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READ A NEWBIE

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Grief

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Continuation of story " A box changed my life "

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poem written for Love is in the Air! (PETS)

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The white dove of peace.

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Riot

Review Requests: OFF

1,559 Public Reviews Given

2,107 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

My reviews typically cover: initial responses, technicalities and mechanics, favorite parts, areas of improvement, and overall impression.

I'm good at...

Honesty, and finding what works versus what doesn't work. I will never give you a rating I don't think your work deserves. I am also particularly good at spotting grammatical errors and typos.

Favorite Genres

Philosophy, Steampunk, Horror, Dark, Emotional, Science Fiction, Technology, and Political Science. I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Western, Religious, and anything froufrou.

I will not review...

Chapters and Novels, unless arrangements are made prior.

Public Reviews

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376

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#3131253

Review of The Chatroom

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello, I'm known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Chatroom"

into "Invalid Item"

. Unfortunately this piece is disqualified. Not only does it contain narration, but it's over 1300 words.
Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: I felt the title was appropriate given the content. However, I also think it could have been more creative. Perhaps something containing that "Spiritual Vibe" that was mentioned within the chat log.

Style & Voice: Well, this is difficult for me to say. I guess it's a good thing that I can't decide if this is copy and pasted from chat, or from your imagination. If it wasn't copied and pasted, then I think you nailed "chat speak" very well.

Scene/Setting: It was quite obvious where this took place; in a chat room. The set-up was clear; you stated who was in the room and prefixed each line of dialogue with who was saying what. You made it clear when there was an emote, by using parenthesis.

Characters: The majority of dialogue was between Twinky and Gorzon. It was clear that Twinky was having a tangent moment, and clear Gorzon was playing the skeptic and Devil's Advocate. It almost seemed to me Gorzon was getting annoyed in a few parts with subtle hints in his dialogue.

Technical: Because of the structure of this dialogue, and that it was chat, I won't knit-pick slang and grammar, because it wouldn't do any justice.

Overall Opinion: Overall, I thought this was pretty good for what it was. I'm wondering though, why you didn't just cut out the chat dialogue and have this be a conversation between two people. (Gorzon and Twinky) - I think that if their conversation back and forth were put into a separate dialogue piece this would've been even better. Thanks for sharing this with us none-the-less, it was a good read.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

377

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#3118903

Review of The Canine's Howling At The Moon

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Canine's Howling At The Moon"

Word Choice: You have done an excellent job with wording here. From full moon, to full of tears, serenade, plaintive down to unrecognized, hidden meaning lies.

Structure and Form: I caught some rhyming in the 1st stanza, 3rd, and 5th, but not in-between. It could, as I suspect, have been done on purpose that way. Either way it's cut though, I liked it. I'd be interesting in knowing what this form is if you indeed used one.

Imagery: I think any time one speaks of Adam and Eve, at least in my mind, there are a few pre-conceived notions about their appearance. Throughout this poem I felt like I could see the crying of the angel, the sweat rolling off Adam's back as he was laboring for the first time... The end was especially creative with the coyote's howling. Excellent imagery!

Overall Opinion: Overall, I can offer no room for improvement. Thank you very much for sharing this excellent poem with us, I'm so glad I had the chance to read it today. Write on!

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378

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#3118898

Review of The Day My Father Died

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Day My Father Died"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I like the title of this poem. Not that I like it because he's dead, but because it intices me into reading what you have to say.

Word Choice: The word choice was pretty good and helped paint a picture of the events in this sad story.

Structure and Form: While this was free-verse, I couldn't help but wonder how it would read differently if there were more puncutation at the end of lines and different capitilization at the beginning. However, I'm sure once you do that someone would tell you it isn't needed. Pesky poetry.

Imagery: You did a wonderful job at telling a story. I felt like I was in the room with that bird outside, and the siamese cat was especially heart-breaking when he left his chest finally. Outstanding.

Overall Opinion: Overall, I felt this was a heart-breaking poem. Despite it's sadness, I'm very glad I read it. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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379

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#3115967

Review of Hi Mama

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Hi Mama"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I *think* this needs to be Hi, Mama - with that comma there. I always get so confused with that though.

Word Choice: the word choice is pretty good. I especially liked the spaced out ones in stanza three. Very cleverly done!

Structure and Form: Free-verse, but again, good job. I didn't feel there was any breaks or awkward places where I 'stumbled' and can offer no room for improvement on that aspect.

Imagery: Each stanza had individual imagery.

Overall Opinion: Overall, I could offer no room for improvement and I quite enjoyed this cute little read. Write on, girl!

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380

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#3113837

Review of Deception

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Deception"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

I think this is a great poem about dishonesty in a relationship. My only thought, what I would've liked to see, is some punctuation aside from periods. Maybe it would help with the flow?

You did a good job with rhyming, but there was one rhyme combination I didn't really care for: twist/desist - That's just my opinion though, I think they rhyme well enough. I'm just not sure if I liked the way they were used.

Overall, I felt this was a pretty good poem and you painted us a good image with words like deep confusion, velvet cloak and deception. Keep up the good writing!

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381

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#3113835

Review of Rahu's Game

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Rahu's Game"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Wow, this was really good. I loved the concept behind this poem. I like how you set this up and how you started from the beginning with a bit of a introduction and built it up to the end where the reader comes to a strong realization. The only stanza I 'stumbled' over was 5. You started three of the lines out with "So", though I can see in a way how that may be the rhythm of that particular part of the story. My only other thought is to keep an eye on punctuation. You ended each stanza with a period, but there was no other punctuation anywhere else when I felt a comma could be used. Overall, I had a blast reading this and I look forward to seeing more of your work. Keep up the excellent job!

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382

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#3113832

Review of Kidnapped

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Kidnapped"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

I found this to be a pretty dark poem. I wasn't expecting the ending to that, not when I first started reading! One thing I couldn't help but notice was that you tended to overuse a lot of the commas. To me, they felt a bit forced. Just remember in poetry, you don't always have to use punctuation. Though, believe me, I also still struggle with it as well. Overall I thought this was a decent enough poem, but in the end I didn't feel I really got much out of it. I feel sorry for the young girl, because she was kidnapped and abused, but I didn't really feel I knew her too well. I think you did a pretty good job with posing questions throughout the story, but to me it only seemed to be about her ultimate demise instead of a real story being told where that happened to be the end result. I'll have to come back to this again and re-read it later. If you make any changes please let me know as I'd be interested to see what you've changed. Keep writing, you're doing a good job!

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383

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#3113823

Review of The War Nobody Sees

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 13+

| (2.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The War Nobody Sees"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

While I appreciate and sympathize with the thoughts behind this, I can't help but feel you didn't really take much time to polish this at all.

Along the way, I found several errors:
There's a War going

There's a war going
beinning

beginning
wor

war
dosn't

doesn't or does not
Its mess up

It's messed up

I also felt that there was a lot of run on sentences, and some sentences didn't even manage to keep same-like thoughts together. Keep an eye on your punctuation as well, specifically commas.

Again, I appreciate the sentiments behind the statement with this, but overall I feel it still needs a lot of work. Keep trying though, and if you'd like me to re-read this when you've made some changes I'd be more than happy to. Write on!

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#3113817

Review of You Bleed Me Dry

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "You Bleed Me Dry"

Word Choice: You did a great job with your word choice here. I couldn't find a single word that didn't seem to fit, excellent job.

Structure and Form: Good structure. I thought you did well for a free-verse. The flow felt even and wasn't disrupted.

Overall Opinion: Overall, I enjoyed this read, even if it was a bit depressing. Thanks for sharing it with us, keep up the excellent work!

