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Who am I, Where am I Going, and Where have I been? The story of my life!
Jan 11, 2007

Today, I start attempting to keep one of my goals this year. To write daily. A little about me. I'm a 35 year old mother of 2, married for almost 15 years. I live in urban Indiana and currently stay at home and am a full time student. What makes me different from anyone else? Not much. lol...I have a strange sense of humor. I love to read. I love to sing. I like to play online. I lost both of my parents 6 years ago. Each year things get easier, except in a way they also get harder. Only somone who has been there will have any clue what I mean.

Why am I here? I feel compelled to write. A few years ago my husband and I took a bible study course at church called Disciple 1. Awesome Awesome study. 34 weeks, 80% of the bible. At the begining we had to discuss why we were there...my pat answer was to learn more abou the bible. Funny thing was, in the end, I'd learned a whole lot more. I learned I could have a personal relationship with God. I learned alot of things. I learned about spiritual gifts....and in the end of that study, we had to get up and give a testimony about our time in disciple and what we had learned....my first entry will be that testimony I shared with our congregation that day...the only changes I've made are to remove names.

My plan for this journal/blog is to just talk about me, my daily life, my kids, and whatever God puts on my heart. Pray for me that I may be obedient in this.

Check out these links! Pleeeease :)

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I look forward to touching base with whomever stops in....

God's blessing on you

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May 3, 2009 at 10:24pm
May 3, 2009 at 10:24pm
May 3, 2009

This has been a wonderful weekend for our family. And then...I get online to come here and share...and discover that someone, someone who wishes to remain unknown has once again blessed me with a 3 month upgrade. Whomever you are..thank you. You have no idea how much WDC and all of you mean to my sanity...lol....I've tried other blogs...it's just not the same--it doesn't even flow the same. :)

Now--to share the weekend.

My kids were off on Friday. I spent my day doing schoolwork--I have finals this coming week and was finishing up a final composition in one class, answering discussion board questions in another and in general just trying to prepare. We went and ate lunch with Mike and then I came home and did some more. Friday evening we just hung out, watched tv, and our neighbors who just moved came back to visit--with their new puppy. It was a wonderful thing.

Saturday day was fairly laid back--ate breakfast, ate lunch, went to Walmart and ran into a friend from our old church. Came home and hung out some more. After laying on the hammock/swing/glider with my hubby we got up and went to the ball park for a parent/child scrimmage game with Cassy's team. We had a blast! A 2 hour game--Jamie even got to play. And then we had a cook out with all of them, and then another scrimmage--I didn't play in the 2nd one--but Mike, Cassy, and Jamie did and they were all on the same side. I sat and talked to a couple of moms. Discovered some amazing women who also struggle with children who have issue and special needs--and girls in middle school and all the fun that can be...lol. These families were so good with my son--despite the fact that he was not paying attention in the field, fell apart easily and in general was just so much younger than anyone else that it was hard to fit him in. For the first time since we moved (this is our second school year here) we felt like we belonged--we felt like we were accepted by other parents--and win or lose--this will be the best ball season we've had in a good long while. Though we are all different economically and in religious or parenting beliefs or whatever...we all seemed to mesh and that was such a wonderful feeling. I felt so much hope.

Today was also good. We didn't make it to church--we had planned to go back to our old church to visit but when we woke up--Mike couldn't move--he was sooooo sore. He said he would do it again in a heartbeat though. This afternoon we went to the indoor pool and he soaked and relaxed. We swam, played around and enjoyed ourselves as a family. We took Cassy to youth group, went to eat (without her because they get fed at youth group) and then took Jamie to the park across from the church until it was time to pick her up. Came home and hung out on the swing with Mke while Jamie played with friends. The kids are now in bed, Mike's snoozing on the couch and tomorrow we go to Riley---hopefully to find some answers for my son. I have great hope for tomorrow. I also have a lot of nerves...please say some prayers that we will find some answers tomorrow---or at least be headed towards the right road. For his sake, for our sake, for all of us.

I will try to get in tomorrow and share what we learned. If not, I will be in Tuesday--after final exams...YIKES...that's a prayer request right there too. I"m not doing as well this semester as I like (OK, let me clarify..right now I have 3 A's and a B....but 2 of the A's are low A's...and the B is fairly high.. I really need all A's if I can swing it--I'm gunning for a scholarship that i Have to apply for in the fall...that goes by gpa and financial need....and will pay for the remainder of college when I transfer to the 4 year program at St. Mary's. It too is in God's hands...but I'm trying to do Him, and myself proud.

Well, I Have to get things together for tomorrow. Sending hugs and prayers to you all.

thanks for stopping in
April 20, 2009 at 8:54pm
April 20, 2009 at 8:54pm
April 20, 2009

I know many of you have probably said the same thing...but this blog really is therapeutic for me. I've missed being here and while I'm not sure I"ll have the cash in June to finance another three months or more....I'm sure going to try. I've tried opening 2 other blogs...and they just don't seem to work as well for me. I like it here.

