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 |  Take a look into the world as I see it. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~  "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." ---Edgar Allan Poe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Traditional Gemini Traits Adaptable and versatile Communicative and witty Intellectual and eloquent Youthful and lively On the dark side.... Nervous and tense Superficial and inconsistent Cunning and inquisitive ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** LIKES  Talking Novelty and the unusual Variety in life Multiple projects all going at once ReadingDISLIKES Feeling tied down Being in a rut Mental inaction Being alone Liars** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I met a new friend that was possibly a new dating prospect lastnight. We mostly hung out and watched football. We ended up kissing and messing around a little bit. I don't think it will go any further than that. I just didn't feel those sparks with this guy that I instantly felt with Jerry when we met in person over four years ago. I am not sure if I will ever feel that familiar spark with anyone else ever again. Adam and I have just decided to be friends and hang out once in awhile. He didn't really feel a spark either. At least the feeling was mutual and didn't make us feel awkward. If it's anything I hate more, is an awkward situation. Adam wants just a strictly physical relationship with me. I am not so sure I want one of those. We both just got out of serious long-term relationships. If anything, this encounter from lastnight helped me realize that I am not ready for another serious relationship so soon. After all, it's only been five months since the break up. I miss having sex, but it isn't something I will die without if I don't get it. On the brightside, this little encounter that I had lastnight made me feel comfortable about seeing other men again. I no longer feel as though I am betraying Jerry. I know it sounds funny saying that, but it's the way I feel. It's just nice to have real human contact with someone other than a cat. I think that I will just casually date for awhile before plunging into another serious relationship. At least this way, I can see what else is out there. |
Look! I won a ribbon for my contest! 
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Hee hee.  Jerry may not have gone to jail lastnight, but he did have a run-in with the law today. He got pulled over for doing 47mph in a 15 mph school zone, and he also got cited for not having his registration on him. I was talking to my dad when Jerry's call came in. I told dad what had happened to Jerry today, and my dad seemed to get a big kick out of it because he laughed at Jerry's misfortune. Now Jerry will owe the police a total of $230 in fines. Serves him right for the way that he acted. Dad says that he better get used to the police being around if he continues to behave the way that he has been. Speaking of, when Jerry got home lastnight, I told him about the cops stopping by. He went ballistic, and automatically assumed that I was the one who did it. I told him that my dad did it, not me. He asked how my dad knew to call the police and I told him that when I called dad yesterday, dad heard all of the yelling and commotion that went on. So, my dad took it upon himself to look up the Cleawater Police Department on the internet and give them a call. Jerry also requested that I ask my dad to never call the cops again. When I called my dad, I told him of Jerry's request, and he just laughed, and said that he will call the cops if he wants to. Dad says that verbal/mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I have to agree with him on that. I told him how Jerry was trying to justify being an asshole and that it wasn't abuse. My dad said that was nothing but bullshit, and that it is abuse and no one deserves to be treated that way. I also told dad how Jerry said it wasn't any of his business what goes on in this house. Dad said, "Like Hell it isn't. When my daughters are being mistreated, it becomes my business." That is basically what I told Jerry lastnight. When I told Jerrry about the police stopping by he got all scared shitless, lol! He should be scared. Is what happened to Jerry today have anything to do with Karma? |
