaning gives a more vibrant picture in my mind as to why it needed to be cleaned up to spotless perfection once more. If that would even be possible.


*Moon* Suggestions: I suggest double entering your paragraphs out for an easier read for your readers. The block of text was intimidating at first and nearly missed my interest in your piece.

There were also a few things that could use some improvement.

and put away for safe keeping until Bouckville is upon us.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'upon us'. I'm sure a whole village would not uproot itself and move to where they are.

Tom has a few beauties that he discovered on his own, without me even knowing.

I think this can be worded differently so your reader has a better idea of what you're trying to say without it being thrust in their face.

The seven foot cylindrical display case was now covered with an orange brown haze which made it hard to actually see inside.

There's no need to add that 'actually'. You either can, or you cannot. Once you've stated which it is, I understand and don't need those extra words.


*Butterflyb* Overall: A worthwhile read once I could stop myself long enough to read it. Surprisingly captivating despite the blocks of text that take away from its initial hook. I think you've done a good job to bring perspective to the era the TIMEX tower came from, and the era that is now.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: So this is about someone crashing a party to steal some painting that two people (or more?) laid claims to. There is no indication as to what the painting is of, but the unfortunate caught thief is done away with as the piece ends. There is no room for failure in this line of work.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: He was found in the pantry and makes some feeble attempt at defending himslef, though spitting at the feet of the police isn't helping him any. It's obvious he's done something wrong. No one could fail to realize that much.


*Moon* Suggestions: I think the mood could be made more evident. I didn't feel anything much from it. Not even sorrow or 'he deserved that' got me at the end. Nothing to that at all. The spacing of paragraphs could do with some work to shape them up and the separation of the scene could be more obvious. Otherwise it isn't so bad.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Anyway I think this was a decent read. There's some obvious motion in the piece even if I'm not entirely sure where it all came from, just where it's going and where it ends. If you add some of that necessary motivation it could be much better.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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212
212
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

Saw your item on the Review Please page and thought I'd give you some feedback. I've read some of your stories quite a long while back now.

*Star* First Impressions: Faolan is going to save fellow dogs from the pits of some cruel pack that roams about and takes prisoners. For the fun of it or otherwise is not stated in any exact terms.

Seems odd to me that all the dogs would go off together. As if they're not expecting anyone to slip in behind them, or else they're far too confident in their strange devices.

Faolan is also startled to find a cat trapped in their pits, tied up in such a way that it can't escape. He shows some true character when he decides to let it go, even if many people associate cats and dogs as enemies.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: Nice description, some good scenes going on and even good characterization. I like the dogs escaping even if I'm not sure how I should feel about ALL the wicked ones going out of camp at the same time.


*Moon* Suggestions: The chapter is short, almost as if it were a prologue instead of a chapter in fact.

There are quite a few things that could be picked out to make it roll off better. Such as 'slowly' 'only' 'thankfully' and 'thoroughly'. Those -ly endings should be minimized.

Seems to be a subtle tense shift from 'I am' to 'I was' if you get what I mean. That could be looked into just in case.

I leaned over the opening, peering through the branches, and called out to them.

I don't think 'they' were mentioned until this moment. Maybe he could notice the gleam of eyes in the darkness before he mentions any of 'them'.

How do the Sango dogs get you into the pits?”

Did might make more sense.

“come out one at a time. No wandering and no darting off on your own. We’ll leave together as a group.

A missing " on the end.

The overwhelming scent of carcasses drown out all else, but, this was where the voice was coming from.

Drowned, I think.

I took a single step forward and instantly heard an unexpected hiss.

This -ly ending can hit the road. Instantly isn't necessary. It was unexpected, therefore I figured that it was instant.

“Then you kill me,” the cat pleaded.

Maybe this can say 'then please kill me' or something.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I'm not sure where this is leading yet, but it's a good start. It begins on an interesting note and ends on one, too. I wonder if this cat will have anything to do with later storyline? I'm curious to see where it will go from here.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

Found your story on the Review Please page, as a huge fan of dragons and fantasy I couldn't resist.

*Star* First Impressions: This starts off on a rather flat note somehow. It's as if the opening is trying to be exciting but isn't quite managing it. Might be the choice of words. I'll address this down in the suggestions part, so wait for it.

This guy is looking for his lost daughter and, in the end, locates her alongside this dragon. You seem to have an interesting take on dragons. I'm curious to know where this is going and why, but it feels more like a short story than a chapter. There is a problem: The girl is missing. The problem is resolved: She is found at the side of a dragon and taken back. This is why, I guess. It doesn't feel like an opening to anything.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: I like the dragon and how it behaves as it is told to give up a treasure. There is good evidence of a definite world behind it all, and there are only brief mentions of it. I can't stand people giving long boring history lectures in their novels and you didn't do this.