Big sigh.

Ok, I'm going to vent. I know I've shared in the past (even last week) about the issues with my son. This weekend has been rough. He's turning more and more frustrated and angry--was hitting himself, pushed me, hit his dad and is falling apart. We dealt with the issues individually....because especially hitting himself, his dad, and pushing me are completely unacceptable in this house.

Yesterday evening he was crying at the drop of a hat.

So, after discussing it with my husband--we decided it was time to call the psychiatrist back and request he be weaned off one of his meds--he's on two. Both for adhd...because the one wasn't doing anything for the hyperactivity. I wasn't happy with it in the beginning and I'm not thrilled with the psychiatrist..w.e've had some issues and once I get him into Riley , I will be changing psychiatrists. PRONTO.

Regardless--Straterra, the med that I feel needs to go bye-bye has a long list of side affects and things to watch for--aggressiveness and change in moods are two of them. While his moods are always on and off...the truth is I've seen more tears, frustration and falling apart in the last couple of weeks...and the anger this weekend is very uncharacteristic. So I called.

He called me back--at least this time it didn't take 2 DAYS. And while he doesn't feel that the straterra is the cause of his anger and tears, he's willing to take him off. We'd discussed weaning him off after school let out anyway--he's not gained any weight in 10 months. But now he's telling me that he doesn't need to be weaned I can just take him off the straterra...no problem.

I've read and heard otherwise and will be calling the pediatrician for her opinion and support tomorrow.

I don't have any answers and would love some. But I'm sure not getting any from them.

Your thoughts and opinions appreciated..but be nice cause I've already been through the ringer once today.

hugs and blessings
April 16, 2009 at 4:35pm
April 16, 2009 at 4:35pm
If my family figures out I'm on here, they will want something!


I know, I've been MIA for 3 months. I didn't even know some lovely person gifted me with 3 months of an upgrade...a month a go...so thank you for that, whomever you are!

I really want to be positive but I"m not feeling real positive.

I'm in a mood.

It's not a good one.

I know I have everything to be greatful for...but right this minute I'm just not there...and I don't know why.

Could it be the rockiness of hubby's job..not to mention the butthead who is making his life not so much fun there?

Could it be the attitude and snipeyness of my 12 year old daughter, who thinks the world is supposed to run just for her?

Could it be that the stress of not knowing what's going on with my very sweet but extremely hyperactive six year old has finally taken it's toll?

Could it be that the never ending homework assignments, due dates, and the like have worn my very thin rope to a frazzle?

Yes. and No.

I just have a bad attitude and need to adjust it. I've let all of those things get deep inside and make me want to fall apart. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm frazzled, I want to have some fun. I miss having some peace and quiet---and I will get a little of that after I finish this semester of school--about 2 weeks before my children get out.

Probably the biggest issue on my plate is my little man. He was diagnosed a year ago with ADHD. It's not ADHD--at least not ADHD alone. On May 4th we will be going to Riley Children's Hospital to see a group of specialists...to rule out autism. I don't think he's autistic--I've known other children diagnosed with autism and even for those who are higher functioning....he just doens't seem to fit........but I'm pretty sure it's not just ADHD...too many sensory issues. He never stops....and it's never quiet. He chews on his clothing...ALL THE TIME...says it helps him to concentrate. He's emotional, must have routine....doesn't like noise unless he's making it. This semester has been tough because of all of that. His teacher--sees no problems. She's pretty sure it's all my problem--they see nothing..not even the ADHD but he's only there 2.5 hrs a day...and......of course, he's on meds...but they don't seem to work at home...another story....cause I could be here for 10 years if I start on all that. He's doing well academically and for that I'm greatful. Extremely.

I think I'm going to go sit on my porch swin gand try to relax. Then I"ll try to get back in here and catch y'all up on us...and catch up with all of you.

God is Good.

hugs and blessings
January 14, 2009 at 9:56pm
January 14, 2009 at 9:56pm
Jan 14, 2009

I have been a member of this site for 2 years and enjoy it greatly. Since starting school I have been here less and less--and miss it alot and feel guilty about not being here more. Part of that guilt is for friends I feel like I'm not supporting--and part of it is money spent on my upgraded membership--my money or gifts from others. I have struggled and struggled and prayed and have decided to let my upgraded membership go at the end of the month. I will still be around..will still comment and will place writing in my portfolio--but while striving for a 4.0 or as close as I can get--I just don't have the time to spend here that I want to have if I'm going to use the services of an upgraded membership. Perhaps by dropping the upgrade I will feel a little less guilt and be able to visit more often instead of having to decide whether to spend 15 minutes posting, reviewing, reading, commenting etc.

Feel free to visit me at my new online (free) blog on vox at http://walkingthroughthefire.vox.com/

I can't promise it will be much more active than this one has been but we shall see.

Thank you for all of your love, support, wisdom and knowledge. From all of you I have learned to love reviewing--and how to give a good one. Because of all of you (and those in my life off screen) I have felt supported throughout my educational journey. Because of WDC I have realized that I have potential as a writer and am following that dream--I may be unpublished but I'm still a writer.

Thank you for all you have given me...and know I will still be around...just probably not on the blogs much.

sending hugs and blessings--and a promise I will be back before the 31st.

love ya

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January 1, 2009 at 1:09am
January 1, 2009 at 1:09am
Jan 1, 2009

Happy New Year to you and yours. May it be blessedly peaceful, safe, and prosperous. Know that y'all are in my thoughts and prayers.

sending hugs and best wishes from cold Indiana
December 29, 2008 at 1:27pm
December 29, 2008 at 1:27pm
December 29, 2008

Life has been so nuts!!! The semester is over--the new one starts Jan 12 and it promises to be equally as nuts. I'm scheduled for 4 online classes: Biology, Philosophy, Technical Writing, and graphic design (or something like that.) I managed all A's this past semester and was recently notified I won a scholarship I applied for that is a collaboration between Ivy Tech (my college) and the Indiana Pacers. Tomorrow night my husband and I will be going to a Pacers game where I will receive the scholarship...nervous and exciting. Thanks to my neighbor who will be watching my kids since I only get 2 tickets for the game.

The kids are doing well--we had a very nice Christmas especially thanks to some Christmas angels. Many many smiles on Christmas morning.

My kids are home for another week--then I get a week before I start back to classes and I'm hoping to get some writing done with no distractions.

So far, I've just been sleeping in until the kids get up, trying to clean up and straighten up around here and hanging out with the kids. This evening my husband and son are having a guys night and Cassy and I will have a girls night...go spend some gift cards and have dinner together.

I've really been struggling with church--the church we've been going to for several months (because of the move) just doesn't really fit--though the kdis are happy. The churches we had tried before didn't work for any of us...and we desperately (especially me) miss our old church family and friends. Yesterday I went to a celebration of life at our old church--one of our members passed away after having struggled for years with kidney disease, a transplant and rejection, and mulitple other issues--she was 57. She had a love of the Lord and a strong faith--and it made me a little sad that I didn't know her better--I kept her at arm's length, mostly because of her illness--to get close and lose her would have crushed me--being around her and her similarity to my mom (whose been gone almost 7 years) was just too much. And yet it is my loss that I don't share more of a bond with her--since I chose not to be much more than an aquaintence. I did try a couple of times but it was more than I could do.

Being there yesterday, hugging and visiting made me realize how much I miss that part of our family. It's not that I expect the new church to be exactly as the old one...but no one has really tried to get to know us..and yes, we should be involved and trying too...and we havne't much...but it's just the feeling in teh air, if that makes sense to anyone. Cassy loves the youth group and being involved...but I don't even want to go because it makes me lonlier yet...most of my friends were through church, school, or ball...and many times were from 2 or 3 of those. The old church is less than an hour away...it may be time, with gas prices lower, to drive back and forth again...I don't know...it's a struggle...and a conversation my beloved and I must have.

Well, I need to hop in the shower and then do some laundry. I will be back on over the next couple of weeks before school starts back up again....I'm proud of myself--my gpa is like a 3.83 or so...I'm doing well.

Thanks for stopping in...
love and hugs
December 26, 2008 at 10:50pm
December 26, 2008 at 10:50pm
Dec 26, 2008,

I promise that no later than Monday I will be in here to tell how things are and share the joys in my life. It's been crazy--Christmas yesterday, today and tomorrow. I'm in the door and headed to bed....it will probably be Monday but I shall return!!!
hugs, hope everyone had a blessed Christmas!
December 3, 2008 at 11:11am
December 3, 2008 at 11:11am
Dec 3, 2008

Thanks to RAOK I'm upgraded for another 2 months!!!

Things here are crazy. I"m in the final 2 weeks of the semester with exams and 4 papers due. Can't play today but I'll be back after the semester is over.

Hope all is well with you
November 9, 2008 at 9:49pm
November 9, 2008 at 9:49pm
Novemeber 9th, 2008

As much as I hate to have it happen, it looks like I will be closing out my blog here over the next week...and lowering my portfolio....I can't afford the upgrade right now and it runs out on the 15th. I've requested help from RAOK but it's no guarantee. I don't have time to earn the gp's until Christmas vacaction--I have 5 papers due in the next month, one of them 8-10 pages, one of the 12-15 pages, the othes are minimal comparatively speaking....as well as a final exam and a few other tests, quizzes etc. Once Christmas vacation gets here I can rate and review, enter some contests etc...but I just can't take the time right now and money is extremely tight.

I guess I'm going to start a free blog somewhere..but I'm not sure about it...I don't know how or where I will...and I'm not sure I feel as safe...I will have to check into it all....and spend some time trying to remove some of the stuff from my port that won't fit.

I've enjoyed spending time with ya'll...and will still come and visit and check in your blogs...but I can't assume I'll get the upgrade and then lose everything.

It's been great...I'll be back before Sat to let y'all know what I'm doing.
October 29, 2008 at 4:06pm
October 29, 2008 at 4:06pm
Hi all...wanted to give you an update on how things were going here.

If you haven't read my post from last week you will want to look at it for this to make sense--Falling apart and nowhere to go--or something like that...lol

We took Jamie off his meds last Tuesday. He was happy happy boy. He was also a bouncing ball who wouldn't or couldn't focus and impulse control was out the door. Except for the 2.5 hours of school--there he was fine. I swear his teacher thinks I'm making it all up.We started him back on teh meds on Friday...I feel guilty about it but I just couldn't take it anymore.

I emailed his teacher after a phone call today telling me he's extremely emotional and has been the last two days--and to save time will just copy most of it here....as the info I would share is mostly the same.

"Jamie is a bright and wonderful little boy who is full of energy and fun. I feel like when we have discussed his ADHD that I have come across as wanting the medication so that things will be easier at home...especially since there doesn't seem to be a focus issue at school Please know that the medication is one of the tools we work with and that there is discipline and interaction at home. I'm aware some of what we experience--not following rules, distractibility, impulse control etc, are typical for a kindergarten boy. Some of it will change as he matures. I don't have a problem keeping a close eye on him--but especially before medication--knowing he was safe when playing outside with his friends and wasn't going to run into the street or hit someone and hurt them was a huge issue. I'm thrilled and amazed he has no social issues at school and is getting along well with others because when he's playing outside at home (we live in an apartment--he mostly plays on the porch and in the grassy area and sidewalk within my line of sight) there are meltdowns and frustrations that lead to yelling and the other kids leaving--and then Jamie melting down some more because they have left. Getting him to focus in the evenings to sit down and eat dinner or get ready for bed is difficult--everything seems to distract him. AGain we are working on a behavior system (magnet/marble reward system) to help with some of it...I know that medication is only a portion of the answer--and it is the portion of the answer I am least comfortable with--I didn't want him on it and didn't want to have him diagnosed at this point--but I also wanted to be proactive and have him ready for school so that he can learn and grow with as few of the issues ADHD brings to the school years as possible.

The smiles we saw on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were wonderful...and one of the biggest reasons we took him off the medication--I want my happy little guy who enjoys life with gusto back. I also know that once off the medication he quit focusing on playing--building with his legos, drawing, coloring, creating--and just spent most of his time running around, bouncing off the walls and getting in to things he knows he's not supposed to. When we put him back on the medication it seemed to flip a switch--in one morning he sat down and colored a bunch of pictures--cutting and gluing and creating and made a book that we stapled together and he titled...it made him so proud (and he did a great job)....He came home from school and created an indian head dress and a "twin" friend that's half as tall as he is by cutting circles into several pieces of paper and then gluing and coloring and stapling (which I did for him.) The next morning he sat and played with his cars, moved on to some other toys, and we read some stories. I don't care if he plays with toys, creates, or builds, whether we read stories or go outside and play or blow bubbles--I am thrilled that he focuses in school and is able to learn and get along with his friends--absolutely thrilled. I was really worried that school would be an issue and he'd have problems. That he isn't having problems is one of the bright spots of this journey with adhd.

I love my children and choose to stay home so that I can be here for them before and after school. I am also full time student and have to have certain times for studying and doing homework. Regardless, I am available any time you need to talk to me...or any time something comes up with Jamie or if there is a need for a volunteer in the classroom (which I did last year with his preschool class. My husband and I, as well as his therapist and case manager are all working with Jamie to find ways to work around the problems we have--coming up with tools (like raising his hand instead of interrupting--which has been a huge issue in the past). I know that his ADHD is not extreme and that we are blessed. He is a bright and articulate little guy who is sweet and loving. We want only what is best for him. Unless his medication is changed before tomorrow I will not be giving him the current medication--emotionally it's not worth it."

I'm waiting on a call back from the psychiatrist...I don't know what he's going to do..but focalin xr is obviously not the answer. Something has to be...I wish she could see how he is off the meds --wish they dealt with some of what I do when he's off the meds...makes me feel so fricking much like I'm doing it for me, not him and that is the furthest thing from the truth!!!

I'll let you know what I find out.


October 20, 2008 at 2:13pm
October 20, 2008 at 2:13pm
October 20, 2008

I'm copying and pasting what I wrote at my adhd online support group...I don't have the energy and emotional ability to rewrite it all.

ignore the blue lines if they show up...it's from copying and pasting...they have it where you can click on certain words and it will take you to advertising or whatever.

I've been in a few times...but not a lot. My life is crazy and sometimes I don't know wheher I'm coming or going.

To give some background info--my 5 year old son Jamie was diagnosed with ADHD, primarily hyperactive and impulsive in June of this year. He was started on adderall xr 5mg then upped to 10mg. At first it was amazing...focus and playing with his toys and starting to make friends and being a happy energetic little boy. School started, and so far no issues in the classroom which I find amazing. Then out of the blue he started having 6-8 meltdowns a day..big ones...just crying and screaming..but we couldn't refocus him, couldn't reason with him, ignoring it didn't stop it...it just had to run its course. This went on for a couple of weeks and then had an appt with the psychiatrist--who changed his meds. Jamie sees a therapist, a psychiatrist, and has a case manager...yet I get very little support--as far as ideas for working with him, when to intervene in his interactions with other kids (so as to prevent outbursts and violence) etc.

Anyway, about 6 weeks ago, when we were in the psych's office he changed his med from the adderall 10 mg xr to focalinxr 5mg for two weeks then upped it to focalin xr 10mg. At first, it was amazing. The meltdowns stopped and he was focused. Then, I started noticing things. Before diagnosis he would make noises with his mouth...a lot. That started up again when it had been gone on the adderall...and if you ask Jamie why he will tell you it makes him happy. His appetite is down...he's only 45.5 lbs...and like 45 inches tall...and in the afternoons we have no focus and bounce of the walls and is really loud. Now about 2 weeks ago or a little less, he started getting very emotional. Not like the meltdowns (which could happen because he didn't get his way or because his shoes felt funny or because things didn't go the way he thought they would) This is usually because he gets his feelings hurt or something isn't done the way he wants ...he's sad. A lot. And it breaks my heart.

Today he had an appt with the psych again. I'm not happy where we are...but I dont' know where to turn. They weighed Jamie and said he was teh same weight and we need to watch his appetite. Then we discussed all the changes. The psychiatrist believes the sadness is not a major depression but a side affect of the medication...yet in order to get us through the evenings he has prescribed a booster dose of 5mg focalin xr. He says that he could try him on Tenex instead of focalin but Tenex does nothign for focus...just for the impulsivity and hyperactivity. And that it has contra indications for low blood pressure and that jamie's blood pressure was low the first time he took it.

I want him off the focalin if it's causing sadness not add more....Tenex scares me....becasue of the heart issue...and the sadness concerned the psych. I just dn't know what to do anymore...I don't know where else to take him--don't want to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire

I think that tomorrow he will be going off meds until I get this figured out. I don't feel like it's fair to him to give him no focus at school but I also don't like him being sad all the time...he's always been such a happy little guy. I can't exchange one for the other...it's not flipping fair to him.

Suggestions welcome

October 13, 2008 at 9:23pm
October 13, 2008 at 9:23pm
October 13, 2008

And the week looks to be pretty ugly too!

I'll try to get back in soon.

October 10, 2008 at 4:39pm
October 10, 2008 at 4:39pm
October 10, 2008

What is it about bad news that makes everyone else want to be the first to tell you? Several of the older elementary school kids that live in the building next to us get off on the other side of the complex and cut across the playground. It's actually a faster trip than the bus makes, so I understand why. But Jamie's not old enough to do that--not old enough to get off the bus without an adult there...and so I have to wait for the bus to make it's slow way around the complex. Today while I was waiting and talking to one of my neighbors, one of those kids( a 4th grader Jamie regularly plays outside with) came running across the park...to inform me that the bus driver wanted to talk to me and tell me about something Jamie had done on the bus. I just looked at him and told him that then if she had something to tell me, she would....and ignored him...I get that Jamie did something...but I don't need to hear about it through the rumor mill.

So when the bus pulled up I was the first parent at the door. The bus driver actually got out of her seat and climbed down the steps...oh Lordy--just great...we've not had ANY trouble so far this year, but I've rather been waiting for the other shoe to drop because you are placing a highly impulsive 5 year old boy on the bus with little to no supervision...something is going to happen. But I digress.

She informed me that he had flipped off the entire bus. I looked at her dumbfounded. Jamie doesn't have a clue what it would mean if he did..and it's not something he sees around here...so it's something he's had to pick up from an older kid. I told her he didn't know...and that I would talk to him about it. She, well meaning, leans down to talk to him about it herself...tells him that's not a nice thing to do and that he shouldn't ever do it again, and my sweet, impulsive, and VERY sensitive little guy bursts into tears. I just got him calmed down and he's been in the house 40 minutes.

Apparently he was sitting with 2 older boys (one of them the lovely child that wanted to be the first to tell me) and the other boy told him to shut up...he has a tendency to yawn very loudly...and he was, apparently annoying them. Jamie says he wanted to tell them how old he was, and the one boy held up four fingers on one hand at Jamie--(in my opinion to flip Jamie off without flipping him off)--and Jamie held up his middle finger at him...and the other boy.

He's only 5, he has ADHD-impulsivity and hyperactivity. He's only doing what he's seen SOMEWHERE--and it wasn't here. (Though will I readily admit that if he'd said GD or SOB, I'd have to take credit.:)

Anyway, I'm very upset about it all....and so is he. We will see what daddy has to say.

