Hi there, I found this on the random read and review page and thought I'd give it a read and review. Looking at the genre, I was excited to read it. I do love a good horror story.
That first sentence seems to be a run-on, so I had to re-read it a few times to understand what you were saying. Since the intro paragraph identifies what to expect in the story, honestly, this typo would not hook me. Though, after trying to figure out what you were trying to show, the ideas you were bringing across would hook me.
The words in the quotation marks are done well. As the reader I could tell that the main character was Mexican, or at least of Spaniard decent.
In areas where there is internal dialogue italics would work better. This way the reader can more easily figure out which is spoken and which is not.
“I can’t wait for you, said the gray-haired trucker with the bib overalls.- you seem to have forgotten a quotation mark. Also, in this area and throughout, you seem to be a bit redundant with said. It would show the story more if you inputted body language instead. For example, instead of said you could write, "a gray-haired trucker narrowed his eyes on him, spoke through a mouth of tobacco, or something else that shows his character.
Character development is well done. Hector seems like a good guy. Obviously the other guy is a horrible human.
The women are developed good as well. They had that horrific feel that I would expect in the genre.
I loved how you showed this poor guy being stuck in that gross bathroom. With the descriptions, I could easily invasion that stinky, dirty rest stop bathroom. Then of course, to his horror, he runs out of toilet paper.
I love this line- "Hector’s hand reached half-way to the roll of salvation"
The plot was great! The ending was a surprise, which is awesome. I mean, it is obvious that someone is being murdered, but the revenge ending is very creative.
On the road to Tonopah from Barstow all day hitching rides non-stop, as the sun fell he had finally requested to be let off at this rest area to take care of business. - He spent the entire day hitching rides non-stop on his journey from Barstow to Tonopah. As the sun fell, he had finally requested to be let off at the rest area to take care of his business.
(There are several other sentences that are long winded, for which would read better if broken up.)
I thought that this was a really good work of horror. It just needs some editing. Hopefully you will get around to doing so.
Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. When you get around to editing, hopefully you will notify me of repairs so that I can change my rating according to repairs.