I had no idea that I would get up in the middle of the morning at 3"54 a.m. to read your story but I'm glad I did. It is wonderful. I saw no mistakes and your way with words is great. One thing you captured that I really like your style is the conversation and knowing what the little boy was thinking. It striked almost every emotion I have. that's what I always look for smell, taste, hearing---the five senses. Good job and keep writing!
Diane
This is a great song and why is that? Because like Marvin Gaye sung "War, What is it Good For, absolutly nothing." We haven't learned a thing since our strive for peace in Vietnam in the sixties. How many of those service men suffer every day with pain and guilt. You brought so much of that out in your song. I wrote in my BLOG today how much I had peace when going out in the morning seeing the flowers and hearing the birds sing. I wish the service men and women were here to hear that and your song!
The rhyming was perfect. That is so hard for me to do even with the www.rhyming.com. Keep writing. You are great.
Diane
Oh, that was the most wonderful story. It was very sad at the end but was so real. I sensed everything that you wanted me to; smell, taste, hearing, seeing, and all of feeling what Cora felt. It's so sad that what the children wanted was for the best but knowing that one day I will be Cora I feel like she does, at that age you should be granted a priviledge for living that long to do what you wish. Great story!
Diane
Your writing is wonderful! The way you took the poem and made it rhyme plus gave alot of information was very unique. I would put this in the book that you are writing. Maybe as an introduction to your book. Do you have Biopolar disorder? I wonder because of the people fighting within your brain. I think alot of my depression is situational but I am on alot of medicine. I was concern but I ask my regular doctor and she said that psychatrists do use quite a bit of medication.
Keep writing,
Diane
That is a wonderful stirring redetion of what Vietnam must have been like. I have never been held, as if by a spell, by something so powerful, a story on war. You did by far, the best job, the best essay that I have read so far on writing.com and I've been a member for a little over 2 years! You are to be commended for this and I am going to put it on the plug page.
I saw only one mistake, but by far, I am no expert. Odd isn’t it that I should be thousands of miles from home defending freedom for a people I know little of when that same freedom eludes me. I think should end with a ? mark.
Keep writing! You are really blessed with talent. I felt like I was there and feeling the same things you did. I had the priviledge of meeting Malcom X in Detorit during the early seventies. He was a powerful person even without saying a word.
That is a beautiful poem and I see you have published a book! That's so exciting. I hope one day to see my name in print. Not just in the newpaper, or on an essay that the college printed but a real live book. One I can put my hands on and realize that I've got my words in the book. All mine to share with the world!
Good luck. Yes, I feel my earth angels all around me.
Diane
That is so sad but it is so real. I'm 52 years old and can still remember the pain of high school. I was kind of the odd one but the school had all kinds of accepting doors. I would flip em out by going to different ones different days. There was a Geek one, I fit there because I read alot. A hippie caused I dressed and looked like one. Sometimes I would dress like the cool girls and go to there door. In fact you gave me an idea I need to write about that.
The way you used words was wonderful and you threw me off at the start because I thought it was your mom abusing you. I love the phrase “Breakfast Today Consists of Hate-cakes and Scrambled Hearts”
There's any wonder that more children don't kill at school. My 27 year old said to me the other day, "Mom, don't you wish we would have been popular in high school?" Whereas it didn't really bother me, his sister, or dad it meant alot to him. I guess it always will.
Thanks for this story. I think I will encourage Chris to read it.
I wish everything was explained as easy as this is it would make writing.com more user friendly. I still don't know all there is to do because I can't figure it out and I feel as if I am a smart person.
I'd like to find out how to do a guest book. I've been upgraded by a dear, dear friend. I'd like to show her how much I've been able to create since she gave me the honor of a preminum membership. I am going to really try.
Well, since I am a writer but I have a yard sale on Saturday; I guess I'd better get off of here and price some more things.
Take care,
Diane
Very good with words and the piece flowed really well. The comparison between the female and nature could have been a little stronger.
Overall it is a good poem. I like the senses you used in the poem. Remember any of your writing that touches all the senses really does make up for any other faults it has so keep writing and remember all of us have to rewrite!
Diane
I loved your play with words in this free flowing piece of work. It describes depression at its upmost worse. I can feel it in the words and I guess because I've been depressed so long myself; the words hit home.
This is one of the ways I love to express myself. I do these for myself then look back and it surprises me that I felt this emotional about anything. After awhile on the antidepressants it make syou wonder if you think at all.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1077474 by Not Available.
Who doesn't like this kind of story? My favorite quote is from a public restroom. Here I sit all broken hearted, came to s*** but only farted! Isn't that funny?
Anyway, if you have some time here's a link to my Tupelo Grand'maws house
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1130977 by Not Available.
One reviewer gave me a great idea about making something from the other stories from the inside of the Tupelo Outhouse. He even gave me the names. Also, the Tupelo Outhouse is on one of the websites. I think it is Outhouse Grafiti.
Keep writing,
Diane
That's a great start for a story. All of us should be careful when it comes to the internet.
You've read my BLOG before and ask if it was going to be a book. I can see you are pretty new. The BLOG is kind of like a journal/diary where you just write random thoughts, ideas, things that happen! You should start one if you haven't already. Anything you write gives you practice.
I noticed you didn't join unitl recently. If you'd like any help join the Newbie group. It really helps you get around.
Keep writing!
