I think it is amazing what such a simple thing can do to transform yourself and those around you. Who would have thought that this mere, almost involuntary movement, could mean so much to other. There were no grammar or spelling mistakes notice. I really enjoyed reading this.
What an interesting dream! Your descriptions are well done, taking the reader into the dream with you. The writing and tone are well suited for the piece and the flow works to keep the reader interested. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
An interesting poem that makes the reader look inside themself. It is full of depth and emotion, and triggers a reaction of self awareness. There were no grammar or spelling errors noticed.
This is a very beautifully written poem. The descriptions draw the reader in and make them apart of this world. I only have on suggestion you might want to look at.
Tears welling up in my eyes
Is the blood seeping from my heart.
You use puctuation throughout the entire poem, except for this first line. I would suggest a comma after eyes and then a question mark after the second line.
Favorite line(s): The setting sun turns a cold, blood red.
I feel you have told me a lie.
A nice, dark little poem will a chilling tale. Your descriptions are great, and the tone works very well. The only thing I noticed, and it may just be me, is the rhyme scheme in the fifth stanza. It doesn't flow as well as the rest.
Favorite line(s): 'Twas greed they were seeking
That caused them to be disloyal
Now masqueraded they run shrieking
Unable to hide their betrayal
My review for your story listed on the "Please Review"
When I first began reading this, I wasn't quite sure where it was going, but you pulled it together very well. You decription fit well, and the imagery you conjured brings the reader in. The ending was done very well. I like the fact that you hint at what will happen without actually stating it.
A very descriptive sotry about a race, and unusually winnings. I think you did a great job with the prompt. You did a great job describing the scene, and keeping the reader guessing at what the prize was. I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes and I have no suggestion.
Oh, what a perfect little story! I really like how you started off so soft and ordinary and quickly changed it was priceless! I guess it is one way to halt a conversation, I just might have to remember that. Thank you for the wonderful read, and the smile you put on my face.
I'm not quite sure if I would actually call this a story, it has a beginning, but no middle and no end. I think this could be the base plot for an actual story, as the story-line could be interesting. I would suggest that you capitalize the the letter I in your work. Beside a few comma problems, which can be fixed with a quick edit, the only other thing I noticed is that you are missing a space between words in quite a few places.
What a cute little story! I love the description of the little commando in the woods it was perfect. And I'll have to admit, I had no idea what the cammando was until the end. You did a great job keeping the reader guessing. I have no suggestions, and I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.
While the writing here is good, and you began with such a tone that pulled the reader in, the ending really confused me. I understand the whole 'third cry' thing, but I was left wondering what was going on.
I notice a few mistakes, a missed comma here or there, but nothing that interfered with the reading and which can be fixed with a quick edit. The word muttered in the second paragraph threw me a bit. I don't think that's quite the right word to use there.
An interesting dialogue piece. You manage to make the characters distictive and interesting, which can be hard without descriptions. I would have like to know what the 'things' were, though. The only suggestion I would have is to put a space between the lines of dialogue. It would make it easier to read.
A very original take on the werewolf theme. It had me laughing and the worrying about Were if he was actually eating the garden gnomes, poor Were... Anyway, a cute little story that was a pleasant read. The only thing that threw me off a bit was the last line. Something about it fell flat compared to the rest of the story. Maybe it's just me.
I have no suggestions, and I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.
I think you did a great job with such a limited word count. The story is interesting and kept me hooked until the end. Now I want to know what happens to Jackson when there's nothing to go back to! The descriptions are great, and the pace and tone work very well.
I have no suggestions and I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.
First Impression:
Marlo, and others of his kind, were found and caged; being put on display like animals in a zoo. I think you did a great job with the prompt, and this story definitely shows originality. Though I would have like to know who the figure was that brought him this last meal.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this piece.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
Interesting characters. You did well with such a limited word count.
What a wonderfully, dark and creepy poem! I love it. Your descriptions are wonderful and the scheme is very good. I think you did a great job with this weeks prompt.
I have no suggestions for this piece, and I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.
Favorite line(s): all hope for escape soon becomes lost to us
as we stop and turn to face our very own sin.
I think you did a great job on your Dialogue 500 entry! It was done very well and you gave the speakers a distinct voice. The best part, for me, is when you discuss the touching. Very creepy! The last line is wonderful.
I have not suggestions for this. It reads very well and I didn't notice any grammar/spelling mistakes.
First Impression:
Two young friends go investigating the stories they heard about a cave. I think this is a nice story, and the descriptions are good, but at points these very descriptions overshadow the story. There is a lot of passive voice here, which makes the story a little slow.
My Suggestions:
I would suggestion using more action, show us what is going around by the characters mannerisms and their actions. Don't just tell us a story, let the reader be involved.
Grammar/Spelling: A skinny tall young boy looked at his friend, When you are listing this many descriptions, it is best to put a comma between them.
The little girl was sure her big brother would have seen it. This sentence is redundant. It is stating in the sentence preceeded it.
Almost five miles north of the children talking, the mouth of a cave sat. No one knew what was in the cave. Almost any one that entered, never returned. These sentence read a little awkward. I would suggest, Nobody knew what was in the cave that was five miles north of the children. Almost everyone who had entered it never returned. Just an example.
What will we do when it is suppertime." This is a question. It need the appropriate puctuation at the end.
"OK, but just because I don't want you to go by yourself." The word ok doesn't need the k capitalized. It is also best to spell it out.
Characters:
You have a couple of very cute characters here, and I think you've introduced them very well.
Dialogue:
The dialogue is good, and fits well with the story.
Overall Impression:
I think this is a good story, and I applaud your imaginations. I think with a little effort, and not having the word count limit, you could make this very interesting.
First Impression:
A simple diary leads a man to his death. I really like the premise of this story. It is interesting, and your imagery is really good. The ending makes for a good twist, though I wonder if he was married to her, wouldn't he know a little more about her, like where she once lived, or at least think the girl in the diary looked like his dead wife?
My Suggestions:
There are a few questions, and I think if they would be answered this could be a great story.
Grammar/Spelling: The house is small but the rent is low and its only him now. The word its needs an apostrophe.
He see's it is coming from a large window that is opening and slamming shut to the whim of the gusting wind. No apostrophe is needed in sees.
When he looks inside he finds it empty; no something catches his eye, jammed in the top corner behind the door. This sentence reads a little awkward. Maybe uses the word nothing instead of no something.
On the first page is a picture of a girl that is around ten years old. I would suggest ...that looks about ten years old.
The old oak tree waits right outside to bash his head in. This is another one that reads a little awkward. I would change the word in to into.
Characters:
I would have like to be able to know the man a little better. I think it would make the reader care more about him and care more about what happened.
Dialogue:
Limited dialogue, but what is here is good.
Overall Impression:
A good story, overall, that has a lot of potential.
I think there is a lot of things that have got out to pasture, such as butchering and growing your own food. It is amazing to remember the good things in our life, and how they came about. I enjoyed my visit to your port very much. You have such a unique voice in your writing, and it was my pleasure to enter your world, even for such a short time.
Unlike your other stories, this one has almost a somber, nastalgic feel to it. The descriptions are wonderful, and I didn't notice any mistakes, grammatical or otherwise. I never would have thought about dynamite being down there, I was more worried about them falling in!
This is one of those stories that sends chills down your spine. Whether or not what we see is actually what we see, is a very interesting question. Do we believe there was a girl on the trail, or the children near the fence? I guess the better question is, do you believe it? Thanks again for another great read.
I hate rats! And Dave the Imapaler sounds good to me! Another interesting little tail (oops, tale ) of life on the ranch. Your descriptions always surprise me and your tone is so refreshing. You don't try and be something you're not, you just write from the heart and from experience.
Never dismiss the idea of coffee being the cure all for everything! Okay, that's coming from an avid coffee drinker who could not make it through the day without a pot or three!
As for the essay, I think a lot of people can relate to what is being felt. We've all ( I would think) have had nights like these where the world keeps spinning in our minds when we would like sleep. You put down in words what a lot of people feel, and did it well.
Thank you for sharing.
Vikki
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First Impression: