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1,142 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return. Rising star award
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I am reviewing this as part of my "a very Wodehouse challenge. One of the challenges was to review three items listed under the comedy genre.

Yikes! That man sure had a horrible bedside manner. One would think he would at least warn you and show some compassion towards your reaction to the treatments. This was a great story, but I must admit, I cringed more than laughed.

The hook
Right away you get to the point. We know your eye is causing you issue. There is mention of your son, which made me wonder if the doctor's appointment and your son would somehow be the comedic element. I was curious to read on, so it worked as a hook.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well. There is plenty of body language with dialogue, which helps the reader see these characters speaking, rather than just being told they said something. For example, since the doctor's mannerisms are cold-like, I saw him speaking nonchalant, without compassion, almost as if he was bored and uncaring.

Character Development
As I mentioned in the dialogue area, you did well showing this doctor to have a horrible bedside manner. His treatment was almost horrifying.

I like how you developed the parent/child relationship here. Young children sometimes do seem to have a psychic connection to their mothers, knowing when they are hurt, just like us parents do.

Scenery
The scenery is perfectly added to the actions of the story. I like how you showed the playroom. I giggled at the mention of the germy toy.

The doctor's office was pretty typical. All the details there sort of gave the experience a creepy feel, especially when he does the procedure without bothering to explain.

Plot
I thought this was a great story. In many ways it was relatable. I think most readers can say they have had an experience with a doctor with a bad bedside manner. Also, as a parent, I could relate to the aspects described with your son.

Mechanics
Honestly, I could not find any issues that jumped out at me. There were no confusing bits to trip over. You seem to have edited this story well.

Final thoughts
I surely hope you let others know to not see this doctor and I'm glad you didn't choose to allow him to stick a needle in your eye. Such an experience can be traumatic enough, much less if done by a doctor who has shown to be so careless.


Thank you for sharing your writing. I enjoyed stopping by your port. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
52
52
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Schnujo Loves WdC! . I'm here as part of the Super Power Reviewers October raid. It was suggested that we review this auction for the raid, so here I am. *Bigsmile*

Visual appearance
The auction is visually appealing. Since this is about raising money for the animals in addition to helping the Super Power Review Group, I think it is especially neat that you add little drop-down menus so that we can learn about these animals. So, you spread awareness, plus teach us something. *Bigsmile*

Everything is organized well. The text is centered, so we don't have to scroll from side to side to see the auction.

Creativity
Adding three ways to participate (raffle, auction, and silent auction) was an interesting approach. It was a unique idea, especially the silent auction part. I wouldn't be surprised if others repeated the idea and we see more silent auctions popping up around WDC as fundraisers.

Prizes
I have to say, this is probably one of the most generous fundraisers I've seen on WdC. Typically people have fundraisers to raise gift points without having to spend their own. Although, your goal seems to be to raise funds for the animals and Power Reviewers while spending a whole lot of your own money.

I've noticed you are quick to respond to those who post in the forum and get awards for donations sent out really quick. When it comes to fundraisers and contests, I think quick responses encourage member trust and faith in the person running the activity.

Speaking of prizes. My badge is in and I need to get it to you, but I noticed I will have to wait until the 20th before it can count toward your community. So, I will send it then. It is pretty, by the way!

Thanks for all you do and for the positivity you spread to those around you. *Heart*




53
53
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Lisario . I'm here as part of the Super Power Reviewers Halloween review raid. Since your story is Halloween themed, I thought I'd give it a read and share my thoughts.


The hook
The title piqued my interest. I was curious how the man in the title would save the earth, especially since this is written for Weird Tales.

The real hook is actually when we learn the main character is diagnosed with a mental illness, which must be pretty severe since the mother has power of attorney over him at his age of thirty.

Dialogue
The dialogue is executed very well. Where there is dialogue, you add plenty of body language, which helps us to see these characters speaking, rather than just being told they say something. For example, we see the sister kick the door shut, while her arms are full of groceries when she greets her mother.

Character development
The most important character in this story, William, is the most developed. Being shown the story in the third person limited point of view, we see the story from William's perception. He is an unreliable narrator in many ways because his delusions sort of lie to the reader.

His reasoning for doing what he does are not intended to be harmful. He actually thinks he is doing good, which shows that he is actually a good person. The fact that he doesn't care if others actually know he is a hero also shows some humility.

Plot
I loved all the little descriptions in this story! Since William is an unreliable narrator, we don't really know what these green men are or if they are even there at all. Being in the man's head, I could see he was doing what he felt was the correct thing to do. So, in a way, I felt pity for him when the story concludes.

I don't want to give the ending or twists away, so I'll just say the conclusion was surprising and a horrifically great ending. It was definitely fitting for the contest it was entered into.

Also, since the story comes full circle, with the beginning merging with the end, it was apparent it was well thought out.

Mechanics
He approached the edge of the grave cautiously- Typically "ly" words are evidence of telling rather than showing. Ways to show caution are him moving slowly and/or tip-toeing while showing internal signs of stress like holding his breath or rapid breathing.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your story! It had the right amount of weirdness and horror for this warped mind of mine.

Thanks for sharing your imagination with me. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
54
54
Review of The Magic Orb  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hi, K. Ward . I'm here as part of the Super Power Reviewers Halloween review raid. Since your story is Halloween themed, I thought I'd give it a read and share my thoughts.

The hook
You begin with her infatuation of the crystal ball. I was intrigued by what was so special about this crystal ball, so I wanted to read on in order to uncover its secrets.

Dialogue
There is very little dialogue. What's there is realistic to the situation and conversational. Yet, I do think you could have utilized dialogue a little more hint at something suspicious about the crystal ball through the shopkeeper's words.

Scenery
I feel you spend more time telling the writer the condition of the story than needed. I'm thinking maybe you might have been spending so much time on this for the purpose of making the shop looking creepy, so the reader would be suspicious about the crystal ball. Although, I personally feel you could do this by the storekeeper either seemingly happy to get rid of it or him heeding the warning or maybe there is a hint with her seeing something in the ball. No matter where you choose to eventually take this story, there are other things more relevant to the story that would be better used than the long descriptions of the store.

There is also a discrepancy about what time of day it is. She sees the sun reflecting in the crystal ball right before she sees a ballerina dancing on a stage. So, I got the image it was daytime. Then at the end, we are told it is nighttime.


Plot

I like the premise of this story and I like how the crystal ball comes full circle in this story. It was a unique concept for a plot, which I highly appreciate.

Although, I feel there are some unanswered questions. What was the relation between the ballerina/ fiddler and her or the killer? Why would the orb show her such things unless it had some sort of importance to the story? Were they the previous victims? Some clarity here would be helpful.

Mechanics
You seem to have forgotten spaces between paragraphs. If you don't space, I would at least indent paragraphs to show when one begins and another begins.

You begin a lot of sentences with "but" and "and". Technically, this is fine to do in writing. There are many writings, such as the United States Constitution, which also begin sentences with "but" and "and". Although, I do feel with creative writing, beginning a story in such a way needs to serve a creative purpose, enhancing the writing. In the case of this story, in many areas, it does not enhance the writing and instead looks like an extra unneeded word.

Final thoughts
I thought this was a creative story. It had some original concepts and I appreciate how the ending was a surprise.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts have been helpful. As always, if you get around to doing some editing, I am happy to revisit the writing and reevaluate my rating.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
55
55
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
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Hi, Zemira Hammond . I'm here as part of the Super Power Reviewers Halloween review raid. Since your story is Halloween themed, I thought I'd give it a read and share my thoughts.


First thoughts
The story begins with expressing that this is a Halloween party, which is the main character's favorite holiday. Although, the real hook is when we learn the blood and cobwebs are real. This piqued my interest because I was curious about why there was real blood there.

Dialogue
There really isn't much dialogue because the whole story is pretty much telling what goes on step by step. Where there is dialogue, I found some issues.

I yelled out "we have to call the cops"- When there are quotation marks, the words should begin with a capitalized word, hence it should be "We", not "we". Also, you end this with a comma, when the sentence would be completed after the dialogue. Also, since she yelled, wouldn't it make more sense if the end punctuation was an exclamation mark?

Character development
The only character developed is the main character. She is developed in the way that we know she loves the holiday so much that she goes all out to create a huge party. Other than that, there are no other characters developed. At least developing the girl who died is important. Without getting to know her, her death really doesn't have much of an emotional impact on the reader.

Plot
The premise of the story is a good one. It is one, which is horrific and makes a good Halloween story. Although, there is a step by step telling of the story, rather than showing. For example, we are told someone walks downstairs with a dead body, yet, nobody except for the host really seems to be roused by it.

There is some showing with her yelling for someone to call the cops, which shows her being upset, but one would think the guests would be in a panic or there would at least be some sort of emotional scene. Plus, they don't even check her vitals or anything and there is just an assumption she is dead.

There are also some holes in the plot. We are shown one dead person, then the conclusion seems to expressed through her memory is that several people died. This is confusing.


Mechanics

There are places where you use the lowercase "i", which should actually be a capital "I". Also, you seem to have lumped the whole story into one paragraph, when in fact it should be broken up into several paragraphs. Below is a link which might be helpful in understanding how to break up paragraphs into subjects.

http://theeditorsblog.net/2011/03/15/writing-basic...

Also, there are areas where you use run-on sentences, which should be broken up into two or more sentences. Below is one example, but the issue is constant throughout the story.

.All we saw as he came back down, her limp body in arms, some thought it was a prank, for they were known for them. - A new sentence actually begins with the word "some".

Final thoughts
I felt like I was reading a first draft, where you quickly wrote down your thoughts for a story, but have not polished it yet. You have some great ideas here. I just feel it needs a lot of editing for clarity and there were a lot of structural issues.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, these are the thoughts of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts have been helpful. As always, if you get around to do ing some editing, I would be happy to look at the story again and reevaluate my rating according to any repairs.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
56
56
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi, trailerpark bodhisattva . I'm here as part of the Super Power Reviewers Halloween review raid. Since your story is Halloween themed, I thought I'd give it a read and share my thoughts.

The Hook
The story begins by showing the dispute between Charlie and Andy. Charlie is quite rebellious against the complaints by Andy. This piqued my interest because it suggests some kind of eventual confrontation. I was curious about what would happen between the two men. So, it works well as a hook.

Dialoge
The actual dialogue is executed well. It is conversational in most areas. There was one area, where I feel it was not, which I tackle below.

I liked how you added the cultural elements with the older woman, with her incorporating her own language in her speech. Adding the terms of endearment was a nice touch.

There is also a lot of body language which helps show these characters speaking, rather than just being told they say something.

One thing I did notice is that you have more than one person speaking in some paragraphs. In these areas, I tripped a bit and had to reread the paragraph to know who was speaking.

Below is where I found some issues with dialogue. Your writing is in blue and my explanation is after it.

"I thought we talked about this, and now you create the noise of this party?- Doesn't feel like something someone would say. Maybe something like, "Instead, you've created even more of a disturbance with a party" would work better.

"I'll take it down first thing in the morning," doing his best not to raise his voice in front of the kids,- Who was avoiding upsetting the kids? The rest of the paragraph consists of the mean neighbor speaking, so maybe consider separating the paragraph into two paragraphs to avoid confusion.

Andy's face went pale, he trembled where he stood. Charlie was confused. "What did she say, do you speak Hungarian?"- Is it Charlie or Andy speaking here?

"I simply told him he would meet his end like a stick." "What does that mean?" Charlie asked. - Again, two people speaking in the same paragraph.

Character development
Charlie seems like a nice guy. Apparently, judging by how other neighbors treat him, other than the angry Andy, people see him as a good guy. Little details like the woman comforting him by touching his shoulders show this.

As nice as Andy is, he has a rebellious side. He does what he feels is right, despite what the Homeowners association disagrees with.

Andy is an angry man. He seems to just be looking for something to be mad about. We find out later he's going through a divorce, so I suspect he is lashing out on everyone else due to his own miserable life.

The old woman seems kind. I liked how you added the cultural elements with her. If you wanted to add anything to her, maybe some broken English would enhance her character, especially since she speaks English as a second language.

Scenery
You did a good job showing the house fully decorated. I imagined it to be quite a spectacle and fun house to approach on Halloween if I were a young trick or treater.

The scene where Andy was taken was done well, too. The only thing I thought was odd is that Andy did not make any noise or show signs of fright. One would think the man would scream or at least his eyes would be wide with shock.


plot
I thought the plot was really good. The twists with the old woman were executed well. I didn't expect how this was going to conclude, so it was surprising.

Mechanics
I found one area, where I feel needs your attention. Again, your words are in blue and my explanation is after your words.

Last year it took you two days to take(it or them)all down."

Final thoughts
I thought this was an enjoyable read. I've dealt with the annoyance of homeowner associations, so it was nice to see someone rise above them and win.


Thank you for sharing your writing. This was a great little read. Remember, the thoughts here are expressed by only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine what advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts have been helpful.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
57
57
Review of The List  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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The hook
You begin by exclaiming your wife had a panic attack. This is a catchy phrase, which hooks the reader, piquing their interest to learn what the panic was all about.

Character Development
This was more of a telling story from the author's point of view. We get more of a sense of the narrator's personality. He's got a sense of humor, finding laughter in his wife's forgetfulness.

Plot
I thought this was a cute little story about aging. I love how it comes full circle. It is a shocking ending, but at the same time, it is humorous in a dark way.

Mechanics

There are a few areas which I feel you could improve on with the story.

For one you seem to repeat the word "that" quite often. Below is one area, but I'd recommend skimming through and removing all the unneeded thats.

I’ve been joking with her that I’m keeping a list of all the forgetful or accidental things that she does.

Sure, my wife may be somewhat klutzy, but I guess I’ve actually made more mistakes and forgotten more things than she has, but I don’t tell her that. - Rather than two "but" in this sentence, maybe consider making the last phrase it's own sentence.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed this little flash fiction. I'm not quite at the age of retirement, but I have experienced bits of this forgetfulness which many speak about. Just recently I started forgetting my age. I kept telling people I would be turning 44, when in fact I would be turning 43. My boyfriend actually was the one to correct me on it. Then, I argued, finally, after doing the math, I had to admit he was correct. Uh, oh, hopefully, he's not making a list. *Shock2*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
58
58
Review of Anniversary verse  
Review by warpedsanity
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Dawsongirl . I found this short little poem while browsing the random read and reviews. So, I figured I would share my thoughts on it.

I imagine your husband was quite happy receiving this. The greatest gift, as writers, we can give to those we care about is our heart in writing.

I thought this was a sweat poem one might leave on a pillow and I enjoyed reading it. May you have many more years together with your husband. *Heart*
59
59
Review by warpedsanity
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
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This item number is not valid.
# by Not Available.
I found this little story while browsing the random read and reviews. So, I figured I would share my thoughts on it.

I always find it fascinating to reflect back on writing, seeing the changes in style as we grow. It appears you have done well in keeping yours. Since this is an older writing only to be shared for the purpose of showing your dark muse in your high school years, I figured I would rate it according to the age you were.

For a young writer, it was actually quite good. I imagine it was done as a way of using vocabulary words in an assignment.

Thanks for sharing this little part of your past. *Heart*
60
60
Review of Bride 2 Be  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi, PurplePrincess ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~

Dialogue
Sometimes what is not said is more telling. The dialogue in some places contradicts what he is thinking. This shows a sense of being guarded. Although his attraction is apparent through his thoughts, he doesn't show it in his words.

Her dialogue is short. It is almost as if she is being dismissive, only making small talk.

Character Development
In this chapter, we get another perception of Lisa. She has a fiery spirit. Going by the first chapter, I suspect she actually chose not to eat much because she didn't want to be tempted into his world through expensive things. Yet, he perceives her actions quite differently. Instead, he sees her as temperamental.

We also learn what Lisa looks like through his perception. She's a brown-eyed blonde. Even though he finds her body attractive when he eyes her cleavage, he makes the comment about her not being a supermodel. In a way, I see him sending mixed messages. Again, evidence of being guarded.

Cal is a bit jaded due to his past relationships, although he finds Lisa different and refreshing. He's got a good sense of humor, which is probably why he finds her tantrums entertaining. Or, maybe it is because she is a challenge. Cal might be one who likes a good challenge. Evaluating his other personality aspects, he does fit the traits for someone who would appreciate a good chase.

Plot
There was a lot of good tension built up in this chapter. We have two people, who obviously are attracted to each other, yet they are fighting it.

Once we read this chapter, we have new meaning to when he's in the shower at the beginning of the chapter. His mind is going back and forth between Lizbeth and fiery Lisa. We learn Lizbeth is boring to bed, so it is easy to conclude he expects Lisa to be quite the opposite.

The only thing I'm a bit confused about is why it is bad for him or his brother to choose a relationship with these sisters. In the first chapter, I thought it was a mixing business with pleasure kind of thing. Although, for some reason, if the sister marries his brother he is more likely to have a higher position in the company. This makes me wonder if the parents are going to give more power to the married brother.

Mechanics

I found one small area, which I feel needs your attention.

continued to gawk at him, almost as if she wanted to speak, but words escaped her.- I think you meant "no words escaped her."

Final Thoughts
I thought this was a good chapter. It was definitely great enough to want to read on.

Thanks for sharing your writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
61
61
Review of I Have Questions.  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, Fivesixer ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~


First thoughts
After the first reading, I found myself interpreting this as someone in a purgatory of sorts. They are stuck at number one, yet don't know in which direction to go from there or how to gain an achievement.

Imagery
In some ways the poem is an allegory about life. We are not all given the lottery, hence given an endless platform for success. Also, a lot of times those merits given by others have a price not worth paying. In other words, people, in general, don't tend to do things out of the kindness of their heart and want something in return, or at least that is what I understood.

At the end you ask a question, which to me makes it seem like the subject of the poem is more pondering on how they got where they are, rather than really finding solutions to move forward. My answer to the question is, if it is not where they want to be, maybe begin looking for a new direction.

Flow
The poem flows sort of staccato due to enjambment, making it sort of rap-like in parts. This sort of flow seems to be a trademark of yours because most of the poetry I've read by you has the same feel when read out loud.

There were a few lines which I felt was unneeded.

I have questions.

Ok, I'll go first...


It is just my personal opinion, but I think the poem reads better without these lines.

Final thoughts
I thought this was a good free verse. It is relatable because most of us have been at this point in our lives at some point.

Thanks for sharing your creativity with WdC. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
62
62
Review of 9/11- Remembered  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, PandaPaws;VETTECH Class of '20 ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~


First thoughts
After my first reading of this verse, I thought it was a lovely tribute to those who lost their lives in 911.

Imagery
The imagery is matter of fact, showing the details of what happened. We are told how young and old fell victim to the incident, leaving observers helpless and mourning. Although, it is emotive, which some way or another poetry should be. The emotive quality is sadness and horror at the event that incurred that day.

Flow
Actually, on the first reading, I didn't even realize there were repeated lines here. Those lines flow effortlessly in the poem, which is sometimes a challenge to execute without seeming forced. So, great job on the form here.

Also, the cascade form does not require rhyme, yet you added rhyme. Rhymes are consistent and none seemed forced. The poem flows effortlessly when reading out loud.

Final thoughts
I thought this was a wonderful poem, showing the horrors which occurred on 911. I think we all felt helpless watching the events on the television. Excellent job showing this.

Thank you for sharing your heart with WdC! I've enjoyed the read.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
63
63
Review of Scars  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Come on in and join the fun!


Hi, Maci ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~

The Hook
I think the hook for this flash non-fiction is when you wrote your childhood was smothered in fear. This sets the pace for what we are going to read about. I suspected this would be about abuse. Since you are an adult now and you explain you are not sure how you got where you are, I suspected you overcame somehow, which hints at inspiration. I was curious enough to read on.

What I liked

I appreciate how you show that you survived, yet recognize the scars are still there. Scars do have a tendency to make our skin a little tougher, so we can survive other aspects of life. In many ways, they make us more resilient in life. When one has experienced traumatic experiences as you explain, some of the challenges in life become mediocre in comparison.

Although we are of different faiths apparently, I like how you have recognized there is something else within you, a light which carried you through, protecting you. Sometimes for those of us who have survived traumatic abuse, we begin to identify ourselves as the abuse in a way, as if we are what we are due to our experiences, whether it be psychological struggles or strength gained. Sometimes it is hard to remember, there are other aspects of ourselves, which have nothing to do with the abuse. We have a light which the abuser was unable to distinguish. In a way, this seems to be what you are saying here.

Suggestions
I did find a few areas, which I feel need some editing. I'm sure this was a quick and difficult write. Emotional, non-fictional topics are usually hard to write, especially when it comes to traumatic experiences.

When dad was giving my half brother a beating, and I tried to pull him off of him begging and crying. - This is an incomplete sentence, so maybe consider rephrasing or adding it to the preceding sentence some way.

For, most of my childhood was smothered in fear.

You seem to have forgotten the space between paragraph two and three.

And made my father get up and leave not saying a word?- another sentence fragment. Maybe consider combining it to the sentence before it.

Final Thoughts
Those who speak up about abuse telling their stories, give strength to others to do the same. So, thank you for sharing your experience and doing your part in ending the silence. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
64
64
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


Hi, Gineva Navazio ! I'm just dropping by to share my thoughts on your assignment.


I think you did an excellent job showing these characters. They are realistic in many ways.

Even though Nathan is aware of his sexual preferences, he still feels a need to suppress his sexuality from others. He has not quite gotten confident enough to overlook the ignorance in society. Although, the object of his affections is quite open about his preferences and chooses to be true to himself despite what anyone else may think.

The only thing I felt was a little unrealistic is how quickly Braiden becomes affectionate in a way people would in a relationship. The reason I mention this is people are people, whether gay, straight, pansexual, bisexual etc. Since the assignment was that they are already familiar with each other, I suspect they are familiar with each other, but only communicated in the classrooms or maybe in the halls. Nathan's internal response to the coffee date suggests this would be their first date, hence why I think the putting an arm around him like a lover is a bit quick. I hope this makes sense.

I love all the descriptions of Braiden from Nathan's point of view. We get a sense of how sexy he is through smell and appearance. We even get a sexy Irish accent. The only thing we don't get is taste, but it is a little soon for that. *Wink*

I can see this story could tackle some important issues in addition to the blooming romance. I suspect we'll see Nathan build confidence in who he is and learn to love all parts of himself without shame. His new friend, I suspect is the one who will help him with this and he'll stand up to his father.

Excellent start. I'm excited to see where you take this story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Bride 2 Be  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi, PurplePrincess ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~.


The Hook
This chapter begins with a lot of drama. The main character is angry. The comparison to lava was a good one, which grabbed me. I wanted to read on to see what had happened to provoke such emotion.

Dialogue
The dialogue is executed very well. It is thrown into the actions of the story and there is plenty of body language added in addition. So, rather than being told these characters said something, we see them saying it.

For example, when she falls into his lap, we see the awkwardness and embarrassment in her speech. Then we see the amusement in his response.

Through internal dialogue, we get to understand the emotions of the main character, rather it is her annoyance with her sister or confusion with the inner responses of the man's touch.

Scenery
We get a clear sense of the scenery. It is added in to show the story. We are shown the simplicity of the boutique, then we are shown the NewYork extravagance, which are polar opposites. I get the sense the town her boutique is in she can see the stars with fewer street lights, which is quite different from the busy lit up city of New York. Also, her boutique is described as a bit plain, while the hotel is luxurious with extra amenities.

Character Development
The chapter is rich in character development. She views the man as guarded. He's typically short in speech, just saying as much as he needs to. Yet, he loosens up some, showing a different side of himself. It almost seems as if she is afraid of getting to know him on a deeper level, hence why she is annoyed with him showing this other side. Although I suspect, this guarded nature is due to the way she is perceived by him.

I like that you chose to make the female character strong. She's hardworking, independent, and doesn't need someone else to be complete. She's had to be the responsible one since her parents died, hence making her a surrogate parent to her little sister. I get a sense that the man in this chapter is the same and his little brother is the irresponsible one as well.

Plot
The plot looks good so far. We have the drama of the sister running off to get married. It is suspected that the sister is naive and prey to manipulations. Although, this is from the perceptions of the older siblings. They might very well be a couple in love.

In some ways there are hints this might be somewhat of a Cinderella type story, where a love affair blooms with someone below them man's status. Although, with the woman in the story being strong, rather one who needs another to be completed, it makes for a more mature and realistic romance.

Mechanics
There were a few areas where there isn't a space between paragraphs, but that is an easy fix. Other than that, this appears to be well edited.

Final Thoughts
I think this is a great start to a novel. I can see the beginnings of a romance, even if the characters are fighting it. There is also still some mystery revolving around the younger siblings, which heightens interest in reading on.

Thank you for sharing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Robby  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi, Maci ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you by me a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~. I purchased this package for you a while back when I was your secret pal. The owners have gotten behind due to their college load, so I am helping them do some catching up.

First thoughts
On my first reading of this, I thought it was a fun children's poem. I thought the concept of a reading robot was creative. For some reason, I remember having something similar to that or maybe it was a show I watched as a kid.

Imagery
The imagery is fun and lively. There is a happy feel to the poem. It is written for children, encouraging them to read and use their imaginations.

Flow
Do to consistant rhyme and meter, the poem flowed well when read out loud. All stanzas flow cohesively without any confusing gaps.

Mechanics
The poem is written with past tense verbs. Although in the following line, you use present tense. So, you might want to edit the verbs to match the rest of the poem.

Robby's face lit up and his smile seems(seemed) to brighten

Final thoughts/c}

I think this would make for a fun children's series, with this being the first book. Each stanza could work for a page, but Of course, you would have to find plenty of fun graphics to add to each stanza.

Thank you for sharing your imagination with me. I enjoyed reading your poem. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, PandaPaws;VETTECH Class of '20 ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~. You have a few overdue goodies coming your way as well.

I chose this poem because it was in a folder which was highlighted in your port. I figured these were the items you were most proud of and/or you would prefer feedback on.

First thoughts
I thought this was a lovely dedication to some fallen heroes. The form worked well for showing your gratitude as well.

Imagery
Your words are more matter of fact, sharing how these men were self-sacrificing. These details make for an emotive poem. Rather than aborting the mission, the chose to continue fighting the fires in order to save the community. As a result, the parished in the fire You do use one analogy with them receiving an "angels' escort".

Flow
Due to the consistent rhyme, the poem flows well. No rhymes seem forced, so there were no areas for me to trip over. I appreciate how you repeat the lines at the end of the last two stanzas. It almost has a patriotic feel. Then the consistent meter made the poem seem melodic.

Final thoughts
Overall, this was an excellent little poem. Although it was sad, it was also inspirational because it shows how there are still heroes who will risk their lives for another.

Thank you for sharing your heart with WdC!*Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Enablist  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Fivesixer ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you by Kittera a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~.

I clicked on this poem due to the title. We all have been either been the enabler or enabled at some point. So, I figured I would relate to the verse in some way.

First thoughts
To me, after the first reading, I thought the voice in the poem was of someone who really isn't looking for the long term. They are addicted to the adrenaline of the beginnings and really don't want to go much further. The phrase the "cusp is the drug" brought me to this conclusion. This is not so uncommon in relationships. Some of us grow out of the thinking, others not so much.

Imagery
The poem seems to be written in hindsight of a past relationship. They see the other person as overly emotional, which is evident in describing them as slitting their wrists each night.

I'm thinking you were meaning the speaker of the poem was too shy to be waiting on a juggernaut. They are only interested in filling a mug, no more.

Judging by the title and the content, I'd think both subjects were enablers. The speaker enabled the other person's pessimistic behavior, while the other person enabled the speaker in their ways of dealing with relationships, holding back deeper aspects of self.

Flow
I thought it flowed well. Enjambment was executed well, enhancing the emotional content. There were no areas for me to trip over.

Final thoughts
You used some creative analogy in this free verse, which is refreshing. I enjoyed the read, thanks for sharing it. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Cheese Puffs  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi, StephB Keeping Warm ! I'm here to review this item as part of the package purchased for you a while back in the "~Astrology Fundraiser~

I chose this item because it is in your romance folder. Lately, I've been trying to learn how to better write romance. Reviewing stories in the genre is a way of helping me to know what works and doesn't.

The Hook
The beginning introduces Angie. Knowing it is Valentine's day and she is yet again alone, I was curious if she'd meet someone since it is listed in the romance genre. The real hook though is when we learn about the package she receives, which belongs to a nearby neighbor. I was curious who this mystery person is and if this would be the person who would make Valentines much better for her.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well. It is conversational, rather than overly formal. You also avoid the redundancy of said and instead add body language and/or incorporate it into the actions of the story. This helps the reader see the characters speaking, rather than just being told they said something.

Scenery
There really isn't any scenery, but I don't think it is really needed all that much. We know it is an apartment complex. Although, a little more thrown into the actions of the story would enhance it more.

Character Development
The characters you show here are interesting. Angie is unlucky in the romance department and in many ways is just annoyed with trying, especially since men have resulted in nothing more than heartbreak. Yet, she tends to let this new man in quite easily, being taken in by his flowery words. I got the feeling she would be more guarded. That would be expected of someone who has been hurt a lot. Maybe it is lust or Valentines, which makes her drop her guard so easy?

Drew seems like the whole package. He's a rare gem where the cover matches the inside. He's attractive, but a good guy.


Plot
I loved the cheese puff idea! That was cute. There is a sweetness to it, almost like that of love in youth. Knowing that someone played cupid was a nice twist to this.

Mechanics
Those first few paragraphs I feel need to be broken up into smaller paragraphs. Below is what it would look like broken up.

Angie squinted at her calendar next to the refrigerator and frowned. Valentine's Day. Just what she needed – to be reminded of her eternally single status.

The doorbell rang. She opened the door and peered into the hallway. Empty. Either it was the bratty kid in 2G pressing buttons, or UPS got the wrong apartment – again.

A brown box addressed to "A. Raines," Apartment 3D, rested on the floor at her feet. She let out a long breath and glanced at her watch, frustration winding through her limbs. She could only spare a couple of minutes to deliver his package before she had to leave for work.

Final Thoughts
I enjoyed the story! It was a sweet romance tale. Thank you for sharing it. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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for entry "The Great Oz
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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This is the third review in your package, but I am definitely returning to read the rest of this novel. It is truly an excellent read and I feel a need to know what is going to happen.

Dialogue
Dialogue is to the point, much like military personnel would communicate. Then the stoic expressions between dialogue emphasize this.

Character Development
I thought Sam was a scary man, but The Great Oz, or rather Kohl, is more so. All the little physical details make this evident. like his aura seeing to arrive before his body and Sam standing to attention due to respect instead of out of duty. Physical descriptions, like his muscular structure and his eyes also make him out to be very intimidating.

We get to know Sam a lot more in this chapter, too. I suspected he felt guilty for something, but he seemed to enjoy killing way too much to be that. Knowing his one regret with these children clarifies this for me. It is almost as if losing his leg was punishment for the sin. When I read what he had inadvertently done, I felt sad for these children. That is an awfully hard memory to have as baggage.

We also learn that Sam is more than just a military man. He plays an important aspect of scientific advancement. So, rather than just brute strength, his is also strong in intelligence.

Sam's life has been dormant without purpose. Having an assignment gives him purpose, hence making him feel alive.

Like, Merci, Sam also has an odd friend. Jesse is somewhat of a conspiracy theorist, which Sam first sees as a crackpot, but the man grew on him.

Scenery
I appreciate how you allow the scenery to add to the appearance of Kohl. This dark, yet shadowy room, makes the two men look even more sinister.

Also, we now know that Sam has been waiting at a secret base, which explains the phones more so. He's got a small living quarter, where necessities are provided. There is even advanced technology, like the television showing the satellite images.

Plot
I knew that gadget Simene created would have some relevance! Well, you don't say it, but the fact that the phone Sam is given is made private by satellite hints that the gadget holds importance.

We are introduced to the fact that these military men feel they have an important role in keeping a timeline strait....or rather that is the impression I get right now. There is evidence that someone is trying to change things. Although, since this chapter is from the perception of these two men, it is easy to equate that they don't want things to sway away from where they want them to be, which may or may not be good.

I love Maci's character and after this chapter, I am afraid for her. I suspect she has a purpose, which is why others are reaching out to her in her visions. Although, her concept of greater good I'm suspecting is much different than the concept these military men have.

Mechanics
I found one little error in this chapter.

and starred(stared) out into the night.

Final thoughts
This story has so many layers and I feel I am peeling them away, piece by piece, diving deeper into this world you have created. I can't wait to peel away more layers. Thank you for sharing this with me!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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for entry "Simene
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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This is your second review in your package on in the Icecream Social. To be honest, I didn't want to stop reading this. It is that good. I just figured I better pause and send a review before I get too far. This review will cover the first three chapters.

The detail and imagery are so well executed in this book. I'm sure these are some of the most edited chapters in the book since they are earlier chapters, but I am in awe. I feel humbled by reviewing this because you are so beyond me in skill. You are the type of writer I hope to be one day.

Dialogue
The dialogue is conversational, with each character showing their unique traits in their chosen words. When these characters are conversing, I feel like I am right there watching them speak.

The friendship between Merci and Semine was weaved into the dialogue so well. I could feel their connection in friendship flowing naturally through their words and the body language accompanying the dialogue.

Character Development
These characters are dimensional, which makes them feel real. I've decided to discuss each separately.

Merci- I'm so attached to this character! At first, I when I realized she is a trust fund baby, I thought of the trust-fund babies I know. They seem to have it easy because they don't have to work hard due to their parents paying for everything. Yet, they complain about their life. Although, this is coming from the perception of someone who has had to work hard for everything I have.

Merci is much different than any trust-fund babies I know. She's well traveled and has seen the harsher side of humanity. This has made her less trusting of people. With this, I felt a kinship with her.

Also, experiences with what she has decided is a demon has made her learn how to face her fears head-on. She realizes that fear will always be there, but she doesn't allow it to control her. This shows a lot of strength.