*Moon* Suggestions: I feel like the emotion behind this isn't quite defined enough. Though he behaves a certain way I don't have much of an idea how he feels on the inside unless I'm specifically told it. I found his emotions were more evident when faced with the dragon.

It really needs more emotion: A coldness at his chest... boiling rage reddening his face... stuff like that.

On the opening: maybe it would be better if you used shorter, more impactful statements to get the reader curious as to what is going on. I've heard numerous times that the shorter the sentence, the quicker and more exciting the scene appears to be. This could be done with the opening to give it urgency.

I'm not sure what you can do about the end of the chapter, as it is called, because I don't know where this is supposed to lead.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I enjoyed the read. There are a few points that could be improved, as I've said, but I didn't notice any typos or anything. The scenes you paint make good imagery in my imagination. I also, as a side comment, kind of like the name Forkbeard. Hehehe.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of Into Oblivion  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.

This is in response to your review request for your short story: Into Oblivion. I'll try to catch mistakes and give you some suggestions on how to improve it.

*Star* First Impressions: This starts off with the main character mentioning that he'd killed someone to protect a person he loves. The dude tried to set him up, and the main character couldn't risk anything. He's got a crisis in how to deal with this, but convinces himself that he's got no choice.

It's written journal style at first. I get right inside the main character's head. He loves his wife, who loved her pictures and died for them, and later gives up his life to protect his daughter. He also calls Lacey a variety of nicknames, none of which are the same throughout.

In the end the point of view goes from first person journal style to third person past tense. This is jostling because it was first person up to the last moment.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: The mood throughout was consistent. Sad, gripping even in its sadness. I think this is the best feature for its consistency and deepness of feeling. The skipping helped bring the damaged world into clearer focus while accentuating the sorrow of the people who lived in it.


*Moon* Suggestions: Personally I'm not fond of characters using swear words when they talk. In this case they might have been toned down but this is more or less my opinion.

The change of viewpoint from first person in a journal to third person past tense is confusing. The journal entry things weren't even displayed as if they were there to bring the story into focus before going over to Lacey. This is very confusing and disorienting to the reader.

This is for typos and mistakes I found:

..I took another mans life today

Should be 'man's' since it's possessive, and the life was his before it was taken from him.

" Just let me grab a few pictures. It's all that's left of memories."

I don't know if this was done purposefully or not, but it feels like there's a word missing somewhere.

Only 3' tallwith her long curly brown hair waving. She looked just like her mother.

You're missing a space between tall and with. I'm not sure if it's different in journal style, but I've heard you should not be specific with height. He could say that her head came up to his waist or even just below his elbow. Saying specifics is restricting to my imagination.

Running for the alley way, Emily dropped her duffle bag.

I'm fairly sure this is passive voice. So it could be: Emily dropped her duffel bag as she ran for the alley way.

A military truck was headed straight for her.

To remove the 'was' that's glaring in this sentence you could write: A military truck roared straight towards her.

Her life less body slump to the cold pavement. She was dead...

Lifeless can be one word. The last part of this paragraph is redundant in a way. By saying lifeless I could guess that she was dead. Perhaps he could do something to indicate that he realizes it himself. Screaming or anything to that effect.

The last bit isn't quite feeling enough for some reason. It's not bad. Maybe it just has to do with my mood, but I don't feel Lacey's heart breaking or the tears streaming down her cheeks. There could be a way to steepen the feeling there.

Seeing things the way they are nowi almost forgot how it used to be.

Now I*

My own daughter watched her mother shot to death.

I think you're missing a 'get' in there.

Summer is arou d the corner and there is no beach to enjoy.

Around*

Youre trespassing, and I don't like trespassers."

You're*

he said struggling to breath.

Breathe*


*Butterflyb* Overall: A tragic short story that depicts an unusual decline of mankind into what you call oblivion. Lacey, I hope, found some way to lead a semi-normal life. If anyone could have escaped that situation it would have been her.

I hope this was helpful for you.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: A child of roughly eight years is being followed by strange yellow eyes. His brother seems unaware, and now that he's grown up and everything is leaving the younger one behind to a degree. Kind of sad.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: Ahh... I like the description of the 'little caterpiller that consumed too many leaves'. One of the best lines of description in here as far as I'm concerned.


*Moon* Suggestions: My honest opinion here is that you are overusing the word 'felt'. You can find a better way to describe it. I'm sure you can. I can give you an example that might help.

I felt my heart beating in an insolent, little tune.

It could be: My heart thudded out an insolent little tune.

Even I could have done that better *Pthb* hard sentence.

He sometimes picked me up whenever I fell.

I have often heard that your narrator doesn't have to be uncertain. Yours doesn't either, eight year old or not.

