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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/warpedsanity/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
1,142 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return. Rising star award
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi again. *Bigsmile*

Reading your description, this sounds like a great family movie, albeit a sad one. After reading this, if I were looking for an inspirational watch, I'd check this one out. The film seems to focus on real-life struggles many of us face. There will be tears shed, but the overall theme of the poem is an inspiration through Christian morals.

The only thing I would suggest here is maybe not giving the whole movie away. There are ways to share aspects without giving specific details. For example, when you tell the reader about all of the son's failures that lead to his eventual theater career, you could simply write, "He rises above life's mishaps, finding his true calling" or something like that. Then, we know that we are going to see some inspiration, but the journey is still a surprise.

Other than that, I think you did a good job on the assignment. I like how you share that this is family friendly, even though it does have a subtopic of overcoming abuse. Then you also encourage the reader further by watching it by making sure to let them know what awards the film has received. In addition, you highlight some famous actors who are in the film. Big actors always catch people's attention.

You did well with this. Thanks for putting so much effort into the assignment. *Heart*




Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers
27
27
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Although some aspects are false, some parts hit home somewhat. I am not an anti-vaxxer, but I did opt out of the HPV vaccination per recommendation of a few nurses. At the time, several young people were in the hospital with autoimmune disease due to the vaccine.

Your fictional story does show the controversy and judgment towards those like myself who make that choice. It also shows how things can get out of hand when people feel strongly for or against something. This knitters club was merely raising money to help the family and not necessarily supporting the antivaccination movement. Yet, since their child had a poor response to the HPV vaccination, their child became a poster child of sorts for the movement.

You also taught me something new. I was totally unaware of laws in place that prevent creators of vaccinations from taking responsibility for any issues that might occur. That is pretty disturbing. One would think that they should be held responsible if it is found that they knowingly put something out for the public without the proper warnings.

This was an interesting read. Honestly, if you wouldn't have made me aware of what was false and what was true, I might have believed the story to be true.

Great job. *Heart*



Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers
28
28
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I'm reviewing this for my challenge in "a very Wodehouse challenge. This is truly an awesome auction/raffle, which is why I chose it as my first to review.

Design
It was smart to use a theme that is familiar to all. I mean, who hasn't read or at least watched Alice in Wonderland? It makes it memorable for those who see it in passing and they are more likely to return.Plus, you keep to the theme throughout, making it visually appealing.

It was smart to offer both an auction and a raffle. Not everyone can afford to bid on packages, so this encourages more to contribute.

Mechanics
There are no spelling or grammar issues. Also, the rules are easy to understand.

Promtness of Responces
As always, you are prompt with your responses. I don't see any anonymous gifts in your forum right now, but I know from experience you are awesome at adding a note in the forum, tagging the gifted and letting them know they have received an anonymous gift. This is why I utilize your activity when I am participating in Secret Pal or Secret Santa.

Final thoughts
This is a great fundraiser that benefits some great groups. Keep up the awesome work. *Heart*
29
29
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Ha* *Rolling* *Rolling* *Rolling* ! Hillarious!

I knew this was going to be great once I read the title!

"“Paul’s always acted a bit dog-like but only recently has he started to accept it. I think it was when he caught a frisbee in his mouth that Paul realized it wasn’t some quirk, this was real.” " *FacePalm* *Rolling* I almost spit my coffee out in laughter with that line.

This just got more humorous as it went. You seemed a little self-conscious about sliding this in on the last day of the week, but it is apparent you put a lot of thought into writing it.

This is relevant to today in a comical sense. Funny thing is, my guy is a white guy named Joe and the other day he announced to me that he's decided to self-identify as a Mexican and I should now call him Jose. I better not show him this or he'll decide to self-identify as a dog and howl when, well, you know. Buahaha!

Thanks for the laughs! This was five stars all the way!


Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers
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Review of Bridget's Miracle  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi OOT™ ! This is your third review for your winning package in the "Chinese New Year Celebration. This was another wonderful story to start my day off with. It was light and fun to read.

The hook
Again, we are introduced to the conflict. She's witnessed a miracle and I wanted to read to the end to find out what it was.

Dialogue
The dialogue was executed exceptionally well in this story. It was mostly thrown into the actions of the story, which made it feel like I was watching the story unfold, rather than just being told someone said something.

Character Development
There is a ton of character development in this one. With such a short word count you were able to develop four characters without it getting too confusing. That is not an easy thing to do.

Both the mother and father seem like typical stern parents. They neglect to listen, only focusing on the fact that she is hanging out with someone she was told not to. Also, the father seems judgmental because of him judging the friend due to the mistakes of her parents.

The brother appears immature in the way he teases her. The teasing he inflicts on her felt realistic. It is realistic to sibling rivalry.

Scenery
There isn't a ton of scenery shown, but the scenery there is thrown into the actions of the story, rather than being long drawn out descriptions that the reader would skip over. For example, the father sitting behind the newspaper is shown into the actions of the story before he begins to lecture her.

Plot
The plot is interesting. I felt sorry for her when nobody would listen to her. Apparently, she had witnessed something important or else she wouldn't be so distracted that she'd unknowingly spill water all over the floor. Then when we find out what it is, it is something totally unexpected. I had to giggle at how she chose to tell them, which suggests that others are reading her secret stuff.

Mechanics
I didn't see any issues to address. Unlike the other two stories, this one has more of an active voice due to the lack of the word was and there is also a lot of showing, rather than telling, which helps the reader see what is going on more clearly.

Final thoughts
Overall, great story. It was a fun and entertaining read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed raiding your port the past few days. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
31
31
Review of Grandpa's Gift  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi OOT™ !This is the second review for your winning package in the "Chinese New Year Celebration. I chose this one because I thought it would have an uplifting quality. Since it was early in the morning when I read this, I wanted to start my day with something positive.

The hook
The first paragraph introduces the conflict, which works well as a hook. We know that she is mourning the death of her grandfather. Even worse, he has passed shortly before Christmas. Holidays are always hard when we have lost a loved one, so the fact that he died right before an important holiday is more painful.

Dialogue
The dialogue is conversational, which gives it a realistic feel. You even add some body language, rather than the overuse of said.

Character Development
I could feel Olivia's sadness in this. It was apparent that she was really close to her grandfather.

Grandpa appears to have a good sense of humor. I like how the story is lightened when he comes into the picture. I could see him there smiling at her.

The mother is shown somewhat. To enhance the mother's character it might help to add some concern in her expressions.

Scenery
The scenery is pretty basic. There really isn't much, but I'm not sure if it would enhance the story to add more since most of the plot has little to do with the scenery. If anything, the scenery could maybe be used more to enhance the polarities with her sadness and the brightness of the holiday. For example, blinking tree lights which should represent joy would contrast her emotional state.

Plot
The plot is interesting. With so few words you were able to add a twist, which isn't easy to do in approximately 500 words. I liked the ending too. It was a surprise, which is refreshing.
Mechanics
Grammatically, I didn't see any issues. Although, I do have some suggestions in reference to the execution of the story. Like the first story I read of yours, I would suggest to avoid ly words and the word "was". Ly words are evidence of telling, rather than showing. The word "was" represents a passive rather than active voice. Keeping an active voice within the writing helps to keep the reader as if they are an active participant in the story, while a passive voice feels more like the reader is an outsider looking in.

Final thoughts
Overall, I thought this was a great little story. It was a wonderful feel-good story.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts on your writing were helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
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Review of Rising Stars  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hi,Dominique ! Impressive article. It was very persuasive. Great suggestions too! There are so many physical things we can add to our normal routine to help maintain physical fitness. I already do the parking in the back of the parking lot and taking the stairs, rather than the elevator, but I might give some of the others a try.

After reading this, I'd definitely hire you to do a write-up for me if I owned a business. The only thing I see that needs improvement is that you forgot a space between paragraph four and five. Other than that, this is a well-executed article.

Excellent job on the assignment! *Bigsmile*



Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers
33
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,J.L. O'Dell ! This was a fun article to read and it was relevant to the holiday this month. Happy St. Paddy's day, by the way!

I like how you showed the bias in the reporter. Clearly, in speech, the older woman was quite happy to receive money, yet the reporter claims she is distraught. It reminds me of how modern media twists the facts and peoples words to match their own personal means.

If only this little guy existed! I could use a prankster who leaves a hundred dollar bill in my door.

Overall, great job on the assignment. *Heart*

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers
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Review of Cure Found  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, L.A. Grawitch ! This was a great article. I could feel your excitement about the discovery as I read it.

I found it especially interesting because I am actually taking courses to work in geriatrics. It prompted me to research more about this therapy in reference to dementia. Of course, we are not quite there yet to where we can cure the disorder, but we have gone so far with understanding genes, so I wouldn't be surprised if sometime in the very near future, your article would be 100% true.

Excellent job on completing the assignment!



Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
35
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Review of Going Home  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi OOT™ ! I'm finally getting around to giving your reviews owed to you from your winning package in the "Chinese New Year Celebration. My apologies for the delay. It has been a busy week for me.

I can see why this story has gotten so many positive reviews over the years. It is a memorable one.

The hook
Right away we are taken into the conflict of the story. This woman has lost her family, which resulted in severe emotional issues and a stay at the psyche ward. It is a good hook. I wanted to read on to find out what happened to her family and to know what her eventual outcome would be.

Dialogue
The dialogue is executed well. It is conversational, rather than overly formal, which makes it feel realistic.

Character Development
I love the way you show the personalities of the characters in a way that also shows the dynamics of their relationships. Jeff has a sarcastic streak and during these times I can imagine a glimmer of a mischievous smile. Then when it comes to the daughter, she is a typical teen going through a vanity faze. The too much make-up is very typical of her age.

Scenery
The scenery is perfect. It shows the story, rather than being long-winded and irrelevant descriptions. For example, we are shown the home through descriptions that are relevant to the plot. We are shown the sadness of leaving this place behind and you show the contents of the home or lack of contents through her emotions about it. The removal of the contents without her permission is symbolic of her family being ripped from her.

Plot
The plot is excellent. I was glued to your words as this story unraveled and couldn't help but get emotional when I found out what happened to her family and her eventual outcome.

There were a few things, which I would like to suggest to make this great story even better. One is the importance of an active voice, rather than a passive voice. The repeated use of "was" shows a passive voice. Below is an example of a suggestion on how to transform one area from passive to active. Your words are in blue and mine are in green.

With a final look at the house and life she was about to leave behind, she got up into the truck and hurried away.

She turned, taking one last glance at the home which represented her former life, then got into the truck and hurried away.


Another suggestion I have is to avoid ly words. Ly words are usually a sign of telling rather than showing. Below is an example of a sentence in your story where you used an ly word and a suggestion for turning the sentence into a showing sentence, rather than a telling one. Your words are in blue and mine are in green.

"Baby, I'm pregnant," Jill said hesitantly after they had finished their dinner.


Her rapid heartbeat thumped hard against her chest plate as she contemplated her words. "Baby, I," is all she mustered before she looked away to inhale some courage and exhale what she needed to say. "I-I'm pregnant."

Mechanics
For the most part, this is error free from my perception. There was only one area that jumped out at me.

Oh, those damn memories! - This is just a style preference, but I feel italics would work better. It would make this line stand out more as internal dialogue.

Final thoughts
Albeit sad, this was a great story. There were some great twists, which uncover the past and help us understand this woman's current situation and emotional state. There is also a lesson here about the harm of drinking and driving.

Thank you for sharing your writing. It has been a pleasure reading your writing. Any advice I have given is only an attempt to help a fellow writer. Hopefully, my suggestions have been helpful. Most importantly, keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
36
36
Review of Disillusionment  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Thank you for your continued contributions to the"Rebel Poetry Contest. *Bigsmile*

This was a lovely verse. I like how you express that the Earth will rejuvenate itself once we are extinct. It expresses the continuation of life but also reminds us that the planet is going to do what it has to do to survive, even if it means getting rid of the human pests.

Of course, you had to throw a bit of your comedic mind in it, with equating Trump's mental state to poop. This seems to be your creative signature. *Bigsmile*

Thanks for submitting your poem to the contest. *Heart*

37
37
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Excellent job! The clues are easy to understand and a challenge, yet they are not overly hard to find. I like how you even added the Rising Star group leader.

Overall, you did a good job with this and it is apparent you took the time to really get to know fellow Rising stars to create this. Thanks for putting so much effort into its creation. *Heart*
38
38
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Some of these clues were really challenging. Although, they were not too hard to find. I love how you encourage people to read the members actually writing. It is clear you took a lot of time to really get to know fellow Rising Stars in order to create this. Excellent job!

39
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just wanted to stop by and tell you that you did an excellent job on this assignment. Your questions are super creative. They not only show that you took the time to really get to know fellow Rising Stars, but you show appreciation of their writing, too. I love the one about the flatulence poem!

Thanks for putting so much effort into the assignment. Great job! *Heart*
40
40
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Just wanted to stop by and tell you that you did an excellent job on this assignment. It is obvious you took the time to browse other fellow candidates, getting to know them to make creative questions. Plus, the questions are clear and challenging, yet not overly hard to find.

Thanks for putting so much effort into the assignment. Great job! *Heart*
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Review of Twirling  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, Jacky! As part of my challenge in "a very Wodehouse challenge, I am supposed to review five members I have never reviewed before. So, tag you are it. *Bigsmile*

I'm glad I stopped by your profile, you offer a variety of good reading material. This story, in particular, was an interesting one.

The hook
The first paragraph doesn't work as a hook. Instead, it sets up the character in the story. Their life is not good. Apparently, they are alone and depressed.

The hook actually starts when they begin passing by windows, seeing people. At this point, I suspected they might see something imperative to the plot.

Character Development
There is only one defined character in the story. It is never specified whether it is a female or male, but I sensed female qualities in them, especially with the ending.

This is an individual who is going through some difficult times and several times they have considered giving up on life altogether. The scene with them walking by the windows further encourages this thought because it is like they are an outsider looking in on life, rather than being a part of it.

Scenery
There's just enough scenery to show the story. A lot of it is relevant to helping us understand the emotional position of the character.

Plot
I found this story to be interesting. I was shocked by the ending, but it made sense and I couldn't help but wonder about this story from the figurine's perspective. I'm sure they'd want to trade places.

Mechanics
From my knowledge, I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors.

Final thoughts

I thought this was a great little story. It was filled with imagery and very creative. Thanks for sharing your writing. It was a pleasure reviewing you today.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
42
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Review of Two Brothers  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi John! As part of my challenge in "a very Wodehouse challenge I need to review five members I've never reviewed before. So, tag, you are it. *Bigsmile*

This was an interesting story! So, I am glad I found your port.

The hook
The first paragraph doesn't include a hook, but it does set up the scene so that we understand what this man's life is like. The hook is actually when the phone rings and we find out that the brother is in trouble.

Dialogue
The dialogue is conversational, which helps it feel realistic. You also avoid the redundancy of said and instead add other descriptions which show the story more.

Character Development
We have four characters defined in this story. We have James, James' wife, Thomas, and the mother. James is apparently a family man and very giving. This is apparent because we are told all that he has already done for his brother. His mother is obviously an enabler, who guilds James into being an enabler with her.

This Thomas is not brought into the scenes, but we learn about him through the drama in the story. He's an addict, who makes a lot of bad choices, which mom and brother are usually there to fix. Now, he's ruined his body and seeking his brother's sacrifice in order to fix that.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery, but it isn't needed to show the story.

Plot
The plot makes a moral point. I appreciated that you took a different stance on this. There are a lot of stories out there showing how great self-sacrifice is, but this story makes one question that concept and ask one's self, "Does everyone deserve such things?" Maybe it is better for someone to pay the consequences for their actions.

Mechanics
I found a few areas where I feel need improvement. Your words are in blue and mine are in black.

Please James this is serious
- This should be "Please, James, this is serious." Otherwise, she is asking for him to please James, rather than begging him to take her words seriously.

He couldn’t help but to think that life was good.- I noticed you used "that" a lot. In most of the cases, the word is not needed.

His mother never just called, something had to be wrong. There should be a period, rather than a comma, separating these phrases.

Final thoughts
Overall, this was a good read. You added a lot of detail with very few words, which is challenging.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Survivor  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi there! As part of my challenge in "a very Wodehouse challenge I am supposed to review five individuals I have never reviewed before. I found this particular story in the random read and reviews, but earlier today I was browsing your profile because I saw your name in the newsfeed. Welcome to WdC by the way!

The hook
The imagery in that first paragraph grabbed me. It is beautiful and metaphoric, yet there is a hint of something horrible. I just had to know why she was just laying there watching the days pass.

Dialogue
There is only one bit of dialogue when she talks at her reflection in the mirror, but it is well done and I don't see any need for more in the story, especially since she is alone at the moment.

Character Development
This woman is interesting in a creepy, yet sad sort of way. There is something ominous about her, yet one can't help but feel sad for her.

Scenery
The scenery is executed exceptionally well in this short write. You've added a lot of detail in such a way that it enhances the mood of the story, without feeling like we are given a bunch of unneeded stuff. Every bit is relevant to the showing of the story.

Plot
The plot was interesting. I like how you add a strong twist by using that one stand-alone line, letting us know she was not a survivor. It makes the reader pause and think. At that moment, all sorts of things went through my mind. Was she dead? Was she someone who caused this war?

Then that ending gave me chills. I don't want to give too many details away for future readers, so I will just say it was a surprise.

Mechanics
I didn't find any issues to bring to your attention. From my perception, this is a well-edited piece.

Final thoughts
It is really hard to create a detailed story, with all the important storytelling elements with only a 300-word count limit. So, the fact that you did it while delivering an excellent story, you should be proud of yourself.

Still, I could see how this story could be expanded on. There are so many places you could take this.

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Ask Me  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi, Victor! As part of my challenge in "a very Wodehouse challenge I need to review five members I've never reviewed before, so tag you're it. *Bigsmile*

I clicked on this story because I love a good horror story. Plus, you mention in the description that you are looking for advice on this one. Hopefully, my thoughts are helpful.

The hook
You literally begin the story with a bang, which hints that something traumatic is going on. This was a great way to grab your readers.

The term garish sort of threw me off a little though. The word garish is typically used to describe something visually loud, not something auditory loud. For example, someone wearing a lot of bling would appear garish.

Dialogue
The dialogue is conversational, which gives it a realistic feel. Johnathan uses more formal speech with less commonly used words like pugnacious. Since the detective uses simpler language, in my opinion, the more formal language builds on Johnathan's personality.

Character Development

Johnathan seems like an educated man. Little details like him carrying a briefcase further encourages the educated aspect because those who need briefcases for work usually work with their minds rather than their body.

Due to the banging on the table, I thought you were going to describe the typical frustrated, aggressive detective, but he ends up appearing tame, especially when he comforts Johnathan by grabbing his hand.

The detective looks at his partner with a perplexed expression on his face- In this area, you are telling your reader about his expression, rather than showing it. There are several ways to show someone is perplexed. To name a few, someone might furl their eyebrows together or lift an eyebrow.

Later, when you express that Johnathan looks wounded, you are again telling us, rather than showing us. I imagine you were trying to express him being forlorn. Some ways you can show this wounded, exhausted look could be bloodshot eyes, dark circles under his eyes, or puffiness under eyes from crying.

The physical descriptions of characters, in the beginning, distract, rather than add to the story. Since the detective is banging on the table, I imagined you wanted to show intensity, but when you switch to tell the reader how good looking the characters are, it feels like you are trying to set-up a romance with them, rather than paint a dramatic situation.

Scenery
There is just enough scenery to show the story. Anymore would distract from the plot.

Plot
I thought the premise of the story was really good. These flash fiction stories are the most challenging to write. So, the fact that you were able to get a strong beginning, a little twist, and a shock ending is really good.

The ending was a surprise. In the beginning, there are no hints to this possession, but later the Oaija board being tossed at his feet works as a good hint. It does so without giving away the conclusion.

Mechanics
From my evaluation, there are no grammar issues. The only thing I found is a missing quotation mark after that last long bit of dialogue from Johnathan.

Final thoughts
I thought this was a great little flash fiction. Any suggestions I have made are only ways I think you can make a good story even better.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts on your writing were helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Fog  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
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Hi there. As part of my challenge in "a very Wodehouse challenge I need to review five individuals I have never reviewed before. While stalking your port, this story caught my attention because it is in the paranormal genre. I like a good ghost story, so I figured I would give it a read.

The hook
The beginning does hint at something sinister, which encourages the reader to want to read more. Only, that first sentence just doesn't read right for me for some reason. I'm not really sure if you mean that the actual river was too foggy to see anything clearly or if "it" (the shadow) was difficult to see by the river.

Dialogue
A lot of the dialogue is conversational, which is good. Characters speak in normal speech patterns, rather than seeming overly formal. You even use things like "outta", which shows a little bit of an accent.

Character Development
Bobby isn't smart in some ways. Most people know that shining bright lights on fog only causes more blur, but Bobby tries anyways. Or, maybe he was just nervous. Sometimes people do irrational things when they are nervous.

The story is told through a first-person account, but we never get to know the person's name. We don't even know the gender of the narrator. The only one that is given a name and gender is the boyfriend.

Scenery
The scenery was shown clearly. We get a strong sense of how this fog is hiding something bad. It gives an ominous feel to the story. Plus, we are shown other details, like the parking lot.

Plot

The overall concept is good. I could see what you were trying to show or at least I think I do. Although, there are some holes in your plot. You seem to be missing the who, what, and why in the story. Who was after them, why did they do it, and what did they actually do to the boyfriend?

Why were they by this lake? How did they even get there if the fog was so thick? Also, why would Bobby leave him/her behind? Wouldn't they go to the truck together in order to leave together?

Also, why is the seat wet in the truck? It is inside the truck, so I figured maybe it was blood or something else, rather than dew, but the main character never looks to see what the moisture is.

Mechanics
I lost him. He was no more than a few steps from the bench and I couldn’t see Bobby anymore. - When you add "he" a few times and then Bobby towards the end, it makes it seem as though you are meaning to show more than one male character.

Throughout the story, you go back and forth from present tense to past tense. Below are two examples, but the issue is throughout the whole story.

I’m frantically searching all around as Bobby turns his phone light on and off.- Here you use present tense verbs such as "searching" and "turns"

There it was again. I know I saw it this time.- The use of "was" and "saw" makes this told in past tense.

Final thoughts
The premise of the story is actually good. It just feels like a rough draft to me. With some editing, I think the story would be a really good one.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are only the opinion of one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Homecoming  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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While browsing the random read and reviews I ran across this heartfelt story. I'm glad I did. Although it was sad, it was a great read.

The hook
The story begins with introducing us to the scenery, obviously to help the reader understand how cold it is. Although, the actual hook is when we are introduced to the old man.

I can see how the weather elements are important in setting the scene for the man, but maybe you could move his introduction further up in the story and add those weather elements to the man's actions and appearance.

Dialogue
We don't have any dialogue until toward the end when we are introduced to the shopkeeper. The dialogue that is there is conversational and unique to the character. Although, the homeless man does not say anything in return which is odd. One would think he'd actually say something back.

He does speak toward the end though. That speech is particularly moving and I couldn't help but get watery-eyed.

Character Development
Most of the story is the development of the homeless man's character. His physical appearance is particularly vivid. We are shown him with the sense of sight and smell.

We are shown those around how he would see them: self-absorbed and an avoidance of him. Then, of course, cleaned up, they treat him much differently. The contrast in their actions makes an important statement.

The Shopkeeper seems kind. He obviously has respect for the homeless man because he claims he would clean the package for free.

Scenery
Like I mentioned earlier, the scenery you show is important to set the scene for this man. Understanding the harsh cold and his predicament is an important part of the story. Although, I do think it is a little overdone and the story would flow better if these elements were added to the actions of the man.

After reading this, I realized you never mention what city he is in. Obviously, when we get to the wall, we know he must be in Washington DC. Although, there is a replica in other places, like Las Vegas. So, maybe mentioning the city he is in or hinting with the actual name of the bridge described would help in giving a visual to readers.

Plot
The plot of this story is excellent. You give hints like the package, the way the shopkeeper treats him, and his yearly venture "home", which intrigue the reader to continue reading. Yet, these hints do not totally give away the story.

I don't want to give away the conclusion to someone who might read this review and choose to read this story, so I will just say the conclusion is excellent. It is an important message, for which all should learn and understand.

Mechanics
I found some areas, for which I feel need your attention.

His six foot frame still stood tall- six-foot
fear played almost no part in his make up- makeup
he really cared very little whither he lived or died.- Whether
I am here one more years boys- year
"Thank you sir"- There should be a comma before "sir"
Of that number a large portion are veterans of our wars.- There should be a comma after number.

Final thoughts
I may have had some opinions on repairs, but the premise for this story was excellent. It was heartwarming and that ending is one that lingers on the reader's psyche, encouraging them to look at others with different perspectives.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Loveless Love  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hi, Dominique. I'm here to review this entry as a judge in the "Rebel Poetry Contest


First thoughts
As I read this, I thought of a verbally abusive relationship. They always seem to check the boxes in the beginning, then once they have you, their true colors show. Even those of us who have been shown good examples of how one should be treated can be tricked by such a person.


Unique voice and analogies

This is a subject which I think many can relate to, but the voice in the poem is still unique. A lot of your words were blunt, showing how his treatment toward you devolves. You use a few metaphors. I thought the comparison of his treatment of you to the dirt on his shoes was pretty good.

Emotive qualities
I like how as his behavior changes, your words become angrier. Although, there is a little self-blame in the wording when you begin to evaluate why you are still there, which is common in such situations.

Flow
Rhymes were consistent, which helped the poem flow smoothly. The only rhyme that seems a little forced is the last line. This only seems forced because it doesn't seem to make sense to me after the "chivalry" line.

Mechanics
I didn't trip over any grammar or spelling issues. So, this was a well edited verse.

Final thoughts
I thought this was a good fit for the contest and you utilized the prompt well. Thank you for submitting an entry to the contest. Hopefully, you will continue to enter in future months. *Heart*


Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine what advice to apply to your writing. Hopefully, my thoughts expressed here have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi, Jeff. I'm here to review this entry as a judge in the "Rebel Poetry Contest

First thoughts
Your mind seemed to go in the same direction mine did when I found this image. Like you show in your poem, we do seem to be in a society where people are too overly sensitive, taking offense to people who voice different views. This is especially frustrating to a moderate conservative like me. I get bashed by both political parties if I speak up. I'm a bigot if I share my conservative views and If I share my liberal views I'm likely to be called a libtard.


Unique voice and analogies

I wouldn't say the voice or analogies are exactly unique, but I felt your poem was relatable, especially to the current political climate. No matter what political stance one takes, there is someone to take offense, rather than debate. If one does attempt debate it seems to be viewed as an attack lately and there is retaliation, rather than discussion.

Emotive qualities
In my opinion, all poetry should encourage emotions in the reader. To me, yours seemed to present frustration toward the norms of being overly sensitive to different modes of thought. I especially like the sarcasm in various areas where question marks are. It leaves the reader to contemplate, asking themselves those questions.

I love that last stanza. It concludes the poem perfectly with the dangers of the reality society has created. Silencing free speech silences individuality, which can be even more dangerous than a foreign invasion.

Flow
Through your word usage, I felt this flowed like a prose. I do feel it needs to be tightened up a little because some areas express the same concept but in different wording. For example, stanza one expresses the same thing as stanza four.

Mechanics
I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors to trip over.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed reading your verse. Thank you for submitting an entry to the contest. Hopefully, you will continue to enter in future months. *Heart*


Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine what advice to apply to your writing. Hopefully, my thoughts expressed here have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
Rated: E | (5.0)

I just wanted to stop by and rate my reading, but I'll respond to the card reading via personal message.

I love the creative way you display these, by the way. Even though I am not there, it gives the feel of an actual person to person reading. Plus, the words flow off the tongue, so eloquently. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
50
50
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am reviewing this as part of my "a very Wodehouse challenge. One of the challenges was to review three items listed under the comedy genre, and well, I knew just where to look for some humor. *Bigsmile*

Honestly, I clicked on this at random in your humor folder. I'm glad I did though because I got a good laugh out of this one.


First thoughts

After the first read, I thought this was a more accurate fairy tale. I mean, seriously, these princesses do seem to wait way too long. No human would be that patient, especially a woman.

Imagery
The imagery is of a princess waiting for her prince. Apparently, she's waited way too long, and if he truly cared for her, he'd be more prompt. Actually, I could see most women having that very same attitude if someone was extremely late without bothering to give notice or have a reasonable reason why.

Emotive qualities
The objective here is obviously to get a laugh out of the reader, and you delivered. The warped and sadistic side of me especially found the humor in what her father would do to him. Then that punchline had me rolling.

Flow
You stuck to the form and the rhymes were consistent. There were no areas for me to trip over.

Final thoughts
Thanks for the laughs! I'm not surprised this was a funny read. You do have a gift for humorous writing.

Thank you for sharing your humorous side with us, Ken! *Bigsmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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