Her physical appearance is an interesting one. Making her void of skin pigment is an interesting concept. I love the way you show her love for her milky skin in the shower. Beautiful imagery there. Then when she shows Simone her naked body, another side of her is shown. As much as she is an introvert, she is not actually all that shy.

Sam- This is one scary guy. Even though he is older with a prosthetic leg, I'd still be afraid of him. He has no guilt with killing and actually enjoys it. He's the kind of guy you slit your throat, then looks you in the eye and smile.

He has let himself go by drinking quite a bit, which says there may be some underlining guilt, but he doesn't express it so much. It is almost like his memories are reminiscing is past.

He's let himself go in the aspect of that military cleanliness. When I left him last, he was not so happy about his superior officer arriving at his mess. I would imagine he is going to hurry up and tidy the place up before we meet The Great Oz.

Simene- He's a unique sort. In a way, he reminded me of my son, who is also a huge tech nerd. His awkward dress and hairstyle seem to be less about trying to be unique and more to do with not having a concept of style. This makes him highly awkward, even though he is smart.

I could totally see why Merci felt comfortable with him right away. Those of us who are awkward tend to be drawn to other awkward individuals. Awkward people don't quite know or in a lot of cases even try to conform to what society deems normal. This realness makes them seem more trustworthy.

The demon- I'm thinking this is the only interpretation she could come up with and it isn't a demon at all. Maybe it is a witchdoctor of sorts? That would tie in with the indigenous people in the prologue. I'm not sure, but I look forward to finding out.

The cat- Yes, I know it is just an animal, but Merci's cat plays an important part in two of the chapters. He's a lot like his owner in the way that he is not very trusting. In a way, he is a lot like a familiar, letting Merci know when there is a threat of danger. Likewise, he also confirms when she should trust someone. His immediate positive response to Simene is evidence of this.

Scenery
You weave these details into the showing of characters and plot so well. Little details like showing the Lord of the Rings etchings on the bookshelf, show more of Merci's personality. Details of her home, which are extravagant, matches the understanding that she has received a large inheritance.

When we meet Sam, we are shown disorder, which matches his indulgence in alcohol, but you focus a lot on those phones, which says they are significant. The fact that those phones are not modern, says they have been sitting there for a while most likely dormant. This matches other evidence in the chapter when we learn they use to ring constantly, yet have been silent for some time.

Plot
Chapter one introduces the reader to Maci. I was hoping to experience the same excellent imagery and detail that was in the prologue and I was not disappointed.

I have seen people have seizures, in some of the cases it was due to epilepsy and unfortunately in other cases an overdose. Due to this, I can say you were spot on with your descriptions when Merci experiences this. You either are familiar with this too or did an awful lot of research. Then you use what some people claim they experience during a seizure, which is sort of an outer body experience. In Merci's case, it is more like traveling. When she travels, I felt like I needed to remember every detail she sees because it will be important at some point in the novel.

Chapter two introduces us to Sam. I don't know if he will be an enemy or foe to the other characters. Like I mentioned, he is a scary man. Although, all the details like the phones, show that he is involved with something important and that the government might have some involvement in what is going on with the man in the prologue and with Merci.

Chapter three brings all the chapters together thus far without giving everything away. I'm wondering if Sam and The Great Oz are two of the military men she wrote about in her journal entry shown to Simene. Then there is that message, which ties in the character in the prologue.

I suspect that every detail in these three chapters is important, even that contraption Semine build will have its importance in the story. This makes me want to make sure and grasp every detail.

Mechanics
I only found one issue, which can be found in the chapter titled Simene.

guild line for creating an olive skinned girl- Did yo mean guideline?

The chapters flow so effortlessly, that I could not find any areas where things should be tightened up, expanded on etc. So far chapters are well edited and excellently written.

Final thoughts
The only disappointment I have is that I can't hold this in my hand and curl up on a couch to read it as I would normally do with a great novel. Instead, I have to experience it on the computer screen.

It took a lot of willpower putting this story down, which means it is a really awesome read. It is an honor being able to read this before publication. I have no doubt it will be published one day.

I'm off to meet The Great Oz now. I'll send you another review later today or tomorrow. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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for entry "Prologue
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Escape Artist . I'm here for your first review in your package won in the Icecream Social.

The hook
Wow, what a start! This prologue begins with so much imagery that I felt I was right there with this man, experiencing the dread of the storm.

Dialogue
There is only an internal dialogue, but it is executed so well and realistic to the man's experience.

Character Development
Mikhail is an interesting character. I could feel every emotion through your analogies and the internal sensations described, so much that I felt I was him.

I love this description:

The torrent of rain had stopped but a cold drizzle pushed by an equally frigid breeze accentuated his misery.- Reading this line, I could feel that chill in the air. Rather than just saying it is cold and wet, we are shown that frigid cold in a much more creative way.

The descriptions of the indigenous people are described well. Rather than calling Indians or indigenous people, you describe their way of dress and features. This puts the reader there, seeing them. I also got a sense that these two people saw him, too.

Scenery
You have expertly added the scenery into the actions of the story. I could see the emergency of the situation as waves crashed, breaking the ship in two. Then when he crawls up on that shore I could see the drizzle of rain and him grasping for that green grass.

I like the imagery you use when describing the other realm (that is what I am thinking it is). Using the contrast between the cold of where he is and the warmth beyond the border heightens the understanding that these are two different places. It is like he is on the border of another reality.

Plot
That last line of internal thought hooks me to read on. It is shocking but leads the reader to want to find out the answer to his question. Plus, the imagery displayed in this introduction gives me hope that the writing in further chapters will match it.

There are so many reasons to read on. For one, I am curious about these indigenous people and if this is where he is going to end up. The woman seemed to acknowledge him, so I can't help but wonder if she is going to hold some sort of importance in the story. Then again, he seemed to be rejected from that other world because his hand bounced back when he tried to reach for the grass. Yet, someone has taken hold of him, dragging him. I am curious about what is happening and what is going to happen.

