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1,142 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return. Rising star award
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A shared image for raids


While browsing the random read and review, I ran across this lovely poem. Since the raid focus today is poetry, I figured I would share my thoughts on your verse. Besides, you have reviewed me a ton of times, so it is about time I send you some more reviews.

First thoughts
My first thoughts when reading this in its entirety was that it was a lovely little peaceful poem. When we sit, watching and listening to nature, it does give us some interesting stories, if we allow our imaginations to wonder there.

Imagery
I love how you personify the tree, making her female. Makes sense, since like woman she blooms life. Little details about the tree, like her high forehead and outreached arms really show this tree and how beautiful she is. Then at the end, you share the harmony of nature working together with your explanation of the ants.

Emotive qualities
For me, this poem created a peaceful feeling. It is a reminder to appreciate the beauty in the world. In the chaos of our existence, one should sit and watch, allow our imaginations to grasp the beauty in the world around us.

Flow
With the use of enjambment, the poem flows well.

Mechanics
In reference to grammar, spelling and structure, I really didn't see any issues.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed reading your verse. It was a lovely poem that put a smile on my face.

Thanks for sharing your writing with WdC. *Heart*



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152
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I was browsing the random read and reviews when I came across this lovely little verse. Since the focus in the raid today is poetry, I figured I'd share my thoughts on your words.

First thoughts
As a mother, it brought me back to those delightful moments with my own children. As a dog lover, it brought it reminded me of my own faithful and loving little dogs.

Imagery
The poem is told from the dog's point of view. At first, with the first stanza this was not obvious, but when we get to the second stanza it is. Well, it could be from another animal's point of view, but since I have dogs, that is where my mind went.

Some of the lines made me giggle, especially when he/she explains that the tray needed to be cleaned anyways.

Emotive qualities
This was one of those feelgood poems that emulates loving emotions in the reader. Emotions like joy and laughter that are part of love are expressed as well. So, like all poetry should, it creates strong emotions in the reader.

Flow
Due to consistent rhyme the poem flows well. There are no areas for me to trip over.

Mechanics
Where grammar, spelling, and structure are concerned, your poem is well crafted.

Final thoughts
Your verse put a smile on my face. I enjoyed the read.

Thanks for sharing your poetry with WdC. *Heart*


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153
153
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across yet another one of your poems. Since the raid focus today is poetry, I figured I would share my thoughts on this lovely verse.

First thoughts
On first reading, I felt that you did excellent personifying time. Like you suggest, the death (time lost) is sort of a crucifixion.

Imagery
The use of crucifixion, seems to have a dual meaning. It is time lost, but many of us also tend to view the past in a series of errors, crucifying ourselves. Your words suggest the latter concept more by expressing that time craves pain in the second stanza, that it is time's gain in the third stanza, that time abuses in the fourth stanza, and so on.

The Christian symbolism works well. Time is sacrificed, but yet is the nail, returning agony.

Emotive qualities
In my opinion, all poetry should provoke an emotional response in the reader. For me, your concept of time displays the darker aspects of memory, which is time sacrificed and lost. When looking back there is only death in a series of lost moments and mistakes made.

Flow
Due to consistent rhyme the poem flows well. When read out-loud there are no areas for me to trip over.

Mechanics
In reference to grammar, spelling, and structure, the poem is well crafted. From my perception there are no errors.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your poem and all its meanings entwined in metaphor. It was a great read.

Thanks for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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154
154
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across this little poem. Since the theme of the raid today is poetry, I figured I would give your poem a read through and share my thoughts on it.

First thoughts
My first impression is that the subject of the poem is very human. I mean, even us women look sometimes. Even women, loyal, like myself will look at the occasional attractive man. Being strait, from an artists perspective, I even look at women, appreciating their beauty.

Imagery

As readers we tend to interpret poetry by our own observances or personal experiences. Being Pagan, I've been to man festivals in wooded areas. At these festivals it is common to see a lot of women of various sizes walking and dancing beneath trees and around fires. So, I couldn't help being brought there with your poem.

Though, you begin with mentioning "dreams come and go", so I am thinking that maybe the poem is expressing your fantasies of these women. Towards the end, I suspect that your wife is rousing you from a daydream.

