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1,559 Public Reviews Given
2,107 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My reviews typically cover: initial responses, technicalities and mechanics, favorite parts, areas of improvement, and overall impression.
I'm good at...
Honesty, and finding what works versus what doesn't work. I will never give you a rating I don't think your work deserves. I am also particularly good at spotting grammatical errors and typos.
Favorite Genres
Philosophy, Steampunk, Horror, Dark, Emotional, Science Fiction, Technology, and Political Science. I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Western, Religious, and anything froufrou.
I will not review...
Chapters and Novels, unless arrangements are made prior.
Public Reviews
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226
226
Review of My Nightmare  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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Hello there,

I want to first say that I find the sentiments of this poem to be touching, and I think it's a great tribute to the tragedy of yesterday's events. It really gets to me when something like this happens.

That being said, I feel you did a pretty good job, especially since these events did just happen. I liked how the poem rhymed, but I feel that in some spots the rhythm is off. Once in awhile an extra syllable or two will pop up and make it feel a little jolted, but then other times it feels like there needs to be an extra one. When this happens in my poems I'll count out the syllables of each line or phrase and compare it to the rest in the poem. If it's only one or two off, I'll usually go back and edit. I feel this may be advantageous in the case of this poem.

Overall, I stand by what I said earlier, and that this was a good tribute to a terrible event. Thank you for sharing it with us! Keep up the good work. *Smile*


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227
227
Review of Reality  
Review by Riot
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello there,

I would have to agree with the item genre of dark/death that this is true, but I also think that it has an air of philosophical undertones as well. What I liked best about this poem was that it doesn't actually reveal to the reader what's to come. Although it's pretty straightforward with plainly stating that there is more to come, and also speaks of a lot of destruction, it leaves the reader wondering what's really insinuated. This, in my opinion, sparks a bit of thinking which I always find stimulating in this type of poetry.

I found the punctuation and capitalization to be random, and it doesn't always apply where you'd think it should. I think the flow of the poem would be helped considerably if either it was consistent throughout or removed entirely. I also feel that bloody was used a bit heavy-handed, and it probably would be a little less overused if perhaps synonyms were put in place of most of them. Upon a revisit and revise, one may also find that more similes or metaphors crop up.

Overall, I felt this needed some work, but was a worthwhile read. Thank you for sharing it with us! *Smile*


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228
228
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello there,

I enjoyed the overall fantasy feel of this poem. Although the point of view seems at a glance to be that of a large cat (I'm reminded of the lion from Wizard of Oz) it has good parallels to the feelings and emotions of one trapped.

I think with the way this flows it might benefit from punctuation at the end of lines where appropriate. Overall though, I thought this was a good poem and thank you for sharing it with us.


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229
229
Review by Riot
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Heya Dennis,

I really liked this poem! I thought the information at the end was a nice touch, but even without knowing the history of the tomb you made me feel as though Marie Laveau was as real as can be. *Thumbsup*

I can't say I have any one favorite part of this poem because I enjoyed every bit of it. I think it's because of its seamless rhyming and flow. Fantastic! *Heart*

Overall, I'm so glad I found this today. Thank you for sharing it with us! It holds a well deserved win or two. *Bigsmile*


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230
230
Review of Change Your Mind  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Heya Fyn,

Before even reading this poem I spotted asparagus and broccoli, and I felt more compelled to see what it was all about. *Laugh*

I really liked this poem and how it tells a story from youth to adulthood. It doesn't focus on all of the ailments of childhood, but rather introduces similar experiences we can all relate to through the changing of minds and 'icky' vegetables. *Thumbsup*

My favorite part is the last stanza because it brings a full circle to what the author originally started. It shows, for younger people, that they can ultimately be comfortable, but it also completes the story for the narrator.

Overall, I'm glad I came across this today. Thank you for sharing! *Bigsmile*


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231
231
Review of Struggle  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey there,

Although a short poem, I can definitely relate to the author on the subject, and emotions evoked in this poem. There is nothing specifically grand about the wordplay and one may even say it's simply structured, but I don't feel as though that detracted from anything.