It has been an interesting day. It started off by Jerry calling me after getting to his first job, and asking me when he was supposed to be to his second job. I saw the times and I told him 5-11pm. The day went by uneventful and boring. Then at 4:30pm, Jerry comes bursting into the house in a funk, and told me that he may have lost his job because of me. Confused as all hell as to what he was talking about, I asked him how I was responsible for him losing his job. He threw his stuff, went into the bedroom and brought his schedule out to the livingroom. Apparently, I misread his schedule.  Below where it said, 5-11pm it said 2-5pm. I didn't see it immediately, until he got home and pointed it out. He was yelling and making threats toward me.He said, "You want to see abuse? I will show you fucking abuse!" He preceeded to scream at me at the top of his lungs, calling me names, and throwing stuff. Telling me that I was an incompetent idiot, and that I didn't have the basic instinct to survive.  I told him, "How about I call my dad and let him hear how evil you are being?" He said, "Why do you have to always drag your family into our problems?" I replied, "It becomes their business when you are being an abusive asshole!" He went on ranting, throwing fits, and still calling me names. I picked up the phone and called my father. Before I could say anything, dad heard all of the yelling, name calling and Jerry's threats at throwing me out of the apartment if he lost his job. I talked to my dad, and I told him to talk to Jerry. He told my dad that there wasn't anything wrong and then hung up on him. Jerry told me that I better pray that he gets to keep his job and that he doesn't get his hours cut. He finally left for work. I called my grandmother immediately after Jerry left and told her what had happened, and everything that Jerry said to me. She told me to call the police to find out about my rights as far as the lease to the apartment. I got off the phone and called the police and asked them what my rights were. I explained the situation, and they asked me if I was on the lease, and I told them that I wasn't sure. I told them that Jerry said that he took me off the lease. The officer told me that he can't just take me off of the lease, and that the landlords would have to do it, and to get me evicted they would have to go through the court system to get me evicted, which can take awhile and that it usually takes 90 days to allow me to vacate the premises. After I got off the phone I called my landlord and asked her if I was still on the lease. She told me that I was still on the lease and asked me if I was leaving. I told her not anytime soon. So I learned a couple of things this evening.......Jerry lied me about me not being on the lease, and I found out about my legal rights. I called my grandmother and told her what I had found out, then at the same time Jerry calls my cell phone from work appologizing for the way he acted. Yeah right. If he was truly upset at the way he acted, he wouldn't have done it in the first place. After I got off the phone with him, I continued my conversation with grandma and tried to talk to her, then I get an unexpected knock at my door. I looked out the window and saw a police car. I was thinking, 'Who called the police?" I opened the door and there was an officer standing there. The officer said, "Are you Nicole?" I said, "Yes." "We received a call from your mother. She said that a person by the name of Jerry was verbally and mentally abusing you. Are you alright?" I replied, "Yes. We got into a fight and he was yelling at me, calling me names and making threats." The officer replied, "Is Jerry there?" Then I replied, "No, he went to work." "Okay, call me if this happens again." I said, "Thank you for checking up on me." I closed the door and told my grandmother. I asked her if she was the one that called the police, and she told me 'no'. I got off the phone with her and had to get down to the bottom of this mystery as to who called the cops. I called my dad and asked him if he called my mother about the situation that had ocurred. He told me 'no' and that he was the one that called the police because no one fucks with his daughters. He told me that the police has it documented that Jerry is cruel and abusive. The police didn't bother to ask me where Jerry worked. If he had asked me I would have told him. Jerry doesn't know about the police visit. I will tell him that my father called the police on him. He is lucky that I didn't tell the police where he was working. The police officer was ready to take Jerry to jail when he showed up at the house. I am going to tell Jerry to consider himself warned. And, if he does it again, I will talk to the police and have him hauled off to jail. Then I will talk to my landlord and tell them about Jerry's abusive behavior, and have him evicted. I think that I am givng him a fair chance this time. Next time, he won't be lucky. Jerry and I have been broke up since May, and now we are just roommates. Just because I live here, doesn't give him the right to treat me the way that he has been. I have every right that he does to live here because I am still on the lease. I have a right to live in peace while I am still here. He thinks that he can't go to jail for domestic abuse if we aren't a couple. If that's the case, then the police would have never showed up at my door wanting to arrest him. |
 This article and picture just shows that people need to find more costructive ways to handle their spare time! http://news.yahoo.com/photo/071001/photos_od/2007_10_01t115129_304x450_us_safric... |
| I can't believe that I have already been on WDC for 2 years now. It doesn't seem that long ago. Time flies, that's for sure! |