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385

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#3113707

Review of Discarded

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Discarded"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

I knew you had talent, didn't I say so? I really loved this piece of flash fiction you got going here K, you did a great job. I liked how you wrote this from the perspective of the prom dress. I find it very clever that you had a material object have internal dialogue. As for the story, it was simple, short, but effective. You utilized everything very well. Good luck with this competition. I really look forward to reading more from you, so get writin' girl!

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386

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#3113699

Review of Valentine

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Valentine"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Small Note: Your title has a small typo in there, you have Velentine instead of Valentine.

What sticks out to me the most at first glance is the beautiful red text you have, with each stanza separated with a heart. Cute idea, I think it really added to the overall feel!

Some words that particularly stuck out to me as I read this poem were: taken hold, food for my soul, piercing words and entwine me. I thought the imagery was really great, especially stanza three where you talk about satisfying your hunger and admitting heavy defeat.

Overall, I felt this was an excellent poem. I can offer no room for improvement other than the small error in the title. Keep up the excellent work!

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387

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#3113694

Review of I'm Special Too

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "I'm Special Too"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

This is a great short poem. I like the title, as it sets up what the poem will be about. As a free-verse, I think you did especially well with your flow and rhythm. There was no where that I thought the flow was disrupted. My favorite lines in the entire poem was the end. I feel it packed a good point. Overall, I highly enjoyed this. Keep up the excellent work!

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388

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#3113689

Review of If You're Broken Hearted

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "If You're Broken Hearted"

Word Choice: I like the word choice here, from dismal moonlight, to madness awakened, all the way down to dying heart.

Structure and Form: I couldn't detect any specific form here, so I'm pretty sure it's free-verse. The word choice was great, and the flow was smooth.

Theme and Meaning: A song for the broken-hearted.

Overall Opinion: Overall, I felt this was an excellent poem. Keep up the great work!

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#3113196

Review of The Thorns of Truth

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Thorns of Truth"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Alright, I lied. I hit the back button and this one was sitting under the other one. "The Thorns of Truth" - how could I resist? What I liked best about this poem was stanza 3, even though I felt the whole thing was great. How lucky I am tonight to stumble upon a clearly talented poet. I will be sure to be coming back for more! Many thanks for letting me read these three poems tonight. Write on!

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390

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#3113194

Review of The Spell of the Crow

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Spell of the Crow"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Hey there, me again, just getting in another one real quick here. I really liked the title of this one. It sort of reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe. What I liked best about this poem was the excellent use of dialogue throughout the piece. Not only did it have great imagery, but it told a story as well. Overall, I can offer no room for improvement as I feel this piece is flawless. Thank you very much for sharing this with us, you're clearly a gifted writer!

Again, happy WDC anniversary. :)

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391

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#3113193

Review of The Haunting of My Love

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Haunting of My Love"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

I love the title of this. I was sitting here steaming over something from a few minutes ago, and I saw this title as I was searching for anniversary reviews. The title definitely drew me in. Now, after reading it, I also feel it's appropriate to the piece. I think the word choice in here is excellent: eerily, eternal bliss, tranquility, and preys upon my flesh. Each line seemed to progress this wonderful poem. Overall, I think you did an excellent job and I can offer no room for improvement. Thanks for sharing this with us!

Happy WDC Anniversary!

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#3113190

Review of Passionesque!

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Passionesque!"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

I love the imagery in this piece: sunshine pouring through a window, moon rising in the night sky, and vast sea. I think your analogies were spot on. My favorite part, I think, is stanza two, where you dream of him any. Overall, I felt this was a really romantic poem and I think you did a great job. Thank you for sharing it with us, and Happy WDC Anniversary!

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#3113187

Review of Totem Wolf

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Totem Wolf"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Thank you for posting this poem. It got me thinking, a lot, based off the things you posed. I liked the word phrasing in here, from words like spiritual birth, psyche, hope is renewed, and pre-spring rain. Not only is the word choice excellent, but I love the imagery. Overall, I felt this was a very good poem and I can offer no room for improvement. Thank you for sharing it with us, and Happy WDC Anniversary!