Diane
I loved this because I really love helping people, the environment, and animals. My love of animals is so great. I iheirted my Aunt's house and she bought so much junk I have to have more yard sales to get rid of it all so I can move my Mom's stuff in. I was leaving my house and could take the two little dogs with me but I had to leave my big one. He's beautiful. Big blue eyes, a mixed breed but has alot of Alaskan Husky in him and looks some like an Austrain Shepherd. I'll send you a picture. I look at him and told him he had to stay but as I left I said to myself, "It's ashame life gets so wound up that you love your animals more than the complex human relationships." Ain't it the truth?
Thanks for giving me such a good review for the Day in the Life about depression!
Also, I want you to visit www.care2.com and see if you would like to add it on your list. They have get items about the environment, petitions, free e-cards, free emails, how to save money on products that are environmentally friendly, and how you can make those products. You'll see! It's wonderful. Each click helps the environment. I even have an email address at the site and I've been a member for at least 10 years!
Take care,
Diane
You did a wonderful job picking out some of the best writers on writing.com. I've visited several of them and I love them all. I will check out the ones that don't look familiar. I know Lou, Gabriella, and Country Mom that are some of the most precious friends. They visit my port often and leave emails that encourage me to go on in some of my deepest depression moments.
Love,
Diane
That's really a heartfelt piece of writing. You must be a daddy's girl. It leaves me wondering what has happened but all in all it is a good poem. I like the way you looked upon the past and what life used to be like before whatever happened on the inside.
You are a good writer so keep on Writing On...
Diane
This is a very emotional piece of writing and I really could feel your pain and at the same time feel the joy of having the 4 children you have. You do have to make some corrections in using capital letters at the beginning of the sentences unless you meant to do it that way. Of course, writing is all about rewriting!
Keep writing.
Diane
I enjoyed reading your BLOG. Even if you are a geek, it doesn't matter because we are in the same boat. Hey, and it's sinking so grab you a life jacket and hang on. I see the ship now and it's breaking in half. I'm holding on to the sail. Come up here with me and you'll be saved.
See how I can ramble on and make up stuff? I guess I'm a geek too.
Diane
Here's a picture of my roses. I did it up a little with my computer. I love the way you can see through the bubbles to see the roses.
Love,
Diane
{i:1007955} or
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1007955 by Not Available.
I know me and another member wishes to know more about poetry and I accidently ran into this and I hope it really helps. Look at the "ands" I had in there. I'll show my friend where it is; in the meantime, I wrote what I call a poem, at least my 24 year old daughter and her friend loved it. It's about my daughter's heart being broken the last couple of days. Could you read it and let me know what you think? Also, it is really long!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1251236 by Not Available.
Thanks, and also a big thank you on what you have done about explaining poetry!
Diane
That was wonderful and so true. I want credit for what I write and I expect everyone else would like the same consideration. I've placed several items on this website and a friend ask me the other day if I was afraid someone would walk off with my thoughts and writings and make a mint. Hopefully that won't happen but if it does I'll have an attorney waiting for them.
Thanks for bringing this point out for all to see. You should plug this writing so more can read it.
Diane
I hope you won in this contest because this letter you wrote just hit my heart right where it needed to. Why do I say that? I thought I was the only one who " We all want approval and the things we do in this life are tiny screams saying, “Hey! I’m here! I want to be noticed and validated!”
I've always felt this but thought I was wrong for thinking that way. I think way back yonder I was taught just do the job. Don't expect a reward or a pat on the back! All you get is a paycheck. I realized differently yesterday when I visited a flea market/storage building/UHaul REntal place I worked at for about 4 weeks. I just didn't go back one day. I didn't call. I didn't come in I just didn't do anything. I suffer from depression. I felt bad when I went there and the boss was there with a new person they had hired. The new person was someone I was going to suguest that they hire, she's a great person and has been a friend of mine for about 10+ years or so. I talked to the boss outside and she cried because I left her and she really liked me. I even told her if she needed someone she could call me and I'd work for someone if I needed to. So I found out then that everyone cares, then my friend is hired, then I read you...a complete circle once again.
Diane
Oh, how funny!!! I don't know how many times I have read my stuff and instead of choosing a color what happens is this *violet* I wonder what people think when they open up what I've had for them they see an emotion as a color. I just hope when I'm typing bits and pices of articles that I don't put down different items liked the posting and my Dad won't know what in the world if going on. They should just think of me as a poor white wild child that got stuck in the south. Keep writing and check out my Tupelo Outhouse!
Diane
Really good description of having a new place. It's always better to look at someone else having to make a brave choice to move instead of me. This essay really made me think of how I wouldn't want to move. I love the way everything is missing the next morning which in turn gives me the feeling that I never should move. Every morning at my house feels like that...keep writing, you have a talent to make someone laugh.
Diane
Lou,
Perfect indeed. I love the way you paint a picture of the west and how people once went across the west in search to find even newer land.
I read your bio also. Very interesting. Have you really met Stephen King? One of my favorite authors of all time. Years ago I got in a rather heated arguement about Stephen King with my English instructor. He said Stephen King was a trashy writer and would never make the school literature books. I would like to see that instructor again. Stephen King is in all the textbooks!
Diane
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bediane1954/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 5:00am on May 02, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
It describes depression at its upmost worse. I can feel it in the words and I guess because I've been depressed so long myself; the words hit home.