There seems to be a little guilt associated with your observances of the pretty women. This is evident by you including "they are not my wife" in several stanzas. Yet, you show that you are loyal, because you answer her calls.


Emotive qualities
Your words emulate appreciation for the female form, but also displays evidence of respecting monogamy in marriage.

Flow
The poem flows well, even with the varying rhyme scheme. When read out-loud there are no areas that I trip over.

Mechanics
Grammar, spelling, and structurally, it is a well crafted verse.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your little poem. It was a light read, showing a very human quality of lust and appreciation for the opposite sex.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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155
155
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A shared image for raids


Hi there! While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across your little poem. Since the raid today is all about poetry, I figured I would share my thoughts on your verse.

First thoughts
On first reading, I thought about all those times as a parent I said, "I'm glad the holidays are over." We get so busy with trying to shop for gifts, going broke in the process, that we forget to enjoy the magic of the season.

Imagery
The words are pretty much blunt, with a few exceptions. You use a metaphor of the tree brightening to show how, like the tree, you would like the holidays to continue. I liked the symbolism there.

When you mention taking the nutcracker's crying, I could almost see you taking those decorations down and seeing the sadness in your eyes from the holidays ending.

I thought that using "playing dress-up" as a metaphor for the decorated tree was excellent. It personifies it in a way, bringing life to the season and those things associated with it.

Emotive qualities
Poetry should create emotion in the reader, and yours does just that. You bring to attention how others are happy holidays are over, which brings to attention how people forget to appreciate these times. There is an important message here that tells the reader to stop and enjoy those times.

Flow
Through enjambment the poem flows well. The consistent abcb rhyme scheme helps the poem flow as well. Also, the poem flowed from stanza to stanza without any confusing bits to trip over.

Mechanics
You chose to not use any punctuation, except for the one exclamation mark. Yet, you end the last stanza with a period. I would suggest deleting that period or adding punctuation throughout the poem. There are also areas where commas are needed.

Final thoughts
I really enjoyed your poem. It was a wonderful holiday poem, sharing the importance of cherishing the holidays, rather than spending our time hoping they hurry up and end.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the opinions expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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156
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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While browsing through the random read and reviews, I ran across your story. So, I thought I would give it a read and share my thoughts on it.


The hook

Right from the beginning, we race into the story with a nightmare. This was a great hook. I was curious of what the symbolic nature of the nightmare was.

Dialogue
Most of the story is in her head, until the end. Once we get to the second half of the story, the dialogue is done very well. I really get a sense of the character's distinct personalities in the speech.

Character Development
That postman and Devil are really creepy! Great job with their characters.

The main character shows some characteristics of paranoia. Especially with the reaction from Jake, it is easy to assume that she has a history of being a little paranoid.


Scenery
Scenery was pretty basic, but just enough to show the story, without being too wordy.

Plot
The plot was interesting. I love how you brought in that song as part of the plot. It was quite creative. The doll definitely was horrific.

You did really well bringing in the psychological aspect with horror, with the build up in the story.

The only suggestion I have is to be careful of the world felt or feel. You use these words quite a bit, which is evidence of telling.

Mechanics
From my perception, there are no issues with grammar or spelling. Also, the story flows well from paragraph to paragraph, without any confusing bits.

Final thoughts
This was a great little horrific story. Most of the time psychological is much more effective than gore. In this area you did really well.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts have been helpful.


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157
Review of Dumb and Dumber  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I ran across yet another of your writings on the random read and review.

This was a funny little story! You are a hoot. *Bigsmile*

The hook

You take the reader right into the conflicts of the story, rather than beginning with boring details. Knowing your gift for comedy I was curious what would be amiss with this vacation bit.

Dialogue
Except for the redundancy of said, the dialogue is done quite well. The words they speak are realistic and show the distinct characteristics in each character.

Character Development
The dynamics between husband and wife are pretty much shown right away. He says the funds are not there, but she is determined to get her way, hence why she says she'll "find a way."

I think it would be helpful to know the son's age. With his ability to rise in particular areas, apparently he is at least a teen. Though, some of his speech with bringing to attention the size differences, suggests that he is a naive little kid.

Scenery
Scenery is basic, but enough to show the story. We know it is a nudist resort, so our imaginations can easily fill in the blanks.