Now that he;s in college

Should be a comma not a semicolon.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I'm not exactly sure what the ending summarizes for me. The beginning starts on the subject of yellow eyes, but in the description of the older brother I very nearly forgot about them all together.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: An interesting piece describing a visit to the hospital, and her weird feelings after 'waking' up. In the end she's under the impression she left her own body. I'm not exactly sure why, but it makes for a nice ending anyway.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: Ah, the bright lights. A good job describing them, too. Good imagery. I can imagine what she's seeing as she wakes up from the surgery, groggy and uncertain. Bright, and noisy. Yes.


*Moon* Suggestions: Noticed some repetitive word problems in here.

The next one is sight except everything is so bright, a little bit too bright.

Try not to use the words 'a little'. Not unless they're totally necessary. You'll find they're not hard to do without if you practice.

The pounding of my head is so intense I can't even think about what is happening. Ringing in my ears is intense.

The second 'intense' could be replaced with 'extreme' instead.

"Doctor, you need to come down right, away."

I'm anything but a grammar expert, but I find it really weird that there's a comma there.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Not bad at all. I find I'm actually liking this. It's got some great qualities, and good imagery. Reason, motive, and even decent dialogue. Just be careful about repeating words twice within the same sentence (or even the same paragraph), and the words 'a little'.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of Out of her depth  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: Two friends are quarelling because they view this prom differently. One is a clever one trying to graduate and get degrees while the other is a beauty without any real depths as a person. All she cares about are parties and other such things, it would appear.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: The dialogue is good. I like the way they conflict without really getting nasty towards each other.


*Moon* Suggestions: The ending paragraph puzzles me no matter how I try to read over it. Perhaps you could clarify things just a bit so that the reader doesn't go over it and think "huh?".


*Butterflyb* Overall: Cute little short story about two girls who have different views on this prom, and how things end in a rather disturbing way. Or at least as far as I can tell.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of The Last Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: Caught my attention because I'm homeschooled, and finishing school was never a big deal for me because I never went anywhere to do it. This gives me a good impression of a person who is going to stop going to school and is sort of nostalgic about leaving it behind. Doing something day in, day out, and then finally being released.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: There's feeling in it, both joy and regret mixed together. I can imagine the feeling well enough. I HATE math. I'm no good at it, and as such I always looked forward to it just ending and my mother to stop nagging me to do it. When it ended, I kind of missed it. Ironic.


*Moon* Suggestions: Not much I can suggest for this. That second paragraph starts kind of awkwardly, and is followed by a sentence that makes me raise an eyebrow. Try not to use the same words too many times really close to one another. It gets boring very quickly.


*Butterflyb* Overall: A good piece, though short. I think it conveys a lot of meaning in its shortness. Kind of abrupt, as if to get across the mood fast and not force another to dwell upon it. *sighs dramatically*, I must be getting tired...


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of I Remember  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: I lived on a hobby farm for a little while and ice cream, the store bought ice cream, is rare for us. Our roosters even crowed in the middle of the night sometimes if there was a full moon. I like this because it reminds me of some of my own experiences with animals.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: Nice description on farm life here, and older times. I always found these things fascinating so I couldn't resist but to read this. I love the premise, and the way one made ice cream.


*Moon* Suggestions: No suggestions for the most part, but I'm pretty sure numbers below 100 should be written out. It helps make reading easier for us.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Like it. Old lifestyles are always interesting for someone like me, who used to read Laura Ingalls Wilder among other things. I think you did a nice job.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of Blink once  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: The lights set the mood for the whole tragedy that occurs in this piece. This someone is in a great deal of trouble, and clearly quite socked out from some terrible ordeal. The flashbacks are a good way to set the rest of the story.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: Blinking to wet your dry, dry eyes. My right eye tends to get dry at night, so I often find myself blinking over and over again in rapid succession. So that's why I find it a good way to give the piece mood.


*Moon* Suggestions: There are a few awkward spaces in here. For example: " I don't know why..." Should be no spaces after this " thing if you get my drift. I know you're doing 300 word flash fiction so I guess asking to elaborate is asking too much, but it might be better if you give him some more flashback memory. Just to make things more apparent to the reader.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Tragic. So very tragic. Though it is curious as to whether the kids survived the initial accident in the first place, but calling off the search... I don't know. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. That's a good thing, though. It means you've done a good job setting the mood here.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review of Nature's Lessons  Open in new Window.
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: A cute little poem of some kind that tells of the flower and the bee. Nice rhythm and rhyme, and even an interesting picture as if to illustrate the whole thing.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: I liked the first line best because the rhythm seems most consistent with the rhythm for some reason or another.


