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Review Requests: OFF
1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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226
226
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Ten Years Ago in 2000" . Thanks for entering!

Wow, what a busy year for you. I'm glad your son came out of his problems okay. Sometimes it's hard to make choices between family members. I also love that phrase "let go and let God".

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"I had poured over gardening" ~ poured / pored

Overall, a good read and hope the nine after were just as exciting.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
227
227
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BScholl

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Ten Years Ago in 2000" . Thanks for entering!

Chaos indeed! I hope the following years were a bit calmer. (Any time you throw kids in the mix, it's never completely calm.) *Laugh* I enjoyed your event-filled essay and enjoyed your writing voice telling it. Good work wrapping the story with the same Y2k thought as the beginning.

No suggestions for edit, technically sound.*Cut*

Overall, a very enjoyable read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
228
228
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Just an Ordinary Boo!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Ten Years Ago in 2000" . Thanks for entering!

What a great cathartic story! How brave you were to just walk out that door with two little ones in tow. I think a person knows when the moment arrives, when they've had "enough". I'm happy your moment brought a better life for you and the children. You showed your emotion in the story well, and the pace of the essay was good.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"within reach of hisleft hand" ~ space needed.

Overall, good writing.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
229
229
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello acecorona

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Ten Years Ago in 2000" . Thanks for entering!

What a story! It's good to see your life is on the upswing and you can look back fondly of your time spent here as riverdog13. And how entrepenurial of you to pay for net time with bottle caps! *Laugh* It's just like the old days of collecting glass bottles for pocket money.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Pepsi cola" ~ Cola

Overall, nice to read a bit about you personally.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
230
230
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Chayla

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Ten Years Ago in 2000" . Thanks for entering!

What a sad story you wrote in your essay. So sorry for your loss. I'm sure it is hard to look back and see the lack of support.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*If you decide to edit, perhaps lead more into the story with why you were painting your home and why the manager was so rude. Perhaps how good it felt to work side-by-side with your spouse.

Overall, you did well portraying your sadness. Write on.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
231
231
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Jeff

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Ten Years Ago in 2000" . Thanks for entering!

I like how you covered so many important events in 2000. What a busy year! And I'd agree, graduation is such a turning point for so many teens. It didn't seem like your shyness kept you from having friends, just from girl-friends. lol

No suggestions for edit, well-written. *Cut*:

Overall, an enjoyable read. Perhaps Hawaii could be a retirement destination. *Wink*

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
232
232
Review of A 2000 Man  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dude

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Ten Years Ago in 2000" . Thanks for entering!

I really enjoyed your essay, comparing the landscape changes to the changes in your life. It is truly amazing how a change of scenery can change a person's perspective of life. You did a good job of showing your emotions along with the details of your year.

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*:

Overall, well-written essay that was a good read. Write on.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
233
233
Review of St. Nick  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello The Merry Farmer

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: What a charming story. I loved your character Nick, he's the kind of kid most parents would like to have. You did well portraying his innocence. The parts about the mother's job was a bit redundant but you did well showing her exhaustion.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"family and jobs to drinking or drugs?" ~ Period instead of ?

Overall: A good read. Keep writing, this was a good contender for the win.

Writer's Cramp!
234
234
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello psavoor

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I really enjoyed how you set the scene and showed your descriptions smoothly within the dialog. The words of your character rang so true. The story was short, but not in a bad way, it was a good read.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs are helpful to the reader.

Overall: Food for thought. Write on!

Writer's Cramp!
235
235
Review of Triple Danger  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is 35 on June 3

Your story had an amusing ending and I liked the characters you created. I would like to have seen the first scene with the old man be a bit more emotional.

The rest of the story went well, some of it needs some edit to show, not tell. Also the emotion felt a little flat from the "Triple Danger". The black man comment wasn't needed and isn't terribly relevant to the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Your divider lines aren't needed. The segue sentences work fine to alert the reader to a change.

Overall, a likable story.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
236
236
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Madridista

You story plot was a familiar one, a woman moving in on a couple and breaking them up. I liked the party scene but felt your ending was a little rushed. Your point of view changes were smooth and barely noticable.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"had" ~ commonly weak, try to find a stronger replacement.
*Bullet*If room was made for a party and tables taken out, why incorporate glasses for drinks, rather than drinking directly from the bottle?

Overall, a good write.

Regards,
Kim
Signature of fall
237
237
Review of Father Wizard  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Green-Giffy

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A cute story. I think young adult readers would like this. I think more chapters could be added about the trials and tribulations of being a high-schooler who is have warlock.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The fancy dividers are cool, but a bit distracting.
*Bullet*Write a little more about the emotional tie between Celina and each of her parents. And how Celina's words hurt her mother too.

Overall: A fun story.

Writer's Cramp!
238
238
Review of The Shed  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello kim

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I liked the setting of this story, a small boy walking through a morning dew-coated neighborhood. I hope you finish the tale, after reading a good beginning. The dialog was good.