Cassy is getting ready to leave for a weekend youth retreat...I think Jamie needs some extra loving on this weekend.

sending hugs
October 9, 2008 at 12:35pm
October 9, 2008 at 12:35pm
October 9, 2008

I am a slacker here..but trust me, my life has been nuts. Between school (mine), Mike's birthday party yesterday, the kids education and things going on there, dealing with a little boy who has ADHD--trying to adjust meds, attitudes, behaviors..and a psych who is driving me nuts. It's all a bit overwhelming at times. So let me give you a little update.

Jamie first. Jamie was diagnosed with ADHD in June..which I probably wrote about here. It wasn't a big surprise but is frustrating none the less. He is a sweet little boy with a wonderful personality. He gets along well with most people, one on one. Unfortunately, in groups, of 2 or more he has a tendency to get frustrated and strike out or melt down. Not all the time...and he's actually doing a little better (praise God and knock on wood.) We are on med number 2-dose change #4 over all..not bad for 5 months I guess. We started out on Adderall XR 5mg...ended up at 10---there just was not enough there..though we did see some increased focus which was nice. He went from being a little boy who never sat still to play to a creative little boy who would sit down and build with his legos, K'nex, etc...and enjoy it. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of Adderall is increased irritibility. And boy did we end up it! We also struggled with lack of appetite--and while Mom and dad can both stand to skip a meal or two Jamie can not...at almost 6 he's only 45 lbs and holding. So because of the five times a day meltdowns that were turning ugly the psychiatrist-who is the process of being replaced because I"m tired of being treated like I have no brains and can get no help from him other than medications...changed his med to focalin 5mg. We saw an almost instant change from the irritability and have had no meltdowns since the change in meds....PRAISE GOD!!! Unfortunately 5mg had him not focusing much again and he was changed to 10mg after 2 weeks. So far, he's doing ok. He's calmer, far less irritable, still high energy but not in an uncontrolled way --playing outside and going to the pool help immensly. The downside is we are back to dealing with decreased appetite and now the constant noises (clicking his tongue, swishing spit, other mouth noises not associated with playing) are back--this is something we dealt with before diagnosis that had gone away. We aren't sure if it is a tic from the med or what to do about it...his therapist doesn't know either but OMG is it ever annoying! LOL...still I'll take the noises over the meltdowns any day of the week. He is doing well at school thus far, is learning and happy for the most part. He'd rather watch tv or play at home than go to school but doesn't resist going. He's a bit on the defiant side, but again, not something I can't handle at this point...he also enjoys annoying his sister to no end...which is typical but no less annoying because of it.

Cassy-besides being regularly annoyed is doing fairly well. Fall softball season is almost over...they done decently but not great. However, she's learned alot and I've seen more growth in this fall season that in the spring. She and Jamie both are going to be joining swim teams through the aquatic center locally. I think it will be good for both of them. Normally she plays basketball in the winter but during spring season in softball and again in PE at the start of the school year she sprained her ankle...now she has a torn ligament and is in a brace...by the time she's out of it she will have been in it and on treatment for 2 months...if not more. Basketball just wasn't a good choice for her right now. She's still in PE but on restricted activity which I'm sure thrills the PE teachers--considering she can't run, can't play contact sports, can't work out on the weight or cardio equipment that work the legs. Still, she's covered under a doctor's note. Her grades in all of her classes are good--with 7 classes she has 4 A's, 2 almost A's (high b's--may be A's before the end of the grading period) one B that if she's not careful may be a C before the end of the grading period. She likes school, is adjusting to middle school, but hates getting up so early. Even though she has good grades she is still struggling...those good grades are because of some very hard work--and I'm very proud of her. Her two big struggles are math and spelling. Both lead to great frustration and sometimes tears. She is being tested (at her own request) for help with special services. I've been told she's not the typical special ed student, and while I get that, this is a bright child who reads at a high school level that has trouble spelling words a second grader can spell....and yet, some of the bigger words are no problem. She spells phonetically and I don't know how to help her make the transition for those words that don't follow any rules.
Anyway, she's doing pretty well, is going on retreat with her youth group this weekend and looking forward to it. She had a slumber party for her birthday and we all survived. Even dad who doesn't do well with all the noise.

Mike's doing pretty well...we celebrated his birthday yesterday--with a mini surprise party. He's the light of my life and the joy in my heart. He is struggling right now with work, things are going real well and we are trying to find him another job--just in case the company goes under--which looks imminent.

I'm busy, busy, busy. School is overwhelming. Trying to manage everything for school that is due in one week sometimes is daunting but so far so good. I'm enjoying most of my classes and am thankful I can take my classes online again this semester. I won a family membershipt to the aquatic center and we have just started going to water aerobics twice a week. It's been good and it's been fun.

