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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "March 11, 2020
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Shamrock* Happy March and thanks for your wonderful entry into the "I Write in 2020! *Delight*

*Shamrock*Wow! I enjoyed the vivid imagery and vibe of this short flash piece. Your descriptions like her being dark with a rasp gave me the feeling that she would leave a darker note. So the twist at the end was a surprise. Well done!! *Salute*

*Shamrock*The first line drew me in as you personify the pond. I was curious why we needed to know it was a "retention pond". That phrase seemed out of nowhere unless it has a symbolic significance. It did make me get the idea that the Lake was a lesser thing. *Wink*
The muddy hand is vivid and using the present tense was dramatic and took me into the event.

*Shamrock*It was pleasant to read aloud for its word choice and soundscape. I like the mysterious aura and using the mermaid archetype.

Thanks for sharing your vision. *Heart*

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127
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome 69human to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon and "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group! *BalloonR*


*Salute* Wow! I was charmed by your wonderfully woven poem. Well done!

*Snow2* The quatrains were well composed with a steady rhythm and rhyme. The imagery of the garden landscape in the changeable weather was so vivid. I also felt the longing tone of the poet. I enjoyed your use of personification in lines like "eager things popped up" etc. and the "layer cake" image, " April's paramour, "iron dull"! So many delightful descriptions made the picture come alive.*Thumbsup*

*Quill* I wondered, instead of using "And" three times in the last verse, variety might work. eg. Join line 1 and 2: "thrill..As the windows..." I wondered about the tense here...as in the next lines are present. But it works. *Wink*

*Sun* I entered into this vision with ease and it was appealing to read aloud with your use of assonance and consonance. Brilliant creation. *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft at WDC! Have fun, write on and I hope you find a home here.

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128
Review of Season's Lament  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Hiya Richard! Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon and "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group! I could not resist this poem that popped up on the Random Read page. *BalloonR*


*Bigsmile*Yay! You wrote a poem and nailed the winter. We are getting a blast here right now!
I like how you blame the newsfeed for your poetic endeavour. Muses are funny like that. *Laugh*

*Snow2* The short poem was fun to read with a sing song flow and rhyme. the imagery is clear and I can imagine how "bold" one has to be to go out there and shovel, or get wood if you have a wood stove or even clear off the car...what a pain...especially as one gets older as the poem says. Kids don't have such important chores when it is winter. LOL

*Snowman* I liked how you kept the rhyme simple and were able to use the "old" rhyme in both verses and the repetition of the long "o' sound in many words is very effective. It echoes a blowing snow so creates a pleasing soundscape and adds to the picture of winter.

*Quill*The last line made me ponder with your cool use of the word:"hold", a hold of...? I take it to mean a stop *Wink* I also thought of a warm hug sitting on the couch! LOL I think you need a capital letter on the second last line.

*Star* Thanks for sharing your winter vision with its clear comment. I watch the snow blow here and ignore it for now. *Laugh*

Thank you for all of your contributions to WDC and "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group so far! Happy 2020. *Sun*

eyestar


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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129
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Intuey! I am happy to review your lovely poem in the "I write in 2020 forum! *Star*


I love reading love poetry and your sonnet is a joy with its positive vision of lasting love! Your ending couplet was heart warming and a truth. *Heart*

*Heartp*I so admire your ability to write a sonnet with such engaging images and emotional potency. I liked the use of nature to as a setting and descriptive metaphor. *Thumbsup*

*Heartv* The form is well composed with 10 syllable lines and rhyming couplet. The rhyme scheme is intact and your chosen vocabulary with the use of assonance and consonance makes for an appealing soundscape as I read aloud. eg. Long e sound, b, d, s. etc. Wonderful.

*Quill*I thought the word "seemed" was weak.....either it is so or not. Being more direct makes for clear bold certainty. That one line with "completely" is the weakest line as it feels chunky to read aloud in the flow. *Wink*

*Heart* The sonnet holds in high esteem the lovers and Love itself and I could feel the tone of the poet as a tribute. The personal memory of a remembered one makes it so real and powerful an expression. It has a sincere truth to it, set in a fanciful metaphor. Brilliant work!

*Starstruck* Thanks for sharing this moving vision and fine model of a sonnet, and for entering the site contest! *Tiara* Good luck!

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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130
Review of The ABC Burger  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Bubblegum Jones! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Delight* Oh wow! You really come up with some fascinating topics to share. I had fun with another of your articles about food so I could not resist a taste of this one! I have never heard of the ABC Burger.

*Burstg* I like how you begin with your personal journey of how you came across this weird burger before sharing the details. It was a shock not to see regular condiments like Mustard etc for the letters. Curious! It kept me reading to get to the list!

I liked when you asked who and how would one eat such a thing! LOL It is messy enough eating a regular burger. I had to laugh when you said he was not anywhere near the box using that iconic phrase. *Laugh*

*Burstr* The ingredients were fascinating though I do not know how on earth you could put some of them on one burger. The X was cool and yep, I never knew that fact. Two kids of noodles, mac and cheese and a donut? how on earth? and Why?? It would be way too much and filling! There is no accounting for taste.

*Quill* In the line "with all 26 topping for every single letter.." topping needs an "s".*Smile*

*Star*I had fun reading your article and thank you for sharing another unique food find. I don't think I will be trying one any time soon. *Smile*

*Star* Light on the path as you write on in 2020!
eyestar
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131
Review of The Kin  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC Narshguy from "Newbie Welcome Wagon and "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group! *BalloonR*


*Smile* I was drawn by the title that popped up on Random Reads and after I read the piece I could see how all the voices could be related. This was a very intriguing and originally woven piece of writing. It feels like all the voices in one's head meeting! LOL I think it is indeed a mystery item.

*Bursty* I think the setting of a cave where tones can echo is brilliant and some of your letters repeated mimic that spacial tone. It really comes across that these voices cannot see anything or each other.*Thumbsup* And that they are all concerned about this other noise. Spooky place!

*Burstr* The use of coloured font for different voices is helpful in the read, which could get quite confusing. *Wink* I could feel the aloneness of the first voice calling in the dark. Good use of space.

*Star* I am not sure what to say about the form...it is quite unusual. You leave me being curious at the end too. Just like the kin.

Thanks for sharing your cool vision at WDC.

eyestar
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#1300305 by Maryann

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132
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Delight* I liked the exclamation energy of the title. I got the impression that it was vital to be recognized. The red font adds to the vibe too, like a little anger or frustration.

*Burstr* I enjoyed reading this powerful expression with its fine rhyme and flow. The process of going through depression and the doctor's words are too often the result when we want to talk and get the anger and sadness moving..to really just be heard. The line about learning about lie is so sad and really struck home. *Thumbsup*

*Burstr* I think the sentiments you express will be relevant to many and that you are not alone can be uplifting. I can see this applying to all ages as even kids act out, wanting something they are not getting in terms of real attention.

*Quill*I don't think you need exclamations on each line. also I think the word "told" should be "said" or add the word "me".

*Star*Your poem has an effective soundscape too. It was fun to read aloud. Nice satire.
Thanks for sharing your vision and craft at WDC! Happy writing and I hope you find a home here. *Delight*

eyestar
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#1300305 by Maryann

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133
133
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Crown*Hi Angus! I am happy to give you a reader's view to celebrate you! *Star*


*Smile*I liked the evocative title that seemed like fun! So I dared! *Delight* And Yep, the twist at the end was gruesome. I figured something might happen but ew!! Good one!

The story was entertaining with the men getting lost, which could happen! The dialogue was effective as it showed the emotion and character of the men. I love the accent of the mountain guys. Well done! Their description is vivid and the reference to DEE and DUM made me laugh and yep I got a clear picture. Interesting that you mention them as I was just setting up a book item for the Wonderland challenge. *Laugh* Weird stuff showing up already. *Wink*

Having the hosts be regular, friendly fellows helped me believe the guys would go with them. and the fact about them being there all their lives might have given me a clue to something.
It was brilliant to have both Rick and the reader get the shock at once! *Thumbsup* We are both dumbfounded. The description was vivid here too. The last line with its invitation to Rick is just over the top. Like what will Rick do? The end makes his comment about paying for it take on a darker tone. Wow.

*Delight* It was pleasant to read the narrative, which flowed in a coherent manner with a nice mix of description and conversation, The setting, problem and conclusion were clear though Rick may still be in a pickle, so to speak! You leave me wondering what he will do!

Thanks for sharing your craft. You have a gift for this! *Starstruck*

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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134
Review of The Lesson  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Ken! I am happy to review to celebrate you! An oldie but a goodie showed up on Random reads today as I was flitting around!*Star*


*Bat1*You write about Vampires? LOL And with Romania words! How cool is that? I like the originality of adding actual foreign in the dialogue. It so adds to the characterization of the mother and the background of the vampire history.*Thumbsup*

*Bat1*I like how you show the young Trey trying to Americanize himself with his name and speech! Your opening lines gives a sense of who he is and that hand episode was a dramatic addition! Yikes! I infer it was still daylight and wondered why his bed would be near windows anyway, just in case of these accidents. LOL But then it is a funny situation.

*Bat1*The dialogue was well written and showed the relationship between mom and Trey that was realistic. I laughed at the play on the old saying too. Brilliant! *Rolling* And the Mother knows best line! Too cute. *Cool* I wondered what her true face was. *Think*

*Bat1*Your response to the prompt of "you've missed the deadline" is so imaginative and original, not to mention comical! Thanks for sharing this entertaining piece. Made my day! Talk about burning a finger! owie!

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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135
Review of Hide and Seek  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Jacky! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Delight*Oh! What a sweet little story. I like you begin with that vivid image of the girl's eyes and the grown up not knowing what to do. It sets up a mystery to me and I was curious to read on! *Smile*

You did a good job with the changing time line in the story. I did think, at first, the second paragraph would work well as part of the first as it continues the explanation. I loved the ending and wondered what the gram would say. It could be a made up person as children can do that. OR... let's ponder. I smiled at her answering as if it was obvious. *Laugh*
How did she show worry...rather than say "suddenly worried". *Smile*

*Quill* In the line "She was in the cellar, but no snickers, no sound even," I think you need to say "there were no snickers.."

I think a period after "old house" would stop the line from being so run on with all the phrases. The next line is complete sentence by itself. *Wink*

*Star*Thanks for sharing this entertaining story. I was glad she was not hurt as it seemed it was quite a fall. Maybe thanks to Tandy! *Smile*

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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136
Review of Waves  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Lou! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Tiara*Wow! I like how you use waves as a metaphor. The image in the first two line is simple and easy to imagine. Reminds me of haiku. *Wink* From that image your pondering begins. The suggestion and question at the end is evocative and a brilliant concept. *Star*

It was surprising to think of one as the wave, working away at life's obstacles and yet one is frail. I think of the cliff as strong and yet they eventually succumb to waves. Cool.

*Wave2* The free style suits the reflective tone and theme and the use of assonance and bits of alliteration added to the flow as I read aloud.I wondered about a period after "frailty" but then I see you want it to somehow connect to the next thought. *Wink*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your vision that has me pondering as well. I love when something strikes a chord for dreaming.

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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137
Review of Dylan's Garden  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Crown*Hiya Kurt!! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Quill*Wow! This 4 line poem packs a punch giving us something to ponder. Your nature metaphor is brilliant. I really felt a vibe here. *Thumbsup*

*Quill* The idea that trying to explain another's poem somehow destroys it is interesting. There are some of my musings that even I can't exactly say the meaning. LOL Sometimes the unconscious or other worldly takes on a life of its own.