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#3112947

Review of Sweet Breaths

Review by Riot

In affiliation with

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Sweet Breaths"

Style/Imagery: The imagery in this is wonderful. I like best how things were described, but through emotions.

Word Choice: Some words that struck me as I read this were: sunrise encompassed, nestled around my heart, blissful eternity and softly, warmly, peacefully. Excellent job!

Structure and Form: For a free-verse I thought this was done well. I couldn't find any parts where the flow was disrupted and your word choice was superb.

Overall: Thank you for finding this and reposting it, I'm so glad I read it. Happy WDC Anniversary!

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#3112537

Review of Passive Aggressive

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Passive Aggressive"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

The first thing that stuck out to me with this poem was the first line in each stanza. I really like how you did this, from Pain, Neglect, Sabotage, down to Betrayed, Destroyed, Wounded and Gone. I liked how the first four stanzas started off. They almost seemed to be a perspective description of each word. However, when you got down to destroyed it seemed more personal. I think I would've liked this more if it had kept the same consistency as the beginning. Overall, I'm glad I read this. I think it has a lot of potential. Keep up the great work.

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#3112536

Review of A Girl Like You

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "A Girl Like You"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

I like the title of the poem, and it fits, but it does seem a bit overplayed. While I found the descriptions in this poem to be sweet, I felt like there was some real genius in some of your work poking behind the cliched statements. Structurally, I couldn't find any errors in the entire poem and I felt the flow was alright. In the end, I'm still glad I read this, because as I stated I found it to be very sweet. Thank you for sharing it with us and keep up the good writing!

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#3112513

Review of The Newborn Penguin Chick

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Newborn Penguin Chick"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: The title of this made me smile, images of baby penguins immediately filled my head.

Word Choice: The world choice here is great, even the descriptive slicing of the fish with the beaks. Some of my other favorites are: flock together and blur of feathers. How cute!

Structure and Form: I couldn't find a specific structure, but as I read this I couldn't find any errors where I thought the flow was disrupted.

Imagery: Again, as stated in word choice, I felt the imagery was excellent.

Overall Opinion: Overall, this poem brought a smile to my face. Even with comments like regurgitation of fishy dinner, haha. Great job, keep up the excellent work.

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#3112477

Review of Released

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Released"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: The title of this poem is good. Not only does it fit the context of the poem, but it also got me interested in reading the poem.

Word Choice: The words you chose to use in this poem were good. painful regret, usurped, pedestal, moored... all great and all popped out at me as I read this.

Structure and Form: For a free-verse, I thought this was well structured. My favorite part was the end analogy with the boat and letting go love.

Overall Opinion: Overall, I enjoyed this read very much. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

Also, check out my new and hot store, "Invalid Item"

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#3108836

Review of Kris

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Kris"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

This is a very sweet poem. I'm not sure if I really like the title though. For a free-verse, I felt this was very well done. My only suggestion is to perhaps add some punctuation at the end of each line to help prompt us with the flow. Sometimes, especially with free-verse, this can tend to help. Overall, I thought this was a pretty enjoyable read. I wonder how it would sound if you expanded it a little? Either way, keep up the excellent work!

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Also, check out my new and hot store, "Invalid Item"

and pick up your unique signature today!

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#3108826

Review of The Hound Alarm System

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Hound Alarm System"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

I really enjoyed this poem. I think you did an excellent job with your rhyming: night/plight, jowls/howls, home/roam, and right/night. The only stretch, I thought, was good/food. In the end, you capitalize "Yet" but in the rest of the poem you switch out casing depending on what part of the sentence the word is in. To keep up with the consistency, I think you should have it be lower-cased. Overall, I felt this was a good read, thank you for sharing it with us, and keep up the writing!

I hope this review has been helpful in some way. Feel free to drop by my port sometime and sign "Invalid Item"

Also, check out my new and hot store, "Invalid Item"

and pick up your unique signature today!

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