I really enjoyed reading this song. I love the imagery of the mountains and the sky, and the hot tub's not bad either. I think your format and tone work well for this, and you chose your wording wisely.
Favorite line(s): Wrapped tightly in embrace
Together we can chase moonbeams overhead
that beckon us to follow...
This looks like a great contest! So many erotica stories are written just for the 'act' itself, and it's great to find a contest where a story is actually required.
The layout is very appealing, and the colors and the use of the writing ML compliment each other nicely.
The description of the contest is clear and well written.
The rules are simple and easy to follow.
The prizes are generous and well described.
The judging process is explained well.
The overall forum is friendly and easy to follow.
I didn't notice and grammar/spelling mistakes.
This is definitely a contest I would enter.
Thank you for sharing.
~Vikki~
What some fun and games? Click on the donkey to celebrate WDC's 8th birthday with Pin The Tail On The Donkey!
This was an amazing story from beginning to end. Your descriptions were wonderful, and I really like how you made the whole thing seems surreal and dream-like. Your characters were vivid and likeable, and the tone was set nicely. the ending, I think, was very fitting for this story. It conveyed the love and longing, yet the idea that he had to move on.
Thank you for sharing.
~Vikki~
What some fun and games? Click on the donkey to celebrate WDC's 8th birthday with Pin The Tail On The Donkey!
This is an amazing story of overcoming a tragic childhood. It is full of emotion and insight, and you allowed the reader a small glimpse inside this person's mind. This tragedy is all too real for a lot of poeple, and I hope that those that read this take away a clearer understand of what goes on in the minds of the abuse victims.
Thank you for sharing.
~Vikki~
What some fun and games? Click on the donkey to celebrate WDC's 8th birthday with Pin The Tail On The Donkey!
Princess is such a cute cat! You did a great job describing her and her personality. She seems like she's a lot of fun to have around. I enjoyed reading about her, and I was amazed about the history you put in this piece. The facts were interesting, making this an all around good essay.
Thank you for sharing.
~Vikki~
What some fun and games? Click on the donkey to celebrate WDC's 8th birthday with Pin The Tail On The Donkey!
First Impression:
The story begins with the main character seemingly on vacation, but then turns into a mystery. Your descriptions were great, and I think the pace and tone were both set nicely.
My Suggestions:
The transistion from 'just a person' to the suspect, is not as smooth as I could be. I would suggest giving the reader a few more 'hints' along the way.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
Likable characters, but I didn't feel I knew her well.
Dialogue:
Very natural and smooth.
Overall Impression:
A nice little mystery story that was fun to read.
Thank you for sharing.
~Vikki~
What some fun and games? Click on the donkey to celebrate WDC's 8th birthday with Pin The Tail On The Donkey!
This poem is very descriptive, and the imagery definitely makes this a great read. I really like the picture you painted for the reader, and the fact you left the ending open, finishes it with a great tone.
Favorite line(s):
A man turned beast and the boy to quench his thirst
Eating his flesh, this man is mad, he is cursed
Thank you for sharing.
~Vikki~
What some fun and games? Click on the donkey to celebrate WDC's 8th birthday with Pin The Tail On The Donkey!
Not many stories I read actually make me smile from beginning to end, but this one did. Romance is not usually my chosen genre to read, but this story was so well done, I may have to rethink that!
Your characters were so real, and the dialogue so natural, that I was swept away into the story. Your descriptions were great, and the story line was entertaining.
I think this has a fabulous message! If we could all just relax a little and realize that in the long run, those little things don't matter at all. We all strive to help our children become independent, and then when they are, we worry about everything they do. This is a wonderful look at the trial and tribulations of parenthood, and the idea of 'fretting less' can help a lot of people.
Bren's past comes rushing back to him as an old friend ends up on his doorstep. I think the plot and characters here are done very well, and the descriptions are done well, but this seems like only the beginning of a much longer story. It ends kind of abruptly, not really given the reader any conclusion. I think this would definitely a great, longer story. I have no suggestions other than expanding it, and I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.
I think this illistrates a very important point of how can this be a new world when somebody was already here? You did well with the tone, and told a complete story in 99 words. Well done.
A nice, twisted little tale about love, obsession and murder. You painted a wonderful picture of the river and the characters. I think you did a good job of setting up the ending and following through. There were no grammar/spelling mistakes that I noticed. It was a quick, enjoyable read.
I think you make a very wonderful point about nobody here is perfect. We are here to learn from each other and to improve our writing skills. Though, I do have to say, I have given a rating of five on a rare, select, occasion. The rating of 5 is supposed to mean perfection, and to me than mean publishable. There have been a few (very few) stories/chapters/poems...ect.. .that I think have a very strong plot, character analysis and that I would purchase from a bookstore. And that is what I base my 5 ratings on.