*Moon* Suggestions: Now I know it doesn't really matter much, but worker bees that gather nectar are she's, not he's. Also I'm not a poet, but I find in the second line the rhyming and rhythm is slightly off-beat. Or maybe I am, who knows. It is up to you if you do anything with it.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Nice. I like the premise behind this poem, and the picture on top. My mother happens to be very passionate about bees, and nature. It also helps put a picture in my mind as I'm reading. I'm not a poet, and I don't usually enjoy poetry, but yours is okay as far as I'm concerned.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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222
222
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: Someone has taken a strange job and is really wishing he hadn't done so. There's no real indication what's going on here, but at least I can tell there's some motion in the piece and everything.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: The constant want to change jobs and the mention of what those jobs are I actually kind of like. It makes it seem to me that he feels ANYTHING is better than what he's doing right now.


*Moon* Suggestions: There's a lot of confusion right smack in the beginning. It gives curiosity, but also the feeling that the reader doesn't care and has no real necessity to continue reading.


*Butterflyb* Overall: Interesting piece when right at the end he gives a glimpse as to what their job really is. Sounds mean, and they appear to be kidnappers. An interesting way to end it in my opinion.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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223
223
Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: Damian, who is on the opposing side as Angel, doesn't seem quite so enthusiastic about his role. He comes across as the type that would slack off if given half the chance to do so. Like Angel he has conflicting opinions regarding his superior, but he's much more outspoken about it. Where Angel is cool and polite, Damian is seething and annoyed. On the whole the alleged 'Hell' doesn't seem so much worse than the supposed 'Heaven'.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: I actually like the plot up until this point. This is going to lead so some conflict in the future, but neither Damian nor Angel seem particularly violent. In my personal opinion I liked Angel better, but Damian is okay too. This isn't the right section, but I also don't really like the king, possibly because Damian doesn't.


*Moon* Suggestions: In my opinion I think this chapter is a bit better written than the one previous. Still a few too many of the word 'was'. There are a few typos here and there, but it's not too bad. Something else...

“No, you may not leave. Damien, this is all for you! This is all for your nineteenth birthday! Besides, I do not have the authority to let you leave.” The old butler gestured toward the king.
Arcaeus, without looking at Damien and Lizle, said in a monotone voice,

There should probably be more distinction in this piece where Arcaeus takes over the motions. When reading fast it very nearly seems like Lizle is responsible. I'm sure Lizle is intended to be formal, but for the sake of more urgent dialogue you could change a few words. Instead of saying 'I do not' he could say 'I don't'. Makes it feel more real. Though if you want to leave it really formal that's okay, too.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I like the plot for my part. Overall it isn't bad even though some places could use more improvement or more description. A good story so far, and I'm interested enough to keep reading more once you get that far along. The two main characters are good, and they feel real enough to me.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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224
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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: I'm so looking forward to spring myself. That's part of the reason why I read this poem. Seems like a nice description of how winter changes into spring, and kind of how it happens too.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: The referrence to how winter turns into spring. I like winter just fine, but after a while I do get so tired of it. Summer, too. I guess that's why there are four seasons.


*Moon* Suggestions: This poem I like better. Seems to be better oriented in its rhythm. Not so many 'banging down the stairs' lines. I noticed one that kind of damaged it, though. Only in my opinion mind you.

On to warmth and laughter,
And from the night greet day.

I don't know why this just... doesn't do it for me. Otherwise... it's okay.


*Butterflyb* Overall: A nice little poem of winter turning into spring. It's a good poem in my humble opinion, but since I know very little of poetry that could mean anything. So, good job.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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Review by Antonia Ryder Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.


*Star* First Impressions: Angel is a nineteen year old general who has special abilities due to genetic manipulation. There's a war going on, and everyone is hoping that he can stop it. However he seems to be a touch mouthy to his superiors, and wry besides. He's not been told the reason of the war so as the reader I am not sure. Also, the stars don't shine anymore. Strange.


*Heart* My Favorite Elements: A good plus on this is that even if Angel is somewhat forward, I do find myself liking him a great deal. So I'd say he was my favourite element so far and that is unique considering.


*Moon* Suggestions: I'll start this off by saying you need to cut back on the word 'was' and increase description in those places where that word is predominant. The word had and the -ly's are only somewhat better.

There needs to be a more impacting opening line. Viewing someone sitting around in their room is not interesting at all, nor will it hook anyone. You want to do something about this. Infodumping isn't too bad in here, but you'll want to watch out for that as well. I can see we'll need to know Angel's history, but not all in one jumble of a paragraph.

This is war and Angel is quite clearly a hero even if he hasn't done much of anything yet. There's also some angst between him and his superior officer. There might need to be explanation of this earlier, or maybe you can leave it as 'whatever he did to Sethaniel is enough to irritate Angel'. Either way will work.


*Butterflyb* Overall: I actually think the plot is fairly good for a start. It has some interesting points and a good main character. Or at least protagonist, there's nothing saying he's going to be the only lead character in this novel. I wonder why the war started, and why the stars aren't shining any more. It seems that Angel is going to find all this out in due time.


Keep writing!

~Tam

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