Prayer requests: Please keep my sister in your prayers as she awaits results from 2 polyps and 2 biopsies taken from a colonoscopy the other day...in an attempt to discover why she is having so many GI problems. Keep us both in your prayers as we head towards mom's birthday...it may have been 6.5 years but it's still no easier. Please pray for mike's job, my schooling, and my kids' different issues. Please pray for this country as we try to make the best decision in the upcoming election--and pray for our troops no matter where they are.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers as well...and I'll try to get back in again soon
September 16, 2008 at 5:33pm
September 16, 2008 at 5:33pm
September 16, 2008

Hello...sorry I've been MIA for so long. I have no good excuse except life has been busy.

This time 12 years ago I was somewhat unaware of how much my life was getting ready to change. I didn't know that in less than an hour my obstetrician would send me directly to the hospital without going home--which was only 5 minutes the other direction. I didn't know that in less than an hour I would be sitting in a hospital room, waiting to have my water broken and electrodes attached to my unborn child's head. I didn't know that in a fit of stubbornness that would herald of things to come that child would refuse to be born for more than 30 hours...8 of them hard labor.

My oldest child, Cassy will be twelve tomorrow--officially not until 10:45pm, but she we will reach that last year of tweeness and grow closer towards adulthood.

Cassy is a wonderful, intelligent and beautiful girl. She has a heart filled with compassion. She is creative and funny and athletic. Like me, she loves to sing and she loves to read--she also is a bit naive and rather sensitive--just like me. Like her father she has an odd sense of humor, an unabound strength of character and a desire to help those who need it most--also like her father she is stubborn, strongwilled, perfectionist in tendency and right most of the time.

She is the child who at 2 1/2 informed her grandfather "gampa, that show is not appwopwiate for me" and for whom my mother sewed dress after dress becasue that was Cassy's favorite thing to wear at the time. She learned to read the year before kindergarten, learned to add and subtract too...but still at twelve struggles to spell and write legibly-the latter because she's impatient the former because, as her fourth grade teacher so sisinctly put it, spelling is her achilles heel.

For years, she wanted a younger sibling--and while I was pregnant she wanted a baby brother-a thing I was greatful for since I didn't think our home could handle two princesses. She now swears she wanted a little sister and would gladly, most of the time, send her little brother back from where he came.

Cassy was the best sleeper--other than the first night she came home from the hospital-it didn't matter when I put her down for the night, she'd sleep for 12 hours straight (after about the first 6 months). She took 2 two hour naps for the first 2 years of life and only changed it when I started working and daycare only allowed them to nap once a day. She still likes to sleep and man can you tell it if she doesn't get much sleep.

She's also been the most dramatic...and thinking ten years ahead when she wasthree I knew I was in trouble--between the attitude and the agility of mind she had.....let alone the vocabulary. But most of all I remember the smile she had-one I don't get very often without some other look or attitude behind it. That makes me a little sad.

But mostly, we have a great young woman with a smart brain, a great voice, who loves and is loved. I just have to keep reminding myself, on a daily basis, of what a good kid she really is...and she might live to survive the next 6-8 years.
Happy Birthday Sis!

August 13, 2008 at 12:58pm
August 13, 2008 at 12:58pm
August 13, 2008

At least for my kids it is. My oldest started middle school today. Huge building, combining of 3 elementary schools-new teachers except for one...I'm sure she will be fine...she's a good student and a good kid...now I know why she's had such an attitude problem the last couple of weeks...wish she would have told me sooner....I could've understood that.

Jamie, my youngest started kindergarten today. He's such a happy go lucky kid...makes friend easily, etc....I didn't know until 20 minutes before the bus pulled up that he was scared to death too...fell apart, had a meltdown...I didn't think I was going to get him on the bus. A call to daddy helped alot. He wasn't crying about school..he was crying about his shoes hurting, his mouth hurting...etc..and even suggested not going today..that's when I realized what the problem was. He was much calmer when the bus got here. I hope the day goes well..but his nerves are fried, the adhd doesn't help...he doesn't like change...they may be in for a day...well half day...I hope not though. I'm hoping that since he was calm getting on the bus he'll be ok.

I'm doing ok...more worried about them both than anything. I'm crossing my fingers and saying much prayers.

I'll let ya know how it goes...
July 18, 2008 at 1:09pm
July 18, 2008 at 1:09pm
July 18, 2008


It's been nuts here. Between softball, camp, band etc...let alone swimming and the park things have kept us one the move...in a good kind of way. Casy is at camp--we will pick her up tomorrow. Jamie has had a friend spend the night the last two nights and I'm ready to run away...lol. He's had fun and I'm glad.

Things at Mike's work aren't going so well financially....it has a worrying more than a bit so if you could pray for us it would be appreciated. He loves his job and doesn't want to get laid off...they've already laid off about 10 people or so in the 7 months since the merger.

Well, thanks for stopping in. I'll try to be back sooner than next month...lol

Believe it or not I'm ready for school to start again...even mine.

June 18, 2008 at 11:41am
June 18, 2008 at 11:41am
June 18, 2008

Today is Wednesday. Jamie has been on meds for 6 days...not much chnage--in any direction. I guess we will see.