| I just got a knock on my door from a family of Jehovah Witnesses. I didn't answer the door this time Iike I normally do. They creep me out. I am a Christian and have no desire to be a Jehovah Witness. I pretended that I wasn't home. I know it may seem rude, but I think people going door to door and disturbing others is more rude than not answering the door. |
| I am done trying. I hate this life and I don't want to be a part of the living anymore. My life sucks. I can't even get a job at a stupid retail store. Everytime I even try to hang onto a job long enough to even get a car, I get laid off or some stupid shit like that. I found out today that my dad won't let me live with him even for a short time because he doesn't have the room. I know for a fact that my grandparents don't have any room for me either. Jerry is treating me like crap and continues to see that whore that he met at the bar back in May. It makes me miserable because he has a life and I don't. He threatened to kick me out of the apartment, and I told him that if he did that, I would tell his family, friends, and other associates about his sleaze on the internet and what he did to me with sleeping with that bitch and me at the same time. He asked me if I would really waste all of that energy telling people about his personal life, and I told him "yes". If he hurts me, then I have the power to make him look bad. I am tired of being alive. What's the use in living if nothing turns out the way that it's supposed to? I am tired of fighting for every single thing that I want out of life. I shouldn't have to fight for every single stupid little thing in life. I am a worthless human being and I have no business being alive. I have no right. |
After my burn out today with not getting that job, I am beginning to question my overall intelligence. No matter what I do I can't seem to find a job anywhere. I can't even get a job at a lousy grocery store!  I have tried everything that I could find in my field of expertise. I haven't heard from any of the jobs that I have applied for on the internet, either through email or one of those jobsites. This really blows ass. I feel defeated. I have lost confidence and in myself and I have lost patience in this scumbag state they call Florida. I am beginning to question whether God really cares about me or even listens to me when I pray. I want out of this hell-hole with my stuff and my cat. I am tired of Jerry flaunting his unholy, dirty, and impure relationship with that ho-bag that he met at a bar back in May. I want to be away from his ass. I think he does all of this stuff to intentionally hurt me. I want to get a job or two, so that I can save up money to get out. I am trying very hard to do anything I can to get the fuck out of here, but there is some force that stops me from leaving. This whole thing is really starting to piss me off! I want to get the money to rent a U-haul van which is about $300-400. That part isn't the problem. It's getting the rest of the money to make it from central Florida, back up to Michigan. That trip is about 1400 miles, and will take 2 days to drive. This includes, food, gas, and at least 1 nights stay at a hotel. The gas is what will cost the most out of everything, even more than the van will cost. Four years ago, when I left Michigan, gas was only $1.25 or so, now it's nearly triple, but not quite. Which means it will be triple times whatever it was the last time I moved. That is the only part of the trip that bothers me. I am going out of my mind. I feel like breaking stuff because I am so frustrated over everything that has happened. |
| I went to my interview today. I have a really great chance at getting the job. He said that he would call me some time around noon or later in the afternoon. The only catch to this is that if I get the job, I will have to walk to get there in the afternoon and walk back home.....at night. That's the only thing that will blow cookies. But at least it's a job. |
As David Lee Roth would sing, "Going Crazy....Going Crazy........"  I can't wait to start working again. I am going stir-crazy sitting here. I know that it's only been a week since I haven't had a job, but still. I just got out of the shower and I am now wearing a mineral clay mask. I am updating my contest and a few other things in my port. Hopefully I can get everything caught up before I start working again. If I get the job, the shift will be from 1pm-9pm, 5 days a week. I also want to try and get a waitressing job from 6am-12pm too, once I get started at the other one. I figure if I work 2 jobs, I can move out of here sooner, and get away from Jerry. One can wish and hope anyway.  |
| I am glad to not be in a writing slump anymore. I have written 2 poems, and a non-fiction story. At least I created something! In the meantime, I am still looking for a job. I have an interview with an organic supermarket on Thursday. I would love to work there because they can offer me full time work, 20% off of food and cafe items, and 40% off on vitamins and other supplements. I hope I get the job. |
One year ago I went through one of the most terrifying medical crisis that anyone could ever go through. Below is my story.