Plot
The plot gave me a good laugh! The pun gave me a giggle.

The only thing I would say here is that most nudist resorts have a no staring rule, meaning you are not supposed to look at peoples genitals. This is especially so with Christian based nudists resorts. Those who stare, making people uncomfortable usually are asked to leave. The only nudist scenarios where staring is somewhat alright are sexually based atmospheres, like BDSM clubs.

Mechanics
This was well written. Being that is from 2009, you have had plenty of time to edit, so it is void of spelling and grammar issues.

Final thoughts
This was a fun story to wake up to with my first cup of coffee. My day began with a laugh and a smile. Thanks for sharing your humor.




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Review of Why  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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I came across this while browsing through the random read and reviews. So, I thought I would give this a read and share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts

The description of the poem kind of threw me off, as it doesn't make any sense. So, I would suggest rewording it.

With my first reading of the poem, it felt as if it was from the perception of someone young, who maybe has chosen to not marry or have children, due to the chaos of it all.

Imagery
The imagery is mostly blunt, with the writer asking society questions about marriage. The first stanza suggests cheating, the second is the work that is involved, and the third is the annoyance of the children.

Emotive qualities
The poem almost feels sarcastic. It is as if the subject of the poem is saying, "Why bother getting married if you are going to be miserable?"

Flow
The poem flows well due to the consistent rhyme. Though, the syllable count per line varies quite a bit, which interferes with the flow of the poem.

Mechanics
Each fourth line ends with a period, which makes each stanza one long run-on sentence. Commas and other punctuation is needed. Also, if you are asking a question then there should be a question mark.

That is sneaky as rats.- That are, not that is

Final thoughts
This was a cute little poem, but it needs a lot of editing. Hopefully you will get around to doing so. If you do, hopefully you will let me know, so that I can adjust my rating according to repairs.


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159
Review of Mary's Tale  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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I ran across your writing again on the random read and review. *Bigsmile*

This was a humorous read!


First thoughts

My first thoughts were, it seriously had to be the bread or jam. Lamb is yummy stuff. Though, I can't imagine eating it with jam.

I did get a good laugh after reading it. Interesting take on the traditional Mary had a little lamb. *Bigsmile*

Imagery
Imagery is pretty matter of fact, telling an entertaining story from the point of view of Mary. I imagined everyone arguing about her condition and her responded with a passing fart. Very cute and funny!

Emotive qualities
Poetry should create emotion and this one does in a comical way. I had a chuckle about poor Mary having to run to the bathroom and the embarrassing passing of gas.


Flow
The consistent rhyme helps this poem flow. No rhymes seemed forced and there were no areas that I tripped over.

Mechanics
The poem is written well structurally and grammatically. From my knowledge, there are no errors in the writing.

Final thoughts
This was a fun little read! You do well with humorous writing. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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160
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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I ran across this poem on the random read and review. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts

Since I grew up around bikers (mostly Bandidos) I understand the whole culture around some of them. Due to some of my somewhat feminist views, there were some aspects of the culture displayed that I don't agree with, like the woman being a badge. Though, that is part of the whole biker mentality. So, I get it.

Imagery
The imagery is blunt, telling a story. It works well for the ideas that you are expressing in the poem. In your words there are hints of the morals of those involved with it all. We have the men who view having a sexy woman on their bike as a badge, no more important than the patch he'd put on his jacket. Then there is the woman who makes her decisions on the biker based on the type of bike he owns and the size of his checkbook. It is kind of stereotypical, but true in some circumstances.

Emotive qualities
Depending on who is reading it, the emotional response would be different. I would imagine, one who thinks like the subject of the poem might giggle about it a little. Someone like me is libel to shake her head at the whole mentality of the individuals in the poem. Either way, the poem does what poetry should, encourage an emotional response from the reader.

Flow
Rhyme is constant, which helps the poem flow. There are no areas where rhyme seems forced.

Mechanics
In poetry, my belief is that if grammar is used, it should follow grammar rules, unless it is used for the purpose of enhancing the emotion in some way. In your poem you put a period at the end of every line. In may places other forms of punctuation like commas or semicolons would work better. Otherwise, it is a bunch of sentence fragments.

