Okay, at first I was wondering where this was going, was it going to be okay, surgery, or was there going to be an amputation! I am glad everything worked out well, and am amazed it was a table saw. Another quick, yet good read.
Oh my! This was a doozy of a story. It just proves that a story doesn't have to be long to make a great impact! I think you did a wonderful job of building up to the end, and I could just imagine the boyfriends face when she said those words. Priceless! I really enjoyed this, you have a wonderful voice in your writing, and this is no exception.
This is a very sad, but uplifting story. This young man was taken way too soon, but his life would have an impact on all those around him, even strangers. It was well written with great description and emotional impact. I found no errors to mention.
This was a cute little piece! It's not really a complete story, but the tone is set perfect, and it was a fun read. I liked how it all came together in the end, and even the brief descriptions matched the story well.
I loved this line: guess next time I answer the phone I should remember to have the cheaters on these peepers of mine.
I've never heard of glasses described this way, It was great!
Now updated to review all case colors. Help make "Halloween Review Stew" and win prizes! by Brooklyn
A deep and compelling message for all those that read it. This poem brings words to reality, a testiment to the author. The subject matter is one that all should hear, and hopefully this poem with help others think before acting.
The old Chevy roared into life and they sped toward home, I would suggest changing into to just to. It would be more appropriate.
Now updated to review all case colors. Help make "Halloween Review Stew" and win prizes! by Brooklyn
I really enjoyed this poem. I've always had a fascination with the Phoenix, and this was beautiful. Your writing paints a wonderful picture of this amazing creature. It is always wonderful to see a poem that tells a complete story from beginning to end. This one had all the aspects, character, setting, action, reaction, the ultimate ending, rebirth.
Favorite line(s): Once the flames have come and gone,
Then appears the phoenix spawn,
Rising from the ashes gray,
Heralding a brand new day.
I've only written one Pantoum in my life, so before I even give a review, I will give you applause for doing so. They are very difficult, and you seem to do it with ease.
I really enjoyed the imagery in this poem, the descriptions are wonderful. It has an almost dream-like feel and takes the reader on a fantastic adventure.
Favorite line(s): Fantasy secretly kissed
Swift as heartbreaks
Well, you got me with the title since I live in Florida! There is a big problem here with people having these pets, and when they get too big to deal with they just let them into the wild, not understand how it can mess up the ecological balance of everything around it.
Your poem makes a wonderful point of this, and is very good at describing the dangers of letting these awsome creatures loose.
There is only one line that is a little 'off' for me: Released by, or escaped from, their pet
owners,
I don't know if it is the arrangement of the words, but it sounds like the owners are actually the pets, and not the snakes.
Favorite line(s): Yet, entrenched in the Everglades and
now recently encountered in the Keys,
these giant snakes threaten to expand
their range wider in Florida by degrees.
Now updated to review all case colors. Help make "Halloween Review Stew" and win prizes! by Brooklyn
This so much reminds me of my time spent up north! The visuals are spot on, and it brought back so many memories of those cold and snowy mornings. It made me shiver just reading it!
You have another wonderful poem here. Your words paint a picture just as and artist paints on a canvas. It's really beautiful.
Favorite lines: The warming sun transforms the slick dark
macadam into a polished
aluminum track.
First Impression:
This started off as a well told, interesting story with great descriptions and good plot. The last line, however, ruined it for me. I know you were probably going for some twist, and while that does work sometimes, here it is completely unnecessary. The line before that would have been the perfect ending to a great story.
My Suggestions: “They are.” Her voice almost despairing, “You must speak to The Order, men are murmuring defeat already, and I must say, Licthang is quite impressive, he’s gone all out.” While there is nothing technically wrong with this sentence, the words, he's gone all out doesn't seem to fit the story. The rest of the words have a distictiveness about them, one of a mythical place, and these words doesn't match the tone.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
Great characters, well done and clear with distictive personalities and mannerism.
Dialogue:
Natural and real. Well done.
Overall Impression:
You had me until the last line. You took me to a fantasy world, then yanked me back. It didn't work well with this story. As for the writing itself, it was very good. The story was clear and consise, and was full of action. Well done.
First Impression:
A man is a get-away-driver, waiting outside the bank. He observes the people and actions around him, and even reflects on why he is there and how he got there.
My Suggestions:
The second sentence in the first paragraph does not read as a full sentence. I would suggest adding it to the first with a semicolon. Also, the third sentence in same paragraph is rather long and run-on. I would suggest breaking it up.
In the sencond paragraph I would suggest using italics to set off his thoughts from the rest.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
I would have like to know a little more about this character. I know this is hard to do with the word count limit, but maybe instead of all the description, more character analysis.
Dialogue:
There was limited dialogue. Not much to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A good story, that could be great with a little tightening up.
First Impression:
A mother realizes that letting go is harder than she thought it would be. I enjoyed reading this story. I think you covered the emotional range well, and the tone is perfect.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions, this is a well written story.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
The characters are well done and likable.
Dialogue:
The dialogue was natural and easy. Very real feeling.
Overall Impression:
A great story. Not much else to say.
First Impression:
It's Easter and little Mirabelle is scared of the moster hiding in her Easter basket. This is a great story. I thought it was very refreshingly written. It wasn't forced or too descriptive, it was just a story and that is good.
