My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
Do not rythme Cupid and Stupid.
Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
Vesper the Cupid turned to revenge when a handsome cupid stole his valentine away.
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: BAD. It's just an bad all around - about love gone bad and now revenge soothes the heart.
It's a heck of a story, of love gone bad - and when this cupid's arrow strikes it's divorce court.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem that has an irregular rythme scheme in each stanza.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
It's bad. The poem tells a bad story of love gone bad and now love must avoid Vesper's arrows. Slam: Vesper's no cupid, but he's on mission of revenge.
Cupid and Stupid weren't rythmed.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2023. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
Do not rythme Cupid and Stupid.
Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2023! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
Cupid missed - or did he?
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: UGLY. Cupid missed and hit the poet's brain.
Hit the brain and fart a poem. That's an ugly visual.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem that doesn't have a rythme scheme but there are rythmes.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
It's ugly. The poem struggles with structure, rythmes and it's just an awful visual, BUT sometimes, Valentine's Day isn't for you.
Cupid and Stupid weren't rythmed.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2023 Contest. Line count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Jason Lee and his family discoer there are aliens out there...
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the imagination behind the story. It had a "Red Dawn" feel to it.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscent. I might suggest an edit for past tense. Most professional editors suggest using past tense to tell a story. Present tense can get confusing for the reader.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses to build suspense and tension.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Jason Lee
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to defend his family and homeland.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for spelling and punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The title fits the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Phil's car gets stuck in a snowstorm and he finds a cabin to keep warm...
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It wasn't what I expected.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Phil. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. As a suggestion, you could build on the deep expanse between the cold and heat and compare it with it with Phil and Samardijic.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Phil
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He gets stuck in a snow storm and seeks out shelter.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. Character voice was short, a bit quirky, but engaging. The opening draws in the reader. The title is a nice fit for the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An unnamed narrator gets stuck in the snow. Good thing there's a cabin nearby - and a dog.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the story. It was very heartwarming and uplifting.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense was used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately. I might suggest tapping into the five senses, for example, touch and how the cold might have played with her perception.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. For example, what kind of dog was it?
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed Narrator
There's enough here to understand their motivations. It's time to find a place to hunker down for the snow storm.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. While the narrator didn't need to be named, it would have been nice if the dog got it out of the narrator.
The opening engages the reader. The title was a tad vague for the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A poem about nature and rebirth.
WHAT I LIKED
A nice visual of nature. It was easy to picture the scene in my mind as I read.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. The acrostic of "Silent Night" paints a nice scene of a silent night in nature, waiting for rebirth. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
Brief words paint a picture of the season.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the poem evoked holiday visuals with simplicity of words.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. The poem is a nice reminder that the things we do can bring goodwill and heartfelt emotions to the season. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A personal poem about the season and a reason not to be "bah humbug."
WHAT I LIKED
I liked message of love.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. I enjoyed the presentation of finding love even though a person's instinct might be to find the "humbug." Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A poem about fear inspired by a quote from Samuel Johnson, "O, how vain and vile a passion is this fear! What base, uncomely things it makes men do."
WHAT I LIKED
I like how the first line of each stanza addresses a "trait" of fear.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with no structured rhyme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Very expressive! A poem about fear that sums up the worst of it. A creative take on the prompt, but for the contest, I believe a short story was the requirement for the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Milly tries to overcome her fear of dust.
WHAT I LIKED
A freaky spin on the prompt.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited person by Milly. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Just watch the just please," Mike said with a sigh.
MY SUGGESTION: "Just watch the dust." Mike sighed.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "...unsettling passed between them, as a wolf and tigress might stare at each other in the night."
SETTING
TIME: unsure
PLACE: unsure
This is something that could be a little more clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Milly
There's enough here to understand his motivations. She's afraid of dust.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt for inspiration. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall OCT 22 contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The ghost of mental illness lives in the narrator's mind.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the quote inspired the story. Very suspenseful.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Bruno. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "A shadow appeared before me, staring back at the me with balls of fire where eyes should have been."
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that that could be a little more clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed Narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's a little weary having to deal with Bruno.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Very freaky psychological spin on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall OCT 22 contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Mickey and May manage to make some time to get away.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the simplicity of Mickey and May's relationship. It was a very sweet story that tugged on the heartstrings.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by May. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. Good use of words that tapped into the five senses. I especially liked: "May thought Mickey's crooked teeth made him even more appealing."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
May
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's very responsible but also needs her time to be "just a kid."
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion, and this is minor, would be to expand the scene where Mickey takes May to the Cadillac. Did they ride bikes? Walk? Stop by to buy gum? Build up the suspense a bit more as Mickey takes May to the car. I thought the story captured the "grittiness" of the song & it's inspiration well. The opening easily engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The narrator and a red haired friend travel to Portugal.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the prose. I felt the story danced to it's own rhythms and pace.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
Narration drives the story. "I don't care -- anywhere" vibes as dialogue, used strategically, makes a point.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Portugal
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand the motivations. Their adventurous heart takes them to another country to discover.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML. The prose was easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. The story captures the essence of the inspiration well. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Sid has to face the fact that Mabel is dying.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story was emotionally nuanced. Sid went through the emotional gambit and the reader was right there with him. Nice characterization at the beginning grabs and holds the reader throughout.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Sid. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to tug on the reader's heartstrings.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Sid
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to give Mabel the best before he loses her.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the font easier for the reader.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. If anything, the ending winded me. I was hoping he would return to the jeweler and ask them to borrow the ring. I wasn't expecting the ending and it let me down, though I suppose the "grittiness" of it is consistent with the song and the inspiration provided. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Annie needs a little asphalt therapy to get back in the grove.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the title. I thought it fit the story well.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Annie and CJ. I might suggest a definitive line break when the POV shifts so it's not confusing to the reader. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the characterization and the story.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Wyoming
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Annie
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's had a lot of changes in her life that she has to get used to.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story does a good job capturing the inspiration of the song prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
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