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 |  Take a look into the world as I see it. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~  "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." ---Edgar Allan Poe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Traditional Gemini Traits Adaptable and versatile Communicative and witty Intellectual and eloquent Youthful and lively On the dark side.... Nervous and tense Superficial and inconsistent Cunning and inquisitive ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** LIKES  Talking Novelty and the unusual Variety in life Multiple projects all going at once ReadingDISLIKES Feeling tied down Being in a rut Mental inaction Being alone Liars** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
I have a new contest open! Come and see! 
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I am really glad that I don't work for that place anymore. I found out yesterday that the people that we shared the building with, hire prisoners and ex-prisoners. Criminals like rapists, child molestors, and God knows who else. The last thing I want is to be raped in a restroom stall.  Good ridance to that hell-hole. I wish that the temp agency would have told me that those kind of people were working there, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to work there in the first place. |
I am afraid to start dating again or even to attempt to date again. I am worried that if they know about my brain surgery or see this scar on my head that they will get freaked out and run away.  Ever since the surgery, I have felt like a weirdo freak. You can't see the scar all that well on my forehead, but as for the top of my scalp, it's a different story. My head and hair will never be the same. I have found ways to hide the scar, but as far as hairdos go, it's very limited. I don't feel that a man can love me with a huge scar on my scalp. I guess I will have to be a single freak for life.  It's a shame that people can't look at inner-beauty and personality rather than some scars that aren't even my fault. |
| Well, so much for working through another temp agency. I got axed yet again. This is pissing me off. I need continuous work so I can save up and get out of here. This doesn't help me at all. Another thing that bothers me, is that I can't stay at a job long enough to finance a car. Temp agencies let me work for about a month and then they end my assignment without any reason. I shouldn't say that it's the temp agency, it's the company. The manager at the company is a total bitch. She is always in a bad mood. She must have been having a PMS day or a Menopause day or something, because she let another girl go yesterday. Just because the manager is in a bad mood doesn't give them the right to fire somebody. I was always on time, I was never late from any of my breaks, I got along with all of the employees, and was never rude to any of the customers. I just don't get it. However, during my orientation on my first day, she did say that they never hire permanent employees and that the assignment can end at anytime. Whatever. I told Anthony at the temp agency that I wanted to be placed somewhere else as soon as possible, because I can't live this way. He told me that if I didn't hear from him by tomorrow to call him on Friday. We will see what happens. |
| After my little run in with Mr. Cock Roach, my day didn't get that much better. It was a hectic day at the office. They came in and finally fixed the air conditioner. As a result, they caused a power outage and all the phones were messed up, which caused a delay in receiving phone calls, a half hour delay. Which resulted in bitchy-whiny customers because they couldn't get through for a half hour. The day went by painfully slow, and the last call of the day lasted an entire half hour, where my manager ended up taking over the call, because this lady on the other end didn't understand the dummy lamen terms that I was trying to explain. *Sigh* I was so glad when that day ended. It was so busy today that I ended up with jaw pain and a headache from talking too much. I have TMJ and all that talking aggrevated the condition.......very painful. |
This has not been a good start to a Monday morning. I got in the shower this morning and I start rinsing down, and out of the corner of my eye, I see this gigantic brown blob on the shower curtain. There was a cock-roach the size of a persons head in the shower. I let out a blood-curdling scream, and Jerry comes running in all frantic and asks what the hell was wrong with me. So I told him, and he's like, I don't see anything. I told him that's because it's on the inside. I am screaming while Jerry is trying to get at it because it's getting closer to me. Jerry finally gets it after 10 minutes of trying, and it ends up crawling on his hand and Jerry flings it into the toilet. Jerry gets all pissed at the cock roach for crawling on his hand and at me for screaming. He now feels nauseous because of the whole ordeal. I can't wait to get out of this cess pool they call Florida. Nasty!  I am tired of seeing all of these big nasty bugs. |