*Quill*Your words are effective and I like how each verse's last line refer to the plant. The rhyme is well conceived too. The exploitation I think is when folks use their own interpretation to serve their own purposes and this can be counter to author intent.

*Starstruck* Thank you for sharing your potent point of view in rhyme. *Salute*

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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138
Review of The Silver Doe  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Tiara* Happy 2020 Elizabeth! I am happy to review to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Wand* Yay! The title and tag theme take me back to Potter World and Andy's prompts. I think we were in the contest together as I also wrote about the silver doe! *Laugh* I like the magical.

*Wand*Your picture of the doe in the first verse was vivid and drew me into the piece. I like the idea of silver flowers and the deer mask in the second verse. Her loyalty to her conjurer is evident and may be a spell. I felt sad for her as I wondered if she ever gets her love.

*Wand*The 4 line verses have consistent rhyme and it looks like many lines are 10 syllable count. I wondered about tightening up line 4. The last verse has longer lines. It would be cool to get the rhythm to match but the ideas are vital to the story line.*Smile* And we did not have a long time to create for each prompt! LOL

The chosen words are thematic and I liked the vivid verbs "stoop and cower", "prances" and the image of the tattered rag heart. *Thumbsup*

*Star*Thanks for this fine response to a Potter character! I enjoyed entering into the vision.
eyestar
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139
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Roland King! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*


I was intrigued by the title and the notion of seeing souls. This short story has a spooky ending and yet I felt that the soul seer was ready for a change. LOL

I like the fairy tale beginning and the mystery of the passerby. I was a bit confused about whose eyes were down, at first, but it was more clear when he saw the puddle. It is cool how you keep up the mystery about the appearance of the man..even while the seer is speechless. His description is vivid and I love the shoes! *Thumbsup* It was effective to keep his name til the last line. It kept me guessing as it could just have been a ghost. *Wink*

I think you need a comma after "staring" before 'until" as it leaves the phrase hanging.

The image in the puddle was a mystery and magic! *Smile*

*Star*You did a great job with this spooky flash story. Creepy! I did feel a bit sorry for the Seer and I guess the dark husk did not want him to see so much.

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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140
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Weirdme Addams! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Bird*Oh I love ravens and there are a few that live round the woods here, cawing messages and watching! *Delight* So I was drawn to your title. I am also a fan of the RAVEN by Poe.

*Bird* I found your piece very appealing and original! I like how you speak as the raven, sharing his views and thoughts of man and how he has been seen through time. The added references to Poe's poem add potency to his notion that Poe made Raven even more famous than of old. It is cool that you use this rather than old myths as it is more unique.

*Bird*You cover a good number of superstitious ideas and then the rational one that ravens are of nature and follow the cycle. The narrative is effective with its short lines as it feels like a raven would speak in short phrases. *Thumbsup*

*Quill*I only noticed one typo in the last line: "decease" could be "deceased". *Wink*
I am not sure what the A letters are for between each section. Maybe replace with a glyph like *Bird*. A little intro line at the beginning...like The Raven speaks....would give a clearer indication of what is happening. I got it right away! Yet others may prefer a lead in. *Smile*

*Starstruck* I enjoyed this stellar tribute to raven! Thank you for sharing his personified voice *Bird* and your imagination.

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Crown*Happy 2020 Kurt! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Heart*Your poem touched my heart with its kind loving tone vibrating into the future. The concept of our connectedness through time and generations is wonderful. I do think our consciousness is that oneness. *Heart* The title drew my interest as it is a unique idea.

I enjoyed reading the two line verses in this free style poem, which suits the content. It has a lovely flow and grace and I was drawn into the vision. The poet is assuring future souls that someone will always care...even if unseen. A great lesson for the present too.

