| Hail Jimminycritic! I am happy to read your entry in "Blast Off!" !
Wow! This was a fascinating read and I enjoyed the first person narration where you really show the thoughts, feelings and being of the main character. The descriptions of the place and the beings were vivid and it was intense to follow the main character's reaction to the skeletons. *thumbusup* I really felt his feelings of sadness and frustration about trying to help the dying too. Brilliant!
The images like the description of how the illness fell like a vampire and the main character clawing, growling, drooling are effective. It is interesting how his reactions and suspicion to the skeletons is so different from the survivors. I wondered if it could be because he is the size he is or has some different DNA or higher brain. He did not seem to want to be happy and well in this way. The idea of the star being the cause of both the illness and the skeletons was cool and might lead him to consider some sort of game was being played.
The ending was unexpected and the last line made me smile..as if he made a joke.
It seemed like the consuming was liek a cure and gave the ability to be with the Tabby star with ease. It was interesting that he did not like vampires, which kept him from falling prey until his rage changed him. I wonder what will happen next.
A few places that glitched for me:
I did not get the connection between the first paragraph and the second. The latter seemed to begin the story and the first stood by itself though I see you referred to this woman in the second paragraph. I like that it had a journal like feel to it though.
In the third paragraph I was curious as to what "it" was so it kept me reading to find out.
In the line "affected near as bad" I think you need an adverb here and keep it direct as in "affected as badly as.."
In "some water in some of the people", "in" should be "into" I think.
IN paragraph 6, you use "up there" twice in the first line. I would drop the first instance as it does not add anything at that point. You use it again later too.
In " if what I heard was correct, and they floated right into the domes,..." you need a comma and I was confused by the phrase about what you heard. It feels like you were there when they came and no on would have known much so who did you hear this from, especially as everyone was sick when they showed up. And the narrator says he made up the story of where they came from.
I liked the journal like story telling as the narrator shared the events and then his own understandings, queries and feelings. The main character was potent as the central figure in the crisis and the ghostly skeletons were appealing..like happy ghosts...very imaginative creation!
Thanks for sharing your intense expression and vision. Good luck in the contest.