Jerry went out with his stupid whore again, and didn't come home until 3am lastnight. When Jerry finally decided to come home, Max didn't go out to greet him like he normally does, lol!  It tickles me that my cat no longer loves and respects Jerry like he used to. It's nice to know that someone out there has some form of loyalty and love towards me.  It's amazing how animals can sense bullshit from several miles away.  One things for sure, Max is no dummy! And he just came and snatched my steak off of my plate! The little turd! He just ate my dinner! |
| It's really difficult to live with Jerry. But I have to deal with it until I can afford to move out. Well, it isn't that I can't afford to move out, it's that I need a car in order to leave. People tell me to just buy a plane ticket and leave all of my stuff. That's easy for them to say. Okay, this is the dilemma that I face if I go home car-less; I won't be able to get a job. Most employers won't hire you if you don't have reliable transportation. I can tell you right now that Kalamazoo doesn't really have a great job market. There's nothing there. I want to move to Battle Creek. Another thing that I want when I move back, is to get my own place. I don't want to live with my grandparents or my dad........well, if I have to, it will only be for a short time. I am open to the whole roommate thing. I will only do the roommate thing if Jill or Sheila were willing to move in with me. I don't want a total stranger living with me. In the meantime I will have to just grit my teeth and bare living with Jerry. |
| This has been an unbelievably boring day so far. I ended up cashing my check this morning instead of lastnight because Jerry decided to be selfish and go out when he had promised to come straight home from work so I could take care of things. Whatever! I have r/r/r a few things today. I think that I will review some more items today. Maybe order Chinese take out for dinner. Who knows. |
I have weened myself off of my anti-convulsant meds. This is my 8th almost 9th day without them, and I am feeling better than I ever have. It turns out that it was the medicine that was making me feel groggy, nauseous, and depressed. I felt like I had permenant PMS all of the time. I had brain fog and couldn't think straight, which is probably why I had difficulty holding down a decent job. I felt like a lazy bum all of the time. I was always too tired to do this or that. I had no pride or desire in my life. I was emotional and short-tempered all of the time. Then my relationship with Jerry becomes soured by everything, which at the time I didn't know that it was the damn meds that were causing all of the problems. I curse the meds for what they've done to me. Now that I have taken myself off of them, I have all of this energy and I am in a better than great mood. For the first time in my life, I am at my happiest.  |
I am really worried about my grandparents. There have been a rash of several break-ins in their neighborhood. The police don't seem to be doing anything. I think that they need to stop hanging out at the donut shop and get off their lazy asses and do something about it.  The burglars haven't been harming any of the people that they have stolen items from, but one of these days it might change, and I am scared that my grandparents might get hurt. They have motion lights all around the outside of the house, and one on the inside. They had ADT, but I am not sure if they have this service any longer. I hope that these goons will be caught soon for the sake of everyone in that neighborhood. |
| Jerry is a jackass. Like that's anything new. I finally thought that we had sorted everything out as far as living arrangements when it came to paying half of things, and then saving up for both of us to go home and go our separate ways. Well, every time I make plans and feel as though I have everything mapped out, my plans get blown sky high because Jerry changes his mind. I have never met anyone so disorganized or as stupid as Jerry. His "friend" or as I like to call her, "whore", she got evicted from her apartment because she quit her job. She also doesn't have a valid drivers license because of repeated offenses for speeding, and she also ended up spending 3 days in jail for it. All of that is her fault. But Jerry is behind her 100%, but can't overlook the fact that I struggled finding a good job for over a year. Those are hard to come by these days. Jerry wants me to move out, or him to move out because he wants to live with her. He calls living with her, "a better situation." How? She isn't any better than I am. If you ask me, it's all about the sex. He is leaving in about two months, so what good does seeing someone else do? I think all he wants is sex, because he's pervert and an addict. I said that to him and he denies it. Of course. He's such a liar. Well, if that's what he wants, then they deserve each other and all of their stupidity. He also pretty much admitted that his habits and addictions were more important to him than I ever was. Because when I brought it up, all he could say was I should've left when I found out about his lewd photos the first time. Well, you know what? He should've told me what kind of person he really was to begin with and I would've never gone out with him, and caused myself so much pain! Well, he actually caused all of the pain by lying to me repeatedly like he has throughout our entire relationship! |
