My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
At the dawn of time, Zub, the Caveman, learns how to make clothes. One day he gets a big order - make something for the new king, Mog. Yikes! He's got nothing that fits! What's a caveman to do?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. Zub solves his problem using what he has and starts a tradition that has lastest centuries.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a small blend of dialogue and narration. My only suggestion here is to indent the dialogue and make it it's own paragraph.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: dawn of time
PLACE: caveman world
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Zub
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's gotta hustle to come up with something special for the new king.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. An enjoyable read that flows well with interesting characters.
This review is submitted to Steph's Bee Hive Group
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. Thanks for your patience with me, as I'm just recovering from vacation!
THE CNOTE
Halloween CNotes offer a unique set of Halloween theme notes.
WHAT I LIKED
I thought both notes offered a nice appeal to different viewers.
ENGAGING
The CNotes are appropriate to the season. The introduction sets the mood with a nice quote that sums up the season.
VARIETY
There were only 2 choices. I'd love to see the collection expanded.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS
I thought the cNotes were spot on for the Halloween season. 1 was whimsical and one was spooky. The notes were affordability priced for the community.
Reviewed by StephB for Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Blackwood Manor lingers on the outskirts of a rural town, harboring secrets to explore.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It was nice closure on the haunting of the mansion.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set mood and tone of the story. I especially liked: "they were met with a clammy, musty oder that filled their nostrils."
SETTING
TIME: Part 1 is 50 years before part 2
PLACE: rural setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Henry and James
The characters are likable.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I would check the paragraph that starts with "Their Flashlights spread sinister..." there is miscoded WDC ML at the end of the paragraph -- ./linespace}.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
#1 - I wasn't sure how part 1 worked into part 2, unless Henry was one of the group of the youthful friends that were curious and explored the house. If that was the case, I would make that a bit more "clearer" in part 2. #2 - The prompt items were used, but I felt they were a bit forced into the story. I might have Henry linger on them and evoke memories? to make it feel more natural. (suggestion only) Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was not listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Grandpa comes to visit his grandkids on Halloween while their parents step out for the night.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author weaved in the prompt items. I thought it was a v natural fit.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. I might suggest an edit for past tense. Past tense is mixed with present tense on occasion. I would suggest being consistent and using past tense throughout.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set mood and tone of the story.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Grandpa and the grandkids.
The boys are bit apprehensive being left alone but Grandpa comes along and eases their nervousness.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
What is causing the flickering lights at the old Price mansion?
WHAT I LIKED
There's plenty of suspects, and each has a motive.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: haunted house.
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
There's an ensemble cast, each with their own intentions.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening piques the reader's interest. I thought the ending brought all the clues together well. Sentence count was listed in accordance with the rules with the Cop Shop Mystery. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Barney Fife goes to investigate the noises coming from the old Price mansion.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the ending. Just when Barney thought he had it figured out...
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Present tense is used mostly, but it is not consistent. I would suggest an edit for tense.
DIALOGUE
The opening begins with dialogue. Tags are appropriate, but I might suggest an edit for punctuation within the dialogue. Spell out okay in creative writing. "OK" is okay for journalistic writing.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Broken windows gaped like hollow eye sockets." There's a good economy of words which paint a very succinct picture.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: haunted house.
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Barney
There's enough to understand his motivations. He goes to check out a complaint he has about the house.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. I would also suggest spacing between paragraphs, at least on Writing.com to make it easier on the eyes for the reader.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening piques the reader's interest. Sentence count was listed in accordance with the rules for the Cop Shop Mystery. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE WORD SEARCH
A nice little word search that celebrated WDC's birthday.
WHAT I LIKED
This was a lot of fun.
ENGAGING
The word search kept me engaged. I wanted to solve the puzzle.
VARIETY
There were enough choices to make the puzzle engaging.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS
Other than spicing up the introduction to draw puzzle solvers in, I have no other suggestions. I really enjoyed this word search because it was simple and yet challenging, too.
Reviewed by StephBee for the Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive SEP 2023.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Becca is determined to beat a virtual game.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending and the message the story had to share. There is more to gaming, and even virtual gaming. Life is the ultimate game and there is a world out there to explore beyond a screen.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Becca. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There is no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. My constructive suggestion would be make me feel like I'm in the game with Becca. Tap into the five senses. Does the game smell? What is the forest like? Do the birds chirp in the forest? By using a good economy of words, you can write a sentence that taps into one of the senses and put the reader in the game with Becca.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader. By setting the virtual reality game in the near future, this will allow the reader's imagination to take off.
CHARACTERS
Becca
Becca lives for the game, but soon discovers there's something more. The ending allowing for character growth.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. My constructive suggestion in this area would be to use WDC ML to make the story easier to read for the reader. I would space between each paragraph and maybe consider increasing the font to 3.5 or even changing the font to another type.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening draws the reader in. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE ARTICLE
The article gives a write up/narration of a virtual reality game. WHAT I LIKED
I thought the narration touched on several qualities the game would develop such as determination, resilience, and adaptability, which are all admirable qualities to take into real life.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There is no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to describe what you should expect from the game as a player.
SETTING
TIME: futuristic setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
There is no main character, just narration giving an overview of what to expect from the game.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My constructive parting thought/suggestion would be to slow down and read the rules of a contest and if I had any questions, ask. While the article's (Bard's Hall Contest Entry) narration reads well to entice me to play the game it describes, it's more "telling" than "showing," in that I expected to read a story actually involving a virtual player in a game per the rules of the contest, than a description of a virtual game that a player would play.
Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A poem about what a person goes through when dealing with negative emotions.
WHAT I LIKED
The poem was very succinct and to the point, striking an emotional chord in the reader.
STRUCTURE
This a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot and spelling mistakes. I have some suggestions for punctuation that might augment the pace and flow of the poem as spoken. For example, as written:
Yet as my stomach became an ocean,
it was cold
chills.
I might suggest:
Yet, as my stomach became an ocean,
it was cold -- chills.
Again, the punctuation speaks to the diction and rythme of the poem spoken out loud and only a suggestion.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mention above. A poignant poem that captures the physicality of emotion.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
After a disagreement over their wedding Jack and Claire come to a resolution.
WHAT I LIKED
Run, Jack, Run!!
DIALOGUE
This is a dialogue only prompt and the author did a good job with the prompt.
CHARACTERS
Jack and Claire
The couple tackled issues that happen every day when it comes to weddings, such as the guest list. It's easy to have a 'row' over the small stuff, which then in turn, becomes big stuff and brings out the true nature of oneself.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The ending was realistic to the story. While the title is appropriate to the story, I might suggest a more engaging one to suck in the reader. Maybe, "Chick is Crazy." Lol! I Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Rick and Chrissy's disagreement leads to a comical role reversal on their wedding day.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the banter between Rick and Chrissy. It felt very natural. The role reversal made me chuckle.
DIALOGUE
This is a dialogue only contest and the author did a great job with the prompt.
CHARACTERS
Rick and Chrissy
When Chrissy insists on wearing her own wedding gown and not one passed down from Rick's side of family, Rick feels like he's in a hot spot with only one thing left to do. What I appreciated, is that while there is still a disagreement between them, their love shines through.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling or punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The ending was spot on for the story. The title is reflective of the story. The word count is listed in the post. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Dialogue Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Emilia and Sepet discuss their apprehensions about their upcoming wedding.
WHAT I LIKED
I thought this was a realistic conversation for a couple to have.
DIALOGUE
This is a dialogue only contest, and the contest entry blends narration and dialogue. Some of the dialogue sounds a bit stilted when repeating it so I might suggest using contractions to make it more conversational.
CHARACTERS
Emilia and Sepet
Emilia expresses concern about being a prisoner but Sepet assures her she can visit her family after the wedding. There's a lot of uncertainty expressed by Emilia and Sepet seems to exude confidence.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The premise of the story had a far away fantasy style feel to it. I definitely think it could be expanded into a full story.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
"Bard's Hall Contest Blog" discusses everyday life with the author.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the posts were concise and to the point. I also liked the conversational style of the posts.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a variety of posts. I like how the author used with videos and graphics.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was to easy. Good use of WDC ML.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.
PARTING THOUGHTS
I might suggest spicing up the opening a bit more with an introductory paragraph or a graphic to set the tone and mood. I enjoyed visiting your blog.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
"The Bard's Hall Blog Entries June 2023," shares the author's reflections on life and life's little things.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how observant the author was. Lots of good description.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a nice variety of posts. I liked the posts about the Butter Tarts and what it's like to learn a foreign language.
EXPRESSIVE
If anything, I might suggest spacing between paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes to read.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.
PARTING THOUGHTS
The introduction was very succinct. I might also suggest posting a graphic, using WDC ML, or posting a video to set the tone or mood or the Blog. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
"The Bard's Hall Blog Entries for June 2023" shares the author's reflections faith, health challenges and everyday issues.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked heartfelt honesty of the blog.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a nice variety of posts.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to make it easy on the eyes.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.
PARTING THOUGHTS
The introduction is short, yet concise. If anything, I might suggest using a graphic to catch attention and set a theme or mood for the blog. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
Bibimbap takes inspiration from the Thai -- a bowl of rice and leftovers on the top. Sprinkled in with the rice (author's daily reflections) are responses to comments and heartfelt reflections of the day's issues.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked creativity taken with the blog.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a nice variety of posts. Some discussed the "hot topics" of today, others were personal reflections.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was easy to read, and many of the posts had a heartfelt honesty that resonated with this reader.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal. Good use of WDC ML to make reflections, comments, and mussings distinctive and set apart.
PARTING THOUGHTS
The introduction caught my attention with it's short, yet concise approach. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A fantasy conversation with a bulldog clip trying to talk to an egg cup.
WHAT I LIKED
I thought this was very imaginative.
STRUCTURE
There are 4 rhymed couplets.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
PHOTOGRAPH
The photo uses bulldog clips and a child's egg cup to stir the imagination.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
It's not easy being an egg cup with a spoon inside it's head. The picture is cute, but I felt sad for the egg cup. And maybe that's the takeaway - something that looks ok or cute, or normal, may not be under the surface, but the only way you'll know is if you ask.
Note: This was entered in the Bard's Hall Forum for May, but is not eligible for the official contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A poem about circular cycles of nature.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the poem captured the nature of life that the photograph depicts.
STRUCTURE
This is haiku. A traditional haiku is a poem with 3 lines, and a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
PHOTOGRAPH
The photo is one of geese or ducks walking across a path.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The accompanying haiku drew inspiration from the photograph. The circle of life always endures despite the changing seasons of nature. Very poignant and honest.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Contest
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