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Just as I predicted, I feel like crap. The cramps are horrendous and I feel like I am going to hurl.  I keep wishing that I had some estroven PMS, that would take care of it in a snap. Hopefully the pain and icky feeling will subside soon. It will most likely last all day and part of tomorrow. In the meantime, I think I will lay low. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I think that my body is trying to get back to the norm. I started my period a few minutes ago. My last cycle started on August 22. The cramps are already starting. My breasts were really sore this month. By tomorrow morning the tenderness should be gone, but the cramps will be in full force. I am not looking forward to that. I wish I had some Estroven PMS- it's an all-natural PMS/Menstrual relief remedy. Let me tell you, this stuff works! I predict by tomorrow morning this is the way that I will be feeling............ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
I wrote a new Clerihew. Sort of a rip on my ex-boyfriend Jerry. It's goofy, but that's the whole idea. Please rate and review! Enjoy!
Better yet, if you like those, take a look at the entire folder if you want!
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| I can't wait to move out of this hell-hole. Jerry makes me miserable. I need the good Lord to help me get a full time job so I can get a car and save up to move out and away from Florida. Jerry and I got into another fight. Let's just say that I kind of started it. He had it coming though. I am tired of him treating me like a scapegoat, the one that's at fault for everything that has gone wrong with the world. I wish I could go back in time and change everything. If I could, I would make it so that I would never have met this dirtbag excuse for a man, or move away from home. I wish God wouldn't have allowed me to get mixed up with this slimeball. We make our own decisions. Some of it's my fault. Most of it's Jerry's fault. I feel like I have been tricked into something evil and impure. Jerry lied to me about everything. The type of person he was. If I knew everything that I know about him now, I would have never gone out with him. I guess it's live and learn. I hope God has someone better in store for me in the near future. I think that I have been in relationship-Hell long enough. I want someone totally different than Jerry. Someone who will romance me and find me worthwhile. I know that I am worthwhile and too good for pieces of shit like Jerry. I will find my prince-charming one day. Just see! |
| I have decided to banish Jerry to the couch since he continues to screw that dirty tramp. He deserves to sleep on a hard, uncomfortable couch. I feel uncomfortable and dirty when he sleeps next to me. We sleep under separate blankets on a king size bed, but that isn't enough. I need him away from me, sleeping in a different room. I am proud to say that I haven't slept with him in well over 2 months, almost 3. Per Problematic Content 's wishes. I am very proud of myself for that! This will be a temporary thing until I move out of here. I need to find a full time job so that I can get enough money to move out. I am done with temp agencies for good. Those places keep me a month at most, sometimes less. Very depressing. What's more depressing is being here, prolonging my agony. |
My cNote Folder won an awardicon!
Thank you mars  ! |
| I am getting tired of Jerry coming home at 4am in the morning. It's disrupting my sleep and he doesn't seem to care. I am almost tempted to tell him to stay the entire night at his "friends" and come home during the day. I hate him for having a life while I am stuck cooped up in this dump for what seems an eternity. He shouldn't be allowed to have any kind of life if I can't have one. It's impossible for me to have any kind of life down here if I don't have a car. I have an interview on Tuesday with an actual company. If I get this job and it doesn't work out, I am going to go out of my mind with grief. I want to stay at a job long enough to finance a car. It's pissing me off. This cabin fever thing is getting to me. It's way too hot outside to just walk up to any place. I don't do too well in the heat. I told Jerry if he is screwing his whore he can sleep on the couch because I don't want his sleazy-ass cooties on me. I don't even want him breathing in the same oxygen as I do. He claims that he's just friends with her and all they do is watch tv together. Yeah right, and I will marry a hot-hunky millionare who will just totally be in love with me. I wasn't born yesterday. He is just saying that so he won't have to sleep on an uncomfortable couch 7 days a week. |
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