%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
|
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 16:08 The 30 Day Blogging Challenge is over. I'm thinking I'll take on the unofficial June challenge too. It's a good incentive to continue what I'm doing so why not? Since there is no prompt for this entry, I'll just regale you all with a tale of...my ordinary mundane life. Yay. It will be Eid soon. It felt like Ramadan barely started and now, a blink of the eyes later, it's almost through! Eid has really been a disappointment these past few years. We've made it all about food and visiting the same two relatives we visit every year. When I was a kid, we'd go to visit relatives in other cities and it was so much more...celebratory. I took a lot of breaks so even though I haven't written much, that's more than ten minutes! 16:22 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 10:55 Woo-hoo! The month is nearly over! It's gone by so quickly and now I have so many more entries in my blog! I will try to keep up my ten minutes of writing a day but I don't think I would have come this far with it if it hadn't been for this challenge. My favourite prompt was probably the one where I had to explore something about which my opinion had slowly changed over time. I had a bit of in-depth self-reflection there and got some good stuff, I think. The most rewarding aspect of this challenge has been to continue it every day and maybe make some new discoveries about myself. Not many of those, but I think I've had a couple :) Okay, five minutes done (with some dithering thrown in for good measure) and I'm not sure what to write about. My back hurts? That's old news. I'm tired? Meh, also old news. I'm writing! Yes, I'm writing every day! It is a stupid fanfiction that I'm writing, true, and it's also plotless drivel, true, and a romance (which is not something I excel in), true, but I'm writing! I'm trying to come up with a plot as I write but it's rubbish. But I'm rolling with it. I now feel inadequate about writing without thinking up some sort of plot...although, clearly, this hasn't stopped me. I'll keep working on it. Nine minutes! Come on, clock! Change! I demand you change! Come oooooooooooooooooooon!  YAY! 11:05! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 22:36 I'm a bit confounded by this prompt. I have to come up with four prompt ideas and then choose one of them to write my entry around. So my prompt ideas are... 1. Explore dependence (on anyone/anything, about how/why/etc.) 2. What is resilience and what does it look like for you? 3. Our judgement can cloud our views and stands in the way of seeing the truth. But are there times when casting our judgement is beneficial in any way? 4. If you could learn another language, which one would it be and why? I'll go with the last one, because if I start digging for the others, I might be here for hours and nobody's going to read a blog entry that takes hours to get through. I'm learning four languages right now (I'm not yet proficient in any of them and if I continue at the rate I'm going, I never will be). I'm learning Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, and Italian. The last of these is not like the others, you say? You would be right. I'm only learning Italian because I got a distance-learning course for it like ten years ago and I never finished it but I still have all my material so I wanted to get back to it. I started learning Italian back then because my favourite anime at the time, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, was about a mafia family and it was so quirky and fun that I love it to this day (though I probably wouldn't call it my favourite since I don't think I have a favourite anymore) and the characters are still fresh in my mind. But I do like Italian. It isn't very hard since it has a lot of similarities with English and I find it pleasant to speak and listen to. I'm sure I've talked about my half-assed language learning before so I won't go into detail about the individual whys and hows of the others but I would like to mention that languages fascinate me. It's amazing how there are so many differences between every race/ethnicity's way of thinking but it's also incredible that, despite these differences, we still have so many similarities. For example, in English we have the old saying "kill two birds with one stone" and, in my mother tongue (which is a dialect of the Mirpur region of Pakistan) I've heard my dad similarly say "ek tir dou nishaniyan" (literally "one arrow two targets"). I haven't studied languages in any depth, though I want to. I blew my chance when I was in college - I believe I got an E in my overall English Language A Level. Miserable. But oh well. I didn't have much of a desire to learn back then. I do now. Somewhat. Maybe that's what I can look into studying once I've finished my counselling course. 23:01 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 08:22 The short answer? No. The long answer? We can try. I suppose for people who mete out justice, objectivity is a necessity. They have to learn it. It's required of them. But in everyday life, I don't think even they are completely unbiased. I think it would take some kind of superhuman to be unbiased in every situation. In everyday life, it's often the case that we only hear one side of a story, right? We either don't get to hear the other side or forget that there is another side altogether. Generally, I'm talking about incidents that have happened between friends/family members and some unknown people. Example: Friend: "The bastard cut me off, didn't see him coming out at all! Nearly hit him!" Me: "What a douchebag! There are some really stupid people on the road!" Meanwhile, the "douchebag" in question could be relaying something similar to his friend: Douchebag: I thought the bitch was miles away so I pulled out! Next thing I know, she's right behind me and honking like mad! Douchebag's friend: Must have been an idiot. There are lots of those around. There you have it. I have lots of biases. When I'm talking to people, a lot of the time I tend to just blindly agree with what they're saying because I either don't have the courage to voice what I really want to say, or I'm not very interested in the conversation. I'm trying to change but it's difficult. I do have lots of topics that I'm passionate about so I will voice my opinions if I disagree strongly enough. Also, religion plays a big part here for me too. I don't like listening to people gossiping. In Islam, it's actually a sin to speak ill of people when they aren't there (it's also a sin to speak ill of people when they're there but I think it might be a bigger sin to do so behind someone's back) so I try not to indulge people when they do so. But, as mentioned previously, a lot of the time I just go along with what they're saying if it's a personal issue and they want to vent. I never consider in those moments that the party being talked about might have their own version of events. This has been educational! 08:41 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 09:13 The prompt today asks how I honour those who have passed away. Islamically, you can send prayers for the deceased if they were Muslim and ask that their sins be forgiven and they be granted paradise. Culturally, we hold massive family get-togethers on the anniversary of the death of a loved one and offer prayers and have a meal as an extended family. The two are not to be confused, since cultural norms tend to rise even from a religion that prohibits making up new norms in the name of the religion. In religion, we human beings are as split as we are in anything. Even more so, perhaps, which is a pity. ...I've run out of things to say! If I'm honest, I always get a bit nervous when talking about religion. I'm no scholar so I could be wrong and I don't want to be wrong because so many people already have a negative view of Islam. I don't want to add to it in any way. My religion is one of peace and kindness and I want to promote that because those are the aspects of it that appeal most to me. I had to go to my son so I took a little break but I think I can safely say I did ten minutes...maybe. I was hesitating a lot  09:28 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 11:59 Interesting prompt for today. I can't share any one particular instance where I wanted to go back and have another crack at something because my life is probably littered with moments like that. We are, at any one particular moment in our lives, at the peak of our knowledge. We live according to what we know, even though it is often a laughably small amount of knowledge in the context of the wider world. We're always learning and experiencing new things, even if we don't actively try to do so. So the wiser we get, of course we regret some of our more misinformed choices in life. But even the bad choices shape us and make us who we are. I'm trying to live with that now. It's been a difficult journey - and it still is in many ways - but I am happy with the person that I am right now. Perhaps, if the opportunity for do-overs came around, I would try harder at something and my life would veer down a different track and I might improve in some ways, but other paths I then took the first time round might never be open to me and I may not then be the person that I am now. And that's a terrifying thought. So, in response to the prompt, if the opportunity for do-overs came around, I wouldn't take it. I'd need a hell of a lot more of those opportunities to set my timeline straight again, so that I could continue being the person that I am...although a somewhat more improved version. But, really, I don't mind me. 12:10 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 22:44 I never go into a weekend with a fixed idea of what I want to do. On Saturdays, I head over to my mum's so I'm usually idle and accomplish nothing except the items on my daily checklist. This also happens to be why I update my blog so late on Saturdays - either I'll do it super early before I leave or super late after I return. I wasn't able to update it earlier as I had guests over and they left a while before I headed out for my mum's. Guests are always a nice surprise since people rarely come to my house. Saying that, I'm expecting a visit from my friend tomorrow. We'll be meeting again after like three months, and we're supposed to be best mates. It was hard enough when she lived twenty minutes away by car. Since she got married, it's become double that and I detest driving out of town. I lack confidence behind the wheel and barely manage driving locally (sometimes not even then). So that's my current weekend. On a general weekend, I would spend my Sunday at home. Dean has his vaccines tomorrow too so I'll have to get out to take him to the vets. I have promised myself that I'll make my Sundays a day out for my little one, just the two of us. He's so enamoured by buses since he's never been on one. He's been on a train once. There are lots of places to explore. I'm thinking, since I want to home school him, I should get in the habit now of taking him to different places. As for the last part of the prompt - if I had 48 hours to spend as I wished, what would I do? - my first thought was go to sleep late and wake up whenever I want, but I don't really mind getting up early on a morning. I just wish I had more sleep. If I didn't have a child, I would definitely try to go to sleep earlier so I could get up earlier. As it is, I sleep late and wake up early. I would also like to spend a couple days just chilling, without worrying about meeting the needs of a small human being. Last night, till about four in the morning, I was lying awake in bed thinking about a new story idea and the whole time, there was a nagging little voice in the back of my head saying "go to sleep! You'll have to be up soon!" But I allowed myself to indulge. It was actually sort of like playing a movie in my head - I was thinking about the direction of this story and how it would play out and the different paths it could take. It's such a rare thing for me to feel nowadays that I just let it pull me along, even if I did end up getting only three hours of sleep as a result. If I had 48 hours to kill, I'd like to spend more time doing that :) 23:03 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 15:20 How do I reward my successes? Hmm...It's a tough one. I don't really. Maybe if I see something nice that I've wanted for a while, like a new dress or some piece of artist equipment, I'll splurge and get it. Mostly, I don't reward myself because I feel guilty enough as it is with the day-to-day expenditures. I shouldn't feel like that, should I? I should reward myself more often, shouldn't I? Who cares if it leaves a massive hole in the wallet? Money comes and money goes - that is the nature of money. That would be a nice way of looking at things if I didn't own a house and didn't have a child (and a cat). Life would be so easy. Mind you, I don't take care of most of the expenses around here - it's my husband who deals with the mortgage and the bills. I just have to get all the in-house things we need. There must be low-cost ways to treat oneself! Chocolates...? Although I get a couch when I eat too many sugary foods :( Ice cream...same problem. Books? Books are good! It's stupid but I rarely look at used books so I either don't buy them or save up if I've seen one in particular. Or...you know, I go down to the library. What other ways are there to treat yourself? Anyone got any ideas? 15:32 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 19:27 The challenge prompt for today is "what kind of learning style do I have?" I'm not sure, to be honest. I guess I learn a lot through discussion and images. Mostly, though, if someone shows me a couple times how to do something, that's the best way for me to learn. The last assignment I handed in for counselling was absolute crap because it was something new to me and the teacher couldn't let the class have a look at past examples of it because ours is the first class in that subject at that level of qualification to be taught at that college. So it was all a bit hit-and-miss. I definitely missed, I can tell you that. It was like being thrown in at the deep end. Saying that, the things I enjoy are the things I learn about as I go along. I don't like those things to be spoon-fed to me by someone else because I want to explore the limits for myself. I'm sure you can guess that this is the creative stuff. I don't do well when someone tries to teach me writing, because it feels forced. Not to say I've never taken advice to heart - I love advice! There's just precious little of it given to me in regards to my craft that I'll soak it in and try my best to apply it. I attended lots of writing workshops when I was a teen and in my very early twenties but I don't remember taking much from them. It's the one-to-one tutorials, where someone is earnest about your work and wants you to improve, that really helped. I don't get any of those anymore either. 19:37 And that's a wrap! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 13:03 I wanted to be a lot of things when I was little. My earliest career choice (that I can recall) was a scientist. Then I wanted to be a builder. And then a teacher. Then a writer at around fifteen-sixteen years of age. The last one, of course, stuck. The only problem is, I still want to be a writer - I'm not there yet. No one's ever been bothered if I stopped or if I continued so my ambition has always been a bit unsteady. But I've finally come to my senses and realised that if I have even the slightest bit of talent in this field, then I'd be a fool not to pursue it. Regardless of whether success comes, my aim is to at least try to get my work out there. I'm still lazy though. I've been meaning to write a short story on the Elementals, which would make this one the third short story for the overall series, but it's been a week and I've barely touched it. I make excuses that it's due to lack of time, but I think I'm just not taking it seriously enough. I'm not in a routine. Once I get back into a routine, I'll be fine. It's just getting to that point which proves to be difficult. I'm so tired! I want to sleep! Why do I never get enough sleep? The Ramadan routine is good - I can squeeze in a bit of sleep during the day. But today I have to take my mother for her doctor's appointment. I'm not sure when I'll get back, but after that I'll have guests over. And then it's time to put my son to bed. And then the fast opens. And then there's a looooooooooong prayer during which I will struggle not to fall asleep. Life! It feels like it's never-ending! It will, of course, end one day. I must try to be positive. I think it really helps to stay positive. I've been trying it since this morning - I tried to speak to my son as a human being, instead of a banshee. It worked for a bit. And then I walked him to the childminder's and he had a massive strop! Boy, that was challenging! I tried so hard to keep calm but he just wouldn't stop. So I yelled. A lot. In public! My God, do children annoy me sometimes! Just thinking about it makes me feel guilty. Anywho, I must go and pick up the little monster now. Good times ahead! Yay... 13:16 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
