%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
|
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 21:22 The entry for today has been inspired by one of the prompts I did last month for the 30 Blogging Challenge and the prompt asked participants to mention something about which their opinion had changed over time. I had my college journal entry to do that day so I didn't really explore the question in much detail. But while I was walking to my mum's yesterday, I had a thought - like you randomly do - about how my worldview has changed. In my teens, I was obsessed with the idea of being pessimistic - almost as if that was something to be celebrated! I wanted to be a glass-half-empty kinda gal and why not? My life sucked...according to me only. I was convinced my parents hated me and my teachers were out to get me and my friends weren't really my friends...a typical teenager, basically. I didn't see the goodness in people - I shunned people if I could. I didn't hold any particular hostility towards any individual but I accepted that people on the whole were giant douchebags who couldn't be trusted. The world was a miserable place and anything that celebrated the world and the beauty of it and the ingenuity of humanity was scorned by me. Even now, I remember an advert that used to come on TV about a laundry detergent or fabric softener or something and, in this advert, the music was some old-sounding song about the clouds having a silver-lining when the sun breaks through and at the end of the song (or the advert, can't remember which, maybe both?) the last line was "As far as I'm concerned the world is such a lovely place!" and the only reason why I remember this is because I ridiculed it. "As if the world is a lovely place! Wake up, you stupid woman!" Yeah...Pretty weird. But I moved on from that. My religion teaches me to be hopeful, to have faith (does this count as a pun?) in the goodness that people are capable of and that pessimism can be damaging. God created us all and God created everything else too, with a plan in mind and the might to see it through without a hitch. Being pessimistic doesn't affect that plan in any way whatsoever and neither did it protect me from the evil that people are capable of. Rather, it is more fitting for me, more beneficial to me - and to others around me - if I have a positive outlook. I want to help people and maybe make a teensy fraction of a bit of difference in that grand plan. I don't yet have the courage to do so in any meaningful way (can't even hold a decent conversation without pausing and wondering if I've offended anyone) but I want to. It helps me to think better of myself and when I think better of myself, I understand others better. When I understand others better, I am able to see the beauty of the world. 21:40 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
)
