This is your second review in your package on in the Icecream Social. To be honest, I didn't want to stop reading this. It is that good. I just figured I better pause and send a review before I get too far. This review will cover the first three chapters.
The detail and imagery are so well executed in this book. I'm sure these are some of the most edited chapters in the book since they are earlier chapters, but I am in awe. I feel humbled by reviewing this because you are so beyond me in skill. You are the type of writer I hope to be one day.
The dialogue is conversational, with each character showing their unique traits in their chosen words. When these characters are conversing, I feel like I am right there watching them speak.
The friendship between Merci and Semine was weaved into the dialogue so well. I could feel their connection in friendship flowing naturally through their words and the body language accompanying the dialogue.
These characters are dimensional, which makes them feel real. I've decided to discuss each separately.
Merci- I'm so attached to this character! At first, I when I realized she is a trust fund baby, I thought of the trust-fund babies I know. They seem to have it easy because they don't have to work hard due to their parents paying for everything. Yet, they complain about their life. Although, this is coming from the perception of someone who has had to work hard for everything I have.
Merci is much different than any trust-fund babies I know. She's well traveled and has seen the harsher side of humanity. This has made her less trusting of people. With this, I felt a kinship with her.
Also, experiences with what she has decided is a demon has made her learn how to face her fears head-on. She realizes that fear will always be there, but she doesn't allow it to control her. This shows a lot of strength.
Her physical appearance is an interesting one. Making her void of skin pigment is an interesting concept. I love the way you show her love for her milky skin in the shower. Beautiful imagery there. Then when she shows Simone her naked body, another side of her is shown. As much as she is an introvert, she is not actually all that shy.
Sam- This is one scary guy. Even though he is older with a prosthetic leg, I'd still be afraid of him. He has no guilt with killing and actually enjoys it. He's the kind of guy you slit your throat, then looks you in the eye and smile.
He has let himself go by drinking quite a bit, which says there may be some underlining guilt, but he doesn't express it so much. It is almost like his memories are reminiscing is past.
He's let himself go in the aspect of that military cleanliness. When I left him last, he was not so happy about his superior officer arriving at his mess. I would imagine he is going to hurry up and tidy the place up before we meet The Great Oz.
Simene- He's a unique sort. In a way, he reminded me of my son, who is also a huge tech nerd. His awkward dress and hairstyle seem to be less about trying to be unique and more to do with not having a concept of style. This makes him highly awkward, even though he is smart.
I could totally see why Merci felt comfortable with him right away. Those of us who are awkward tend to be drawn to other awkward individuals. Awkward people don't quite know or in a lot of cases even try to conform to what society deems normal. This realness makes them seem more trustworthy.
The demon- I'm thinking this is the only interpretation she could come up with and it isn't a demon at all. Maybe it is a witchdoctor of sorts? That would tie in with the indigenous people in the prologue. I'm not sure, but I look forward to finding out.
The cat- Yes, I know it is just an animal, but Merci's cat plays an important part in two of the chapters. He's a lot like his owner in the way that he is not very trusting. In a way, he is a lot like a familiar, letting Merci know when there is a threat of danger. Likewise, he also confirms when she should trust someone. His immediate positive response to Simene is evidence of this.
You weave these details into the showing of characters and plot so well. Little details like showing the Lord of the Rings etchings on the bookshelf, show more of Merci's personality. Details of her home, which are extravagant, matches the understanding that she has received a large inheritance.
When we meet Sam, we are shown disorder, which matches his indulgence in alcohol, but you focus a lot on those phones, which says they are significant. The fact that those phones are not modern, says they have been sitting there for a while most likely dormant. This matches other evidence in the chapter when we learn they use to ring constantly, yet have been silent for some time.
Chapter one introduces the reader to Maci. I was hoping to experience the same excellent imagery and detail that was in the prologue and I was not disappointed.
I have seen people have seizures, in some of the cases it was due to epilepsy and unfortunately in other cases an overdose. Due to this, I can say you were spot on with your descriptions when Merci experiences this. You either are familiar with this too or did an awful lot of research. Then you use what some people claim they experience during a seizure, which is sort of an outer body experience. In Merci's case, it is more like traveling. When she travels, I felt like I needed to remember every detail she sees because it will be important at some point in the novel.
Chapter two introduces us to Sam. I don't know if he will be an enemy or foe to the other characters. Like I mentioned, he is a scary man. Although, all the details like the phones, show that he is involved with something important and that the government might have some involvement in what is going on with the man in the prologue and with Merci.
Chapter three brings all the chapters together thus far without giving everything away. I'm wondering if Sam and The Great Oz are two of the military men she wrote about in her journal entry shown to Simene. Then there is that message, which ties in the character in the prologue.
I suspect that every detail in these three chapters is important, even that contraption Semine build will have its importance in the story. This makes me want to make sure and grasp every detail.
I only found one issue, which can be found in the chapter titled Simene.
guild line for creating an olive skinned girl- Did yo mean guideline?
The chapters flow so effortlessly, that I could not find any areas where things should be tightened up, expanded on etc. So far chapters are well edited and excellently written.
The only disappointment I have is that I can't hold this in my hand and curl up on a couch to read it as I would normally do with a great novel. Instead, I have to experience it on the computer screen.
It took a lot of willpower putting this story down, which means it is a really awesome read. It is an honor being able to read this before publication. I have no doubt it will be published one day.
I'm off to meet The Great Oz now. I'll send you another review later today or tomorrow.