Here's to many more successes! Thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work. *Bigsmile*


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232
232
Review of Summer Solstice  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello there!

I enjoyed this pi poem because it got me thinking of the differences and similarities between seasons and civilizations, a parallel that I have never considered before. I found this forum to be a refreshing break from traditional poetry styles where everything has to look neat and rhyme.

The only suggestion I have it to place a comma after autumn in line thirteen because although the poem is spaced in fragments and specific syllables or word counts, everything else is grammatically correct except for that one spot. *Wink*

Also, kudos for using inauguration the way it was. I really felt there was a lot of beautiful parallels in this poem. Fantastic work! *Thumbsup*


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233
233
Review of Disarray  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey, D!

An easy read, the simple three stanzas within this poem bring daily politics to the table well. One could argue that these aren't even modern, but rather a product of every generation, which is why I like it so much.

The rhyming scheme is simple and the flow is spot on. I felt that stanza two was the most thought provoking.

Thank you for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work! *Bigsmile*


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234
234
Review of Lurkers  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello there!

Although this was accidentally mislabeled as a poem, I still found this to be an interesting read. As the author stresses, we are a product of our time, and the internet plays an integral role in that.

Some things I came across:
...a game like children *Right* game-like
...will clasp the others hand *Right* Check for possession on others.
Ironic that in an era of social networking that allows us *Right* redundant use of that.
...if we continue on in our journey... *Right* preferential language given the voice of the author.
destroy our home[,] and
to always hold on, to [and] always support each other - This'll get rid of the split infinitive.
our purpose[,] and we simply...

I like how the information was presented. The categories acted as titles but also helped gear the reader to the topic.

Some of my favorite parts:
rebels of an unknown cause
they are faceless nomads of this techno dream
vagabonds drifting from place to place
they are the misbegotten children

Thank you for sharing this. It gave me a lot to think about! *Smile*


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235
235
Review of If I was a bird  
Review by Riot
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello there,

I liked the gentle rhyming of this poem and the way it flowed. I liked how it told a story and gave us insight to the narrator and her feelings.

Some things I came across:
who lives in [a] world of...
...I see only enemity - Did you mean enmity?
...with no social boundings, - I think this may be best as bounding.

I found this poem to be beautiful and thought provoking, despite its harsher political undertones. Thank you for sharing it with us!


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236
236
Review of TL;DR  
Review by Riot
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello there,

I was attracted to read this item today because of its title, and I was interested in what the author had to say on the subject.

Fitting, this shorter poem gets right to the point of its subject. Although I had a chuckle, the sentiments are all too true. I found this to be a well written, brief blurb on today's fascination with TL;DR.

Well put! *Smile*


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237
237
Review of The Unknown  
Review by Riot
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Morning,

Although this poem was inspired while doing LSD, I found it to be thought provoking none-the-less. The end line especially gets me thinking, as I look out my window this morning at the side-ways flowing snow. How depressing!

I'd definitely be interested in seeing this poem in longer form, or perhaps even broken into several poems. As it stands right now, it's fairly abstract, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Thanks for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work. *Smile*


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238
238
Review of What is Love?  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello there,

This poem reminded me of an exercise we did in college, where the writer 'borrows' ideas from other writing for inspiration. Unfortunately this means that in reality any work produced could probably never be published, but it was a good lesson. I don't think I've ever seen anyone use dictionary resources for this kind of writing, but I have to admit that I have seen people quote The Bible.

I think that the idea behind this is interesting and good for practice, but on the whole it didn't really feel like poetry to me. That isn't to say that I didn't appreciate the efforts though, and of course, it's also just my opinion. I think that maybe if this was expanded a bit, or if you added a little bit more of your own personal flare, it would really change from just a few definitions on the screen into something more meaningful.

For instance, maybe you could place some personal commentary after each definition. Is it what you think is love? Do you agree with it? Do you disagree with it? Are there any experiences you have that you could share within it?

As I said, I did like the idea behind this. This is a good thing to keep in a writing journal if you have one. I'm looking forward to possibly coming across more of your work in the future. Thank you for sharing. *Smile*


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239
239
Review of Wandering Star  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi there,

I thought you did a pretty good job with this poem. I like how you made joining images between the wandering star and vacant heart. The way this is narrated reminds me of a lullaby almost. *Smile*

One thought I had is that perhaps the lines could be a bit shorter. They start off pretty long, and eventually end in three word lines in the last stanza. Although I can understand why, I do think that it may have more quality flow if it were easier to read in shorter lines.

The phrase and the shadows do not wish to receive you was my favorite because it left me with a sorrowful, haunting emotion I feel I can relate to.

Overall, I felt this was above average, but that there is still a little bit of work to be done on it. Thank you for sharing it with us, and keep up the great work. *Thumbsup*


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240
240
Review of Free at Last  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hello again,

I was pretty impressed with this very short read. I often prefer to read shorter works due to my attention span being that of a walnut. I was also refreshed to see that this was nearly grammatically flawless! *Thumbsup*

One minor suggestion I have is this line: The wood grain handle hand gun adjacent to my bruised legs nags me. -- I just can't say 'wood grain handle hand gun' with a straight face. I just can't seem to make it happen, especially without my tongue getting tied into a nice Christmas bow. I think it's because of the way 'handled' and 'hand' are so similar. Perhaps you could use a synonym somewhere in there. *Wink* (Whoops, there's a small typo in the description with silence.)

What I liked best about this was the visual and stimulating descriptions. The ending was a bit of a cliff-hanger for me, but as they say, always leaving them wanting more.

Overall, I felt this was above average, and a good short read. Thanks again for sharing your work! *Heart*



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241
241
Review of Her Answer  
Review by Riot
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi there,

I thought this short poem was a nice read, and I enjoyed the imagery of it.

My favorite line is the first line, as I was very fond of moon shaped port, but I also enjoyed other word combinations such as crystal ocean and throat entangled. (Although admittedly for different reasons!)

As a personal preference, I'm unsure how I feel about placing specific punctuation at the end of a line only to intentionally capitalize the beginning of each new line. My preference is to do one or the other, but ultimately it's up to the author to decide. I bring it up because sometimes it's easy to forget when doing a draft. *Wink*

Overall, I rate this as an above average poem, which of course is subjective to my personal opinion and nothing more. Thank you for sharing this with us! I'm glad to have come across it. Keep up the good work! *Thumbsup*



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242
242
Review of Life  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello there,

What I liked best about this poem was the flow in the beginning few lines. Although most of the poem consisted of couplets, I think the first two were the best couples.

As a reader, we can only interpret what we read personally, even against an author's best intentions. For me, I found a lot of interconnections and contrasts between a lot of the things listed, but I did sort of chortle at pot up there with cocain[e] and meth. In my mind, I was seeing this in contrast to torture, pain, death, but I think that it may be more in contrast with friend which puts the other two out of context. These are merely my thoughts. *Wink*

The phrases unavoidable things/dangerous things stimulated my senses, and I thought they were placed in there nicely. *Thumbsup*

Overall, I thought this was a pretty good poem. If I were to offer any constructive criticism, I may suggest possibly changing up the punctuation at the end of lines and capitalization at the beginning of lines, but that's a personal preference.

Thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work! *Smile*


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243
243
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (2.5)
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Hi there,

I thought this was a nice reflection of one having internal struggles to figure out what's normal, and how one seemingly doesn't fit in despite doing right. I can relate to the line that reflects on being embarrassed over doing what's right, and I think many others would agree.

As a suggestion for improvement, I'd really go back line by line and take a look over for grammar mistakes. There were several places in which, with a bit of ease, can be altered for better flow and clarity.

For example:
There call me crazy *Right* They
The call me things *Right* They
to doing the right thing *Right* do

Of course, given the nature of the poem, I suppose all of these could be intentional, however I find them a bit detracting from the poem rather than clever. Perhaps if it was done purposefully it could be done in a more obvious manner, but that's just my opinion.

Although I can see where this poem is going, I give it a slightly lower rating due to its mechanical issues and personal taste. If you do decide to go back and change some things about the poem though, I'd be happy to revisit it for another possibly higher rating. I hope this doesn't dishearten you in any way, for it's just one reader's opinion.

Keep up the hard work, and best of luck! *Smile*



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244
244
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello T.J. *Smile*

I read this yesterday when you submitted, as I pointed out in our previous emails, and I read it again recently while writing this review. *Smile*

I think this story is pretty cute. Although it does have a similar sound and feel to other stories with morals like this, I enjoyed it none-the-less for what it was. I felt like there was a lot of imagery within and that it would make for a good children's bed-time story. *Thumbsup*


Technical Suggestions:
*Right* With the coming of snow, foraging is difficult for all the resident species, so along with bird feeders, we set up a ground feeder for rabbits, squirrels, deer, and who ever else decides to stop by for a meal. -- I'd take a peek at this and rewrite it. It would probably be best to break it down into more sentences, as it's quite a run-on right now. Perhaps something like: With the coming of snow, foraging is difficult for all the resident species. So, along with bird feeders, we set up a ground feeder for rabbits, squirrels, deer, and [whoever] else decides to stop by for a meal.
*Right* The only rule is, `If it's within reach, it's fair game`. -- You may want to consider: The only rule is: If it's within reach, it's fair game.
*Right* The feeder was freshly filled and the locals were stopping by to indulge. -- There should be a comma after and because the rest of the sentence after it is able to be a sentence unto itself.
*Right* Perhaps there's a lesson here for all of us[,] -- Same here.
*Right* He spied the jay, mere feet above, on a branch trying to free the last peanut from it's shell. -- Here, it's is simply its.
*Right* The jay launched from it's perch, tucked it's wings, and plummeted into a dive an eagle would envy., ...vanishing within it's dense foliage..., and ...joined it's mate... -- Same here. *Wink*
*Right* Inches above the frozen earth, it unfurled blue wings and rocketed after it's fleeing prey, a blue streak across a white background.
*Right* Almost, but not quite. -- Since you don't have many other incomplete sentences, you might want to consider fleshing this one out a bit.
*Right* With a zig and a zag[,]
*Right* The squirrel definitely out witted the bluejay and earned the prized peanut[,] [but], at what price?
*Right* At the least, he was wearing a partially bald fur coat.
*Right* All this suffering for a puny peanut? -- This is incomplete and informal. Depending on what you're going for, you could rephrase this a little bit for a stronger finish.
*Right* Was it worth it to expel this much when it should be conserving to survive the winter? -- The usage of worth here is redundant since you've used it in the sentence prior, however I think if you were to add one more sentence in this manner it would complete the repetition for parallel's sake. If you don't, I would consider using a synonym in place of the second one.
*Right* [However], when we look in the mirror...

My favorite part was the progression of the bird shelling the nut while the squirrel patiently waited for his fortunes. I was able to easily visualize it, and I could almost hear the squirrel cackling as it scampered off. *Laugh*


Overall, I rate this a four of of five because I felt it was well done but has room for improvement on the technical side of things. I'm happy to have read it, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job! *Smile*


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Review of Horizon  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello there!

This poem is fairly symbolic in its nature, which reminds this particular reader of metaphors of hope and humanity. *Thumbsup*

I liked the phrases smudged vision and chilling mist and how they were presented, along with the winding road that certainly reminded me of Carl Sagan. I could easily see this being narrated in that nature, especially with the questions.

Overall, I found this to be philosophical in nature, and a good read. Thank you for sharing! *Smile*


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Review of Silent Rain  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello there,

I found this prose-like piece to be pretty well done. I thought the repetition was interesting, with a methodical fashion that matched the same-like numbness found throughout the writing.

The descriptions of being numb were translated well. I can personally relate to the disassociation that was described near the middle-end of this. To be honest though, it was a little bit angst-riddled. As for my personal opinion on this goes, I found this to be a common theme, but that doesn't mean that it's not good. We each articulate and express ourselves, even if those feelings are similar or common among others.

I rate this a four out of five because I feel it's above average and well written, and also because I personally have a connection with some of the descriptions and imagery within. Overall, I'm glad I came across this piece and thank you for sharing it with us. *Smile*


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Review of Unravel.  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello there,

I felt this to be a very vivid and imaginative read. I quite enjoyed much of the imagery I found within this delicately written piece, and I was impressed with phrases like color bleeds from your bones which struck a personal chord with me.

As an aside, unraveling and unraveled are primarily favored in the United States, while unravelling and unravelled are primarily favored in the United Kingdom. This may or may not make a difference to you. *Wink*

Some minor corrections:
*Bullet* lonliness should be loneliness.
*Bullet* Humbly your strands loosen... should have a comma after humbly because it's an introductory word.

I think overall I would consider this more prosaic than poem-like, as it seemed more narrative than anything. The reason I rate this a three and a half out of five is because I felt it was above average, but that it still needed work with certain word phrases, grammar, and overall presentation.

In the end though, I did enjoy this read, and I'm glad you decided to share it with us. Thank you for that, and keep up the great work! *Smile*


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Review of You Could Be Dead  
Review by Riot
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello there,

I really found the presentation of this poem to be spectacular. Although the topic is philosophical and perhaps even a bit morbid, think you put some thought and care into creating strong visual relationships between past tense, life's depression, death, and even self destruction.

In offering suggestions for improving this piece, I think you may want to run this through a word editing program to take care of some minor grammatical snags. Also, look carefully at the spacing between words, especially after commas, as there should be a single space.

I feel it takes true talent and love for writing in order to manipulate words in a way that gets the reader thinking. You, author, have got me thinking. Thank you, and best of luck with future writing! *Smile*





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Review by Riot
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hello!

I thought the parting lines in this poem were very touching despite its depressive tone. I did feel there was a sense of strong addiction within the poem, but not in quite a descriptive manner as a narrative manner.

Although I was able to follow most of the transitions, I have to admit that I did struggle in a few spots. It seemed to me that a lot of the buildup in the poem was focused between the two teenagers, him and her. The line I can't hurt him led me to believe that the addiction was a metaphor for their love. After all, it would make sense, at least in a stereotypical way. Then, though, the narration shifts focus again, and I start to think that this is a poem about substance abuse of some sort. By the end though, I think I felt a little confused on what the topic really was about.

If I were to make any suggestions on this poem, I think I would recommend a rewrite in where you go through each line and ask which character it's supposed to be about. Perhaps if you only focus on one side of the emotional coin--either him or her--some of the confusion could be weeded out. While she is the one that has the addiction, I felt conflicted in the narration, as it switched back and forth from him to her. I feel that going with her may be the best way to go because she's the one at focus, at hand, and struggling. It's also from her position.

Overall, I think with some work this could be an fine-honed poem. I appreciate you taking the steps to put it out on the internet for everyone to enjoy, and if you revisit editing on this I would be happy to come back for a re-read and re-rate. *Smile*




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Review by Riot
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello there,

I think the concept of this poem has a lot of great potential. It takes a basic concept of understanding human nature, and what one cannot do, while turning it around into focus on one thing that the narrator does do well. Although complex issues are listed, there are simple things that are also in the mix--like not knowing how to tie a tie.

Although I appreciate the nature of this poem and its ending sentiments, I'm unsure how I feel about the main topic of love. To me, it personally felt a little too obvious and expected. Is begs questions, certainly. Is love the only real thing we have to strive for? Is it the only real purpose one needs in life? On my own reflection, I don't think so. However, each emotion and place has a part in literature and expression, so I feel I'm still able to appreciate it for what it is. *Smile*

If I were to make any suggestions on this poem, I think I would recommend spending some extra time on the punctuation and consistency of the visual aspect of the layout. I felt since this was namely free-verse that each line didn't necessarily need to end with a period, in the same way the starting lines didn't need to represent a new sentence. Sometimes the way we present information--rather than what it is--can really have an effect on the reader.

Overall, I felt this was a nice poem, and I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing it. *Smile*



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