First Impression:
A woman is nearly assaulted while trying to leave the mall and get to class. I think you managed Brandy's fear very well, and the short, direct sentences worked nicely.
My Suggestions:
Please remember, these are only my opinions, and you know what is best for your story.
I was a little shocked that there weren't people around inside the mall at 6:30, and no clerks were in the stores. It doesn't seem very 'real' to me. I would suggest re-working this to make it more plausable.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
I really liked Brandy's character. You made her real and very likable.
Dialogue:
The dialogue was simple, yet natural.
Overall Impression:
A good story that needs a few adjustments to make it believable.
First Impression:
A sweet story about a boy's sixth birthday party. I think you captured the picture prompt perfectly, and even incorportated all the childen seated around the table. Jimmy's excitement about his birthday and the presents was well represented, especially the bed jumping, all to believable.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this story.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
Well thought out and believable.
Dialogue:
Very nice and natural.
Overall Impression:
A good story that was well written.
This poem has an almost dream-like feel, reminding me of how a writer's muse can drift in and out like the wind. Fantasy is one of my favorite genres to read, I like to be taken into the writer's imagination, and this poem did that for me.
Favorite line(s): Let her into your life and she’ll alleviate your pain.
In her loving wings all misery is cast aside.
I think this poem asks the same questions people have been struggling with for years; why are some people evil. To want to answer this is human nature. We want, or need, to know why people do what they do. Though, I doubt we will ever know. I think you did a very good job expressing how most people feel, and how we search for these answers every day.
First Impression:
A couple facing an infidelity takes unusual measure to talk about it. Normally I'm not a fan of twist endings, most use it as a shock because the writing can't stand on it's own, but you managed to do it very well, and without giving the reader any hint about what was happening.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for improvement.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
Great characters, very real and well thought out.
Dialogue:
The dialogue felt natural and flowed smoothly.
Overall Impression:
A great story with a perfect twist ending.
This is a great word search! You did a wonderful job incorporating all the things we love about WDC. Well done! I had a great job solving it, and I think it's a pefect way to celebrate WDC's 8th birthday
First Impression:
A young girl being torn between two homes, two seperate lives.
My Suggestions:
I was a little confused about what was going on. I'm not sure if she was going to her father's house, or going someplace else.
Grammar/Spelling: As the young girl crept down the stairs of the old house a phrase repeated and repeated itself in her head, 'they'll never forgive me for this' she thought. You don't need the word [c:red}repeated twice. It's redundant. Also, you don't need she thought at the end. That is implied in the rest of the sentence.
Her fathers house was not a prison, but deep down she knew that she was going to have to stay there one day and face whatever it was that left her unable to sleep, eat and focus. The word father's should have an apostrophe to indicate posession. It's his house.
Characters:
I think this girl could be a very good character. She just needs a little more depth and emtion to her.
Dialogue:
There wasn't really any dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
This could be a very good story if the characters were developed more and the plot was a little more clear. I think you should continue to work with this one, as it would turn out great with a little more attention.
First Impression:
A typical murder mystery where the suspect is a beautiful woman and people want to believe her. Marge takes care of her aging grandfather, who gets shot and killed. She is prime suspect, so her lawyer hires a detective to check things out.
My Suggestions:
The tone of this piece seems a little soft to me. If Marge was really trying to get away with it, I would expect more emotion from her. I would have liked to see some sadness or anger, but the characters just seemed to have a flat affect.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes and the format was easy to read.
Characters:
A good set of characters that were very likable.
Dialogue:
Was real and believable, it felt natural.
Overall Impression:
I will have to admit that I had figured out the ending within the first couple paragraphs. The story is well written, as far as technical writing goes, but I would have liked more emotion to it.
First Impression:
A powerful story about life and regret, and how we see things; sometimes a little too late. Your father passes, then your mother and the guilt that is associated with not speaking to your father even when he was buried.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this story. It was well written and full of emotion.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Overall Impression:
A wonderful story. I commend you on being able to see your mistakes as well as your parents'.
I believe that music is all around us, and we just have to be willing to hear it. There are so my rhythms to life, that it's amazing. I think your poem sums this up nicely. It's well written, very emotional, and a wonderful read.
Favorite line(s):
I am the voice of God speaking to you through gentle rain to ease your pain.
First Impression:
What an amuzing little story! I really enjoyed your originality with the prompt given, most people would have used a dog, or a cat, but a cockroach was definitely a surprise.
My Suggestions:
I really don't have any suggestions, it's a good, well written piece.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.
Characters:
Great characters, very personable.
Dialogue:
Easy, natural sounding dialogue.
Overall Impression:
Great story and a nice read.
Thank you for sharing.
~Vikki~
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I think your format and tone work well for this, and you chose your wording wisely.
The layout is very appealing, and the colors and the use of the writing ML compliment each other nicely. 
