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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 13:02 My family have mixed things up a little today - instead of going to my Mum's for the day, I've been invited to my brother's house. I am bored out of my skull so I thought I'd do some story planning. I have no idea what I'm doing. I remember I did one awkward blog entry a while back from the POV of my main character- I'm thinking of doing one from the POV of the villain, who I am now analysing in a bit more depth and whose characterisation is subsequently changing from what it was before. Initially, I'd thought I'd be ok with having a stock villain character- the story I really wanted to tell was my protagonist's, after all. Even if the villain is a satellite character, it didn't matter because he wasn't to be the focus of the story at all. But I've since decided that that doesn't challenge my abilities as a writer. So I'm delving into his character a bit more and the direction of the story is changing. Which is ok, because I need to revamp it anyway. Go big or go home - I have decided to live by this in regards to my story. Even the fanfiction I am writing at the moment is being planned as I write, which is something I don't normally do with fanfics and they end up being big, sprawling messes. But I'm hopeful I can write a decent story. I know I have the skill - I just need the drive and the sense of commitment to do something that requires a bit more effort than I'm usually prepared to put in, which isn't an awful lot - note that my handle, while picked out in a hurry when I signed up, is nevertheless spot on. I wish I'd brought a book with me! But my current read - Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson - is a massive book and not something you happened to have on your person and ready to be whipped out for a quick read while you have a minute or two. I ordered another book a few days ago, which arrived this morning. It's a non-fiction book and I read the first few pages and it sounds good. It's called Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race, by Reni Eddo-Lodge. It's not my usual fare but I've a good amount of interest in racism and general discrimination amongst human beings, which reinforces this idea that we're s***-bags, as a species. 13:54 I didn't take this much time to write one small entry. When things happen, they happen all at once  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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