Final thoughts
Besides the punctuation issue, the poem is really well written.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer to determine which advice to apply to your writing. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. If you get around to doing some editing, hopefully you will let me know so that I can up my rating according to repairs.


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161
Review of Nine-Four  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and review, I came across this poem. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts

From my perspective, this seemed to be about depression. Though, I'm aware that sometimes when we read poetry, we read ourselves into the words, finding ways we may relate.

Imagery
There is some interesting imagery here. When you wrote of it not being a reunion, it seems as though you are writing about holding on to baggage.

Honestly, I had to look up "infancy deficiency" to know what you were referring to there. When I searched it the first things that showed up were links about deficiencies that affect cognitive development. So, I suspect if this is about depression that you are referring to how the brain just does not function properly during those times. Depression takes a tole mentally and physically.

Emotive qualities
This was definitely an emotional read. The state-of-mind of the subject of the poem is felt through your word usage and metaphor.

Flow
Enjambment was done well in your free verse, enhancing the emotions. There were no areas that I tripped over.

Mechanics
Structurally the poem is formed well. Spelling and grammar are executed good as well. There were no areas for me to trip over.

Final thoughts
This was a well written free verse. Though, I am a little confused about the title. I'm sure that there is a hidden meaning in reference to it somewhere in the poem that I did not quite get.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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162
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I ran across this on the random read and review. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts

Wow, Ken, this was pretty dramatic! The emotional content really makes the reader understand why someone would take their own life. Honestly, knowing you, at first when he fingered that rope, I thought he was going to use it to hold the curtains open. So, I was quite surprised by the emotional ending.

Imagery
There are some great metaphors here. The broken teacup is probably the one I appreciate most. It reminded me of my father a little. As he aged and his health failed, he struggled to find his purpose. So, I felt the teacup was a perfect way to show this feeling of a lack of purpose.

Emotive qualities
The build-up in this poem telling this man's story really pulls at the heart strings. Details toward the end, such as the shadows dancing on the walls, kind of made me cringe.

Flow
Enjambment was done well in your free form poem. Line breaks do well in enhancing the emotional content of the poem.

Mechanics
Since this is an older poem, I am sure you have had plenty of time to edit. So, there isn't any issues that I tripped over. It was a well written and edited verse.

Final thoughts
Although sad, there is a message here. Those of us who are younger need to remember that our elders still need to have a purpose. So often we forget that, treating them like children that need to be tended to, rather than giving them the respect they deserve.

Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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163
Review of The New Procedure  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Hi there! I ran across this on the random read and review, so thought I would share my thoughts on it.

The hook

You begin by expressing that she is looking at store windows, then say she "then" passes a store called the Rave. Isn't passing by the Rave looking at stores? If so, the word "then" is out of place.

Besides the technical issue, the actual ideas you begin with are a great way of introducing the story. Right away we have an understanding of the main charachter's emotional state. Many of us can relate to her, too.

Dialogue
The actual words within the quotation marks are done well. They follow regular speech patterns and the personalities of the characters show in their spoken words.

One suggestion I have is to not use the word "said" so much. The thing is, the reader knows someone said something because of the quotation marks. If you were to show body language, rather than said, the character's would be shown more.

Here is an example of what I mean (Purple is your version and blue is mine):

“Okay, I’m in,” she agreed.

She released a slow sigh and nodded her head. "Okay, I'm in."
(The above shows reluctance.)

Her toothy grin matched her enthusiastic nod. "Okay, I'm in."
(Shows that she is excited about it.)


Character Development
There is some pretty good character development here, mostly with the main character. In the beginning we really get an understanding of her emotional struggle in reference to her weight. This of course makes her a target for the man that approaches her.

Scenery
We get a good understanding of scenery. Most of this you added into the actions of the story, rather than boring us with long winded meaningless details.

Plot
The plot was decent. I thought the work-up toward the ending was done well. Though, I am a little disappointed that the ending was a bit predictable.

Mechanics

She was also feeling very week- Weak is what you are meaning here.

Hello, my name is Jenna Perkins, I was told to come here for a special weight treatment.- You appear to have forgotten the quotation marks here.

It is t a minor latent effect?- Did you mean, "Is it a minor latent effect?"

You have quotation marks in a few places, where there should not be any. There was also some issues with your comma usage in several areas. For example, after or before the word so in a few places, there should be a comma. I would suggest using a program like Grammarly to write in, so that your comma issues are caught.

Final thoughts
This needs some editing, but otherwise the main concept is pretty good. Hopefully you will get around to working on it some more.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. If you get around to editing, hopefully you will let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs.


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Review of Be Grateful!!  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Amelia! I ran across this on the random read and review, so I figured I would share my thoughts on it. It is quite the emotive piece.

It is an interesting coincidence that I ran across this poem. Just the other day, I was reading the wrapper from my favorite chocolate. It's selling point, outside of it's delicious flavor is that it is slave free chocolate. This brought up a discussion on how sad it is that a selling point would need to be slave free chocolate. The discussion escalated to how poorer countries suffer so that us in America can have our luxuries. For example, Americans typically throw away rice with bugs, yet bugs in rice is normal in most of Africa and they eat it anyways. It is really quite sad.


Emotive qualities
All poetry should be emotive, rather it makes us upset or simply laugh. Yours makes a statement. It feels angry, which given the contest is fitting. I especially like how the anger builds in each stanza. I'm one that thinks that sometimes profanity in poetry just makes sense to get the point across, so I think it works well in the build-up of anger in your poetry. By the end, it seems as if you are yelling it.

Imagery
The imagery is matter-of-fact, rather than the use of metaphor. Though, the strong imagery of maggots and mold in food make some strong statements. Then that mention of homeless, helps to understand that even the homeless in America live better than those in developing countries.

Flow
For me, the poem flowed well. The only area that I trip over is where you used that light aqua. It really hurt my eyes trying to read it, so I would suggest using an easier to read color.

Final thoughts
I have a great appreciation for poetry that makes strong statements that others are afraid to express. So, I really liked this poem. It makes some important points about us Americans. We really should be grateful that we have the comforts that we do. Yet, there are many that really just do not realize how lucky they are.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*











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Review of Lazy Suicide  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Power Raid sig }



This popped up on the random read and review, so I figured I'd have a look and share my thoughts on it. There are some good lines here and it seems to have been written as lyrics.

Imagery
Suicide seems like an analogy for drug addiction. This is evident in the mention of pills and needles. Or maybe I am putting my own spin on it, since I have some experience watching people do this. Addiction does seem to kill a part of the person, changing them into something else. So, from my perception, the subject of the poem is watching those around them destroy their lives through addictions.

Flow
This flows well. You used some interesting enjambment. Some of the repeated lines have extra spacing, which reads like an echo would. That was pretty creative.

Suggestions
I won't put my fist
inside your funnel.


Ok, now we are both adults here, so I'm going to be blunt. This seems like you are referring to fisting. I am sure that is not what you meant, but I just can not see what else you would be referring to that would be funnel-like. *Think*

Final thoughts
Besides the fist line, there are some great lines in this. It is emotive, as poetry should be and I could definitely relate to it.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read in your port. *Heart*


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Review of Stains On My Soul  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Power Raid sig }


Browsing across the random read and review I ran across this poem. It was quite the emotive read, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on it.

First thoughts
When I first read through this, I felt that the poem does well to express the emotions of a physician who experiences death on a regular basis. I would imagine that it would leave a stain on their soul.

Imagery
The imagery is of various experiences a physician would have with dealing with death, including the families reactions. I am not sure if it was intentional, but the last single, left alone word in each stanza, actually makes a suitable sentence for the theme of this poem. Very creative, if it was intentional.

Flow
I found a few areas that need correction, but other than those areas, the poem flows well, due to chosen meter and enjambment. It almost reads staccato.

Suggestions for correction
Rescus- I'm thinking that you meant rescues
Brotha - I'm thinking this was intentional as slang, but since the voice in this is a college educated physician, slang is not fitting.

Final thoughts
This was actually a pretty good free verse poem. It was emotive as poetry should be.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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167
167
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Power Raid sig }




Hi there, it has been a while since I've reviewed your writing, so when I ran across this on the random read and review, I figured I'd give you some input on it. It is an interesting use of the prompt.

The hook
The first line of dialogue does grab the reader. It signifies that something is going to happen because they are asking if someone is ready for something. When we get to the second line, we learn that death was speaking, which makes it more interesting and apparent that he is asking if she is ready to die.

