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Review Requests: OFF
444 Public Reviews Given
446 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am going to be working on my reviews being more thorough in the coming weeks. I am honest and love to give positive feed back.
Favorite Genres
Drama, Spiritual, Romance, family
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
short stories
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 6 7 ... Next
76
76
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello! I am reviewing for the Chapter Comrade Club and here are some thoughts and ideas on your second chapter:
*BulletR* The chapter starts as if it should be continuing from the previous one. It feels as though I'm missing something.
*BulletR* The sentence: "...a short heighted girl..." You can take out 'heighted' you already said she was short so that's what the readers take away from that.
*BulletR* Also when it talks about her 'habits' a better word to use would be hobbies here.

Characters: Three new characters were introduced: Jared, Fiona, and Elizabeth. (Also Mrs. Keen the teacher)

Setting: School, Mrs. Keen's classroom

Plot: Rachel is now getting ready to do a project with two new class mates.

I hope you find my comments helpful to your editing process. Write On!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. These are my own personal thoughts and suggestions.

*Smile* What I liked: I enjoyed seeing through the eyes of someone who had autism before they had a diagnosis.

*Stop* What needs work: Nothing.

*Tackb* Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this poem as it shows people how hard it can be for young children to live with autism yet they don't completely understand that they are different. Now they screen children at one and two years old and can determine if they have the disability. Thank you for sharing your words with me.

Good luck with the contest and Write On!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. These are my own personal thoughts and suggestions.

*Smile* What I liked: The topic of the poem. The pain most of our soldiers return home too here in America, is a country who has turned their back on them. My favorite line: "The Purple Heart and Silver Star mean nothing when you are hungry..." it's sad that some of these soldiers are so desperate that they pawn these medals of honor

*Tackb* Overall Impression: A very moving poem on the reality most of our soldiers come home to. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck with the contest and Write On!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review of I, The Child  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. These are my own personal thoughts and suggestions.

*Smile* What I liked: I liked how you can see inside this child's mind. Many children with special needs are very intelligent they just seem to have an issue categorizing things in their mind. My favorite line of the poem is "A spilt mind, so full of wonder." This is a very good explanation of a mind different than others.

*Tackb* Overall Impression: This poem reminds me of my brother who has Asperger's. He is smart if he applies himself. He is very creative as well. Thank you for sharing!

Good luck with the contest and Write On!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello! I am reviewing for the Chapter Comrade Club and here are some thoughts and ideas on your first chapter:

Characters: This is my favorite thing in reviewing. I am big on character development and love to see how well you know your characters. It seems like you have a good handle on Rachel. I can see her in my mind and picture her to be a thin, tall girl. Some things that can be taken from the story is that she is probably 18 years old since she is starting college (maybe 19). Cecilia, there is not much to go on only that she is Rachel's cousin. The other friend, who is she/he? All we know is that they are a friend of Cecilia's.

Setting: No real place until the end. College. The first chapter is more about who Rachel is.

Plot: We see that Rachel is going out on her own with no friends at first. I am very intrigued to see what her adventures consist of.

First Impression: I like where this story is going. I too was a 'loner' in school with only a couple of true friends whom are still my friends today. Quality over quantity.

Improvement Needed: The discriptive sentences about Rachel are very long and run-on. You could possibly break them down in separate sentences and 'show' rather than 'tell'. For example: "Straight auburn hair tied in a ponytail, glasses on the tip of her nose, quotes of her favorite fictional characters printed on her tees, Nike's training shoes on her feet- Rachel was a completely ordinary girl, living a completely mundane life."
You could change it to something like this:
"Straight auburn hair tied in a ponytail as it was everyday with her glasses nestled on the tip of her nose. Her favorite shirt, the one with quotes from the best fictional characters an author could create printed on the front..."
This way it also gives your story substance.

I hope you find my comments helpful to your editing process. Write On!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of Judgements  
Rated: E | (2.5)
I am judging for the Try Something New contest and am sorry to say your poem has been disqualified do to not meeting the genre criteria. The month of March was to have entries that dealt with Nature. Thank you for entering however and this was a very symbolic piece. Write On!
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82
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a good idea! And it's a good way for people to get to know each other better. I would love to join please
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83
Review of Love like a rose  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello! I am reviewing this piece per your request and I must say this is a lovely letter to someone who is very loved. I have some suggestions.