Mechanics
I found one little error.

unimpressed with Mikhail’s presents(presence)

Final thoughts
This was a great start! I'm hooked and looking forward to the next chapter.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)

waterfall power review signature by Flight to Fantasy Signature Shop


Hi,sindbad ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest

The hook
We are told that we are going to learn about a multi-bagger investment, which gave returns for thirty years. I was curious as to what this investment was, so it worked well as a hook.

Dialogue
There isn't really much dialogue. Most of the story is you telling the reader what you saw. There is one area where you use quotation marks, signifying there is dialogue, but it is confusing. In paragraph six quotation marks are out of place, making it difficult what is actually speaking and what is your telling of the story.

Character Development
You tell us perceptions of your parents. Your mother, I presume is outspoken, when it comes to investments and wants a nest egg for the future. Your father really doesn't like making investments because they are too risky. This makes me think he is a cautious type of man who doesn't like taking chances.

You write that "He did not meet the tenant" then write "gave back uncle (the tenant) the principal and 50%". These statements contradict each other. How could he not know the tenant if the tenant was an uncle? Later in the story, we learn this man became a close friend to the family, so I'm thinking maybe uncle became a term of endearment for him, yet this is never made clear to the reader.

Plot
I think this is a good story to show how helping others eventually comes back with bigger rewards. Your dad appears to be a kind and smart man.

The concept here was really good. I loved the ideas presented in the story. I just feel that it is mostly telling, which makes it difficult to connect to any characters. There are also some holes in the plot. For example, knowing your father's reasoning for giving this man the money would really help in adding an emotional tug on the reader's heart, especially when we learn what the man gives back to your family.

Mechanics

I found some errors which I felt need attention.

multi bagger'- multi-bagger

well wisher- well-wisher

sometimes when my mother looks back she says the the best investment

with this, the amount was forgotten about, till(untill)

Every Christmas uncle(Uncle) would send us (a) Christmas cake. - Uncle is given as a name, which makes it a propper noun. The same with Dad or Daddy. If you write my uncle or my daddy it is not capitalized, but if you present it as if it is their name, then it is now proper.

Uncle stared visiting our house regularly - started

Some times- Sometimes


Final thoughts
Thank you for sharing your life experience. This seems like something that was a good life lesson for you. Also, it looks like you were lucky to have a wonderful father.

Thank you for submitting to the official contest. It was a pleasure reading your writing. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Fear of Heights  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

waterfall power review signature by Flight to Fantasy Signature Shop


Hi,Chris Breva- Marshall Graduate ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest

The hook
Within the first few sentences, we learn that you are afraid of heights. There has been a heavy wind, which will require someone to repair the roof. Knowing that a fear of heights was involved and being introduced to the dilemma which required fighting that fear, I wondered how you would accomplish it. So, those first few sentences did pique my interest.

Dialogue
There is a little bit of dialogue. What is there is realistic. Although, we don't get much body language with the dialogue to show the emotional state of the characters speaking. Instead, you tell us they "said". Adding body language would help the reader see the characters speaking.

Character Development
There really isn't much character development at all. We get a sense of your emotions because you express that you were afraid. The other character there really isn't so much description. We just know they aren't afraid of heights and they help in finding a compromise so that you too can take part in the repairs.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery either. We just know they are on a roof, which needs repair.

Plot
The plot is interesting. It is relatable to many because a fear of hights is pretty common. It also follows the prompt in an interesting way. Rather than fighting your fear, you found a compromise.

Although, I feel with the word count allowance for this contest you could have shown this story more, rather than telling us swiftly. Pretty much the whole story is telling, rather than showing.

For example, you could have shown us your fear through internal struggles and action, rather than just tell us you were paralyzed by fear. Maybe you stopped breathing? Chest heaving? There are a lot of internal sensations that could occur while someone becomes frozen, unable to move.

Mechanics
mechanically, there were no issues. As far as grammar and spelling are concerned, this is a well-edited story.

Final thoughts
The story itself is a good use of the prompt. I just felt you could have utilized the word allowance to the contest more so to your advantage, showing this story, rather than telling us.

Thank you for your submission to the contest. It was a pleasure reading you today.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Decision  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

waterfall power review signature by Flight to Fantasy Signature Shop


Hi,Soldier_Mike ! I'm here to review this as one of the judges for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest

The hook
Great hook! We are shown that the main character is nervous because he is perspiring and thrown into a situation he never envisioned himself in. I was intrigued to know what the situation was.

Dialogue
The dialogue showing the dynamics between father and son was executed well. I could feel the conflict in their discussion. Then the short dialogue at the end is very professional sounding, which makes sense he is being spoken to by members of the company.

Character Development
The main character and the father are built up well in the telling of the story. The son is used to getting the best of things without having to try too hard due to his father's hard work. He does not fight his fears and instead avoids having to face them all together. Then, he is forced to man-up for the greater good.

At first, I got a sense that the young man was selfish and spoiled. He has all the luxurious without having to work for them. Then, in the end, we see he has a compassionate side because he thinks of the employees and their families.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery. It isn't really needed so much to show the story you've shared, but it might help some if we know what type of company it is besides just the name. It would add to the imagery in the story.

Plot
You entwined the prompt well into the plot. You used both a fear and force the character to do something against their nature for the greater good of others. Good job on that!

I do feel there was a bit more showing than telling here. We are told mostly background story, from the perception of the son. So, it makes most of the story a flashback of sorts.

Mechanics
I didn't really see any issues that stand out or caused me to trip over while reading.

Final thoughts
Overall, you used the prompt well and it was an interesting read. Thank you for submitting to the contest and sharing your imagination with us.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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