| I had some difficulty getting to sleep lastnight, but I didn't blow my nose quite as much as I did the other night. I improved a little by the end of the work day today. It's starting to break up and I am getting the coughing now, which is the most annoying part of the whole thing. At least I am now breathing out of both nostrils. Hopefully I will be even better when I wake up tomorrow. |
This sinus infection seems to be getting worse. I used my nasal irrigation syringe to flush out my sinuses. I was breathing out of both nostrils for awhile, but then they plugged right up again. Jerry asked me if I was okay......... I didn't expect that, since he got on my case earlier on keeping him up all night. I told him how he treated me earlier today, and he didn't remember saying those things, and he apologized for it. Whatever. I have a feeling that my co-worker caused this with her smoking in the car. I guess all of those times that I came home and took a shower didn't keep me from getting sick afterall. I don't know how I am going to do my job this week, since it involves customer service and talking on the phones all day. |
| Jerry really pisses me off at times. He got on my case about being sick and "babying" my nose by blowing it a lot. Excuse me, what am I supposed to do? Not clear up my nose and let it get plugged up so I can suffocate and die? He can suffocate and die for all I care with the way he has been acting. He blames me for him not being able to sleep lastnight because I kept blowing my nose and hacking. In the past it never bothered him when I got sick and spent several nights blowing my nose and getting up all night. You know, I really thought Jerry and I were making progress to at least be civil until we moved away from each other. We got along like friends on Friday and Saturday. I guess it wasn't meant to last. I have forever dubbed him into 'The Bastards Club'. |
| Well, I went to the eye doctor today. The doctor said that my eyes are in oustanding shape. I didn't intend for them to dilate my pupils, but before I knew it, he just dropped the solution in my eyes as he was telling me about dilating them. I thought to myself, 'shit'. LOL. I didn't want that done. But I got it. At least I know that I don't have cataracts or glaucoma. I had to drive home with these faux sunglasses, because I couldn't find mine before I left home. When I got home, I had to wear my regular sunglasses at the computer. The stupid stuff didn't wear off until 5 hours later. My eyes had the effect that someone had rubbed vasoline in my eyes. I have contact lenses again, thank God. I found these really cute frames for when I can afford a new pair of glasses. They are these rose colored frames, very pretty. It won't be for a few weeks when I can afford them. Finances have to be straightened out first. I am sorry that this was such a boring entry, but it beats me bitching about Jerry for a change. Although I have plenty to bitch about, but why do that? All it does is raise the stress levels. |
| I am so sick. I have a severe sinus infection and I feel miserable. I blew my nose this morning and a big blob of greenish-yellow-blood-tinged nasal secretion came out. My ears, nose, and throat itch like crazy, which tells me that this is a sinus infection caused by an allergy of some sort. Then I have facial and head pain, and it hurts to wear my glasses. Thank God I am getting fitted for contacts today. I am also going to get my eyebrows waxed and my hair trimmed. I might as well pamper myself a little since I feel crappy. |
| Okay, I woke up feeling kind of okay, but as the day progressed my throat started to bother me. Now my ears, nose, and throat are bothering me. I went to the health food store after Jerry picked me up from work and picked up some homeopathic throat spray, plus some frozen fruit bars to soothe it a little too. I am not sure what I caught, but I would like to give it back to the asshole that gave it to me. I have an eye exam tomorrow morning at Target Optical. I will finally get to wear contacts again! |
| The place that I work, we share a building with a telemarketing company. Oh my God, these people are such slobs. The womens bathroom is nasty. The door is sticky and the inside is always a mess. There is always menstrual droppings on the toilet seats. I get so paranoid of public restrooms, although I know that you can't technically catch anything from a toilet seat, it still creeps me out. I find myself wiping down the seats before I sit down. Another thing that bugs me is that the telemarketing people have this popcorn machine and they pop popcorn everyday. I have heard that they use a shop-vac to clean it out, which is the same one they use to clean out the toilets. We are supposed to move out of that building and be in a new one by November 1st. Too bad that it isn't sooner. |
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The only weight you'll lose via sweating is water weight.