The first two sentences, while it would be a long one, should be one or worded differently so it works as two. It just doesn't make much sense to stop the first sentence there as it is not a complete thought.

When you write past present and future, there should be commas in between them.

The sentence that starts "As the moonlight..." (moonlight is one word) you should find where commas go. Wherever you feel a pause should be should basically be where a comma goes.

I really liked the part that went "...for you mean more to me than even my own mortality." Good use of words here and not to go directly to "My own life."

Good work and I hope to read more of you in the future.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello! I found this on the Advent challenge and found it very interesting. Dreams can be so real and scary and this story has a twist where the main character has awoken from a dream to be in a second and even a third one perhaps. I enjoyed this little mind twister, thanks for sharing1
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85
Review of The Red Festival  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. This story is one of the best I have read. It is so chilling and scary and realistic. Great job with this. Good luck in the contest.
86
86
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. I was sucked into this story. All the descriptions, the imagery was so real I could see everything you described in detail. The story line was great and how interesting the way the potion took over the people. It reminded me much of the movie The Happening. Thank you for your entry and good luck!
87
87
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. I enjoyed all the detail you give on these evil beings and how they live and work. I was a little confused on the ending of the story as I'm not sure you Angus is but perhaps his wife carries a child who can fight against these monsters? Great imagination! Write on!
88
88
Review of Attraction Fatal  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
         Hello! I was searching the "Horror" genre for something to read for the month of October. This was a very enthralling piece and although it's rather cliche I was still surprised that she had been the one cheating on her boyfriend with his best friend.
There are a couple of things to point out.
         It would read better if you would indent and double space the work, sometimes as I was reading I would accidentally skip to the line above or below but that is an easy fix.
         In the beginning where it states they lost the game that would take them to the state game. Perhaps you could change "state game" to "state championship" so there isn't a redundancy.
         One of my favorite lines in the whole piece was "To all who were a witness, they were a perfect couple" this has some great imagery instead of just saying "Everyone saw them as a perfect couple."
         In the last paragraph it is just one big paragraph and could be broken up into smaller ones.
         Overall this was a good piece and I was rather surprised that mark killed Nicole, good thing there was no witnesses.
         Write on!
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Review of love is a swagger  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello I found your poem while searching inspirational pieces and thought I would review it. This piece is rather confusing to me. It is pretty bad of myself that I had to look up the definition of swagger because all I could think of was rap songs *FacePalm*. So, I understand your poem in a literal sense but it still does not make much sense to me.
I am by no means an expert in poetry, so perhaps this is a form I am not familiar with but the last two lines threw me the most. Is this saying that a dictator only loves himself? That I can agree with as they are never really kind and good people and are very selfish and everything is about them and how they want things to be but 'a dictator is a dictator love of swagger' I don't truly understand what the meaning is here. Perhaps a dictator is a dictator of love? If you would like to respond to my review to clarify I would appreciate it for I am genuinely curious. Thank you for you piece and I hope you continue to grow in your writing. Write on!
90
90
Review of If I Died Today  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
         Hello, I found this on the "read a newbie" page and have some thoughts about it. As a poem it is rather short and non-descriptive which can work in some settings. I feel your point is getting across with these short lines and my favorite line is the last one yet it needs a little work. Forgive yourself for what you have become to be. If you read it out loud it doesn't make must sense. If you omit the "to be." It works better.
Thank you for putting your work out there and just be mindful that these are my own opinions and I am no expert *Smile*
91
91
Review of Box  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this story since I saw it on Review Requests and in the spirit of the month, thought I would review a "horror" story.
I like the promise of this short story. I didn't see any real grammatical errors and your characters (Shaw in-particular) are developed nicely. The ghost/demon/creature that takes Shaw in the end I think needs a little backstory. Maybe he researches this type of phenomenon. Does the creature have a name to it? Adding a detail like that makes it more believable to the reader. Even if it is something you create on your own, the fact that it could be real makes it much more scary.
Your secondary characters have some good ingredients to them but a little description would do them good as well. Maybe his mother is a frail, small woman who doesn't have the energy to defend herself against her husband. When I think of this family I imagine them living in a run down house in a bad neighborhood and maybe there is drug abuse. If this is not the image you want to portray perhaps you should add details to that as well.
You have a good start here. Remember, its all in the details.
Write on!
92
92