The Dialogue
Since this is the premise of the contest, dialogue is the most important component here. It seems that you used internal dialogue as a way of dealing with the lack of allowance for descriptions outside of dialogue. It works, but I'm not sure if it is allowed in that particular contest.

Dialogue does carry the story. The voices of the two characters are distinctive enough to show they are two different entities. You use things like italics in the words in quotation marks, which helps to show stresses in speech. The woman's personality is shown well with the sarcasm, which shows she has a great sense of humor, even at the end of her life.

Now it’s time to go.” - You seem to have forgotten a quotation mark.

Plot
The plot is more about acceptance. Like death says, she really doesn't have a choice, it is her time. So, she can go willingly or by force. Then there is the understanding that there will be another life, so there is a bit of spiritual significance with the reference to reincarnation.

Final thoughts

I think that you handled the prompt well. Carrying a story, while adding all the important elements in story telling, is challenging with only dialogue. You did a good job with it.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read in your port. *Heart*


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Review of Fresh Bread  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click here to request a review!



While browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across this lovely little story. For such a small word count, there is a lot expressed here.

I love the imagery. As the reader, I relate because I remember my grandmother making that homemade bread. If in the same situation of the girl in your story, I don't think I would resist the temptation of tasting it.

By your descriptions, I could smell and taste that bread, and I felt my stomach rumble a bit in anticipation.

At the end, the relationship between mother and daughter is sweet. They both know, but it seems to be an expected and acceptable occurrence.

The story flows effortlessly, without any grammar issues or any unclear gaps. Overall this is a well written and wonderful little story. Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read.















*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Don't look  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Click here to request a review!



I ran across this in the random read and reviews and thought I'd share my thoughts on it. Although short, this is somewhat of an impact.

It flows well with the meter and enjambment that you chose to use in this free verse. There is some great lines too. My favorite line is when you refer to the crowd of repetitious meat.

Though there are a few things I'd like to bring to your attention. It seems odd that you would say, "whisper loud". I mean, isn't the poem about standing out in a crowd, daring to have a different voice? If so, then why would you tell them to whisper?

Also, I was a little confused about "When it's your time to call". If they are raising their hand, they are being called on, rather than calling.

Or maybe the meaning of this is to express that we quietly try to express our differing thoughts and are shoved down. If so, then I would suggest changing the wording in the beginning. In the beginning the wording is expressed in such a way that it seems that you are telling them to do something, rather than expressing that in general people whisper their truths.

The concepts are good here and it is obvious that your attempt is to make an important statement. Though, it needs some clarity and editing.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts expressed here are helpful. When you get around to editing, hopefully you will let me know so that I can up my rating according to repairs.















*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Rocky the Rock  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Click here to request a review!


Hi there, Snow! This popped up on the random read and reviews, so I figured I would have a look. From the looks at it, this was an entry for a flash fiction contest. It was a cute little story and a good use of the prompt words.


For such a short write, there is plenty of character development. I could see these two playful children clearly. Obviously the little girl has quite the imagination.

Dialogue was done excellently! You implemented body language and the actions of the story, rather than the redundant "said". Due to that, you were able to add more content, even though you had a limited word count.

Overall, this was a cute story. There was no twist, but that is somewhat expected with such a short word count. Mostly the five stars is for the character development and how you handled your dialogue.

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*















*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Pinwheel  
Review by warpedsanity
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Just stopping by to up my rating according to your repairs on your great little story. *Heart*
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Click here to request a review!


I found this little story while browsing the random read and reviews. It was an interesting little glance into the reality of a man who experiences chronic pain. It seems to be advocating the use of medical marijuana.

The hook
The hook is more of an into describing the two friends. It would work better as a hook if you began with the actions of the story. Then you could add these details into the actions and with the dialogue.

The dialogue

Dialogue is done well. The friendship between these two men is apparent. You even add a bit about the search history, which shows a bit of personality. The only thing that I would like to have seen here is his mispronunciation of the meds. We are only told that he mispronounces it.

Character development
The character's are well developed. Their age difference is shown through their words spoken. There is also plenty of personality shown in the joking.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery shown into the actions of the story. I'm not really sure if they are actually in the store when the story begins or at home.