My leg is healing, though very slowly. I'm impatient for classes to start again-which is odd considering I was so ready for a break...but I don't seem to know what to do with myself (other than running the kids here and there...lol)

The flooding around here is a mess...luckily we were not personally affected but I know of people who were. Hope all of you have managed to stay high and dry...well high out of the water...not the other kind of high...:)

talk to you soon
June 12, 2008 at 2:45pm
June 12, 2008 at 2:45pm
June 12, 2008

Wow...what a month it has been since I was last here. First of all I need to that Nada for the reprieve for my upgrade membership until August...it's much appreciated!

Let's see. What has gone on. I made the dean's list 4 A's one B. I've entered two poems in a Writer's Digest contest...we'll see what happens. Cassy got her saxaphone and started band camp on Monday-for an 11 year old who's never touched an instrument other than a recorder she's doing pretty well. Her ball team is 7-0 and she hit a grand slam at the last game.

Jamie. Where to begin. My sweet, loving, happy go lucky little man has been diagnosed with ADHD. It is really no big surprise...but it saddens me a bit none the less. I know he still has the potential to be all he is intended to be and that with help we will make it through...but I'm lost at this point, not knowing which way to turn and how to navigate this system I am entering with him. Tball is over, thank God and was a nightmare. He will be trying soccer in teh fall..hopefully being able to run around and not being expected to stand in one place will help...an understanding coach who knows what expectations are developmentally appropriate and what is not would be helpful as well. Jamie starts kindergarten in the fall...he's not academically behind enough to qualify for all day kindergarten...though it is my opinion (and his preschool teacher's) that he needs it. I guess we'll see what happens.

Me...well I fell on Sunday...long story..and ended up in the ER (via an ambulence no less). My leg is not broken, thankfully..but is still swollen and boy am I colorful.:) It is getting better and easier to get around..though being on it..or even in a chair for too long...makes the swelling worse.

Cassy has a friend coming to her game with us and to spend the night...I will take them both to band in the morning and then she'll come back with us for a while to our house until her mom gets done with some errands. She's a good kid and has spent the night before.

We've been spending a lot of time at the library and the programs they offer as well as the summer reading program. I've already read abuot 10 books or so ...which is awesome considering I haven't been able to read much other than textbooks for the last year because of school.

Well, my leg is starting to hurt and Jamie's case manager is due here shortly--this is something his therapist suggested..and I'm not sure if I like it or not.

See you soon.
Blessings and prayers
May 14, 2008 at 3:04pm
May 14, 2008 at 3:04pm
May 14, 2008

I sit, waiting for my grades. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I know all but one of them and know what it SHOULD be. Mostly I'm waiting on my English Professor's comments on my portfolio-I know I got a 99/100 on it, but I'm awaiting anxiously her respoonse to some of the writing I placed in my portfolio that she had never seen. I finished the semester (barring the class I don't have a grade in yet) with 3 A's and 1 B. The class I'm waiting on should also be an A. The B was in Algebra-I had an 89%, 90% was an A...did not make me happy..I busted my tail all semester-and it's been a rough one. I have cried more tears, questioned my calling, and turned away more than one person because of my attitude and stress level. If you are one of those I apologize completely and wholeheartedly.

I managed to round up enough gp's (thanks to all and sundry who shared with me) for another month's upgrade. I'm hoping I can manage to earn enough gp's... a month at a time for now. I just don't have the funds otherwise.

Ball season is in full swing (no pun intended). Cassy has had practices only (though none in more than a week-long story and mom's not happy with the coach right now because of it). Jamie's had 2 rain outs, is supposed to make up one tonight-and it may get rained out again. He's having fun playing--sort of. Cassy's spring musical is Thursday night (the same night as her first game, unless it's rained out and I kind of hope it is-because we are doing the musical) Next Tuesday is the Talent show-she's one of 20 who are in it-she's going from the Talent show to her ball game-and hopefully back before it's over...lol..Jamie has a game that night too. Jamie's preschool graduation is Thursday night next week -they both have games that night too....lol. It's been nuts. He's done after that, she's out the 28th, band camp (daily band lessons for 6ht graders) starts June 9th, Jamie gets screened for all day kindergarten June 5th (cross your fingers this would really be good for him I think) and his ball season is over the end of May. Cassy's goes until the end of June-with tourney the week of the 23rd. She goes to camp in for 10 days-it's music camp-she went last year and loved it.

I'm taking off the summer...though I may end up having to find a job. I don't mind working and we need the money, it's more of an issue of childcare and the cost of it. Still, we'll figure it all out as we go I guess.

I entered 2 poems in a contest through Writer's Digest. Cross your fingers and say some prayers for me...it would be so awesome to place somewhere in teh top 100-though of course I'd love to win :)

We started going to a new church locally last week. We will try it out for a bit before making a decision but everyone was very nice, we felt welcomed, enjoyed the service and our time there. We will see what occurs.

Well, I'm just rattling. Little wound up, don't quite know what to do with myself (I should be cleaning). I will back later to check in.

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