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! I am reviewing this piece for the Try Something New contest and I want to thank you for entering and for bringing a unique approach to the contest genre. This story is indeed a "birthday" story as it is the beginning of something new. I did have to go and research some of the words as this story was very foreign to me. This was a good piece with out many errors. Good luck in the contest and write on!
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93
Review of Asteroid  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello I am judging for the Try Something New contest and this is a nice poem however the genre for the month of September is birthday and I didn't really see anything in the poem that could be taken as such. It was a good poem though. Thanks for entering.
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94
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this for the "I write" contest. This story painted a picture of what the future could be like, and those are my favorite stories. I can see the buildings, half hidden by water, the streets flooded. Your characters are very believable as well. Bee, a woman who is looking for any thread to keep to connected to the past, the young photographer who could very well be interested although acts indifferent.
My favorite line was "horses looked up vacantly at the passing carriages." - This is very good imagry. I can see the horses in my mind, their huge eyes with no interest in them.
The only thing I would change would be when you say "Father’s firm" the word father does not have to be capitalized here.
Great piece and I wish you good luck in your contest!
95
95
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the "I write" challenge. The is a very sad poem about a broken love. My parents have divorced after twenty one years of marriage. I hope my husband and I can work out our differences along the way. As for your poem the only part that tripped me up was this line "Causing it to gap and weep." I think the words "gap and weep" are the tricky part. My favorite part is "Down a path Fraught with uncertainty." Aren't all paths we take uncertain? Good poem and good luck in your contest.
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Review of New Day  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I found this on Review Requests and it is a great piece. I could vividly see this girl running, watching as the trees dropped their leaves for her and as she ran they flew up behind her. I found nothing wrong with this and your imagery is quiet amazing. You should enter this in a contest perhaps? Just a thought. Great job and Write On!
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Review of Sorry...My Fault  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello I saw this piece on Review Requests and here are my thoughts. This is a rather bleak and depressing look into the life of an average person who made a mistake and what she thought she wanted she never really did. While her mistake is a big one (years of her life and countless amounts of money), there seems to be no resolution. She is just caught in a rut and she can't seem to break free. Perhaps there could be another diary entry where she finds her light at the end of the tunnel and finds something she is passionate about.
98
98
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this short story for the Try Something New contest. I am rather interested in this family and these alien people. The father, Thovus, seems like a kind man who loves his daughter , Ciria, and his many lovers. You have great character creation here and such unique names, I really enjoyed them and this world you created. As for the young girl, it is understandable that she is upset that her father is off away for so long, has other families. It would be hard for anyone to understand those circumstances but I suppose if you are born in that kind of community you would understand and it would be the norm for you.
A few comments on the technical aspects of your story. The line "...finish by latest job", should obviously say 'my latest job' and it is something easy that is overlooked. Also, try not to start a sentence with the words 'but' or 'and'. Use commas or semicolons when necessary or simply omit the words. This was a lovely little story and I hope you enter the contest again! Good luck and write on!
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99
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I am reviewing this for the Try Something New contest! Such an awesome story. Congratulations on you and your wife having five children as well! My mother had five as well and I don't know how she did it. She was 38 when my brother was born and although he's autistic it has nothing to do with her being considered 'old' for children. I only have two boys at the moment and being 28 they wear me out.
This was a great story or perhaps I should say account of the day your son was born. Real life stories are always the best! I also love the name Wesley *Smile*. Anyway, have a great day and a great September!
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100
Review of Dear Jane  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I found your poem on review requests and will offer my humble opinion. Although this is a rather short piece it has a strong meaning. The title, for starters, Dear Jane. It has a meaning to me as Jane Doe, someone who is unnamed. Perhaps this poem is about whomever should come along?
As I read it over and over I see new situations each time. Perhaps this is a mother or father writing to their child as they cast them aside so dismissively. This could be a crumbling relationship as well with the line "I'm done with you." Perhaps I am looking too deeply into this, trying to find a definitive meaning when it is simply a vague piece of work. The ending gets me however, I feel is it obviously left undone for a reason, whether as a writer to get people to think or in the mind of the character who doesn't know what else to say, perhaps they are rethinking the whole thing and realize they should spend more time with the recipient of the letter/conversation.
Overall this is a good thinking piece, it would be a good prompt as well. Write On!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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