My Suggestions:
I don't have any suggestions.
Grammar/Spelling:
No spelling?grammar errors were noticed.
Characters:
I really liked Mirabelle's character. I think you captured the child very well.
Dialogue:
the dialogue was natural are real. It moved the story along nicely.
Overall Impression:
A great little children's story.
First Impression:
A nice little gore tale about a man that takes his own life instead of turning into a zombie. The imagery is wonderful, and I really enjoyed the tension you built.
My Suggestions:
I would liked to have known a little more about the story, maybe a little background ( I know this is difficult with the word count limit. )
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
I liked your character, but I didn't get the feeling I knew him too well. Maybe with a little expanding now that contest is over, he would feel more 'real'. Dialogue:
Overall Impression:
A good story with nice imagery and orginality.
First Impression:
Two sister who live far apart finally get to see each other, but a sibling rivalry threatens to impede on their good time. The use of the prompt words for the contest is very original and I really enjoyed reading this story. Your imagery was great, and the tone was set well. The ending made me smile.
My Suggestions:
I don't have any suggestions for the actual story, but I would suggest fixingthe format. In certain places you have spaces between paragraphs and dialogue and others you don't. I makes it a little distracting to read.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
I enjoyed these characters. You made them likable and very real feeling. They come across as 'real' and fit the story well.
Dialogue:
The dialogue was great, natural and smooth.
Overall Impression:
A great story that was original and creative with the prompt words given. Well done.
Your words paint such a nice, soft picture, and as I read this I felt I was being moved along in the relationship between these two people. The form works well, and the words are well, and carefully, chosen.
Favorite Line(s):
Then when I fell in love with you,
Your response was starkly daring
You hugged me that day so lovingly,
Your kiss was so unsparing
This is a very interesting poem. I don't know much about this form or style, but I think this works well and delivers a punch. Your wording definitely grabs the readers attention, and the meaning is very clear. Well done.
This was a such a fun read! I love how you managed to go through all the stages of growing up and kept such a fast pace. The wording was perfect, and I the scheme worked very well. The ending tribute to WDC is just the icing on the cake. You told a complete story from beginning to end in such a short, well written and entertaining poem. Well done!
Favorite Line(s) Now they are older but not quite yet grown.
They apologize to me for fighting over a phone.
“It’s really okay.” I say, now that I’m calm.
Cuz I’ve found new interests – on writing .com.
First Impression:
Macy is having a birthday party and is convinced that her father, who is in Iraq, is going to come home, even though her mother says he isn't. This is a very sweet story and I think you capture her excitement, and sorrow, very well. The tone is perfect for a young adult story, and the message is perfect.
My Suggestions:
I don't have any suggestions for this story.
Grammar/Spelling: It was made out of gold and had a pink rose on it that said Princess on it. Macy squealed with delight. There were also pictures of her and her parents in the locket. She had Annette put it on her. In the first sentence here, you use the words on it twice in a row. I would suggest cutting one of them out. Also, the last line here I think her mother would sound better than her mother's name.
Characters:
Macy's character is priceless. You managed to make her real and likeable, and convey her mannerisms very well.
Dialogue:
The dialogue is well written and natural.
Overall Impression:
A great story that will appeal to a wide age range. It's well written and well told.
First Impression:
This is a very well written article. At first I thought it was just going to be a comedy, fly by night type of thing, but then, in an instant, it turned serious. If this is a true 'story' than I applaud your perseverance and the fact that you actually learned something from these hard times.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions, but I would like to know 'the rest of the story' as the ending suggests.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
I think you conveyed the personality and mannerisms nicely.
Dialogue:
There wasn't any dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
Well written and a very good read. I really enjoyed it.
First Impression:
The story of a 'cult' survivor and how she viewed things. I really enjoyed this story! I loved the tone of the piece, and the almost comical feel to it. The ending was perfect, and I think you did a gret job with this and following the prompt.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
You did a wonderful job with this character. You captured her personality well, and made her likable and 'real'.
Dialogue:
There was no dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A great story that was enjoyable to read and well written.
To appreciate what you have at them moment, is an important lesson. Most always wish for more, or something else, but to be truly content is a blessing. The one of this piece is perfect, conveying an almost dream-like feel.
Favorite line(s):
A realization comes over me...
the Past cannot be changed,
but it needs to be remembered.
There is something amazing about finally letting go of the past and moving on. I think this poem shows that very well. The peace and serenity that is felt in the end is a tribute to taking the next step in life.
Favorite line(s): To have a crystal sheen
it must be cleared
of all past hurts
I think these words are very profound. To be able to understand that before you can move on you have to let go of the past, is not always easy to learn.
First Impression:
One day Lanessa was picking apples for a pie and Roscoe tried carrying the burlap sack away. Roscoe is a 200 year old fox that talks. Lanessa grows up to be a vet and comes back to visit roscoe.
My Suggestions:
I do not have any suggestions for this piece.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any mistakes.
Characters:
A great set of characters. I think you managed to convey the innocence of Lanessa and the spunkiness of Roscoe and his family.
Dialogue:
Very natural and smooth. It flowed well and progressed the story nicely.
Overall Impression:
A great little children's story. I really enjoyed the plot and the imagery was wonderful.
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