Plot
It is expressed that the two men often debate, yet there is no debate. Since this is obviously written to advocate more natural remedies for pain, it seems that they should debate that. Maybe pointing out what those side affects of pharmaceuticals should be part of that.

Mechanics

someone who'd have never though - Thought


Final thoughts
The overall concept for the story is good. It just needs some editing to better express those ideas.


Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts here are from one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts expressed here were helpful. When you get around to editing, hopefully you will let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs.










*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Rest Stop  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Click here to request a review!


Hi there, I found this on the random read and review page and thought I'd give it a read and review. Looking at the genre, I was excited to read it. I do love a good horror story.

The hook
That first sentence seems to be a run-on, so I had to re-read it a few times to understand what you were saying. Since the intro paragraph identifies what to expect in the story, honestly, this typo would not hook me. Though, after trying to figure out what you were trying to show, the ideas you were bringing across would hook me.

The Dialogue

The words in the quotation marks are done well. As the reader I could tell that the main character was Mexican, or at least of Spaniard decent.

In areas where there is internal dialogue italics would work better. This way the reader can more easily figure out which is spoken and which is not.

“I can’t wait for you, said the gray-haired trucker with the bib overalls.- you seem to have forgotten a quotation mark. Also, in this area and throughout, you seem to be a bit redundant with said. It would show the story more if you inputted body language instead. For example, instead of said you could write, "a gray-haired trucker narrowed his eyes on him, spoke through a mouth of tobacco, or something else that shows his character.


Character Development
Character development is well done. Hector seems like a good guy. Obviously the other guy is a horrible human.

The women are developed good as well. They had that horrific feel that I would expect in the genre.

The Scenery
I loved how you showed this poor guy being stuck in that gross bathroom. With the descriptions, I could easily invasion that stinky, dirty rest stop bathroom. Then of course, to his horror, he runs out of toilet paper.

I love this line- "Hector’s hand reached half-way to the roll of salvation"

The plot
The plot was great! The ending was a surprise, which is awesome. I mean, it is obvious that someone is being murdered, but the revenge ending is very creative.

Mechanics

On the road to Tonopah from Barstow all day hitching rides non-stop, as the sun fell he had finally requested to be let off at this rest area to take care of business. - He spent the entire day hitching rides non-stop on his journey from Barstow to Tonopah. As the sun fell, he had finally requested to be let off at the rest area to take care of his business.

(There are several other sentences that are long winded, for which would read better if broken up.)

Final Thoughts
I thought that this was a really good work of horror. It just needs some editing. Hopefully you will get around to doing so.


Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. When you get around to editing, hopefully you will notify me of repairs so that I can change my rating according to repairs.













*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hi there! I found this on the random read and review list. It was an interesting short little read. Definitely original and creative.

For such a short write, this has a lot of substance. I get a strong understanding of the characters. They seem to be more like energies, rather than solid beings, which is an intriguing concept.

Dialogue is exceptionally done! You avoid the redundant said and instead add the actions of the characters, which shows the story more. The result is that I felt that I was experiencing the story, rather than being told it. So, great job on the showing, rather than telling.

I loved the ending. It is sort of sad though. These beings are looking for intelligent life and the planets they have explored have been destroyed. In a way it seems like this is a glimpse into a larger works. I could see this being developed into a larger concept, like maybe they find intelligent life on Earth, but they can see the destructive path that we are on.

Overall, this was an excellent read. Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed my visit in your port. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Beach  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there! I found this on the random review page and figured I'd share my thoughts on it. This was a great little poem. *Heart*

Imagery
I appreciate the imagery shown here. As the reader I am taken to a peaceful existence, feeling the sand beneath my feet on a sunny afternoon. Aspects like the water kissing the shore, tell me that the water is softly touching the sand, rather than crashing violently, which gives a sweet feel to the poem.

Flow

Rhyme and meter are consistent, helping the poem flow effortlessly when read out-loud. The repeated lines flow well, expanding on concepts in preceding stanzas, without seeming forced.

Grammar
Since you are the comma queen, I'd expect this to be void of errors and it is. Hopefully you don't grade my comma usage in this review. *Bigsmile*

Final thoughts
This was a great little read. You are an excellent poet. *Heart*

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read.
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