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*:

Overall: I encourage you to work on the story more, describing the turmoil the narrator goes through after calling the police.

Writer's Cramp!
239
239
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Sum1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A great story idea for the quote prompt. I liked how Kathy decided to walk across even when she had another option. The only disconcerting part of the story was the fact that Jim had pinched pennies for the vacation, but the trike and laptop expenditures seemed to refute that fact.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*After your beginning, indicate the dialog about taking a vacation is back history.
*Bullet*"Green Chile Cheeseburgers" ~ Why is this capitalized? Is it a restaurant?
*Bullet*"I am just a small amateur photographer" ~ Is that a physical description?
*Bullet*"Her plaintiff plea brought me" ~ Seems an odd/incorrect phrase.

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
240
240
Review of The Mist  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Amay

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked how your character Angel had so much love for AB. I did wonder why you didn't use more of the allowable word count and set up your story a bit more. How did he get to the clearing that morning? Was he unable to sleep? Frustrated and pacing. AB needed more emotion to connect to the reader.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*AB ~ Why give your character only initials?
*Bullet*He guided her to sit by his side ~ Suggest a different word for "guided".
*Bullet*"Our life is like this mist that is engulfing us"

Overall, an interesting story idea.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
241
241
Review of The key to change  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Grace Bond

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Despite the description heaviness of the first paragraphs, you wrote a very charming story. A little more of the word count could have been spent on the connection Lindy felt for Ken.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"sparklingly" ~ Visit: "Invalid Item" 
*Bullet*"Lindy had decided that one moment in her cramped apartment" ~ Better to stay on target and in the dialog than flash back to her decision. You covered her choice to move in the first paragraphs.
*Bullet*How did the realtor know where Lindy spent the night?

*Heart* I loved the last sentence, be sure to keep it.

Overall, a great story idea.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!
242
242
Review of Jack  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello SharotheFantasyWriter

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This story seemed to want more, I liked the narrator's disbelief and I liked the imagery in the mirror and wouldn't mind stepping through myself.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line breaks when you change speakers or at paragraphs make the story easier to read.
*Bullet*"And it’s in danger." ~ The door or the cat's world?


Overall: I'd love to read more of the story.

Writer's Cramp!
243
243
Review of Last Night  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Jay Seymour

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: What a great twist on the prompt! I liked your story idea and the premise that the guy was dead. The only thing I would suggest is to make the cat's tone scornful. As if the narrator was missing the obvious, which in the end, he was.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"beckoning me for longer than usual so responded with more force" ~ Suggest "so I responded"

Overall: A clever idea for the prompt.

Writer's Cramp!
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244
Review of Pet Party  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Jeff

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Hahahaha, a funny ending to your story! Good to know that breed would rate higher than dogs or cats, even across the Milky Way. I've seen the way people dress up their dogs, I can't imagine what a human would wear. Hopefully it would come with a matching hat. *Wink*

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*:

Overall: A bit generic but the comedy held up the story.

Writer's Cramp!
245
245
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Naomi

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I liked your portrayal of the dog's emotions at the party, it seemed believable. The pet menu seems like an awesome retail idea.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Kerisha’s pet Retriever Mage walked over." ~ No capital on retriever.
*Bullet*Once the contest is passed, perhaps show Chelsea hanging out the window on the way to the party.

Overall: A cute story.

Writer's Cramp!
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246
Review of A new chance  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello kendall

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A great twist on the prompt and on the words "carpe diem". I liked the character, you described him well enough without being gory about his burns. You described the desert scene well.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some of the sentences in the second half of the story could have been combined up into paragraphs.

Overall: An engaging story.

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247
247
Review of The Forgotten Man  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Naomi

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A heartwarming story of hope and love. I really enjoyed reading this, you did a good job of portraying the emotion of the child. I wondered the significance of the Dec 25 date, other than tying in the mother's name.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*I would like to have seen the word "wish" instead of "hope" at least once in the story to fit the prompt.
*Bullet*Blue (our border collie) ~ Could use commas instead of parentheses.

Overall: A nice story with a happy ending.

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248
248
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello David

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

What an ironic twist to the prompt, using a common wish many people make. I liked it! I liked your character Charlie and his fateful view on karma. I could see a story like this being published in a magazine.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Even written in this point of view, I would like to have known the Dad's name.

Overall: A toucning story.

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249
249
Review of Things We Make  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello romance_junkie

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I loved your portrayal of the pitiful cake and the whimsical little nine year old girl. The description of the father was great, just how a man in mourning and just managing would be.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some punctuation in your dialog.


Overall: An interesting read.

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250
250
Review of Little Pony Boy  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Nikola~Ugh Summer!

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

What a cute story! So many little girls wish for ponies on their birthday, isn't it fun to see one wish come true? Your characters were a delight to enjoy reading and the pony's name was adorable.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Perhaps make it clear that the party was being held outdoors. Or did the pony come into the parlor? LOL

Overall: A lovely story to read.

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