First Impression:
You defintely have a wonderful way of painting a beautiful picture for the reader. The descriptions were breathtaking, and I enjoyed this little journey. With that being said, it didn't feel finished to me.
My Suggestions:
While I enjoyed the imagery, I would have to suggest that some of it be cut out to add more actual story.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed.
Characters:
I really didn't know this character that well. Needs some fleshing out.
Dialogue:
There wasn't any dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A very descriptive piece that seems to be lacking the story.
First Impression:
A morality story of sorts that is very fitting in today's world.
My Suggestions:
I would have liked to see a little more developement of character and story. I think this piece would greatly benifit from being fleshed out more.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Characters:
The characters need to be more defined so the reader can come to care about them and their plight.
Dialogue:
The dialogue was very good, natural and flowed well.
Overall Impression:
I think this is a good story with a great message, and with a little tweaking it could be great.
The mixture of emotions in this piece is what makes it great. The pain sounds horrible, but I am impressed on how you can laugh about it. And your right, the funny bone - not so funny. I hope you find that person! There were no spelling or grammar misakes noticed.
You did a great job showing the love that Jeni and Buddy have for Sassy. You shone a good light on how adoptions can make a child's life better. I really like how you conveyed the birth mother in a sympathetic light. So many people think that the biological parents are somehow bad, you shown how much she really loved her daughter. I look forward to reading more about Sassy. There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed.
A beatiful poem that shows hard hard it can be to love again after a loss. I think you managed to convey the emotional impact very well, and I thought the story behind it was very good. There were only two places where the flow seemed a little forced, the last line of stanzas two and four. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Your poems are always so descriptive! The imagery is fantastic, and I love the story that is told. It flowed very well, and the rhyme scheme was great. Even when things seem bad, there are always blessing to be counted. You did a great job with the prompt, and there were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
First Impression:
This had a very good tone that pulls the reader into the story. The descriptions are good, though for some reason I thought Cletus was a heafty man, but then you said scrawny neck.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this, except that it could be a little longer. I would like to know, since 'city boy' seemed to be a stranger, a little more about him.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Characters:
Very good characters. You captured their personalities well.
Dialogue:
The dialogue sounded very natural and flowed well.
Overall Impression:
A very good, entertaining story that was an enjoyable read.
First Impression:
I think what really makes this a powerful story is that what happened is very real and the loss so dramatic. The writing her is very smooth, and the emotions come through nicely.
My Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is since this is a very short piece because of word count limits is to use more of an active voice in the beginning.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Characters:
Well rounded and clear.
Dialogue:
There was no dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A well written, yet sad story.
I think this was a very cute, funny poem about the fun of the holidays. Your descriptions were good, though I think this could benifit from a few more. The last stanza was a bit comical, not sure if you just threw that in, but it added a nice touch of humor. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
I think this is a very descriptive poem. A great one to read when winter is on its way and we miss the wonderful beauty of spring. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed, and I only have one suggestion. the flowerbeds on our breath. This line does not read true. How can flowerbeds be on our breath?
I think this is an amazing tribute, and you can feel the love and pride with every word. The flow works very well, as does the choice of words. It reminds us all of the importance of remembering those near and far and the sacrifices made for a better tomorrow. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
This is a great way to share their love. The poem flows well, has has a quick, fun pace. The words are short, but the meaning is felt behind every one of them. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed. I hope your sister appreciates this wonderful gesture.
I think the lesssons learned here and the postivity you found out of the situation was amazing. You have a wonderful attitude, and your words are very inspiring. I hope someone can take these words and make their own obtacles easier to overcome. Technically, there is nothing wrong with this. The writing is smooth and the emotions come through very well.
First Impression:
This is such a sweet and emotional piece. I like how it comes full circle in the end.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this story.
Grammar/Spelling:
Just a few thoughts. Her beloved mother lost to her several years ago, holidays just weren’t the same. I would suggest connecting this sentence to the one before it with a semicolon.
....such a deep-seated bond with her mother. I think, but not sure, that this should read deep-seeded(/b}.
Characters:
You managed to convey their love and family unity very well.
Dialogue:
There wasn't much to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A wonderful Thanksgiving story.
First Impression:
A very intense scene, but, in my opinion, it was not a complete story. While the emotion was there, I couldn't see the conflict or resolution.
My Suggestions:
There needs to be a lot more story to make this complete.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Characters:
Anger was the only trait that came from this character. Needs more development.
Dialogue:
Only one line, and it did follow the prompt.
Overall Impression:
A very good scene, but for a story it still needs some work.
A review for the story you entered in "Invalid Item"
First Impression:
The descriptions in the story were great, and I could easily visualize the scene, but I think at some parts the description are a little too much. The story reads more as a recalling of events than a true story.
My Suggestions:
I think what may be missing here is the emotions of the main character. Some horrible things happen to her, but she comes across that she doesn't care.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed.
Characters:
A very good, well rounded characters.
Dialogue:
There was no dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
You definitely have a knack for descriptive writing, and with a little more emotion, this could be a really good story.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. Winners will be announced on or before November 15th.
A review for the story you entered in "Invalid Item"
First Impression:
I am going to have to say that for the most part stories that start out being narrative usually are not my favorite...but you pulled it off superbly. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It was dark and creepy, and it captivated my attention. You attention to detail was amazing, and the descriptions were very vivid.
My Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this piece.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no grammar or spelling mistakes noticed.
Characters:
Amazingly done. You capture the prisoner prisoner very well, bringing him to life for the reader.
Dialogue:
Very little dialogue, but what was here was natural and flowed very well.
Overall Impression:
A wonderful, well written story. Well done.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. Winners will be announced on or before November 15th.
A review for the story you entered in "Invalid Item"
First Impression:
A mute woman goes on a walk in the woods and is confronted by a wolf, only to find that wasn't the real nightmare. I really enjoyed the imagery of this story. You descriptions were great, bringing the scenes to life. The ending was the best part for me, but I am partial to a 'twist' [e:smile}.
My Suggestions:
I would have like to have more action from the beginning. A little less of the backstory about her boss at work and things like that would have made this a more powerful story. Maybe have her start in the woods, and have a few of these thoughts along the way?
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes.
Characters:
A very good character. You brought her to life and gave her likability.
Dialogue:
There was no dialogue to comment on.
Overall Impression:
A good story that was enjoyable to read and kept my attention.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. Winners will be announced on or before November 15th.
I think this is a very interesting thing to do. Most people don't think about where 'it' comes from, and to take the time to write a thank you, is very clever. I enjoyed reading it, and can completely understand it. There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
First Impression:
A very descriptive story that brings the reader directly into the scenes. The tone is good, though in places it is very passive.
My Suggestions:
My suggestion is that I think this needs to be expanded. I know there was a word count for the contest, but the ending seems very abrupt, without a complete explaination. I would like to know what they did about the uninvited guests, and why they were there in the first place.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no spelling or grammar mistakes noticed.
Characters:
Very good characters. The reader can identify with them immediately.
Dialogue:
Very natural and flows very well. It moves the story along nicely.
Overall Impression:
A good story that is well written, but it doesn't quite seem finished to me.
I like this poem and the story it tells, it always amazes me when someone can tell a complete tale in a poem. The only thing I noticed is that in a few places, like the second and third stanza, the rhyme seemed forced, I think it was just the word choice. But overall the poem was done well, and I didn't notice and grammar or spelling mistakes.
Thank you for sharing.
Vikki
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/victoria/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 11:53am on May 11, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
First Impression: