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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well, if you didn't, you've obviously been asleep at the wheel. In America today, we celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Not as the Irish celebrate, mind you. For us, it is green Beer, pub crawls, and pinches for not wearing green. In America, there will be parades, parties, and paroxisms of playfulness. (King me!) In Ireland, this will be a religious and holy holiday. Special services will be held across the country to remember the patron Saint of a nation. Quiet reflections will be had concerning the life and life-effects of one solitary monk. He changed a nation, and thereby the world. It is not so often that someone comes along who can really do that, yet for the believers of Ireland, there once was just such a man. Over time, his story was "embellished" to the point that the stories were told of his ridding the entire country of snakes. Now, that makes for sharp Irish wit, and good Irish humor to all who live there. Ireland is, you see, an island. Never has there been a report of a snake inhabiting the Emerald Isle. So, I guess St. Patrick did a really good job, after all. It's sort of like the Navy having a medical center in Memphis, TN. Have you ever heard of a successful foreign invasion on Memphis from the water? Well, there ya go! Blame it on the Navy. Today is, they say, for everyone who is Irish, or would like to be. I come by it honestly; I"m 1/2 Irish. Sara says she always wears something Green on St. Patrick's Day: her eyes. This is, for me, not acceptable! So, she will be pinched, anon. (Like I need a reason!) As we all know, one of the most treasured "exports" of Ireland are the many Irish Blessings that have been passed down through time. I'd love to see your favorite in a comment below. Irish eyes ARE smiling, today. Here's one of my favorites: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "May ye make it to Heaven one half-hour, Before the Devil knows yer daid!" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I hope you celebrate both ways. But please celebrate safely. We've lost too many friends already this year. Besides, you've got a contest to win! If you haven't heard about it, you can find it here:
It's live now, and runs until 2359 on Wednesday, March 31st, 2010. Tell your friends about it, Irish or otherwise. And have a memorable St. Patrick's Day. I will be In His Care, Budroe |
This entry is caused by, and dedicated to a WDC friend of mine, who is celebrating his 9th anniversary on WDC today. We have never met in person. It wouldn't make a difference if we did. Happy anniversary, EarlyHours-A Vigilante Ranger  . Thanks for all the incredible good you do, every day; even for the good you do here. In my journey of more than fifty-some years, this question has come towards me from others so many times. It has taken every one of those years for me to at least begin answering that question. It is an answer that I truly believe, and believe in. Many people simply discount it as the self-conviction of a minister. Some have said it is the hopeful statement of a Nurse. I have even had some people tell me that my natural optimism is a character flaw. I've been told that I am one whose feet are firmly planted--in the clouds. In my journey, I have seen some pretty incredible sadness. I will admit that I have felt some pretty incredible sadness. I do not believe I am anywhere near the only one to have felt the kind of gut-wrenching, heart paralyzing sadness that comes from nothing more than living in this world. There are sadnesses that we belly button kids endure that are profound. Some of them happen to most of us. Some of them are unique unto each one of us. Twenty people travel one mile on the highway, yet see twenty entirely different scenes. 500 people attend a symphony concert, yet there are 500 different combinations of sounds that lead to 500 unique experiences. 1,000 people share a buffet meal in a cafeteria, yet no two people share exactly the same meal. In the same way, family troubles are unique, yet every family encounters them. No two divorces are the same. No two parents sitting at the bedside of a loved one after surgery will ever have a duplicate experience, no matter how common their situation might be. Businesses fail every day, with untold sadness as the outcome. There are millions of families in this country living in cars. How sad is that? If you talk to these folks, more likely than not they will tell you how lucky they are, because they have a friend living under a bridge. That's where it comes from. We sometimes have no idea that there are entire countries of people who have no hope. More than food, medicine, or shelter, these people die for lack of hope. We can feed the bodies, and clothe them. Shoes are no problem, not for us. Meals can be brought, prepared and served. Water is a big hit in many countries. Buildings are built by the untold thousands in countries of the greatest poverty; buildings that the communities they serve could never, ever afford. Strangely enough, these are the same communities whose leaders ask us: "But what of your homeless?" They are so grateful, yet they feel guilty. Our $1,500.00 structure will serve their communities for decades to come, yet it is they who ask us to consider the homeless in our own land. What is our answer to them? Generally, we tell them that there are many of our people helping those among us who have great need. After all, isn't that who we are? But, the truth of it is, that isn't true at all. While there are so many here doing so much, they would tell you that the problems they face are not insurmountable problems that must be simply accepted as part of the status quo. They just need money. Or more importantly (and much more common) they would tell you they need more hands on the plow. We will travel thousands of miles to build a building, or dig a well, or provide the most basic medical care. But, we cannot (or will not) reach out to the neighbor in need. Of course, some would tell you that the important part of being an American is lifting yourself up by your bootstraps, and creating your own success--just as they have done. If you cannot afford health care, then you should not have it, they say. Health care is not a constitutionally mandated "right" of citizenship, after all. Retirement isn't, either. Nor is having a dwelling to live in somehow constitutionally guaranteed. If you don't have a house to live in, that's your own fault. Get up off your butt and do the job, they say. Meanwhile, it is most likely these same voices that will support a "Mission Trip" to West Bubblegum to build a building, or dig a well, because that is "the right thing to do". Huh? All things good come from God. Sometimes, He uses completely incapable people to deliver those good things. Sometimes, He places the least of His kids directly into the path of one in much greater need, simply to show them His glory, His goodness, or His mercy, or His love. Sometimes, God gives our minds a dose of empathy for others that we couldn't explain if our very lives depended on it. "Why did I do that?" Do I do a good or right thing simply because it is good, or right? Sometimes I do. That is because I am disposed to doing good, or right things. I know that not all people are. They have other gifts, other skills that I do not have. It might well be a very bad place if those skills were not available. Of course, the argument could well be made: "If there were no crooks, would we need cops?" Many would say the cost of self-policing is just too expensive. Many would tell you that rehabilitation for a criminal is nothing more than idealism gone crazy, and every dollar spent on it is just throwing good money after bad. But, even when it is against everything we know or believe of ourselves, something happens that we can neither anticipate nor believe ourselves capable. Beyond our best efforts, we do a good thing for someone else, even without determining their financial qualifications, their CV, or their worthiness. It is instinctive; a part of our nature. Something within us simply pours out of us without our voluntary action. It flows from a place within us, a well of our being that was in us when we showed up. And, when that good thing happens, it is God using us for His pleasure, whether we like it or not. He doesn't require our opinion, even though He does covet our permission. Yet, still there comes an unexplainable moment in our lives when we cannot ignore or deny that something greater than ourselves has invaded our existence. Even though we may not understand it, we have done something greater than ourselves to someone we don't even know--and usually someone we wouldn't walk across the street to help. It's just a part of us. All good things come from God. Not only can He use those who love Him, but any belly button kid He alone has created. The bad, the insignificant, and the worthless of humanity are all His. When someone receives such a kindness, it is not the person who receives the acknowledgment, it is the good thing we have done. That is appropriate, I believe. Because it is good, it will affect more than one person. Both the given and the giver receive blessing from the act. Usually, it is when we do a good thing that we feel better. We don't feel better because we have done it. We feel better because a good thing has happened in our presence. That is a truth shared between the giver and the given. It can be a smile from across the way. It can be a kind word shared in a grocery store line, or a combat zone. It can be literally anything, but there is one truth about it. It is inevitably just what we need. It is the very best thing that could possibly happen to us in a given moment. That makes it a very good thing. All good things come from God. I think we would all be better off if we were more willing to do good things. Not in a far away land, or an invisible web site address. Those are urgently important things, and places. But, I think that we would be better people if we could do something good in our own homes, or offices, or hospital rooms. Children have it much more clearly than we adults do. They do it just because they can. I wish more of us were child-like in that way. I'm so very grateful for the good times I have known in my life, and the good people who have populated them. They are living examples of just what good can be, and what good can do. I wish I were much more like them. I wish they could know just how good they are. I wish they could have some good thing come into their world, the way they have brought good things into my life. But, I hope they do not cower from the opportunity to do good things. Regardless of their political affiliation, or their social standing, or their financial position, I hope they will find themselves in one of those amazing, unique "God Moments". Because that's where God is. If you are trying to find God, do something incredible; something good. You'll find Him there. I promise. When the one thing you need most comes to you from the most improbable source, don't be too surprised. That's just God, letting you know He loves you still. Even if it comes in a package you don't like, or do not know. That's where the good is. In His Care, Budroe |
| Do ya remember that diatribe I throwed at ya not so long ago about blue months? I've got an update. It's two words. The second one is " 'em!" Take that where you will, just don't blame me for it.  The contest is off to a blazingly mediocre start. I know why; I think I can fix it. I hope the cure isn't more painful than the disease. We'll see. In the meantime, we could use some of your more awesome gifts. We are currently looking to add to the winners' prize pot; specifically: anything. Yep, we're picky that way. Donations are open now. Submissions open at 0001 on the 17th. I'm hoping we have a minimum "Green Beer" factor. I have done a little legwork, research-wise on this particular holiday. I thought I had it right, but it took some research (I love research!) to convince me that I did, in fact, have it right. There are few "international" holidays, you know. I mean, there is World Peace Day, etc. But there are few commonly shared days that celebrate the same thing. This is one that misses that mark. In the US, it's a day for "all those who are Irish, or want to be!" It is the #2 celebrated holiday in this country (behind Christmas). It is celebrated by more people in the top two cities (Chicago and === Denver!) than in all of Ireland. Yet, in Ireland, Saint Patrick's Day is about (of all things!) St. Patrick! I KNOW! He was a priest, ya see. He drove all the snakes from the Emerald Isle and became (legitimately) beloved by the Irish people. Yes, he was a priest. Yes, he did mission to Ireland. Yes, the people there did belove him. The fact that Ireland is an island, and had/has, won't ever have snakes is nothing more than a silly fact promulgated by the anti-St. Patrick contingent. B'gosh-n-begorrah! Let's not let anything like a fact stand in our way, now shall we lads and lassies? (No, not the pooch! Pay attention!) Green beer, rivers of it (in Chicago!); the largest parade in the world (Sorry, nope. It's Denver! Who knew? I KNOW!!), and pub crawls that'll make mere weepin' children of the largest buck in th' village. Green everything on this day, the 17th of March. History tells us that the original Leprechauns wore primarily red, but let's not quibble. The official Leprechaun wear includes a jacket of 7 rows of 7 buttons. Because it always has, that's why! The typical picture shows a wee lad sitting on a tree stump, with one of his own shoes in his hand. Lore tells us that this mischievous creature always has one foot ready to run, just in case he's about to get caught. The pot, the rainbow, and the lucky charms are all add-ons over time. He was about as holy as Kokapelli, for those who may be familiar with that Indian scalawag, and he did have a red beard--a sign of extreme intelligence in the lands of the Shamrock--then and now. We call ours Fergus. He's our mascot, and our friend. He's also a complete handful. I'm not exactly certain, but it has fallen to me somehow to keep Fergus under control. I wonder what the loser gets. He'll be causing quite the fuss this next week as he treats entrants to the contest to a very special brand of his magical buffoonery. I hope you will join him. I hope I can keep up. Heck, I really hope I can keep myself out of the green rivers! But, I will always be, In His Care, Budroe Check out the Contest at "Invalid Item" Check out the Auction at "Invalid Item" Buy the new book! |
| Springtime brings out the creative spirit. For High School and College sports fans, it's state tourney / NCAA Final Four time. For students of Music, it's State or All-State audition time. For WDC, it's the beginning of the Spring Contests! I am pleased to be a part of one, myself. It's a juried writing contest that has opportunity for essayists, poets, fiction and non-fiction writers alike. And for what I believe to be the first time eer, it also has a Graphic Arts component! From today until we run out of room in Fergus' Pot-O-Gold, we are accepting donations for prizes in the contest. As most of you know, almost anything can serve as a valued prize to a contest entrant. Prize packages, reviews, port raids, GPs, CNote collections, signatures, shop items...anything of small value to you could be the incentive to bring out the very best writing efforts of a member. If you would be willing to contribute your talent, I hope you will. We are also in need of more expeerienced members to serve as Judges for this event. Look at the options above, and then look at the Contest. Reviewers are needed as well. Finally, we are hoping for an outrageous number of entries for the contest. You'll be seeing a lot about it, in the next few weeks. Donations open today. Submissions will be available as of 0001, Wednesday March 17th, 2010. Submission deadline is 2359, March 31st, 2010. Judging will be complete as of April 7th, with all position winners and the incredibly lucky Grand Prize Winner announced at noon on April 14th, 2010 (All times WDC time). We will have some very special guest Judges, as well, but we are depending on the experienced leadership of WDC to create the judging panels. To see more about the contest, please check out the pages at:
We are also sponsoring an auction this month, created for "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" [E] by our own Brae . Yes, donations are needed there, as well. It should be tons of fun! Bidding will begin soon, so be sure to stay tuned and check regularly, and bid often!You can find the RR Crew's March Auction here:
And, I even got highlighted by Kate - Writing & Reading  in this week's issue of the "Mystery" Newsletter! "Mystery Newsletter (March 10, 2010)" I'm very glad for that. Of course, the piece highlighted hasn't been touched in more than two years, and was a draft! Guess where I'm headed! But, as I go, I will still be,In His Care, Budroe |
| I am learning today that creating new contests on WDC is a daunting chalenge. Yet, I am certain it will be alright. More on the developments as they occur. I've got lists of lists right now. But, this is my very first contest ever of my own creation and design on WDC. I want it to be "just SO!", ya know? I hate it when pervasive "rightness" breaks out in my friends' statement to me. I hate it when "pride" sneaks into mine. Yet, I DO have a belly button, after all. Sorry, Dad!. I sure hope this gets easier with time. I think I've got a good and unqiue idea; it's a multiple choice Contest! It should be interesting. If you would be willing to donate a prize, a prize package, or Judging services, please post a comment and let me know, or send me a PM/Email. Thanks. Even decorating help would be welcomed...please?  NO, I'm really not too proud to ask; not really. But it does make me blush to know how little I do know about setting up a contest. I don't want to pay someone else to do it, either. I'll learn. I will. Yes, I will! *stomps foot* In His Care, Budroe |
| On this date, in 1967, my beloved sister, Anne, took her own life with a gun that was not supposed to exist. I was 11 years old at the time. I remember the days leading up to the last moments I shared with my sister, who was just voted to be the Valedictorian of her senior class after her original honor of Salutatorian was "upgraded" due to some unknown problem (to me) with the grades of the other student--her dear friend. That reality had nothing directly to do with Anne's choice to end her life, yet the timing does. And it is time that I want to discuss. That event took place a very long time ago. 43 years, to be precise. There are followers on this journey who knew and loved my sister. I know they would agree with the topic of this entry with me. I have spent a sizeable portion of my life coming to understand and accept the circumstances, the compelling events, and the person involved. I know, and understand more about this topic than most people I know. Forgive my vanity; that is not my intent. You do not go through this experience without asking, seeking, and finally answering entirely too many questions. I love my sister now as I did on that strange, Orwellian day so long ago. It is sometimes difficult to see her beautiful countenance in my mind. That scares me--a lot. A person of her wonder, love, and joy should not be invisible in my life. Her graduating class dedicated our Annual to her that year, with a full page picture of her included. For many years, that was the only picture I had as mine of her. Sadly, that volume was lost to a fire many years ago. I grew up, and grew. I still live. I can discuss this topic from virtually any point of the compass with anyone. As much as it truly pains me to tell you, I am a victim of someone else's choice. I have forgiven it, and believe that I have come to understand and accept, sad though they may be, the circumstances surrounding the moment my sister's choice threw me on a forever quest. On that Saturday in 1967, I was an eleven year-old boy who knew a terrible secret, yet honor-bound to keep it. I did, and I have. I will. There are people in this world who would tell you that I have no honor. There is one person who, for more than 40 years, has rested with the inescapable truth that I do have the honor of my word. There are many others, were one to inquire, who would say the same thing; those people know me. But, I don't think anyone knows the eleven year-old boy who, inside the frame of a 55 year-old man, still wonders in his tears, and his unspeakable sadness, if his choice was the correct one. I know that sharing the secret then would have not changed, by one iota, the events which occurred that day. Yet, I still wish I had been big, or strong, or convincing enough to have somehow altered the outcome for Anne, for me, and for all involved. I talk to my sister Jeanie on this day every year. We do not mention why the call is made, yet we both know. Somehow, we share different points of grief together, for just a few moments. That will never change for us. There are many such days we share. This one is a special one for me. I was there. Mine were the last words my Sister heard from me, but they were the only words I would ever want her to keep: "I love you, Anne." For many days of each of these 43 years, I have felt that in my heart without the opportunity to know it was heard, felt, or returned. But on this day each year, I do spend moments wondering about " What if?", or If'n only I'da...." My sister got her release, and considers these thoughts no more. I, and many others, have yet to experience that release. I was a brother and a son and a friend. On this day, in 1967, I became an unwilling victim. I cannot free myself from this day. In all honesty, I don't think I would want to be free of it. I get to remember, and smell, and see, and love my sister all over again. It certainly wasn't enough then, and I find it sadly lacking now. For those of you who have had to deal with all that goes into this situation, you have my prayers and condolences. Nobody should ever have to feel this way. Ever. For those of you who have been entertaining the thoughts of your own suicide, I hope you will also consider my words here, today. Before you decide you cannot handle the world, those you love the most, or the excruciating pain of your "right now", please believe me. It's not worth it. I know. Suicide sucks. In His Care, Budroe |
| March is one of my most favorite months. In it, I find hope, release, and anticipation of the greater things of life which have eluded me for the entirety of Winter. Winter officially ends (although the weather often does not) in March. The Springtime Equinox arrives, and magically, as if designed from the beginning, March brings the Springtime. Birds chirp, as new babes break forth their hungering cry. Hope in renewal is March, with her staggering winds made just for the new kites, and the hope within each of us belly button kids that can smell the newness of the refreshed earth that the long winter sleep promises. Oh, yes! March on, Oh great month of March. Bring us your new hope to the dull dawnlight with fresh and vibrant colors of hope, charity, and goodness. The new year arrives with a new season, and we can now begin to live again. The sad, long days of Winter are behind us, and all the hope we have created within us now can blossom, and shine! We should watch, and know what it is that we witness with the month of March. Every day should be one of anticipation, hope, wonder and amazement as the newness of the planet display before us a new, never before seen beauty. It should astound us! It should make us breathless, just with the mere reality of itself! Yes, March! March onward, I say. Speak gayly of it, and let your happy voice raise the sleeping flowers and trees into the newness of their creative beauty. Spring forward, I say. Dispair no more, for this is March! Things new should consume us, our fancy, our imagination, and our dreams. Yes, March! Abide these long days with us, and show us the wonder of your own beauty. Even in the late days of cold, snow, ice, and sleeping lands, let us know of you in such measure that we cannot contain it within ourselves! Yes, March! Bring us from the dim darkness of blustry Winter wih the mere majesty of your newly created beauty. Amaze and astound us! Let us be consumed in your majesty. March on! Yes, March, bring us again to the land of the busy living things around us. Renew the sky, the clouds, and the rain. Yes, March. Show us your power and your splendor, your wonders and your creation. Prepare us for the incredible pallette that IS Springtime. Give us gentle, subtle hints of the magnificence yet to be seen. Yes, March! Shine with the hope of Winter gone! Yes. March! In His Care, Budroe PS: I hope to make this a completely blue month. Would you commit with me to this goal? Work, each day, until you can see or experience one of the majesties of March. Link to your entry here, and we can share through your words the wonder that is March. Pass the link along to all of your friends. Let's celebrate the Month of March together! What say you? Will you? I will. Budroe |
I'll probably have at least a double post today. For one thing, I feel the Blog has been left wanting this month. Given that this is the shortest month of the year, that just doesn't sit well with me. For another thing, there have been breaking news stories of late that I have had feelings for, but have not yet written about.  Andrew Koenig (Son of Walter "Mr. Checkov" Koenig) Takes Own Life Michael Blosig (18 Year Old Son of Marie Osmond) Found Dead--Suicide Declared Chilean Earthquake, at 8.8, Among Most Violent on Record; Tsunami's Feared And, many other important news items for this month. I'm not certain which one(s) should be considered the most significant for the month, but there are several I would like to comment on. Why? Well, because I can, I guess. I am working on creating a March Contest, and am not certain which topic to go with. One has a contest whereby creative writing would create the personal holiday of your choice. The other is a creative writing contest about "Reviewing: How and Why I Do It!" Perhaps both? I'd be interested in your comments. Reviewing is an important part of my WDC life. Creating courses for members is another important part of my WDC life. I will admit to creating courses which do hold particular interest for me, but that is why I choose to share what I know of them with others. It's not an easy task, but it is a labor of love. Writing of my own is an important focus of my WDC life, too. With all the other writing or writing related activities that consume my daily life, the priorities are forever changing. The workbook for the upcoming new book/course is on the top of my list. It will be the easiest to complete, and needs to be published relatively soon in order to be available for purchase before the course actually begins in November. Website development continues, with the focus being on "down-sizing" the amount and locations of those websites that were created and "parked" for future use. That needs some time. As you can tell, this small portion of the project list, which does not include a majority of my daily responsibilities online, is growing. Is that good? Medically, things are at a quiet moment. Weekly labs, regular xrays are pretty much the current challenge. There is some talk of a possible move to Tennessee in the summer, but we will have to see about that. MedicAid is not a reality in Tennessee, and I cannot either qualify or afford personal medical care insurance. "TennCare" is broke, and have very few, and extremely strict signup requirements. As I am not pregnant, or have not been diagnosed with Cervical Cancer (one of the few, actually!) I will not have the availability of medical care there. That's a problem we are trying to deal with as my medical realities continue to progress. So, it appears as if there is sufficient fodder for the writer in the upcoming days. It is still Winter, and SADD is definitely in play, as well. Depression is great, and the sleep is bountiful. I am tired most of the time now, and am using machine (BiPap) to assist with my troubled sleep. Sara is really providing tons of care and support, as is my homecare worker, the agency, and my medical team. So, February has become the top of a large funnel. I will try to follow the drops through the funnel in March. I hope you will, too. One of the things of my daily life which I hope to be much more loyal to is my daily morning devotions and study. I have noticed the irregularily of it, and miss it. I will see about being regular for March. In the meantime, I remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| Who knew?? As I look back on the past few years, I can tell you that writing has been (and very definitely continues to be) a great therapy for me; none moreso than this little Blog. For those who question the wisdom of the vulnerability this Blog subjects the writer and its readers to, those who read and participate here do so voluntarily. There is a certain current which flows through the words found here that reminds me very much of a previous job I had. People may first come here on a whim, or comment because they are a writing friend. But, why do people return, time after time? I want to think it is because they find something here that they might not find anywhere else. Comfort, or acceptance, or even just a tidbit or two of friendship have all been given as a reason for continued participation on this continuing journey. Life happens here. Sometimes it is mine. But, sometimes it is the life of a friend or fellow journeyman that makes us all stop for a moment, and just BE here. Time travels, it seems in a distinct circle. Some go away for a time, yet I see them come back. That really makes me happy. They contribute so very much to this group of travelers. New friends have been made, and old friends return. Sadly, some have moved away from this journey for personal or other reasons. As amazing as it might seem, one of the reasons some of those friends have moved away is due to their own health. As you all know, we have lost dearly beloved members of late, many of whom were appreciative readers or contributors of this Blog. Their journeys complete, and their victories won, they have laid down the quill of ink and taken up the scroll of Gold. At least, that's the way I choose to look at things. I miss them. I also remember them, every time I dare put fingers to words. Their lives resonate here. That is a good thing. Some friends, I find at different places on the internet, surprised to see them. Others remain distant and quiet, lurking yet letting me feel their presence when sometimes I need it so very much. I am attuned to my own needs, and feel a sense of loss every time I cannot make a day (or a month) blue. I want so badly to have something to say, yet it is in the hour of the "golden silence" sometimes that the most is said. Thankfully, it has not yet been an occasion of "the long night of the soul", but there have been a few times when I thought it might be for me. So, having considered and pondered, muddled and puzzled about this, I have decided that those who answer the question have best the right to be correct. More than any other comment, it is the " therapeutic value" that wins the poll. That's just fine with me, and I am glad that some can find healing therapy here. It's not mine, but it surely is welcome any time, to any reader (or writer), for any reason. "Life happens here." That's about my favorite comment of all. Yes, life happens here. In every conceivable color, timbre, texture and quality. I think I love that the very best of all. In the process, I do remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| Don't sweat it. It's just small stuff. I'm going to go for quality over quantity. I'm going to root for the Colts today. I am going to edit some today, too. But, with all due and required apologies to all whom I may offend, I'm gonna sleep as long as I want to today. Next week will be a busy one for me, and Sara will be here by mid-week, if all (and the weather) goes according to plan. Her birthday is on February 9th. Budroesgirl is a member here, as I'm sure you all know by now. She keeps tabs on me, and keeps me honest. Farmville has been a great distraction for me, but it is waning in my willingness to participate. I'm getting up into the levels now, and the more I advance, the less I can do without paying dollars to play. I know it's cheaper than therapy, but still I have a sense of basic unfairness about that. I'm not even absolutely sure why I feel that way. But, if it's free, it should stay free. Facebook is undergoing constant change now, and I hear there are notions afoot to begin charging a nominal fee ($ 3.99/mo USD) to use it. Is it worth it? Yes, when I look at the charges for this very site--if you are looking for social internet interaction. No, if you are disabled, living on a fixed income. Pennies add up, as the previous few months have shown me. I've kind of gone crazy over the past few months. I could fill a blog just on that! I won't. Basics only for a while now. I've spent my plunder. I have what I need, and have even been privileged to have some things that I want. I can't get "above my raisin'", after all. I need to remember that if I want to have things in the short term future that I want. I'll be well if I keep my eye on the prize. (Financially, anyway.) It has been a good diversion to feel like something other than a patient for at least a little while. I will admit that my silence here is usually a good indication of my feelings about my medical stuff. Trimming back for good reasons makes me feel differently than "having" to. It's like looking at a prison cell, knowing that there will come a day when you are going back into that cell, and you very well may not come back out. I know it sounds silly, but that's how it feels. It's kind of hard to enjoy the light of day from a prison exercise yard, ya know? So, some days not Blue, while meaningful, are not an indication of laxity or dallying. Sometimes, you just have to do the things that people do when they are alive. Else, why bother? Have a legendary week. I hope your team wins. I hope you write new words, every day this week. I will be here, In His Care, Budroe |
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