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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 09:51 "Today, write about an experience that wowed you. When was the last time your jaw fell open? Where were you the last time you felt awe and admiration? As best you can, share your experience in a way that your blog reader can feel the same wonder you felt." This one is pretty easy, actually. I am regularly surprised and awed. By life. By nature. By the ingenuity of human beings as a minute reflection of God's vast creative power. The innocence of children. The smile of a baby. The wide-eyed stare of my often annoying kitten. "But these are everyday things, Shiki!" I hear you say. Yes, they are. And it requires a specific mindset to see the wonder in these everyday things. You have to take a moment. Begin with a deep breath. Let go of the frustrations with people, even if you feel like you want to erupt with a stream of profanities (case in point - my child is bullying my kitten as I type, due to his indignation that I took him off my chair so I could write this). Just take a step back. Look at some greenery. Look at the pattern on the leaves or the shape of the petals on the flower. Study the sky. Yesterday, I think we had clear blue skies for the first time this year! It was lovely. I just sat back, looking up. Not a speck of cloud directly overhead. Just deep, unending, unblemished blue. It was the most beautiful thing ever. The summer sky is perfect. There's an amazing view from the top of my street, before the slope goes down towards the houses. Beyond the ugly-ass dwellings of human beings, there's an expanse of greenery. I think there's a park somewhere behind my house - way beyond a a thick line of trees, some train tracks, and a canal which I cannot see. The view from the top of that slope is of distant hills dotted with trees that look about the size of mushrooms from my vantage point. I see the occasional colourful dot that is a car or other vehicle, but mostly, it's just vast greenery. It's brilliant. Not so much in the autumn but right now, it's beautiful. I know I'm usually quite pessimistic but I guess a love for nature keeps me somewhat balanced. 10:09 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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