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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 16:01 I'm currently sitting in a hospital waiting room, awaiting my turn with the phlebotomist. You know what's a good place for a vacation? Anywhere that isn't in a hospital! I just had a blood test last week and they want another one! What a pain! Moving on, if the timings of my entry are a bit off, it's because I might have to stop halfway to go and give some of my precious lifejuice away. They're vampires, I tell you! Vampires! ...Moving on once more, my ideal vacation would be to actually stay at home...without my husband or child there! What a treat! Unfortunately, it doesn't happen very often. I'm still holding out hope though that my husband will take the little one with him when he goes to Pakistan next month...Or was it the month after? My memory is not what it once was - too much useless junk stored up there, perhaps, clogging things up and making it hard to shift things around. Back to the prompt, I would love to travel. I did my bronze Duke of Edinburgh's Award (the expedition bit of it anyway) and a handful of us went trekking through Welsh countryside (with one memorable stop at a beach). It was beautiful! I absolutely loved it (although the walking got to my arthritic legs at the time). And it was so out of my comfort zone! I rarely get out of the house nowadays. I guess I should step out of my comfort zone a little more and go and see the world. My view of it right now is shaped by the many global atrocities that seem to be on the news every other day (if even!) so I'd love to be able to take in the beauty and experience the more humane side of humanity. If only. 16:13 Guess the wait for the queue is longer than I thought it would be! |
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