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Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #2186370
Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool!
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes.

I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore!

I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children.

I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be.

I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone.
June 26, 2019 at 8:47am
June 26, 2019 at 8:47am
#961558
13:37

"Are you (or were you ever) a thrill-seeker? Do you visit carnivals or theme parks? What do you do that gets your heart pounding? Have you ever had a brush with death?"

Ok, in order:
No. I'm perfectly fine feeling safe, secure, and boringly alive, thank you very much!
I have on occasion visited theme parks.
I don't know if I do anything that gets my heart pounding. I like the idea of running - the thrill of movement is something that I wish I could enjoy more of but I'm too embarrassed to run on the roads and I can't run for very long because I'll be panting and wheezing after just a few metres.
No. Thank God for that!

I guess some would say that you feel most alive when your blood is pumping and you've experienced an extreme sort of emotion. But, really, I'm perfectly fine to continue my mundane, uber-ordinary existence. If only someone else would look after my kid on occasion so I could do my existing by myself, in peace and solitude. Aaah, those were the days...:'(

I am tired. As always. I'm running between my mum's house and mine this week. My sister has the earlier shift at work so I need to be there when her kids come home from school (the three of them live with my parents). My mum is usually the one who's there when they get back home but she's gone to Pakistan so that responsibility now falls to me. It's a nightmare! They don't have a computer so I can't write! *Cry*

13:47
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