*Starstruck*Thank you for sharing this inspirational reflection. I would add Inspiration, Philosophy, Family to your genre choices for more accessibility. *Wink*

*Star* Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Happy 2020 Keaton Foster! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Delight*

*Candleb* I enjoyed pondering on your free style poem where you reflect on faith. I like how you talk to God in the opening and and near the end repeat the same words. The rhyme is like a refrain and the question why no reply is a common one to ask. The rule of "silence is golden" is effectively added and made me think that that could be where the answers come...in a silent mind that has let go of queries, judgements, expectations and thoughts to listen to the wee small voice that is not heard in all the ego's din. *Smile* At the end, where he is ok with it all, completes the wandering with peace. The last line is so true...what else is there but to accept?

*Burstr* I like how you weave other's considerations of faith, life and choices bringing in the reality that we all will die..that is the commonality. It is inspiring that the poet will choose to continue and it makes sense that he asks that his past and things beyond his control be taken into account and is seeking not to be punished. It is a heartfelt plea and I get the idea that he has forgiven himself. It is sad that he sees himself as damaged goods. Again, that notion seems to be a common one with people. Good observations and he tries to understand people.

*Quill* I wanted to ask why should they what? when I read
'How do they
Why should they'
I infer "believe" or "cry to God" when you as faithful cannot get an answer.

*Smile*The free style suits the content and it took me time to read as lack of punctuation slowed me down. I had to decipher where the short lines ended. *Wink* The bits of rhyme and repeated words (anaphora) assisted the flow and pace as I read aloud. Well done. I always admire your unique style of expression. It sounds like a flow of consciousness with a potent message. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft! Write on in the path of light. *Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* Hiya Jody! I was flitting around *Fairy2* and this popped up on the Random Reads! What an interesting and unique topic to find. Not many non-fiction show up! I couldn't resist a peek at Mark Twain and poetry at the same time. *Delight*

*Boat* Goodness! What a prompt! It looks like you did a fine job ferreting out information and that is one long poem to interpret! *Shock2*

Wow. You have done a thorough job of research here and I had to laugh at your ending comment. I agree, who would remember a name like that? *Shock* I had no idea he had so many names to write under and it is sad that he did not have a lasting progeny for his legacy. He even had a story translated into classical Greek! Amazing. I studied that language but not his book. LOL

The essay is well composed and easy to follow in its tight weave of interesting facts. It was coherent and I learned a lot I did not know.

The idea that he embraced new technology like the typewriter reminded me of how writers had to later on let go the typewriters for new age of computers. Someone needs to begin the trend. I laughed too at his wearing white past labour day. I wonder where that tradition began. Good for him!

*Delight*I learned a lot of information from your study of the poem too. I see what you mean about a lot of words not used now so thanks for explaining them. *Smile* Nice work in doing each verse separately. Great lakes can be dangerous and many ships have gone down there. I did not get anything About Australia from the poem and perhaps in his travels to Australia he was reminded of it or something. He was likely aware of boats and dangers from his early life and maybe travelled barges in Australia too.


*Star*I had fun learning about Mark Twain from your article. Thanks for your fine effort in bringing him to life!

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight*Happy 2020 Bluejay! I am happy to review to celebrate you!

*Medalgold*I was drawn to the alliterative title and its concept that implies Peace is not won with ease or without cost. Your short poem bears out that theme with a bit of a twist.

*Medalbronze*The contrast that acclaim can be won through war activities while acts of peace remain unsung is an effective one. And made me sad to think about. Generals are more well known throughout history while only a few who stood for peace are famous. Mother Teresa, Ghandi come to mind.

*Medalsilver* You did a great job with only 24 syllables showing the meaning of the key word "gallantry" . I enjoyed reading it aloud and appreciate how you added rhyme and instances of consonance to add a pleasant soundscape.

*Star*Thanks for sharing your thought provoking vision and craft.

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Review of My friend hurts  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC IamGaia from "Newbie Welcome Wagon and "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group! I am happy to review your item. *BalloonR*


Wow! This poem has a strong heart felt vibe of caring and trying to understand and support a friend in need. I like the idea that Love is the answer and the reference to the green ray. *Smile*

*Heart*The free verse style suits the emotional content and I did enjoy the few rhyming lines near the end. Asking questions as well as giving the objective support like lesson to learn even if we don't understand, is effective along with the loving compassion. *Thumbsup*

*Quill* A few little glitches:
I think you need a comma after "green ray".
"your" needs to be "you're" to mean "you are".
"mans" should be "man's" to show possessive form.

*Quill*I wondered at the end why you changed to OUR green ray" instead of"my" from line 2. I think it is good to stay with the same person. *Wink*

*Star*I think this poem would inspire and uplift one in need. Thank yo so much for sharing your gift and vision at WDC! I hope you find a home here. All the best in 2020 as you write on!

eyestar
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

Sig for blog/reveiws


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
146
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Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hiya Prosperous snow! *Snow2* I am here with a review to celebrate you!

*Snow2* Wow! This poem is amazing. I loved the imagery and description of the Ode Master! What a wonderful name. I could so visualize his crippled hands and him hobbling. The siren sounds on the board gave me shivers. eek! Very evocative piece. Even the last line gave me chills. *Thumbsup*

*Snow5*This piece uses the prompt words in an inventive way and I am impressed with your imagination. It was pleasing to read aloud with some lovely sound combinations and images like the "frost bitten winds of winter", the long O sound words in verse two, and the bit of repeating sound "en" and "penetrate" etc in the last verse. You really paint a vivid picture for the sense.

I think you need a comma after "brain" to join it to the next line with the gerund. *Wink*

*Starstruck* Brilliant word wizardry! Thanks for sharing your gift.

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Review of Insight  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*Happy 2020 Jacky! I was intrigued by the tag line. LOL

*Laugh* Too funny. I like how right on a mother's instinct can be! Still the room was clean. In the matter of interpretation kids and parents can have different ideas. You show that really vividly. I guess as long as there was no food stuffs and dirty laundry in the closet, it could pass inspection. *Whistle*

*Delight* I enjoyed your short story with its vivid dialogue revealing most of the situation. I smiled at the mom's response 'You were.... it meant"! That line could even confuse dad! Wonderful! The narrative description of the dad's "inspection" was dramatic and easy to picture. Words like "exploded" and "spewing" are active and evocative choices for verbs}e:thumbsup}

*Quill* I think you need a comma after "giggling".

I think in the narrative part where you say 'Later, inspecting..." I felt that you could leave off the word "inspecting" as you use it quite a bit in the paragraph. Simpler to say, "later, Dad....barracks as he knocked on the door and called out "inspection" to tighten it up a bit. You need a period after "door" as the next part about the room looking great...is a key sentence by itself. Or, if you tighten it up you can leave the two phrases together. "As he ...great." Just some ideas. *Wink*

*Bigsmile*I had to laugh at the end and the explaining narrative between his dinner question and her answer is very effective. The idea of a competition was fun.

Thanks for sharing this entertaining little scene. I had fun! *Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy 2020 Tehuti! This cool title popped up on the Random reads and drew my interest when I read the first line and wondered what was going on and wanted to read on to find the significance of the Dream catcher. You really did a great job describing the intense focus of the character Charmian as her adrenaline is at the max so logical thought and a friend's influence has no place at that moment. Wow! Capitalizing some letters to show a shout was helpful especially the line about Michigan. It made me aware that it was important to know as well.

The scene and main characters are clear form the first paragraph in this continuation of the story. Having a confronting action scene is a stirring way to begin a chapter and I was right with her on her run. I like when you had her inner voice speak and wonder why it was harder to let the symbol go. And it made me think that it is harder to let go of personal meaningful items.

I laughed when Manabozho mentioned about turning him into a hat and mitts. Nice ploy to lighten the intense moment. The close relationship of the main characters was vividly shown in dialogue and actions especially the kind caress and promises made.

*Smile*I enjoyed the bantering discussion as they cleared camp and began their way. Quite inventive how each had their thoughts about the ocean and what they seek. Interesting and I felt like I was eavesdropping. I was enchanted by the little pine cone compass and then surprised by the scampering activity of the squirrel! I could feel Charmian irritation and laughed aloud when the squirrel stuck out it's tongue. The description of the scene is detailed and easy to follow and had a quick pace. Squirrelly!

*Delight* *Fairy* I absolutely loved what happens next. That little creature and his character is so vivid and the interplay with the group is so funny! I had to laugh. I think it is in character for Charmian to understand the pride of the little creature and make the first move. I enjoyed the well written dialogue and emotional expression as he agrees to be an ally! You unveiled his true nature in layers and I like the unexpected! *Thumbsup*

I did not notice anything that threw me out of the story and while I have not read earlier chapters, there is enough detail to show the character and attitude of a number of characters to make it entertaining and feel true. I enjoy the native aspects and names that reflect the theme.

I only wondered why italics were here, as usually they refer to inner chat. "Charmian!" he barked right in her face". *Think*

Wow! I had a great time reading this chapter and really like the characters. I can't wait to see where this fascinating little fur ball will take them. *Wink* Brilliant imagination and creativity tightly woven into a clear and appealing tale with vivid characters, ups and downs, good balance of narrative and dialogue which furthered the story and showed character and emotions. I could suspend my mind and enter the vision with ease!

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your wonderful entertaining gift!

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Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*BalloonR* Welcome Bold Attitude to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon and "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group! *BalloonR* Thanks for posting your item at WDC!


*Delight*This piece expresses a philosophical opinion and you could use Philosophy or Opinion as one of your genre choices.*Wink*
I like how you contrast the differences in the way folks think about life and thought may influence their way.

The free verse style fits the theme and reflective theme. Bits of rhyme and repeated letters assist the flow.

*Quill* I notice you repeat destination a number of times and wonder if it is for emphasis or if a synonym might work for variety. *Wink*

*Quill* I saw a few typos or glitches that you may want to look at:
In the line "Few knows the road", a typo: drop the s in knows.

Line 8 needs a capital letter as you are putting caps on every line.

Something is missing in ""I have been to and fro the road on several journey"? and journey needs to be "journeys".

In "who knows their way", drop the s on Knows. *Wink* I think you need a capital letter I in the last line.

*Star*Thanks for sharing your vision and inspiration! Write on.

eyestar
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Review of Rapunzle  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Delight* Hi Sumojo! I couldn't resist this title that made me curious!


*Thumbsup* Wow! This short flash was intriguing and reflects the theme of the title perfectly.
Your first line caught my attention with it vivid picture and sound and you kept me reading as the mystery of what is happening unfolds. At first I thought he was throwing stones at the truck window! *Laugh* Good misdirection.

*Smile*The story is coherent and I enjoyed reading it as some of the language flow is also alliterative. I think in the third line, you need to add a subject word., "he" and drop the word "silently" in the second line as you use it again later. In the third line I wanted to read "pebble and hits" as the pebble can't move by itself.*Wink*

*Delight* I like the clear images like the sheets and the word "slither". I would put a period before. "a pair of legs.." as both sentences are complete in themselves.

*Burstr*The contrast of the silent action with the roaring engine at the end is effective and your last line is evocative. Rather sad as it makes me ponder if the mom knew before hand and could do nothing about it. Maybe the dad was the block to their happiness. Cool You could make a longer story of this. lol Yet it is a flash piece and only 97 words! Amazing.

*Star*This is a fine flash that kept my attention and slowly revealed the surprise of the tale. Thanks for sharing your craft!

Write on and all the best in 2020.

eyestar
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